Who
Am I?
I
wanted to get back in the saddle, so to speak, and write some more prison
stories for this issue. Then, with
Christmas coming up I thought about going over some of the old Kent family
holiday stories…my siblings all know them well enough (and Heather has heard
most of them too many times to count), but they haven’t been shared with the
world as of yet. They’ll have to wait
for another time, though. For whatever
reason, I just haven’t found the inspiration to write any of that stuff this
month.
To
tell you the truth, I’ve been feeling rather depressed for the past month or
two. It’s not constant, and it isn’t so
powerful that I can’t fight through it.
It just seems to hit me in the quieter moments, when I’m alone with my
thoughts. Maybe when I’m driving, or
when I’m home by myself. The noises in
my head subside temporarily, and I feel very sad, and lonely. It’s a very odd sensation, one which I have
never experienced before. Sure, I’ve
been depressed plenty…I truly believe that if I wasn’t so horribly afraid of
dying, there are a number of times I would have killed myself. But for me that never was an available
option, because the worst pain and worst anger and worst frustration was still better than nothing at all. The thought of nonexistence, of true nothing
– not blank, empty space, but the lack of anything, the lack of all sensation,
the lack of self awareness, because I would no longer be self, I would no
longer be at all – can send me spinning into a near panic. If I shake my head and my body and refocus to
the world around me, it passes…but in the pit of my stomach the fear remains.
But
this sadness inside of my heart has been so different. I tried to explain it to my therapist during
our monthly appointment (U.S. Probation has decided that I am too well to have
more than one session a month now) but I didn’t have a good handle on it. I thought maybe it was thinking about the
time of year, or the various milestones I see in November and December: Mara’s
birthday, the day I went to prison, the day Mara tried to kill herself, the day
Mara and her second husband did kill themselves…but those
weren’t the triggers this time. My heart
feels like its being pulled, not yanked, but drawn out
as if it needs to go somewhere, but there is nowhere to go…no destination to
reach.
About
thirty minutes ago I finally realized where this emptiness is coming from. I can’t say why it chose the past few weeks
to expand and grow, but to be able and identify this emotion has had a strange
calming effect. Well, after I broke down
sobbing uncontrollably in the kitchen, that is.
It’s nothing amazing, nothing dire, even nothing slightly unusual. In fact, it is one of the most normal
emotions I have ever pinpointed (which could be one reason it felt to unnatural
to me).
It’s
just that I miss my father much more than I’ve allowed myself to admit. I miss him being a part of my life, I miss
being able to talk to him, and I miss having him to turn to when I needed to
learn something about myself. Because
the older I get, the more I realize that I am my father. Anything I like about myself, I recognize as
being a part of him. So, in a way, I am
a constant reminder to myself how much I miss him.
My
father was really two different people in my mind. The first was when he and my mother were
still together. That man was struggling
to move from one day to the next, and felt a deep frustration that he didn’t
have all the answers. He wanted to know
what to do, how to make this life he found himself in work the way it was
supposed to. He tried to be supportive
of his wife, to work hard, to be a good person.
He loved his children and wanted the best for them. But he was trapped in a living nightmare, one
from which there were only two ways to cope: spend as much of the day as far
away from the asylum as possible, and when stuck there use whatever methods
were readily available to numb himself.
He did his best to smile and fake his way through it, and to find
pleasures where and when he could, but the happiness he longed for had eluded
him. In point of fact, I don’t think he
believed it existed anymore. This was
life, this was his lot, and it would continue this way, day after day, until it
ended…in nothingness. Although he was
born Jewish, my father always described himself to me as an atheist, In that regard, I
suppose he believed that the end of life was the end of existence. So, even a life of misery was better than the
alternative.
One
day, for some reason, in some way I never had a chance to learn, he found the
strength to break free. It may have
actually been that my mother forced the issue and demanded the divorce that he
for so long had tried to get. That’s
sort of the way I remember it, but I could be wrong. He never quit…she did. And like that, he was free. It must have been similar to someone who has
been sentenced to life in prison getting a call from the Warden after 15 years
to be told that new DNA evidence has proved his innocence. Whenever I saw him over the next five years,
he just looked like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. There was also a look of guilt, because I
believe he punished himself a bit for leaving the rest of us inmates behind. Often he’d tell one of us “I just want to
think that you’re all okay and happy and being taken care of.” So financially he did more than his share,
but my mother’s acidic hatred of him during this stage kept him at a distance.
Actually,
in retrospect, I have developed the theory that more than anything else, my
mother resented the fact that her decision to divorce my father did nothing but
make his life tolerable again, even happy…words he never imagined he’d be able
to use again to describe his world. She
had tortured him and made his life a horror show for so long, but once he left
she no longer had that constant power over him to poison his will to live. As the years went by, I think she
rationalized those feelings by rewriting a good deal of their history. She might even remember that for a brief time
they loved each other.
I
followed a similar path. I built myself
a world as an adult which unintentionally became a misery. And like my father before me, I did my best
to stick with that life, until my wife quit on it. Although in my case, she quit by attempting
suicide, instead of demanding divorce.
It probably took me longer than it did him, but I eventually realized
that life can be beautiful, that love can be wonderful, and that home can be a
place I want to be, and a place I can look forward to coming…as Heather calls
it, her “happy place.” Instead of
escaping home by hiding in the world, I can escape the frustrations of the
world by being at home. And I know that,
for him, when he married Barbara that is what his life became.
Also,
as he did, I have learned that it’s okay not to have the answers. Nobody knows what they’re doing…we all fake
our way through it, by doing the best we can at the moment. I’m still having a hard time forgiving myself
for those decisions I wish I could take back, but I’m working on it. I can’t ask him about his regrets, or whether
he was able to settle them in his mind and in his heart, because he is gone.
But
despite all that, he does live on inside of me.
In my devious, sarcastic sense of humor…in quick wit…in the way some
music touches me…in my love for my wife…in my appreciation for many small
things…in my love and compassion for animals.
Obviously all these things aren’t completely from him, and I know that
I share some less desirable traits with my father as well, like my anxiety
problems, my diminishing hairline, my occasional lack of patience, and my fear
of the unknown. The way I see it,
though, the least I can do is try to improve myself, and try to be as happy and
satisfied and fulfilled as I can be…because that’s what he wanted for me, and
for all his children: he just wanted us to be okay, to be happy, and to be
taken care of.
Last
month, I posed the following (from Tom Swider): In the HR field, something that has actually happened a few times
(including my boss) is this, believe it or not: recent
college grads that go for job interviews
who don't get the job or new hires that get their first performance reviews
don't get all "1's" (highest possible score). The boss gets a call
from the parents wanting an explanation as to why their son/daughter didn't get
the job, or didn't get the highest possible performance rating. What would you
do as the boss?
Jamie McQuinn - In my job I hire a lot of high school and college students for
part-time jobs, and the only time I have had to interact with a parent is
when they have been my "special needs" kids. I had to fire one who
could not do the required tasks, in spite of extensive training. His Dad called
and threatened me. I just hung up on him.
In any other context, if a parent called me
regarding in the above scenario, I would simply explain that I cannot discuss
this with them. I wouldn't be rude or sarcastic. Just wish them
a good day. Then tell the employee (if they are working for me) that
under no circumstances should I be getting a call like that from a parent.
Tom Swider - In the
case of the intrusive parent, the best response is to tell the parent that you
are not permitted to disclose or discuss private and confidential information.
Sorry mommy and daddy, baby's all grown up now.
David Burgess – I would politely
tell the parents that due to confidentiality laws I can't discuss these matters
with anyone but the interviewee. I wouldn't care if was true or not...
Seriously,
I can't imagine this really happens! However, I have a 13 year
old son with mild developmental issues. 90% of the people that
meet him don't think anything is out of the ordinary or they just think he's a
little quirky. Some people who are more in-tune will pick up slight clues
regarding his "issue". I am terrified for the day when he
actually does have a job interview! Socially, he has the most
troubles. (looking people in the eye, nervous
gestures, etc) Most likely, he will get more than his fair share of
rejections because he will interview very poorly. We have to
practice with role playing any situation he has not encountered over and over
and over again to get him used to things. As tempting as it may be to
discuss things with a potential employer, I have to let him grow up and do
things on his own...as tough as it may be!
I have another story that is somewhat off
topic. But, I'm on a roll...I interviewed with a company who came to
snowy upstate NY in December to do on-campus interviews during my senior
year of college. They picked 3 of the 15 candidates to be flown(all expenses paid!) to sunny Florida for a second
interview. They picked the top 2 students of my engineering class
and myself (the unanimous selection for party chairman
of the engineering club). Luckily, I hit it off with the young female HR
recruiter who was sent to do the interviews! (We actually ended up
dating, but that's a story for another day) I went on the interview and
thought things went extremely well. Two weeks after the interview, I
received a polite rejection letter. I was crushed. They
offered the other 2 classmates a job, but not me! Several weeks went by
and I was telling the story to one of my professors. He said to call them
up and ask them why I didn't get the job? I
thought that was crazy. But, he convinced me that I really had nothing to
lose! Most likely, I'll never see any of these people again and I might
be helpful for future interviews. I (not my parents) called my
friendly HR recruiter and asked her why I didn't get the job??? She told
me she had never had someone ask her that before. But, she said she would
see what she could find out. I got a call 2 hours later with a job offer! She
said they looked it over and decided to make me an offer! So, sometimes
it pays to be bold! I took the job and it started me on my career path!
Who knows where I would be today if I didn't make that phone call?
Melinda Holley - As the boss, I would be very nice and hold my
laughter until after I hung up the phone. I would tell the parents that
I'm sorry but due to confidentiality regulations, I am unable to discuss this
matter with them. However, I'd be more than happy to discuss it with the
employee.
Kevin Wilson - I
think you are right, at least a little. The quirkiness of the hypothetical questions may not have appealed to
some. I know they seemed odd to me. But you were also expressing a
desire for more content so I figured I'd reply this time. I think this
question was a bit more interesting. What would I do? I know what I
wish I would have the guts to do but I also know what I would probably
do. I wish I had the guts to tell the parents that their child is a grown
person and didn't need them to hold their hand, clear a path and console their
disappointments. Further I'd want to tell them that by continuing the
farce that their child is the greatest they are only creating further
situations for disappointment. There will ALWAYS be someone smarter,
stronger, better suited or better in some other measure. But, what I
would probably say is something like, while we were interested in the candidate
we had a large selection of possible candidates and felt another was a better
fit for the job or the company or something like that. For the review
version of the question, that's less of a problem for me. I've always
been told I'm a fairly stern reviewer, including myself. To get 1s from
me you would need to consistently knock the lights out, something which I know
even I don't do.
Heather – I’d just say “We do not employ you. We employ your child (or we were considering
employing your child). Now cut the apron
strings.”
My answer is
despite my desire to be rude or sarcastic, I would suppress the urge to say
something like “I imagine it was because of the poor parenting job you did” and
simply state “We do not discuss confidential personnel matters with anyone, but
I am sure you realize a number of factors come into play when decisions are
made. Have a good day. Goodbye.
(click).”
This month’s hypothetical: You participate
in a football pool at your job. The
company is large and has hundreds of employees in your building, so not
everybody knows everybody else. Each
week you pay $5 to play, in a simple pool where you select a winner in each pro
game on Sunday, and a total score on Monday to break any ties. Monday morning you’re informed that you tied
for first place with three other employees.
You don’t know much about football, so this is surprising to you. You check your Sent email folder and see you
predicted a total score of 42 for the Monday night game. Whoever gets closest without going over wins
the entire pot, which is close to $500. Tuesday morning you arrive at the office and
are congratulated: the final score of the game was 17-10. Somehow the person running the pool had innocently
transposed your total, and thought you selected 24. You also discover that there was only one
other employee who guessed below 30: a generally-disliked woman who works in
the custodial department had guessed 21.
The holidays are arriving; with the tough economic times there are no
bonuses at your company this year, so this money will likely be the difference
between “merry” and “bah-humbug” in your household. Any attempt to share the winnings with the
other woman will draw her suspicion and reveal the mistake, so that is not an
option. Do you keep the money or do you
admit the error?
Milk – If you go to the
theater to see Milk, the new Gus Van Sant film starring
Sean Penn, it is not necessary for you to know anything about the real Harvey
Milk. If you are educated about the
first openly gay man to hold a major political office in the United States,
you’ll still find the movie powerful.
After all, it was only three decades ago that Harvey Milk was
assassinated. Yet the days of such
outright and accepted hatred and bigotry against the homosexual community seem
further removed than they really are.
Van Sant helps to paint that focus by opening
the film with a montage of newspaper clippings and news video from the era,
with police raiding bars and arresting homosexuals simply for being in such an
establishment. And the violence is not
isolated to the prelude, as we see police (with their badges covered) in San
Francisco with organized attacks on homosexual patrons after Milk (Sean Penn)
has moved with his lover Scott Smith (James Franco) to the Castro
district.
Even
in an area with a large homosexual population, the reception from follow
proprietors is less than warm when the two decide to open a camera store. Milk realizes that if the community bands
together, they can help homosexual-friendly businesses thrive (not solely those
owned by homosexuals; simply those that welcome them into their stores), and
put those who hate gays out of business.
This organization leads to his desire to run for city office, to give
the community someone to speak for their needs and to their issues. A series of failures follows, through which
Harvey learns about the political machine and his need to mix more hope into
his message. Eventually he
succeeds…which is only the beginning of the battle, as soon California is
facing Anita Bryant and Proposition 6 (which would require the dismissal of all
homosexual teachers, and anyone who supports them).
Through
it all we are exposed to the contagious charm of Harvey. Despite being hours away from turning 40, he
is able to convince a younger Scott to spend the night with him after seeing
him on New York subway station steps. And one by one, Milk wins over those who
oppose him. We also learn what a
personal toll his career took in addition to his eventual assassination. His relationships have to take a back seat to
his campaigning, and he and Scott are unable to weather the storm. But as he explains to the city politician who
will eventually pull the trigger and end his life (Josh Brolin),
these are not just political issues he and his supporters are fighting
for. They are fighting for their very
lives.
Sean
Penn gives a commanding performance, weaving a convincing and complete
character study. We know what makes
Harvey tick, we feel his pain and we share his triumphs. Penn does this not just with words, but
mannerisms, laughs…his eyes, hands, a tilt of the head. I’m told those who knew Harvey Milk
personally are quite taken both with the film and with Sean Penn’s
portrayal. I suppose there isn’t a
batter recommendation for the film than that.
Anyone who take the time to find the film (it
is in limited release at the moment) are sure to be rewarded for the
experience.
Seen
on DVD
– All the President’s Men (A-, aside
from wonderful insights into how a newspaper worked back then – as it seems it
doesn’t work that way at all in the current age – the film reminds you of how
completely different political reporting is in this century). Presumed
Innocent (B+, another movie with very strong staying power. Raul Julia plays Rusty’s defense attorney
with precise flair). Scent of a Woman (B, but I suppose this
is more of a guy movie. Heather’s
comment when she’d finished was “well, now I never need to watch that
again”). Fort Apache the Bronx (B, doesn’t quite hold up as well as I’d
hoped, but still a very good film. Pam
Grier is nasty). Miracle Mile (B+, I used to have terrible
nightmares about nuclear war, and watching this movie doesn’t help much). Salem’s
Lot (B, the original David Soul version, bits of it are 70’s-cheesy but I
still like it). The Evil Dead (B+, still good for at
least one viewing a year. Join us!) The
Hunt for the BTK Killer (B-, typical made-for-TV docudrama, but I did learn
things about BTK I was unaware of). Killer Klowns
From Outer Space (B, everybody should see this once, just for fun. And Heather hates clowns!) Swamp
Thing (B-, notoriously goofy but fun to watch again after all these
years. Of course, they gave Jude all the
best lines).
Careless Whispers – Carlton Stowers – This true-crime book details the savage rapes and
murders of one young man and two young women in the Lake Waco area (about
halfway between Dallas and Austin, Texas).
Much of the book is focused on the actions of Truman Simons, a cop
unpopular within his own department.
Simons doggedly fights to uncover missed clues and solve the crimes when
the Waco Police Department seems to have given up. At times when reading the book I began to get
the feeling that Stowers was painting Simons as a
one-dimensional hero, but if the book is accurate it was pretty much only due
to his selfless work that the killers were ever caught. Stowers also lets us in on the lengths the police were occasionally
willing to go to, such as discussing ideas with psychics. Overall it was a decent read, but to me there
was no real climax…the trial itself was rather boring.
Instead of quickie book reviews this
month, I wanted to talk about some of the DVDs I’ve been watching during my
break from school. I love the series “Buffy
the Vampire Slayer” and “Angel,” both created by Joss Whedon. In fact, I love them so much that I decided
to see if there were any other series that he had created. I found out that he
did another short-lived television series called “Firefly.” At
first, reading the description, I was a bit hesitant.....a science
fiction-western? I did not know if it was something I would enjoy. I also could not conceive of how a show could
contain those two premises successfully. After some time, jonesing
for some more Joss Whedon (and not ready to watch my complete sets of Buffy or
Angel again just yet), I decided “What the hell!” We have a Netflix membership, so if I hated the series it wouldn’t
cost us anything extra, and I could just send it back.
I watched the first three episodes
and liked it. At that point I told Doug that while I liked it, it was not
something that he needed to worry about buying me for repeat viewings. Boy was
I wrong! After getting the second disk from Netflix, I found myself totally
enthralled in series! I loved the sarcastic humor, the underdog attitudes of
the main characters, and their adventures - where things never turn out the way
they are planned! After watching the second disk, I could not wait for
Netflix to send the third, so I went on Hulu and
watched the next three. In doing that I realized (and as you should) just how
hooked I was!!! On Hulu, every five or ten minutes it would freeze, and I would
have to hit pause and wait and then hit play to make it restart. Very
annoying!!!! I am not a patient woman [[I can verify that – Doug]] and I get frustrated
extremely fast. The fact that I was
willing to suffer through this hassle to watch about six episodes is a definite
testament to the quality of the show.
I finished the series with Netflix,
and then found myself not being able to wait again. So I watched the Firefly-based movie "Serenity" on
Amazon's “movie on demand.” “Serenity”
blew me away! It stood on its own as a science
fiction/action/adventure film that was fast-paced, exciting, and with good
special effects (without being annoying). More importantly, “Serenity” helped to tie
up the loose ends from the series, which were caused by “Firefly” being
canceled way too early…”Serenity” gives fans a final dose of the
brilliance that is “Firefly.” I will honestly miss the characters
from this series very much, and all of their wacky adventures! I was given the
series and the movie as a Christmas present,
and I have been bugging the shit out of Doug so we can watch them
together! I can't wait to see “Serenity” again, on our new HD TV (even if
it isn’t a big-screen)!
Tom Swider: Current Netflix
material for me has been "The League of Gentlemen"
(not to be confused with "The League of
Extraordinary Gentlemen"). This is a dark BBC comedy that has some
very eccentric characters, and often many horror elements and references.
Plenty of good quote floating around ... one I liked was by one of the little
Denton girls (twins that were lifted straight from "The Shining") saying about their father "I
once saw him beat a man until he and the man were both crying."
[[Come play with us…for ever…and ever…and ever…]]
Bruce Quinn: I thought I should write and tell that indeed you
have readers. In fact, I have read been reading your zine for about a year now.
Maybe a bit longer. I think I started right when you
were getting married--Oct, 07?
I enjoy the reading and the ruminations and usually plow through the entire
issue. I have been a Diplomacy player for more than 20 years. Mostly
face-to-face games while in the military and then later, while overseas as a foreign service officer. Believe it or not US diplomats are
big fans of the game of Diplomacy. For a little over a year now I have been
playing on the Diplomaticcorp site which I feel is
well managed and a lot of fun.
[[I remember Ken Peel – or was it Ken Hill, I need
to look it up – tried to organize games that were populated exclusively with
players that worked for the US Foreign Service.]]
I remain an expatriate although now with a big multinational instead of the
government. I live in Beijing and Hong Kong,
China, and travel the Asia Pacific region
for business. Married with a son and daughter,
the son lives with me in Beijing and my daughter lives
with her mother, my ex-, in Northern Virginia.
An interesting connection is your prison experience. While I fortunately
was never caught and therefore spared the experience, my father spent two years
in federal prison in Arizona. I thought I would
pass along a short summary of my father's story.
In the earlier years, my father had been quite successful business-wise, rising
from a junior-level door-to-door insurance salesman to a vice president of a
large Southern California bank. After "making it,"
my dad, always a dreamer (and an inventor of odd gadgets later in life),
decided to open his own business. He did so by establishing a real
estate company--Three Worlds--the the mid 1970's.
Three Worlds main rival at the time was another real estate start-up, Century
21. For some time in the early months Three Worlds was actually beating Century
21, which, of course, went on to become a huge, global company (even big here
in China today). Unfortunately, my father made two mistakes when opening his
business: 1., he partnered with the wrong
"friends," and 2., he used his own money--our families money.
Needless, to say, we lost it all within 18 months and had to down-size our
lives pretty drastically. My parents got a divorce (a long time coming) and my
sisters and I got divided between the parents. I went with my father who over
the years founded one enterprise after another: an art gallery (he was a pretty
good amateur oil painter), an investment company and finally a professional
video services company. The kind that does weddings,
graduations, conferences and the like. The video company was what he ran
off to do in Arizona though, after the debacle with his investment company
landed him in hot water with the law.
I could go into more detail, but suffice it to say it is apparently illegal to
roll-over your investors money in rather dubious investments without their
permission. My father did this several times, before hooking answering machines
up to the office phones, loading the car and driving to Arizona. Sometime around midnight, no doubt. I had joined the army
myself by this time and so was really just an outside observer to most of what
transpired. But one fine day, about a year after arriving in Prescott, AZ, and
launching what would turn out to be a rather successful video services
business, the local police showed up at the door and took him away, on behalf
of the Justice Dept.
A swift trial and a five year sentence was handed down. I saw my father maybe
two times over the next two years. He didn't want to see anyone and retreated
into what he called his prison "family." Mostly Latinos it seems. My
father also didn't talk at all about his experiences after his parole. But he
did get into drugs, a gang (former prison mates) and another bad marriage. I
can only describe this period as surreal or me. Here I was this young,
straight-laced, newly minted foreign service officer
off to my first assignment in Central America and
here was my drug addicted, gang-bangin' father. Go
figure. It didn't work well for me though and although he tried to stay in
touch, I was what would be described as an "estranged" son for
maybe ten years.
[[I can’t blame you in the slightest. Many inmates change for the worse during
incarceration. It’s a different world,
and the support system you build around you does not translate well to
law-abiding life when you’re free again.]]
Make a long story short, my father rose above himself, got divorced from his
enabler and managed to put his life back together. He passed away three years
ago now, never attaining some of the loftier goals he had set for himself post-drugs. But he never gave up his artwork or his
tinkering and ultimately left us a patented invention he designed which we are
slowly but surely commercializing. He also turned out to be a pretty good
grandpa.
[[Sounds like your father’s bug mistake, aside from
breaking the law, was going to trial…the Fed’s HATE it when you “Waste their
time” be going to trial. And I have seen
firsthand how difficult reentry into society can be for those who’ve spent time
in prison. And almost all the programs
available to assist convicts are for those who spent time in state prisons,
since the programs are run on a state level.
For the Federal felon, you’re pretty much on your own. I’ve been meaning to write some about the
period I spent in the halfway house, where you’re out of prison but still
effectively an inmate (and still in the custody of the Bureau of Prisons). The promise for the future I could see some
of the inmates I met was quickly dashed when the real world smacked them in the
face.]]
I didn't mean to give you my life story. Just wanted to say hello, thank you
for the zine and encourage you to keep it coming. I suspect there are many more
"closet" readers out there that enjoy it each month.
[[I appreciate it.
And I wouldn’t exactly call it your life story…you didn’t even mention
when you lost your virginity!]]
David Burgess: In response to your rant
at the start of issue #23. It's probably none of my business. But,
since you opened the door, I'm walking through!
I don't know about anyone else. But, I
read ES when I get it. I might not read every single word.
But, I read your prison stories with interest. Maybe it's some morbid
curiosity, but I've led a fairly sheltered life. Raised
in suburbia with a mom, dad and 3 brothers. Went to college, got a job,
got married, bought a house in the suburbs and fathered 2 boys (now 11 and
13). I just live a boring life as computer programmer during the day and
Boy Scout Leader at night. I don't actually know anyone who has ever
spent serious time in jail. I'm sure I know someone, but it's probably
not something they shout to everyone they meet. My exposure is through TV
and the media which is skewed severely.
[[I find that people are VERY interested in
prison…some are most interested in what it was like, while others prefer to
hear about what you did to get there. Either way, it’s a strange, unknown quantity and the “morbid
curiosity” factor is almost universal.]]
I'm not your therapist and I'm not sure if you are
looking for sympathy...But, hell man, smile! Whatever you did, you paid
your debt and you're back on the good side of the fence! Yes, it sounds
like you've had a hard life and a few things haven't gone your way. But,
look at the full half of the glass...You're alive! You made it
through all that stuff and are happily married! You're not
"failing miserably" at life or at the szine.
I'm not sure what your trying to achieve in the end
from publishing this szine. But, you seem to
need to get a few things off your chest. If this outlet serves that one
and only purpose then keep it up until you don't want to do it anymore!
I'll keep reading!
[[Unfortunately, in my mind the act of breaking the
law and going to prison is only one in a long list of mistakes or failures…and
it isn’t at the top of the list. But I
am working on it, and it’s all a basis of comparison. I may sound miserable, but compared to how
I’ve been most of my life, I am positively ecstatic! There’s still a ton of room for improvement
though. The zine works as a way to force
me to keep writing, which is important if I am ever going to publish my work
professionally. And writing about
certain emotional subjects helps me deal with them and squeeze some more of the
poison out. Besides, I enjoy the
companionship of many hobby friends I’ve made over the years! Thanks for writing, and for reading. Sometimes I just find the lack of response
getting me down, but just as in newspapers or magazines or any other media
outlet, the number of people who respond to your work is a small percentage of
those who read it. I imagine that holds
true for this too.]]
The rules to the contest are simple. Below you will find quotes from a number of
movies. Every movie I’m quoting from can
be found in our apartment on DVD or VHS.
Some of the quotes may be off slightly, as they’re all from memory, but
that’s your tough luck. Your mission:
identify as many of the movies as you can.
The person who submits more correct answers than anyone else wins a DVD
of my choosing (unless you live outside of the USA and Canada, in which case
I’ll send you something else since you can’t watch Region 1 DVDs). Research is permitted, but frowned upon
(although a number of these movies can be found mentioned in prior issues of
Eternal Sunshine, or on my 100 Movies list). If anybody is able to identify ALL the movies
correctly, you win a $25 Cinemark gift card!
If more than one person submits all the correct answers, the person who
submitted them first wins. Likewise, if
there is a tie for most number of correct answers, the tie goes to the set of
answers I receive first. Now, on to the
quotes!
1. I discovered that Cook’s Chicken used to be called Coon’s Chicken.
2. And may their first child be a masculine child.
3. The king will be dead in a month, and his son is a weakling. Who do you think will rule this kingdom?
4. How’s that working out for you, being clever?
5. PC Load Letter? What the fuck does
that mean?
6. You can’t be ugly! Be pretty!
7. You take a perfect situation, and you piss all over it.
8. Goody two shoes makes me wanna barf.
9. I like what you’ve got. I guess
it’s okay if you want to show it.
10. Now go home and get your shine box!
11. That’s where I want to live the rest of my life: a warm place with no
memory.
12. Do it soon, or be a baboon.
13. I don’t tip.
14. It’s so insane that someone you’ve never met and never talked to can be
your enemy.
15. So I’m on trial for being afraid?
16. These aren’t…credit cards.
17. It’s in the loft! It’s in the
loft!
18. So, you were having sex with the funny-looking one then?
19. Well, we have two children, and we’ve had sex twice!
20. Not funny ha ha, funny queer.
21. That means you get to drink from the fire hose!
22. I like killing people because it’s so much fun.
23. Wait…was she a great big fat person?
24. There was no way I was gonna walk around this
place with my dork hanging out!
25. Practice your piano, go to hell.
26. I don’t want his cigarettes, or his cigarettes, I want MY cigarettes.
27. Get your ass to Mars.
28. Fresh breath is the priority of my life.
29. That’s means you get to drive us to the Food King!
30. If she had kept on going that way, she’d have gone straight to that
castle!
31. Pork bellies, which are used to make bacon, as you might find in a bacon
and lettuce and tomato sandwich.
32. Pistachio nut. White pistachio
nut. Red pistachio nut.
33. Yes, I always carry this much shit in my bag.
34. Fully medicated, babe.
35. After this Nitsu thing, I got a little
curious…and apart from your Social Security number, there isn’t one piece of
information on your resume that is true.
36. Sorry folks, park’s closed, moose outside shoulda told ya.
37. Harmony…the way you talk!
38. I’m an idea man, Chuck.
39. It me, Maddie.
40. The man of my dreams has almost faded now.
41. Screw the goddam passengers. What the hell did they expect for their lousy
35 cents, to live forever?
42. I’m flesh and blood, but not human.
I haven’t been human for 200 years.
43. Yes, I consider myself a nerd.
And this movie has uplifted me.
44. From now on we’re going to have alternate dinner music because frankly –
and I don’t think I’m alone here – I’m tired of the Lawrence Welk shit.
45. Schreck, that’s a
German word isn’t it? Means fear or
horror.
46. It was a really awful day. I know, I made sure of it.
So pick up the cookie, dip it in the milk, and eat it!
47. The light
concealing cream goes on first, then you blend, and
blend, and blend. Blending is the
secret.
48. My uncle
told me there are only 8 trustworthy people in the world. There were 12, but four were assassinated.
49. Shut it
down. Shut it down, forever!
50. This stupid,
wagon wheel, Roy Rogers, garage sale coffee table!
Deadline for entries is January 26th, 2009 at 7:00am my time. Good
luck!
Brain Farts: The Only Subsubzine With
It’s Own Fragrance
By
Jack “Flapjack” McHugh – jwmchughjr “of” gmail.com
(or just email Doug and he’ll send it to me)
Issue
#2
You stupid bastards
didn’t send me any emails after my first column. That pisses me off. I spend all this time busting my ass, trying
to entertain you morons, and that’s the thanks I get? Screw the whole bunch of you. I was so angry that I thought about skipping
this issue, but then I thought to myself, “Self, if they hate your column, the
best way to punish them would be to keep on publishing.” So that’s what I am doing. I’m short on time since I’m working as Santa
at the PetSmart on the weekends, so this won’t be as
long as I originally planned. Lucky you
for, dumbass dipshits!
I’m not much
for poetry (except dirty limericks), but here are a couple of great poems I got
in an email last week that really touched my heart.
A WOMAN'S
POEM:
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door.
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind, Knows what to answer to
"how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end, And
always be my very
best friend.
A MAN'S POEM:
I pray for a deaf-mute, gymnast nymphomaniac with huge breasts
who owns a bar on a golf course, and loves to send me fishing and drinking.
This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.
Pretty good, right? They should also add
that the woman is an only child, with only one living parent who is wealthy and
102 years old, in a coma. Then again,
with my luck she’d be a Cowboys fan.
That Jerry Jones is such a
creepy-looking S.O.B. If he gets another
facelift he’d be like a walking skull.
Or his face might just snap off entirely. On the next page is a photo of him in his
Christmas Grinch outfit, to get you jack-offs in the Christmas spirit. And for those of you who laughed at my
Cardinals prediction, well ha-ha. They
just won their division. Yes, they’ve
been playing terrible (except when they play in Arizona) but so what? They’ve got Kurt Warner and great receivers. Yeah, I know they can’t run the ball, but I
believe they’ll surprise the lot of you.
If they don’t make it to the Super Bowl, they’ll at least make it to the
NFC Championship Game. Unlike the
Eagles, who aren’t even making the playoffs. 
Boy do they STINK! We abandon the running
game at the first sign it might not work and try and pretend that Reggie Brown
really is a good number 1 pick. And
again we can't convert 3rd downs and keep getting pinned deep in our own end,
so that the Redskins keep getting the ball at midfield and, as usual for Andy Reid,
bad clock management means we end the game on the 1 yard line with no time left. Reid burned a time out when? Second play of the third
quarter, so we had nothing left with the ball on the one with 12 seconds left. Typical Reid. Talk about the same old story. When is the management going to wake up an smell the coffee...you can't win if you don't adapt and
Andy Reid refuses to adapt the West Coast offense. Talk about an out of date scheme; he'd have a
better chance with a wishbone offense.
Okay, enough sports…let me
bitch about something else.
Taking public transportation
sucks. I had a minor car wreck so I’ve
been taking the bus while I save up for repairs. NO,
I know what you’re thinking; it wasn’t me who ran Brad Wilson down. Yes, I was in the area at the time, and yes
there was blood and bone on my bumper, and yes Brad owes me $10 and I
threatened to run him over if he hadn’t paid me by December 1st…but
those are all easily dismissed coincidences.
Trust me. If I’d have run
him over, he’d be hurt a lot worse!
Anyway, so I’ve been riding
the bus, and I want to know two things.
First, why do all buses smell like urine when there is no bathroom on
the bus? And second, why does some smelly
weirdo always take the seat next to me?
I *know* that doesn’t just happen to me, because last week
I sat down next to this cute 20-something woman and I heard her ask the woman
opposite her the very same question.
Most of you know that I have
a dog at home, and a wife…but which is better?
Here’s an email somebody sent me that explains why a dog is better:
PS – To the one person who
wrote, no, I don’t always pee in the water fountain at work. I keep a pickle jar in my desk for
emergencies. See you next month!
Out of the WAY #3
by W. Andrew York
(wandrew88 of gmail.com)
===================================
We’re back for another month of, what Doug would
call, drivel. In any case, I hope y’all had an enjoyable and amazing holiday
and are looking forward to a great 2009. Time seems to fly so fast these days, I find it hard to believe that 2008 is over already.
To me it seems we should be going into July or August, not January of the next
year!
Below you’ll find the usual. In honor of a southern
tradition, there is a recipe for black eyed peas - traditionally eaten on New
Year’s Day to ensure good luck for the coming year. One change, to mimic Doug’s
monthly quote from Eternal Sunshine of the Endless Mind, I’m going to
use a quote from the Babylon 5 TV show. The recent issuance of a B5 quote book
is going to make this a whole lot easier - and with five seasons of episodes
and a couple of handfuls of movies and specials, I think I’ll be set for quite
some time. If you’d like your favorite B5 bit included, send them to me or if
one I include strikes a chord, feel free to comment.
Commentary
Earlier in the month, I had the
opportunity to travel to Dallas to see the King Tut exhibit at the Dallas Art
Museum. Doug and Heather joined me for the afternoon and treated me to dinner.
It had been nearly a decade since I’d last spent time with Doug and, of course,
I’d never met Heather. For Heather, it was the first time to meet part of
Doug’s gaming cabal, so I’m sure it was a bit worrisome to her. Overall, it was
an adventure all around.
After running some errands on
Saturday morning, I headed to Dallas up IH 35. Of course, minor delays were
caused by four construction sites, including all lanes being reduced to one
just west of Waxahachie (and why should everyone know that Dallas suburb? -
that’s where the SuperConducting SuperCollider
was being built in the late ‘80s and early ‘90s). I ended up getting into the
city a bit later than expected, so grabbed a quick lunch at Burger King (don’t
ask). Then, I checked into the hotel.
I was quite pleased with the
Hampton Inn. Very well appointed and friendly staff concerned with giving the
best possible service. When deciding where to make my reservations, this was
one of the hotels with an exhibit package (room, two VIP tickets to the
exhibit, etc). It turned out this was the way to go, the VIP tickets allowed
attendees to bypass the general admission line (with time controlled tickets)
to get immediate access and provided a discount on the audio tour (which we
skipped). Also, as a third ticket was needed, it was sold by the hotel for an
additional fee - at about 2/3 of the cost of a walk-up ticket at the museum. In
fact, upon check-in, the clerk handed me a prepared packet with the tickets and
all the information needed to get to the exhibit, find parking and other
information.
Once checked in, I called Doug’s
home number as we’d planned and I actually was checking in about the time I
expected to be. Mysteriously, no one answered. So, since Doug had provided his
cell phone, I tried that. Come to find out, he and Heather were already on the
road and would be there in short order. So, I put my luggage into the room and
worked a crossword puzzle for a brief time until they arrived.
After introductions and some
small talk, we jumped into my car to head downtown - with Doug navigating.
After making sure he knew that there were directions in the ticket packet, we
set off with Doug using his own sense of how to get to the museum. Overall, it
was a bit of a circuitous route, and after a check of the provided directions,
we arrived right at the valet parking (only $30, plus tip). In chatting with
the folks there, we found out that the garage was not full, so we drove over
there to park ($15, no tip).
Heading to the exhibit, we
followed sidewalk overlays. Apparently Heather had this idea some time ago;
but, hadn’t acted upon it (much to Doug’s chagrin). So, she didn’t get any
royalties. Along the way, there were a number of port-a-potties and obvious
signs that there had been long lines at times to see the artifacts.
Fortunately, we’d chosen a good day to come and there was no line outside.
Entering the reception area, the
ticket takers looked at our tickets and sent us around the cattle chutes. There
were probably two dozen folks waiting in the queue for the next entry time. We
quickly were directed into the exhibit entry room to join about 40 other
individuals in a space that probably could hold around 100 people in close
quarters. Once the entry doors were closed, a short introductory film was
played to set the scene, after which, the doors opened into the exhibit itself.
Hanging back, we allowed the
majority to move ahead. Again, it was fortunate that there weren’t large
crowds. Even with 40 people, there was a tendency to cluster around each
individual exhibit and, to get a good look, it took
some time for the group around it to thin and allow you to get closer. One big
plus, the exhibit placards were also marqueed around
the top of the displays in larger letters so you could read them prior to
moving up to view the artifacts.
As you moved through the overall
presentation, it first provided a background to the time period, setting the
stage for the events of Tut’s immediate predecessors.
Then, it delved into the turmoil of monotheism, a sudden move of the capital
and the new vision of Akhenaten. Lastly, Tut’s reign was presented, his efforts to reverse the
changes and, finally, his burial. Overall, an excellent presentation that was
educational and engaging. I could have hoped for more educational tidbits; but,
it is possible they were in the audio tour.
Once through the exhibit, and a
final wrap-up (pun intended) in the last room about the current state of
research into his mummified remains, we ended up in the hucksters alley. Though
a few things seemed interesting, the only item I picked up was a t-shirt for a
neighbor.
We exited without dropping too
much cash and wanted to find something to drink. I checked the museum cafe, but
it had just closed (literally, they pulled down the screen as I was walking
up). However, we did remember that there was mention of a VIP lounge in the
ticket literature. After asking for directions, we were able to go in, get an
ice-cold bottle of water and set for a few minutes while chatting.
An added bonus for the tickets,
they included entry to the rest of the museum. There was about a 1/2 hour left
before closing, so we did a quick run through of European section. Heather was
interested in purchasing a couple pieces, but Doug thought they’d be out of his
price range and wasn’t sure they’d fit into the available wall space in their
apartment.
On the way out, we did wander
through the regular museum gift shop. Again, a lot of the
“usual” along with folks selling extra items for Christmas gifts. There
was one game, skeleton related, that was a possible Heather purchase; but it
was passed over as was some replicas of very odd looking furniture that cost
hundreds of dollars and didn’t look very comfortable.
On the way back to the hotel,
Doug recommended a local steakhouse for dinner. After some more of his
“navigation”, we found it. We started with an order of deep fried mushrooms,
which we all enjoyed. After Heather and I had taken two of the last three
mushrooms, I told Doug we left the last one for him. He responded he never
takes the last one on a plate. Well, of course, about five minutes later, his
fork speared that mushroom and it was no more.
The meal was good and the
conversation enjoyable (even when it devolved into expelling gases.....). For
the record, I believe the blue cheese dressing was made in-house as it didn’t
have the sweetness of most commercial versions (based on a Heather question).
And, most of the leftovers were collected for the cats. Which, I must point out, I did not have the chance to meet on this trip. Maybe
next time (shudder....).
After dinner (thanks for picking
up the tab Doug!), back to the hotel and good-byes. Doug is, well, still Doug.
A bit more outspoken than I remember him and, Heather, is a very patient and
friendly sort. I certainly will look them up next time I head
that direction and hope that they’ll visit Austin at some point.
As for the rest of the trip, the
hotel was fairly quiet the rest of the night (one loud party came down the
hall; but that is something that can’t be helped). In the morning, they had a
hot breakfast that was OK, nothing special, but filling. Then checkout and
travel home - construction wasn’t a problem at all and I was at my apartment
well before noon. All-in-all, an enjoyable jaunt!
The
Month in History
January 1, 1959 - Fulgencio Batista abandons Cuba, leaving a power vacuum
which Fidel Castro fills taking leadership over the island.
January 15, 1559 - Elizabeth I
takes control of England, leading it for 44 years through continual strife with
France and Spain - including the
defeat of
the Armada.
Sources include: Current issue
of “Smithsonian”
Babylon
5 Quote
Sheridan in Rising Star: “I learned about choices,
consequences and responsibility. I learned that we all have choices, whether we
recognize them or not; that those choices have consequences, not just for
ourselves, but for others; and that we must assume responsibility for those
consequences.”
Source: But In Purple...I’m Stunning! by
J. Michael Straczynski, edited by Sara “Samm” Barnes, copyright 2008.
Poll
Question
Each month a question will be
posed to the readership. Your thoughts and commentary are solicited for the
next issue. Also, any response to
what folks have submitted
for the previous question are very welcome.
This issue’s question: “Did the ‘hi-tech’ presentations
(holograms, interactive computer graphics, etc) used
by the news media during the US election night results
enhance or detract from the actual story? If
you didn’t watch the US election returns, what are your
thoughts on the ‘hi-tech’ enhancements that
is starting to become part of every reporter’s story.”
[David Burgess] I turned on the coverage watched 5 minutes of
coverage. One of the big 3 stations called some western states (maybe Wyoming?)
for Obama with 5% of the votes counted. With just 5% of the vote! The polls
hadn’t even closed in my eastern state! I was appalled. I turned off the TV and
opened a book. Once again, disgusted by the political process and the media
coverage of it! [WAY] Personally, I’m a minimalist. I like the facts
presented as facts - there is no need for multi-colored displays, zoom in
presentations or recreations of events no one witnessed. And, the hologram from
Grant Park was just plain gimmick. As others have said, it only brought images
of Princess Leah to mind and, why would you take someone from a historic location
with the backdrop of the crowd waiting for Obama’s acceptance speech crowd into
the studio - if they didn’t want the historic setting, leave the reporter in
the studio. Tell the watching public the news, leave
the ‘hi-tech’ to Hollywood.
[David Burgess] (Commenting on ‘hi-tech’ in daily lives) Give me a rake
over a blower/vac, give me a shovel over a snow
blower, no riding lawnmower for me, you’ll never see me with a blackberry, fact
is I still don’t own a cell phone, my largest TV is 20”...diagonal, I didn’t
have cable until last year...forced by family! and the
list goes on...
If you can’t already guess...my answer is I can’t
stand the hi-tech enhancements...I’m just not a gadget guy! [WAY] As for
your other comments, I completely agree. I don’t have a cell phone or
blackberry, though I do carry a pager for work. I must say, I have had cable
since the ‘80s, but don’t subscribe to the extra packages, TiVo, etc. And, I’m
not looking forward to buying my next car. The last time, I had succumb to power steering. Next time, it’ll be power
windows/locks, On-Star (or the ilk) and such. All that extra gadgetry is just
something else to break and have to pay to repair.
For next issue: What are your expectations for the first
year of the Obama presidency?
Recipe
of the Month
Recipe Philosophy: Except for
baking, recipes are only suggestions. I rarely precisely measure, eyeballing
most everything. The listed
measurements, for the most
part, are estimates from the last time I made the recipe. Feel free to adjust
to meet your personal tastes –
and remember, it is easier
to add “more” of something than to compensate when “too much” has been added.
For ingredients, if you don’t
like raw onions, omit them or replace with celery to retain the crunchiness. If
you like food with more spice, add
an extra jalapeno or use habenaros instead. On the other hand, if you don’t like
spicy food, replace the jalapeno with half a bell
pepper. Optional items are
used when I’m looking for a variation or making it for individuals with
specific preferences.
Black-Eyed Peas
by W.
Andrew York
(last revised 11/28/08)
Ingredients:
@8-16oz Fresh Black-eyed Peas (I use a sandwich bag filled with beans,
weight an estimate)
@12-16oz Bacon (can be savory flavored)
1 Medium Yellow Onion, cut into quarters,
then sliced
2-3 Bell Peppers, Chopped
2-3 Garlic Cloves, Minced (can sub garlic
powder, to taste)
0-5 Jalapenos, Diced (quantity optional,
depending on how spicy you want it)
2+ cans Chicken Stock (can use
homemade stock)
Salt
Pepper
Tabasco or Hot Sauce (to serve with)
Note(1) - If Fresh Black-eyed Peas are unavailable, use
dried peas soaked overnight in water.
Note(2) - Ingredients are very flexible. For instance,
increase the garlic if you wish or leave it out entirely. I’ve made this with a pound of
regular bacon and a 12oz
package of garlic/pepper bacon.
Note(3) - Other vegetables can be included, such as celery,
carrots, green onions, etc. Add to step 2.
Steps:
1 - In a 2 qt pot, over medium
heat, rend bacon. When done to your preference, remove.
2 - In bacon fat, cook onions
and peppers with a couple dashes of salt (might not be necessary if the bacon
is especially salty). Remove when
softened and drain excess
fat, leaving just a covering in the pot.
3 - Cook jalapenos and minced
garlic. Cook until aromatic.
4 - Deglaze pot with chicken
stock, bring to a boil.
5 - Add peas and cook until
soft around 30-40 minutes (garlic powder added at this time). May need to add
additional stock, peas should be
covered throughout cooking.
6 - Return bacon and
vegetables to pot, heat thoroughly.
7 - Add salt and pepper to
taste.
8 - Serve with Tabasco or Hot
Sauce on the side.
===================================
Game
Section
Facts in Five
Rules: There will be five rounds, the high
score at the end of the fifth round will be the winner. Anyone may join anytime
with a starting score matching the lowest from the previous round. Anyone
missing a round will add the lowest score of that round.
Each round will consist of five categories and five
letters. Each player submits an entry
for each category which has a key word that starts with each of the letters
(twenty-five total entries). Key words are generally the first word; however articles
(the, a, etc) and modifiers (“red” in red bicycle for “R” in “mode of
transportation” or “general” in General Lee for “G” in “Military Leaders”) are
not key words. A word in the category may not be the key word (“bank” in “Bank
of America” for “B” in the category “Banks”). For names, the last name is the
key word except in the case of commonly used stage names (in a category of
female singers, ”Q” could be “Queen Latifa” and “Cher” for “C”). An entry may only be used once
per round.
One point will be scored for each entry that
unarguably meets the letter and category. An additional point will be added if
anyone else also uses the same valid entry for the same category. Maximum
possible score in a round is 50 with a lowest possible score of 25, presuming
an individual submits a valid entry for each category and letter in that round.
Round Two Results
Players - Bill Brown (BB),
David Burgess (DB), Doug Kent (DK), Jack McHugh (JMH), Jamie McQuinn (JMQ), Brendan Whyte (BW);
Kevin Wilson (KW)
Bolded - Scores 2 points for matching another entry; Crossed Out - scores 0 points; otherwise
scores 1 point.
REMINDER - Last names are generally the key word, not first
names.
O J R X C
Hand Tool
BB no
entry Jimmy Rasp no
entry Chisel
DB Orbital
Sander Jack Rasp Xylophone
Mallet Corkscrew
DK Offset
Snipper Joiner Ratchet X-Ray Chisel
JMH Oiler Jack Roller X-Acto Knife Chisel
KW no
entry Jigsaw Reamer no entry Chisel
Country with Ocean Coast
(Current)
BB Oman Japan Russia no entry China
DB Oman Japan Russia no entry China
DK Oman Japan Russia no entry China
JMH Oman Japan Russia no entry Canada
KW no
entry Japan Russia no entry Canada
Prime Minister
BB no
entry John Majors Robert Menzies no entry Winston
Churchill
DB Keizo Obuchi no entry Kevin Rudd Xanana Gusmao Winston Churchill
DK no
entry no entry Russell no entry Winston
Churchill
JMH Oliver
Cromwell Alian
Juppe Richelieu no entry Thomas Cronwell
KW Ehud
Olmert Wen Jiabao Kevin Rudd no
entry Brian
Cowen
Comic Strip Character
BB Orphan
Annie Junkhead Robin X-Men Charlie
Brown
DB Obelix Jane
Arden Roy of the Rovers X-Men Charlie
Brown
DK Opus Jamaal Rose Xerus Calvin
JMH Olive
Oil Jeff Riddler X-Men Charlie
Brown
KW Opus Jommeke Rose (is Rose) no entry Calvin
Language
BB no
entry Japanese Russian Xhosa Chinese
DB Occitan Japanese Russian Xhosa Chinese
DK Omanese Japanese Russian Xiang Chinese
JMH Oopma-Loopa Japanese Russian Xhosa Castilian
KW Oriya Japanese Russian Xhosa Chinese
Scores by Category 1st 2nd 3rd 4th 5th Previous Now Total
BB 5 8 2 4 8 22 + 27 = 49
DB 7 8 5 4 9 22 + 33 = 55
DK 5 8 3 7 7 35 + 30 = 65
JMH 7 8 3 5 8 28 + 31 = 59
JMQ no
entries received 31 + 27 = 58
BW no
entries received 22 + 27 = 49
KW 4 6 5 7 9 22 + 31 = 53
Round Three
Letters: S M A P F
Categories: Foreign
University; Famous Modern Structure (built post 1950); Professional Magazine;
Science Fiction
Author; Chemical Element
Possible future game openings
- Railway Rivals, Empire Builder, Liftoff!
Suggestions accepted for other
games to offer.
===================================
Deadline For The Next Issue
of Out of the WAY:
January 24th, 2009 at 7:00am – See You Then!
Game entries, letters of
comment and other material can be sent to:
wandrew88 at gmail.com; or
by post to: W. Andrew York; POB 201117; Austin TX 78720-1117
Diplomacy (Black Press): Signed up: Philip
Murphy, Ian Pringle, need five more to fill.
Get in on the fun now!
Deviant Diplomacy II (Black Press): Signed up: Jonathan
Nichol, need six more to fill. Rules in ES #23, or by request. A classic variant which can
become as insane as a Charles Manson interview.
1898 (Black Press): Signed up: None, needs seven to start.
A simple 7-player variant that Jim Burgess hates. Rules can be found below. If you’d like to read an article on the
variant, you can do so from an old issue of the Diplomatic Pouch here: http://www.diplom.org/Zine/S2000M/McCullough/1898.html
Diplomacy Bourse (Black Press): Buy and sell the
currencies of the Diplomacy nations.
This Bourse is using the new game “Dulcinea”
as its basis. Players may join at any time,
and are then given 1000 units of every currency still in circulation. The rules to Bourse can be found below, and I
have changed them to make them easier.
By Popular Demand: Game currently underway,
join any time.
Standby List:
HELP! I need standby players!
I may offer another Gunboat 7x7 soon, so
keep your eyes open. I’m also thinking
about a game of Final Conflict, and Colonia VII-B remains a favorite. If somebody wants to guest-GM a game of
anything, just say the word. If you have
game requests please let me know.
1898 (rs52)
by Randy Davis
In the 1898 variant the game starts in
winter of 1898 with each power having one unit. Each country must capture
its other home centers before it can build in them (the normal home centers are
the only ones anyone may build in). The
victory conditions remain 18 centers. The initial setup is:
Austria - Army Trieste
England - Fleet Edinburgh
France - Army Brest
Germany - Army Kiel
Italy - Army Naples
Russia - Army St. Petersburg
Turkey - Army Smyrna
Diplomacy
“Wouldn’t It Be Nice?” 2008A, Summer/Fall 1904
Austria (Kevin
Wilson
- ckevinw1 “of” cox.net and ckevinw “of” yahoo.com): Retreat A
Budapest – Trieste.. F Aegean Sea Supports F Tyrrhenian Sea - Ionian Sea,
A
Bulgaria - Rumania (*Dislodged*, retreat to Greece or OTB), A Galicia –
Warsaw,
A
Serbia Supports A Bulgaria - Rumania (*Cut*), A Trieste Supports A Serbia,
F Tyrrhenian Sea - Ionian Sea.
England (Jérémie LeFrançois - jeremie.lefrancois
“of”gmail.com):
F Baltic Sea Convoys A Denmark – Livonia, F
Barents Sea Supports F Norway - St Petersburg(nc), A
Denmark – Livonia,
F
North Sea - Norway (*Bounce*), F Norway - St Petersburg(nc), A Sweden - Norway (*Bounce*).
France (Alexander
Levinson - al “of” tolkin.nl): A Burgundy Supports A Marseilles, A
Gascony – Spain,
A
Marseilles Supports A Gascony – Spain, A Paris - Brest (*Fails*), F
Tunis Hold.
Germany (Graham
Wilson – grahamaw “of” rogers.com): A Holland - Kiel
(*Fails*), A Munich - Kiel.
Italy (Don Williams
– dwilliam “of” fontana.org): Retreat A Burgundy
– Picardy.. F Gulf
of Lyon Hold,
F
Mid-Atlantic Ocean Supports A Picardy – Brest, F
Naples – Rome, A Picardy – Brest, A Piedmont – Venice,
F Spain(sc) - Portugal.
Russia (Melinda
Holley – genea5613 “of” aol.com): A Berlin
Supports A Munich – Kiel,
A
Budapest - Serbia (*Fails*), F Gulf of Bothnia - St Petersburg(sc)
(*Fails*),
A
Rumania Supports A Budapest - Serbia (*Cut*), A Sevastopol Supports A
Rumania,
F
Skagerrak - North Sea (*Fails*).
Turkey (Brad Wilson
- bwdolphin146 “of”yahoo.com): F Black
Sea - Bulgaria(ec),
A
Constantinople Supports F Black Sea - Bulgaria(ec), A Smyrna Supports A Constantinople.
Autumn/Winter 1904 and Spring 1905 Deadline
is January 27th 2009 at 7:00am my time
(Dislodged Unit in Bulgaria Is
Not Shown on the Map)
Supply
Center Chart:
Austria:
Greece, Serbia, Trieste,
Vienna, Warsaw = 5, Remove 1 or Even
England:
Denmark, Edinburgh,
Liverpool, London, Norway, St Petersburg, Sweden = 7, Build 1
France: Belgium,
Paris, Marseilles, Spain, Tunis = 5, Even
Germany:
Holland, Kiel = 2, Even
Italy:
Munich, Naples, Brest,
Portugal, Rome, Venice = 6, Even
Russia:
Berlin, Budapest, Moscow,
Rumania, Sevastopol = 5, Remove 1
Turkey:
Ankara, Bulgaria,
Constantinople, Smyrna = 4, Build 1
PRESS
GREEN KING to
SUCKMASTERS:
What’s with all the sucking stuff? Heck, last time I heard this much
noise about sucking the Cowboys had just pissed away
another season. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that in my book …
Go Vikings! Go Steelers!)
SAUGUS to BALL TALK: Agreed, the
Phillies won the Series because Ghod finally took
some pity on the poor wretches, not because of being a great team. That
said, they knocked off the Rays, something NY and Boston couldn’t do all
freaking season. Let ‘em have
their 15 minutes of fame … it’ll be a long time before they see that trophy
again.
DON to KEVIN: We
definitely should have talked more … instead, I let
conditionals do the talking for me. If you don’t know what this is referring
to, that’s a good thing. If you do know what this cryptic bit of chat is
about, well then shame on you! (Hint: Whither retreated A BUD … VIE
or VEN? Old veterans are a suspicious lot.)
CA to EUROPE: The trip to
Spain and Portugal was spectacular, even if I did NMR because of it.
(Would’ve sworn the separation of seasons had me covered.) We left
California and arrived in Newark, where we had an overnight layover. That
enabled us to train into NY for about six hours the following day. We
used it to walk around NY a bit and visit Central Park where we got the
obligatory hot dogs from a vendor cart. Left Newark that night and landed
in Lisbon the next morning. Stayed just NW of Lisbon proper in where “the
Moorish castle” and the Portuguese royal family’s castle are both located … we
enjoyed climbing around both. After a few days there, we drove from
Lisbon to Madrid (about a seven hour drive with comfort stops) and I got my first
real taste of the ubiquitous European roundabouts. Take some getting used
to, but quite efficient in most non-urban situations. Madrid was alive
and crowded, but with Spaniards, not tourists. (We travelled the last two
weeks of November, and I’d recommend that timing to anyone; the weather was
generally on the cold side, but nothing too bad, and we got drizzle only the
first and last days we were there. In trade, we had practically no other
tourists to share the place with …. except for the
Japanese tour group watching the flamenco show with us in Sevilla.)
We loved Madrid but had to leave after only a few days to move on to the rest
of our trip which included Toledo, Granada, Estepona
(the best little town you never heard of, with great seaside dining and a
wondrous view of the Rock of Gibralter just down the
coast to the SW), Estramoz, an enjoyable and
breathtaking drive through the Andalusian hills (and
all those bright white towns!), Gibralter (yes, we
crossed over onto the British side for a few hours … ask me what they’re
getting for a condo there sometime), San Roque, and
then Sevilla (my favorite place on the trip, followed
closely by Madrid) before heading back to Lisbon. We covered about 1500
miles in 12 days, and that was only pushing it once, on the way from Lisbon to
Madrid). My overall observations are that the Iberian peninsula
is being well-served by joining the EU. Lots of major construction, even
in the down economy – things were just beginning to slow down when we were
there; the construction money is primarily from the UK, and the Brits are
definitely interested and entrenched in the Spanish economy especially.
My city planner proclivities were definitely roused; I loved the high density
housing projects – like it or not, it’s something the US will have to embrace
sooner or later, especially in the high growth areas of California and
Florida. We can’t sustain the use of energy and water without eventually
going to higher densities like the Europeans have. My girlfriend Stacey decided
quickly that “Portugal” as a word might be the name of a country, but almost
must translate from one of the Romance languages as “big farm”. She may
be right – very few large cities in Portugal, but lots and lots of agriculture
going on everywhere. We enjoyed Lisbon and Portugal, but will go back to
see more of Spain two or three times before we head back to Portugal
again. Next European venue … we’re thinking Paris in 2010!
WILLIAMS to HEART OF
DARKNESS:
Great poem. When do we take the mid-term?
Heart of Darkness: "YEEEOOOWWW!"
Everyone in the Heart of Darkness Saloon jumped
at least a foot in the air.
"Christ! Last time I heard a yell like that the Commanches
were takin' scalps!" One old man wiped his face
with a shaking hand.
Miss Kitty ran out of her bedroom, her magnificent hair obscuring her equally
magnificent breasts...or would have if she wasn't leaning over the
balcony. She scanned the silent room below, slowly turning her head from
side to side.
"I sense someone...a presence I've not felt since..."
With a decisive sniff, Miss Kitty whirled on her
feet (a most dextrous feat considering her
top-heaviness) and ran back to her bedroom, slamming the door behind her.
The Duckster shook his head and settled his Stetson a
little more firmly on his head. Reaching for the bottle in front of him,
he muttered, "Damn time of the month."
WILLIAMS to BLACK
PRESSER:
You know, it really doesn’t work to write press for me
when I can’t even get moves in on time. Nice try. Would appreciate if you’d stop writing the black press from me and
just send in back-up orders for the Italian position.
Somewhere
West of the Hobby…Pages of Dust –
Wouldn’t it be Nice, even perfect, just right
If the other players met their
demise in the night.
It meant winning the dots, and taking the
game
Which after all, were one and the same.
It wouldn’t take much, just do what needed
doing,
To be faster on the draw, to kill
who needed killing.
You had to be crafty, cunning and shrewd,
To come out on top, and be the last
dude.
So we must think about it, complete an
inventory
Catalog who’s who in this rambling western
story.
Line up the players, and size up the
competition
No one was gonna
be dying of their own volition.
The Duke was worth killing, the Wilsons now
knew,
With each passing chapter, their loathing
quite grew.
It could be his boots, no spurs but still *ching*
Or the measured his step, no bravado or
swing
He’d come into Darkness, for reasons
unclear,
But Wilsons, dead in his wake did appear.
Men steered clear of his cold, killer eyes
The women, they fawned and spread warm,
silken thighs.
He was a cold- blooded killer, with murder
at heart,
His draw was so fast, it was done before
start.
A long line of deaths stood behind this one
shootist,
Some master gunfighters, others
apprenticed.
The plume of his hat, ill-famed, of a drake
Preceded his introduction, no need
of to make.
He’d come from the East, back in the Hobby
A long walk, through heat, no drink
in the lobby.
He’d come hunting something, though they
were not sure what.
Every other gun, it seemed, gunned for a
dot.
The gold was long gone, petered out and
away,
There was little, none at all, reason to
stay.
The banker was in on it. First Trust, and
then stab,
His Chacol Noire
was more than a black lab.
He had visions of sugarplums dance in his
head,
And wiley,
well-wishes to those soon to be dead.
He was a good counter, this Banker per se
Of coins and muffins and minutes
each day.
Yes, he could count: many bullets or beans,
But, he knew he only had to count in
eighteens.
He had a dream and a goal, and a heart with
a hole,
And the only good he could do was no good at’all.
He wanted to build a Wonderful Mansion
His only reason to be in this
tattered, frayed scansion.
In ploys he’d strived and plots he had
strewn
In hope for others, their end would come
soon…
He was a good counter, this Banker
per se
And waited to count bodies, dead where they
lay.
The game was afoot! Not an inch or a mile,
Not the right measure, he thought with a
smile,
For a game of lies that makes confidence
rot
Was scored by the tally of the
little black dot.
The Madame, Miss Kitty, was there from the
start.
If Darkness had love, it was found at “the
Heart”.
With her bosom, so pendulous, so buxom and
busty
In her embrace you would find her so tried,
true and trusty.
But, if that’s what you thought, and we
know that you would
Your fate would turn out not so great, not
so good.
You’ve made a mistake,
you’d be wrong, then dead
A supernumerary hole perforating
your head.
Miss Kitty will charm you, she will flirt,
she will coo
She will do things that no other woman
would do.
From embrace to unlace, and kisses to bed,
Separated from your pants, your gun
and your head.
If you have maps to goldmines, or deeds to
the mill
Combinations to safes, or ladings of bill
Anything of value, in currency or
trade
A horse or a dollar; a gold nugget assayed.
These, you would find, when you could find
your way,
Had all gone away, by the end of the day.
Miss Kitty would thank you, a warm sultry
goodbye
A lingering wet kiss, a hand on your
thigh.
She’d say you’re the greatest, the tip of
the top
Of all the men she’s had, you’re the cream
of the crop.
It’s an opinion you’d respect, she’s an
authority, afterall
Of all the umpteen times men she’s had in
her fall.
She’d bid you adieu, come again, and
goodbye
And ask you to come back, when you weren’t
broke and bone dry.
You’d leave with your saddle, your boots
and your pride.
Consoling yourself
that here others had died.
The Professor was baffling, a little odd
and off-kilter
Accompanied by a dwarf, an elephant
and a part-time weight-lifter.
His wagon was quite big, as big as a barge,
And hard to move fast, when he was
wanted at-large.
It whooped and it whistled, as it came into
town
Darkness was split like a cheap evening
gown.
The crowd he drew near, with his speech so
gregarious
Unwittingly unaware of his plots so
nefarious.
The show was a hoot, a holler, a ballyhoo
Selling elixirs of mystery, and dubious
brew
They purported to be medicine, snake oil;
wonder cures
When actually they were little more
than paint and base lures.
The claims for the medicine were
practically criminal
It cured warts, short hair, with effects
hardly liminal.
Short men grew taller, it cured kids’ zits
Put a skip in your step, and enlarged small
tits.
But the Professor wasn’t there just to sell
medicine,
His true motive was quite darkly, blackly
clandestine.
He was there for dots too, it could only be
true
That was the single and only thing he was
here for to do.
The Wilsons were an unwholesome lot,
Especially when they gathered, all
in one spot.
They never agreed, and couldn’t concede,
Which one was better at which and what deed.
Who could shoot better, who could shoot best,
They never, if ever, gave it a rest.
“I can spit further, into the wind,
Standing on my left foot and giving a
spin.”
“I can ride and rope, and brand the herd
three
times better’n you, you stinking turd.”
“I AIN’T HEARD NUTHIN,” Tin Ear would
shout,
and
then they all would all have it out.
Tried and True was anything but,
he
harbored ill-will and sought after smut.
His heart was as black as a chimney in
soot,
As he plotted and strove to attain
all evils’ root.
He wore the truth like an ill-fitting suit.
but,
oh my good gracious, how he could shoot.
The heads off a pin were nothing to him,
To lever and cock and fire to remove
them.
Behind “the Heart”, in the bright light of
day
He’d shot the balls off a fly in a stunning
display.
Go up against him you’d be best to be sly,
Those in a face-off were damned doomed to
die.
Wandering Eye was more trouble than most,
precisely
double, if he were to boast.
His vision, imperiled, as some were to
doubt
He saw as an aid, an asset of clout.
With vision so ample, so full and abundant
he
didn’t see the harm of it being redundant.
He could see both sides of an argument, his
vision so good.
He could see you and raise you, and often
would.
With one eye, he looked on the bright side
of things,
while
the other was ‘ware of what the dark brings.
And in the matter of twins, he’d met quite
a few
Something that others got rarely to
do.
He could look before he leaped AND look out
below,
He could watch for falling rocks AND
avalanching snow.
He could watch while he wandered, or wonder
while he watched
of
all the things he’d seen with his vision not botched.
He did a good job on the Whining Pig
spread,
directing
the hands in the chores they did dread.
“Rope this! Brand that!” It was a ship he ran tight.
Much of it due, he felt, to his capable
over-sight.
If things bore scrutiny; why he could bear
twice as much,
And heavy scrutiny you know,
is not light to the touch.
He seemed wise and sagacious, as his
predictions came true
because
his foresight was eightsight when multiplied by two.
He’d be hard to sneak up on, for a thief in
the night,
With all this great vision and
abundance of sight.
But if comes down to it, and you’re faced
with a fight,
Why, I’d come in from the left, and not
from the right.
Deadeye was the worst of this ill-mannered breed.
Mean to his mother, and even his steed.
He never, if ever, did a good deed,
Or thought a good thought, or swore to a
creed.
Deadeye was mean, ill-natured and loud
His temper was fast, his pride was too
proud.
He was quick to the temper and quick to the
draw
And all the other Wilsons held him in awe.
He was mean on Sunday, and mean through the
week,
He was rude to the elderly, and drank on
the sneak.
He took candy from babies, and spit in the
street
Sometimes kicking dogs, and at cards he did
cheat.
No need to ask why, don’t ask the reason.
He was pretty much mean, regardless the
season.
Some thought he’d been left in the desert
while young,
Others thought his boots were too small,
tight and unstrung
No matter the reason, the sun or the boots,
He was all told the meanest of galoots.
He was a handful of Wilson, all on his own,
But Wilsons, they rode hardly, if ever,
alone.
Now all met, this
cast of villains.
These schemers and dreamers and plotters of
killins’
In Darkness they meet, they gimbal and dance,
They sharpen their knives awaiting their
chance.
These stories are written on pages of dust,
Written in blood and mild-mannered
lust.
Stories of Darkness, lost souls, and gone
gold
Somewhere West of
the Hobby these tales unfold.
ITALY to FRANCE: Nice
turn. Wish I’d been there. You are putting up a better fight than
England said you would. Want to call it quits and move on to some other
war?
ITALY to RUSSIA: You again?
Attacking England and Germany and Austria … and you wonder why we call you aggressive? Why not take a crack at the Sultan and
fill up your dance card already.
IL DUCKY to CAPTAIN
FLAPJACK:
Heard you’ve got a bad wheel. Hope it heals quickly and completely …
we’re not spring chickens anymore.
Gamestart: Diplomacy “Dulcinea” 2008C, Winter 1900
Game Delayed Due To
NMR!
Austria (Stephen
Agar – stephen “of” stephenagar.com): Has F Trieste, A
Vienna, A Budapest.
England (Simon Gwilliam - simon.gwilliam “of” baesystems.com):
Has
A Liverpool, F London,
F Edinburgh. No
Moves Received!
France (Brad Wilson
– bwdolphin146 ”of” yahoo.com): Has F Brest, A
Paris, A Marseilles.
Germany (Lee Self – leeself “of” gmail.com): Has F Kiel, A Munich, A Berlin.
Italy (Melinda
Holley – genea5613 “of” aol.com): Has A Rome, A
Venice, F Naples.
Russia (Jack McHugh –
jwmchughjr “of” gmail.com): Has F Sevastopol, F
St. Petersburg (sc), A Moscow,
A Warsaw.
Turkey (Jim Burgess –
jfburgess “of” gmail.com): Has F Ankara, A
Constantinople, A Smyrna.
I did not receive orders from England, and
my phone number for him is a work number.
I believe that this NMR was simply due to the holidays (and not sending
in preliminary orders, tsk tsk)
but I have to operate under the assumption that Simon may not return. So, I have asked Philip Murphy – (trekkypj “of”
gmail.com) to standby for England.
In the meantime, I am accepting no order changes for 3 days (you may
still submit them, but I will
not use them). If Simon should happen to
get orders to me by January 3rd at 7am my time I will adjudicate
immediately and send the results to all the players (along with any press
already submitted), so that the game is not delayed more than necessary. If I still have no orders from Simon by then,
the deadline below will be the new official Spring
1901 deadline, and I will at that point allow new orders or press. Simon may still choose to remain as England even
if he misses the January 3rd deadline; only if he fails to submit
orders by the January 27th deadline will Philip become the player of
record. In either case you MAY make your
orders conditional on who plays England.
All moves and press already on file will be used for the January 27th
deadline unless you submit revisions.
Temporary Deadline For Potential Immediate Adjudication is January 3rd
2009 at 7:00am my time, otherwise:
New Spring 1901 Deadline is January 27th
2009 at 7:00am my time
“Dulcinea” Diplomacy Bourse
Because of the NMR in Dulcinea, I have delayed the Bourse one turn. I also wanted to delay it because of the
revision in the rules, as noted below.
If Dulcinea is adjudicated by January 3rd,
I will use the Bourse orders on file immediately for the Spring
1901 turn, and the deadline below will be for the Fall 1901 turn instead. Otherwise, you may submit changes or new
orders (and of course new players may join at any time). Be sure to check out the rule revisions!
New Spring 1901 Bourse Deadline is January
26th 2009 at 7:00pm my time
PS – We
already have enough players to guarantee the Bourse will start.
Diplomacy Bourse Rules (Revised from ES #23)
The game of Bourse
is a game played alongside, but separate to, a Diplomacy game. The rules were
first devised by Don Miller.
1. Any number of
players may participate. Each player starts with 1000 units of currency of each
country - Austrian Crowns, English Pounds, French Francs, German Marks, Italian
Lira, Russian Rubles, and Turkish Piastres. At the
start of the game all currencies are equal in value and worth $1.
2. Orders are in two
parts, buying and selling. Players may never sell more than 500 units of any
one currency at any one time, but may buy up to as much as they can afford. Any
surplus after purchases may be retained as a Dollar balance against future
purposes. There is no limit to the number of dollars that may be withdrawn from
this balance, but it may never go into deficit.
3. Each time 100
units of a currency is sold (or bought) it's value in relation to the Dollar
drops (or rises) by 1¢; currencies are computed to 1/100th of a
cent, so a purchase or sale of 1 unit moves the value by 1/100th of
a cent. A currency value is only adjusted once against the dollar, by the
aggregate amount bought or sold - thus if on turn one two people bought 300 and
315 marks respectively and another player sold 500 marks the adjustment would
be +1.15¢ (300+315-500 = +115 more bought than sold). So the mark would rise
from $1.00 to $1.015. Your purchases and sales for each turn take place at the previously
published prices, with the price changes taking place after the turn is
over. In other words, in the above example, the purchases and sales would take
place at $1.00, not $1.015. This
is a change from the rules I published last issue – too many of you found the
other way complicated and unworkable.
4. When a country is eliminated in Winter season, trading in the currency ceases and its value
reduced to zero. Otherwise the value may never fall below 0.01¢. There is no
upper limit.
5. Players may play
Bourse under a pseudonym, or they may use their real name. A player may join the Bourse at
any time and is given a holding of 1000 units of every currency still in
circulation.
6. Orders cannot be
conditional. If orders are incorrect or illegal they will be adjusted down.
Players are asked to include details of their calculations with their orders.
7. The game ends
when the associated Diplomacy game ends. The winner is determined by the number
of supply centers held by each country times the amount of currency held.
8. In addition: (a) Those
playing in the associated Diplomacy game may play in the Bourse and
(b) No Dollar surplus may be created in Spring 1901; you must spend whatever funds you raise by selling during that turn
only.
By
Popular Demand
Credit goes to Ryk
Downes, I believe, for inventing this. The
goal is to pick something that fits the category and will be the "most
popular" answer. You score points based on the number of entries that
match yours. For example, if the category is "Cats" and the responses
were 7 for Persian, 3 for Calico and 1 for Siamese, everyone who said Persian
would get 7 points, Calico 3 and the lone Siamese would score 1 point. The
cumulative total over 10 rounds will determine the overall winner. Anyone may
enter at any point, starting with an equivalent point total of the lowest
cumulative score from the previous round. If a person misses a round, they'll
receive the minimum score from the round added to their cumulative total. In
each round you may specify one of your answers as your Joker answer. Your
score for this answer will be doubled.
In other words, if you apply your Joker to category 3 on a given turn,
and 4 other people give the same answer as you, you get 10 points instead of
5. Players who fail to submit a Joker
for any specific turn will have their Joker automatically applied to the first
category. And, if you want to submit some commentary with your answers, feel
free to. The game will consist of 10
rounds. A prize will be awarded to the
winner.
Round 1 Categories
I hope
everybody enjoyed December, and whatever holidays you celebrate (if any). For the holidays Heather gave me a nice stack
of DVDs, many of which are meant to replace the old VHS versions of favorite
movies I’ve had for years. I also got
some books and clothes, and cologne to help cover up my terrible body odor (if
you’ve ever killed a neighbor who took up two parking spaces with his pick-up
truck, and then cut his body into pieces and left it in your trunk for two
weeks in the summer because you forgot to dispose of it, you know what I’m
talking about). In general any holiday
in our house is an exchange of books and DVDs, with other gifts being
secondary. I did also buy Heather a
pretty little white-gold Eiffel Tower charm during one of the “99.99999% off”
sales at a jewelry store. She loves it,
but she if terrified of wearing jewelry which costs
more than $20 because of how frequently she loses things, and how clumsy she
can be. All in all, it was a good
holiday…even the three hours spent with my mother-in-law was tolerable. Poor Sanka hid
under the bed the whole time she was over, which only proves how smart some
cats can be.
In
mid-December, Heather and I were fortunate enough to go see the King Tut
exhibit which is currently on display at the Dallas Museum of Art while it
makes its cross-country tour. I’d seen
the original exhibit in New York City years ago, but Heather never had. This occasion was even more memorable because
fellow Diplomat and Eternal Sunshine contributor Andy York drove up from Austin
and attended the exhibit with us. This
makes Andy the only Diplomacy hobby member to have met both of my wives and
live to tell about it! I think that him being an extraordinarily nice guy helped him survive the
experience. Actually, Heather was a bit
nervous about meeting him – as she is with all new people – but I was able to
be honest and reassure her that Andy is completely the opposite of me in terms
of temperament: he’s so laid back, if he was laid back any further he’d fall
off the edge of the Earth. That was the
way I remembered him anyway, and for a change my memory was on target. I have to admit that my memory of the rest of
the details is a bit fuzzy, but here’s what I recall about the day…
