By Douglas Kent,
On the web at http://www.whiningkentpigs.com – or go directly to the Diplomacy section at http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/. Also be sure to visit the official Diplomacy World website which can be found at http://www.diplomacyworld.net. Also remember to check out http://www.helpfulkitty.com for official Toby the Helpful Kitty news, advice column, blog, and links to all his available merchandise! Links to many of the books and DVDs reviewed can be found by clicking on the Amazon Store button in the main menu of the Whining Kent Pigs website. Or go to http://www.guysexplained.com where women can learn all the secrets of how a man’s mind works, and why they act the way they do.
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Quote Of The Month – “You want to empty your home, you want to empty your life, of Clementine.” (Howard in “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”)
Welcome to Eternal Sunshine, the only Diplomacy subzine which features an Adults-Only game of By Popular Demand. Hmmm, considering how few Diplomacy zines or subzines are left on this planet, that shouldn’t be so surprising, now should it?
A lot of the material in this issue feels last-minute to me. I just moments ago completed my latest Fire and Rain chapter; normally I start that a few weeks before the deadline, but January has been so busy and so unproductive that I found a blank page staring at me only two days before the deadline. Fortunately I was able to focus this morning and get some meaningful words down. Otherwise I was just going to skip it until next month. But then I remembered that February is a short month too. Deadline-wise we’re looking at February 23rd (and before, depending on the game or column) as the cut-off. So PLEASE don’t wait until the last minute. Get your orders, letters, and other material in earlier rather than later.
I’m glad to see that the Movie Quote Quiz continues to see some decent response. Remember that this quiz is a 10-round competition, so there’s no reason you can join in the fun now and compete for some prizes. It feels good to be reminded once in a while that some people actually READ parts of this thing!
The two big events around the house in January were both rather unpleasant. The first was one I should have seen coming: the hard drive on my laptop completely crashed, losing its boot sector and nearly everything on it. This laptop is my main computer; I bring it to and from work every day. I spent a half of a day trying to recover the boot sector, but to no avail. So, instead, a new drive had to be installed, and all the various software I use for work (and for personal stuff), both old and new, had to be set up. What a pain. Fortunately I had all my data files backed up through the 8th of January (a week prior to the crash), and I managed to get my Outlook files backed up an hour before the thing died. Si what I lost in that week was 80% recovered within my inbox/sent items folders. The rest I had to rebuild. Despite my doing various forms of computer and IT work since 1986 (on the original IBM PC with a full-height 10mb hard disc) I HATE dealing with problems like this. The only positive involved was it happened Saturday morning (1am) on the MLK Day 3-day weekend, so aside from a trip to the store and one to work (to buy a new drive and to pick up a bunch of install cd’s I’d need) I was able to complete the task by Sunday night. This left us one day of the weekend to TRY and enjoy ourselves; computer problems make me a terrible grouch.
A lesser event, which was nearly as frustrating but which I am not counting as one of the big events, was a problem with Heather’s laptop that became more frequent over the same weekend. Both of us have Dell Inspiron 1525’s, but Heather’s is a good 6 months older than mine. For the last month or two, Heather laptop has powered down without warning once a week or so. This wasn’t a clean “shut down” but rather an instant “no power” type of thing. We both put it down to some kind of software glitch, or perhaps a bad sector on the hard drive. Suddenly on this same weekend – the weekend prior to Heather’s new school semester – the shutdowns were becoming much more frequent. A full scan of her drive found absolutely no problems. Looking through releases from Dell and Microsoft, and various independent web sites, it looked like a likely culprit could be the bios or the driver for her Ethernet card. I went ahead and upgraded both, and we hoped that would solve the problem.
It didn’t…ten minutes after I turned the desk back to Heather, the computer shut down again. Grrr. This was really the last thing I wanted to mess with after 48 hours of IT work, but it could not wait. If I couldn’t find a reasonable cause for the problem, I’d need to simply go ahead and buy Heather a new machine…she couldn’t afford to have it running in such an unstable fashion when four of her new classes were online-only.
The abrupt nature of these shutdowns led me to start thinking that perhaps the laptop was overheating. Could the cooling fan be broken? No, you could hear it running when the computer was on. It was when I started searching for problems specific to this model of laptop that I stumbled across the answer. As it turns out, a lot of people have experienced the same problem. If the machine is under warranty, Dell would often replace the motherboard or other parts…but from the posts I saw, that never solved the problem. Then I found the solution. It was simple to fix, but one I hadn’t expected.
One thing we always try to do is keep the laptop clean of dust, and compressed air is the usual tool for that task. I’d tried blowing the air directly into the vent from which the fan expels the hot air, and I figured it had to be clean. But, as it turns out, the Inspiron 1525 has a somewhat odd layout. The thermal-cooling assembly, which keeps the processor cooled, has a vent which sits directly BETWEEN the cooling fan and the vent out of the laptop. With just a screwdriver, I was able to remove the assembly and found the vent FILLED with dust and whatnot, and the area behind it (on the side of the fan) also full of dust. No amount of external air-blowing would clean this mess, but once removed, clearing the passages was easy. The whole procedure took five minutes, and since then her laptop has run fine. I have made a mental note to clear this same passage on both of our laptops every two to three months. This should eliminate the problem for good. I also bought a couple of inexpensive cooling stands for the laptops to sit on…they never seemed to run hot in general, but there’s no reason not to use them!
The second major event of the month took place that following Thursday. Heather emailed me at work to let me know what she’d twisted her back while moving some things around by her computer desk. This wasn’t a case of picking something heavy up without using her knees; she was just moving a light inkjet printer and felt like “someone had taken a muscle in my lower back and twisted it like a dishrag.” The pain wasn’t terrible, and she still planned on going out to spend the evening with her daughter. We’re such a graceful pair!
However, an hour before I left work she called me to say that the pain had gotten worse, and she couldn’t see any way she’d be able to go after all. When I got home I could see what tremendous discomfort she was in. She’d taken ½ of a Vicodin she’d have left over from a prior injury, and even that hadn’t done anything but take the edge off the agony. I examined her the best I could, and I was glad to see it didn’t appear she had done anything to her spine. My initial fear had been a herniated disk problem, or something that might require surgical correction. This seemed to be muscle-based, and lower than the spinal column, which I felt was better news…but that didn’t lessen the pain Heather was in. In fact, Thursday night she woke in screaming agony at 1am, and started the usual Doug and Heather ritual where we assume (and prepare for) the worst. We considered going to the hospital, but we both knew that would mean hours of time, and no real results. So we’d have to wait. There was no chance of getting in anywhere Friday, so Friday morning I made a Saturday doctor appointment for her, and Heather did her best to rest and sleep throughout the day. By Friday afternoon she felt an iota of improvement, so if nothing else she was hopeful that this would eventually get better.
The appointment went much better than I hoped. After a few X-Rays to rule out spinal injury, the Doctor came in to examine her (this is one of those Family Medicine clinics where if you have a sinus infection you just see a PA). She looked over the X-Rays and confirmed that this was a muscle sprain, but with likely no tearing of any kind. Then she performed what Heather considered a miracle. With just physical manipulation, she removed a good deal of Heather’s pain. This was because, apparently, the muscle was still in a somewhat twisted position. After untwisting it, Heather was able to walk in a generally normal manner. There was still pain, but not nearly as much. The Doctor explained that since more than 48 hours had now passed from the initial injury, the main treatment would no longer be rest but movement and walking normally, to keep the muscle from retreating to the prior twisted position. Heather left with a prescription for a muscle relaxant to lessen the spasms, and more Vicodin if needed for the pain, but also with instructions to walk as normally as possible. Favoring one leg or walking in fear of the pain would simply make it worse.
So, that’s your big update for this month. Get your orders in, sign up for games, participate, give feedback, and write letters..or I’ll give YOU a pain in the Gluteus you won’t forget!
The Month’s Playlist: George Carlin – On the Road; Original Broadway Cast Recording – Man of LaMancha; La Luna – Sara Brightman; Soundtrack – Ghost World; Soundtrack – Duets; Dino: The Essential Dean Martin – Dean Martin.
Fire and Rain – Part Three
After much arguing and discussing and threatening between herself and her family, Mara agreed to fly down to Florida (where her parents were living, or soon moving to – the exact circumstance escapes me). There she would become a short-term inpatient, followed by a longer-term outpatient, with yet another mental health facility. Mara didn’t seem interested in the program itself, nor in moving to Florida. But she knew that living with her sister was no longer going to be an option. Living with her parents would be even less tolerable. So, in some ways, this plan to enter the program would serve one purpose for her (as she wasn’t going to get anything out of the mental health aspect with the attitude she was carrying, and her past history): it would give her time to figure out what she would do about living somewhere.
The company I was working for at the time had a 1-800 number, so when she could Mara would call me on that. But I didn’t hear much of her for a month or so. The calls I did get were either simply calls looking for a friendly voice, or crying requests that she and I live together again, if only for a short time while she figured out what her next move would be. I just couldn’t see any logical reason for her to come back to Dallas. On the off chance that she was going to receive any support – financially or emotionally – from her family, moving back to Dallas would be the kiss of death. After all, I was (in their eyes) the person responsible for all of her problems. I was the one who turned her into the crazed adult she was now, instead of the happy child they remembered (funny that Mara never remembered being happy as a child). Plus, I was trying to move on with my life, to make this on-again-off again relationship with my girlfriend Andrea either work or gather enough strength to end it once and for all. So on these emotional occasions, I was forced to turn a deaf ear to her cries for help, and tell her that it wouldn’t be good for either of us. Like it or not, she was stuck in Florida.
Eventually Mara was switched to outpatient status, but was lucky enough to make use of some kind of apartment facility they had for the initially discharged patients. It was during this time that I heard about some new man in her life. Mara wouldn’t give me a lot of details, but apparently they met in the program and now were attempting to conduct some clandestine relationship (as it would be against the rules of the facility). He was recovering from drug addiction, and had other skeletons in his closet that Mara hadn’t felt comfortable revealing to me yet. But she wasn’t lonely, and felt loved. I didn’t see any real hope in the relationship, at first glance, but I’d managed to remove myself from the day-to-day structure of what she did and who she did it with that I didn’t find myself having nightmares or losing sleep over it. Yes, I was bothered; but in the back of my mind I was still looking at the time Mara was spending on this planet as temporary. Eventually – I was convinced – she’d kill herself…almost as if she was battling cancer and eventually it was going to eat her up inside. It was just a question of when.
It was at about this time that I decided I needed to approach Mara about a divorce. I no longer had any health insurance, so the main reason we had been staying married was gone. I was providing some financial support, $400 or $500 a month, and she had her disability payments as well. I told her I would continue to give her money as I was able, since I was making a lot less than I used to (this was after I’d lost my job in the series of events that would eventually lead me to prison a few years later). With the potential for lawsuits against me, this was not entirely selfish on my part…I feared that if one of her relatives died, and we were still married, any inheritance she received could be somehow at risk. And eventually one of us was going to want to get married again…I wasn’t planning on that on my end, but already Mara and her boyfriend had an eye to the future.
The divorce itself was very simple, since we had no children and basically no assets of value. I filed the divorce and sent a copy to Mara, with a return envelope for her to acknowledge receipt of the filing. The divorce paperwork simply stated we would no longer be married (I think grounds, if any, were abandonment), and that we accepted the fact that whatever personal property we now had in our possession was ours. There was no financial support to be given (not legally required anyway; Mara knew I was going to help her when I could). I had a few things in my storage unit which Mara wanted or considered hers, none with any monetary value. I agreed to hold them and care for them until such time that she could have me send them somewhere. (Funny, thinking of that reminds me of when Mara was leaving for her sister’s house for the final time, and her entire family seemed outrageously concerned that she be sure to “get the silverware” we’d been given as wedding gifts…silverware we had used once. It was always about money for them, never about emotion).
I handled everything from my end, overnighting paperwork to Mara when necessary with prepaid envelopes to send things back. Mara signed a decree that she did not with to appear or contest the divorce, and that she agreed with the terms. I waited a month or so for my court date to show up, and drove to a building in Waxahachie which was serving as the courthouse at the time. Sitting in the back of the courtroom, I could hear the two cases that took place before mine. These were very angry people, arguing over kids, money, cars…so much hatred in their voices. Relatives from both sides getting up to claim the other side of the marriage was Satan or Typhoid Mary. It reminded me of my parents, and how badly things ended there. The poor kids; I knew they’d suffer for the mistakes of these parents.
Finally it was my turn. I went up, handed the clerk the paperwork, and waited. The judge asked some questions, basically confirming the information on the pages. “Mara Kent is not here today?” “You have no children together?” “No major assets, property, real estate?” “Is there any hope for reconciliation?” Five minutes later it was done.
I walked out into the afternoon sun, and I felt completely empty and hollow. It was as if the universe had just officially declared my relationship with Mara, and all the years that went into it, a complete failure. I hadn’t expected to be upset by the divorce process. It was clean, easy, and inexpensive (the forms cost me about $80, and no lawyers were involved). We’d been apart for a few years, and this divorce was merely a formality; it was simply a question of when we bothered to go through the motions. Once I’d lost my health insurance, there wasn’t any real reason to stay married.
I went back to work and shuffled through the rest of the day, dispatching drivers and confirming details of jobs for the next day. I was sort of a zombie. My boss and friend Patty asked me how I felt, and I just shrugged my shoulders. I didn’t feel. I was just empty.
After work I considered going across the street to Coyotes and having a few drinks. But I didn’t want to see anybody. Andrea and I were in a short “off-again” stage, so I wasn’t going to answer the phone if she called. I drove the four blocks to my apartment, walked slowly up the stairs, and went inside.
I looked around. The living room was nearly empty; I had no sofa, as my old one would not fit through the door, and it had smelled terrible when I pulled it out of storage. There was no “living” going on there. I filled the cat bowls in the kitchen, and gave them fresh water. Tigger whined a hello, as always, and Whisper and Footy rubbed against me as they made their way to their meal. Their companionship was a bit reassuring, but it wasn’t making me feel like anything was right. Everything just felt wrong, and out of place.
The bedroom and the kitchen were the only two rooms left, and that’s where I spent my time. I got undressed, and tried to find some music to listen to. Nothing fit, nothing sounded right. I just climbed into bed and pulled the comforter over my head. One of the cats, probably Whisper, clawed at it, and then laid down beside me. It wasn’t completely dark out yet, but in my cave it was black. I was alone, and the world would never be the same again. I realized then that the marriage hadn’t simply ended, or been declared over by a court document. It had died. It was dead. Despite not seeing Mara since 1999 – three years earlier – life support had kept it alive. Now, it was cold and stiff; a corpse.
So I did the only thing that came naturally: I lay in bed and grieved. And after a mountain of sobs into my pillow, I cried myself to sleep.
Last month, we gave you these two hypotheticals: #1. You have lived with a wealthy “benefactor” for five years. You break up. Do you demand a palimony settlement? #2. You work at a bank. Another employee is blamed for your error involving thousands of dollars. You cannot be traced. Do you own up?
Melinda Holley - #1 No. I should have been saving money against the day of an eventual breakup or (as we all know from watching Lifetime movies as well as Law & Order) the day when my benefactor winds up mysteriously dead and the family tosses me out.
#2 Yes. This is a no-brainer. Why should I let someone else's life get trashed over my mistake?
Andy York - #1 Certainly not, no need even to discuss or consider.
#2 - Certainly, another person shouldn't have to suffer for your error.
Philip Murphy - #1. I admit
it's tempting to chase the money but I honestly think I wouldn't. If it wasn't
to be then I don't think I'd have a right to cash in as a gold-digger. That
would make me feel a sleaze. A divorce settlement on the other hand, if I had
committed myself to that sort of relationship, then there is some return due
that should be acknowledged if it doesn't work out. But palimony? I don't think
#2. I think, on balance, that I would. I'd be very uncomfortable seeing another taking the can for my mistake. I don't think my conscience would let me.
Robin ap Cynan - #1. No. There is no Law in England and Wales providing for this.
#2. No. (Naughty!)
Heather Taylor - #1. If I was the type of person who would live with a benefactor (aka Sugar Daddy) for five years, then I sure would sue for palimony. Yes. In reality I wouldn’t do either.
#2. Yes. I couldn’t live with myself. I’d hesitate if it was my most-hated person in the bank, but in the end I would own up anyway.
For Next Month (For the time being, I am selecting questions from the game “A Question of Scruples” which was published in 1984 by High Games Enterprises). Remember you can make your answers as detailed as you wish.: #1. You discover that your brother is selling classified information to a foreign power. Do you turn him in? #2. You heat the conversation of two strangers when you pick up your phone. Do you listen to it?
Up in the Air – I’ve never found George Clooney to be a great actor. He can be funny (O Brother, Where Art Thou) and carries his particular attitude-filled charm quite easily (Ocean’s 11 being a perfect example). But when I heard rave reviews for Up in the Air, directed by Jason Reitman, I felt I had to give it a shot. Reitman is very capable, and the plot seemed original enough to withstand scrutiny: Ryan Bingham (George Clooney) fires people for a living. His company is hired by other companies to handle the firing and transition process. His entire life is flying from city to city and telling people they no longer have a job. That got me…I was ready to see how this worked.
Bingham enjoys his life on the road. His character is a suave, charismatic alternate to the never-home Del Griffith in Planes, Trains, and Automobiles (the late John Candy). While Del pined for his old life, when his wife was still alive, Ryan Bingham has no wish to spend time in his tiny apartment. Home, for him, is in the air. Hotels, airports, offices, and airplane seats are where he feels comfortable. He even gives occasional motivational speeches, titled “What is in Your Backpack” to teach people how to live their lives without anything tying them down. Material possessions, friends, family…to Bingham they are unnecessary. They slow you down. “The slower you move,” he tells one group “the faster you die.” In fact, the only possession Clooney prizes are his frequent flier miles. They are, to him, his goal in life.
Jason Bateman, who plays Clooney’s boss, calls him back to the home office in Omaha. A young addition to the firm named Natalie (Anna Kendrick) has designed a process which allows the company to fire people via webcam. This would save the company a tremendous amount of money, and allow them to handle a larger client base. However, it would also force Clooney to spend his life in Omaha. That is a situation he cannot accept. And, in essence, his argument is a sound one: firing people is a tremendously personal process, and to do it in such an impersonal manner is a terrible idea. After a little office demonstration to reveal that she doesn’t have a tremendous grasp on what the firing process is truly like, Bateman orders Natalie to accompany Bingham on a road trip so he can “show her the ropes.”
Much of the humor in Up in the Air is found in Bingham’s perfection of the travel process. He lives out of one small rolling bag. He knows which rental car agencies are the fastest, which line to get in at the security checkpoint, and what to eat based on the per diem the company allows. He also strikes up a relationship with fellow traveler Alex (Vera Farmiga) who he meets at an airport lounge, where they compare travel status cards. Soon that relationship grows, which begins to complicate Bingham’s life…his “backpack” is no longer empty.
The mix of both bold and quiet humor, combined with old fashioned romanticism and the overall question of purpose in life (for all the major characters, not to mention the nameless individuals Clooney and his young pupil have to fire along the way) create a delicate balance, and a very powerful film. I wouldn’t be nominating Clooney for an Academy Award (in fact, I felt Kendrick gave the strongest performance as she walked the tightrope between self-assured go-getter and confused young adult) but I do highly recommend Up in the Air. It’s one of those quality, moving, though-provoking adult films which answer no questions, but still serve a great purpose.
Seen on DVD – Stargate (B-, but I forgot how much fun the James Spader character was). American History X (B, prison movies make me uneasy nowadays). Re-Animator (C, not as funny as it was when I was 17 and high). Meatballs (B+, haven’t seen it in 20 years, can still recite it almost word for word). The Woodsman (B+, Kevin Bacon succeeds in a very difficult task: making you feel occasional sympathy for a sex offender).
Hood: Doug, I have missed a few
issues, been busy as hell. Work, playing in a church basketball league
again, did another musical, that sort of thing.
Thank you again for your wonderful writing about your personal experiences. I understand you are doing
it partially for catharsis I am sure, but it is really quite good on its own.
That Panthers-Giants game, along with one other recent victory, probably saved the job of Carolina's coach. So I understand your pain but it was necessary to give us another shot next year with a coach who has proven himself to be pretty good over the years.
Thanks for the kind words on my writing. I am TRYING to do editing on various pieces that have appeared here (and a few that have not) to compile a book on my prison experiences, but I just have not gotten very far with it. Too many hours with work is the main problem. Then, when I do have some time, I prefer to make sure I have at least something new for ES. I’ll get it done one of these days!
I don’t think the Giants had much of a chance to go anywhere in the playoffs even if they had made it, so I’m fine with how things turned out. Besides, Minnesota’s thrashing of the Cowboys will keep me smiling into baseball season.
John David Galt: I agree with Paul
Milewski's conclusions that war is unprofitable and that there ought to be a
game that reflects the fact, and Diplomacy isn't it. But I disagree with a lot of his alleged
First, was there ever really a consensus that the loser of a war should pay reparations?
The only time I know of this being done before 1918 was after the Franco-Prussian war and German reunification in 1871, where Germany won and France had to pay. Germany's (very arguable) justification for this was the Thirty Years War (1618-1648), a war which was fought in Germany but mostly by and for France, Sweden, Spain, and Hungary. That war killed over 30% of the German population, and broke up the Holy Roman Empire into hundreds of tiny states (minus whole provinces taken as spoil by France, Sweden, and Denmark, and a rump which became Austria-Hungary). It took them until 1871 to reunify. But even if you consider the reparation demand of 1871 justified, it provoked 1918, which then provoked 1939.
I see two lessons to be learned from these bits of history:
(1) Anger, like pride, goes before a fall. Revenge usually isn't worth it. Nationalistic politicians who blame other countries for their troubles and want to "get even" -- even if justified -- will only make things worse.
(2) If you're going to really ruin and humiliate an enemy country, don't let them stay independent afterward, because eventually they WILL rise again, burning for revenge. Instead, annex (or at least occupy) them for a couple of generations, so their kids will learn history as written by you. Only then can you expect to have long-term peace.
(I believe both Germany and Japan post-WW2 are examples of this strategy being applied successfully -- though with Japan we can't be really sure, since a lot of their war criminals were exempted from 'fessing up.)
It seems to me that both these lessons apply to our own adventures in Iraq and Afghanistan, not just recently but from WW1 to the present day, and neither President Obama nor any of the last six before him has learned them. The Middle East is the mess that it is today because Britain overthrew the Ottoman Empire and took Egypt, Arabia, and Iraq from them in WW1 -- which in several ways is quite comparable to the Thirty Years War.
No matter what those people may do to us, we should either go all the way -- conquer and occupy the entire Middle East for the next 60 years -- or forget about sending any troops there at all. Any course in between is nothing but a huge, stupid waste of American blood and treasure.
(Besides, what do we have to lose? America and Canada have more than enough oil for ourselves. Europe and Japan constantly complain of Russia "holding hostage" their oil and gas supply, and they're right, but if it
hurts them enough they can always go fight their own wars in Arabia, or make their own deals there. Arabia doesn't need to be America's problem.)
To show this in a game, I'd start with an economic competition that allows each side to build up forces until one or the other decides to attack. Income would be represented by factories or cities which get destroyed if
battles are fought there, and which have to be intact to build tanks or planes. Eventually the players either make peace, or knock each other back to the stone age.
Regarding amphibious attacks:
The obvious success story is Normandy, though it was hugely expensive. About 200,000 men went in the first day, of whom 140,000 died. MacArthur thought he'd be able to make a similar sized landing on Kyushu at a cost of only 80,000 men; we don't know what it really would have cost, but both the Japanese and MacArthur did conduct one amphib attack after another on Pacific islands, mostly to take or build airstrips that would extend the
range of their bombers to reach the next target. The Japanese wanted Australia; if they'd won the sea battles to get there, I don't think their beachhead would have cost them anywhere near as much.
Regarding hate and stabs:
Yes, national hatreds exist, but not all countries going to war have them, and a glib enough politician can talk his people into or out of almost anything. Then there are bribes and opportunism. In WW1, both Italy and (I believe) Romania had signed a treaty to join the Central Powers, but both countries delayed declaring war (their economies weren't up to it) and both eventually joined the Allies after we offered them land in Austria-Hungary. And of course, the Russians had their revolution with German help, then made a separate peace.
Thanks for the thoughtful commentary John. I’ll be interested to hear Paul’s response (if any) and the thoughts of our readers.
Read This If You’re Having Trouble Falling Asleep
by Paul Milewski
Andy Lischett’s specification in his Cheesecake houserules that “the 1971/76 rulebook will be used” is an example of what used to be a common practice in the postal Diplomacy hobby, when there was a postal Diplomacy hobby to speak of, of sticking to the older rulebook notwithstanding subsequent revisions by Avalon-Hill or its successor in interest. Unfortunately, sometimes the 1976 rulebook, of which I have a copy, leaves something to be desired.
One rule that used to kindle consternation was XII.5.A A CONVOYED ATTACK DOES NOT PROTECT THE CONVOYING FLEET: “If A Convoyed army attacks a fleet which is supporting a fleet which is attacking one of the convoying fleets, that support is not cut.” In the “2nd Edition/Feb. ‘82” rulebook (which I will refer to as the 1982 rulebook), XII.5.A morphed into XII.5 A CONVOYED ATTACK DOES NOT CUT CERTAIN SUPPORTS: “If a convoyed army attacks a fleet which is supporting an action in a body of water; and that body of water contains a convoying fleet, that support is not cut.” Oddly enough, the example given to illustrate the application of the rule is exactly the same in both rulebooks: FRANCE: A Spa-Nap, F Lyo C A Spa-Nap, F Tyr C A Spa-Nap; ITALY: F Ion-Tyr, F Nap S F Ion-Tyr. The accompanying narrative is, “without this rule, France could argue that the army cut the support of the fleet in Naples, thus protecting the convoying fleet from dislodgment, while Italy could argue that dislodgment of the fleet disrupted the convoy so that the army could not arrive at Naples to cut the support.” That is word for the word exactly the same example in both rulebooks. However, consider instead: FRANCE: A Spa-Nap, F Lyo C A Spa-Nap, F Tyr C A Spa-Nap; ITALY: F Nap S F Tun-Ion, F Tun-Ion; TURKEY: F Ion C A Gre-Apu, A Gre-Apu. Under the 1976 rulebook, F Nap S F Tun-Ion would be cut because F Nap is not “supporting a fleet which is attacking one of the convoying fleets” (F Lyo or F Tyr, though only F Tyr would be possible for F Nap). Under the 1982 rulebook, F Nap S F Tun-Ion is not cut, because F Nap “is supporting an action in a body of water (Ion); and that body of water (Ion) contains a convoying fleet.” At the very least, it makes a world of difference to say “a convoying fleet” instead of “one of the convoying fleets.”
(Remember the last sentence of IX.6 HOLDING AND RECEIVING SUPPORT: “A player may not, by an attack, cut support being given by one of his own units.”) I think a better revision of 1976 XII.5.A would have been to provide that “if a convoyed army attacks a fleet, the result of that attack is the same as if the convoying fleet were the attacking unit instead of the army except that if the attack succeeds, it is the army, and not the convoying fleet, that moves to the space attacked.” So far as that goes, what about the last sentence of IX.3 SELF-DISLODGMENT PROHIBITED? “Similarly, an order by one country which supports an attack by another country against a space occupied by one of the first country’s units does not permit a move dislodging that unit, but may be valid for other purposes.” Is dislodgment of a French unit okay if it is dislodged by a unit of another country that is convoyed by a French fleet?
Another rule change from 1976 to 1982 was the 1976 XII.4 AMBIGUOUS CONVOY ROUTES: “If the orders as written permit more than one route by which the convoyed army could proceed from its source to its destination, the order is not void on account of the ambiguity; but if any of the possible routes are destroyed by the dislodgment of a fleet, the army may not move.” This was completely reversed in the 1982 rulebook, in which we find XII.4 MORE THAN ONE CONVOY ROUTE: “If the orders as written permit more than one route by which the convoyed army could proceed from its source to its destination, the order is not void on account of this ambiguity; and the army is not prevented from moving due to dislodgments of fleets, unless all the routes are disrupted.”
The real peach is probably the last sentence of VII.4 MECHANICS OF WRITING ORDERS: “A badly written order, which nevertheless can have only one meaning, must be followed.” What does “badly written” mean? Sloppy handwriting? The guy is dyslexic? If it can have only one meaning, how can you say it is badly written? The amazing thing to me is that this one remained unchanged in the 1982 rulebook from the 1976 rulebook. In the postal hobby, you always had what I have heard referred to as the intentionally miswritten order. Did Whoever wrote this rule envision people sitting around an old card table in somebody’s basement writing their orders on scraps of old newspapers?
A real doozy found in the 1982 rulebook that has no counterpart in the 1976 rulebook is XII.6 BOTH A CONVOY ROUTE AND AN OVERLAND ROUTE: “If an army could arrive at its destination either overland or by convoy, one route must be considered and the other disregarded, depending upon intent as shown by the totality of the orders written by the player governing the army.” This little gem apparently was added to accommodate a quirk of the software being released at the time to permit playing Diplomacy on a personal computer, in which FRANCE: A Spa-Mar, F Lyo C A Spa-Mar would have to be written with something along the lines of “A Spa-Mar by convoy” or A Spa would be treated as moving overland, notwithstanding France’s ordering its F Lyo to convoy. Otherwise, XII.6 is pretty much useless. I cannot imagine why the rulebook wasn’t changed to explicitly state that you’d have to write “A Spa-Mar by convoy.” Even worse, XII.6 doesn’t directly deal with the “unwanted” convoy in which France orders A Spa-Mar and Italy orders its F Lyo C French A Spa-Mar. Requiring France to write “A Spa-Mar by convoy” would. So far as that goes, why not reshape XII.6 in the mold of 1982 XII.4 and treat A Spa as having two routes to get to Mar and both routes have to be disrupted for the move to Mar to fail? Where’s the consistency?
A rule that could be improved upon is XIV.4 CIVIL DISORDER REMOVALS: “If a country in civil disorder has to remove units, because it has lost supply centers, the unit farthest from home (most distant from the nearest home supply center as computed by the shortest available route, including convoys) is removed first…” Why not just say “the unit (army or fleet) farthest from home (most distant from the nearest home center as computed by number of spaces, land or water, not counting Switzerland)?” By my reasoning, a Russian A Con is 2 spaces from the nearest home supply center (Sev), counting the Black Sea as the route regardless of whether there is a Russian or any other fleet in the Black Sea at the moment that could convoy the army to Sev. Some would disagree, and it is a point on which reasonable could disagree, because the rule could have been better written. In some respected and popular Diplomacy zines, the Russian A Con would be considered to be 3 spaces from Sev unless there is a Russian fleet in the Black Sea at the moment.
Why take the time and trouble to write a rulebook in such awkward and convoluted sentences and not go the extra distance to say exactly what you mean and carefully consider what you’ve written means? Why use so many semicolons and commas? Who knows?
Out of the WAY #15
by W. Andrew York
(wandrew88 of gmail.com)
Pretty quiet around here with nothing exceptional to report that is going on. I’m starting to nose around to decide if I’m moving at the end of my lease. I’ve been in this apartment for about eight years and the nature of the community has changed quite a bit. There are still a couple of long-time neighbors and friends, but most of the rest of the nearby apartments are filled with new folks. On the negative side, I’ve been here a long time and the amount of treasures (or junk, depending on your view) that I’d have to go through to move is definitely something to consider - maybe I should stay here one more year to allow me to sort out boxes and such (sounds like what I said last year!).
The third week in February, I’ll be out OwlCon in Houston running Rail Baron and Ticket to Ride events. I’m signed up to play in a Confederate Rails game and a Car Wars match, so it should be a grand time. If you’re in the area, definitely consider attending. It is an extremely well run con on the Rice campus - last year was my first year, and I immediately put it on my schedule for this year. And, there is a Dip game Sunday afternoon.
Below is mostly the usual. Another letter is revealed in the Hangman game and my brussel sprouts recipe I used Sunday night is included. Feel free to join in the game, respond to the poll question or send in a letter. As always, suggestions of what to include or new features to add are very welcome.
As a side note, OwlCon weekend is also the weekend deadline for this column. So, if possible, the earlier you can send things in, the better. I’m sure that Monday is going to be cramming in my weekend chores, as well as putting this together.
Each month a question will be posed to the readership. Your thoughts and commentary are solicited for the next issue. Also, any response to
what folks have submitted for the previous question are very welcome.
This issue: What award or prize (Pulitzer, Obie, Nobel, Oscar, MVP of a sport, etc) would you most
want to achieve (yes, and why.....)?
[WAY] For me, I doubt I’d ever be in the running for anything like these. But, one that I’ve thought would be nice to receive would be a
McArthur Grant - an acknowledgement of potential and the funds to achieve something (afford a sabbatical to do research and write a
book, travel for inspiration and enlightenment, be able to substantially support a cause outside of the mainstream).
For next issue: How much do you trust online rating and review websites? Which are the best, the worst?
In The Very Long Night of Londo Mollari:
Londo: “You have that vacant look in your eyes that says ‘hold my head to your ear, and you will hear the sea.’”
Source: But In Purple...I’m Stunning! by J. Michael Straczynski, edited by Sara “Samm” Barnes, copyright 2008.
(always welcome, send them in!)
February 11, 1990 - Nelson Mandela is freed from prison in South Africa. <<See Invictus - excellent movie!>>
February 15, 1940 - The Finns retreat from the Mannerheim Line, after Soviet attacks cracked it on the 11th and counterattacks failed to
dislodge their salient.
February 16, 1940 - The German supply ship Altmark is stopped by British naval forces in Norwegian territorial waters. British prisoners are
freed while the Norwegian torpedo boat escorting the ship takes no action.
February 19, 1940 - The next Finnish defense line is breached.
February 21, 1940 - Building begins on the Auschwitz concentration camp.
February 24, 1940 - Mainstein’s revised plan for the attack on France and the low countries is approved and new battle plans are distributed..
February 29, 1940 - Finland’s government decides to give in to the Soviet Union demands. However, France and Britain make a series of
promises to support continued resistance, basically saying anything to prevent their surrender.
Sources include: current issue of Smithsonian; The World Almanac Book of World War II edited by Peter Young
Recipe Philosophy: Except for baking, recipes are only suggestions. I rarely precisely measure, eyeballing most everything. The listed
measurements, for the most part, are estimates from the last time I made the recipe. Feel free to adjust to meet your personal tastes –
and remember, it is easier to add “more” of something than to compensate when “too much” has been added.
For ingredients, if you don’t like raw onions, omit them or replace with celery to retain the crunchiness. If you like food with more spice, add
an extra jalapeno or use habenaros instead. On the other hand, if you don’t like spicy food, replace the jalapeno with half a bell
pepper. Optional items are used when I’m looking for a variation or making it for individuals with specific preferences.
Pan-Roasted Brussel Sprouts
version by W Andrew York
(last revised January 2010)
1 lb Brussel Sprouts (if at all possible, of similar size)
1 cup Diced Onions
2 Cloves Garlic, finely chopped
Salt and Pepper
1) Trim brussel sprout stems and score with an “X”, removing any damaged leaves.
2) Steam sprouts until just tender (4 minutes for smaller, up to 10 minutes for large ones)
3) Blanch in cold water to stop the cooking
4) Cut sprouts in half, or quarter for larger ones
5) Heat oil over medium burner, once hot, add onions and a large pinch of salt.
6) Once onions start caramelizing, toss in garlic for 30 seconds
7) Add halved sprouts and turn cut-side down. Let cook until browned.
8) Toss pan a few times to ensure they are heated through.
9) Season with Salt and Pepper to taste, serve.
- If possible, buy the sprouts on the stalk for a fresher vegetable
- Can add a few splashes of orange juice near the end of cooking for a brighter flavor
- Instead of olive oil, dice 3-4 slices of bacon and render before adding the onions
There have been on-going discussions in Texas about the gas tax. As it hasn’t been raised in decades, the ability to improve roads and infrastructure continues to decline as costs rise (and don’t even ask about how much of the tax is diverted to non-transportation use). The solution, in some corners, isn’t to raise the tax - it is to replace it with a mileage based fee.
How the fee would be determined, in the simplest terms, would be during the annual inspection. The mileage driven in the past year would be determined by subtracting from the current odometer reading the mileage recorded during the previous inspection. However, critics of that approach say that the mileage cost would include miles driven off-road or in other states.
An alternative proposed to address that issue is to install in each vehicle a GPS unit. Therefore, only those miles driven on Texas public roads would be counted. However, that brings up privacy and “big brother” concerns, as well as the added cost to retrofit existing vehicles or those purchased outside of Texas. Both options have the added bonus of gathering money from electric cars which, currently, pay no gas tax.
Personally, I think the gas tax simply needs to be raised. Anyone who drives on Texas roads, and buys gas, will pay - not just residents with vehicles registered in the state. Yes, folks near the borders can drive across state lines and avoid paying the tax; however, that is more than outweighed by the revenue from out-of-state registered vehicles buying gas while driving in the state.
Other benefits include encouraging folks to buy and drive more economical vehicles (with a side benefit of reducing air pollution and dependence on foreign oil), the tax money flows into state coffers on a regular basis not just at the end of a year and there already is an existing infrastructure to collect and disperse the tax - there is no need to create additional bureaucracy to track mileage or crunch GPS numbers (including which miles are taxable and which aren’t).
Besides the border residents being able to avoid the tax, there are other negatives in raising the tax. They include taxes collected on gas bought for non-vehicle uses (including off-road or farms vehicles, chainsaws or lawn mowers) and “black-market” gas (though I’ve not heard that this is a widespread problem). On the other hand, one big plus a gas tax has over the mileage based one is with the large number of vehicles in the state that are unregistered or uninspected - and have to have gas. As they already are “under the radar,” shifting away from the gas tax focuses the burden solely on those who follow the law while increasing the incentive to those who flaunt the law.
However, I’m still listening and am willing to change my mind if the arguments become more persuasive. And, there may be another alternative out there instead of a gas tax or a mileage fee that may be a better solution.
Hangman, By Definition
This is a five round game, with each round consisting of a variable number of turns. The winner will be the person who wins the most rounds, with a tie breaker being fewest total number of turns in those winning rounds. Second tie breaker will be the most number of letters guessed (by total count revealed, not by individual letter).
Each round will consist of identifying a word of at least six letters. Along with each word will be the first definition given. Both words and definitions will be identified by blank spaces. Words and definitions are verified in a dictionary that was my high school graduation gift (slight hint to those who might want to find the edition). [[Note – for the first round of this game, an online source was used]]
The goal is to guess the word in as few turns as possible. Each turn, all players will submit one letter to be revealed. The letter submitted by the most players will be the letter revealed in the next turn. Ties will be broken by a random method. Additionally, each player should submit a guess for the word. Once the word is correctly identified (spelling is important), that round will end and a new round will begin. All players who guess the word in the same turn will share in the win for the round. If the word is not guessed by the end of six turns with no letter revealed, no one will win the round.
Along with revealing letters in the word, letters will be revealed in the definition. There are no bonus points for guessing any part of the definition, it is only there to help players figure out the word. No guesses about parts of the definition will be confirmed or displayed except by the letter revealed in that round. The letters “E” and “S” can never be chosen as the letter to be revealed..
Game 2, Round One, Turn Two:
Letter Votes: R - 1, T - 2 Revealed: T
Words Guessed: Brendan Whyte - Robbery; Dane Maslen - <None>; Jim-Bob - Pickup
Word: __ __ __ __ __ __ __
Definition: A __ __ __ __ __; __ __ __ T __ __
Never Revealed: E, S Already Revealed: A, T
Game Words Correctly Guessed: None, yet
[Jim-Bob] A TRUCK; something or other. So, I guess Pick-up.
[Mark Lew] Oops, I see I missed the deadline. [WAY] Even if you miss the deadline, feel free to send something in. If possible,
I’ll try to shoehorn it in up until Doug publishes the zine. [Mark] Didn’t even look till just now (getting my orders for the
Deviant Dip Game). I see the A didn’t reveal much. We already knew that one was an A, so all we really learned is that
there aren’t any more A’s elsewhere. I doubt that’s enough for Dane to guess it from. Hopefully I’ll remember to look
next month, but we’ll see. [WAY] I certainly hope you do!
[Dane Maslen] Nothing better to do at present than to try to find a letter.
Possible future game openings - Railway Rivals (Galt), Empire Builder (Galt), Liftoff!, Pandemic (Westling)
Suggestions accepted for other games to offer - Agricola (Galt - I don’t have this one, and they were out at my gaming store when I last visited.
I’ll look next time).
Deadline for the Next Issue of Out of the WAY:
February 20, 2010 at 7:00am – See You Then!
Game entries, letters of comment and other material can be sent to:
wandrew88 at gmail.com; or by post to: W. Andrew York; POB 201117; Austin TX 78720-1117
Mike Scott is looking for players in Advanced Civilization, Gunslinger, and Kingmaker. I think these games will be run via electronic zine/email, but I am not 100% sure on the details. If interested, contact him IMMEDIATELY at mikesmag “of” sbcglobal.net
Brain Farts: The Only Subsubzine With It’s Own Fragrance
By Jack “Flapjack” McHugh – email@example.com
(or just email Doug and he’ll send it to me)
I am now available for both full and part-time work, as I lost my part time job this month. Anybody who knows of any IT openings in my area (southwest New Jersey, near Pennsylvania) please let me know. It sure isn’t easy to find anything; I’ve been looking for a year now. I’ve had some good interviews, but no luck in the end. With that in mind, I don’t have much energy to write this month. I had plenty to say on the Eagles and the Sixers, but I’m not into it today. You will just have to be satisfied with the game and some jokes. It’s better than nothing, and it is free, so if you don’t like it you can stuff it up your nose and light it on fire for all I care.
Adult’s-Only By Popular Demand
The players so far: Heather Taylor (HT), Mark D Lew (MDL), Martin Burgdorf (MB), John David Galt (JDG), Kevin Wilson (KW), Paraic Reddington (PR), Michael Moulton (MM), Bill Brown (BB), Brendan Whyte (BW).
First, Paraic Reddington had this to say about last round: After reading the suggestion for - A popular actress who has taken her top off in a movie - I could imagine EVERY single reader trying to visualize the relevant movie and the scene. Nice.
Thanks for the note. I remember an interview on the radio with that some guy who wrote a book about exactly what scenes, and how many minutes and seconds into a movie, you can see nudity. He describes what kind of nudity, who you see, etc. I bet he has a web site too.
Round 2 categories and responses:
New Scores: Martin Burgdorf (MB) – 49, Bill Brown (BB) - 48, Heather Taylor (HT) - 46, Paraic Reddington (PR) - 42, Brendan Whyte (BW) – 41, Michael Moulton -(MM) - 39, Mark D Lew (MDL) - 38, Kevin Wilson (KW) - 37, John David Galt (JDG) – 17.
Round 3 Categories:
1. A color of vibrator or dildo.
2. An implement used by a dominatrix.
3. A word besides prostitute used to refer to one.
4. An R-rated film which has a lot of sex or nudity.
5. A name strippers use as their stage name.
Deadline will be the Friday before Doug’s deadline, which means this month it will be February 19th at midnight.
A man picks a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, the Doctor tells the patient that he was doing 'fairly well' for his age of 65. A little concerned about that comment, the patient couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?' The Doctor asked 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?' 'Oh no,' he replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'
Then the Doctor asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs? 'Not much.... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'
'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?' 'No, I don't,' the patient said.
He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?' 'No,' the patient responded.
The Doctor looked at the patient and said “Then, why do you even give a shit? “
In terms of airline security, the comedian Ron White commented on TV this month “Look, if a person has 7 H's in their name and is carrying a basket of Cobra's…check their shoes for fuses.”
Bob works hard at the office but spends two nights each week bowling,
and plays golf every Saturday. His
wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to
a local strip club. The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey,
Bob! How ya doin?' His wife is puzzled
and asks if he's been to this club before. 'Oh no,' says Bob. 'He's in my
When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she know that you drink Budweiser?' 'I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.'
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says, 'Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?' Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it . She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book..The cabby turns around and says, 'Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time.'
Bob's funeral will be on Saturday.
Diplomacy (Black Press – Permanent Opening in ES): Signed up: None, needs seven to fill.
Gunboat Diplomacy (Black Press): Signed up: One, need six more to fill. Sign up now!
Diplomacy Bourse (Black Press): Buy and sell the currencies of the Diplomacy nations. This Bourse is using the new game “Dulcinea” as its basis. Players may join at any time, and are then given 1000 units of every currency still in circulation. The rules to Bourse can be found in ES #24.
By Popular Demand: Game currently underway, join any time.
Adult’s Only By Popular Demand: Game in Jack’s sub-subzine “Brain Farts.” Join any time.
Eternal Sunshine Movie Quote Quiz: 10 rounds, join any time. You can find it at the end of the zine.
Standby List: HELP! I need standby players! – Current standby list: Graham Wilson, Jim Burgess (Dip only), Jeremie Lefrancois (Dip only), Lance Anderson (Dip only), Martin Burgdorf, Paul Milewski (Dip only), and whoever I beg into it in an emergency.
I may offer another Gunboat 7x7 soon, so keep your eyes open. I’m also considering variants like Cline 9-Man (one player has shown interest so far), Youngstown, or Woolworth. Does anybody have an interest in Kremlin? If somebody wants to guest-GM a game of anything, just say the word. If you have specific game requests please let me know.
Diplomacy “Wouldn’t It Be Nice?” 2008A, Spring 1909
Austria (Kevin Wilson - ckevinw “of” comcast.net): A Galicia - Ukraine (*Fails*), F Greece Hold,
F Ionian Sea – Naples, A Serbia – Budapest, A Ukraine - Moscow (*Bounce*), A Vienna – Trieste,
A Warsaw Supports A Ukraine - Moscow.
England (Jérémie LeFrançois - jeremie.lefrancois “of”gmail.com): F Belgium - English Channel,
F Berlin - Baltic Sea, F Denmark - Helgoland Bight, A Edinburgh Hold, F Holland - North Sea,
F Irish Sea Supports F North Atlantic Ocean - Mid-Atlantic Ocean, A Kiel – Berlin, A Liverpool – Yorkshire,
A Livonia Supports A Sevastopol – Moscow, A London Hold, F Mid-Atlantic Ocean – Portugal,
F North Atlantic Ocean - Mid-Atlantic Ocean (*Fails*), A Sevastopol - Moscow (*Bounce*).
France (William Wood – wxmanwill “of” hotmail.com): A Gascony Supports A Paris,
A Paris Supports A Gascony.
Germany (Graham Wilson – grahamaw “of” rogers.com): A Ruhr - Munich.
Italy (Don Williams – dwilliam “of” fontana.org): F Gulf of Lyon - Spain(sc),
A Marseilles Supports F Gulf of Lyon - Spain(sc), F North Africa Supports F Spain(nc) - Mid-Atlantic Ocean,
A Rome NMR, F Spain(nc) - Mid-Atlantic Ocean,
F Western Mediterranean Supports F Spain(nc) - Mid-Atlantic Ocean.
Turkey (Brad Wilson - bwdolphin146 “of”yahoo.com): Aegean Sea - Greece (*Fails*), A Ankara – Bulgaria,
F Black Sea Convoys A Ankara – Bulgaria, A Constantinople Supports A Ankara – Bulgaria,
F Rumania Supports A Ankara - Bulgaria.
Fall 09 Deadline is February 23rd at 7:00am my time
Germany -> France: Be kind to your strangely loyal toady, oh great one!
France to England: Mercy is the mark of a true gentlemen.
Diplomacy “Dulcinea” 2008C, Spring 1906
Game Delayed Due to New Austrian Player!
Austria (Lance Anderson – lance_anderson “of” hotmail.com): Has F Adriatic Sea, A Galicia, A Piedmont,
A Tyrolia, A Venice, A Vienna, A Warsaw.
England (Philip Murphy trekkypj “of” gmail.com): Has A Brest, F English Channel, F London,
F Mid-Atlantic Ocean, F North Atlantic Ocean, F Norwegian Sea, A St Petersburg.
France (Brad Wilson – bwdolphin146 ”of” yahoo.com): Has A Paris, F Portugal.
Germany (William Wood – wxmanwill “of” hotmail.com): Has A Belgium, A Bohemia, F Livonia, A Munich,
A Ruhr, A Silesia.
Italy (Melinda Holley – genea5613 “of” aol.com): Has A Marseilles, F Spain(sc), F Western Mediterranean.
Turkey (Jim Burgess – jfburgess “of” gmail.com): Has F Aegean Sea, F Constantinople, F Ionian Sea,
A Moscow, F Naples, F Rome, F Sevastopol, F Smyrna, A Tuscany.
Lance Anderson has taken over for Stephen Agar as ruler of Austria, as previously announced. Please write him!
Spring 06 Deadline is now February 23rd at 7:00am my time
“Dulcinea” Diplomacy Bourse
Billy Ray Valentine: No activity.
Duke of York: No activity.
Smaug the Dragon: Sell 500 Marks, 500 Francs, 500 Crowns, 273 Pounds.
Rothschild: Sells 500 Francs and 257 Marks. Buys 482 Crowns.
Baron Wuffet: No activity.
Wooden Nickel Enterprises: No activity.
VAIONT Enterprises: No activity.
Insider Trading LLC: Sell 500 Lire. Buy 199 Pounds.
Bourse Master: Sells 500 Marks, 500 Francs, 500 Crowns, 500 Lire. Buys 458 Piastres.
Next Bourse Deadline is February 22nd at 7:00pm my time
Rothschild -> "Dragon": E will surely lose this war - the king should have built an A instead of a F.
Smaug the Magnificant to ALL - Right. Enough joking around. What I want to know is... who stole my lucky gold loonie? Was it you? Own up what done it! *snorts flames nastily*
Austria (William Wood – wxmanwill “of” hotmail.com): Build A Trieste..
F Aegean Sea Supports A Serbia - Bulgaria (*Cut*), A Galicia Supports A Rumania,
A Greece Supports A Serbia – Bulgaria, A Rumania Supports F Sevastopol (*Ordered to Move*),
A Serbia – Bulgaria, A Trieste - Serbia.
England (Robert Jewett – Robert_Jewett “of” navyfederal.org and robertjewett “of” yahoo.com):
Build A London..F Barents Sea Supports A Norway - St Petersburg, A London – Norway,
F North Sea Convoys A London – Norway, A Norway - St Petersburg, A St Petersburg - Livonia.
France (Paraic Reddington - Paraic.Reddington “of” vix-erg.com): A Belgium - Burgundy (*Bounce*),
F Gulf of Lyon - Tyrrhenian Sea, A Marseilles - Piedmont (*Fails*), F Mid-Atlantic Ocean - Irish Sea,
A Tuscany – Rome, F Western Mediterranean Supports F Gulf of Lyon - Tyrrhenian Sea.
Germany (Philip Murphy trekkypj “of” gmail.com): Build A Munich, F Kiel, F Berlin..
F Berlin - Baltic Sea (*Fails*), F Denmark – Skagerrak, A Holland Hold, F Kiel – Denmark,
A Munich - Burgundy (*Bounce*), A Prussia Supports A St Petersburg – Livonia, A Warsaw Supports A Prussia.
Italy (Ian Pringle - pringle.ian “of” btinternet.com): F Eastern Mediterranean - Ionian Sea (*Fails*),
F Ionian Sea - Tyrrhenian Sea (*Fails*), A Piedmont - Marseilles (*Fails*), A Tunis Hold.
Russia (Don Williams – dwilliam “of” fontana.org): Ret A Warsaw - Livonia.. Remove A Livonia,
A Moscow..F Baltic Sea
Supports F North Sea - Denmark (*Void*),
F Sevastopol - Armenia
Turkey (Graham Wilson – grahamaw “of” rogers.com): Ret A Rumania – OTB.. Build F Smyrna..
A Armenia – Sevastopol, F Black Sea Supports A Armenia – Sevastopol,
F Constantinople - Aegean Sea (*Fails*), F Smyrna - Eastern Mediterranean (*Fails*).
Fall 1903 Deadline is February 23rd at 7:00am my time
Turkey -> Italy: Well, I guess you're feeling down right bloody
Turkey -> Austria / Italy: 'Twas fun while it lasted lads, but we're facing a Western triple. Back off now, or none of us will make it. Please leave me Bulgaria, and I will focus on fleets to push France back out of the Med. Austria, I just hope you built an army this turn!
White Press Diplomacy “Creepshow” 2009D, Fall 1901
Austria (Brad Wilson - bwdolphin146 “of”yahoo.com): F Albania – Greece,
A Serbia Supports F Albania - Greece (*Cut*), A Vienna - Galicia (*Bounce*).
England (Chuy Cronin – chuykdc_92 “of” hotmail.com): F North Sea Convoys A Yorkshire – Denmark,
F Norwegian Sea – Norway, A Yorkshire - Denmark (*Bounce*).
France (Michael Cronin – mfmcronin “of” q.com): F English Channel – Belgium,
A Picardy Supports F English Channel – Belgium, A Spain - Portugal.
Germany (Pat Vogelsang – godawgsgo33 “of” yahoo.com): F Holland - North Sea (*Fails*),
A Kiel - Denmark (*Bounce*), A Munich - Ruhr.
Italy (Graham Wilson – grahamaw “of” rogers.com): F Ionian Sea – Tunis, A Rome – Apulia, A Venice Hold.
Russia (Kevin Wilson - ckevinw “of” comcast.net): F Rum s English A Yor back to Great Britain (Holds),
F Gulf of Bothnia – Sweden, A Moscow – Ukraine, A Warsaw - Galicia (*Bounce*).
Turkey (Larry Cronin – lcroninmd “of” msn.com): A Bulgaria - Serbia (*Fails*),
F Constantinople - Aegean Sea, A Smyrna - Constantinople.
Winter 1901/Spring 1902 Deadline is February 23rd at 7:00am my time
Winter will be separated if two players request it.
Supply Center Chart:
Austria: Budapest, Greece, Serbia, Trieste, Vienna=5, Build 2
England: Edinburgh, Liverpool, London, Norway=4, Build 1
France: Belgium, Brest, Marseilles, Paris, Portugal=5, Build 2
Germany: Berlin, Holland, Kiel, Munich=4, Build 1
Italy: Naples, Rome, Tunis, Venice=4, Build 1
Russia: Moscow, Rumania, Sevastopol, St Petersburg, Sweden, Warsaw=6, Build 2
Turkey: Ankara, Bulgaria, Constantinople, Smyrna=4, Build 1
Unowned: Denmark, Spain.
To All: "Italy apologizes for lack of communication, then does
little about it..."
F-G: Going as planned.
Turkey to my sons out in the sunny west: Quit your bickering. One minute you're helping each other and the next you're trying to kill one another. I'm going to make you go to bed early!
Turkey to Germany: Why don't we all meet in a Viennese pastry shop. That tart Marie Antoinette still hits my sore spot. She made the croissant a French pastry - fine - but did you know it was an Austrian confection to ridicule Suleiman the great and our blessed symbols of the star and crescent (croissant)? Dash him. Dash him good.
To England: "I really did have no harsh intentions. until you started to act like my mother with your overly suspicious and nagging ways"
Turkey to Italy: Here is the support you needed into Greece. good luck with your attack on Austria. I hope it works. That nation of illiterates needs a quick education. Russian scholars will soon give them a working alphabet. We feel certain that they are too slow to grasp Arabic and our recently revised phonetic Turkic is alien to them.
Diplomacy “Bellicus” from Strange Meeting, Spring/Summer 1907
(Smiley McKinnon – Boltar35 “of” aol.com):
F Edinburgh Hold (*Disbanded*),
A London Hold.
France (Pat Vogelsang – godawgsgo33 “of” yahoo.com): A Burgundy Supports A Ruhr - Belgium (*Cut*),
A Gascony Hold, A Liverpool Supports F North Sea – Edinburgh, F Mid-Atlantic Ocean Hold,
F North Sea – Edinburgh, A Ruhr - Belgium.
Italy (David Latimer – davidlatimeryork “of” yacoo.co.uk): A Galicia - Ukraine (*Bounce*),
A Venice - Tyrolia (*Dislodged*,
retreats to Piedmont).
Russia (Chris Babcock – cbabcock “of” asciiking.com): F Belgium - English Channel,
F Helgoland Bight – Holland, A Holland – Ruhr, F Irish Sea Supports F Belgium - English Channel,
A Kiel Supports A Holland – Ruhr, A Moscow Unordered, A Munich - Burgundy (*Fails*),
A Norway - Clyde (*Fails*), F Norwegian Sea - North Sea, A Silesia - Munich (*Fails*),
A Tyrolia Supports A Trieste – Venice, A Warsaw - Ukraine (*Bounce*).
Turkey (Phil Amos – p.v.a “of” btinternet.com): F Aegean Sea - Ionian Sea, F Albania – Trieste,
F Ankara – Constantinople, A Budapest - Rumania (*Bounce*), A Constantinople – Bulgaria,
F Ionian Sea - Tyrrhenian Sea, F Naples – Rome, F Rome – Tuscany, A Serbia - Rumania (*Bounce*),
A Trieste – Venice, F Tyrrhenian Sea - Gulf of Lyon.
Fall/Autumn/Winter 1907 Deadline is February 23rd at 7:00am my time
Press (to GM?): Dallas ain't where the Italians are headed!
Diplomacy “Chimaera” from Strange Meeting, Spring/Summer 1907
Game Ends in England/Russia Draw!
Any end-of-game statements you want to contribute will be published next issue.
Deviant Dip II – “Black Licorice” – 2009Brc08 – Winter 1903
Drance (Jim Burgess – jfburgess “of” gmail.com with Don Williams ordering units): Has F StP(nc),
A Ser(1), A Mun(1), A Ukr, F Cyp(1), F Lyo.
England (Russell Blau – russblau “of” imapmail.org): Invisible A Smy retreats to Arm and becomes
visible..Bld A Par, F Ice..Has A Par, F Ice, A Arm, A Wal, F Con(1), F Ank, F Lon, A Bul(1), F Cre.
Constantinople - Black – Sevastopol (Hits Sev) = 3 style points
Ankara - Black - Rumania - Budapest
Bulgaria - Rumania - Galicia - Warsaw – Prussia
Crete - Ionian - Tunis - North Africa (Hits
NAf) = 4 style points
Armenia - Syria - Eastern Med - Cyprus
London - North Sea - Skaggerak - Sweden
Wales- English Channel - Mid Atlantic – Portugal (Hits Por) = 4 style points
Earns 1 extra vote next turn
Verminy (Hugh Polley - hapolley “of” yahoo.ca): Ret F Bel-Hol..Has F Hol(1), A Mos, F Nat(1), F Naf(2).
Italy (John David Galt – jdg “of” diogenes.sacramento.ca.us): Removes A Bur..Has F Den(1), F Pru,
A Swe(2), F Nwy(1).
Norway -> North Sea -> Edinburgh (Hits Edi) = 3 style points
Denmark -> Kiel -> Munich
Burgundy -> Belgium (Hits Bel)
Prussia -> Livonia -> Moscow (Hits Lva)
Sweden -> Gulf of Bothnia -> St Petersburg -> Moscow
Austria (Jack Mchugh - jwmchughjr “of” gmail.com): Removes F Nwg..Has A Sev(2).
Nussia (Mark D Lew – markdlew “of” earthlink.net): Bld A Tyr, F Sar, A Pie, A Lva..Has A Tyr, F Sar, A Pie,
A Lva(1), A Mar(1), F Por(1), A Bud, F Spa(sc), A Vie, A Smy, A Tri, F Ven.
F Por -Mid-Bre-Eng- London (Hits Bre)
F Spa -Gas-Bre-Eng- Wales (Hits Bre)
A Mar -Bur-Bel-Hol-Nth- Norwegian (Hits Hol)
F Ven -Tyo-Mun-Kie- Denmark (Hits Mun)
A Tri -Ser-Bul-Con- Ankara
A Vie -Boh-Mun-Ruh-Bel-Nth- London
A Bud -Rum-Bul- Constantinople (Hits Bul)
A Smy -Con-Bul- Serbia
Turkey (Jason Bergmann – jasonbergmann “of” gmail.com): Bld F Tun..Has F Tun, F Bel(1), F Sic, A Rom,
F Bre(2), A Nap, F Tyn, A Edi(1).
Brest - English Channel - Irish Sea - Ireland - North Atlantic
Belgium - Holland - Helgoland – Denmark (Hits Den) = 4 style points
Edinburgh - North Sea - Skaggerak - Sweden
Naples - Ionian - Aegean - East Med – Cyprus (Hits Cyp) = 5 style points
Tunis - Ionian - Crete - East Med - Cyprus
Sicily - Ionian - Aegean - East Med - Cyprus
Tyrrhenian - West Med - North Africa (Hits NAf) = 3 style points
Rome - Apulia - Adriatic - Albania - Serbia
Earns 1 extra vote next turn
Supply Center Chart After Autumn 1903, With Owned Home Centers in Bold
Centers With Garrisons Are Underlined
Drance Warsaw, Ireland, Serbia, Munich, St. Petersburg, Cyprus=6
England Paris, Iceland, Ankara, Crete, Constantinople, Wales, London, Bulgaria, Armenia=9
Verminy Greece, Liverpool, Moscow, Holland=4
Italy Denmark, Norway, Prussia, Sweden=4
Nussia Tyrolia, Sardinia, Rumania, Piedmont, Kiel, Marseilles, Trieste, Venice, Spain, Budapest,
Vienna, Livonia, Berlin, Smyrna, Portugal=15
Turkey Corsica, Rome, Edinburgh, Naples, Tunis, Belgium, Brest, Sicily=8
Build Centers (When Owned) Are As Follows:
Drance Ankara, Belgium, Crete
England Smyrna, Iceland, Trieste
Verminy Vienna, London, Liverpool
Italy Serbia, Edinburgh, Denmark
Austria Venice, Holland, Armenia
Nussia Tyrolia, Sardinia, Piedmont, Livonia
Turkey Corsica, Prussia, Tunis
RP’s (Rule #21): Jack McHugh - 2; Russell Blau - 5; Jim Burgess - 4; Hugh Polley - 1; John David Galt - 4; Mark D Lew - 8; Jason Bergmann - 7.
Official Standby Players, as needed (both currently in the game): Jack McHugh (jwmchughjr “of” gmail.com), Hugh Polley (hapolley “of” yahoo.ca).
Spring 1904 Deadline is February 22nd at 7:00pm my time
This turn will include moves, votes, and new proposals!
New Rule Proposals
Rule #59 - Armies Take to the Air (Proposed by Jim Burgess): All armies immediately become air units with the following capabilities. They have a movement value of 6 for all spring and fall seasons. They must land on a land space, so if air units move, they can move six spaces, but if they bounce they crash and are annihilated. If they try to move three or fewer spaces, then bouncing means they return where they started; however, unlike armies while they are flying they are not "occupying the space" where they started, so if that space is occupied when they return (e.g. because of a move to the starting space without support), they also crash and are annihilated. Support orders can be made longer than three spaces away but then air units will always run out of fuel and crash regardless of whether the support is successful or not. A support within three spaces also will automatically cause an attempt to return to the starting airfield. Support can be done for any move, including a move by a fleet to a sea space, though the air unit may not land there. If there are any marine units still on the board when this rule takes effect, this rule does not affect those units, but otherwise, since there are no armies after this rule is adopted, there are no convoys.
Rule #60 - Heather Wins Regardless (Proposed by Jim Burgess): If some player achieves what appear to be victory conditions by current or any future rules prior to Fall 1910, then Heather Taylor still wins and the "winner" on the board gets a booby prize
Rule #61 – Blackjack
(Proposed by Russell Blau): After each Fall season, the GM will shuffle a standard
52-card deck of playing cards and deal out one card to each supply center. Each player's blackjack hand consists of the cards dealt to that player's owned centers. As per normal blackjack rules, face cards are worth 10, and
aces are either 1 or 11, whichever gives the player the better result. The player with the best hand (highest value less than or equal to 21) wins, and gets an extra off-board supply center for the following game year.
Rule #62 - RP Decay (Proposed by Russell Blau): Rule Points are radioactive. Each game-year, there is a 1/20 probability that any given RP will decay (i.e., be permanently lost). Decays will be calculated during the Winter adjustment phase.
Rule #63 - Plane Rule (Proposed by Hugh Polley): A (P)lane can attack or move up to 2 adjacent Areas from its location. This location is referred to as its base. The Plane returns to its base after making an attack or unsuccessful move. Except were Plane rules apply all the diplomacy rules for Armies work for Planes.
A move occurs when a land or sea area is unoccupied once the plane arrives, an attack occurs when the Plane cannot enter an area unopposed. An attacking Plane has a move value equal to its supports, if it attacks unsupported it returns to its base after cutting all supports for any unit in the attacked location, or any and all units attacking the location if already occupied by one of its units. Yes a Plane moving into a Sea Area crashes and is moved Off The Board.
When not ordered to hold a Plane's location has a defensive value equal to its supporting units, it can be dislodged by a single attacking A/F. When holding it behaves as would an Army.
The Plane can make a 4 Area move, all the above rules apply except it cannot return to base. If it's move is unsuccessful it crashes and is removed from the board.
Building a Plane: A Plane cannot be built but any existing army in the Summer or Winter season can be changed into a Plane. Once created it cannot be changed back into an Army.
(P ber->bel) Adjacent moves are not written, GM decides if move is possible.
Rule #64 - "Would you like bacon with that?" (Proposed by John David Galt): After Fall of every game year divisible by 4, rule 38 ("Scrambled Eggs") happens again.
Rule #65 - "Mexican Jumping Beans" (Proposed by John David Galt): Each player, up to once per turn, may have one of his units leap (move by air) in place of normal movement, at a cost of 2
votes. The leap can only go a maximum of three spaces from its starting location. Units may leap over spaces impassable to them (so armies can leap sea zones, fleets can leap over inland spaces, and any unit can leap the Caspian or Switzerland), but cannot end in a space they're not allowed to go. If a leaping unit fails to capture the destination space, it dies (splat!)
Rule #66 - Diplomacy Cliques (Proposed by Jack McHugh): Every
turn each player has one vote for the most popular player.
This vote is secret, although players may declare their vote publicly if they
wish in their press, and a player may not vote for themselves The player
with the most votes gets to repeal on rule currently in play or add one rule
currently up for vote of his or her choice. This rule does count towards a
player's RP total as per rule # 21.If there is a tie among the voters, then no
one is popular and the GM will remove or add a rule randomly.
Rule #67 - The Center Cannot Hold (Proposed by Jack McHugh): Every year, after winter builds but before spring orders, each player chooses one unit to go rogue (in the event of a tie the the GM will randomly chose a unit to go rogue.) The unit is considered in civil disorder and will hold in place but cannot be supported by anyone. The unit is removed if forced to retreat or if not on a center during any winter turn.
Rule #68 - Junior Birdman 2 (Proposed by Mark D
Lew): All Vermin units are air force units, rather than armies or fleets. They
must take off in spring and land in fall. Flying works just like it did for the
Marines (rule #19). This rule only takes effect if Pete Gaughan is the Vermin
Rule #69 - The Anti-England Rule (Proposed by Mark D Lew): (1) England is reduced to one unit and one supply center. GM randomly chooses one unit and one dot he gets to keep; other English units are immediately removed, and other English dots immediately cease to be dots. (2) England also loses all RPs. (3) Any rule proposal made by England this turn or any future turn has no effect if it is passed, nor does its passage bestow any new rule points. (4) If any other player votes NO on this proposal, or fails to cast at least one YES vote for it, items 1 to 3 are applied to that player's country as well.
Rule #70 - Nasty Nussia Needs to be Neighborly (Proposed by Jason
Bergmann): During this time of economic crisis,
a populist backlash against Nussian executive bonuses has drastic
consequences. As a result, each non-Nussian starting player casting at
least two votes for this proposal may name (along with such votes) one Nussian
controlled supply center that will immediately become a home supply center
controlled by such player, along with any unit located within. In case of
a conflict between two players who choose the same supply center, the player
with the heaviest concentration of nearby units (as determined by the GM) will
gain control. For each supply center so lost, Nussia may convert one
non-home supply center into a home supply center in the forthcoming winter and
may throw one snowball from each new home center named during that winter.
Rule #71 - Spring Training (Proposed by Jason Bergmann): Each starting player may name, along with their Spring 1904 orders, one major league baseball organization. For each spring training win earned by that organization, the starting player will receive one RP. For each spring training loss suffered by that organization, the starting player will lose one RP. The same baseball organization may be chosen by multiple starting players. Starting players failing to choose a baseball organization with their Spring 1904 orders will be assigned the Washington Nationals, which can barely be described as an organization and whose games can barely be described as baseball.
Passed Rule Proposals:
Rule #1 - More Deviant Rule (Proposed by Jason Bergmann). Paragraphs (5), (7), and (8) of the Deviant Diplomacy II variant rules are repealed and replaced with the following:
(1) Every Winter and Spring season, each starting player who controlled at least one supply center at the end of the previous Fall season may propose up to two rule changes. Such players may choose to submit fewer than two rule proposals without consequence.
(2) Every Winter and Spring season, each starting player who controlled no supply centers at the end of the previous Fall season may propose up to one rule change. Such players may choose to submit no rule proposals without consequence.
(3) Every Spring and Fall season, each starting player has a number of votes equal to one plus the number of supply centers the starting player controlled at the end of the previous Fall season.
(4) Players may vote yes or no. Players may cast all of their votes for or against any one rule proposal, or players can split yes and no votes among multiple rule proposals. Players' votes are published.
(5) A no vote on any rule proposal cancels a yes vote. The rule proposal receiving the most net yes votes goes into effect beginning the next season. If more than one rule proposal tie for the most net yes votes, then all tied rules go into effect beginning the next season. The rule proposal (or proposals) will go into effect even if the net yes votes are zero or negative.
(6) In addition to any rule proposals that go into effect under paragraph (5), additional rule proposals may also go into effect beginning the next season, if such proposals receive one or more net yes votes and if such proposals do not receive no votes from at least two different players.
(7) If two or more rule proposals would go into effect on the same turn but conflict explicitly or implicitly with each other, then both rules are null and void.
(8) The phrase "starting player" refers to the seven players who started this game, plus any standby player who succeeds the position of a starting player in this game. The word "player" includes all starting players and all other persons who enter the game as a result of the passage of additional rules.
(9) This rule may be amended or repealed only by any rule proposal going into effect under paragraph (5). Any rule proposal going into effect under paragraph (6) that amends or repeals this rule, or which conflicts explicitly or implicitly with the terms of this rule, will have no effect.
Rule #8 - "Barbarian Hordes, or the Excess
Profits Tax." (Proposed by John David Galt). When any
power captures three or more supply centers (which he did not already own) in a
single fall season, neutral armies known as "Barbarian Hordes" are
immediately built in half of those centers (rounded down), selected at random
by the GM. This happens before the owner can build.
Once at least one Barbarian Horde exists on the board, player(s) may spend any or all of their rule votes to attempt to give an order to a Barbarian Horde. Each Horde follows the order to it that gets the most votes. If a Horde receives no orders, it is in disorder and holds.
If two or more orders to a Horde get the same number of votes, the tied orders are cancelled and Horde obeys the non-tied order with the most votes, even if that is a smaller number of votes than the tied orders got.
Barbarian Hordes are amphibious -- they can move to any land space as if they were armies, and to any water space as if they were fleets. They cannot convoy or be convoyed. They can support and be supported. They cannot retreat, and are destroyed if dislodged -- but that is the only way to destroy them, because they do not need supply.
If a Barbarian Horde occupies a supply center after a Fall turn, that center becomes unowned. However, a newly built Barbarian Horde does not affect the ownership of its starting location in the Fall turn in which it is built.
When a Barbarian Horde is built, the unit which captured that space is destroyed (thus allowing the owner to rebuild it normally in the Winter turn immediately afterward, if he holds enough centers). [[By rule #45 this rule is no longer in effect.]]
Rule #13 – “The Duck Escapes Rule” (Proposed by Don Williams): Due to inept leadership, poor press writing, and insufficient cerebral bandwidth the French Republic under Don “Le Duc” Guillaume is swept away in a monstrously effective coup d’etat. A new government and extremely popular government – to be headed by the extraordinarily handsome, exceptionally erudite, and press-prolific James “Le Burgess du L’Isle du Rhodes” Burgess – is immediately installed. Tragically, as “Le Duc” is dragged straightforward to the guillotine for his just come-uppance, he is permanently unavailable to be re-called into this travesty of a dip game.
Rule #14 - Duck Williams Heart of Darkness Rule (Proposed by Jim Burgess): While Don Williams may be "out of the game" one can never be OUT of this game. Two new Provinces in Africa are created by this rule, accessed from Belgium (for obvious reasons) and London. Belgium now also is attached to the Upper River province, which in turn is attached to the Lower River Province, which in turn is attached to London. Only Fleets may enter this "river pathway" between London and Belgium, convoys may be made through it if two fleets are in it. The first fleet entering this pathway is forever afterward dubbed "Marlow's Steamship" (again for obvious reasons) and that player shall then document to the GM (via CC or other means) E-Mails, phone calls, text messages, Facebook/Twitter postings etc. to Don Williams where they say "The horror, the horror!" Besides driving Don nuts, Marlow's Steamship shall never be able to be dislodged or removed in the game (regardless of whether it has a supporting supply center) as long as the GM (in his infinite wisdom of how to bug people) views that the owner of Marlow's Steamship has sufficiently bugged Don that month. [[For the basis of this rule “fleet” now refers to both “fleet” and “marine unit.”]]
Rule #15 - Habsburg Relocation Act (Proposed by Mark
D. Lew): Besieged by enemies on all
sides, the Habsburg emperor pleads to Heaven for delivierance! Heaven answers,
and the core of the empire is removed from Europe and transplanted to a
paradise island in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.
The four spaces of Vie, Bud, Tri, and Ser are transplanted: They are no longer adjacent to Boh, Gal, Rum, Bul, Gre, Alb, Adr, Ven, or Tyo. They are each adjacent to Mid (and thus have a coast now). They retain their normal adjacency with respect to each other. Any units currently occupying those spaces are transplanted with them. The area where those spaces used to be is now a large impassable void. [[By rule #45, this rule is no longer in effect.]]
Rule #16 - Drench the Vermin! (Proposed by Mark D. Lew): France, Russia and Germany are renamed Drance, Nussia, and Verminy. Whenever reporting game results, GM must list countries in the following order: Drance, England, Verminy, Italy, Austria, Nussia, Turkey.
Rule #17 - "Teleport Gates" (Proposed by
John David Galt): The North Atlantic becomes
adjacent to the Eastern Med. The Gulf of
Bothnia becomes adjacent to the Western Med.
Galicia becomes adjacent to Burgundy. [[By rule #45, this rule is no longer in
Rule #19 – “Marines” (Proposed by John Walker): All units are made into units called Marines. Marines can move on Land, Water or by Air. Marines have no movement restrictions if by air. Air Movement takes 2 turns to complete, either a spring-fall or a fall-spring. [[By this rule, there are no longer convoys. Coasts are no longer necessary to specify, as the Marine units may move by land and sea. Movements by air must be specified as “by air” or “via air.” Destinations of air movements will not be revealed to the rest of the board until the 2nd turn, although the player MUST specify the destination with the original order; if you order Moscow – Paris via air, the first adjudication will merely state Moscow – Moscow Air. The next adjudication will report Moscow Air – Paris. If the landing fails due to a bounce or other interference, the unit returns to the original location the following movement season. However, if unable to land at the location of origin because of a bounce or because it is occupied, the Marine which had attempted the air movement is destroyed, crashing due to lack of fuel. Once a unit is in the air, the space it used to occupy can be immediately occupied. In the above example, Moscow would be considered unoccupied immediately, so an uncontested move of Ukraine – Moscow would succeed even if ordered in the same season as Moscow – Moscow Air.]][[By rule #45, this rule is winding out of use. Once all Marine units are switched, the rule will no longer be in force.]]
Rule #21 - "It's All About the Rules" Rule (Proposed by Russell Blau): Beginning with the season this rule goes into effect, each player (as defined in the More Deviant Rule) receives one Rule Point (RP) for each rule proposed by that player that goes into effect. For every season in which voting takes place, each player receives one vote for each RP they hold, in addition to all votes provided for in other rules. Clause (9) of the Deviant Diplomacy II rules is repealed. The Victory Condition for this game is to control a majority of the awarded RPs, provided that no player can win the game until the total number of RPs awarded is greater than one-half the number of supply centers in existence.
Rule #22 - "Continent-Wide Web version 2.0" (Proposed by Russell Blau): Every passable space on the map is adjacent to the spaces immediately before and after it in alphabetical order. The list wraps around, so Yorkshire is adjacent to Adriatic Sea, and vice versa. All new coastlines created by this rule are considered to be contiguous to existing coastlines -- so, for example, a fleet that enters Yorkshire from the Adriatic can exist to the North Sea, and vice versa -- and new land boundaries created by this rule do not interrupt any existing coastlines. Each space's name is alphabetized based on how it is printed on the official map on the copy of The Game used by the GM. In addition, at the end of the Fall 1902 season, the GM will randomly select one land space for each power, from among all land spaces within that power's 1901 boundaries that is (a) not a supply center and (b) not occupied by any unit, which will immediately become a buildable home supply center for that power. [[In effect, the new adjacencies are “worm hole” passages, because they do not change any other aspects of the board. St. Petersburg is considered to be spelled out as Saint. I haven’t found any, but if someone discovers before next turn that this rule contradicts Rule #15 by making Vie, Tri, Ser, or Bud adjacent again to any of their original neighbors, then both rules are null and void by Rule #1 clause 7. As I mentioned, I haven’t found that to be the case, but I could be wrong. If no such contradiction is pointed out to me by the next deadline, both rules stand regardless.]] [[By rule #45, the adjacency aspects of this rule are no longer in effect. Also, by Scrambled Eggs, the extra centers are not necessarily build centers.]]
Rule #23 – “Island grabbing” (Proposed by Jason Bergmann): Effective immediately: Iceland is a German Home Center containing a German Fleet; Ireland is an English Home Center containing an English fleet; Corsica is an Austrian Home Center containing an Austrian Fleet; Sardinia is a French Home Center containing a French Fleet; Sicily is an Italian Home Center containing an Italian army; Crete is a Turkish Home Center Containing a Turkish Fleet; Cyprus is a Russian Home Center containing a Russian fleet. All such spaces are now passable. The Eternal Sunshine map shall be used to determine what other spaces to which they are adjacent. In addition, Sicily and Naples are adjacent to each other, and Corsica and Sardinia are adjacent to each other. [[By Scrambled Eggs, these are not necessarily build centers.]]
Rule #25 - The Boob Says Nay and Ducks (Proposed by Jim Burgess): Jim-Bob has NO interest in actually playing this game, so he gives control of all the units back to Don "The Duck" Williams. So as to meet the criteria of the previously passed "unlucky" Rule 13, Don is NOT actually re-called into the game. He just has to control all the units. The Boob will retain all the voting and rule-proposing rights that are the only reason anyone would actually want to play this insane game and define who the actual players are. If this rule passes, the Boob (aka Jim-Bob) can never push a piece, order a unit, or any other order writing construct that anyone cares to propose for any power for the rest of the game. [[Don Williams will now be called on to submit movement orders for French units.]]
Rule #28 - Invisibility Spells (Proposed by John David Galt): Each Spring or Fall turn, each player may spend one of his rule votes to cause one of his units to become invisible. The unit will act normally in all respects, but its location, and any orders to it, will be known only to its owner and the GM. Invisibility takes effect immediately -- before the adjudication of orders on the same turn in which it is cast -- and only ends if the unit, at the end of any turn, is in a supply center which did not belong to the unit's owner at the beginning of that turn. (On that turn its location is revealed but the order, if any, it received that turn is not.) Neighboring units affected by the invisible unit will know whether their orders succeeded or not, but will not be told why. [[This rule is no longer in force, except for one remaining invisible unit.]]
Rule #31 - Take over the Dulcinea (Proposed by Jim Burgess): As soon as this is passed (i.e. in the same issue), a "Dulcinae II" board is created with all the players and unit positions of the Dulcinae game. All of the Dulcinae players control their units on the Dulcinae II board as well as the original board, but initially (until modified by future rules in this game) cannot issue orders any differently from in Dulcinae I, their submitted orders are also executed on Dulcinae II. Every Fall turn, each player on the Black Licorice board randomly will have one of its units cloned onto the Dulcinae II board in the same location and it annihilates any existing Dulcinae II unit in that space. If the randomly chosen unit is in a "new space", the entire rule creating that space will also be transferred to the Dulcinae II board -- otherwise all rules on the Dulcinae board are as in Standard Diplomacy (at least for now). These units have one free game year, the unit does not have to be in a supply center to stay on the Dulcinae II board, but after that must support themselves by taking centers on the Dulcinae II board, centers are counted separately on each board. [[This rule doesn’t actually take effect until ES #34, but since this rule does not do anything to the “Dulcinae II” game until the Fall turn (which I have decided to rule refers to the Fall turn in Black Licorice since Jim was not specific) it makes no difference whether it starts right now or not.]] [[By Rule #45, this rule is no longer in effect.]]
Rule #32 - Take over Eternal Sunshine (Proposed by Jim Burgess): Rules proposed in Black Licorice can have real effects on other games in Eternal Sunshine. If this rule passes and subsequent Black Licorice rules pass that affect other games, the GM/Publisher shall poll players in those games as to whether the Deviant rule shall take effect. Any veto by any player in the "real" Eternal Sunshine game invalidates the Black Licorice rule for that game (rules proposed to affect multiple ES games can thus actually only affect a subset of those games). These rules can be re-proposed, but can cause the GM to poll players in any given Eternal Sunshine game no more than once per Eternal Sunshine issue. [[By Rule #45, this rule is no longer in effect.]]
Rule #34 - Snowball
fighting! (Proposed by Mark D. Lew): During each winter season, each
unit on the board may throw a snowball at any other unit on the board. When
ordering throws, the player should specify a path of adjacent spaces, starting
with the space occupied by the thrower and ending with the space of the target.
(For snowball purposes, use adjacencies per the original map, ignoring any changes
in game geography due to deviant rules. A snowball's path may include an
impassable space such as Switzerland.) The path
must be reasonably straight, as if drawing a straight line from somewhere in
the one space to somewhere in the other, but will be judged generously if it
seems close enough. If a path is clearly not straight, GM may either designate
a new path with the same start and end space or else disqualify the throw as
Each snowball throw has a 1/N chance of hitting its target, where N is the length of the path including start and end spaces. It also has 1/N chance of hitting any unit in an intervening space along the path. Snowball throws are ordered with winter builds, but they are resolved after builds. Newly built units may neither throw nor be targeted, but they might be hit if they end up in an intervening path along a throw. Units about to be disbanded may throw or be targeted before they go, but they won't be around to get hit.
For each successful throw of length N=3 or more, the throwing player scores N style points. No style points are scored for hitting a unit other than the target, and no style points are scored for a throw of N=2. A player who scores eight or more style points in a turn gets one additional vote on rule proposals the following season. (Style points are not cumulative, and any number less than eight garners no voting benefit.)
Snowball hits taken by a unit are cumulative and tracked from year to year. During the winter season, any unit may, instead of throwing a snowball, be ordered to go inside and dry off. It takes no hits that winter and its cumulative total of hits is restored to zero. For each unit ordered to go inside and dry off, a player gets -5 style points that winter.
Any unit which suffers 20 snowball hits is considered pummeled and is treated as if in civil disorder for the rest of the game. It may not move or support during spring and fall turns. It also may not throw snowballs nor go inside during winter. [[As the rule does not specify, a player MAY hit his own units with a snowball. Also, once a snowball hits a unit, it stops its trajectory; so you can only hit one unit with each throw, and if you hit one along the path it never reaches the destination. And to be clear, the chance for a hit is not variable; if you throw where N=5, the spaces along the way with units have a 1/5 chance of being hit, regardless of how far from the initial throwing space they are.]]
Rule #36 - In Democracy Flagrante (Reproposed by Russell Blau): After all other rules are resolved, the number of votes permitted by each player is doubled.
Rule #38 - Scrambled Eggs (Proposed by Jason Bergmann): At the end of Winter 1902, after builds, all units will be redistributed randomly among all passable spaces. Armies landing in water will become fleets. Fleets landing in non-coastal land spaces will become armies. In addition, supply centers will be redistributed among all players. After such redistribution, each player will have the same number of supply centers, but such centers will be randomly chosen. In Spring 1903, each player may designate three of his supply centers to be home centers. (Russia may designate four) [[All units were Marines at the time, the changes from army to fleet and vice versa were ignored.]]
Rule #41 - Votes as Currency (Proposed by Jason Bergmann): During
Spring and Fall turns, votes may be spent as follows:
(1) One vote to support a unit in place.
(2) Two votes to support any unit's move.
(3) Three votes to garrison a controlled supply center. A garrisoned supply center has an intrinsic defensive strength of one if the area is unoccupied. A garrison is destroyed if any other player's unit occupies the garrisoned space.
(4) Five votes to buy one Rule Point.
These expenditures are in addition to those that are provided by other rules.
Rule #42 - Collapsing Wormholes (Proposed by Jason Bergmann): Each "wormhole" (i.e., adjacency between any two spaces that are not adjacent on the map published in Eternal Sunshine), immediately collapse after any unit successfully moves through it. All other wormholes that touch either of those two spaces also immediately collapse. No additional movement is allowed through a collapsed wormhole. For each successful move that causes one ore more wormholes to collapse, the moving player will receive 0.5 Rule Points. (Fractional rule points do not round up.) The adjacencies created by Rules 14, 17 and 22 are non-geographic adjacencies and qualify as wormholes. The adjacencies created by Rules 15 and 23 are geographic adjacencies and do not qualify as wormholes. With each game result, the GM shall publish an alphabetical list of all non-collapsed wormholes. This rule does not apply retroactively. [[This rule currently only applies to the adjacencies to the Upper and Lower River, as Rule #45 eliminated the rest.]]
Rule #44 - It's 2 a.m., boys. Time to go home
(Proposed by Mark D Lew): If at
the end of the Fall 1910 turn no player has achieved victory, the game ends and
Heather Taylor is declared the winner.
Rule #45 - Return to (Relative) Normalcy (Proposed by Mark D Lew): Now that we are completely scrambled, the board returns to normal and we try to regain our sanity:
Units, center ownership, and home centers remain as determined by the Egg Scrambling. Board adjacencies return to normal (reversing the effects of Continent-Wide Web, Habsburg Relocation, and Teleport Gates). The island spaces are still passable dots but with normal board adjacencies only (including Cor-Sar and Nap-Sic). Upper and Lower River still exist, treated as ordinary sea spaces adjacent to Belgium and London respectively and to each other.
Jim Burgess and Don Williams still control Drance's votes and moves as currently specified, but any other deviant business related to them is repealed, as are the rules extending Deviant influence to other games in the zeen (ie, #31 and #32).
All marines become armies or fleets (army if in a landlocked space, fleet if in a sea space, randomly chosen otherwise). Any marine currently in the air continues its flight as a marine but then reverts to army or fleet once it lands. No new marines may be built. Any barbarian horde currently existing continues as such until destroyed, but the rule is repealed with regard to new barbarians. Any unit currently invisible remains so until revealed, but the rule is repealed with regard to new invisibility. (That is, #8, #19, and #28 are no longer in effect once their current alterations expire.)
Other rules (ie, #1, #16, #21, #34) remain in effect.
In re-establishing normalcy, this rule does not override any new abnormalcies (eg, adjacencies) passed simultaneously.
#50 - "Say the Secret Woid and Win a Hundred Dollars" (Proposed by Russell Blau): In every issue of Eternal Sunshine, the GM will publish a secret word, somewhere _outside_ the Black Licorice game report. The secret word will be clearly identified; for example, the zine may say "The secret word is zucchini"; but the GM can vary the exact phrasing so that players cannot easily find the answer with a simple text search. Each player who correctly repeats the secret word in their orders the following season can cast extra votes equal to one-half their current vote total, dropping any fractions. In Winter, if there is no voting [if Rule #39 does not pass], players who correctly repeat the secret word can make an extra rule proposal. [[The first secret word will be published next issue.]]
"Plunder" (Proposed by John David Galt): Any unit which is in a supply center during a
spring or fall turn, and performs no other action in that turn except to hold,
may plunder that supply center. Barbarian Hordes may plunder.
Plundering fails only if the unit ordered to plunder is dislodged on that turn.
A plundered space ceases to be a supply center for any purpose for two full
game years beginning at the end of the turn in which it was plundered.
(Thus a space plundered in Spring 1904 would become a supply center again after
“Disappearing Spaces” (Proposed by Mark D Lew): Each spring or fall, after adjudication of moves,
the least popular space will be removed from the game. GM will identify the
unoccupied space which has gone unoccupied for the longest time. If there is a
tie, GM will randomly choose from among them. This space will be annexed by one
adjacent space, again chosen at random by the GM. Thenceforth, the disappearing
space no longer exists, and the annexing space now occupies the entire area of
the two spaces combined. The annexing space maintains all its original qualities,
including name, land/sea, dot/non-dot, and occupying unit. For example, if the Tyrrhenian Sea is annexed by Tunis,
then the new Tunis would become a large land space dot which now borders Lyo,
Tus, Rom and Nap; it would have two coasts, and Rome
would no longer have a coast. [[This
rule will begin after the next Spring turn.]]
#58 - Junior Birdman (Proposed by Pete Gaughan): An air attack automatically defeats any unit or movement on the ground. [[This rule will have no effect unless Marines or some other airborne unit is adopted.]]
Lew to World: Holy crap, I have 15 dots??? I have no idea how I
Nussia to England: I've got 48 votes, Blue Boy. What are you gonna do about it?
Turkey - Nussia: Stop trying to win the game. It doesn't become you.
Black Press Gunboat, “Maple Sugar,” 2009Crb32, Fall 03
Austria: A Budapest Hold, F Greece Hold, A Serbia Hold, A Trieste Hold, A Tyrolia Hold.
England: F English Channel Supports A Belgium (*Ordered to Move*),
F North Sea Supports A Belgium (*Ordered to Move*), F Norwegian Sea Supports F North Sea.
A Belgium - Ruhr (*Dislodged*, ret
Picardy or OTB), A Marseilles Supports A Paris - Burgundy (*Cut*),
F Mid-Atlantic Ocean - Western Mediterranean (*Bounce*), A Paris - Burgundy (*Fails*).
Germany: Burgundy Supports A Ruhr - Belgium (*Cut*), F Denmark Supports F Norway - North Sea,
A Holland Supports A Ruhr – Belgium, A Munich Supports A Burgundy, A Ruhr - Belgium.
Italy: A Bohemia – Vienna, F Ionian Sea - Adriatic Sea, A Piedmont - Marseilles (*Fails*),
F Tunis - Western Mediterranean (*Bounce*).
Russia: F Armenia - Ankara (*Fails*), F Black Sea - Bulgaria(ec) (*Fails*), A Finland - Norway (*Fails*),
F Norway - North Sea (*Fails*), A Rumania Supports F Black Sea - Bulgaria(ec),
A St Petersburg Supports A Finland - Norway (*Fails*), A Ukraine Supports A Rumania.
Turkey: F Aegean Sea Supports A Bulgaria, F Ankara Hold, A Bulgaria Supports A Serbia - Rumania (*Void*), A Constantinople Supports F Ankara.
Winter 03/Spring 1904 Deadline is February 23rd at 7:00am my time
Ownership of Supply Centers:
Austria: Budapest, Greece, Serbia, Trieste=4, Remove 1
England: Edinburgh, Liverpool, London=3, Even
France: Brest, Marseilles, Paris=3, Even or Remove 1
Germany: Belgium, Berlin, Denmark, Holland, Kiel, Munich=6, Build 1
Italy: Naples, Rome, Tunis, Venice, Vienna=5, Build 1
Russia: Moscow, Norway, Rumania, Sevastopol, St Petersburg, Sweden, Warsaw=7, Even
Turkey: Ankara, Bulgaria, Constantinople, Smyrna=4, Even
Unowned: Portugal, Spain.
THE FOUR CORNER REPORT: From the NW corner,
England with the loss of Norway is too weak to
comeback without German help. Is he now looking to enter the Mid Atlantic? Germany has a lock on Bel and can exploit further his Burgundy position. Why did Germany not attack Swe? Russia is in charge of the North West Corner.
France is going to attempt a landing in Spain but is boxed in by Piedmont, Burgundy and Fleet English; there is no safe way to take it. Lucky for France Italy is busy picking a fight with Austria and Germany.
In the SE Turkey caught a break, Fleet Armenia much less of a threat than Army Armenia. On the down side her units are locked in place completely surrounded by neighboring units. Russia thanks to Italian Army Bohemia is now in command of the SE corner.
Overview, only a bad movement error, or German intervention could spoil the Russian Bear's plans. Locked in battle F/G, R/T, I/A; England now has three Fleets, but were to go?
T -> A: You are right, because of R's continued hostilities I shall support from now on your A Ser - Rum.
R-I/A: I will
be your loyal ally if one of you helps me take Turkey.
R-G: Thank you for supporting me into North sea even though it was a void. Do it again perhaps?
R-World: Sorry everyone. that insulting press was not me speaking.
F – A/I: Hit Munich . I’ll cut support.
F – E: If you’re in Brest, I concede.
England -> All: Looks like E/F/I/A/T against R/G
R-A: Why did you suddenly head for Galicia and Rumania?
A-T: After Russia I'll eat you too. After My army gets into Galicia and later Ukraine your petty little Bulgaria will Succumb to my plague. Then after that The only way Russia can stop me is by having his St. Petersburg come down and later his Finland army as well. As for Italy he is too spread out to kill and conquer anything. All he can do is pester and annoy.
A-I: That annoying little Bohemian Rogue must die!
Germany to France: Notice I moved Bur to Bel, I need Bel but do not wish further battle. If it were not for A Boh, Tyr I would have let you keep it, but am desperate for build.
T-A: Your land looks tasty. And besides, I want Rumania.
R-E: Maybe we should call a truce. If your Norweigen sea Fleet goes to Edinburgh I will consider it accepted.
By Popular Demand
Credit goes to Ryk Downes, I believe, for inventing this. The goal is to pick something that fits the category and will be the "most popular" answer. You score points based on the number of entries that match yours. For example, if the category is "Cats" and the responses were 7 for Persian, 3 for Calico and 1 for Siamese, everyone who said Persian would get 7 points, Calico 3 and the lone Siamese would score 1 point. The cumulative total over 10 rounds will determine the overall winner. Anyone may enter at any point, starting with an equivalent point total of the lowest cumulative score from the previous round. If a person misses a round, they'll receive the minimum score from the round added to their cumulative total. In each round you may specify one of your answers as your Joker answer. Your score for this answer will be doubled. In other words, if you apply your Joker to category 3 on a given turn, and 4 other people give the same answer as you, you get 10 points instead of 5. Players who fail to submit a Joker for any specific turn will have their Joker automatically applied to the first category. And, if you want to submit some commentary with your answers, feel free to. The game will consist of 10 rounds. A prize will be awarded to the winner. Research is permitted!
Round 4 Categories
1. A city in Italy other than Rome.
2. A city in England other than London.
3. A city in France other than Paris.
4. A city in Germany other than Berlin.
5. A city in Spain other than Madrid.
Selected Comments By Category:
Italy – Andy York “Also could be Venice or Pisa.” Paraic Reddington “An interesting one. The modern answer is probably Milan. More traditionalists may go with Florence and romantics may go with Venice.” Philip Murphy “Milan - Nice city, visited the San Siro where Inter and AC Milan share their stadium. Awesome.” Jim Burgess “Has to be Venice or Naples from this crowd, I like Venice better....”
England – Andy York “Tough one as you say "England" not Britain, for which I'd say Edinburg. Did think of Coventry and, of course, York.” Philip Murphy “Army Liverpool United Fans-> Liverpool Boardroom - to impeach the owners. Yes I am a Liverpool supporter. :(“ Jim Burgess “Again has to be that or Edinburgh from the map, BUT Edinburgh is not in England! Go Beatles!!”
France – Rick Desper “Lyon. Because, fuck it. I refuse to say Marseilles. And Lyon is bigger anyway.”
Germany – Rick Desper “Do I want to try to win this game? If so, the answer is Munich. If I don't care, I say Heidelberg, where I lived two years. Or I could say Hamburg, Bonn, Hanover, Frankfurt am Main, Frankfurt am Oder, Luebeck, Dresden, Leipzig, Baden Baden, Nurenberg, Dusseldorf, Cologne, Mannheim, Kaiserslautern...I really don't want to say Munich. I find that I cannot play to not win though. Munich it is.” Andy York “20 years ago, I might have gone with Bonn; others Kiel or Hamburg.”
Spain – Jim Burgess “The only one I've visited, and really not in Spain from their point of view, but that should be the best answer.”
General Comments – Dane Maslen “Is an ice-cream sandwich a block of ice-cream between two wafers? If so, then not only is it something I could have come up with as an answer (though as you can tell from the question, I'd have had to research what the hell it was called!), it's actually something that did occur to me. I suppose I dismissed it as being almost completely ice-cream, just like ice-cream cones.”
Round 5 Categories – Deadline is February 23rd at 7:00am my time
1. A flavor of flavored coffee.
2. A television detective (character name).
3. A currency used officially by at least one African nation.
4. A musical film.
5. A color people dye their hair.
There are ten rounds of movie quotes, and each round consists of ten quotes. Anyone may enter at any point, starting with an equivalent point total of the lowest cumulative score from the previous round. If a person misses a round, they'll receive the minimum score from the round added to their cumulative total. If you want to submit some commentary with your answers, feel free to. The game will consist of 10 rounds. A prize will be awarded to the winner – and it might be a very good prize! Research is not permitted! So please try to avoid the temptation to Google the quotes. Im doing many of the quotes from memory anyway, so you won’t necessarily be able to find them by direct search…so don’t try! Each round will also contain one bonus point, which is awarded if you can tell me what the ten movies being quoted have in common.
#1. The chances of another plane hitting this house are astronomical. It's been pre-disastered. The World According to Garp Correct – JM, JB, PV. Donnie Darko – RD, PR.
#2. First rule in government spending…why build one when you can have two at twice the price? Contact Correct – JM, PV. Spies Like Us – RD. Wag the Dog – PR.
#3. Ichabod Crane disappears... the line goes: "As he was a bachelor, and in nobody's debt, nobody troubled their head about him anymore." The Dead Zone Correct – JM, PV. The Legend of Sleepy Hollow – RD, JB. Sleepy Hollow - PR.
#4. I can read every mind in this room apart from yours. There's money…sex…money...sex. Twilight Men Who Stare at Goats – PR. The Ugly Truth – PV.
#5. You can't print that it took place in her apartment. I have a wife and a family and a dog and a cat. All the President’s Men Correct – JM, PV. State of Play – PR.
#6. It's more than psychiatry, and you know that Tom. Some of their problems come down to faith, their vocation and meaning of their lives, and I can't cut it anymore. The Exorcist Correct – JM, JB, PV. Good Will Hunting – PR.
#7. I haven't felt that good since Archie Gemmill scored against Holland in 1978. Trainspotting Correct – JM, PV. The Full Monty – PR.
#8. You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. The Notebook Tango and Cash - RD. War of the Roses – PR. Scrubs – PV.
#9. You don't have the power to upset me. You don't matter enough to upset
me. The Reader Jerry Maguire – PR. A Few Good Men – PV.
#10. I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Dune. Correct – RD, JM, JB, PV. Kung-Fu Panda – PR.
Bonus: What do all these films have in common? They are all based on at books. Correct – RD, JB.
Scores: BW – Brendan Whyte (0 + 1 = 1), DM – Dane Maslen (0 + 2 = 2), PV - Pat Vogelsang (7 + 6 = 13) In the Lead, RD – Rick Desper (2 + 4 = 6), PR – Paraic Reddington (0 + 2 = 0), AL – Andy Lischett (0 + 1 = 1), AY – Andy York (0 + 3 = 3), JB – Jim-Bob Burgess (4 + 8 = 12), JM – Jack McHugh (7 + 5 = 12), DW – Don Williams (0 + 6 = 0).
#1. We’re gonna get you. We’re gonna get you. Not another peep. Time to go to sleep.
#2. She doesn’t like it in the barn. The horses keep her up at night.
#3. Guess I always wanted to work with children. I hate when people call 'em kids. Sounds like little goats. But when you've had a dream as long as I have, you'll do anything.
#4. Can I bring the lovebirds, Mitch? they haven't harmed anyone.
#5. 31 bucks, Merry Fucking Christmas!
#6. We must not be lulled by the concept that these are our family members or our friends. They are not. They will not respond to such emotions.
#7. A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. They both get pissed. The giraffe falls over. The man goes to leave and the bartender says, "Oi. You can't leave that lyin' there." And the man says, "No. It's not a lion. It's a giraffe."
#8. I never drink…..wine.
#9. If it’s a caper, then eat it.
#10. You've had your whole fucking life to think things over, what good's a few minutes more gonna do you now?
Bonus: What do all these films have in common?
Deadline for your answers to Round 3: February 23rd at 7:00am my time
General Deadline for the Next Issue of Eternal Sunshine:
February 23rd, 2010 at 7:00am my time
See You Then!