June 2008

By Douglas Kent, 11111 Woodmeadow Pkwy #2327, Dallas, TX 75228

Email: doug of whiningkentpigs.com or diplomacyworld of yahoo.com

On the web at http://www.whiningkentpigs.com – or go directly to the Diplomacy section at http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/. Also be sure to visit the Diplomacy World website at http://www.diplomacyworld.net. Check out http://www.helpfulkitty.com for official Toby the Helpful Kitty news, blog, and links to all his available merchandise!

All Eternal Sunshine readers are encouraged to join the free Eternal Sunshine Yahoo group at http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/eternal_sunshine_diplomacy/ to stay up-to-date on any subzine news or errata.

Quote Of The Month – “I don't know. I felt like a scared little kid. I was like... it was - it was above my head. I don't know.” (Joel in “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”)

Welcome to Eternal Sunshine, your monthly peek into the disaster area that is my brain. I think it is time to consider getting it condemned. Water leaks, septic tanks overflow, mold and mildew are everywhere…and those roaches, ugh, how do I get rid of the roaches? Hmmm, maybe the roaches are the source of all those voices. I’m just not sure. Like Emo Phillips says “I used to think that the human brain was the most interesting part of the body. But then I realized, wait, look who is telling me that!”

Not much to say this issue, I’m so tired lately from work and life in general. My Texas Rangers are playing a bit better now, but I am caught between the desire for them to win games and the fear that if they are at or above .500 Tom Hicks and Jon Daniels might be stupid enough to be buyers instead of sellers as we approach the trading deadline. Oh well, nothing to do but wait and see.

I’ve closed the Balkan Wars game for the moment, and added a new Diplomacy opening. I’m going to try a different variant soon, just not sure which one. If you have suggestions let me know. And don’t forget to check out all the Toby, Sanka, Whining Kent Pig, and Diplomacy World designs available at http://www.cafepress.com/helpfulkitty - I don’t much care if anybody buys any of them (we only get $1 for each item sold anyway) but I’d like to get more feedback…and more ideas for Diplomacy slogans.

That’s it for now. Take care, enjoy your June, and I’ll see you in July!

My First Day – Conclusion

Back in the general population, I met my bunkmate and tried to keep to myself while I waited for dinner. A few inmates made it a point to say hello. One very friendly guy named Jorge kept telling me how quickly my time will go. “It’s crazy!” he kept telling me, with a big smile on his face. “It’s crazy!” He was also the first inmate who asked me a question which I would hear repeated over and over again until my time as an inmate was finally completed:

“What’s your out date?”

I didn’t know what that meant, and even if I had known, I wouldn’t have known the answer yet. But that question was on the lips of everyone I met. “What’s your out date?” “What’s your out date?”

I have since learned that this sort of question is completely out of bounds in any higher-security facility. But when you are somewhere which offers the Residential Drug and Alcohol Program (RDAP), it’s all anybody cares about.

This is the way it works: in the Federal system, you’re sentenced to a specific number of months. You’re then credited with an assumed 15% off due to good behavior and good conduct. You can lose that time off, but you’re given it in advance as far as computing your estimated release date. That estimated release date is your “out date.” You might be released from prison before then, but only if you’re sent to a halfway house. Time spent in the halfway house counts as time in prison, because you are still under the jurisdiction of the Bureau of Prisons. But the “out date” is the day you are estimated to no longer be under their jurisdiction. Most Federal inmates still have to serve a term of “supervised release” (known as “paper” among the inmates, which is overseen by the Probation Department).

Generally, you never ask another inmate how long they’ll be incarcerated, because it’s the last thing they want to think about. The only way to make it through a sentence of even a moderate length is to live day by day, build a routine, and let the days turn into weeks, and the weeks turn into month. If you think about the time, you’ll go crazy. Or if not crazy, at least you’ll be constantly miserable.

However, in an RDAP facility, your “out date” is priority number one. That’s because there is always a waiting list for inmates to be admitted into the drug program, and that list is ordered based on who is going to be released first. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been an inmate, and it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been on the waiting list. What matters is how much time you have left. A new class of inmates is selected every two months, and they then begin the nine-month drug and alcohol program. As each class of twenty to twenty-five inmates is chosen, those qualifying inmates with the shortest amount of time left on their sentence get in…the rest have to wait.

The reason this is so important to people is that you can receive up to a year off of your sentence for successful completion of the program (although if you “violate” in any serious way while in the halfway house, you have to serve the time off that you earned, and you’re sent back to a prison facility). But how long you ACTUALLY get off is determined by how much time you have left when you graduate. For example, let’s say you have an “out date” of January 1, 2010. Regardless of your sentence length, for completing the program you are eligible for six months in the halfway house (instead of the standard 10% of your sentence UP TO six months). As in most cases being in the halfway house is preferable to prison, that’s a good thing. Anyway, if you completed the program with no time off your sentence, you’d be eligible to go to a halfway house around July 1, 2009. How much time off you receive in addition to that depends entirely on when you graduate the program. If you graduate on June 1, you’re saving about a month. If you graduate on March 1, you’ve saved four months, and so on, up to a year. So the idea is to get into the drug class as quickly as you can…the sooner you get in, the sooner you graduate, the more time you get off your sentence, and the faster you get home.

What happens in one of the RDAP facilities is that everybody makes it their business to stick their nose into everybody else’s business. As the time for a new class to start approaches, they’ll run around, collecting information, trying to figure out if they’ll make it into the next class or not. The nervousness grows, the tension builds, and anxiety becomes overwhelming. Some of these inmates are trying to hold their family situation together, working feverishly to get their wife or girlfriend to stick by them and wait until they get home. So it isn’t uncommon for promises to be made; “I’m going to be home by July. I promise!” But if the inmate doesn’t make it into the next class, those promises instantly become broken.

If you promise your wife and kids that you’ll be coming home, and suddenly it looks like it will be another two (or four) months, that can be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. An inmate may find out he’s got an empty house to come back to…or no house at all.

I learned all of this later on. Having just arrived, and not understanding anything going on around me, all I could do when people asked me about my out date was say “I have no idea.” Not surprisingly, that was met with a great deal of skepticism by some of the inmates who approached me. They’d look suspicious, and sometimes almost hostile, as if I had some secret I refused to share…a secret which could stand between them and their freedom. No wonder it takes a while to settle in!

The rest of my first day was a lonely game of Follow the Leader. Nobody knows who you are, but everybody knows you’re a new arrival because of how you’re dressed. The only people wearing the shoes and off-color clothes like the ones I had are new inmates, or inmates who were just released from “the hole”…and obviously, they’re known by everyone. So in a way, you’re wearing a sign around your neck identifying you as a newcomer (unless you’ve been transferred, in which case somebody in the new facility has heard about you in advance through the grapevine). Being singled out as new is both a good and a bad thing. You’re generally ignored, which is lonely but gives you time to get your balance. And, as a newcomer, provided you try to stay the hell out of everyone’s way, you’re given the benefit of the doubt if you do something stupid or disrespect someone unknowingly. Screw up, and you’ll get a warning and an explanation. Provided you take both politely and with an apology, there is no harm and no foul.

I hung around my bunk for an hour or so, taking occasional walks through the halls and reading material on the bulletin board. I had showered that morning at home, and didn’t have any toiletries to use or clean clothes to change into, so there wasn’t much else for me to do. Around 3pm they had mail call, which was a bunch of inmates crammed into one of the larger TV room/Classrooms as a CO shouted out names. I knew I wasn’t going to get any mail yet, but I watched anyway just to get the feel of how it worked, and to kill time.

Back in my bunk a bit later, I heard a CO shout “Stand Up!” Everybody else stood and kept quiet, so I figured that’s what I was supposed to do too. Sure, enough, this was my first encounter with the daily “Stand-Up Count.” At this time every day, every inmate is to be counted and accounted for, standing in his living area. The only exceptions are inmates who are working at their assigned job during that time, and they are also counted standing but by their work CO instead. If the numbers don’t add up, they recount. If they STILL don’t add up, they come through with their inmate books and do a true census, one inmate at a time, until they figure out who is missing. If you’re not in your living area, or if you move from that area before the count is cleared, you could be in for a heap of trouble, ranging from sanctions and extra duty to going to the hole for who knows how long. You don’t screw with a stand-up count. There are other counts during the night, but they’re not stand-up. But this count, once a day (with an extra stand-up count on weekends and holidays around 10:30am), is deadly serious with the staff.

Of course, it depends on the staff and the inmate. Sometimes an inmate might be asleep, and if he doesn’t wake up and stand in time, he might get in trouble, or he might just get a warning of some kind. You’d expect an inmate’s bunkmate would watch his back and get him up, but sometimes they hate each other, or sometimes the bunkmate is such a piece of crap that he won’t do anything to help ANYBODY. But you just never knew. One hard-ass CO was famous for severe punishment when somebody messed up his count. He came through one day, and saw an inmate was sleeping in the top bunk. He kicked the bed to wake him up, moving on with the count. I assume he planned to come back and yank the inmate out afterward. But this inmate woke with such a start that as he tried to climb down from the top bunk he lost his footing (there is no easy way to climb down) and fell face first onto the floor in a terrible crash of body, metal chair, and other items. The CO finished this section of the count and walked over to find the inmate groggily trying to recover. All the CO could manage that day was a semi-sympathetic “Dude, are you okay?” Seeing the inmate wasn’t bleeding, he moved on. I guess busting your ass (or face), to the amusement of the CO and other inmates, is sometimes punishment enough.

Dinner came next. I was pleasantly surprised that the food was not as terrible as I had feared. The portions of protein were somewhat limited, but there was plenty of lettuce and some other items on the salad bar, water or soda from the dispenser, a dessert item, and a side item. Desserts or other limited items could be traded among the inmates, or simply given away to friends if you didn’t want them (I don’t like bananas, so those I always gave away freely). Unfortunately, the quality and quantity of food served would decline as I continued by prison experience. I was told by a staff member late in my sentence that the amount of money spent per inmate per day on food within the Bureau of Prisons had dropped from over $3.25 to close to $1.00 between when I arrived and when I went home. Believe me, you could tell the difference. Growing populations, budget limitations, and rising food costs took a heavy toll. In fact, as more and more crimes became Federal crimes, the rapid growth in population would take a toll on just about every aspect of prison life by the time I left.

Overall, my first day was tolerable, and helped me accept that I could survive this experience without killing myself or being killed by others. But the night had one last surprise for me. This was early November, in the Pennsylvania countryside, so it was bound to get quite cold at night. Lucky me, as it turned out, the heat in our living quarters had not been working for a day or so (I felt cold all day but figured it was just me). So we had to sleep with no heat. For most inmates this wasn’t a huge problem; they just slept with long johns and maybe two pairs of socks. Not me! I didn’t have any long johns yet, and the one pair of socks I had been given were old, thin, and had holes in them. Even my blanket was thinner (and you only get one blanket). So I had the pleasure of spending my first night in prison freezing my ass off, listening to the sounds of 60 men sleeping in the same room. I did get some sleep, in between the snoring and the farting and the coughing…and the chattering of my teeth. A nice reminder, if nothing else, that there would be surprises waiting around every corner!

The Counterfeiters – This German film is based at least partially on true circumstances. During the late stages of World War II, Nazi Germany seizes upon a plan to print tremendous quantities of counterfeit British Pounds and U.S. Dollars, in an effort both to finance their own war efforts and to cripple the economies of the opposition.

At the Sachsenhausen concentration camp, a group of hand-picked Jews is segregated from the general population to work on “Operation Bernhard.” Among them is Salomon Sorowitsch (Karl Markovics), regarded as one of the greatest counterfeiters of his time. The film explores the motivations and desires of the Jews, and the struggle between collaboration in exchange for survival, and the need to resist in order to maintain some principles and dignity. It’s a very strong film, but one which does not attempt to pull at the heartstrings in a Hollywood fashion. Instead, it simply lays the story out, these privileged Jews who are reminded by the world all around them how close they themselves are to the gas chambers and obliteration. It may not be around theaters much longer, but look for it, or watch it when its available on DVD.

Seen on DVD – The Positively True Adventures of the Alleged Texas Cheerleader-Murdering Mom (B-, quirky and fun but didn’t hold up quite as well as I’d hoped. Still, very accurate in its depiction of small-town Texas life). The Brady Bunch Movie (B, worth watching again after all these years. I remember WAY too much from the original episodes). Fur (D+, which is being overly generous. Just terribly boring, mediocre acting, no emotion. Nothing). The Shape of Things (D, we chose this on the strength of Neil LaBute’s awesome In the Company of Men. But the dialogue, along with everything else, seems forced and has no ring of truth. Skip it). Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead (B, pretty good tale of the “perfect crime” gone horribly wrong.). Going in Style (B+, a classic movie, Heather had never seen it). No Country For Old Men (B, as bad-ass as the villain was, I still much prefer Fargo).

Natural Law by Joey W. Hill – A great story about one woman’s complete dominance of an alpha male. I wouldn’t want to do it myself, but it makes a great story and an orgasmic read! 5 pumpkins.

Lucinda Darkly by Sunny – Story about a kindhearted demon Princess . It actually works better than it sounds. She still has lots of good evil moments. 4 pumpkins.

Not in Kansas Anymore by Christine Wicker – Subtitled “A Curious Tale of How Magic is Transforming America.” One reporter’s quest to discover true magic in America. Even though she is a nonbeliever, she keeps an open mind. Ranges from serious to silly. I liked it! 4 pumpkins.

Fire Study by Maria V. Snyder – It was decent. The first two in the series were much better. I had to force myself to read the last ¼ of the book. 2 ½ pumpkins.

The Painted Kiss by Elizabeth Hickey – In the beginning it was a very interesting fictionalized story about the relationship between Gustav Klimt and Emilie Flöge (the model for his most famous piece, The Kiss). At about halfway through it ran out of steam. 3 pumpkins.

The Almost Moon by Alice Sebold – The idea behind the story was good, about a woman who kills her mother. But since she killer her in the first chapter, after that it went nowhere. 2 pumpkins.

Eclipse by Stephanie Meyer – The first two books in the Twilight series were great. Unfortunately, this one was definitely not. I looked forward to it with much anticipation, but I only made it through 1/4 of the book, and I cannot force myself to go any further. 2 pumpkins.

The Greatest Movies You’ve Never Seen – Chapter One:

“In the Company of Men”

Besides talking out movies from my childhood which I’m just now rediscovering, I thought it might be good to use this column to introduce the uninformed to some terrific movies that might have slipped through the cracks. This month, I’d like to call your attention to Neil LaBute’s dark film “In the Company of Men.”

Unlike “The Shape of Things” (which is listed in the Seen on DVD section), “In the Company of Men” is filled with delicious dialogue which sounds and feel honest and realistic. The acting is well-done, but not overplayed. In fact, the whole film carries with it a sort of everyday, low-fidelity weight. Like the drudgery of life when it falls into routine, the settings, direction, and cinematography pull you into a mundane world of small offices, middle-management jerks, and everything else you find in the part of the corporate world populated by those without keys to the executive washroom.

The plot is built around two junior executives, travelling to an out-of-town office to work on a project. Howard (Matt Malloy) is a semi-nerd-nice-guy who is tasting his first bite of authority. Chad (Aaron Eckhart) is working under him. During the journey from home, the two discuss recent betrayals by women. Chad points out that at this new location they can basically be whoever they want to be…they’re known by name only. He devises a scheme to both occupy their free time and to regain their feelings of power and control over women. Evil and simple, the plan is to find a typical woman at the office who has low self-esteem; one who has given up on the idea of a Prince Charming. Then, supposedly without the other one’s knowledge, they will both court her, with a focus on romance – flowers, dinners, ice shows – rather than sex. As Chad describes, they will build her up and build her up until the very end, when as they leave town again they will pull the rug out from under her. As she crashes down, Chad says they will from that point forward always be able to take pride in knowing they “got one of them way worse them they ever got one of us.”

How the plan plays out, who the select, and what else is at stake will all be left for you to discover. The film is available on DVD and VHS, and most on-line services like Blockbuster and Netflix have it in stock. I should add that I frequently suggest this film to any younger women I am friends with (between 18 and 28) as a must see, sort of a lesson in what many men are all about and how truly evil some of them can be.

If you’ve never seen it, let me know what you think. And if you HAVE seen it, drop me a letter and tell me if you agree with my recommendation.

Paul Milewski: [on downloading the subzine] I tried the first link [to the ES Yahoo Group] but the new upgraded security here at work has it blocked as an "entertainment" URL.  However, I was able to get through to whiningkentpigs.com oddly enough.  I guess our security software assumes that whiningkentpigs is a name for a division of Microsoft or something.  I will look forward to reading it.

Bureaucracy at its finest! Now let me tell you a little something about TPS reports…

Chris Babcock: Regarding Kevin Wilson’s search for the source of a quote, I don't know which quote exactly Kevin is thinking of, but the sentiment is the theme of 'Variable Star' by Heinlein and Robinson. The novel, of
course, repeats that wisdom in numerous pithy statements placed in the mouths of its characters. I would be surprised if it wasn't in there.

Jérémie LeFrancois: Since you love cats, take a look at my mother's website www.chatterley.fr - she breeds Birman cats and there are nice pictures there. Most of the site is in French (I helped setting it up), but as a retired English teacher she will probably translate it one day...

Andy York: The bit about your introduction into the federal prison system doesn't surprise me. Large, decentralized, institutions have parts that take on a life of their own sometimes - and, then have those quirks known to a third party (the judicial system) is almost impossible.

I’m still a bit shocked though at how completely wrong they can be between two agencies that have to deal with each other on a daily basis. Oh well, par for the course.

Berend Renken: Some brief movie reviews (most recent releases listed first): The Diving Bell and the Butterfly (B+, quite engaging, true story about a man left completely paralyzed after a stroke, filmed from his perspective; it bugged me that he seemed more upset about loss of speech than about loss of mobility); Cloverfield (C+, nice little piece of entertainment but not more than that, made for a young audience); American Gangster (A, beautifully made movie on the rise and fall of Frank Lucas, innovative drug lord of the 1970's); The Last King of Scotland (A, Forest Whitaker does stunning job through nuanced portrayal of a human monster (Idi Amin, former dictator of Uganda), accompanying role & story (of a young Scottish doctor getting ever more tightly involved with Idi) very well done also); Who Killed the Electric Car? (A, a documentary you should see on how public demand does not determine public consumption); The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (D, incoherent piece of crap with isolated bits of originality and good acting, unfunny while made after one of the funniest books ever written, how did they do that?); The Machinist (A-, very well made, a dedicated Christian Bale did not eat for almost a month in order to accurately portray the lead character, great story but perhaps slightly moralistic when all has been explained); Chronos (B, nonverbal with beautiful photography, reminiscent of "Koyaanisqatsi" but without the depth of message).

Hitchhiker was a terrible disappointment. How can a book that great be a film that bad?

Diplomacy (Black Press): Signed up: Nobody, takes seven to fill.

I may offer another Gunboat 7x7 soon, so keep your eyes open. Other options are a game of Youngstown or some other map variant. If you have requests please let me know.

Diplomacy “Wouldn’t It Be Nice?” 2008A, Spring 1902

Austria (Kevin Wilson): A Budapest – Rumania, F Greece - Bulgaria(sc) (*Fails*),

A Serbia Supports A Budapest – Rumania, A Trieste – Budapest, A Vienna - Trieste.

England (Jérémie LeFrançois): F London - English Channel, F North Sea Convoys A Yorkshire – Denmark,

F Norway – Skagerrak, A Yorkshire - Denmark (*Bounce*).

France (Alexander Levinson): A Brest – Picardy, A Burgundy – Ruhr, A Paris - Burgundy (*Bounce*),

F Portugal Hold, A Spain - Gascony.

Germany (Graham Wilson): A Belgium Supports F Holland, A Berlin - Munich (*Fails*),

F Holland Supports A Belgium, A Kiel - Denmark (*Bounce*).

Italy (Don Williams): A Munich - Burgundy (*Bounce*), F Naples - Ionian Sea, F Rome - Tyrrhenian Sea,

F Tunis - Western Mediterranean, A Venice - Piedmont.

Russia (Melinda Holley): A Moscow Supports F Sevastopol, F Sevastopol Supports A Ukraine - Rumania (*Cut*),

F Sweden Supports A London – Denmark (*Fails*), A Ukraine - Rumania (*Bounce*), A Warsaw - Galicia.

Turkey (Brad Wilson): A Armenia Supports A Constantinople – Sevastopol,

F Black Sea Convoys A Constantinople – Sevastopol, A Bulgaria - Rumania (*Bounce*),

A Constantinople - Sevastopol (*Fails*).

Unit locations:

Austria: A Budapest, F Greece, A Rumania, A Serbia, A Trieste.

England: F English Channel, F North Sea, F Skagerrak, A Yorkshire.

France: A Gascony, A Paris, A Picardy, F Portugal, A Ruhr.

Germany: A Belgium, A Berlin, F Holland, A Kiel.

Italy: F Ionian Sea, A Munich, A Piedmont, F Tyrrhenian Sea, F Western Mediterranean.

Russia: A Galicia, A Moscow, F Sevastopol, F Sweden, A Ukraine.

Turkey: A Armenia, F Black Sea, A Bulgaria, A Constantinople.

Fall 1902 Deadline is June 24^th 2008 at 7:00am

PRESS

Somewhere West of the Hobby…An Embarrassment of Wilsons “Wouldn’t it be Nice to get yer winnings back, or in yer case…yer losins’? Har, har, har,” guffawed Wandering Eye Wilson. He had a wide and very self satisfied smile framed by his long bushy mustaches, and he took one finger and pushed up on the wide brim of his Stetson so that it sat back on his head. He looked straight at Deadeye with his piercing blue eye, the green one wavered about a little and only glanced in his general direction. Deadeye glowered back in return. The boys from the Whining Pig were crowded around the poker table in the midst of the Heart of Darkness Saloon. Bruno was at the piano banging out a fury of what passed for melody, and a friendly game of cards was in progress. Or as friendly as it got around these here parts.

“Nice! Ya no good varmint. I got half a mind to show you ‘nice’. Take you outside and whoop yer ass!,” said Deadeye Wilson, loudly, as was his wont.

“Heehawhhh!!!”

“Whut was that?”

“An old joke, getting’ older,” grumbled Tried and True Wilson, one of the other card-players, and dressed to look the part. His wide brimmed black riverboat gambler hat, his shiny brocade vest, and his polished knee high boots projected an image of someone more at ease on a sidewheeler than in the saddle.

“Wull, he is right about one thing,” opined Cookie, “ he does have half a mind. Hark, spoit,” he spat his tobacco juice into the hay on the floor.

“Don’t get started Cookie, or you’ll be number two on my list.”

“Didn’t rightly know you could count that high,” said Cookie. The words came out low and quiet, further muffled by the mop of grizzled white beard, tinged with tobacco juice and coffee stains. The old Cook enjoyed these little soirées into town, to let the boys cut loose and get the burrs out from under their saddles.

“Ever time I play you cards, you cheat,” bellowed Deadeye, “always got a pair o’ eights, or a pair o’ deuces, two pair…”

Wandering Eye Wilson, one eye slightly askew, retorted, “isn’t my fault I got the double vision.”

“It don’t work that way!” yelled Deadeye, “it don’t mean you can put more cards in the deck!”

“Yer just jealous of my good fortune,” said Wandering Eye Wilson, “ever since that night after the last drive, you have just been one envious galoot.”

“What happened after the last drive?” asked Tried and True Wilson, leaning forward in his chair.

“We wuz here at the Heart of Darkness, me and Deadeye here. We wuz flirtin’ up some of the dance hall girls,” answered Wandering Eye, “and I got the twins to go upstairs with me. And he didn’t…it’s that simple. Pure…D…green…envious…jealousy.”

“I keep tellin’ ya. It weren’t twins!” said Deadeye. “It was one girl!”

“THEY WUZ SISTERS,” shouted back Wandering Eye with a pout on his face. He pointed his finger at Deadeye, “yer just a sore loser.”

“Ah’m about to make you a sore winner,” retorted Deadeye, “take you out on that there verdana and fix yer wagon.”

“I believe you mean the veranda?” said Tried and True.

“Not in this here szine. He only prints in verdana,” said Cookie, “hark, spoit,” he spit into the brass spittoon next to the table.

“Why don’t I just shoot you down in the street,” said Wandering Eye Wilson menacingly.

“Har, har,” Deadeye replied slowly, emphasizing the sarcasm, choosing to mock the archaic form of laughter that Wandering Eye Wilson had used just lines above, “you wouldn’t know which one of me to shoot at.”

“Oh, I’d just close one eye and shoot at what’s left, or I can keep ‘em both open and shoot at what’s right,” replied Wandering Eye, “either way, you’d have a bug tussle o’ trouble.”

Deadeye stood up and loomed over the table. “You sayin’ you can shoot better’n me?!! Boy, I shit bigger than you!”

“He is a big shit,” muttered Cookie.

“Keep it ta yerself, Cookie,” Deadeye shot back.

“Wull, I’d say it ‘sot-to voce’, but I don’t speak the ‘eye-talian’,” muttered Cookie.

“Hell,” opined Tried and True Wilson, “ I shoot better than the both of ya’ sad saddles.”

The other two Wilsons slowly turned their heads and looked at Tried and True. He sat there leaning his chair back on its hind two legs, a self satisfied smile on his face.

“Whut did you say!” bellowed Deadeye.

“He said that he could shoot better’n than the two o’ ya,” said Cookie, “hark, spoit.”

Deadeye turned his glower to Cookie. “It was rhetorical Cookie, I didn’t really want to know.”

“I smell a bet,” said Wandering Eye Wilson, he picked up some of the coins in front of him on the table and let them clink back down into a short pile. Tinck…tinck…tinck.

“Oh, that hadn’t crossed my mind, perish the thought,” said Tried and True, as his smile widened.

“I bet it hadn’t,” replied Wandering Eye.

“Now, that’s two bets,” said Cookie.

“COOKIE!” said all three Wilsons in unison.

“Outside, and we’ll just see who can shoot better’n who,” groused Deadeye Wilson. He stomped toward the back door of the saloon. Wandering Eye Wilson nodded toward Tried and True Wilson and got up to follow. Tried and True set his chair down and went after them. All the other Wilsons and patrons sensed something was “happening” and followed suit. A current of bodies moved through the back door and The Heart of Darkness poured its contents into the alley. Bruno looked up from the piano into the suddenly quiet and near empty saloon. He stopped playing and shook his cramping fingers; “good time for a break.”

Cookie sat alone at the table. All the other chairs were empty. The stacks of coins sat lonely, undisturbed in little piles around the table. Undisturbed…and unattended. Cookie looked at them and a slow grin spread across his face, and his gold tooth gleamed in good cheer. He rubbed his hands together.

“Well, well, well.”

The saloon being practically emptied out in the tumult gave S’ym an opportunity to pick up empty beer mugs and dump ashtrays. Most of the tables were empty, and many of the dance hall girls were unoccupied, almost bewildered by the sudden lack of customers. S’ym went by a table that had a cowpoke sitting in his chair with both Patrice and Synda sitting in his lap. They had been paying the cowpoke a great deal of attention and had not noticed everyone traipsing out the back door. S’ym picking up the empty beer mugs and shot glasses off the table brought the three out of their reverie. They slowly looked around the bar.

“S’ym, where did everybody go,” asked Synda?