September
2009
By Douglas Kent, 11111 Woodmeadow Pkwy #2327, Dallas, TX 75228
Email: doug of
whiningkentpigs.com or diplomacyworld
of yahoo.com
On the web at http://www.whiningkentpigs.com
– or go directly to the Diplomacy section at http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/. Also be sure to visit the official Diplomacy
World website which can be found at http://www.diplomacyworld.net. Also remember to check out http://www.helpfulkitty.com
for official Toby the Helpful Kitty news, advice column, blog, and links to
all his available merchandise! Links to many of the books and DVDs reviewed can be found by
clicking on the Amazon Store button in the main menu of the Whining Kent Pigs
website. Or go to http://www.guysexplained.com
where women can learn all the secrets of how a man’s mind works, and why they
act the way they do.
All Eternal Sunshine readers are encouraged to join the free
Eternal Sunshine Yahoo group at http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/eternal_sunshine_diplomacy/
to stay up-to-date on any subzine news or errata. We also have our own Eternal Sunshine Twitter
feed at http://www.twitter.com/EternalSunshDip
Quote Of The Month – “Are we like couples you see in restaurants? Are we the dining dead?” (Joel in “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”)
Quick
HTML Links:
Front Page
Halfway Home at the Halfway House Part Eight
I’m No Edward Norton Part Two
Football Prediction Contest
Hypothetical of the Month
The Dining Dead – The Eternal Sunshine Movie
Review Section
Meet Me in Montauk – The Eternal Sunshine Letter
Column
Brain Farts #10 by Jack McHugh
An Alternative to the Standard Endgame Report
by Paul Milewski
Out of the WAY #11 by W. Andrew York
Game Openings
Game Starts
Game Results
Welcome to Eternal Sunshine, the only Diplomacy zine currently
published by a convicted felon (I think…you never can tell about those
things). So, another month come and
gone, and we’re ready for September. Too
bad there isn’t much difference down here in Texas. I really need to get Heather up to New
England for a true New England Fall. The
colors, and breezes, the whole thing…I miss it terribly, even though for me it
was also somewhat depressing at the same time. We won’t make it this year, but I plan on
next year (I hope). I’m still trying to
figure out if we can go up to Staten Island to visit family for
Thanksgiving. Again, if not this year,
next I hope. September 1st I
come off my Supervised Release status, which means I am a free man again, and
can travel wherever without prior permission.
I’ve never been turned down for permission though…because we only asked
once, when we took out honeymoon, and that was still here in Texas
(Jefferson). Actually we want to go back
there for Halloween, but I don’t know if work or Heather’s school schedule will
permit it.
Heather finished up a few classes this summer, getting all A’s of
course. You’d think she was near failure
they way she kills herself before every test, but that’s just the way Heather
is. She likes to over-prepare, and I can
relate to that. Then again, in High
School, I didn’t prepare at all. I just
went (sometimes). I get a lot more
nostalgic about those days since I started reconnecting with High School
friends on Facebook.
Of course I spend too much time obsessing on the past as it is. Fortunately my writing does help. I’m getting all my prison stories organized
now, put in the best order I can assemble.
Then I’m going to start some rewriting: correcting, sharpening, and
trying to insert more of my sarcastic and dark humor into the stories, so it’s
more like I am telling it to someone face-to-face. If that all goes well, I hope to approach a
publisher with it sometime in 2010. I
don’t have a literary agent, and I’m not sure yet if I really need one. But if this project gets any kind of positive
feedback, I’ll move on to the next one: the story of my relationship and
marriage to Mara. And then the planned
project after that is the childhood book.
I’ve got some other minor things I’d like to do too, especially find and
polish a short story I wrote for Heather from prison which she really
enjoyed. Time, motivation, and energy
are always the big problems. And focus;
I do a lot of office work at home, and with such a small apartment there isn’t
much time when you can block out everything around you. Besides, I don’t get to spend enough time
with Heather. But as her classes start,
there will be opportunities to write more when I can. Doing Eternal Sunshine does sort of force me
into producing something. I didn’t think
I’d have a new chapter in the Halfway House serial this month, but once I’d
done a few paragraphs I was able to push myself in a few sessions and get it
done.
Thanks to all of you who recognized Heather’s birthday. As usual, I spoiled her, giving her a bunch
of books and DVDs she wanted (some of which we are not watching together…we
just finished the first season of Doc Martin).
One gift which I know she loved besides those were
her cat shoes. There was only one pair
available, and they 
were in
her size, so obviously she was meant to have them. Plus the money I spent went to help the Blind
Cat Rescue organization.
In zine news, we have gamestarts in both
Diplomacy and Gunboat, and we continue to see some progress in the Fog of War
and the “Cronin Special” Diplomacy openings.
I’ve replaced both filled games with fresh opening listings, so if you
missed these and want to sign up for the next one, please let me know.
One game which I’ve considered adding was run by Joakim Spångberg in his much-missed publication Corps Diplomatique, entitled “Top Ten.” The premise of the game was that he’d give
the players a topic (animals, sports).
Each player would then send in 3 real songs, but which had their
respective title changed to fit the topic.
(You’ll see what I mean below).
The following turn you’d vote on the answers you liked best (10 points
for your favorite down to 1 for your 10th favorite), and submit
songs for the new category. It took a
bit of thought, but it was a lot of fun.
If you think you’d be interested in giving it a go, please email me, and
if we get at least 5 or 6 readers willing to try, I’ll start a game next
issue. I’m including a portion of one of
his game results pages below, so you can get a better idea of how it
worked. Just please get in touch if
you’re interested.
That’s about it
for this issue. Not a lot to say, and
not a lot of time to say it in anyway.
See you next month!
Playlist
– Sountrack – The Shipping News; Who’s Next – The
Who; Complete Hits Collection – Billy Joel; Le Roi de
Lahore – Massenet; Let’s Get Small – Steve Martin.
Halfway
Home at the Halfway House – Part Eight
At
first, work had its own difficulties. To
begin with, there was the matter of being accessible by phone. After breakfast and collecting my bag lunch,
I’d leave the halfway house on the 7am van, which would take us to the light
rail station (arriving around 7:20).
From there I’d take the rail to Union station and catch a bus, which I
could get off right across the street from work. Timing, however, was the issue. There was no way to arrive at close to my 9am
start time. So I’d arrive closer to
8:30, which absolutely nothing to do. I
usually had a paperback which I would try to read, but I would find myself
harassed by beggars every few minutes as I stood by the store. If I was lucky, they’d just ask for money and
I would say no. If I was unlucky, they’d
engage me in conversation. “Do you work
here? What’s in the bag? What do they pay? Can I get part of your lunch?” I couldn’t be overly rude, because these same
people would walk by morning after morning.
I didn’t have a key to the store at this point, so I’d be stuck standing
there until my boss arrived.
His
schedule was not a very dependable one, which caused me quite a bit of grief. Because I had to be accountable for my
whereabouts at all times, it was my job to call the Halfway House when I
arrived at work. But, since my boss
often wasn’t there on time, I was unable to do that. Instead I’d wait until about 9:15 and then
call using the payphone on the corner, explaining that I was at work but that I
could not yet get in. The staff would
tell me to call again when I was actually inside the store. Then I’d go back to waiting. Sometimes he’d show up about that time, right
after I’d wasted 50 cents on the call.
But often he’d pull up at 9:30 or later.
Once he had someone else drive down to let me in after 10am. On days like that I’d have to call the
Halfway House from the payphone a second time, letting them know I was still
stuck. Generally the response was that I
could wait until 10am but then I’d simply have to forget work and come
back. “We can’t have you wandering
around Dallas.” Of course, most of my
fellow clients were doing just that, all day long, with their fake jobs and
with the cars they were driving without authorization. But me? I was a problem, since I had a REAL job and
had to wait for my boss to let me in.
The
Halfway House was supposed to call your workplace about once a week to “spot
check” and make sure you were where you were supposed to be. As usual, I got dealt the heavier hand; they
called an average of four times a week, and a few times they would call more
than once a day. I got the feeling that
the reason I was singled out – as in other circumstances, such as always being
searched when leaving he chow hall in prison – was that I wasn’t going to make
a big stink about it or give them a hard time.
So because I tried to be agreeable, I was a favorite target for the
staff; they had a quota of calls to make, so why not knock one off that quota
by taking the path of least resistance?
My boss didn’t seem to mind, but then he’d bug me about after they
called. He just liked to complain,
really.
The
other problem with work, for the time being, was that I had to go to mandatory
group meetings twice a week, on Tuesdays and Thursdays. These would require me to take the bus from
down the street to downtown, run 3 blocks (because I had only about 2 minutes
to make the switch), and transfer onto another bus which would take me up to
the counseling location. It happened to
be only about a 5 minute drive from my house, but with the bus system it was a
real pain in the butt.
Worse,
my boss (who was the only other person who worked at that location, if you
remember), had a habit of taking long lunches.
Sometimes I’d be sitting there staring at the clock, knowing that if he
didn’t show up within a minute or two I’d miss the bus and be late for the
meeting. I couldn’t just leave the
store, because I had no key! If I did, I could just lock it up and take off…but in these cases I
had to panic and count the seconds.
Occasionally I’d have to run off so quickly that I wouldn’t be able to
call the Halfway House to say “I’m leaving work and heading to my group
meeting) which was mandatory every time I moved from one place to another (they
had a phone at the therapy center which rang directly to the halfway house, so
that part was easy). If I forgot to
call, I had to find a payphone along the way and call from there, otherwise I’d
be guilty of not being accountable for my whereabouts, and I’d potentially have
passes or other privileges taken away (or worse if I was a repeat
offender). Fortunately I always kept a
supply of quarters in my pocket for these pay phone calls. But what a beating the whole system was!
There
was one occasion when I completely forgot to call from work, on a day when I
was coming back to the halfway house directly.
I realized once I got on the van at the train station and we were
heading back. This was the one and only
occasion that I remember when the fact that I obeyed the rules and didn’t cause
trouble paid off. When we showed up, the
staff member who signed me in asked if I had called to say I was leaving work
(they had a system where they moved your file from one place to another based
on what you told them when you called, and my file was still in the “at work”
area). I made the only choice I thought
appropriate: I looked at her and lied to her face. “Yes ma’am, I certainly did!” “Well, do you remember who you talked
to?” “I’m almost positive it was you,
ma’am.” She just shrugged her shoulders
and assumed she’d forgotten to move it.
As
irritating as these work-related hassles were, I didn’t have much reason to
bitch. After all, it only took two weeks
of working before I was able to secure my first 24-hour pass…which meant
spending the night at home for the first time since I’d left in November
2003! Usually someone with a stable job
could get a 48-hour pass, but because I worked six days a week that wasn’t
allowed. The 24-hour pass was pretty
simple: you had to give them what your schedule would be, in advance. If you wanted to go to dinner or a store or
anything, you had to put it on the pass request, including address and phone
number. But one thing you couldn’t do
was go to someone else’s house. This
actually was amusing for me, because the first 24-hour pass I had was over
Mother’s Day weekend, and Heather had planned for me to go to her mother’s
apartment with her. My case worker told
me that I wouldn’t be allowed to do that (lucky me!). The only catch was I had been joking about
not being allowed to go there since Heather first brought the subject up, so
now that I found out I REALLY wasn’t allowed to go, I felt I needed proof. So, I asked my case worker to write a simple
note. He looked at me funny, and I explained why I
needed it. “What do you want me to
write?” he asked, and I told him what to put down, which he basically copied
word for word. I still have that note
(although I’m not sure why), and it appears below:
Heather
didn’t want to believe me when I told her that my joking had turned out to be
prophetic, but the note was enough to convince her. So while Heather was forced to go off and
spend time with her mother, I’d be able to sit around the apartment and relax.
In
preparation for the pass, and for the eventual switch to home confinement which
I was looking forward to a month or two down the road (getting to actually LIVE
at home, while still under the supervision of the Halfway House), I ordered a
separate phone line in my name. It
wasn’t allowed to have any features: just tone dialing. No call waiting or call forwarding, because
if they called to check on your whereabouts they wanted to know that you were truly
home. And since you had to provide them
a copy of the telephone bill, they’d know if you even tried a one-time usage of
services like that. A staff member also
came by and inspected the apartment, making sure there were no guns, drugs, or
alcohol on the premises. With those
tasks completed, 
my first pass was
approved, from 6pm on Saturday May 13th 2006 until 6pm on Sunday the 14th. I couldn’t go directly from work: I had to
travel back to the Halfway House, sign in, and have Heather pick me up. But from there, we’d go back to the
apartment, and I’d get to fall asleep, and wake up, with my arms around the
women who had so patiently waited for me to come home; the woman I wanted to
marry and spend the rest of my life with.
There
was one more thing I was looking forward to, almost as much: seeing Tigger, my cat. When
I left in 2003 she was already 16 years old, and I never in my wildest dreams
imagined she’d still be living (at age 19) when I came home three years
later. But she’d been a good companion
for Heather, keeping her company on lonely weekends, and her health had not
been a problem at all. So with the big
day approaching, I had two major questions in my mind: first, would Heather and
I find it easy to slip back into the magical “nation of two” we’d experienced
in the time we spent together before I left; and second, would Tigger recognize or remember me after spending the last
three years with a woman she hadn’t known for very long prior? I hoped the answer to both questions would be
yes, but all I could do is wait to find out.
Just a reminder…the
events are basically all a true account of how Heather and I met, and our first
date. I wrote the play longhand from
prison for the anniversary of our first date.
Some names have been changed for reasons I forget at the time I typed it
in (even Heather’s daughter’s name), but otherwise this is very close to how it
went.
I’m No Edward Norton
(An
Anniversary Gift to Heather Taylor)
By
Douglas Kent, © 2009
Part Two
ACT TWO
INT. OF HEATHER'S
APARTMENT. A SOFA SITS BEHIND A COFFEE TABLE. A POT OF COFFEE SITS ON THE TABLE, AS HEATHER
AND SHANNON SIT ON THE SOFA, COFFEE CUPS IN HAND. THE APARTMENT SET ONLY OCCUPIES ONE HALF OF
THE STAGE AREA.
SHANNON
So are you coming over Friday night?
HEATHER
I'm not sure. I don't have class on Saturday but I do need
to go get some computer time. My
computer is still broken.
SHANNON
So? Spend the night and go from our place.
HEATHER
I still feel funny about spending the
night there after what happened last time.
SHANNON
What is the big deal Heather? I told you I've talked to Harold about it,
and he promised not to walk around the house naked when you're there.
HEATHER
Mmm
hmm.
SHANNON
All he was doing was getting up to
get a drink from the fridge in the middle of the night.
HEATHER
Well I'm sorry Shannon but it makes
me uncomfortable. It was creepy!
SHANNON
It isn't like that's the first naked
man you've ever seen. First
in a while maybe.
HEATHER
Thanks alot.
HEATHER REFILLS HER COFFEE CUP.
SHANNON
You know what your problem is?
HEATHER
No, but I'm sure you do. Let's hear it.
SHANNON
You're way too picky. You're never going to find the perfect
man. He doesn't exist.
HEATHER
So I should just settle for whatever
guy I can find?
SHANNON
No, Heather. Just find a decent guy who cares about
you. Then, if you can, start
reprogramming his default settings.
HEATHER
Great, I should tell him "I love
you, now please change"? Besides, I
don't need a perfect man. I just need
the man who is perfect for me.
SHANNON
What has been so wrong with the guys
you've dated in the past year? You don't
even give them a chance.
HEATHER
Please, Shannon. Let's see, that one guy brought me to a strip
club on our first date.
SHANNON
Be open-minded Heather. Is that so horrible?
HEATHER
No, I didn't object to the
location. Just how cheap he was. He wouldn't even buy me a lap dance! I had to go to the ATM and get money to pay
for it myself.
SHANNON
You are a certified nut.
HEATHER
Then there was the guy who wanted to
stop at his "friend's house" on the way home from our first date.
SHANNON
That sounds a little odd, but I am
guessing there is more to the story.
HEATHER
You bet there is. Turns out his
"friend" was his crack dealer.
SHANNON
Oh my God! What did you do?
HEATHER
What could I do? I hid in the bathroom and cried until he said
we could leave. Then I confronted him in
the car and demanded he take me home immediately.
SHANNON
Good recovery.
HEATHER
Then on the drive home I had to
listen to this emotional sob story about how I might be the one woman who could
save him and help him defeat this horrible addiction.
SHANNON
At least he wasn't afraid of
commitment.
HEATHER
That is exactly what he needed - to
be committed.
SHANNON
What about Todd? He lasted for a couple of months.
HEATHER
Yeah, until he got all pissed off at
me and told me I was a high maintenance drama queen who needs to be the boss
all the time. And I realized he was
right, I am. So if he didn't like it, he
wasn't the one!
SHANNON
Okay, admittedly those don't sound
like the ideal men for you. But are you
just going to give up?
HEATHER
Who said anything about giving
up? It just seems that I may never find
what I am looking for.
SHANNON
And who exactly are you looking
for? Rock Hudson? Wasn't he gay anyway?
HEATHER
No Shannon, I'm not looking for Rock
Hudson. And I have no idea if he was gay
or not.
SHANNON
Okay Heather, if not Rock Hudson,
then who? What?
HEATHER
Oh, I don't know. I guess in some ways I want an old-fashioned
romantic, and in other ways I want a modern man who can appreciate a liberated,
independent woman.
SHANNON
Oh no, Heather, you're not too
particular, are you?
HEATHER
Well let me try to break it down into
more specific things then. To begin
with, he has to open doors for me, especially when I'm getting into or out of
the car.
SHANNON
Well good luck with all of that!
HEATHER
I'm serious! He has to be sensitive. Not afraid to cry at movies. He should write me letters and cards, or
maybe poetry. He needs to enjoy some of
the same things I do: going to plays, the ballet, maybe an opera..
SHANNON
I hate to tell you this, but it
sounds to me like the person you are describing IS gay.
HEATHER
Oh shut up!
SHANNON
I'm serious. The ballet? Poetry? Plays? Gay, gay, and gay.
HEATHER
A man who doesn't care that I want to
take a long nap on weekends, and who will tuck me in when I do.
SHANNON
Gay.
HEATHER
Shannon, quit! Somebody who will brush my
hair for me, slowly and gently.
SHANNON
(coughs)
Gay.
HEATHER
(glares
at Shannon)
Okay, well run his fingers through it
at least. And he has to be good in bed.
SHANNON
No argument on that one, sister.
HEATHER
Not just with the actual intercourse
either. I want a good kisser. Someone who pays special
attention to my neck.
(sighs)
I love a man who bites my neck. He has to let me be on top sometimes
too. And any man I'm with from now on
had better have a good tongue and know how to use it: frequently and
generously. It can't be just about him
getting off all the time.
SHANNON
I have to admit that all sounds very
appealing. But come on, finding a man
who is interested in something besides his own orgasm? I think we're back to gay again my dear.
HEATHER
Okay, how's this one? I want a guy who will sit down and watch the
video of me giving birth to my daughter.
SHANNON
Uh, hold the phone there sister. Your ex-husband El Jerko
wasn't even interested in watching that!
HEATHER
George? George was never interested in anything
except for watching "Andy Griffith" and "I Love Lucy"
reruns. He is exactly what I don't want
in a man: controlling, moody, dishonest, mean, manipulative, and
unappreciative.
SHANNON
Amen to that.
HEATHER
He'd sit there on his ass watching
HIS television shows, and if I made the slightest complaint he'd tell me to go
watch TV in the other room. But as soon
as I did that, he'd start to whine that I wasn't spending time with him. So I'd come back in the room and start to
read instead, but that wasn't acceptable either. He always said I was only reading to escape
from being with him.
SHANNON
How compassionate.
HEATHER
That's why I need a guy who cares
about my thoughts and feelings. Someone who actually listens to me when I’m talking to him, and who
hears what I am saying instead of what he wants to hear. Someone who realizes that every time I start
to vent about a problem isn't an invitation for him to come up with a solution
or a personal attack on his fragile ego.
SHANNON
Yeah, I’m sure you want a guy like
that. You and every
other woman. Why not wish for a
million dollars and a pony while you're at it?
HEATHER
Why shouldn't I wait until I find the
right man? Why do I have to settle for
somebody I might not be truly happy with?
SHANNON
Because the man you are describing
might not exist at all. Or if he does
exist, you may never meet him. Or he'll
already be taken when you do meet him.
Or he'll be gay.
HEATHER
So? If I can't find him, I guess I'll be
alone. I'd rather be alone and lonely
than settle for the wrong guy and be miserable.
I could just get a dog for companionship, and
stock up on vibrators.
SHANNON
That's a pretty defeatist attitude,
don't you think?
HEATHER
No, because I don't have to give up
the search. If I don't find the man for
me, it isn't the end of the world. I'll
just keep looking. And my daughter will
always be first in my life anyway. Any
ideal man will have to understand that.
Maggie comes first, before him or myself.
SHANNON
Which is the way it
should be. But you need to face facts: in some ways
you're asking for the moon in this perfect match for you.
HEATHER
I don't think I am. The little things are just as important as
the big things. I want a man who likes
to hold hands. Somebody who can just as
easily listen to classical music as he can rock and
roll or some eighties new wave stuff.
SHANNON
As long as he isn't
a big fan of show tunes.
HEATHER
Very funny Shannon. Just because a guy likes musicals doesn't
make him homosexual. Yes, I wouldn't
mind if he'd take me to a musical now and then.
SHANNON
Oh please.
HEATHER POURS HERSELF MORE COFFEE.
HEATHER
Need more coffee?
SHANNON HOLDS OUT HER CUP, AND
HEATHER FILLS IT.
SHANNON
I guess he should be a coffee
drinker?
HEATHER
He had better be. I'd suggest he likes it strong too.
SHANNON
Well you can strip paint with your
coffee. I can only imagine what it is
doing to my insides. If coffee burned
calories, you'd be a size zero by now.
HEATHER
Well I don't wear a size zero, or a
size six for that matter.
SHANNON
What if Mister Wonderful likes his
women petite?
HEATHER
Obviously, if he is the man for me
he'll have to love me not just for what I have on the inside. He'll need to think I'm beautiful just the
way I am, big butt and extra pounds included.
SHANNON
And right that he should,
Heather. You are beautiful whether
you'll admit it or not.
HEATHER
(smiles
and sighs to herself)
SHANNON
What?
HEATHER
No, nothing. It's silly.
SHANNON
Come on girl, spill it.
HEATHER
You know how I'll be sure that I've
found the right man for me someday?
SHANNON
He'll have a two foot penis?
HEATHER
No!
You're awful!
SHANNON
Why?
That would be my ideal man right there: six foot four, mute, and a two
foot penis.
HEATHER
Now who's asking for the moon?
SHANNON
Sorry, I lost my head for a second.
HEATHER
Slut!
SHANNON
Don't change the subject. How will you know he's the man for you?
HEATHER
If he'll paint my
toenails for me.
SHANNON
What?
HEATHER
That's my final litmus test. If he is willing to paint my toenails for me,
that's the most romantic thing a man can do to show how much he loves me. Any man who offers to do that is
unquestionably my Soulmate.
SHANNON
That's one fantasy I haven't come
across in Cosmo yet.
HEATHER
Maybe I'm ahead of my time then! Maybe I'm too old fashioned. I don't know what I am. I just know what I want in a man. He might not exist, but that's what I want.
SHANNON
Well I hope you find what you are
looking for, but I don't know how likely it is.
Either that, or I hope you change your
standards.
HEATHER
Lower my standards, you mean.
SHANNON
Whatever. But while you're on the search for the
perfect man, do you think you could do me a favor?
HEATHER
Sure, what?
SHANNON
If you happen to stumble across the
mute with the two foot penis, give him my cell number.
Stay tuned for part
three of “I’m No Edward Norton” in Eternal Sunshine #33…if you dare!
The Eternal Sunshine Football Prediction Contest
We
didn’t get as many entries as I’d hoped for, but we got some, which is better
than none. Below you’ll see comments
from some of those who entered, explaining their picks, and then the table with
ALL the picks (including mine). When the
season is over we’ll add up the scores and see who wins.
Melinda Holley:
Here is my full breakdown of picks, not just the winners:
NFC East - Eagles, Giants, Redskins,
Cowboys (not that I think the Redskins will place 3rd, I just can't put anybody
ahead of the Cowboys)
NFC North - Bears, Vikings, Lions,
Packers (yes, I think this year the Packers WILL suck that badly)
NFC South - Panthers, Bucs, Saints,
Falcons (can't STAND Atlanta!)
NFC West - Cardinals, Seahawks, Rams,
49rs (San Francisco & football...two words that should never go together
and yes, I know it's THREE words but you get the idea)
AFC East -
Dolphins, Patriots, Jets, Bills (Dolphins especially if they keep Pennington! GO CHAD!)
AFC North - Steelers, Ravens, Bengals,
Browns (not that I think the Bengals will be good enough to place 3rd but
c'mon...everybody's entitled to 1 sucker pick)
AFC South - Titans, Colts, Texans,
Jaguars (but I still love the Jags)
AFC West - Broncos, Raiders, Chiefs,
Chargers (okay...I get TWO sucker picks...BRONCOS 4EVER!)
Paraic Reddington’s Explanations of his picks:
NFC EAST - Eagles. McNabb goes down in week 10 and
in comes Vick. From then on Westbrook scores me a heap of points as they never
pass again.
NFC NORTH - Vikings. After week 7 all talk of Favre
will finally stop - and then 2 days later he will sign for the Vikings.
NFC
SOUTH - Saints. Atlanta will run the division
early but the Saints will finish stronger and win it in week 17.
NFC
WEST - Cardinals. Not because I think the cards will be as good this year - but
because the rest of the teams in this division suck.
AFC
EAST - Dolphins. The fins will this year run a playbook made up entirely of
high school plays and will win the division on a statue of liberty double
reverse.
AFC
NORTH - Steelers - I don't like the Steelers. I don't like writing that they
will win. But they will.
AFC
SOUTH - Texans. Out of nowhere the Texans will become great - behind Slaton and Johnson.
AFC
WEST - Chargers. This team will be the most improved this year. The other 3
will go backwards.
Last
month, we gave you these two hypotheticals: #1: A house painter asks why you didn’t hire him. The only problem is his lack of personal
hygiene. Do you tell him? #2:
Someone you don’t particularly like offers to treat you to a meal at an
expensive restaurant that you’d love to try.
Do you go just for the meal?
Melinda Holley – #1 -
Actually this wouldn't be a problem 'cause if personal hygiene is the only
reason NOT to hire him, I would've hired him. Obviously, his work meets
my standards and his price is reasonable.
#2 - Oh, hell, no! No meal is
worth being in the company of someone you don't like. I don't think
there's enough Alka Seltzer in the world to make me do that.
Andy York - Hypothetical #1 - presuming this was a private
(non-business) transaction. I'd just say that "your lack of attention to your personal hygiene makes me
wonder about your ability to meet my expectations for completing the job as
expect."
Hypothetical
#2 - Nope, sorry - unless there was some other compelling reason (my
boss/business meeting, engaged to a close friend/relative and wanting to
establish a better relationship, etc).
Paraic Reddington – #1: No. But I'm
particularly bad at telling people about their lack of personal hygiene. I
prefer to lean back in such an exaggerated fashion that I either fall over or
they realize their breath stinks. I have no problem correcting people's grammar
though. I obviously regard grammar above body odor.
#2: Hmm not sure about
this one. If there is a group of people invited then I'll probably go along.
Then I'll get really drunk and be so obnoxious that the person will realize
that I don't like them and never invite me to anything ever again. Then again -
maybe I'll grow to like them over dinner! If it's just me and that other person
then no, I wouldn't go (Especially if they were a painter with bad personal
hygiene).
Kevin Wilson - #1:
Hmmm, a tricky one. Probably not but I would sure be tempted to. Especially if I had walked away from a much more attractive bid.
But, rightly or wrongly, I tend to equate personal slovenliness with
professional slovenliness. Even folks who do
physical work for a living, if they are going to be in others homes, should be
aware and be clean.
#2: Much easier. No. Even if it's a place almost impossible
to get in, the company at dinner is more important than the dinner itself.
Jack McHugh - #1: Yes,
I would tell him. Business people should
be open to both positive and negative comments from customers.
#2: No, I would not accept the invitation. The company is just as important as the meal,
if not more important.
Heather – #1 - No, I would make up some other
excuse because I wouldn’t want to hurt his feelings. But if he was someone I already knew, I’d
tell him nicely, somehow.
#2 – No, because I wouldn’t want to endure
their company. I’d rather save up my own
money and go myself.
For Next Month (For the time being, I am selecting questions from
the game “A Question of Scruples” which was published in 1984 by High Games
Enterprises). Remember you can make
your answers as detailed as you wish.: #1 - You don’t have
enough money to finish college, and don’t want to stop. Your uncle, who made his fortune gouging low
income tenants, offers to fund you. Do
you take his money? #2 - You attend a
wedding distinguished by poor food, boring speeches, and bad music. Later, the bride asks if you enjoyed
yourself. Do you tell the truth?
Whatever Works – For me, Woody Allen
has usually been either genius or misfire.
And my opinions don’t always match well with those of movie
critics. The Mighty Aphrodite was boring
to me…I barely got a laugh out of it.
Yet it seemed I couldn’t find a critic who didn’t love it from start to
finish. Whatever Works, his latest film,
has received rather negative reviews, or mixed at best. True, it has some flaws, but overall Whatever
Works is a wonderful, fun film, full of laughs and witty dialogue.
Larry
David plays Boris Yellinikov, a self-proclaimed
genius who at one time was considered for a Nobel prize
in physics. After the break-up of his
marriage, the onset of terrible panic attacks, and a failed suicide attempt, he
leaves his comfortable life for a small apartment in Manhattan, where he makes
his living teaching children how to play chess.
In this case, teaching is a euphemism for yelling at them, berating them
for their mistakes, and dumping the pieces on their heads. Boris has a true disdain for humanity. He refers to the common people at inchworms,
cretins, and idiots. He, the genius, can
see the big picture: life is pointless, the things we fill our lives with are
meaningless, and it will all come to an end sooner rather than later. And, as a race, humans are not inherently
good or kind. They are stupid, lazy,
selfish, and unreliable.
One
evening Boris is approached by Melody St. Ann Celestine (Evan Rachel Wood), a
kind, innocent, and thoughtful 18-year-old runaway looking for someplace to
stay the night. For whatever reason,
Boris gives in, and one night turns to two turns to a month. The two strike up a friendship, with Boris
lecturing Melody on the stupidity of the world and the people in it (including
herself). Melody, for her part, is pure
southern country, and seems not to mind when Boris calls her a cretin or an
inchworm. She helps Boris through his
frequent panic attacks, hypochondria, and OCD compulsions (singing Happy
Birthday twice, out loud, every time he washes his hands to be sure he is
getting all the germs off). Incredibly,
she picks up and adopts a few of his theories on society, which delights Boris. Slowly, Melody is growing and changing and
learning, but not blindly following; she still has her own beliefs and ideas.
Eventually,
and inevitably, their relationship grows beyond friendship. Meanwhile we’re introduced to Melody’s
parents…first her mother (Patricia Clarkson) and then her father (Ed Begley
Junior), both southerners with strong faith in the Bible; at least until New
York City grabs hold of them and they begin to think about what they want
instead of what is expected of them.
There
are a few minor problems. Larry David
does a decent job, but every once in a while you feel you’re watching Larry
David and not Boris Yellinkov. There is also a gimmick where Boris speaks to
the camera; that in itself is not a problem, but the goofy way people keep
asking him who he is talking to falls flat.
The point seems to be that, as he says many times, only HE sees the
whole picture, but the effect doesn’t work.
The ending isn’t quite what I hoped for either, but it does help to
highlight what Boris learns through his experiences (and which ties into his
string theory past): a never-ending stream of minor events and unlikely occurrences,
we are born, grow, and live our lives…but take away any of those events, and we
would not be where we are now. We are
the sum of all that we have experienced good and bad.
That
is a message I try to remind myself of – more so because Heather sees so much
of me in the Boris character. If I had
not lived through all the bad experiences that I survived, I would not be who I
am now, and more importantly, I would not be where I am now. Somehow, through it all, I found myself
face-to-face with the woman of my dreams…astronomical odds, but it happens, and
to more people than the odds suggest possible.
Whatever Works is disappearing from theaters as I write
this, so you’ll probably have to see the movie on DVD instead. Do so, and let me know what you thought.
District 9 – When it comes to
summer movies, most of them are simply mindless action, cliché-ridden dialogue,
and clear lines drawn between good guys and bad guys. District 9 is a summer film that gives you
reasons to think, but still entertains.
The
premise of the film is a bit unusual. A
large alien craft arrived 20 years ago and hovered over Johannesburg, South
Africa. Then…nothing happened. It just sat there. Eventually South African military breaks into
the ship, and finds huddled masses of malnourished alien beings; hundreds of
thousands of them. Why they came to
Earth is a mystery. South Africa takes
it upon itself (and later with international help) to nurse these aliens
(referred to derogatively as Prawns) back to health. They’re give a camp
to live in, known as District 9.
Fast
forward to today. District 9 is a
lawless slum, populated by the Prawns and some Nigerians who smuggle in
contraband (cat food is a particular favorite of the Prawns) and sell it at
excessive prices. The walls have become
militarized, and the Prawns are not permitted to leave the area any
longer. But citizens of the city are
still unhappy. They want the Prawns
moved, so a new camp, District 10, is built about 200 kilometers outside of the
city. The international group which
oversees the aliens, Multi-National United, is given the task of moving more
than a million Prawns from District 9 to District 10. In bureaucratic fashion, laws exist to make
ruling over these aliens legal. And one
of those laws requires that they be given 24 hours notice before they are
evicted from District 9.
Here
the story begins. Wikus
Van de Merwe (an effective Sharlto
Copley, in his first film) is a pleasant, typical desk jockey who is given
charge of the project because his father-in-law holds an important position
higher in the MNU. Generally unprepared
and out of his element, he leads the MNU representatives (with military
support) into District 9 to try and get enough signatures to make the eviction
notice legal. Language is not a problem,
for after 20 years they’ve learned to understand each others’ language. While collecting signatures, Wikus all searches for hidden caches of weapons (human and
alien) and other contraband, hoping to make a good impression on the higher-ups. But things go wrong, and soon Wikus is learning things he doesn’t want to know, and
experiencing things he never thought he’d be a part of. And through his eyes we see the lines
blurred.
The
choice of South Africa as the setting is ironic (and intentional). I’ve read a bit about the real-life
relocation of people being relocated during the Apartheid era. Yet even the black population of the city is
distrustful and hateful towards the Prawns, wanting them as far away as
possible. Not once in the
documentary-style footage (which is mixed with the live-action) are any of the
citizens interviewed shown expressing the slightest concern for the
Prawns. They just want them to go
away…which apparently they can’t do.
Some
may prefer more explosive, constant action, but if you’re like me, you
appreciate a thoughtful story to go along with the fun of the action. District 9 is worth seeing, so check it out.
Cold Souls – When you develop
a movie like Cold Souls, you’re walking a very fine line between eccentric
amusement and bizarre confusion.
Successful films like Being John Malkovich or
Eternal Sunshine can entertain far beyond expectation. Unfortunately, Cold Souls (from
writer/director Sophie Barthes), while not a complete disappointment, left me
feeling unsatisfied.
The
brilliant Paul Giamatti stars as himself. He is rehearsing a part in Chekov’s “Uncle Vanya” but he cannot manage to find the character’s voice
or emotion the way he wants to. Time is
running out, and he feels great pressure to succeed. His agent suggests he read an article in the
New Yorker about a company which extracts and stores your soul. The suggestion is that if the soul is
removed, Paul will feel freer, have less anxiety, and be able to act in the way
he really wants to.
This
premise is the first problem with the movie.
It is never explained how the removal of the soul would improve anyone’s
life. It is barely even hinted at:
without the soul, you’ll remove your anxiety and negative thoughts. Why that would be is simply left open to
interpretation.
Giamattti does his best to keep the film moving,
although it drags quite a bit. There is
a secondary story about a black market for souls, and “mules” carrying them in
from Russia, which eventually ties into the main theme. I don’t want to go too far into the plot, but
it lacks cohesion or – as an alternative – lacks the eccentric and mad universe
element. Even the laughs, of which there
are only a few, seem held back and understated.
When you have an actor like Paul Giamatti in
your film, it takes a certain type of direction and editing to maximize his
potential…and better dialogue than we’re shown here.
I’d
still say Cold Souls is worth a look, and perhaps you’ll get a lot more out of
it than I did. But I’d probably wait for
the DVD.
Seen on DVD – Watership Down (B, not as much fun as when I was younger, but
still good, and reminds me I’d like to reread the book). The Dead Zone (B+, in many ways one of the best Stephen King
adaptation. Christopher Walken really shows some range.) Special (B, quirky but generally entertaining low-budget film about
a man who believes he has super powers.)
Underworld –
Rise of the Lycans (C, the worst of the three. Dialogue way too close to moronic cliché
stage, no emotional ties to the characters, and everything is shot so damn dark
you can’t see what is happening anyway).
Don
Williams: Great issue – just finished reading the play – I laughed out
loud. I saw that it’s serialized … I just wanted you to know I enjoyed
it. I enjoy a lot of the zine as well, but let all my non-Dip obligations
get in the way of participating more.
[[Considering how hard Jim-Boob is trying to pull you back into
Deviant, I’m not sure how much moarticipating you
could handle!]]
Dane Maslen: This time I've read the whole zine fairly
quickly. I found the first part of the play very amusing - I'm very fond
of self-deprecatory humo(u)r.
[[That’s pretty much my whole
life!]]
Lance Anderson: Just getting caught up reading the back issues of E.S. that
I might have overlooked & one item from E.S.#6
prompted me to write. You saw 'A Handmaid's Tale' & gave it a C+ as a movie
but my suggestion is that the novel, by Margaret Atwood,
is far superior to the cinema adaptation & provides details that the movie
omitted completely. If you can find a copy, it's a great 'dystopian future'
type novel, enjoy!
[[I believe Heather told me she had read it before, which was why
we added the movie to our Netflix list.
I’ll keep an eye out for it.]]
Also, after reading all issues of E.S. again yesterday, I
would like to suggest to you that existence doesn't end with physical death. I
believe that the soul is a force that transitions to another plane of existence
after the physical shell deceases; I am atheist when it comes to religion &
I believe these 'life after death' is separate from religion!
[[I generally fear, or at least try to plan for, the unknown. Death? Can’t much plan for it. Reminds me of when Homer Simpson is talking
to God in a dream and wants to know the meaning of life. God tells him he has to wait until he dies to
find out, and Homer whines that he can’t wait that long. “You can’t wait two weeks?” God asks him.]]
Andy York: Interesting read on the script - though, a question,
how "verbatim" is the conversation with Ann and how much is scripted.
It reads a bit "sitcom-y" and, not entirely, the voice I've come to
expect from you (though, definitely, the Doug I know does come through at some
points). I look forward to the next installment.
[[That’s
about 80% how we spoke to each other at work.
A bit is condensed, and the references to people we worked with, and
those who were making our job more difficult, are removed. But a morning would pretty much be that way:
the two of us in banter.]]
The Halfway House is about what I'd expect from the situation. I would
suspect that the supervisor was a bit jealous and may have wanted to "put
you in your place" as well as not admitting his error.
[[Well
true, he was never “wrong” and his whole purpose seemed to be to live on a
power trip. Meanwhile, behind his back
reality was a much different situation than what he thought it was.]]
I
did like Public Enemies and didn't think it was
too long (though, a few minutes could have been trimmed here and there). The cinematography
and settings were excellent, as you noted. And, I agree that the underlying
story is a bit muddled by the core message - Dillinger v. Purvis, Dillinger v.
Hoover; but I'd add Purvis v. Hoover. And, I'd think the latter is the true
tension with Dillinger providing the reason for the conflict.
[[In
books there was more of the Purvis vs. Hoover, but in the film there didn’t
seem to be. They had one conflict –
Purvis’ call for more professional, less “gentlemanly” agents. And it lasted one phone call. Besides that, the film basically ignored most
of that conflict.]]
Philip Murphy: I have tentatively begun work on Issue 3 of TEOTA. I'm thinking of
simplifying the format some - using Scribus to lay it
out as a magazine was fun but waaay too fiddly, and I
can use Openoffice to make a PDF anyhow. So will be
slightly more casual layout from now on. The covers will still be done the same way,
though. I plan on releasing to the public on September 4th the issue just needs
to be tidied and re-done.
[[I look forward to it! You’re still publishing faster than Jim
Burgess; notice that a few people put down The Abyssinian Prince as “a zine no
longer being published” in By Popular Demand.]]
Hope you and Heather are keeping well - do wish her a very very
late happy birthday from me - my head's been in books for the last few weeks -
and I've been catching up on non-college stuff (like emails) since last week.
Finally got my MA finished so I am now free to play even more Dip.
Robin ap Cynan: Which version of the Brandenbergs
have you been listening to? And have you heard the 4.1 version of Dark
Side? Excellent!
[[I’m not familiar with the 4.1
version. How is it different than the re-mastered
one I bought? As for the Brandenbergs, this particular version is not remarkable,
I’m slowly adding classical CD’s no replace my long-gone LP collection, and I
simply happened across this one on clearance for $1 at Half Price Books. I bought it on impulse, planning to a better rendition
later on. But this one is actually
decent but generic (Baroque Soloists of Budapest), as the $1 price just means
it sat on their shelves too long and was moved to the clearance area to make
room for new arrivals. You can find some
good music for $1 or $2 there if you’re willing to sit on the floor and look
through the rows of trash.]]
Brain
Farts: The Only Subsubzine With
It’s Own Fragrance
By Jack “Flapjack” McHugh –
jwmchughjr “of” gmail.com
(or
just email Doug and he’ll send it to me)
Issue #10
I wanted to write about
my Phillies and how great they’re doing, but I don’t want to jinx them. So I figured I’d talk about the Eagles and
the Michael Vick signing, but I think Andy Reid ate him for breakfast the other
day when no donuts were immediately available, so that’s not possible
either. Instead, I’m just going to take
advantage of the short month Doug’s schedule gave me and fill this column with
nothing but little funnies people sent me from the internet. I’ve been pretty busy this month, so I don’t
have a ton of energy. I think I’ll leave
the punchline contest I mentioned last issue until
next month too. So, here’s a decent
joke, and then a guide to women and their hormones (which is of critical
importance to married men like me).
The
Fishing Trip
Dave and his buddies were hanging out and planning an
upcoming fishing trip. Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he
couldn't go this time because his wife wouldn't let him. After a lot of teasing
and name calling, Dave headed home frustrated.
The
following week when Dave's buddies arrived at the lake
to set up camp, they were shocked to see Dave. He was already sitting at the
campground with a cold beer, swag rolled out, fishing
rod in hand, and a camp fire glowing.
"How
did you talk your missus into letting you go Dave?"
"I
didn't have to," Dave replied. "Last week when I left our
meeting, I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my
sorrows. Then the ol'lady snuck up behind me and
covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise'." "When I peeled her hands back
she was standing there in a beautiful see through negligee and she said, '
Carry me into the bedroom and tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you
want'......SO HERE I AM!"
The Hormone Guide
Women will understand this!
Men should memorize it!
Every woman knows that there are days when all a man has to do is open his
mouth and he takes his life in his hands! This is a handy guide that should be
carried like a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend,
co-worker or significant other!
|
DANGEROUS
|
SAFER
|
SAFEST
|
ULTRA SAFE
|
|
What's for
dinner?
|
Can I help you
with dinner?
|
Where would you like
to go for dinner?
|
Here, have some wine.
|
|
Are you
wearing that?
|
You sure
look good in brown!
|
WOW! Look at you!
|
Here, have some wine
|
|
What are you
so worked up about?
|
Could we be
overreacting?
|
Here's my paycheck.
|
Here, have some wine.
|
|
Should you be
eating that?
|
You know, there are
a lot of apples left.
|
Can I get you a piece
of chocolate with that?
|
Here, have some wine.
|
|
What did you
DO all day?
|
I hope you didn't
over-do it today.
|
I've always loved you
in that robe!
|
Here, have some wine.
|
13 Things PMS Stands For
An Alternative to the
Standard Endgame Report
By Paul Milewski
In trying to come up with a topic to write
about for Doug, I finally settled on the obvious shortcomings of the standard
endgame report. For no particular
reason, I chose to use as an example “Giant Yellowknife,” which was a game in
Andy Lischett’s Cheesecake. Spring 1901
appeared in issue #256 (May 15, 2005) with Harold Zarr
as Austria, Fred Wiedemeyer as England, Mike Quirk as
France, Stan Johnson as Italy, Cary Nichols as Russia, and Ken Iverson as
Turkey. Spring 1911 was the last season
played and appeared in issue #279 (April 11, 2008). The game ended in an FGIT draw. The draw passing was announced in issue #281
and the player’s endgame statements appeared in issue #282 (August 27,
2008). Of course, along with the
players’ endgame statements was published the standard endgame report.
Aside from the names of the players
(including Eric Verheiden taking over as Austria from
Harold Zarr after F’02), the (standard) endgame
report for “Giant Yellowknife” was basically a supply center count:
For instance, you can see Austria’s supply
center count changing, shown as being 3, 1, 1, 1, 0 at the end of the first 5
game years, and you can see that Harold Zarr was
Austria “to F’02” after which Eric Verheiden took
over the position. It doesn’t reveal
what I believe would commonly be referred to as Harold’s “suicide” (NMR, all
units hold) in F’02 (issue #260) which prompted Andy to call Eric to stand by
as Austria. Even the players’ endgame
statements politely avoided mentioning it.
As someone who over the years has seen Harold play Diplomacy and who is
a subscriber to, and player in, Cheesecake, I knew about it, but anyone
relying solely on the standard game report (which is in the same form it would
have appeared in the Boardman Number Custodian’s publication when the postal
hobby was still going strong) would not, nor would anyone be able to tell from
the players’ endgame statements that appeared in issue #282, including the GM’s
comments.
Just to illustrate an alternative,
admittedly considerably more elaborate, endgame report, I slapped together
something. The result of my efforts is
shown below. I only included the first 3
years of the game, as it took some time to do that much and I’m coming up on
Doug’s deadline, but if one compiled this information as you went along, issue
by issue, the work in putting together one for the entire game would have been
spread out over time and not so burdensome as it was trying to do it all at
once as I did.
The example below has 40 different units
listed (22 at the start and another 18 new ones built). Obviously, there can be no more than 34 units
on the board at the same time, but the approach I took started a new line for
each new unit built and certainly not deleting the line of any unit that ceased
to exist. Looking at the results of
games years ’04 through ’10, I see 19 more new units built over the remainder
of the game, so a worksheet with room for 59 units would have been needed. There are also 3 columns for each game year
plus one column for the initial setup of the board, so with play continuing
through spring 1911, a total of 32 columns would be needed. This would be too much to expect the human
eye to take in all at once, but the data would be presented in a way to allow a
person to gain a pretty clear sense of the events in the chronological order in
which they occurred.
Out of the WAY #11
by W. Andrew York
(wandrew88 of gmail.com)
===================================
It’s
been a busy month for me, as I’m still playing catch-up from my July vacation.
I’ve been to a number of Round Rock Express baseball games (AAA minor league),
though they haven’t been doing well in the win-loss ratio; but, it is still
fun. The usual movies and dinners with friends took up some evenings.
Early
in the month, I enjoyed a great concert at the Dell Diamond (home of the Round
Express). It was a stop on the Nelson, Mellencamp and Dylan minor league park
tour. It started with a roughly half hour set by the warm-up band - decent,
nothing too memorable. Then, Willie took the stage. With the stage set-up, he
was standing in the sun the entire hour he was out there (and it was over 100
degrees) - quite a feat. Joined by Ray Benson (local front man for Asleep at
the Wheel), he was showing his age. He did engage the audience a bit, tossing
hats into the stage front crowd. However, for some of the songs, he did his
paces and nothing more - almost reciting at times, rather than singing.
However, it was Willie and the first time I’d seen him live. So, it’ll be a
memory.
Mellencamp
came up next, with what was the most entertaining and
lively set of the night - lots of energy and engagement with the audience. He
asked for some input on the songs, at one point singing a song acappella and
another with only himself on the stage with his guitar. Unfortunately, he
didn’t introduce the other musicians on stage until just before the last song,
so I only had the one tune to watch Andrew York play the guitar. ((Yes, if you
Google Andrew York, he - by far - has more hits than me and I hadn’t ever had
the chance, that I know of, to hear him play or watch his style)). So, that was
a bonus.
Dylan,
well, was Dylan. After each song, the lights went down until his band was ready
for the next song. Lights up, play a song, lights down. His set was the
longest, after the first hour he was joined for another 20 or so minutes by
local guitarist Charlie Sexton who added some energy to an otherwise set-piece
performance. All-in-all, a good evening!
Lastly,
ArmadilloCon (an annual literary sci-fi convention) took up an entire weekend
with excellent panels (orbital mechanics, creating a history behind your
stories, what is “classic” sci-fi, returning to the moon, etc). I did get
sucked into playing way too much Munchkin and missed a number of panels; but a
very enjoyable time. And, I found out that the week before, San Antonio
launched its bid for the 2013 WorldCon (go to www.texas2013.net to follow the
bid). Right now, they are the only bidding group, so join in and support the
bid. They did a great job with LoneStarCon 2 (WorldCon 1997) and I expect
they’ll do even better in 2013!
===================================
Poll
Question
Each month a question will be
posed to the readership. Your thoughts and commentary are solicited for the
next issue. Also, any response to
what folks have submitted
for the previous question are very welcome.
This issue: What do you think of the different reactions of
the public to the deaths of Walter Cronkite,
Michael Jackson and Karl Maldon?
Doug Kent: My only thoughts on the media
coverage of the deaths is that I am so tired of how everyone who dies
suddenly is lauded as a flawless person. Michael Jackson is the King of Pop
again, now a guy with bad debts, who “fathered” children without his DNA, and
who settled numerous lawsuits for inappropriate activity with children.
Cronkite was praised as the voice of a nation, which I suppose he may have been
at the time, but not to everyone....what about Brinkley? Meanwhile Maldon is
pretty much ignored, despite being a terrific actor. He’s just the American
Express guy. Ugh
[WAY] It all boils down to the Cult of Personality driven by
the fringe media, not an individual’s merit. Overall, I’d say the tributes to
Cronkite were at an appropriate level, while those of Maldon were minimalistic
at best. For Jackson, it was way overblown and sensationalistic - and still is
ongoing. Additionally, why should the local/county governments have to foot the
majority of the cost for the tribute, and the associated protection, for one
individual; but every other private citizen has to pay for the costs of police
protection/escorts?
For next issue: Did the “Cash for Clunkers” program reach
the goals set for it? Were those goals appropriate
for the Federal government to promote?
===================================
The
Month in History
September 1, 1939 - At 0445,
the first overt act of the Second World War in Europe occurs with Germany
invading Poland. France and Britain
quickly respond, mobilizing
and calling for military forces to their pre-war territories. Britain began
evacuating children from areas
vulnerable to aerial
bombing, including London.
September 3, 1939 - Britain,
France, Australia and New Zealand declare war on Germany. The first ship is
sunk by a U-boat, off of Ireland.
September 6, 1939 - South
Africa declares war.
September 10, 1939 - Canada
declares war while the BEF begins to land in France.
September 14, 1959 - Luna 2
lands on the moon, making another “First” by the USSR instead of the US in the
Space Race. Their string of
“getting there ahead of the
Americans” eventually results in Kennedy’s challenge to put the first man on
the moon.
September 17, 1939 - The USSR
invades eastern Poland.
September 23, 1779 - “I have
not yet begun to fight”, reportedly spoken by John Paul Jones in response to a
British surrender request, is the
most remembered part of
Jones’ eventual victory over the H.M.S. Serapis on this date.
September 27, 1939 - Warsaw
surrenders, leaving only small pockets of Polish forces still resisting.
September 29, 1939 - Estonia
agrees to Soviet use of their military bases, effectively an occupation of the
country.
September 30, 1939 - A Polish
government in exile is established in Paris.
Sources
include: current issue of Smithsonian; The World Almanac Book of
World War II edited by Peter Young
===================================
Recipe
of the Month
Recipe Philosophy: Except for
baking, recipes are only suggestions. I rarely precisely measure, eyeballing
most everything. The listed
measurements, for the most
part, are estimates from the last time I made the recipe. Feel free to adjust
to meet your personal tastes –
and remember, it is easier
to add “more” of something than to compensate when “too much” has been added.
For ingredients, if you don’t
like raw onions, omit them or replace with celery to retain the crunchiness. If
you like food with more spice, add
an extra jalapeno or use
habenaros instead. On the other hand, if you don’t like spicy food, replace the
jalapeno with half a bell
pepper. Optional items are
used when I’m looking for a variation or making it for individuals with
specific preferences.
Hummus
version by
W Andrew York
last
modified August 2009
Ingredients:
1 cn (15-16oz) Garbanzo
Beans (drained, liquid reserved)
2-3 cloves Garlic
(chopped)
1 large Lemon
(room temperature, juiced, about 1/4-1/3 cup)
3 tbl Tahini
2 tbl Olive
Oil
Salt to taste
Steps:
1 - In food processor, finely mince garlic
2 - Add garbanzo beans and puree (if using a
mini-chopper, split into two batches, combine when done)
3 - Add lemon juice, tahini, salt and olive oil, then
thoroughly mix, using reserved garbanzo bean liquid to thin as needed
4 - Let set 30 minutes,
taste adding additional salt, lemon juice, tahini and garbanzo bean liquid as
needed
Notes:
- To serve on a buffet/at dinner with chips or pita
wedges, put into serving dish, top with additional olive oil, paprika (can be
hot) and
topped with
chopped parsley or chives
- The hummus, as listed, travels well to work to eat
with a veggie snack (carrots, celery, cucumber, green onions, broccoli,
cauliflower,
peppers, etc). You may wish to go a bit light on the garlic, though....
===================================
Commentary
skipped
this month - working on a piece about the
food supply and farming
===================================
Letter Column
(always welcome,
send them in!)
none this month
===================================
Babylon
5 Quote
In Grey 17 is Missing:
Garibaldi:
“Thin air? Why is always thin air? Never fat air, chubby air, mostly fit but
could stand to lose a few pounds air?”
Source: But In Purple...I’m Stunning! by
J. Michael Straczynski, edited by Sara “Samm” Barnes, copyright 2008.
===================================
Game
Section
Hangman, By
Definition
This is a five round game,
with each round consisting of a variable number of turns. The winner will be
the person who wins the most rounds, with a tie breaker being fewest total number of turns in those winning rounds. Second
tie breaker will be the most number of letters guessed (by total count
revealed, not by individual letter).
Each round will consist of
identifying a word of at least six letters. Along with each word will be the
first definition given. Both words and definitions will be identified by blank
spaces. Words and definitions are verified in a dictionary that was my high
school graduation gift (slight hint to those who might want to find the
edition). [[Note – for the first round of this game, an online source was
used]]
The goal is to guess the word
in as few turns as possible. Each turn, all players will submit one letter to
be revealed. The letter submitted by the most players will be the letter
revealed in the next turn. Ties will be broken by a random method.
Additionally, each player should submit a guess for the word. Once the word is
correctly identified (spelling is important), that round will end and a new
round will begin. All players who guess the word in the same turn will share in
the win for the round. If the word is not guessed by the end of six turns with
no letter revealed, no one will win the round.
Along with revealing letters
in the word, letters will be revealed in the definition. There are no bonus
points for guessing any part of the definition, it is only there to help
players figure out the word. No guesses about parts of the definition will be
confirmed or displayed except by the letter revealed in that round.
All rounds start with the
letters “E” and “S” already revealed.
Round Two, Turn One:
Letter Votes: 1 - R; 1 - V, 1 - L Revealed:
N/A
Words Guessed: Doug
Kent - Predictamentally; Mark Lew, Jim Bob - Plenipotentiary; Andy Lischett
- Cat
Solution:
Word: P L
E N I
P O P
T E N
T I A
R Y
Definition: Invested with or conferring full
powers.
Revealed: E,
S
Round Four, Turn Zero:
Word: __ __ __
__ __
Definition: __
__ __ S
__ __ __ __
__ E __
__ S __
E __ __
S
__ E
__ __
Revealed: E,
S
Words Guessed: Mark D Lew -
2, Dane Maslen - 1, Jim-Bob - 1
Player Comments:
Doug Kent: I prefer to always start with E and S. [[WAY]]
See Jim-Bob’s idea below, what do you think?
Mark D. Lew: Ha ha. If Dane was
considering carabineer last month, then he and I have reversed it this month,
what with my
near miss on mizzenmast.
That’s scary that I nailed the definition exactly. I
was just sketching out something plausible, not trying to match it dead
on -- especially considering
I think I had some E’s in there that you didn’t.
I was thinking something similar about making it a
mockery. I had actually intended to send you a note saying I enjoyed
guessing, but you can
consider me outside of the game and keep my answer secret for the sake of
letting the others play.
I don’t have SOWPODS and I don’t have any tool for
advanced searching, but Chambers is online with a search tool
that allows for question
marks, and that accomplishes nearly the same thing. Just with a little more
work wading
through the non-word
phrases.
Fifteen letters is very restrictive. I’d be surprised
if your current word has more than one or two possible answers...
[looks]... Yep, there it is:
plenipotentiary. Looks like pleuropneumonia also works, but surely
plenipotentiary is the
answer. Kinda takes the fun
out.
[[WAY]] OK, super long words are out.....let’s
try a five letter word this time (though there are
lots of “E”s and “S”s).
Jim-Bob: I also find this really addictive when I look at it.
I’m not much of a Scrabble player, but I love words.
There aren’t that many 15 letter words that are just
standard words. I thought it could lead with “Over” but that would
be boring, so it made me
think about leader words. And Plenipotentiary came to me. That’s my word. It is
one of many
words that fits, must be
dozens of over words.
I agree with the Internet E and S should not be
revealed. More than that, what ***I*** would do is to not permit E or S
to be guessed as letters.
[[WAY]] Now, that’s an idea! What do the rest
of you think about never revealing “E”s or “S”s next game?
[[Jim-Bob]] I’ll guess V as a letter to reveal
“Over” words if Plenipotentiary is not correct. At least this time there are
LOTS of words that fit so it won’t be guessed first
time except by luck.
Andy Lischett: As for Hangman, I used to think I was good with
puzzles and with words, but I guess I’m no match for Mark
(which I already knew - in benzene
he used to collect words) or Dane. In Round One when Mark deduced “freely
----ing
rope” I got as far as
“creepy ----ing robe,” which wouldn’t have got me anywhere even if I’d thought
of Googling.
[Later] Round Three’s word is long, so maybe
it has a prefix or suffix. Perhaps it ends with “ic” or “acy” or “tion”, and
perhaps it begins with “prE”
or “ovEr”. I got all excited when I started plugging in “o, v, e, r, c, o, m,
p, e, n..” but
“sation” doesn’t work. I was
tempted to look for “over” words in the dictionary, but that’s sort of
cheating.
I did use the dictionary for research after reading
Mark Lew’s comment that a definition starting with “The” probably
indicates a noun. He is
right, and definitions starting with “A” are also
usually nouns, while “To” indicates a verb. Not
always.
But the definition this time has none of those.
“Invested”? “Untested?”
Possible future game openings
- Railway Rivals, Empire Builder, Liftoff!, Pandemic
Suggestions accepted for other
games to offer.
===================================
Deadline For The Next Issue
of Out of the WAY:
September 26, 2009 at 7:00am – See You Then!
Game entries, letters of
comment and other material can be sent to:
wandrew88 at gmail.com; or
by post to: W. Andrew York; POB 201117; Austin TX 78720-111
Diplomacy (Black Press – Permanent Opening
in ES):
Signed up: None, needs seven to fill.
Diplomacy “Cronin Special” (White Press): A regular Diplomacy
game with White Press, but with Larry Cronin and his two sons together in the
same game. If they’re anything like my
family, that’s no guarantee they’ll be allies – more likely they’ll constantly
stab each other. But come sign up and
help the two Cronin sons get some PBM experience! Signed up: Larry Cronin,
Michael Cronin, Chuy Cronin, Pat Vogelsang,
Graham Wilson, need 2 more to fill.
Gunboat Diplomacy (Black Press): Signed up: None, need seven to fill.
Sign up now!
Fog of War Diplomacy (Black Press): Signed up: Jack
McHugh, Graham Wilson, Mark Firth, Paraic Reddington, need three more to fill. Rules can be found in ES #30. The only portion of the game which will run
here in the zine would be the press, as the maps and the supply center
information is all private. And, of course, the end-game statements and
report would be run here. But the game
would run under the usual ES schedule.
Colonial Diplomacy: Hugh Polley has
volunteered to guest GM this, with a bond game alongside (a Bourse-type game). Signed up: Robert Jewett, Martin Burgdorf, Jack McHugh, Graham Wilson, need three more. There is talk of merging this with a similar
opening in Paul Bolduc’s Boris the
Spider. If so I’ll alert the
players.
Diplomacy Bourse (Black Press): Buy and sell the
currencies of the Diplomacy nations.
This Bourse is using the new game “Dulcinea” as its basis. Players may join at any time (one just
joined this issue), and are then given 1000 units of every currency
still in circulation. The rules to
Bourse can be found in ES #24.
By Popular Demand: Game currently
underway, join any time.
Standby List:
HELP! I need standby players! – Current
standby list: Graham Wilson, Jim Burgess (Dip only), Jeremie
Lefrancois (Dip only), Lance Anderson (Dip only), Martin
Burgdorf, and whoever I beg into it in an emergency.
I may offer another Gunboat 7x7 soon, so keep
your eyes open. I’m also considering
variants like Cline 9-Man (one player has shown interest so far), Youngstown,
or Woolworth. Does anybody have an
interest in Kremlin? Or
Stephen Agar’s Cannibalism? And now
that Deviant Dip II is starting, if the rest of you realize what a fun variant
it is, I may offer another game of THAT (despite how many times I have been
warned not to)! If somebody wants to
guest-GM a game of anything, just say the word.
If you have specific game requests please let me know.
Gamestart: Gunboat “Maple
Sugar” 2009Crb32, Spring 1901
See Just Before “By
Popular Demand”
Gamestart:
Diplomacy “Just a Taste” 2009C, Winter 1900
Austria (William
Wood – woodw “of” offutt.af.mil): Has F Trieste, A
Budapest, A Vienna.
England (Robert Jewett – Robert_Jewett
“of” navyfederal.org and robertjewett “of” yahoo.com): Has
F London, F Edinburgh, A
Liverpool.
France (Paraic Reddington - Paraic.Reddington “of” vix-erg.com): Has F Brest, A
Paris, A Marseilles.
Germany (Philip
Murphy trekkypj “of” gmail.com): Has F Kiel, A
Munich, A Berlin.
Italy (Ian Pringle -
pringle.ian “of” btinternet.com): Has F Naples, A Venice, A Rome.
Russia (Don Williams
– dwilliam “of” fontana.org): Has F Sevastopol, A
Warsaw, A Moscow,
F St. Petersburg (south coast).
Turkey (Graham
Wilson – grahamaw “of” rogers.com): Has F Ankara, A Constantinople, A Smyrna.
And we’re off! Black press folks, so send it in. Have fun, let me
know if you have any questions. I’ve
opened a new game of Diplomacy to replace this one. Remember, this game is American style, which
means Autumn and Winter are combined with Spring and
Summer is combined with Fall. It takes 3
requests to separate seasons, but Winter 1901 is
played by itself automatically.
Spring 1901 Deadline is September 29th 2009 at 7:00am my time
Diplomacy “Wouldn’t It Be Nice?” 2008A, S 07
Austria (Kevin
Wilson
- ckevinw “of” yahoo.com): A Budapest – Rumania,
F Greece - Aegean Sea (*Bounce*), F
North Africa Supports F Western Mediterranean - Mid-Atlantic Ocean
(*Void*), A Serbia Supports A Budapest –
Rumania, A Trieste – Budapest, A Vienna – Galicia,
A Warsaw Supports A Vienna - Galicia.
England (Jérémie LeFrançois - jeremie.lefrancois “of”gmail.com): F Baltic Sea - Livonia (*Bounce*),
F Belgium Supports A
London – Picardy, F Edinburgh – North Sea,
F English Channel Convoys A London – Picardy, F
Irish Sea - Mid-Atlantic Ocean (*Fails*), A London – Picardy,
F Mid-Atlantic Ocean - Portugal
(*Bounce*), A Moscow - Livonia (*Bounce*),
F North Atlantic Ocean Supports F Irish Sea -
Mid-Atlantic Ocean (*Fails*),
A Sevastopol Supports A Budapest - Rumania.
France (William Wood
– woodw “of” offutt.af.mil): A Brest Supports A Gascony – Paris, A
Gascony - Paris.
Germany (Graham
Wilson – grahamaw “of” rogers.com): A Berlin – Silesia, A Kiel – Berlin,
A Munich - Burgundy.
Italy (Don Williams
– dwilliam “of” fontana.org): F Gulf of Lyon Convoys A Piedmont – Marseilles,
F Marseilles – Piedmont, A Picardy Hold
(*Disbanded*), A Piedmont – Marseilles,
F Spain(nc) - Portugal (*Bounce*), F Western Mediterranean -
Spain(sc) (*Fails*).
Russia (Melinda
Holley – genea5613 “of” aol.com): A Rumania Hold
(*Dislodged*, retreat to
Ukraine or OTB).
Turkey (Brad Wilson
- bwdolphin146 “of”yahoo.com): F Black Sea Convoys A Constantinople
– Rumania,
F Bulgaria(ec) Supports A Constantinople – Rumania, A
Constantinople - Rumania (*Fails*),
F Smyrna - Aegean Sea (*Bounce*).
The A/E/I Draw Fails
Summer/Fall 1907 Deadline is September 29th 2009 at 7:00am my time
PRESS
None? No
Press? Gimme a
BREAK!
Diplomacy
“Dulcinea” 2008C, W 03/S 04
Austria (Stephen
Agar – stephen “of” stephenagar.com): Build A Trieste..F Adriatic Sea
Supports
A
Greece – Apulia, A Budapest – Galicia, A Trieste – Tyrolia, A Ukraine Supports A Budapest – Galicia,
A
Venice Supports A Trieste – Tyrolia, A Vienna
Supports A Trieste - Tyrolia.
England (Philip
Murphy trekkypj “of” gmail.com): Build F Liverpool..F Liverpool - Irish
Sea,
F
North Sea - English Channel, A Norway – Sweden, F Skagerrak – Norway, F St
Petersburg(nc) Hold,
A Wales Hold.
France (Brad Wilson
– bwdolphin146 ”of” yahoo.com): Remove F North Africa..
A
Belgium - Burgundy (*Fails*), A Paris Supports A Belgium – Burgundy,
A
Picardy Supports A Belgium – Burgundy, F Portugal - Spain(sc).
Germany (William
Wood – woodw “of” Offutt.af.mil): A Burgundy - Belgium
(*Fails*),
F
Denmark - Baltic Sea, A Holland Supports A Burgundy –
Belgium, A Munich Supports A Tyrolia,
A
Ruhr Supports A Burgundy - Belgium.
Italy (Melinda
Holley – genea5613 “of” aol.com): Build F
Naples..A Marseilles – Piedmont,
F
Naples - Ionian Sea (*Fails*), F Spain(sc) - Gulf
of Lyon,
A
Tyrolia Supports A Marseilles - Piedmont
(*Dislodged*, retreat to Bohemia or OTB),
F Western Mediterranean - Tunis.
Russia (Jack McHugh –
jwmchughjr “of” gmail.com): A Moscow Supports A Warsaw,
A
Warsaw Supports A Moscow.
Turkey (Jim Burgess –
jfburgess “of” gmail.com): Build F Smyrna..F Black Sea Supports A Sevastopol,
F
Constantinople - Aegean Sea, A Greece – Apulia, F Ionian
Sea Convoys A Greece – Apulia,
A
Sevastopol Supports A Ukraine - Moscow (*Void*), F Smyrna - Eastern
Mediterranean.
Summer/Fall
1904 Deadline is September 29th 2009 at 7:00am my time
PRESS
Prime Minister to Smaug: Goose? Turkey? Me? *falls down laughing* No,
seriously..... are you punning me?
England to Australia:
Yoink! *Grabs the Urn containing the Ashes* Ours, methinks. Your bowlers have hardly done the business
this year. Still, you've had a solid run.... but enough is enough. I'm bowled
over by the fact that you've held it so long... Anyway, must dash, am off to
meet my dear friend Freddie for tea. We're not having cheese sandwiches though, we decided to dismiss them for a duck.....
Germany to France: Why couldn't we just talk it out?
Prime Minister to All: Doesn't
anybody read my letters? I'm lonely. :(
Diplomacy
“Bellicus” from Strange Meeting, Fall/Winter
1904
Austria
(Terry Hayes – Telboy203 “of” aol.com): No
units.
England
(Smiley McKinnon – Boltar35 “of” aol.com): F Edinburgh – Clyde, A London Hold,
F North Sea - Norway.
France
(Pat Vogelsang – godawgsgo33 “of” yahoo.com): A Belgium Supports A Burgundy,
A
Burgundy Supports A Bohemia – Munich, F English Channel
Convoys A Picardy – Liverpool, A Gascony Hold,
F
Irish Sea Convoys A Picardy – Liverpool, A Picardy - Liverpool.
Germany
(Beartla de Burca – beartlab “of” yahoo.ie): F Denmark Hold
(*Dislodged*, NRR, removed),
A
Holland Hold, A Munich – Kiel, A Silesia - Munich (*Fails*).
Italy
(David Latimer – davidlatimeryork “of” yacoo.co.uk): F Adriatic Sea Supports A Trieste (*Cut*),
A
Trieste Hold (*Dislodged*, retreats to Tyrolia), F
Tunis - Ionian Sea (*Bounce*), A Venice Supports A
Trieste.
Russia
(Chris Babcock – cbabcock “of” asciiking.com): A Bohemia – Munich, A Galicia - Silesia (*Fails*),
F
Skagerrak – Denmark, A St Petersburg – Finland, F Sweden Supports F Skagerrak –
Denmark,
A
Ukraine – Warsaw, A Vienna Supports A Budapest - Trieste.
Turkey
(Phil Amos – p.v.a “of” btinternet.com): F Aegean Sea - Eastern Mediterranean,
F
Albania - Adriatic Sea (*Fails*), F Black Sea – Ankara, A Budapest –
Trieste, F Constantinople - Aegean Sea,
F
Greece - Ionian Sea (*Bounce*), A Serbia Supports A Budapest - Trieste.
Ownership of supply
centers:
Austria: None,
Eliminated
England:
Edinburgh, London, Norway=3,
Even
France:
Belgium, Brest, Liverpool,
Marseilles, Paris, Portugal, Spain=7, Build 1
Germany:
Berlin, Holland, Kiel=3, Even
Italy:
Naples, Rome, Tunis,
Venice=4, Even
Russia:
Budapest, Denmark, Moscow,
Munich, Sevastopol, St Petersburg, Sweden,
Vienna, Warsaw=9, Build 2
Turkey:
Ankara, Bulgaria,
Constantinople, Greece, Rumania, Serbia, Smyrna, Trieste=7, Build 1
France: Build A Paris.
Russia: Build F St Petersburg(nc), Build A Moscow.
Turkey: Build A Constantinople.
PRESS
Anonymous: Be warned, this
Italy has a backbone! Any trespassers
will be entangled for a LONG time.
Spring/Summer
1905 Deadline is September 29th 2009 at 7:00am my time
Diplomacy
“Chimaera” from Strange Meeting, Fall/Winter 1904
Austria
(Tim Deacon – unknown email, see below): A Budapest Supports A Vienna,
A
Serbia Supports A Rumania - Bulgaria, A Vienna Supports A Bohemia - Tyrolia (*Void*).
England
(Nigel Pepper – nepper “of” totalise.co.uk): F Belgium – Picardy, A Burgundy – Munich,
F
English Channel Supports A North Africa – Brest, F
Holland Supports F Kiel,
F
Irish Sea Supports F Mid-Atlantic Ocean, F Kiel Supports F Holland,
F
Mid-Atlantic Ocean Convoys A North Africa – Brest, A North Africa - Brest.
France
(Robert Jewett – Robert_Jewett “of” navyfederal.org
and robertjewett “of” yahoo.com):
A Brest Supports A Picardy - Paris (*Dislodged*, NRR, disbanded), A Munich Hold
(*Disbanded*),
A
Picardy – Paris, F Portugal - Mid-Atlantic Ocean (*Fails*), A Ruhr Supports
A Munich, F Spain(sc) - Marseilles.
Italy
(Jimmy Cowie – jcowie “of”
madasafish.com): F Albania - Ionian Sea, F Ionian Sea –
Tunis,
A
Tyrolia - Bohemia (*Fails*), F Tyrrhenian Sea -
Western Mediterranean, A Venice - Tyrolia
(*Fails*).
Russia
(Mike Oliveri – oliverima
“of” aol.com): F Ankara Supports A
Constantinople,
F
Baltic Sea Supports A Berlin, A Berlin Supports A
Burgundy – Munich, F Black Sea Supports A Constantinople,
A
Bohemia Supports A Burgundy - Munich (*Cut*), A Constantinople Supports A Rumania
- Bulgaria,
A
Rumania - Bulgaria, A Sevastopol - Armenia (*Bounce*), A Silesia
Supports A Burgundy - Munich.
Turkey
(Eric Knibb – eric_knibb
“of” blueyonder.co.uk): F Aegean
Sea - Bulgaria(sc)
(*Fails*),
A
Bulgaria - Rumania (*Dislodged*, NRR, disbanded *Fails*), A Smyrna -
Armenia (*Bounce*).
Tim Deacon has left his employment position, and is working on
securing a new email address (from home most likely). As soon as I hear from him I will let
everybody know what it is. In the
meantime, as a backup, I am asking Jim Burgess (jfburgess “of” gmail.com) to
submit standby orders for Austria, just in case.
Ownership of supply
centers:
Austria:
Budapest, Serbia,
Vienna=3, Even
England:
Belgium, Brest, Denmark,
Edinburgh, Holland, Kiel, Liverpool, London,
Munich, Norway=10, Build 2
France:
Marseilles, Paris,
Portugal, Spain=4, Even
Italy:
Naples, Rome, Trieste,
Tunis, Venice=5, Even
Russia:
Ankara, Berlin,
Constantinople, Moscow, Rumania, Sevastopol,
St Petersburg, Sweden, Warsaw, Bulgaria=10, Build 1
Turkey:
Greece, Smyrna=2, Even
England: Build A London, Build A Liverpool.
England: Build A Warsaw.
Spring/Summer
1905 Deadline is September 29th 2009 at 7:00am my time
PRESS
Russia
– Austria:
What do you say to loyalty? Ah, I
understand…silence.
Diplomacy
“Albion” from Strange Meeting, Fall/Winter 1904
Turn
Delayed!
Stephen
emailed me to let me know that he was leaving on holiday and was still missing
multiple sets of orders. So when he
returns he’ll track down who he can, and then adjudicate (probably a week from
now or so).
Remember: Orders go to
Stephen Agar!!!
“Dulcinea” Diplomacy Bourse
Billy Ray Valentine: No activity. I think he’s been arrested for panhandling,
impersonating a legless and blind veteran.
Duke of York: Sells 500 Marks,
500 Lira. Buys 961
Crowns.
Smaug the Dragon: Sells 500 Marks, 500 Lire, and 500
Rubles. Buys 1500
Pounds.
Rothschild: Sells 500
Francs. Buys 163
Crowns, 169 Pounds, 175 Lire, and 153 Piastres.
Baron Wuffet: Sucks his thumb and does nothing.
Wooden Nickel
Enterprises:
Sells 500 Crowns. Buys
614 Rubles.
VAIONT Enterprises: No activity…he
doesn’t understand this game.
Insider Trading LLC: Sells 500 Crowns,
500 France. Buys 515
Pounds, 458 Piastres.
Next Bourse Deadline is September 28th 2009 at 7:00pm my time
PRESS
Smaug to Middle Earth: Tremble before me, miserable creatures! Once I dispatch the
pathetic AEFGIRT, I'm coming to* _get you!_ */*snorts
flames* Oh yes.
Duke of
York to
VAIONT: Now you're selling Crowns, good deal, again I will buy
them in your wake. Keep making these brilliant moves and
I shall continue increasing my lead over you. This turn I should
move into fourth place....
Deviant Dip II –
“Black Licorice” – 2009Brc08 – Spring 1902
Austria (John Walker
- jwalker150 “of” hotmail.com): A Budapest
Supports A Vienna – Galicia,
F
Greece Supports A Serbia - Bulgaria (*Cut*), A Serbia - Bulgaria
(*Fails*), A Trieste – Tyrolia (*Fails*),
A Vienna - Galicia.
Also now has M Corsica.
England (Russell Blau – russblau “of”
imapmail.org):
Belgium Hold, F Edinburgh - North Sea,
A London – Wales, F North Sea - English Channel, F Norway Supports
F Edinburgh - North Sea. Also now
has
M Ireland.
France (Jim Burgess
– jfburgess “of” gmail.com with Don Williams ordering
units): F Brest – Picardy,
F
Marseilles - Gulf of Lyon, A Paris – Burgundy, F Portugal - Spain(sc),
A Spain – Marseilles. Also now has
M Sardinia.
Germany (Pete Gaughan – raptormage “of”
astound.net):
A Berlin Supports A
Ruhr – Munich,
F
Denmark – Kiel, A Holland – Ruhr, A Ruhr - Munich. Also now has M Iceland.
Italy (John David
Galt – jdg “of” diogenes.sacramento.ca.us): F Ionian Sea Convoys A Tunis – Apulia,
F
Naples Supports F Ionian Sea, A Rome – Venice, A Tunis
- Apulia. Also now has M Sicily.
Russia (Mark D Lew –
markdlew “of” earthlink.net): F Constantinople - Aegean Sea
(*Fails*),
A
Galicia - Rumania (*Dislodged*, ret Boh, Sil, Fin, Gas), A Moscow – Ukraine, A Rumania - Serbia
(*Fails*),
F
Sweden Holds English F Norway (Tightly), A Warsaw - Galicia (*Fails*). Also now has M Cyprus.
Turkey (Jason
Bergmann – jasonbergmann “of” gmail.com): F Aegean Sea - Greece
(*Fails*),
A
Bulgaria Supports F Aegean Sea - Greece (*Cut*), A Sevastopol Supports A
Galicia – Rumania,
F Smyrna - Eastern Mediterranean. Also now has M Crete.
Barbarians A Munich – Tyrolia (Destroyed).
Remember, all of these are now Marine units
(Rule #19)!
RP’s (Rule #21): John Walker - 1; Russell Blau - 2; Jim Burgess - 2; Pete Gaughan
- 0; John David Galt - 1; Mark D Lew - 2; Jason Bergmann - 1.
Official Standby
Players, as needed:
Jack McHugh (jwmchughjr “of” gmail.com), Hugh Polley
(hapolley “of” yahoo.ca).
Votes
by Nation:
Austria: 5 Yes for #19, 1
Yes for #23.
England: 1 No for #18, 1
Yes for #21, 2 Yes for #22, 2 for Barbarian Mun-Ruh.
France: 3 Yes for #14, 1
Yes for #16, 3 Yes for #25.
Germany: 1 Yes on #15, 1 No
on #19, 1 Yes for #23, 1 Yes for #24, 1 for Barbarian Mun-Tyr.
Italy: 1 Yes on #15, 1
Yes on #17, 1 No on #23, 1 No on #24, 1 for Barbarian Mun-Tyr.
Russia:3 Yes for #15, 1 Yes
for #16, 1 Yes for #22, 2 for Barbarian Mun-Tyr.
Turkey: 4 Yes for #15, 1
Yes for #23.
Rule explanations: 9 rules passed this turn, as the
game quickly spirals into a madhouse.
Following the passed rules, anything shown in [[bold
italics in double brackets]] is meant to help explain how these rules
will be handled or adjudicated.
Additional questions should be asked either by email, or preferably in
the Eternal Sunshine Yahoo forum so all players and non-players can see the
questions. The map will now use the
first letter of each nation to designate units, instead of armies or fleets as
they are all marine units. Those letters
will change to reflect Rule #16 beginning next turn. Remember, votes are based on one more than the
number of supply centers you had after LAST Fall, so they don’t include the new
island centers yet.
Fall 1902 Deadline is September 28th at 7:00pm my time
This turn will include votes and moves (no new proposals)!
Proposed
Rules:
Rule #27 – Secret Ballot (Proposed by John David
Galt): The GM
shall no longer reveal how any player spent his/her rule votes. The total
numbers of Yes and No votes on each rule, and the total number of votes
expended for each other purpose (such as attempting to give an order to a
Barbarian Horde), shall still be public information. The authorship of all rule
proposals shall still be public information.
Rule #28 - Invisibility
Spells (Proposed by John David Galt): Each Spring or Fall turn, each player
may spend one of his rule votes to cause one of his units to become
invisible. The unit will act normally in all respects, but its location,
and any orders to it, will be known only to its owner and the GM.
Invisibility takes effect immediately -- before the adjudication of orders on
the same turn in which it is cast -- and only ends if the unit, at the end of
any turn, is in a supply center which did not belong to the unit's owner at the
beginning of that turn. (On that turn its location is revealed but the order,
if any, it received that turn is not.) Neighboring units affected by the invisible
unit will know whether their orders succeeded or not, but will not be told why.
Rule #29 - Musical Chairs
(Proposed by Russell Blau): During each Winter
adjustment phase, the GM will randomly select one of the surviving Great Powers
and assign it randomly to one of the standby players, effective with the
following Spring season. The player formerly
playing the selected Great Power will become a standby player. Any player
whose power is eliminated due to losing all supply centers will also become a
standby player.
Rule #30 - British Naval Dominance (Proposed by
Russell Blau): Any non-English fleet in or adjacent to the Atlantic Ocean (defined as Bar, Nwg,
Ska, Nth, Hel, NAO, MAO, Iri,
and Eng, and all provinces having coastlines on any of those spaces), is sunk
in a lightning raid by the Royal Navy, and
disbanded. This rule has one-time effect only, and does not affect
ownership of any supply center.
Rule #31
- Take over the Dulcinea (Proposed by Jim Burgess): As
soon as this is passed (i.e. in the same issue), a "Dulcinae
II" board is created with all the players and unit positions of the Dulcinae game. All of the Dulcinae
players control their units on the Dulcinae II board
as well as the original board, but initially (until modified by future rules in
this game) cannot issue orders any differently from in Dulcinae
I, their submitted orders are also executed on Dulcinae
II. Every Fall turn, each player on the Black
Licorice board randomly will have one of its units cloned onto the Dulcinae II board in the same location and it annihilates
any existing Dulcinae II unit in that space. If
the randomly chosen unit is in a "new space", the entire rule
creating that space will also be transferred to the Dulcinae
II board -- otherwise all rules on the Dulcinae board
are as in Standard Diplomacy (at least for now). These units have one
free game year, the unit does not have to be in a supply center to stay on the Dulcinae II board, but after that must support themselves
by taking centers on the Dulcinae II board, centers are counted separately on each board.
Rule #32
- Take over Eternal Sunshine (Proposed by Jim Burgess): Rules
proposed in Black Licorice can have real effects on other games in Eternal
Sunshine. If this rule passes and subsequent Black Licorice rules pass
that affect other games, the GM/Publisher shall poll players in those games as
to whether the Deviant rule shall take effect. Any veto by any player in
the "real" Eternal Sunshine game invalidates the Black Licorice rule
for that game (rules proposed to affect multiple ES games can thus actually
only affect a subset of those games). These rules can be re-proposed, but
can cause the GM to poll players in any given Eternal Sunshine game no more
than once per Eternal Sunshine issue.
Rule #33 - Muzzle the Lawyers (Proposed by Mark D.
Lew): Any player who has a law
degree must abide by the following restrictions when writing rule proposals:
His proposals
* may not contain more than five (5) numbered or lettered paragraphs.
* may not contain any numbered or lettered subparagraphs.
* may not include any word composed of "here", "there" or
"where" attached to a preposition (eg,
"hereby", "thereof", "whereas")
* may not be more than 500 words long.
* regardless of word length, may not be so long and
boring that they make an ordinary person's eyes glaze over when reading.
* may not seek to gain personal advantage by means of lawyerly deviousness.
If any lawyer proposes a rule in violation of one or more of these
restrictions, that rule will be disqualified and not put up for vote, and on
the next turn the lawyer will lose one vote per violation.
Rule #34 -
Snowball fighting! (Proposed by Mark D. Lew): During
each winter season, each unit on the board may
throw a snowball at any other unit on the board. When
ordering throws, the player should specify a path of adjacent spaces, starting
with the space occupied by the thrower and ending with the space of the target.
(For snowball purposes, use adjacencies per the original map, ignoring any
changes in game geography due to deviant rules. A snowball's path may include
an impassable space such as Switzerland.) The
path must be reasonably straight, as if drawing a straight line from somewhere
in the one space to somewhere in the other, but will be judged generously if it
seems close enough. If a path is clearly not straight, GM may either designate a new path with the same start and end
space or else disqualify the throw as too preposterous.
Each snowball throw has a 1/N chance of hitting its target, where N is the
length of the path including start and end spaces. It also has 1/N chance of
hitting any unit in an intervening space along the path. Snowball throws are
ordered with winter builds, but they are resolved after builds. Newly built
units may neither throw nor be targeted, but they might be hit if they end up
in an intervening path along a throw. Units about to be disbanded may throw or
be targeted before they go, but they won't be around to get hit.
For each successful throw of length N=3 or more, the throwing player scores N
style points. No style points are scored for hitting a unit other than the
target, and no style points are scored for a throw of N=2. A player who scores
eight or more style points in a turn gets one additional vote on rule proposals
the following season. (Style points are not cumulative, and any number less
than eight garners no voting benefit.)
Snowball hits taken by a unit are cumulative and tracked from year to year.
During the winter season, any unit may, instead of throwing a snowball, be
ordered to go inside and dry off. It takes no hits that winter and its
cumulative total of hits is restored to zero. For each unit ordered to go inside
and dry off, a player gets -5 style points that winter.
Any unit which suffers 20 snowball hits is considered pummeled and is treated
as if in civil disorder for the rest of the game. It may not move or support
during spring and fall turns. It also may not throw snowballs nor go inside
during winter.
Rule #35
- Too Sirius (Proposed by Pete Gaughan): When
any unit supports the move of another power, that unit must stand in the next Spring or Fall season and many not receive support in
standing.
Rule #36
- In Democracy Flagrante (Proposed by Pete Gaughan): After
all other rules are resolved, the number of votes
permitted by each player is doubled.
Rule #37 - Strict Construction Good, Judicial Activism Bad
(Proposed by Jason Bergmann): Where any rule proposal is
ambiguous, unclear, or subject to multiple interpretations, the GM shall
construe such proposals narrowly. Under this paradigm, the GM shall
interpret ambiguous proposals to effect the least change to the
game's rules that is consistent with the proposal's language. This rule
shall not affect the exercise of discretion that is granted to the GM
specifically by other rule proposals.
Rule #38 - Scrambled Eggs (Proposed by Jason Bergmann):
At the end of Winter 1902, after builds, all units
will be redistributed randomly among all passable spaces. Armies landing
in water will become fleets. Fleets landing in non-oastal
land spaces will become armies. In addition, supply centers will be
redistributed among all players. After such redistribution, each
player will have the same number of supply centers, but such centers will
be randomlly chosen. In Spring
1903, each player may designate three of his supply centers to be home
centers. (Russia may designate four)
Passed
Rule Proposals:
Rule #1 - More Deviant Rule
(Proposed by Jason Bergmann). Paragraphs (5), (7), and
(8) of the Deviant Diplomacy II variant rules are repealed and replaced with
the following:
(1) Every Winter and Spring season, each
starting player who controlled at least one supply center at the end of the
previous Fall season may propose up to two rule changes. Such players may
choose to submit fewer than two rule proposals without consequence.
(2) Every Winter and Spring season, each
starting player who controlled no supply centers at the end of the previous
Fall season may propose up to one rule change. Such players may choose to
submit no rule proposals without consequence.
(3) Every Spring and Fall season, each
starting player has a number of votes equal to one plus the number of supply
centers the starting player controlled at the end of the previous Fall
season.
(4) Players may vote yes or no. Players may cast all of
their votes for or against any one rule proposal, or players can split yes and
no votes among multiple rule proposals. Players' votes are published.
(5) A no vote on any rule proposal cancels a yes vote. The
rule proposal receiving the most net yes votes goes into effect beginning the
next season. If more than one rule proposal tie
for the most net yes votes, then all tied rules go into effect beginning the
next season. The rule proposal (or proposals) will go into effect even if
the net yes votes are zero or negative.
(6) In addition to any rule proposals that go into effect under
paragraph (5), additional rule proposals may also go into effect beginning the
next season, if such proposals receive one or more net yes votes and if such
proposals do not receive no votes from at least two
different players.
(7) If two or more rule proposals would go into effect on the same
turn but conflict explicitly or implicitly with each other, then both rules are
null and void.
(8) The phrase "starting player" refers to the seven
players who started this game, plus any standby player who succeeds the position
of a starting player in this game. The word "player" includes
all starting players and all other persons who enter the game as a result of
the passage of additional rules.
(9) This rule may be amended or repealed only by any rule proposal
going into effect under paragraph (5). Any rule proposal going into
effect under paragraph (6) that amends or repeals this rule, or which conflicts
explicitly or implicitly with the terms of this rule, will have no effect.
Rule #8 - "Barbarian Hordes, or the Excess Profits
Tax." (Proposed by John David Galt). When any
power captures three or more supply centers (which he did not already own) in a
single fall season, neutral armies known as "Barbarian Hordes" are
immediately built in half of those centers (rounded down), selected at random
by the GM. This happens before the owner can build.
Once at least one Barbarian Horde exists on the board, player(s) may spend any
or all of their rule votes to attempt to give an order to a Barbarian
Horde. Each Horde follows the order to it that gets the most votes.
If a Horde receives no orders, it is in disorder and holds.
If two or more orders to a Horde get the same number of votes, the tied orders
are cancelled and Horde obeys the non-tied order with the most votes, even if
that is a smaller number of votes than the tied orders got.
Barbarian Hordes are amphibious -- they can move to any land space as if they
were armies, and to any water space as if they were fleets. They cannot
convoy or be convoyed. They can support and be supported. They cannot
retreat, and are destroyed if dislodged -- but that is the only way to destroy
them, because they do not need supply.
If a Barbarian Horde occupies a supply center after a Fall
turn, that center becomes unowned. However, a newly built Barbarian Horde
does not affect the ownership of its starting location in the Fall turn in which it is built.
When a Barbarian Horde is built, the unit which captured that space is destroyed
(thus allowing the owner to rebuild it normally in the Winter
turn immediately afterward, if he holds enough centers).
Rule #13 – “The Duck
Escapes Rule” (Proposed by Don Williams): Due to inept
leadership, poor press writing, and insufficient cerebral bandwidth the French
Republic under Don “Le Duc” Guillaume is swept away in a monstrously effective
coup d’etat. A new government and extremely popular government – to be
headed by the extraordinarily handsome, exceptionally erudite, and
press-prolific James “Le Burgess du L’Isle du Rhodes” Burgess – is immediately
installed. Tragically, as “Le Duc” is dragged straightforward to the
guillotine for his just come-uppance, he is permanently unavailable to be
re-called into this travesty of a dip game.
Rule #14 - Duck Williams Heart of Darkness Rule (Proposed by Jim
Burgess): While Don Williams may be "out of the
game" one can never be OUT of this game. Two new Provinces in Africa
are created by this rule, accessed from Belgium (for obvious reasons) and
London. Belgium now also is attached to the Upper River province, which
in turn is attached to the Lower River Province, which in turn is attached to
London. Only Fleets may enter this "river pathway" between
London and Belgium, convoys may be made through it if two fleets are in
it. The first fleet entering this pathway is forever afterward dubbed
"Marlow's Steamship" (again for obvious reasons) and that player
shall then document to the GM (via CC or other means) E-Mails, phone calls,
text messages, Facebook/Twitter postings etc. to
Don Williams where they say "The horror, the horror!" Besides
driving Don nuts, Marlow's Steamship shall never be able to be dislodged or
removed in the game (regardless of whether it has a supporting supply center)
as long as the GM (in his infinite wisdom of how to bug people) views that the
owner of Marlow's Steamship has sufficiently bugged Don that month. [[For the basis of this rule “fleet” now
refers to “marine unit.”]]
Rule #15 - Habsburg Relocation Act (Proposed by Mark
D. Lew): Besieged by enemies on all
sides, the Habsburg emperor pleads to Heaven for deliverance! Heaven answers, and the core of the empire is removed from Europe
and transplanted to a paradise island in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.
The four spaces of Vie, Bud, Tri, and Ser are transplanted: They are no longer
adjacent to Boh, Gal, Rum, Bul,
Gre, Alb, Adr, Ven, or Tyo. They are each
adjacent to Mid (and thus have a coast now). They
retain their normal adjacency with respect to each other. Any units currently
occupying those spaces are transplanted with them. The area where those spaces
used to be is now a large impassable void.
[[Vie, Bud, Tri, and Ser will each have only one coast, and will still
be known by their original names.]]
Rule #16 - Drench the Vermin! (Proposed by Mark D. Lew): France,
Russia and Germany are renamed Drance, Nussia, and Verminy.
Whenever reporting game results, GM must list countries in the following order:
Drance, England, Verminy,
Italy, Austria, Nussia,
Turkey.
Rule #17 - "Teleport Gates" (Proposed by
John David Galt): The North Atlantic becomes
adjacent to the Eastern Med. The Gulf of
Bothnia becomes adjacent to the Western Med.
Galicia becomes adjacent to Burgundy.
Rule #19 – “Marines” (Proposed
by John Walker): All units are made into units called Marines. Marines can move on Land, Water or by Air. Marines have no movement restrictions if by
air. Air Movement takes 2 turns to
complete, either a spring-fall or a fall-spring. [[By this rule, there are no longer
convoys. Coasts are no longer necessary
to specify, as the Marine units may move by land and sea. Movements by air must be specified as “by
air” or “via air.” Destinations of air
movements will not be revealed to the rest of the board until the 2nd
turn, although the player MUST specify the destination with the original order;
if you order Moscow – Paris via air, the first adjudication will merely state
Moscow – Moscow Air. The next
adjudication will report Moscow Air – Paris.
If the landing fails due to a bounce or other interference, the unit
returns to the original location the following movement season. However, if unable to land at the location of
origin because of a bounce or because it is occupied, the Marine which had
attempted the air movement is destroyed, crashing due to lack of fuel. Once a unit is in the air, the space it used
to occupy can be immediately occupied.
In the above example, Moscow would be considered unoccupied immediately,
so an uncontested move of Ukraine – Moscow would succeed even if ordered in the
same season as Moscow – Moscow Air.]]
Rule #21 - "It's All About the Rules" Rule
(Proposed by Russell Blau): Beginning with the season this rule goes into effect,
each player (as defined in the More Deviant Rule) receives one Rule Point (RP)
for each rule proposed by that player that goes into effect. For every
season in which voting takes place, each player receives one vote for each RP
they hold, in addition to all votes provided for in other rules. Clause (9) of
the Deviant Diplomacy II rules is repealed. The Victory Condition for this game
is to control a majority of the awarded RPs, provided that no player can win
the game until the total number of RPs awarded is greater than one-half the
number of supply centers in existence.
Rule #22 - "Continent-Wide Web version 2.0" (Proposed
by Russell Blau):
Every passable space on the map is adjacent to the spaces immediately before
and after it in alphabetical order. The list wraps around, so Yorkshire is
adjacent to Adriatic Sea, and vice versa. All new coastlines created by this rule
are considered to be contiguous to existing coastlines -- so, for example, a
fleet that enters Yorkshire from the Adriatic can exist to the North Sea, and
vice versa -- and new land boundaries created by this rule do not interrupt any
existing coastlines. Each space's name is alphabetized based on how it is
printed on the official map on the copy of The Game used by the GM. In
addition, at the end of the Fall 1902 season, the GM
will randomly select one land space for each power, from among all land spaces
within that power's 1901 boundaries that is (a) not a supply center and (b) not
occupied by any unit, which will immediately become a buildable home supply
center for that power. [[In
effect, the new adjacencies are “worm hole” passages,
because they do not change any other aspects of the board. St. Petersburg is considered to be spelled
out as Saint. I haven’t found any, but
if someone discovers before next turn that this rule contradicts Rule #15 by
making Vie, Tri, Ser, or Bud adjacent
again to any of their original neighbors, then both rules are null and void by
Rule #1 clause 7. As I mentioned, I
haven’t found that to be the case, but I could be wrong. If no such contradiction is pointed out to me
by the next deadline, both rules stand regardless.]]
Rule #23 – “Island grabbing” (Proposed by Jason Bergmann):
Effective immediately: Iceland is a German Home Center containing
a German Fleet; Ireland is an English Home Center containing an English
fleet; Corsica is an Austrian Home Center containing an
Austrian Fleet; Sardinia is a French Home Center containing a French
Fleet; Sicily is an Italian Home Center containing an Italian army; Crete is a
Turkish Home Center Containing a Turkish Fleet; Cyprus is a Russian Home Center
containing a Russian fleet. All such spaces are now passable.
The Eternal Sunshine map shall be used to determine what other spaces to which
they are adjacent. In addition, Sicily and Naples are adjacent to
each other, and Corsica and Sardinia are adjacent to each other. [[“Fleet” now refers to “Mariine.”]]
Rule #25
- The Boob Says Nay and Ducks (Proposed by Jim Burgess): Jim-Bob
has NO interest in actually playing this game, so he gives control of all
the units back to Don "The Duck" Williams. So as to
meet the criteria of the previously passed "unlucky" Rule 13, Don is
NOT actually re-called into the game. He just has to control all the
units. The Boob will retain all the voting and rule-proposing rights that
are the only reason anyone would actually want to play this insane game and
define who the actual players are. If this rule passes, the Boob (aka
Jim-Bob) can never push a piece, order a unit, or any other order writing
construct that anyone cares to propose for any power for the rest of the game. [[Don Williams will now be called on to
submit movement orders for French units.]]
PRESS:
This is the all powerful EFGIATR: Now let's see who is paying attention....
This is
the all powerful EFGIATR - Deviant you are toast. Prepare to
be overrun.
Austria
- Turkey: can you not stand so close. You smell.
Russia
to Turkey: I agree, you smell.
England
to everyone: We hereby surrender to Austria. Please send your
advisors so we can surrender.
The Egg
to the Chicken: Let’s have dinner.
GERMANY
to All-Powerful TARDIS (or whatever you're calling yourself): If you're so powerful, get
me a Guinness.
Peter
Pan to everyone: I am off to play pirates with the lost boys.
(Paris) Le Empereur
Boob is determined to get out of this game one way or the other; if he cannot
do it by changing the rules, he will do it by ticking off all his neighbors so
that they form a grand alliance to eliminate him.
(Berlin) He only
keeps calling himself "Boob" because he thinks we all like Boobs.
Please take every opportunity to call him "Spleen" or "Bone
Spur" instead.
Germany
to France: Can we buy monkeys and let them be our Air Force?
Switzerland
to Austria: They will never let you win. Switzerland will win.
GERMANY
to BOOB: I, for one, am certainly not trying to play this like a
Diplomacy game. After all, if I did that, I would be assured of losing.
Dateline
Berlin: The horde are coming. Run
for your lives.
Dateline
Paris: That's not the horde. It's the Aleutians.
Sweden to Norway: Hold me. I'm scared.
Black
Press Gunboat, “Maple Sugar,” 2009Crb32, Spring 1901
Austria: A Budapest – Serbia, F Trieste - Venice (*Bounce*), A
Vienna - Galicia.
England: F Edinburgh - Norwegian Sea, A
Liverpool – Edinburgh, F London - North Sea.
France: F Brest - English Channel, A Marseilles
– Burgundy, A Paris - Picardy.
Germany: A Berlin – Kiel, F Kiel – Holland, A
Munich - Ruhr.
Italy: F Naples - Ionian Sea, A Rome - Venice (*Bounce*), A
Venice - Tyrolia.
Russia: A Moscow - St Petersburg, F Sevastopol – Rumania, F St Petersburg(sc)
- Gulf of Bothnia,
A Warsaw - Ukraine.
Turkey: F Ankara - Black Sea, A Constantinople
– Bulgaria, A Smyrna - Constantinople.
Fall 1901 Deadline is September 29th 2009 at 7:00am my time
PRESS:
Austria to World: The Emperor will be keeping a close eye on
world events looking for anti-Austrian moves. He will react quickly to
unfriendly moves and try to reward friendly moves in kind. Here are
Austria's 1901 moves; tri-ven, vie-gal,bud-ser. No need for any
neighbor to worry.
Examples of unfriendly moves, Any movement to Tyr or Boh or (Gal
after spring 01) these are AH protected lands any movement or retreat there
will be considered an hostile act. The movement of an
Army to Greece or Rumania directly threaten
the fatherland and will result in War.
Moves which
will shock and please AH to no end. Austria will smile upon and seek to reward any power moving
in a pro-Austrian manner. Examples: A Ven-Apulia,
Rome-Ven will result in F Tri-Alb and no build Tri; A
War-Mos will result in Gal S F ??-Rum
if required or gal-bud. A Bul S Ser-Gre, will be viewed with shock, and gratitude and support
of Bul.
Austria knows it can never be a
super power and seeks peace with all neighbors, but beware AH can be a tough
nut to crack and while you pound my borders other will take advantage and move
on your position.
Emperor Charles the Great
Sou - English lover: A
bounce, sans doute. If not, pardonnez-moi, mon cher; I will shift ma
derrière douce to Belgium
tout de suite. x
This is
radio free Moscow speaking and just to let you know that I am an honest man looking
for some friends. You have no reason to believe me but time will prove you
wrong.
Sou - German Liebling:
I feel sure Burgundy remains empty, but if not, I will soon be visiting my new
Flemish lace mills and far from your homeland (ah, les memoires de boudoir
München). x
Sou - Latin amore: We must meet again soon
(ahh, così bello, così forte); but not
in the Med, naturellement. x
Sou - Mysteries of the East: I hope avec
tous ma coeur, to get
to know all of you intimately very, very soon. xxx
By
Popular Demand
Credit goes to Ryk
Downes, I believe, for inventing this. The
goal is to pick something that fits the category and will be the "most
popular" answer. You score points based on the number of entries that match
yours. For example, if the category is "Cats" and the responses were
7 for Persian, 3 for Calico and 1 for Siamese, everyone who said Persian would
get 7 points, Calico 3 and the lone Siamese would score 1 point. The cumulative
total over 10 rounds will determine the overall winner. Anyone may enter at any
point, starting with an equivalent point total of the lowest cumulative score
from the previous round. If a person misses a round, they'll receive the
minimum score from the round added to their cumulative total. In
each round you may specify one of your answers as your Joker answer. Your
score for this answer will be doubled.
In other words, if you apply your Joker to category 3 on a given turn,
and 4 other people give the same answer as you, you get 10 points instead of
5. Players who fail to submit a Joker
for any specific turn will have their Joker automatically applied to the first
category. And, if you want to submit some commentary with your answers, feel
free to. The game will consist of 10 rounds. A prize will be awarded to the winner.
Round 9 Categories
