January 2010

By Douglas Kent, 11111 Woodmeadow Pkwy #2327, Dallas, TX 75228

Email: doug of whiningkentpigs.com or diplomacyworld of yahoo.com

On the web at http://www.whiningkentpigs.com – or go directly to the Diplomacy section at http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/. Also be sure to visit the official Diplomacy World website which can be found at http://www.diplomacyworld.net. Also remember to check out http://www.helpfulkitty.com for official Toby the Helpful Kitty news, advice column, blog, and links to all his available merchandise! Links to many of the books and DVDs reviewed can be found by clicking on the Amazon Store button in the main menu of the Whining Kent Pigs website. Or go to http://www.guysexplained.com where women can learn all the secrets of how a man’s mind works, and why they act the way they do.

All Eternal Sunshine readers are encouraged to join the free Eternal Sunshine Yahoo group at http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/eternal_sunshine_diplomacy/ to stay up-to-date on any subzine news or errata. We also have our own Eternal Sunshine Twitter feed at http://www.twitter.com/EternalSunshDip

Quote Of The Month – “I'm Clementine... No jokes about my name.” (Clementine in “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”)

Welcome to Eternal Sunshine, the only Diplomacy publication that I know of which is currently sanctioned by the Global Diplomacy Alliance (although I think Diplomacy World will be soon as well). I hope everybody enjoyed their holidays. Down here in Dallas we actually had a White Christmas, the first one in something like 80 years. There wasn’t MUCH snow, but it was pretty in the morning, and for a Yankee like me a nice change of pace from the usual oddball weather we get (sometimes it will be 20 degrees, other times 60).

Heather gave me some nice gifts; many of them were on my Amazon wish list. We both try to keep things updated there to make gift buying easy…and neither of us care much if a book of DVD or CD is used instead of new. Just depends on what is cheaper after shipping (sometimes if you ordering a few things, it’s cheaper to buy new at Amazon.com with super-saver free shipping then to buy used from Amazon, eBay, or half.com. Oh, which gives me the chance to remind all readers – again – that if you’re going to order something from Amazon, go to www.diplomacyworld.net or www.whiningkentpigs.com first and click on the Amazon links there. We only get a couple of percent referral fee, but it adds up and helps pay for the websites. And it doesn’t cost you anything.)

Shopping for Heather is quite easy, since she loves books more than anything else. She’s been on this Edward Lee kick lately, with his splatter-gore, but usually inserts a “good” book on animals or a straight novel in between fright-fests. So I think 80% of what I gave her were books, along with a few DVDs, CDs, and other presents. Then, while she left to spend time with her mother, and later with her daughter, I killed my back and my neck giving her what was near the top of her private wish list: I went through all of my belongings in our closet, throwing away stuff, filling up my trunk with donations for the animal shelter, and piling up some books to sell at Half Price books. I was so sore afterward that I could barely cut everything to cook her Christmas dinner (beef tenderloin, hasselback potatoes, and her favorite “Verne Lee” green beans). But in the end everything worked out, even if I am crippled for life now.

As I’m typing this (Sunday the 27^th) I am watching my New York Football Giants get pummeled by the Carolina Panthers, all but eliminating any slight playoff hopes they had (unless the Cowboys decide to lose to a Redskins team that we beat with a sledgehammer the week before, in which case there is still a glimmer of hope). You never know what to hope for when you are both a Giants fan and a Cowboy hater. Really, the most enjoyable thing for me is when the Cowboys lose; especially if they make it to the playoffs and lose there, because that increases the odds that Jerry Jones will accept the status quo and allow Cowboy fans to suffer through yet ANOTHER year of Wade Phillips as head coach. So what do you wish for: a miracle Cowboy implosion where they miss the playoffs, or let them make it in as a wild card just to lose in the first round? It’s a hard choice. Fortunately, my wishing one way or the other has no effect.

I don’t have any major zine news to report. This issue we see columns from Jack McHugh, Paul Milewski, and the return of Andy York. The games continue, and I haven’t bothered to add any new game openings this time around. The Movie Quote Contest progresses to Round 2; if you haven’t joined in the fun yet, do so! Once this thing gets posted to the internet, I will turn my focus to Diplomacy World #108, which is due out soon after the New Year (and which you’ll be able to find at www.diplomacyworld.net once it is finished).

That’s it for this month. Hopefully the low level of participation this time around is holiday-induced, and you’ll come back to life shortly. See you in February!

The Month’s Playlist: Heart – Dog and Butterfly; Heart – Dreamboat Annie; Anna Ternheim – Leaving on a Mayday; ELO – Strange Magic; U2 – Boy.

Fire and Rain – Part Two

As Mara began to lose weight, my own life was facing major stress. Work was a nightmare; I had left a job where I was busting my ass 60 or more hours a week, and was now making more money but with nearly the same hours, and much more daily stress. I was drinking more than I wanted to, my relationship with my girlfriend seemed to be going nowhere, and even with the additional income I wasn’t able to put anything in the bank. I’d developed a twitch in my eye, I was sleeping badly, and I left work every day feeling like I’d been punched in the stomach. Taking time off was out of the question, the business itself was slowly fading into obscurity, and the office was a constant firestorm of shouting matches and fits by the various owners. I’d gone to my doctor to see what he thought, and he simply put me on some type of antidepressant to combat a bit of the stress. I noticed no difference in my mood or my outlook on life. I was simply miserable.

At home I was paying all the bills while my girlfriend finished Cosmetology School, but I wasn’t feeling any appreciation for how I was treating her like a princess. Instead there was just the constant pressure of making ends meet. I was giving Mara money every month to help her out, as best as I could, and I still felt a tremendous emotional obligation to her. Whenever Mara called, either on my cell or my “private” home phone (because I didn’t want the two women in my life to go at each other), I would find time to listen to her, to laugh with her if we had something to laugh about, to tell her how the cats were doing…and most of all, to try and be as understanding as I could be when she told me about her problems and the complications of her life. I knew that, since her only other emotional support was coming from her family, she was in desperate need of someone who would listen instead of waving her feelings away like an annoying gnat.

As much as I had hoped for good news, whenever Mara called it was anything but. Her sexual and mental issues were reasserting themselves, and gaining strength. Yet she refused to discuss them with her family, especially her sister (whose basement she was living in). Mara’s sister was not ready to handle any mental issues; as it was they could barely get along with each other. They were always fighting over something: privacy issues, money, the lack of air conditioning in the basement, respect (or lack of it), thanks and appreciation (or lack of it). As sisters they had never gotten along anyway – they were VERY different personality types – and Mara living in the basement of her sister’s made her feel indebted in a way she was not happy with. Likewise, her sister felt that since Mara was living in her house, she had the right to boss Mara around when she wanted to. All in all it was an unhappy arrangement, and more than once Mara called me crying, asking if she could come back to Texas and live with me “just as roommates.” I found the strength to say no, but I always felt like such a piece of shit for doing it, even though I knew that if we were ever to live together again in any capacity it would lead to more of the same behavior patterns we’d dealt with: her self-destruction and by enabling. As guilty as everything about Mara made me feel, I wasn’t about to put myself through that wood chipper again.

The worst of Mara’s problems was the re-emergence of her inability to refuse sexual advances from men she encountered. The scars from years of sexual abuse she had suffered had never healed, and looking back I don’t think enough emphasis was ever put on them in her countless therapy sessions. Some of the blame for that could be placed on my shoulders, but I did the best I could with what I knew at the time. Keeping Mara going was hard enough…keeping her going on an upward trajectory was nearly impossible. Now that she had to do a lot of this on her own, it looked the spiral downward would resume; the better she got physically, the worse her life and mental state became.

Details from Mara were often sketchy, or perhaps I’ve blocked some of them out. I do remember when she confided to me that she’d begun sexual relations with one of the Handi-Ride bus drivers that took her to and from appointments. If they were alone in the bus, she’d often gratify his sexual urges one way or another. And while she tried to make light of it to me, as if it was something she chose to do in some sort of sexual reawakening, the mere fact that she even mentioned it was proof enough that she hated herself for what she was doing. But despite my suggestions that she try to get more therapy for these issues, Mara rejected the idea. Her sister had made it rather clear that if she was to suffer any kind of mental regression, Mara would have to find somewhere else to live. So Mara’s world of secrets and lies was reborn, the same world she lived in as a child and as an abuse victim. Not surprisingly, I became more miserable about her situation and my inability to do anything to help, except listen. In my mind, Mara was and always would be my responsibility…not just because I had accepted that position when we married, but also because her family (through actions rather than words) had always made it pretty clear that they preferred to rationalize her conditions and pretend everything was fine, unless they were thrust into a sudden crisis like her previous suicide attempt. And then, once out of the hospital, they’d go back to the stance that she was okay again. Their shifting of blame, directly and indirectly, onto my shoulders was always another red-not poker driven into my stomach, and my heart.

One day I received the phone call from Mara that I had been dreading; she was unsure where she would be living, but it wouldn’t be with her sister any longer. Apparently she had gotten upset and cut one of her thighs up. The cuts were small, and not deep, but quite numerous. As usual Mara tried to play it down as not a big deal, but the damage was done. As she called me, her sister was on the phone with her parents, and they conferring on what the next step should be with their troubled relative. I knew that moving in with her parents was completely out of the question. But they were holding their private little phone conference, deciding Mara’s fate, without asking for any input from her. I don’t know if she was in a position to offer anything but roadblocks, but it did hurt me to think that she had – once again – lost control of her life.

And, as I always did, I couldn’t help but think that if I’d stuck it out longer, and Mara and I were still together, maybe things would be better for her. Not necessarily for me, but at least for her.

Last month, we gave you these two hypotheticals: #1. You need work. An employer whose workers are on strike offers you a job. Do you take it? #2. While a house guest, you accidentally crack an expensive china vase. It is unlikely anyone will notice while you are there. Do you remain silent?

Melinda Holley - #1 – No.  Coming as I do from a strong union family, do you know how many ghosts would haunt me if I did that!? #2 – No.  I confess to the accident and offer to make reparations. 

Andy York - #1 - I likely would. I'm not a big fan of unions (though, I'll admit that I've had little personal experience with them) and feel that most "serious" reasons to strike can be addressed by other means - safety issues, go to OSHA (or applicable government oversight agencies); discrimination, go to the Human Rights Commission; or the courts for just about anything. Differences over most anything else can be addressed by "voting with your feet". If the pay isn't what you want, move on to another employeer; don't like shift work, move to a "day" position, etc. At one time, unions and strikes played a significant role in defining workplace conditions; however, in this day and age, there are other recourses and controls (rules/regulations) that can be used to redress employer excesses. #2 - No, I did it and I need to take responsibility for my actions or my negligence. That being said, in the heat of the moment, I might neglect to say anything (the "Oh Crap, oh crap..." response). However, if I did do that, I would fess up once I'd gotten over the knee-jerk response. It really is no different than leaving a note if you accidentally backed into someone in a parking lot.

Jack McHugh - #1 - Depends on the job. If it was a management (non-union) job, sure. If it wasn’t I wouldn’t take it since I’d have to work with the strikers. #2 – I would speak up as I wouldn’t want someone else blamed. Besides, it might be insured.

Heather Taylor - #1 – It all depends on what the workers are on strike for. If I feel they have good cause I would not want to cross the line, because I would be helping to perpetuate the bad situation going on. If this was the difference between my child starving or not, I’d take the job regardless. #2 – I’d think about it for a split second and try to convince myself to remain silent. Then I’d fold and I’d tell the truth.

For Next Month (For the time being, I am selecting questions from the game “A Question of Scruples” which was published in 1984 by High Games Enterprises). Remember you can make your answers as detailed as you wish.: #1. You have lived with a wealthy “benefactor” for five years. You break up. Do you demand a palimony settlement? #2. You work at a bank. Another employee is blamed for your error involving thousands of dollars. You cannot be traced. Do you own up?

Sherlock Holmes – In general, the modern-day action film leaves me cold. The plot and dialogue are secondary to the CGI sequences and other special effects. Marketing of the film in other countries brings in a good percentage of revenue, so the less the film relies on dialogue the better. Still, I have been a lifelong fan of Arthur Conan Doyle’s consulting detective, and director Guy Ritchie has entertained me quite a bit with some of his past work. Previous film incarnations have been rather sterile in my view, although I do recall enjoying “Young Sherlock Holmes” quite a few years ago, and “The Seven-Percent Solution” had its moments, but the preview for this new release gave me a bit of hope. So we decided to give Sherlock Holmes a try.

Overall, it was a decent movie. I liked it, although I can’t say that I loved it. As I mentioned, Robert Downey, Jr. plays Holmes, with Jude Law his companion Dr. Watson. As the film unfolds, Watson is planning on moving out of their Baker Street rooms and marrying his sweetheart (those of you who read the books know that this does not fall outside of Doyle’s direction). Along with everything else going on along the way, Holmes takes any available opportunity to draw Watson back into his cases, and hopefully back into Baker Street. The bickering between two friends with opposite goals is part of the charm this version holds. Rather than being constantly submissive, Law’s Watson refuses to be bullied (but can certainly be manipulated on occasion, when he doesn’t see it coming).

The case Holmes is following involves Lord Blackwood (Mark Strong), who is caught in the attempt of murdering his sixth victim in a typical cultish/mystic sacrifice. Holmes and Watson stop the process, Inspector Lestrade and his men arrive to arrest Blackwood, and he is sentenced to hang for his crimes. Before he dies, he warns Holmes that this is only the beginning, and that there are powers far beyond mortal men involved.

Soon afterward, it seems that Lord Blackwood has been resurrected from the dead, and Holmes is called in to solve the case. Watson tags along, often while protesting or questioning his own sanity. I won’t divulge any plot points from here forward, except to say that Holmes utilizes his usual keep powers of observation, as well as physical strength. In sequences where Holmes is about to attack an adversary, we are treated in Guy Ritchie fashion to a blow-by-blow analysis in Holmes’ brain, dissecting his opponent and determining exactly how the fight will go before it even takes place. I did find some of the trademark Ritchie quick cuts and slow/fast sequences to be more irritating then enjoyable, pulling me out of the story rather than further into it. But overall the action is fun and necessary within the plot.

Downey’s Holmes has a quick wit, a sarcastic and somewhat childish sense of humor, and is unkempt most of the time we see him on screen. Holmes’ notorious drug habit is never discussed, although his romantic side is touched upon, with the introduction of Irene Adler (Rachel McAdams) – a con artist who has bested Holmes twice in the past, in part by using his affections against him. Her reasons for being in London, and for approaching Holmes, are revealed a piece at a time in a subplot.

If you’ve never read the original Holmes stories, I suggest you do so. But in the meantime, you could do worse than watching the film itself.

See Edwin Turnage’s review of “A Serious Man” in the Letter Column.

Seen on DVD – The Great Buck Howard (B-, not as good as I hoped, but probably about what I expected. Could have been a really good film, I think, but instead fell rather flat. Based in large part on a character inspired by The Amazing Kreskin). Bones – Season 4 (B, the show continues to be enjoyable, but as with prior seasons both the first and last episodes were a beating). A Haunting in Connecticut (C-; we thought this was an actual film, not just a long episode of the TV series A Haunting. While we enjoy that show, the episodes are shorter and easier to get through. This was simply too long and boring for its own good.)

Dane Maslen: Yes, that film Per Westling referred to was Galaxy Quest, though of course it wasn't the Star Trek crew but the Galaxy Quest crew.  I saw it when it first came out and found it enjoyable.  Subsequently it appears to have acquired cult status.

I found part 1 of 'Fire and Rain' very interesting.  The world seems to be full of people who believe that someone else should have done more in some situation or other.  I'm the reverse, always being impressed by just how much people do do in difficult circumstances.

[[In my case, I always think *I* should have done more, but rarely assign that same level of standard to others.]]

Edwin Turnage: “A Serious Man” Review - The Coen Brothers Dark Comedy

The movie, A Serious Man, is set in the late 1960s in suburban Minnesota. The main character, a physics professor named Larry Gopnick, struggles with a withering array of troubles.

The movie was written and directed by Joel and Ethan Coen (Coen Brothers). The Coen Brothers are known for producing a fairly long list of screwball movie comedies. The most well-known to me is the 1996 film Fargo. If you saw that film, you have an idea of the feel for A Serious Man, although except for the setting, the two movies are not at all similar.

The theme of the movie is captured by the first two lines in the lyrics of the Jefferson Airplane song, Somebody to Love: “When the truth is found to be lies; and all the joy within you dies; don't you want somebody to love?”

A Serious Man is a comedy, but it is a black comedy because it raises difficult questions about God's justice. It is loosely based on the Bible story of Job. The main character, Gopnick, is beset with troubles like Job. Similar to Job, he struggles to figure out why he is having so many problems. He keeps saying, "but I didn't do anything," suggesting he is innocent and should not deserve to be punished. The characters in the movie are confronted with tragedies . . . perhaps linked to immoral acts.

The question of why God allows the innocent to suffer injury is difficult to understand. We would like to know why innocent people to suffer harm. However, the reality of life is that there is injustice. The theme of Job is that perceived injustice of life cannot be understood from a human perspective. That’s the message God delivers to Job in the Bible. That's also the philosophical question A Serious Man addresses.

The Coen Brothers movie presents the question of why? again and again in the movie. The surprising ending does not provide any answers and suggests ambiguity.

A Serious Man is off-putting because of the strong language and frequent use of recreational drugs. More troubling, however, is that the movie suggests that finding the truth is hopeless. Just as Grace Slick sings in the Jefferson Airplane song. However, as posted elsewhere here, the song is wrong.

However, A Serious Man is funny, and more importantly, a thought provoking movie. On balance, the film is worth seeing because it makes you consider the philosophical question of why injustice exists. Just don't expect the Coen Brothers movie to provide any answers.

[[I’m always eager to print movie reviews from any ES readers…just send them in!]]

Jim Burgess: Some comments on stuff...If you do get interest in Kremlin, I'll fill it out, but don't count this as a "hey, why don't you start a Kremlin game", just proof that I actually read your crap.  I always read your stories about Mara, this seems to have taken about two layers off the covers of the previous version. And your "screenplay with Heather" while not unexpected is really filmable stuff.

[[Wow, compliments? I think you meant to email this to someone else…]]

Andy York: No specific notes on the conclusion of the "How I Met Heather" play nor on the beginning of the "Mara Chapter of Doug's Life". Just, again, kudos on taking the steps to delve into these periods of your life - and in sharing them with the world.

[[Thanks Andy.]]

Brain Farts: The Only Subsubzine With It’s Own Fragrance

By Jack “Flapjack” McHugh – jack@diplomacyworld.net

(or just email Doug and he’ll send it to me)

Issue #14

As crappy as life has been lately, with work and financial problems and my smelly feet, I was very happy to see how many people signed up for my By Popular Demand game. Doug the Sackie-poo is always bitching like a pre-menstrual woman about how hard it is to get people to participate in things. I guess his problem is the ideas he comes up with suck. He’s also a whine bag.

So, before I give you some jokes to get you through the beginning of a new year (ugh, another one? It seems like I go through this crap every twelve months) let me go ahead and adjudicate the turn, and give you categories for next time. My layout won’t be all fancy schmancy but you should be able to see what’s going on.

Adult’s-Only By Popular Demand

The players so far: Heather Taylor (HT), Mark D Lew (MDL), Martin Burgdorf (MB), John David Galt (JDG), Kevin Wilson (KW), Paraic Reddington (PR), Michael Moulton (MM), Bill Brown (BB), Brendan Whyte (BW).

Round 1 categories and responses:

1. What age women lose their virginity. 16 – MDL, MB, KW, MM, BB; 15 – HT; 14 – JDG; 18 – PR; 6 - BW

2. A curse besides Fuck. Shit/Shite – HT, MDL, MB, PR, MM, BB, BW; Bite Me – JDG; God Damn - KW

3. An animal people have been arrested for having sex with. Sheep – HT, MDL, MB, PR, BB; None – JDG; Dog – KW; Horse – MM; Chicken - BW

4. A popular actress who has taken her top off in a movie. Halle Berry – MB, KW, PR; Angelina Jolie – MM, BB; Kate Winslet – HT; Jamie Lee Curtis – MDL; Goldie Hawn – JDG; Susan Sarandon - BW

5. A porn magazine (past or current) besides Playboy or Penthouse. Hustler – HT, MDL, MB, KW, PR, MM, BB, BW; Oui - JDG

Scores: Martin Burgdorf (MB) – 28, Bill Brown (BB) - 27, Mark D Lew (MDL) - 26, Paraic Reddington (PR) - 24, Michael Moulton -(MM) - 23, Heather Taylor (HT) - 22, Brendan Whyte (BW) – 18, Kevin Wilson (KW) - 18, John David Galt (JDG) – 5.

Round 2 Categories:

1. A sexual position other than Missionary.
2. A male porn star, past or present.
3. A repulsive sexual fetish.
4. A food product used in sexual activity.
5. A flavor of edible panties.

Deadline will be the Friday before Doug’s deadline, which means this month it will be January 22nd at midnight.

Okay, now on to some humor before I go watch the Eagles try and lock up the NFC East. I’m torn though – if they do well, that means (barring a coronary) Andy Reid will be back for another season. Oh well, the important thing is they kick the Cowgirls collective asses during the last game of the year, the same way we embarrassed them last year. Losers.

A young man was planning to get married and asked his doctor how he could tell if his bride is a virgin. The doctor said, 'Well, you need three things. A can of red paint, a can of blue paint and a shovel..' The man was astonished and asked, 'So what do I do with these?' The doctor replied, 'Before the wedding night, you paint your one ball red and the other ball blue. If she says, 'That's the strangest pair of balls I ever saw', you hit her over the head with the shovel.'.

An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.   There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the  other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.

Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a  very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."

The priest replies: "Get out. You're on my side."

Finally, another paint joke (and a blonde joke to boot)…consider it Home Improvement Month or something.

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. So, she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a heavy parka and a leather jacket at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she if OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing and she replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb, and she wanted to do it by painting the house.

He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said For Best Results, Use Two Coats.

What’s Wrong With Diplomacy?

By Paul Milewski

To me the greatest shortcoming of the game is what appears to me to be its basic economic assumptions involving extended warfare: that a country can carry on warfare on a large scale indefinitely and that expanding your territory through conquest is, for lack of a better term, profitable. (The same principle seems to underlie the typical bourse game.) In other words, it is based on the notion that going to war is a good idea. Oddly enough, the historical record indicates that educated, sensible people felt that way back then. I am currently reading a book about the so-called Christmas Truce that spontaneously occurred in 1914 on the Western Front. There’s a chapter describing Englishmen eager to enlist to be sent to France to fight right away, afraid they’d be “left out” from what was clearly expected to be an enjoyable, rewarding experience. Of course, in 1900 there was a consensus that the country that started the warfare should pay reparations to the country that merely defended itself (which in practice boils down to the loser paying reparations to the winner), and this continued at least through the Treaty of Versailles. As a practical matter, warfare on the scale that broke out in August 1914 exhausts a country after just a few years, and had a German scientist not figured out a way to produce nitrate on a commercial scale, Germany would literally have run out of ammunition, as the one of the first things the British did when war broke out was to cut off German access to supplies of naturally deposited nitrates overseas, particularly in South America. I have read the (to me, convincing) argument that the French Revolution is to some extent attributable to France bankrupting its royal treasury supporting the American Revolution to spite the British, but history is replete with examples of royal treasuries being disastrously depleted by expensive wars. In WWI, France did what the United States is doing today: finance a prolonged and major conflict by borrowing instead of taxing. For that matter, many Americans don’t realize that wartime rationing of various commodities continued in Great Britain for years after the end of WWII. The idea of a war that affects all of Europe that starts in 1901 dragging on into the 1920’s is ridiculous. One of the most sensible things in the rulebook, which I’ve never seen in the hobby, is agreeing that the game will only continue for a limited length of time and that whoever is ahead at that point will be the winner. I think most military historians would agree that WWI was a war of attrition: you basically dug in and hoped your opponent would wear out before you did, with a disregard for the cost in human lives. Even by the time of WWI, there was basically no process for finding out if a loved one had died or was missing—you simply didn’t hear from him again.

The carnage of the First World War was on a scale almost unimaginable. One of the largest, if not the the largest, ossuaries in the world (a place where bones are kept) is near the old Western Front. I copied and pasted this from the Wikipedia website, but I had read about it elsewhere before:

“The Douaumont ossuary is a memorial containing the remains of soldiers who died on the battlefield during the Battle of Verdun in World War I. It is located in Douaumont, France, near Verdun. During the 300 days of the Battle of Verdun (21 February 1916–19 December 1916) approximately 230,000 men died out of a total of 700,000 casualties (dead, wounded and missing). The battle became known as the "Verdun mincing machine" and was conducted on a battlefield covering less than twenty square kilometers. The ossuary is a memorial containing the remains of soldiers who died on the battlefield. Through small windows, the remains of 130,000 unidentified French and German soldiers can actually be seen filling small, windowed alcoves around the edge of the building. Inside, the ceiling and walls are covered by some of the names of soldiers who fell in the battle of Verdun. Some of the names are from the fighting in the area in WWII. The families of the individual soldiers recognized here paid for their plaques. In front of the monument lies the largest cemetery of France outside Paris with 25,000 graves. The ossuary was officially inaugurated on 7 August 1932 by French President Albert Lebrun.”

Next to that, I find the idea of convoyed attacks very hard to swallow. The only example of which I am aware of what might be called, with a stretch of the imagination, a convoyed attack in WWI is Gallipoli in Turkey. If you read the history, you find that the British and allied troops met no opposition on the beaches, “disembarked” often by literally walking down ramps from the ships. This wasn’t like D-Day or the Marines taking a Pacific island from entrenched Japanese in WWII, and the effort at Gallipoli was a dismal failure for everyone involved except the Turks. I might be willing to believe unopposed convoys to vacant coastal provinces, but dislodging a unit by a (supported) convoyed attack seems beyond the realm of believability.

Finally, and perhaps most bizarre, is the whole notion of the “stab.” Modern warfare depends on ingrained animosities and prejudices, usually inflamed by outrageous propaganda. People hate each other. You just don’t switch sides at the drop of a hat. To be realistic, alliances formed at first should be binding, with no greater option available than “making a separate peace” or essentially dropping out of the conflict and even that should be an irrevocable act.

Out of the WAY #14

by W. Andrew York

(wandrew88 of gmail.com)

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Sorry to have missed last month. As they say, “a perfect storm” of events combined to keep me from finishing things up without unduly delaying Doug’s publishing schedule....and no one wants to get between Doug and his schedule! But, that break gave me a little time to work on some other projects (such as getting Christmas tasks done!), though I’m still behind on a number of other things (so what’s new, right?).

Below are all of the usual bits and pieces - for once, no one guessed the word in Hangman and a letter was actually revealed. Though, see Dane’s and Mark’s commentary. Did they use the same press release (lame attempt to use some political humor - referencing those politicians in Washington who quoted, verbatim, from the same industry promotional material in their support of a bill).

Best wishes for an Amazing 2010 to all of you - and the sincere hope that the coming decade is an improvement on the decade we are leaving behind!

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Poll Question

Each month a question will be posed to the readership. Your thoughts and commentary are solicited for the next issue. Also, any response to

what folks have submitted for the previous question are very welcome.

This issue: With ten (count ‘em ten!) films to be in the running for “Best Picture” Oscar, which ones

from 2009 do you think are worthy of being included?

[Doug Kent] I simply haven’t seen (or haven’t YET seen) many of the films considered in the running for “Best Picture.” Many haven’t even

seen wide release yet. So I will include A Serious Man only by someone else’s opinion, although we are going to see it. I’ll include

Inglorious Basterds and District 9 as films which will make the cut AND which I think should...and for films which I think should

but won’t, I’d list Whatever Works, Away We Go and Is Anybody there. 10 is too many films for this list, and since many haven’t

been shown here yet it is very hard to judge.

[WAY] I agree with you that ten films is way too many, though for those that count the profits, being able to put “Oscar Nominee” in front of a

film’s title can only mean more green for them. As for films that should be up for best picture, and keeping in mind the wide net of

ten, I’ll have to include, from those I’ve seen, ‘Inglorious Basterds,’ ‘Up,’ ‘District 9,’ ‘Star Trek,’ ‘The Reader (or was that last

year),’ and ‘Where the Wild Things Are.’ Of those I have yet to see ‘The Road,’ ‘Precious,’ ‘Hurt Locker,’ and ‘Up in the Air’. I’m

sure there are others that haven’t come through Austin, or I missed, that are more deserving. It’ll be interesting to see what ones

actually get nominated.

For next issue: What award or prize (Pulitzer, Obie, Nobel, Oscar, MVP of a sport, etc) would you most

want to achieve (yes, and why.....)?

===================================

Babylon 5 Quote

In No Compromises:

Byron: “Where is it written that all of our dreams must be small ones?”

Source: But In Purple...I’m Stunning! by J. Michael Straczynski, edited by Sara “Samm” Barnes, copyright 2008.

The Month in History

December 27-January 6 – A Finnish offensive shatters or surrounds a number of Soviet divisions, inflicting significant casualties while only

incurring minor losses. However, the lack of heavy equipment (artillery, armor) limits the overall effect on the Russian forces.

January – Having only 32 operational U-boats (with only 20-25% of the total actively patrolling at any given time), they account for 40 ships

out of 73 sunk during the month

January 7, 1940 – Shaking up command of the stalled Soviet attack on Finland, General Timoshenko is appointed as overall commander.

Implementing new tactics, along with additional equipment including more tanks, artillery, the pressure is increased all along the

front.

January 8, 1940 – Rationing begins in Britain for bacon, butter and sugar.

January 10, 1940 – After an errant German plane lands in Belgium, the plans for their attack on the West fall into the Allies’ hands. So, instead

of the planned overall repeat of the attack that failed during World War I, an ambitious alternative strike is implemented. When the

attack occurs in May, the low countries and France fall in a matter of weeks.

January 11, 1940 – France declares “Meatless Fridays” and restricts the sale of beef, veal and mutton on Mondays or Tuesdays.

January 23, 1960 – Two men dive to the deepest anyone has gone under the seas - seven miles and find fish living at the bottom of the ocean.

January 24, 1950 – The microwave oven is patented (need I say more....).

January 25, 1890 – Neillie Bly completes her around the world journey in just 72 days, 6 hours and 11 minutes.

Sources include: current issue of Smithsonian; The World Almanac Book of World War II edited by Peter Young

===================================

Letter Column

(always welcome, send them in!)

[Per Westling] Good to be back! I don’t know if I ever told you why I dropped out of the hobby? [WAY] Nope, you just faded away - I do

miss your “Lepanto 4-Ever!” [Per] Well, I only got one question so it might not be of interest.... Anyway, ‘99 was a difficult year on

a personal level. I switched jobs and moved to another city and stored my computer in a store waiting for inspiration to reappear. But

one day (or night, rather) we had a break-in and the computer was stolen. And I had - shamed to say - no backups of the information

on that computer.... So there went L4E. [WAY] I’ve had similar situations, not with theft, but with crashed hard drives and no

back-ups. It only took one, ok two, times that it happened for me to make back-ups.

[Per] Game to play? I’m pretty sure my English is not good enough to join Hangman, probably not good enough on that even if that would

be in my native language. Pandemic I would be willing to try; would it work as PBM? It could be nice to try a game where you

should cooperate instead of compete. [WAY] Well, I haven’t thought TOO much about PBM rules for Pandemic - I was waiting for a

nibble or two. So, I’ll start putting something together in the near future. Initial thoughts are that the dispatcher would be WAY too

difficult to use unless the players were unusually communicative. Game mechanics would be round robin Emails to each player in

order between issues, with the “current situation” presented in the issue. Any feedback from the readers?

[Per] “real train” - I prefer modern trains for many reasons. I live in a town where biogas is a big thing and they are trying to test to run

local commuter trains on biogas. No success so far, though. [WAY] Don’t say that too loudly, Austin has been working on getting a

commuter rail line going for a number of years. It is now almost two years behind schedule, they’ve raised the announced rates

considerably but are still not anywhere near implementing it - and they didn’t have to lay any tracks. If someone gets the bug to try

biogas it might be another two or three years before it actually starts running. Oh, and they are already talking of having a new bond

election to implement the next stage of commuter rail. I think it is going to be a hard sell....

===================================

Recipe of the Month

Recipe Philosophy: Except for baking, recipes are only suggestions. I rarely precisely measure, eyeballing most everything. The listed

measurements, for the most part, are estimates from the last time I made the recipe. Feel free to adjust to meet your personal tastes –

and remember, it is easier to add “more” of something than to compensate when “too much” has been added.

For ingredients, if you don’t like raw onions, omit them or replace with celery to retain the crunchiness. If you like food with more spice, add

an extra jalapeno or use habenaros instead. On the other hand, if you don’t like spicy food, replace the jalapeno with half a bell

pepper. Optional items are used when I’m looking for a variation or making it for individuals with specific preferences.

Green Beans with Mushrooms

version by W Andrew York

(last revised December 2009)

Ingredients:

1 lb Green Beans (ends removed, cut into 2-3” pieces)

1 pkg/8 oz Mushrooms (coarsely diced)

2 cloves Garlic (Minced)

1 small Onion (diced)

1/4 cup Butter

Olive Oil

Salt & Pepper

Steps:

1) Steam green beans for 10 minutes or until crisp/tender. Stop the cooking by blanching in ice water, then drain.

2) Heat olive oil in a pan over medium/high heat

3) Once hot, brown garlic and onions for 30 seconds

4) Add mushrooms and cook until mushrooms have are well browned

5) Remove from heat and drain off any extra oil

---the above can be done earlier in the day--

6) When just about ready to eat, reheat mushroom/onion mixture

7) When hot, add green beans and butter

8) After butter is melted and beans are heated through, season with salt & pepper before serving

Notes:

- Can use garlic infused olive oil for a bit extra kick (oil soaks into the mushrooms)

- Instead of olive oil in step 2, heat four or five slices of finely chopped bacon until fat rendered, remove bacon until step 7.

(note - if bacon is lean, you may need to add some olive oil)

- Can top with sliced, fried, shallots (slice shallots into half-moons, cook in oil until crisp, remove to paper towel until ready to top

dish).

===================================

Commentary

I’ve been reading The Federalist Papers. For those of you who don’t know, it is a series of essays, printed in newspapers, written by Alexander Hamilton, James Madison and John Jay in 1787 and 1788. The purpose of the essays was to convince the readership to support the proposed federal Constitution and replace the existing Articles of Confederation. Each of the 85 essays tackles a specific argument against accepting, or clarifies the reasoning behind certain points in, the Constitution. They provide a fascinating look into the logic behind the Constitution’s framing and many of the points and reasonings are extremely valid today. I’d recommend anyone read them for that insight, though I’d approach it in small bites rather than in one session (I read one essay a day).

Aside from the content, the language and presentation are things that really struck me. These are, basically, letters to the editors or op ed pieces intended for the general newspaper readership. Granted, the writers were learned men and they were writing primarily to the landed and educated class of citizens; however, I doubt today that any publication, outside of a scholarly journal, would even consider printing them. The concepts presented, in many cases, have an abstract element that doesn’t lend itself to straight forward understanding. Other times the arguments require thought, reflection and personal interpretation to digest what they are trying to say.

Further, the language used is probably mid-college level, not the seventh to eighth grade standard of newspapers today. In reading them, I’ve learned more than a couple of words and read “efficacy” more times in just one essay than I’ve probably ever seen in all the newspapers I’ve ever read.

Lastly, the writers presume the reader’s knowledge of classical history, literature and, for the time, the current state of European political affairs. Granted, today’s readership wouldn’t be expected to know the differences between France’s and England’s governments of the late 1700s; however, if written today, the writers would presume the readers would be generally familiar with the political climate around the world. Also, historical references are liberally used including various Greek and Roman governments, their leaders and philosophers, and the readership was expected to be versed in what and who they were.

What does this say about the educational state of America’s citizens - and the expectations we, as a society, have towards knowledge, learning and personal improvement? Are we shooting for the lowest common denominator, taking the safe choice, skipping the challenge for the sure bet? In doing so, are we missing out the on the chance to better ourselves, learn new skills, achieve new heights - and to fail, make mistakes, realize our limitations; and then work to overcome them to reach new heights?

And, I encourage anyone interested in the reasoning behind the US Constitution to pick up the Federalist Papers and read through them, think about them, one essay at a time. Who knows, you might even learn something or expand your personal horizons…

Game Section

Hangman, By Definition

This is a five round game, with each round consisting of a variable number of turns. The winner will be the person who wins the most rounds, with a tie breaker being fewest total number of turns in those winning rounds. Second tie breaker will be the most number of letters guessed (by total count revealed, not by individual letter).

Each round will consist of identifying a word of at least six letters. Along with each word will be the first definition given. Both words and definitions will be identified by blank spaces. Words and definitions are verified in a dictionary that was my high school graduation gift (slight hint to those who might want to find the edition). [[Note – for the first round of this game, an online source was used]]

The goal is to guess the word in as few turns as possible. Each turn, all players will submit one letter to be revealed. The letter submitted by the most players will be the letter revealed in the next turn. Ties will be broken by a random method. Additionally, each player should submit a guess for the word. Once the word is correctly identified (spelling is important), that round will end and a new round will begin. All players who guess the word in the same turn will share in the win for the round. If the word is not guessed by the end of six turns with no letter revealed, no one will win the round.

Along with revealing letters in the word, letters will be revealed in the definition. There are no bonus points for guessing any part of the definition, it is only there to help players figure out the word. No guesses about parts of the definition will be confirmed or displayed except by the letter revealed in that round. The letters “E” and “S” can never be chosen as the letter to be revealed..

Game 2, Round One, Turn Zero:

Letter Votes: A - 2 Revealed: A

Words Guessed: Doug Kent - Volcano

Solution:

Word: __ __ __ __ __ __ __

Definition: A __ __ __ __ __; __ __ __ __ __ __

Never Revealed: E, S Already Revealed: A

Game Words Correctly Guessed: None, yet

Player Comments:

[Mark Lew] I think you finally stumped us. I do find it a little interesting that it’s a noun which has two short definitions, one of which takes an indefinite article and one of which doesn’t. But I doubt that’s enough to go on.

In theory I want to at least have a plausible definition that fits for anything I would guess, and the fact that I can’t easily dream one up tells me the given information actually does limit it quite a bit.

But I would have needed to spend more time on it and I never got around to it this month.

[Dane Maslen] Well, it’s fairly obviously a noun. The fact that one definition has the indefinite article in it while the other does not is probably something of a clue, but it’s not helping me at the moment. Let’s see what turns up.

Possible future game openings - Railway Rivals, Empire Builder, Liftoff!, Pandemic (Westling)

Suggestions accepted for other games to offer.

===================================

Deadline for the Next Issue of Out of the WAY:

January 23, 2010 at 7:00am – See You Then!

Game entries, letters of comment and other material can be sent to:

wandrew88 at gmail.com; or by post to: W. Andrew York; POB 201117; Austin TX 78720-1117

Diplomacy (Black Press – Permanent Opening in ES): Signed up: None, needs seven to fill.

Gunboat Diplomacy (Black Press): Signed up: One, need six more to fill. Sign up now!

Diplomacy Bourse (Black Press): Buy and sell the currencies of the Diplomacy nations. This Bourse is using the new game “Dulcinea” as its basis. Players may join at any time (one just joined this issue), and are then given 1000 units of every currency still in circulation. The rules to Bourse can be found in ES #24.

By Popular Demand: Game currently underway, join any time.

Adult’s Only By Popular Demand: Game in Jack’s sub-subzine “Brain Farts.” Join any time.

Eternal Sunshine Movie Quote Quiz: 10 rounds, join any time. You can find it at the end of the zine.

Standby List: HELP! I need standby players! – Current standby list: Graham Wilson, Jim Burgess (Dip only), Jeremie Lefrancois (Dip only), Lance Anderson (Dip only), Martin Burgdorf, Paul Milewski (Dip only), and whoever I beg into it in an emergency.

I may offer another Gunboat 7x7 soon, so keep your eyes open. I’m also considering variants like Cline 9-Man (one player has shown interest so far), Youngstown, or Woolworth. Does anybody have an interest in Kremlin? If somebody wants to guest-GM a game of anything, just say the word. If you have specific game requests please let me know.

Diplomacy “Wouldn’t It Be Nice?” 2008A, Winter 08

Seasons Separated by Player Request

Austria (Kevin Wilson - ckevinw “of” comcast.net): Retreats A Rumania - Ukraine. Remove A Silesia. Has

A Galicia, F Greece, F Ionian Sea, A Serbia, A Ukraine, A Vienna, A Warsaw.

England (Jérémie LeFrançois - jeremie.lefrancois “of”gmail.com): Build A Edinburgh, A Liverpool,

A London. Has F Belgium, F Berlin, F Denmark, A Edinburgh, F Holland, F Irish Sea, A Kiel, A Liverpool,

A Livonia, A London, F Mid-Atlantic Ocean, F North Atlantic Ocean, A Sevastopol.

France (William Wood – woodw “of” offutt.af.mil): Has A Gascony, A Paris.

Germany (Graham Wilson – grahamaw “of” rogers.com): Remove A Prussia, A Bohemia, A Burgundy.

Has A Ruhr.

Italy (Don Williams – dwilliam “of” fontana.org): Build A Rome.. Has F Gulf of Lyon, A Marseilles,

F North Africa, F Spain(nc), F Western Mediterranean, A Rome.

Turkey (Brad Wilson - bwdolphin146 “of”yahoo.com): Build A Ankara. Has F Aegean Sea, A Ankara,

F Black Sea, A Constantinople, F Rumania.

Spring 09 Deadline is January 26th at 7:00am my time

Diplomacy “Dulcinea” 2008C, Winter 05

Seasons Separated by Player Request

Austria (Stephen Agar – stephen “of” stephenagar.com): Has F Adriatic Sea, A Galicia, A Piedmont,

A Tyrolia, A Venice, A Vienna, A Warsaw.

England (Philip Murphy trekkypj “of” gmail.com): Build F London. Has A Brest, F English Channel, F London,

F Mid-Atlantic Ocean, F North Atlantic Ocean, F Norwegian Sea, A St Petersburg.

France (Brad Wilson – bwdolphin146 ”of” yahoo.com): Remove A Picardy. Has A Paris, F Portugal.

Germany (William Wood – woodw “of” Offutt.af.mil): Has A Belgium, A Bohemia, F Livonia, A Munich,

A Ruhr, A Silesia.

Italy (Melinda Holley – genea5613 “of” aol.com): Has A Marseilles, F Spain(sc), F Western Mediterranean.

Turkey (Jim Burgess – jfburgess “of” gmail.com): Build F Constantinople, F Smyrna. Has F Aegean Sea,

F Constantinople, F Ionian Sea, A Moscow, F Naples, F Rome, F Sevastopol, F Smyrna, A Tuscany.

Spring 06 Deadline is January 26th at 7:00am my time

PRESS

Anonymous: The Hapsburgs are coming, RUN AWAY!!!!

“Dulcinea” Diplomacy Bourse

Billy Ray Valentine: No activity.

Duke of York: Sells 50 Francs. Buys 35 Piastres.

Smaug the Dragon: Sells 500 Pounds, 500 Francs. Buys 1250 Crowns, 1000 Marks.

Rothschild: Sells 500 Francs. Buys 346 Piastres.

Baron Wuffet: No activity.

Wooden Nickel Enterprises: Sells 500 Pounds, 500 Francs, 500 Lira. Buys 360 Crowns, 361 Marks, 500 Piastres.

VAIONT Enterprises: Sells 500 Marks, 500 Lira. Buys 739 Crowns.

Insider Trading LLC: Sells 500 Lira, 500 Marks. Buys 668 Pounds.

Bourse Master: NEW PLAYER! Sells 500 Crowns, 500 Francs, 500 Lire, and 500 Marks. Buys 377 Pounds and 503 Piastres.

Next Bourse Deadline is January 25th at 7:00pm my time

PRESS

SMAUG THE (NOT SO) MAGNIFICANT TO BERNIE MADOFF: Rouble futures indeed! Last time I take your advice! *snorts smoke* I'm so upset I can't even flame properly!

PRIME MINISTER TO SMAUG THE MAGNIFICENT - How's your piles... of Roubles? Ha!

SMAUG TO GM -> Special order - Burn 4750 Roubles. In a great big bonfire. Why did I think they wouldn't lose value when Russia dropped out? First to last!

SMAUG TO ROTHSCHILD: Sssshh! They may be listening! Talk down the pound... we can get it cheap that way ;)

Diplomacy “Just a Taste” 2009C, Fall 02

Austria (William Wood – woodw “of” offutt.af.mil): F Aegean Sea Supports A Greece – Bulgaria,

A Budapest – Rumania, A Greece - Bulgaria (*Bounce*), A Serbia Supports A Budapest – Rumania,

A Vienna - Galicia.

England (Robert Jewett – Robert_Jewett “of” navyfederal.org and robertjewett “of” yahoo.com):

F Barents Sea Supports A Norway, F North Sea Supports A Kiel – Holland,

A Norway Supports F Sweden (*Ordered to Move*), A St Petersburg - Moscow (*Fails*).

France (Paraic Reddington - Paraic.Reddington “of” vix-erg.com): A Belgium Hold,

A Burgundy – Marseilles, F Gulf of Lyon Convoys A Spain – Tuscany, F Mid-Atlantic Ocean Hold,

A Spain – Tuscany, F Western Mediterranean - Tyrrhenian Sea (*Bounce*).

Germany (Philip Murphy trekkypj “of” gmail.com): A Galicia – Warsaw, A Kiel – Holland,

A Prussia Supports A Galicia – Warsaw, F Sweden - Denmark.

Italy (Ian Pringle - pringle.ian “of” btinternet.com): F Eastern Mediterranean - Smyrna (*Bounce*),

F Ionian Sea - Tyrrhenian Sea (*Bounce*), A Tunis Hold, A Venice - Piedmont.

Russia (Don Williams – dwilliam “of” fontana.org): F Baltic Sea Supports F North Sea - Denmark (*Void*),

A Moscow Supports A Warsaw (*Cut*), F Sevastopol - Rumania (*Fails*),

A Warsaw Supports A Moscow (*Dislodged*, ret Ukraine, Livonia, Silesia, or OTB).

Turkey (Graham Wilson – grahamaw “of” rogers.com): A Armenia - Smyrna (*Bounce*),

F Black Sea - Bulgaria(ec) (*Bounce*), F Constantinople Supports F Black Sea - Bulgaria(ec),

A Rumania - Sevastopol (*Dislodged*, retreat Ukraine or OTB).

Autumn/Winter 1902 and Spring 1903 Deadline is January 26th at 7:00am my time

Supply Center Chart

Austria: Budapest, Greece, Rumania, Serbia, Trieste, Vienna=6, Build 1

England: Edinburgh, Liverpool, London, Norway, St Petersburg=5, Build 1

France: Belgium, Brest, Marseilles, Paris, Portugal, Spain=6, Even

Germany: Berlin, Denmark, Holland, Kiel, Munich, Sweden, Warsaw=7, Build 3

Italy: Naples, Rome, Tunis, Venice=4, Even

Russia: Moscow, Sevastopol=2, Remove 1 or 2 (depending on retreat)

Turkey: Ankara, Bulgaria, Constantinople, Smyrna=4, Even or Remove 1 (depending on retreat)

PRESS

Rueters: Rumours abound sightings of naked mermaids on the island of Cyprus. Italian and Austrian fleets head in immediately to investigate. The French navy expresses mild interest and sends a unit on a fact finding mission.

Despite the international crisis underway and the wars all over Europe, the French have maintained a peaceful attitude to foreign policy and have attacked no nation. The Belgians got what was coming to them and they deserve it for giving us waffles. The Swiss had better keep that infernal yodelling down or they're in for it. You have been warned Heidi!

- The Dauphin announces plans for his holiday festivities -

All of France can rejoice! The Dauphin has finally announced the menu for his upcoming Christmas ball!! The poor and diseased of Paris need no longer worry. To start guests will be presented with a terrine of jellied moose noses with a side of elderberries. The sorbet will be iced chocolate balls. The main course will consist of several small servings of cow udder eclairs (delightfully sauteed in a goat's milk butter). For dessert, guests will be thrilled with a cascading fondou of strawberry jam served over McVities digestive biscuits. During the meal all in attendance will be enthralled by the harmonious airs of the French national eunuch choir and amazed at the antics of the hilarious band of travelling one legged dancing monkeys that the regent has laid on.

The palace is disappointed that so many invitees have been unable to attend following distribution of the menu.

Austria -> Italy: Bet you feel a bit silly, eh?

TSAR to ARCHDUKE:  So sorry, my erstwhile friend.  It looks as if the Kaiser, the Sultan and the King are planning to have a Mad Tea Party to divvy up the silverware.  Not one of my better outing thus far … pity you sided with the wrong-colored blocks.  Hope you survive my collapse.

Austria -> France: Welcome to the med.  All of Italy is yours; we can talk about dividing up Austria.

White Press Diplomacy “Creepshow” 2009D, Spring 1901

Austria (Brad Wilson - bwdolphin146 “of”yahoo.com): A Budapest – Serbia, F Trieste – Albania,

A Vienna - Galicia (*Bounce*).

England (Chuy Cronin – chuykdc_92 “of” hotmail.com): F Edinburgh - Norwegian Sea,

A Liverpool – Yorkshire, F London - North Sea.

France (Michael Cronin – mfmcronin “of” q.com): F Brest - English Channel, A Marseilles – Spain,

A Paris - Picardy.

Germany (Pat Vogelsang – godawgsgo33 “of” yahoo.com): A Berlin – Kiel, F Kiel – Holland,

A Munich - Tyrolia (*Bounce*).

Italy (Graham Wilson – grahamaw “of” rogers.com): F Naples - Ionian Sea, A Rome - Venice (*Fails*),

A Venice - Tyrolia (*Bounce*).

Russia (Kevin Wilson - ckevinw “of” comcast.net): A Moscow - Warsaw (*Fails*), F Sevastopol – Rumania,

F St Petersburg(sc) - Gulf of Bothnia, A Warsaw - Galicia (*Bounce*).

Turkey (Larry Cronin – lcroninmd “of” msn.com): F Ankara – Constantinople, A Constantinople – Bulgaria,

A Smyrna Hold.

Fall 1901 Deadline is January 26th at 7:00am my time

PRESS

Turkey: The poor operation of communicative technologies in Italy and Austria are disheartening.

Italy -> All: Apologies for the lack of communication.

F-G: Germany, let us ride into Liverpool with a fanfare.

F-E: You, brother, are a big pile of...(drum roll)....... n00bsauce. England was slain by Cow King.

Turkey: The patriarch of Constantinople is pondering the parenting he performed with his two sons. Enlightenment will hopefully show he knows what he was/is doing.

F-I: Lets be friends shall we? I don’t attack you, you don’t attack me. Seem fair?

Diplomacy “Bellicus” from Strange Meeting, Fall/Winter 1906

England (Smiley McKinnon – Boltar35 “of” aol.com): F Edinburgh Hold, A London Hold.

France (Pat Vogelsang – godawgsgo33 “of” yahoo.com): A Belgium – Ruhr,

A Burgundy - Munich (*Fails*), A Clyde – Liverpool, F English Channel - North Sea, A Gascony Hold,

A Holland - Kiel (*Disbanded*), F Irish Sea - Mid-Atlantic Ocean.

Germany (Beartla de Burca – beartlab “of” yahoo.ie): No units.

Italy (David Latimer – davidlatimeryork “of” yacoo.co.uk): F Adriatic Sea - Trieste (*Fails*),

A Bohemia – Galicia, F Tunis - Ionian Sea (*Fails*), A Venice Supports F Adriatic Sea - Trieste.

Russia (Chris Babcock – cbabcock “of” asciiking.com): F Denmark - Helgoland Bight,

A Kiel Supports A Ruhr – Holland, A Moscow Hold, A Munich Hold, F North Atlantic Ocean - Irish Sea,

F North Sea – Belgium, F Norway - Norwegian Sea, A Ruhr – Holland, A Silesia Supports A Munich,

A Sweden – Norway, A Tyrolia - Vienna (*Bounce*).

Turkey (Phil Amos – p.v.a “of” btinternet.com): F Aegean Sea Supports F Greece - Ionian Sea,

F Albania Supports F Greece - Ionian Sea, A Budapest - Vienna (*Bounce*), F Greece - Ionian Sea,

F Ionian Sea - Tyrrhenian Sea, F Naples Supports F Ionian Sea - Tyrrhenian Sea, F Rome Hold,

A Serbia Supports A Trieste, A Trieste Hold.

Supply Center Chart

England: Edinburgh, London=2

France: Brest, Liverpool, Marseilles, Paris, Portugal, Spain=6

Germany None=0, OUT!

Italy: Tunis, Venice=2, Remove 2

Russia: Belgium, Berlin, Denmark, Holland, Kiel, Moscow, Munich, Norway, Sevastopol, St Petersburg,

Sweden, Vienna, Warsaw=13, Build 2

Turkey: Ankara, Budapest, Bulgaria, Constantinople, Greece, Naples, Rome, Rumania, Serbia, Smyrna,

Trieste=11, Build 2

Italy: Remove F Tunis, F Adriatic Sea.

Russia: Build A Warsaw, plays 1 short.

Turkey: Build A Constantinople, F Ankara.

Spring/Summer 1907 Deadline is January 26th at 7:00am my time

PRESS

Italy: What's the weather like over there?

GM – Italy: We had a white Christmas here for the first time in like 80 years. And it may snow up to an inch today. Overall it hasn’t been much different than most winters in Dallas: days in the 40s, nights down to the 30’s or 20’s.

Diplomacy “Chimaera” from Strange Meeting, Fall/Winter 1906

Austria (Tim Deacon – timdeacon1 “of” hotmail.com): A Budapest Supports A Vienna,

A Greece Supports A Serbia, A Serbia Supports F Aegean Sea - Bulgaria(sc), A Vienna Supports A Budapest.

England (Nigel Pepper – nepper “of” totalise.co.uk): A Brest Hold, A Burgundy – Marseilles,

F English Channel Supports F North Atlantic Ocean - Mid-Atlantic Ocean, A Gascony Supports F Spain(sc),

F Holland - Belgium (*Bounce*), F Kiel Hold, F Mid-Atlantic Ocean – Portugal,

F North Atlantic Ocean - Mid-Atlantic Ocean, F Picardy - Belgium (*Bounce*),

F Spain(sc) Supports F Mid-Atlantic Ocean – Portugal, A Wales Hold.

France (Robert Jewett – Robert_Jewett “of” navyfederal.org and robertjewett “of” yahoo.com):

F Portugal - Spain(sc) (*Disbanded*), A Ruhr no move received.

Italy (Jimmy Cowie – jcowie “of” madasafish.com): F Aegean Sea - Bulgaria(sc) (*Dislodged*, NRR,

retreats OTB), A Tyrolia Supports A Venice, A Venice Supports A Tyrolia,

F Western Mediterranean Supports F Portugal - Spain(sc).

Russia (Mike Oliveri – oliverima “of” aol.com): A Armenia – Ankara, F Berlin Hold,

F Black Sea Supports A Bulgaria, A Bohemia Supports A Galicia, A Bulgaria Supports A Rumania (*Cut*),

F Constantinople - Aegean Sea, A Galicia Supports A Bohemia, A Munich Supports A Bohemia,

A Rumania Supports A Bulgaria, A Sevastopol Supports A Rumania, A Silesia Supports A Munich,

F Smyrna Supports F Constantinople - Aegean Sea.

Ownership of supply centers:

Austria: Budapest, Greece, Serbia, Trieste, Vienna=5, Build 1

England: Belgium, Brest, Denmark, Edinburgh, Holland, Kiel, Liverpool, London, Marseilles, Norway,

Paris, Portugal, Spain=13, Build 2

France None=0, OUT!

Italy: Naples, Rome, Tunis, Venice=4, Build 1

Russia: Ankara, Berlin, Bulgaria, Constantinople, Moscow, Munich, Rumania, Sevastopol, Smyrna,

St Petersburg, Sweden, Warsaw=12, Even

Austria: Builds A Trieste.

England: Builds A London, F Liverpool.

Italy: NBR, Plays 1 short.

Now Proposed – England/Russia Draw – Please Vote!

Spring/Summer 1907 Deadline is January 26th at 7:00am my time

PRESS

To All: if you celebrate the Christmas Season, I hope it was enjoyed as never before. Many times, when economies are struggling, we find joy in simpler things. Things that are more important, in any case, we just needed to be reminded. Also, I wish you a wonderful New Year. If you were not able to enjoy the holidays, screw it! Get a bottle and enjoy the warm numbing feeling of a good drunk. ; )

Austria - All: please vote for the end game proposal, so we can start a new game.

Austria - Russia: I expect Italy to have bounced if he hasn't then I'm sorry.

To Italy and Austria: I propose an E/R draw. Say yes and let's do it again in a new game.

Austria- Italy: Sorry could only spare one support as I'm trying to hold what I have.

Diplomacy “Albion” from Strange Meeting, Fall/Winter 1905

Game Ends in DIAS

I received no adjudication from Stephen, and after discussion with the other players, rather than replace me as a player (as I move to GM) and try to keep the game moving, (despite Ian’s willingness to do so), the game is being declared over, a draw between all surviving players.

Deviant Dip II – “Black Licorice” – 2009Brc08 – Fall 1903

Well folks, I goofed last turn. I should have revealed at the end of last turn that the invisible Italian A Paris was in fact in Paris and no longer invisible,since by the Invisibility rule it ended its turn in a center Italy did not control (thanks to the fact that Paris became English during Scrambled Eggs). However, since nobody knew it was there, England spent 3 votes to garrison Paris. So I flipped a coin; as Paris is now vacated the garrison will be permitted, even though garrisons take effect before movement.

Drance (Jim Burgess – jfburgess “of” gmail.com with Don Williams ordering units): F StP(nc) H,

A Ser(1) H, A Mun H, A Ukr H, F Cyp H, F Lyo H.

England (Russell Blau – russblau “of” imapmail.org): Ret F Ion-Cre..Garrisons Iceland and Paris..

A Wal S F Lon, F Bla(1)-Con, F Ank S F Bla-Con, F Lon S A Wal, A Rum-Bul (supported by 2 votes),

A Smy Disappears, F Cre H. Buys 1 RP.

Verminy (Pete Gaughan – raptormage “of” astound.net): M Mos Air-Kie(returns to Mos and is now an

Army), M Bul Air(1)-Ven(Fails, and as Bul is now occupied, crashes ), F Nat(1) U,

F Bel(1) U(may retreat to Hol, Nth, Pic, Upp, OTB), M Naf Air(1)-Sev(returns to Naf and is now a Fleet).

Italy (John David Galt – jdg “of” diogenes.sacramento.ca.us): Garrisons Naples (Destroyed) and

Denmark..A Par-Bur, F Den-Kie, F Bal-Pru, A Swe(2) S F Nwy, F Nwy(1) S A Swe. Buys 1 RP.

Austria (Jack Mchugh - jwmchughjr “of” gmail.com): A Sev(1) - Ukr, F Por – Mid(Destroyed), F Nwg - Ice.

Buys 1 RP.

Nussia (Mark D Lew – markdlew “of” earthlink.net): Ret A Smy-Con..A Mar(1) S F Spa(sc), F Mid-Por (supported by 2 votes), A Bud S A Vie, F Spa(sc) S F Mid-Por, A Vie S A Bud, A Con-Smy (supported by 6 votes),

A Tri S A Vie, F Ven S A Tri. Buys 2 RP.

Turkey (Jason Bergmann – jasonbergmann “of” gmail.com): F Ech-Bel(supported by 4 votes), F Ion-Sic,

A Rom S A Tun-Nap, F Bre H(supported in place by 1 vote), A Tun-Nap, F Tyn C A Tun-Nap,

A Edi S G. Marine Naf-Lvp(NSO)(supported in place by 1 vote). Buys 3 RP.

Votes:

Drance: 24 yes on #55.

England: 2 Yes on #50, 2 Yes on #51, 1 No on #52, 1 Yes on #53, 1 No on #54, 1 No on #55, 2 No on #56,

1 No on #57, 1 Yes on #58.

Verminy: No votes received.

Italy: 1 Yes on #50, 1 Yes on #51, 1 Yes on #55, 1 No on #57, 1 No on #58.

Austria: 1 Yes on #50, 1 Yes on #51, 1 No on #52, a Yes on #53, 1 No on #54, 1 No on #55, 1 No on #56,

1 No on #57, 1 Yes on #58.

Nussia: 5 No on #51, 1 No on #52, 1 No on #53, 1 Yes on #54, 1 Yes on #55, 1 Yes on #57.

Turkey: 1 No on #52, 1 Yes on #56, 1 Yes on #57.

Supply Center Chart, With Owned Home Centers in Bold

Centers With Garrisons Are Underlined

Drance Warsaw, Ireland, Serbia, Munich, St. Petersburg, Cyprus=6, Even

England Paris, Iceland, Ankara, Crete, Constantinople, Wales, London, Bulgaria=8, Build 1

Verminy Greece, Liverpool, Moscow, Holland?=3 or 4, Even or Remove 1

Italy Denmark, Norway, Prussia, Sweden=4, Remove 1

Austria Holland?, Armenia, Sevestapol=2 or 3, Even or Build 1

Nussia Tyrolia, Sardinia, Rumania, Piedmont, Kiel, Marseilles, Trieste, Venice, Spain, Budapest,

Vienna, Livonia, Berlin, Smyrna, Portugal=15, Build 7 (Room for 4)

Turkey Corsica, Rome, Edinburgh, Naples, Tunis, Belgium, Brest, Sicily=8, Build 1

Build Centers (When Owned) Are As Follows:

Drance Ankara, Belgium, Crete

England Smyrna, Iceland, Trieste

Verminy Vienna, London, Liverpool

Italy Serbia, Edinburgh, Denmark

Austria Venice, Holland, Armenia

Nussia Tyrolia, Sardinia, Piedmont, Livonia

Turkey Corsica, Prussia, Tunis

RP’s (Rule #21): Jack McHugh - 2; Russell Blau - 5; Jim Burgess - 4; Pete Gaughan/Hugh Polley - 1; John David Galt - 4; Mark D Lew - 8; Jason Bergmann - 7.

Official Standby Players, as needed: Jack McHugh (jwmchughjr “of” gmail.com), Hugh Polley (hapolley “of” yahoo.ca).

I am calling Hugh Polley to stand by for Verminy.

Winter 1903 Deadline is January 25th at 7:00pm my time

This turn will include builds/removals, snowballs, and new proposals!

Passed Rule Proposals:

Rule #1 - More Deviant Rule (Proposed by Jason Bergmann).  Paragraphs (5), (7), and (8) of the Deviant Diplomacy II variant rules are repealed and replaced with the following:

(1) Every Winter and Spring season, each starting player who controlled at least one supply center at the end of the previous Fall season may propose up to two rule changes.  Such players may choose to submit fewer than two rule proposals without consequence.

(2) Every Winter and Spring season, each starting player who controlled no supply centers at the end of the previous Fall season may propose up to one rule change.  Such players may choose to submit no rule proposals without consequence.

(3) Every Spring and Fall season, each starting player has a number of votes equal to one plus the number of supply centers the starting player controlled at the end of the previous Fall season. 

(4) Players may vote yes or no.  Players may cast all of their votes for or against any one rule proposal, or players can split yes and no votes among multiple rule proposals.  Players' votes are published.

(5) A no vote on any rule proposal cancels a yes vote.  The rule proposal receiving the most net yes votes goes into effect beginning the next season.  If more than one rule proposal tie for the most net yes votes, then all tied rules go into effect beginning the next season.  The rule proposal (or proposals) will go into effect even if the net yes votes are zero or negative.

(6) In addition to any rule proposals that go into effect under paragraph (5), additional rule proposals may also go into effect beginning the next season, if such proposals receive one or more net yes votes and if such proposals do not receive no votes from at least two different players.

(7) If two or more rule proposals would go into effect on the same turn but conflict explicitly or implicitly with each other, then both rules are null and void.

(8) The phrase "starting player" refers to the seven players who started this game, plus any standby player who succeeds the position of a starting player in this game.  The word "player" includes all starting players and all other persons who enter the game as a result of the passage of additional rules.

(9) This rule may be amended or repealed only by any rule proposal going into effect under paragraph (5).  Any rule proposal going into effect under paragraph (6) that amends or repeals this rule, or which conflicts explicitly or implicitly with the terms of this rule, will have no effect.

Rule #8 - "Barbarian Hordes, or the Excess Profits Tax." (Proposed by John David Galt). When any power captures three or more supply centers (which he did not already own) in a single fall season, neutral armies known as "Barbarian Hordes" are immediately built in half of those centers (rounded down), selected at random by the GM.  This happens before the owner can build.

Once at least one Barbarian Horde exists on the board, player(s) may spend any or all of their rule votes to attempt to give an order to a Barbarian Horde.  Each Horde follows the order to it that gets the most votes.  If a Horde receives no orders, it is in disorder and holds.

If two or more orders to a Horde get the same number of votes, the tied orders are cancelled and Horde obeys the non-tied order with the most votes, even if that is a smaller number of votes than the tied orders got.

Barbarian Hordes are amphibious -- they can move to any land space as if they were armies, and to any water space as if they were fleets.  They cannot convoy or be convoyed.  They can support and be supported.  They cannot retreat, and are destroyed if dislodged -- but that is the only way to destroy them, because they do not need supply.

If a Barbarian Horde occupies a supply center after a Fall turn, that center becomes unowned.  However, a newly built Barbarian Horde does not affect the ownership of its starting location in the Fall turn in which it is built.

When a Barbarian Horde is built, the unit which captured that space is destroyed (thus allowing the owner to rebuild it normally in the Winter turn immediately afterward, if he holds enough centers). [[By rule #45 this rule is no longer in effect.]]

Rule #13 – “The Duck Escapes Rule” (Proposed by Don Williams): Due to inept leadership, poor press writing, and insufficient cerebral bandwidth the French Republic under Don “Le Duc” Guillaume is swept away in a monstrously effective coup d’etat.  A new government and extremely popular government – to be headed by the extraordinarily handsome, exceptionally erudite, and press-prolific James “Le Burgess du L’Isle du Rhodes” Burgess – is immediately installed.  Tragically, as “Le Duc” is dragged straightforward to the guillotine for his just come-uppance, he is permanently unavailable to be re-called into this travesty of a dip game.

Rule #14 - Duck Williams Heart of Darkness Rule (Proposed by Jim Burgess): While Don Williams may be "out of the game" one can never be OUT of this game. Two new Provinces in Africa are created by this rule, accessed from Belgium (for obvious reasons) and London.  Belgium now also is attached to the Upper River province, which in turn is attached to the Lower River Province, which in turn is attached to London.  Only Fleets may enter this "river pathway" between London and Belgium, convoys may be made through it if two fleets are in it.  The first fleet entering this pathway is forever afterward dubbed "Marlow's Steamship" (again for obvious reasons) and that player shall then document to the GM (via CC or other means) E-Mails, phone calls, text messages, Facebook/Twitter postings etc. to Don Williams where they say "The horror, the horror!"  Besides driving Don nuts, Marlow's Steamship shall never be able to be dislodged or removed in the game (regardless of whether it has a supporting supply center) as long as the GM (in his infinite wisdom of how to bug people) views that the owner of Marlow's Steamship has sufficiently bugged Don that month. [[For the basis of this rule “fleet” now refers to both “fleet” and “marine unit.”]]

Rule #15 - Habsburg Relocation Act (Proposed by Mark D. Lew): Besieged by enemies on all sides, the Habsburg emperor pleads to Heaven for delivierance! Heaven answers, and the core of the empire is removed from Europe and transplanted to a paradise island in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.

The four spaces of Vie, Bud, Tri, and Ser are transplanted: They are no longer adjacent to Boh, Gal, Rum, Bul, Gre, Alb, Adr, Ven, or Tyo. They are each adjacent to Mid (and thus have a coast now). They retain their normal adjacency with respect to each other. Any units currently occupying those spaces are transplanted with them. The area where those spaces used to be is now a large impassable void. [[By rule #45, this rule is no longer in effect.]]

Rule #16 - Drench the Vermin! (Proposed by Mark D. Lew): France, Russia and Germany are renamed Drance, Nussia, and Verminy. Whenever reporting game results, GM must list countries in the following order: Drance, England, Verminy, Italy, Austria, Nussia, Turkey.

Rule #17 - "Teleport Gates" (Proposed by John David Galt): The North Atlantic becomes adjacent to the Eastern Med. The Gulf of Bothnia becomes adjacent to the Western Med. Galicia becomes adjacent to Burgundy. [[By rule #45, this rule is no longer in effect.]]

Rule #19 – “Marines” (Proposed by John Walker): All units are made into units called Marines. Marines can move on Land, Water or by Air. Marines have no movement restrictions if by air. Air Movement takes 2 turns to complete, either a spring-fall or a fall-spring. [[By this rule, there are no longer convoys. Coasts are no longer necessary to specify, as the Marine units may move by land and sea. Movements by air must be specified as “by air” or “via air.” Destinations of air movements will not be revealed to the rest of the board until the 2^nd turn, although the player MUST specify the destination with the original order; if you order Moscow – Paris via air, the first adjudication will merely state Moscow – Moscow Air. The next adjudication will report Moscow Air – Paris. If the landing fails due to a bounce or other interference, the unit returns to the original location the following movement season. However, if unable to land at the location of origin because of a bounce or because it is occupied, the Marine which had attempted the air movement is destroyed, crashing due to lack of fuel. Once a unit is in the air, the space it used to occupy can be immediately occupied. In the above example, Moscow would be considered unoccupied immediately, so an uncontested move of Ukraine – Moscow would succeed even if ordered in the same season as Moscow – Moscow Air.]][[By rule #45, this rule is winding out of use. Once all Marine units are switched, the rule will no longer be in force.]]

Rule #21 - "It's All About the Rules" Rule (Proposed by Russell Blau):  Beginning with the season this rule goes into effect, each player (as defined in the More Deviant Rule) receives one Rule Point (RP) for each rule proposed by that player that goes into effect.  For every season in which voting takes place, each player receives one vote for each RP they hold, in addition to all votes provided for in other rules. Clause (9) of the Deviant Diplomacy II rules is repealed. The Victory Condition for this game is to control a majority of the awarded RPs, provided that no player can win the game until the total number of RPs awarded is greater than one-half the number of supply centers in existence.

Rule #22 - "Continent-Wide Web version 2.0" (Proposed by Russell Blau): Every passable space on the map is adjacent to the spaces immediately before and after it in alphabetical order. The list wraps around, so Yorkshire is adjacent to Adriatic Sea, and vice versa. All new coastlines created by this rule are considered to be contiguous to existing coastlines -- so, for example, a fleet that enters Yorkshire from the Adriatic can exist to the North Sea, and vice versa -- and new land boundaries created by this rule do not interrupt any existing coastlines. Each space's name is alphabetized based on how it is printed on the official map on the copy of The Game used by the GM. In addition, at the end of the Fall 1902 season, the GM will randomly select one land space for each power, from among all land spaces within that power's 1901 boundaries that is (a) not a supply center and (b) not occupied by any unit, which will immediately become a buildable home supply center for that power. [[In effect, the new adjacencies are “worm hole” passages, because they do not change any other aspects of the board. St. Petersburg is considered to be spelled out as Saint. I haven’t found any, but if someone discovers before next turn that this rule contradicts Rule #15 by making Vie, Tri, Ser, or Bud adjacent again to any of their original neighbors, then both rules are null and void by Rule #1 clause 7. As I mentioned, I haven’t found that to be the case, but I could be wrong. If no such contradiction is pointed out to me by the next deadline, both rules stand regardless.]] [[By rule #45, the adjacency aspects of this rule are no longer in effect. Also, by Scrambled Eggs, the extra centers are not necessarily build centers.]]

Rule #23 – “Island grabbing” (Proposed by Jason Bergmann): Effective immediately: Iceland is a German Home Center containing a German Fleet; Ireland is an English Home Center containing an English fleet; Corsica is an Austrian Home Center containing an Austrian Fleet; Sardinia is a French Home Center containing a French Fleet; Sicily is an Italian Home Center containing an Italian army; Crete is a Turkish Home Center Containing a Turkish Fleet; Cyprus is a Russian Home Center containing a Russian fleet.  All such spaces are now passable.  The Eternal Sunshine map shall be used to determine what other spaces to which they are adjacent.  In addition, Sicily and Naples are adjacent to each other, and Corsica and Sardinia are adjacent to each other. [[By Scrambled Eggs, these are not necessarily build centers.]]

Rule #25 - The Boob Says Nay and Ducks (Proposed by Jim Burgess): Jim-Bob has NO interest in actually playing this game, so he gives control of all the units back to Don "The Duck" Williams.  So as to meet the criteria of the previously passed "unlucky" Rule 13, Don is NOT actually re-called into the game.  He just has to control all the units.  The Boob will retain all the voting and rule-proposing rights that are the only reason anyone would actually want to play this insane game and define who the actual players are.  If this rule passes, the Boob (aka Jim-Bob) can never push a piece, order a unit, or any other order writing construct that anyone cares to propose for any power for the rest of the game. [[Don Williams will now be called on to submit movement orders for French units.]]

Rule #28 - Invisibility Spells (Proposed by John David Galt): Each Spring or Fall turn, each player may spend one of his rule votes to cause one of his units to become invisible.  The unit will act normally in all respects, but its location, and any orders to it, will be known only to its owner and the GM.  Invisibility takes effect immediately -- before the adjudication of orders on the same turn in which it is cast -- and only ends if the unit, at the end of any turn, is in a supply center which did not belong to the unit's owner at the beginning of that turn.  (On that turn its location is revealed but the order, if any, it received that turn is not.)  Neighboring units affected by the invisible unit will know whether their orders succeeded or not, but will not be told why.

Rule #31 - Take over the Dulcinea (Proposed by Jim Burgess): As soon as this is passed (i.e. in the same issue), a "Dulcinae II" board is created with all the players and unit positions of the Dulcinae game.  All of the Dulcinae players control their units on the Dulcinae II board as well as the original board, but initially (until modified by future rules in this game) cannot issue orders any differently from in Dulcinae I, their submitted orders are also executed on Dulcinae II.  Every Fall turn, each player on the Black Licorice board randomly will have one of its units cloned onto the Dulcinae II board in the same location and it annihilates any existing Dulcinae II unit in that space.  If the randomly chosen unit is in a "new space", the entire rule creating that space will also be transferred to the Dulcinae II board -- otherwise all rules on the Dulcinae board are as in Standard Diplomacy (at least for now).  These units have one free game year, the unit does not have to be in a supply center to stay on the Dulcinae II board, but after that must support themselves by taking centers on the Dulcinae II board, centers are counted separately on each board.  [[This rule doesn’t actually take effect until ES #34, but since this rule does not do anything to the “Dulcinae II” game until the Fall turn (which I have decided to rule refers to the Fall turn in Black Licorice since Jim was not specific) it makes no difference whether it starts right now or not.]] [[By Rule #45, this rule is no longer in effect.]]

Rule #32 - Take over Eternal Sunshine (Proposed by Jim Burgess): Rules proposed in Black Licorice can have real effects on other games in Eternal Sunshine.  If this rule passes and subsequent Black Licorice rules pass that affect other games, the GM/Publisher shall poll players in those games as to whether the Deviant rule shall take effect.  Any veto by any player in the "real" Eternal Sunshine game invalidates the Black Licorice rule for that game (rules proposed to affect multiple ES games can thus actually only affect a subset of those games).  These rules can be re-proposed, but can cause the GM to poll players in any given Eternal Sunshine game no more than once per Eternal Sunshine issue. [[By Rule #45, this rule is no longer in effect.]]

Rule #34 - Snowball fighting! (Proposed by Mark D. Lew): During each winter season, each unit on the board may throw a snowball at any other unit on the board. When ordering throws, the player should specify a path of adjacent spaces, starting with the space occupied by the thrower and ending with the space of the target. (For snowball purposes, use adjacencies per the original map, ignoring any changes in game geography due to deviant rules. A snowball's path may include an impassable space such as Switzerland.) The path must be reasonably straight, as if drawing a straight line from somewhere in the one space to somewhere in the other, but will be judged generously if it seems close enough. If a path is clearly not straight, GM may either designate a new path with the same start and end space or else disqualify the throw as too preposterous.

Each snowball throw has a 1/N chance of hitting its target, where N is the length of the path including start and end spaces. It also has 1/N chance of hitting any unit in an intervening space along the path. Snowball throws are ordered with winter builds, but they are resolved after builds. Newly built units may neither throw nor be targeted, but they might be hit if they end up in an intervening path along a throw. Units about to be disbanded may throw or be targeted before they go, but they won't be around to get hit.

For each successful throw of length N=3 or more, the throwing player scores N style points. No style points are scored for hitting a unit other than the target, and no style points are scored for a throw of N=2. A player who scores eight or more style points in a turn gets one additional vote on rule proposals the following season. (Style points are not cumulative, and any number less than eight garners no voting benefit.)

Snowball hits taken by a unit are cumulative and tracked from year to year. During the winter season, any unit may, instead of throwing a snowball, be ordered to go inside and dry off. It takes no hits that winter and its cumulative total of hits is restored to zero. For each unit ordered to go inside and dry off, a player gets -5 style points that winter.

Any unit which suffers 20 snowball hits is considered pummeled and is treated as if in civil disorder for the rest of the game. It may not move or support during spring and fall turns. It also may not throw snowballs nor go inside during winter. [[As the rule does not specify, a player MAY hit his own units with a snowball. Also, once a snowball hits a unit, it stops its trajectory; so you can only hit one unit with each throw, and if you hit one along the path it never reaches the destination. And to be clear, the chance for a hit is not variable; if you throw where N=5, the spaces along the way with units have a 1/5 chance of being hit, regardless of how far from the initial throwing space they are.]]

Rule #36 - In Democracy Flagrante (Reproposed by Russell Blau): After all other rules are resolved, the number of votes permitted by each player is doubled.

Rule #38 - Scrambled Eggs (Proposed by Jason Bergmann):  At the end of Winter 1902, after builds, all units will be redistributed randomly among all passable spaces.  Armies landing in water will become fleets.  Fleets landing in non-coastal land spaces will become armies.  In addition, supply centers will be redistributed among all players.  After such redistribution, each player will have the same number of supply centers, but such centers will be randomly chosen.  In Spring 1903, each player may designate three of his supply centers to be home centers.  (Russia may designate four) [[All units were Marines at the time, the changes from army to fleet and vice versa were ignored.]]

Rule #41 - Votes as Currency (Proposed by Jason Bergmann): During Spring and Fall turns, votes may be spent as follows:

(1) One vote to support a unit in place.
(2) Two votes to support any unit's move.
(3) Three votes to garrison a controlled supply center.  A garrisoned supply center has an intrinsic defensive strength of one if the area is unoccupied.  A garrison is destroyed if any other player's unit occupies the garrisoned space. 
(4) Five votes to buy one Rule Point.

These expenditures are in addition to those that are provided by other rules.

Rule #42 - Collapsing Wormholes (Proposed by Jason Bergmann): Each "wormhole" (i.e., adjacency between any two spaces that are not adjacent on the map published in Eternal Sunshine), immediately collapse after any unit successfully moves through it.  All other wormholes that touch either of those two spaces also immediately collapse.  No additional movement is allowed through a collapsed wormhole.  For each successful move that causes one ore more wormholes to collapse, the moving player will receive 0.5 Rule Points.  (Fractional rule points do not round up.)  The adjacencies created by Rules 14, 17 and 22 are non-geographic adjacencies and qualify as wormholes.  The adjacencies created by Rules 15 and 23 are geographic adjacencies and do not qualify as wormholes.  With each game result, the GM shall publish an alphabetical list of all non-collapsed wormholes.  This rule does not apply retroactively. [[This rule currently only applies to the adjacencies to the Upper and Lower River, as Rule #45 eliminated the rest.]]

Rule #44 - It's 2 a.m., boys. Time to go home (Proposed by Mark D Lew): If at the end of the Fall 1910 turn no player has achieved victory, the game ends and Heather Taylor is declared the winner.

Rule #45 - Return to (Relative) Normalcy (Proposed by Mark D Lew): Now that we are completely scrambled, the board returns to normal and we try to regain our sanity:

Units, center ownership, and home centers remain as determined by the Egg Scrambling. Board adjacencies return to normal (reversing the effects of Continent-Wide Web, Habsburg Relocation, and Teleport Gates). The island spaces are still passable dots but with normal board adjacencies only (including Cor-Sar and Nap-Sic). Upper and Lower River still exist, treated as ordinary sea spaces adjacent to Belgium and London respectively and to each other.

Jim Burgess and Don Williams still control Drance's votes and moves as currently specified, but any other deviant business related to them is repealed, as are the rules extending Deviant influence to other games in the zeen (ie, #31 and #32).

All marines become armies or fleets (army if in a landlocked space, fleet if in a sea space, randomly chosen otherwise). Any marine currently in the air continues its flight as a marine but then reverts to army or fleet once it lands. No new marines may be built. Any barbarian horde currently existing continues as such until destroyed, but the rule is repealed with regard to new barbarians. Any unit currently invisible remains so until revealed, but the rule is repealed with regard to new invisibility. (That is, #8, #19, and #28 are no longer in effect once their current alterations expire.)

Other rules (ie, #1, #16, #21, #34) remain in effect.

In re-establishing normalcy, this rule does not override any new abnormalcies (eg, adjacencies) passed simultaneously.

#50 - "Say the Secret Woid and Win a Hundred Dollars" (Proposed by Russell Blau):  In every issue of Eternal Sunshine, the GM will publish a secret word, somewhere _outside_ the Black Licorice game report.  The secret word will be clearly identified; for example, the zine may say "The secret word is zucchini"; but the GM can vary the exact phrasing so that players cannot easily find the answer with a simple text search. Each player who correctly repeats the secret word in their orders the following season can cast extra votes equal to one-half their current vote total, dropping any fractions. In Winter, if there is no voting [if Rule #39 does not pass], players who correctly repeat the secret word can make an extra rule proposal. [[The first secret word will be published next issue.]]

#53 - "Plunder" (Proposed by John David Galt): Any unit which is in a supply center during a spring or fall turn, and performs no other action in that turn except to hold, may plunder that supply center.  Barbarian Hordes may plunder.  Plundering fails only if the unit ordered to plunder is dislodged on that turn. A plundered space ceases to be a supply center for any purpose for two full game years beginning at the end of the turn in which it was plundered.  (Thus a space plundered in Spring 1904 would become a supply center again after Spring 1906.)

#55 – “Disappearing Spaces” (Proposed by Mark D Lew): Each spring or fall, after adjudication of moves, the least popular space will be removed from the game. GM will identify the unoccupied space which has gone unoccupied for the longest time. If there is a tie, GM will randomly choose from among them. This space will be annexed by one adjacent space, again chosen at random by the GM. Thenceforth, the disappearing space no longer exists, and the annexing space now occupies the entire area of the two spaces combined. The annexing space maintains all its original qualities, including name, land/sea, dot/non-dot, and occupying unit. For example, if the Tyrrhenian Sea is annexed by Tunis, then the new Tunis would become a large land space dot which now borders Lyo, Tus, Rom and Nap; it would have two coasts, and Rome would no longer have a coast. [[This rule will begin after the next Spring turn.]]

#58 - Junior Birdman (Proposed by Pete Gaughan): An air attack automatically defeats any unit or movement on the ground. [[This rule will have no effect unless Marines or some other airborne unit is adopted.]]

PRESS:

Italy to Turkey: I can see your Grand Vizier is working overtime to become Time's World Bureaucrat of the Year!  Two rule proposals in the same season that have no effect on the game!  He's got my vote.

Drance: Dulcinae, Dulcinea, who the hell cares??: I'm really annoyed that you guys killed my szine takeover attempt.  You're being WAY too logical.  I'm still not moving any units or doing anything else, regardless of what Don does.  I wish we had voted Lew the win..... ;-)

Lew to GM: Dang, if I'd known my hare-brained scheme to win the game actually would have worked, I'd have sunk more votes into it!

Black Press Gunboat, “Maple Sugar,” 2009Crb32, W 02/S 03

Austria: Build A Trieste. A Budapest - Galicia (*Bounce*), F Greece Supports A Bulgaria,

A Serbia - Rumania (*Fails*), A Trieste Supports A Vienna – Tyrolia, A Vienna - Tyrolia.

England: F Barents Sea - Norwegian Sea, F London - English Channel,

F North Sea Supports F Barents Sea - Norwegian Sea.

France: Retreat A Burgundy – Paris, Build A Marseilles. A Belgium Hold, F English Channel - Mid-Atlantic Ocean,

A Marseilles - Gascony (*Bounce*), A Paris - Gascony (*Bounce*).

Germany: A Burgundy - Marseilles (*Fails*), F Denmark Supports F Norway - North Sea (*Void*),

A Holland Supports A Kiel – Ruhr, A Kiel – Ruhr, A Munich - Burgundy (*Fails*).

Italy: Build F Naples. A Bohemia - Galicia (*Bounce*), F Naples - Ionian Sea,

F Tunis Supports F Naples - Ionian Sea, A Venice - Piedmont.

Russia: F Armenia - Ankara (*Fails*), F Black Sea Supports F Armenia – Ankara, A Finland - Norway (*Fails*),

F Norway - Norwegian Sea (*Fails*), A Rumania - Bulgaria (*Fails*), A Sevastopol – Ukraine,

A St Petersburg Supports A Finland - Norway (*Fails*).

Turkey: Build A Sevastopol. F Aegean Sea Supports A Bulgaria, F Ankara Hold,

A Bulgaria Supports A Rumania (*Ordered to Move*), A Constantinople Supports F Ankara.

Fall 03 Deadline is January 26th at 7:00am my time

PRESS:

THE FOUR CORNER REPORT: From the NW corner, England with the loss of Norway is too weak to make a comeback without German help.  Russia is now in charge of the North West Corner.  The only question is will Germany attempt to crash the party?

Can you believe it!  The SW corner is still unoccupied. Lucky for France Italy is fascinated by how much havoc his Army Bohemia is creating.  

In the SE Turkey caught a break, F Armenia much less of a threat than A Armenia.  On the down side her units are locked in place with only one set of safe orders.  Perhaps the order Bulgaria supports Budapest to Rumania has some merit, but can the Austrian be trusted?  Russia with Italian help is now in command of the SE corner.

Overview, only a bad movement error, or German intervention could spoil the Russian Bear's plan.  Locked in battle F/G, R/T, I/A; E still has three units to spoil a party with.

AH to T: If by some chance I am in Rum a support would help slow down the Russian advance.

T -> R: What part of "you will have a hard time winning your war" do you not understand? I have not "screwed up", as you please to express yourself - I just employ the hedgehog strategy.

Germany to interested party: Actions speak loader than words. Will repeat. Return fav later.

F.I.G. – England : I’m assuming we’re allies. If not, this will be short-lived. Let’s try to coordinate against Germany . If I get a build, what would you prefer?

E -> A: Nice thoughts, but Germany seems to be looking west, rather than east.

F.I.G. – Italy : Go for it! I will protect your western front as long as I’m still here. Good luck in the East.

AH to G/F: Your battles are creating a R/I super power, make peace not war! 

F.I.G. – Germany : Not much to say to that, really.

AH to T: Russia built in Sev so best defense is to attack, thus A ser-rum, A Bud-gal.  If same situation exists in fall support of Ser-Rum would be good for both of us.

F.I.G. – Russia – Mind your back!

R-World: The army going to Ukraine is just for safety reasons and is not an offensive weapon. Austria and Germany, do not be alarmed.

By Popular Demand

Credit goes to Ryk Downes, I believe, for inventing this. The goal is to pick something that fits the category and will be the "most popular" answer. You score points based on the number of entries that match yours. For example, if the category is "Cats" and the responses were 7 for Persian, 3 for Calico and 1 for Siamese, everyone who said Persian would get 7 points, Calico 3 and the lone Siamese would score 1 point. The cumulative total over 10 rounds will determine the overall winner. Anyone may enter at any point, starting with an equivalent point total of the lowest cumulative score from the previous round. If a person misses a round, they'll receive the minimum score from the round added to their cumulative total. In each round you may specify one of your answers as your Joker answer. Your score for this answer will be doubled. In other words, if you apply your Joker to category 3 on a given turn, and 4 other people give the same answer as you, you get 10 points instead of 5. Players who fail to submit a Joker for any specific turn will have their Joker automatically applied to the first category. And, if you want to submit some commentary with your answers, feel free to. The game will consist of 10 rounds. A prize will be awarded to the winner. Research is permitted!

Round 3 Categories

1. Something you put on top of ice cream.

2. Something you put ice cream on top of.

3. A flavor of ice cream.

4. A brand of ice cream.

5. An ice cream product you can buy at the grocery store which is not solely ice cream.

Selected Comments By Category:

On Top of Ice Cream – Paraic Reddington “There is nothing on this planet that you can't put chocolate on top of. And that includes family members.” Jim Burgess “Tough one, could be fudge, cherry, or whipped cream.”

Ice Cream on Top Of – Brendan Whyte “Nipples (assuming she's lying on her back).” Paraic Reddington “I'm tempted to say a cone but I think you continentals may have a different meaning for the word.” William Wood “What don't you put ice cream on top of?  Cake, cookies, ladies with brown eyes.  It's all good.”

Congrats to William Wood for scoring 90, the MAXIMUM POSSIBLE SCORE in this round!

Flavor – Brendan Whyte “That's Flavo**U**r. It's got a u in it. Like the bend in your sink drain. duh. The flavour I think will do best is Chocolate. But I prefer Nepolitian myself, the flavour you have when you can't decide between chocolate, strawberry and vanilla. BTW did the US change the name of French Vanilla to Freedom Vanilla in 2001?”

Brand – Andy Lischett “Cherry Garcia is good.” William Wood “They are often so regional... the best is probably Braum’s (which they don't have in Nebraska... the closest store being 3.8 hours away in Northern Kansas) so I will go with the most popular "Boutique" ice cream, Ben & Jerry’s.” [[I am a huge fan of Braum’s Peanut Butter Cup, but I wish they’d double the amount of peanut butter swirls they put in each container.]]

Product – Brendan Whyte “Why would you buy a product that is not solely icecream? And why would anyone make such a product? I am thinking Baked alaska,. but can you buy that? Maybe not. Who'd buy anyhting Palin had been governess of, anyway? So I am going to go with Eskimo pies. but you probably know them as Indigenous Canadian Pies or Inuit Pies, or Saskattchewashniukttup Pies.” Dane Maslen “For this set of categories I've tried to 'think American'.  It remains to be seen just how (un)successful I've been.  Number 5 is the most difficult as I can't think of a way to research what products of this type Americans might buy.  It would help if I could think of a suitable product here in the UK!  Maybe I'll have to seek inspiration during my next visit to the supermarket. - (several visits to the supermarket later) - Well, I keep forgetting to look to see what ice cream products there are that are not solely ice cream, so I've had to look at an online store's product range for inspiration.  I found precisely one item (other than ice-cream cones) that seemed to match the specification and I'm far from convinced that it'll be in US stores (I suppose I could have tried looking at a Walmart online store to see what is available in America, but there are limits to the lengths I'll go to for a BPD answer!).  I wonder what I'm overlooking?” Paraic Reddington “Not having a clue of your brand names I'm at a distinct disadvantage here (and should therefore be given a 10 point bonus - and another 5 for just being great).”

General Comments – Andy Lischett “Before I got to Round 3 I picked answers for Round 2 without looking at the results, and giving me the lowest current score would be generous... for "spider" my first impulse was Alfa Romeo (although spelled with a Y), I don't know who Edward Norton is, my vegetable was peas and my 2009 death was Karl Malden. Michael Jackson died?”

Round 4 Categories – Deadline is January 26th at 7:00am my time

1. A city in Italy other than Rome.

2. A city in England other than London.

3. A city in France other than Paris.

4. A city in Germany other than Berlin.

5. A city in Spain other than Madrid.

There are ten rounds of movie quotes, and each round consists of ten quotes. Anyone may enter at any point, starting with an equivalent point total of the lowest cumulative score from the previous round. If a person misses a round, they'll receive the minimum score from the round added to their cumulative total. If you want to submit some commentary with your answers, feel free to. The game will consist of 10 rounds. A prize will be awarded to the winner – and it might be a very good prize! Research is not permitted! So please try to avoid the temptation to Google the quotes. Im doing many of the quotes from memory anyway, so you won’t necessarily be able to find them by direct search…so don’t try! Each round will also contain one bonus point, which is awarded if you can tell me what the ten movies being quoted have in common.

Round One

#1. Whoa, what are you doing? You’ve got to make my bunk! Stripes Correct – JM. RD, PR – Biloxi Blues. AL – Mr. Roberts. DW – American Pie.

#2. I’ve just about reached the point where I willing to kill someone for the nicotine under their fingernails, you hear me Loretta? Drop Dead Gorgeous Correct – JB, DW. RD – Cat’s Eye. PR – Natural Born Killers. AL – Five Easy Pieces. JM – A Fish Called Wanda.

#3. I wonder if she actually had an orgasm in the two years we were married, or did she fake it that night? Play it Again, Sam Correct – JB. RD – When Harry Met Sally. PR – Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

#4. What did you expect? "Welcome, sonny"? "Make yourself at home"? "Marry my daughter"? You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know... morons. Blazing Saddles Correct – PV, PR, JB, JM, DW. RD – Doc.

#5. On the run from Johnny Law. Ain’t no trip to Cleveland. Bottle Rocket PV – Raising Arizona. PR – The Blues Brothers.

#6. Serpentine, Shel, serpentine! The In-Laws Correct – PV, RD, JB, DW. JM – History of the World Part 1.

#7. I’ve never seen anybody so shit-all stupid to drive off the road like that. You musta got manure for your brains! Vacation Correct – PV. PR – Days of Thunder. AL – Kingpin. JM – 1942.

#8. Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right? Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail Correct - DM, PV, RD, JB, AY, JM, DW.

#9. Excuse me, Stewardess? I speak Jive. Airplane Correct - BW, DM, PV, RD, PR, AL, JB, AY, JM, DW.

#10. God? Lonely. But funny. He's got a great sense of humor. Take sex for example. There's nothing funnier than the ridiculous faces you people make mid-coitus. Dogma Correct – PV, RD, JB, DW. PR – Heaven Can Wait. AY – History of the World Part 1.

Bonus: What do all these films have in common? They are all comedies. Correct – JB, AY, JM. BW – I have never seen them.

Scores: BW – Brendan Whyte (1), DM – Dane Maslen (2), PV - Pat Vogelsang (6), RD – Rick Desper (4), PR – Paraic Reddington (2), AL – Andy Lischett (1), AY – Andy York (3), JB – Jim-Bob Burgess (8 – in the lead), JM – Jack McHugh (5), DW – Don Williams (6).

Jim Burgess: What actress from this #6 (The In-Laws) was in the Andy Griffith show and which of the main male characters was she associated with?  I can throw trivia back at you!

[[Arlene Golonka I know was on Mayberry RFD, was she on the true Andy Griffith show too? I don’t know who she is associated with, so I’ll guess Arkin but no recollection why that might be. And I’m too lazy to go look it up. Plus Heather hates The Andy Griffith Show so just the fact that you mentioned it is going to cost you, somehow…]]

Round Two

#1. The chances of another plane hitting this house are astronomical. It's been pre-disastered.

#2. First rule in government spending…why build one when you can have two at twice the price?

#3. Ichabod Crane disappears... the line goes: "As he was a bachelor, and in nobody's debt, nobody troubled their head about him anymore."

#4. I can read every mind in this room apart from yours. There's money…sex…money...sex.

#5. You can't print that it took place in her apartment. I have a wife and a family and a dog and a cat.

#6. It's more than psychiatry, and you know that Tom. Some of their problems come down to faith, their vocation and meaning of their lives, and I can't cut it anymore.

#7. I haven't felt that good since Archie Gemmill scored against Holland in 1978.

#8. You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time.

#9. You don't have the power to upset me. You don't matter enough to upset me.

#10. I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer.

Bonus: What do all these films have in common?

Deadline for your answers to Round 2: January 26^th at 7:00am my time

General Deadline for the Next Issue of Eternal Sunshine: January 26^th, 2010 at 7:00am my time - See You Then!