April 2010

By Douglas Kent, 11111 Woodmeadow Pkwy #2327, Dallas, TX 75228

Email: doug of whiningkentpigs.com or diplomacyworld of yahoo.com

On the web at http://www.whiningkentpigs.com – or go directly to the Diplomacy section at http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/. Also be sure to visit the official Diplomacy World website which can be found at http://www.diplomacyworld.net. Also remember to check out http://www.helpfulkitty.com for official Toby the Helpful Kitty news, advice column, blog, and links to all his available merchandise! Links to many of the books and DVDs reviewed can be found by clicking on the Amazon Store button in the main menu of the Whining Kent Pigs website. Or go to http://www.guysexplained.com where women can learn all the secrets of how a man’s mind works, and why they act the way they do.

All Eternal Sunshine readers are encouraged to join the free Eternal Sunshine Yahoo group at http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/eternal_sunshine_diplomacy/ to stay up-to-date on any subzine news or errata. We also have our own Eternal Sunshine Twitter feed at http://www.twitter.com/EternalSunshDip, and a Facebook group at http://www.facebook.com/?ref=logo#!/group.php?gid=112223650909

Quote Of The Month – “Suffice it to say, Miss Kruczynski was not happy and she wanted to move on.” (Howard in “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”)

Welcome to Eternal Sunshine, the only Diplomacy subzine in North America where the publisher frequently wonders if the day is worth getting through. I suppose some could look at Eternal Sunshine and Diplomacy World as some of the methods I use to maintain the drive and rhythm to keep going when I don’t want to, or feel too worn out to. Life gets so tiring sometimes, and people who know me believe that me being me is a big part of that exhaustion. So many things I want to do, so little time to do them in, and so many doubts in my brain about any of them are worth doing in the slightest.

I might add some more to this front page later, but today I just don’t’ find myself with anything to say that isn’t zine-related. It’s a mixed bag this month. I am happy to see some additional participation in the Hypothetical Questions this month, but the Baseball Contest response was typically weak…and not a single signup for the new openings of African Dip and Asian Dip. If nobody signs up for either of those they will be unceremoniously dropped, as other openings have been.

I know that every three months I feel kinda down on the whole publishing thing, and that seems to coincide with spending more of my time on the upcoming release of the next issue of Diplomacy World. But here’s the real question: do you readers ENJOY this zine, and do those of you who participate in the games or contests ENJOY them? Or do you simply do them because they are there? I’d really like to know. For the games, it’s hard to tell because I never know if there’s any true negotiation going on. And for the rest, participation and interest appears sporadic at best.

Maybe I’ll make up a simple web form poll for you to fill out, to see what you like or don’t like, what might help make things more . But then I’ll be likely to get 10 responses or less and feel even less enthusiastic.

Yes, I’m in a lousy mood today, couldn’t ya guess? So anyway, more of the usual crap this issue. Latest chapter of Fire and Rain. Columns from Paul Milewski, Jack McHugh..Andy York has been swamped with real life and work, so he’s skipping this issue. Games, letters, movie quote contests…all the stuff you skip over or ignore every month. So, unless I come back in the next few days with something else to say – positive or negative - I suppose I’ll see you next issue!

The Month’s Playlist: Like Blood Like Honey – Holly Brook; Burn Your Piano – The Barkers; Live as You Like – Victrola; Blue Horse – The Be Good Tanyas; Kill Uncle – Morrissey; La Cenerentola - Rossini.

The Eternal Sunshine Baseball Prediction Contest Entries

Okay, the deadline has come and gone and the entries are in! The contest is simple: you get one point for each correct division winner, and one point for correctly selecting the wild card teams (one per league). Then you get two points for each team you correctly choose as league champion (meaning they play in the World Series), and three points for correctly picking the World Series winner. I’ll be giving a prize of some sort to the winner. Here’s all the entries I received:

See you with the results in the Fall!

Fire and Rain – Part Five

At some point, Mara’s future second husband entered the picture. She met him at a therapy group – whether it was inpatient or outpatient I can’t remember. But I didn’t press for details. Mara seemed happy with this relationship, and there was talk of the two of them moving in together. However, at first the relationship had to be kept secret from the medical staff, because it was a violation of the programs rules. To be honest, I can’t remember any of the specifics, because my life was too busy, too far away, and too uncertain. Mara may have been hospitalized again after moving out from the apartment she shared with the drug-using female, or gotten housing in some sort of program-supported building again which placed restrictions on her activities. I just remember that they found each other, and she seemed happy about it.

As I’d learned to expect, little by little the details she’d casually mention to me – which may have been her way of revealing them, or may had simply been slips because she didn’t remember what I knew and what I didn’t know – did little to make me feel this was a healthy relationship. “Martin” was a recovering crack addict (which is why he was in this mental health program) and HIV-positive. Strangely, Mara had decided to hook up with a man she didn’t feel safe having intercourse with; instead when they wanted to get romantic she would
“break out the toys” - a description I didn’t try to get more details on. From the way things sounded, sexual fulfillment was the least of their problems.

Both of them were receiving some kind of government money, although Mara’s Social Security Disability was the major part of their income…as I’ve mention earlier I was still giving Mara money when and how I was able, which usually consisted of me transferring some money from my individual checking account to our joint checking account (which we’d left open simply for that purpose). But Mara and Martin always seemed to be broke, especially after the third week of the month. A major reason for this was Martin’s continued use of crack. He’d beg and argue until Mara agreed to let him buy $20 worth, if in exchange she could get $20 with of pot. By the end of the weekend, he’d have spent $100 or more, and on occasion sold some of their belongings to pay for the extra. CDs or DVDs I’d given Mara as presents since we split up would disappear, and some of the gold jewelry she had would find its way to a pawn shop, or a dealer. Inevitably Mara would call me towards the end of the month to see if there was any way that she could get some extra cash sooner rather than later, either to pay rent or to buy food.

In the past I would have felt terribly guilty about all of this, but the combination of drinking, working an outrageous number of hours a week, my own depression, and the miles between us helped to alleviate those typical emotions…most of the time. Instead I just felt shitty…there was no question Mara’s life was continuing to go the wrong way, and I no longer held out much hope that it could ever be turned around. Support from her family was either non-existent or useless. I never knew how much knowledge they had of Mara’s situation, but I was certain that her sister Lisa had some idea of what was going on. I was positive of this because Mara had left a number of belongings in New Jersey at Lisa’s house, and among those items was the diamond engagement ring I’d given her in 1988. It had a high-quality stone and had cost around $3,000; even deeply discounted it had monetary value. Mara was furious that Lisa refused to send this ring (and I think some other jewelry) to Florida. “It’s MINE, and she won’t GIVE it to me!” Mara would seethe on the phone to me over and over again. But I knew the ring had no true emotional value to her anymore…it was simply a way to help finance their drug habits.

Sometimes my emotions would revert to their old habits. Despite my distance, my own problems, life’s distractions, I knew that Mara had gotten involved with this relationship simply because she wanted someone to love and for someone to love her. And years I later I still feel guilty about that, as if I took that away and pushed her towards the roller-coaster which would eventually be her undoing. I know, logically, that I was simply doing what I could to take back control of my life, and that this was not my responsibility. But logic and emotion rarely fit together. I get wet eyes, at a minimum, just thinking about it as I write this. The what-ifs always get me. What if I stayed with her, gave her another chance, tried harder, tried longer? What if? Maybe we could have been happy again. Maybe those moments of happiness could have outweighed the others. Maybe she would have been able to overcome her demons. Maybe. What if?

Drugs were not causing their only money problems. There had been some sort of arrest for shoplifting or burglary – I wasn’t clean on which – for which her husband needed legal assistance. More than the charge itself, Mara and her husband were fearful that it would be discovered he had an outstanding warrant or two in other states. So the little money they had was also going to finance this defense, and to make it work through the system as quietly as possible. I’m not even sure what was stolen; nothing of real value…something stupid, a zebra-fur lighter or something. It was a meaningless act with dangerous consequences.

It was at about this time that Mara discovered a little trick she could use to get cash at the end of the month, instead of waiting until her latest Disability payment had arrived in her bank account. She’s deposit an empty envelope in an ATM, listing it as a $300 check. Then it would allow her to withdraw $100 of that immediately. It could only be done one time, but to her the $20 overdraft penalty was unimportant. She’d ride with a negative balance in the account for a week or so, and then the direct deposit would clean things up for her. I tried to point out that this really was fraud, and a dangerous game to be playing. I had to be quite angry and forceful about it, and make her promise NEVER to do this in the joint account we still had open. The last thing I needed was some banking irregularities while the Federal Justice System tried to figure out what kind of a prison sentence they were about to dump on me.

Then, just a few months before sentencing, Mara tells me that she has been given permission to work part-time without threatening her disability payments, and that she and her husband have gotten a cat. In the midst of all this drama and the whirlwind of negativity, these were the first two positive signs of light I’d seen in a long time from Mara. She was able to find office work which wouldn’t earn much, but which wasn’t too difficult, and maybe the sense of achievement would help her regain some self esteem. At one time she had been a tremendous worker…maybe this was the path back upwards…and a way to return to a semblance of normal life?

I could only hope, as I had my own problems to deal with: setting all my affairs in order, preparing for incarceration, and doing what I could do spend as much time with Heather as possible while still saving some cash on the side. Time would tell what the future held.

Last month, we gave you these two hypotheticals: #1. You have been attending classes all year. An acquaintance who rarely shows up asks to copy your notes. Do you consent? #2. You lose an exciting and lucrative job opportunity because of a policy of hiring minorities. Do you feel resentful?

Melinda Holley - #1 - My first inclination would be to say 'hell no'.  But upon thinking about it, it would depend.  Has this person been ill or otherwise unable to make class or has this person just blown off the class?  Yes to the first, no to the second.

#2 - Well, of course

Andy York - #1 - If they want to try and decipher my notes - they are more than welcome to. My concept of note taking is to capture things that jog my memory of something in the lecture or as a reference to something else. They are of little use to anyone as they are more shorthand than true notes.

#2 - Initially, yes - especially if (based on my knowledge) I was clearly the more qualified candidate. However, it is only one opportunity and there will be others in the future - or, if I'd truly hit a "ceiling" there is the option to look for a job elsewhere.

Jack McHugh - #1. Sure --I'd figure an hourly rate and how many hours in class and charge him for my time.

#2. Yes, while I understand the desire to bring a workforce ratio of various populations in line with the population--I think reverse discrimination is a terrible idea as it not only denies qualified applicants jobs it taints anyone from the minority getting help. 

Phil Murphy - #1 - Depends on whether I like them a lot, or not. Since it's an acquaintance, let's say no. If it were a twentysomething Rita Hayworth, however, ARE YOU KIDDING ME! *grins*. That aside, I'm not going to go out of my way to help someone who couldn't be bothered attend class. I'd feel he or she was stealing my work. Doesn't sit well with me.

#2 - Because someone from a minority got the job? Not if he or she deserved it. I would have a big problem with a hiring process which positively discriminates. I believe that a person should get rewarded on merit. I would be resentful because of the employer's policy, though I wouldn't resent the candidate who got the job.

The best person should be hired for a job based on their abilities, not their demographic. Artificial 'quotas' because the employer has to be seen to be an equal opportunities employer undermines the very principle they are espousing.

Kevin Wilson - #1.  Probably.  To me, notes were more important in the taking than in the reading.  I still take fairly detailed notes in meetings or at other times as it is a memory aid to me.  I usually toss them afterward.  Only occasionally will I clean them up a bit and retain them.  My friend, having not taken any notes since he wasn't there, wont' get much out of them.

#2.  Again, probably.  You could never be sure the reason you miss an opportunity.  Any time you are denied something you wanted (or at least thought you wanted) it's natural to feel resentful.  It isn't aimed at the person who eventually did get the position, just the situation.

Don Williams - #1 Nope, the little turd gets no notes …

#2 - Probably, but not absolutely sure.  If I were clearly more qualified, yes.  If we were (objectively speaking) evenly qualified, probably not if they had that as a written policy.  I differentiate for the simple reason that I, as a member of the AICP (you don’t want to know), have promised to uphold that stance on a professional level as it is an adopted ethical policy of the planning profession, and I have made at least one hire on that basis.  The policy is to support the hiring of “under-represented demographics” in the profession, so it’s not exactly minorities per se, but effectively …

Heather Taylor - #1. I would really NOT want to, but I would wind up being a sap and doing it anyway, and feeling stupid for not being able to say no or come up with an excuse.

#2. Yes. Definite yes.

For Next Month (For the time being, I am selecting questions from the game “A Question of Scruples” which was published in 1984 by High Games Enterprises). Remember you can make your answers as detailed as you wish.: #1 – Your fiancé or fiancée discovers that he or she has a terminal illness that can drag on indefinitely. Do you break the engagement? #2 – Your best friend asks to borrow $2,000 for a year. Do you charge interest?

Shutter Island – It seems these days that the combination of Martin Scorsese and Leonardo DiCaprio is a foregone conclusion…I’m told the next Scorsese film – a biopic of Frank Sinatra – will star DiCaprio as well (fortunately the songs will still be sung by Frank).

Shutter Island, their latest collaboration, was pushed back from a late 2009 release in part because of the Avatar factor. The film was ready to go, but the studio wanted to make sure it wasn’t overshadowed by the barrage of media attention Avatar was sure to monopolize. Financially it was a smart move, and worked out well. Despite Alice in Wonderland, Shutter Island has attracted plenty of moviegoers.

When it comes to psychological thrillers like this, I am forced to review at a disadvantage; I knew early on where the film was going to go, but I can’t assume that was typical of those who watched it. The twists and turns were no all telegraphed, and for most people I think some of the surprises were completely unexpected. Still, for me, the movie was an enjoyable diversion, but nothing more…and it could have been.

Teddy Daniels and Chuck Aule (DiCaprio and Mark Ruffalo – an actor I gain more respect for every time I see him in film) are two Federal Marshalls called to travel to Shutter Island in the 1950’s. Shutter Island is a Federal Penitentiary for the criminally insane located on an inaccessible island outside of Boston Harbor. A dangerous prisoner who drowned her three children has mysteriously disappeared from her locked cell, and it is their job to investigate. They’ve never worked together before, but Teddy is regarded as somewhat of a legend in the department.

The sense of dread begins almost immediately, as they are forced to surrender their firearms before entering the facility. Run by Dr. Crawley (Ben Kingsly), the facility attempts to use more modern techniques to rehabilitate their patients rather than the typical lobotomy. There is also the mysterious Dr. Naehring (Max von Sydow), who Teddy is highly suspicious of both because of his attitude and Teddy’s general distrust of old Germans following his experiences in World War II freeing the prisoners of Dachau.

A hurricane approaches, which traps the two investigators on the island. Teddy also explains to Chuck some of the reasons he volunteered to be on this particular case; he’d been waiting for any chance to get to Shutter Island, both to expose what he believes may be going on there (some sort of sadistic experiments) and to confront an arsonist who lit the fire that killed Teddy’s wife (Michelle Williams). In fact, his wife appears in his dreams often, seeming to attempt to guide him along in his investigations.

Soon Teddy is unsure who he can trust. Is his new partner even safe? The food? The cigarettes? And could the doctors in this facility, if he gets too close to the truth, declare him insane and have him committed? As is pointed out a number of times to Teddy, insane people are the most harmless of witnesses. Once you are declared insane, anything you say or claim is simply part of your own delusion-filled world.

While I wasn’t bored, Shutter Island’s twists and turns became too frequent, too constant, and sometimes too obvious. And while the very last line of the film asked a very relevant question, one I have considered many times for many reasons, I can’t help but believe there was a better way of getting there.

Seen on DVD –Zelig (C-, what was amazing and original to me when it came out is now passé). The Station Agent (A-, still such a funny film, a poor guy who just wants to be left alone but who attracts a stream of people into his life. If you never saw it, find it). Zombieland (B-, there are some fun and original moments which make this a great popcorn film). The Score (B-, it would rate higher if I hadn’t seen it before). Revolutionary Road (B, I didn’t find the film as mediocre as I’d heard, or as good as I’d hoped. However, Winslet and DiCaprio seem to have little or no on-screen chemistry now). Poltergeist (B+, still a fun flick, but forget the sequels. Somebody wanna buy Heather one of those clown dolls?)

Dane Maslen: I The quote from the The Birds was indeed easy.  So easy that I doubted I could be right in assuming it came from The Birds.  Nonetheless I had intended tossing the answer in out of desperation.  Alas by the time I got round to doing my BPD orders, my memory of the Movie Quotes was that I didn't know any of them (which was true - I didn't know any of them - but overlooked my intention to have a wild guess at one).

This round I most definitely do not know any of the quotes (though I might get round to making a wild guess of 'Amadeus' for #8) and it's quite likely that I've never seen any of the films.  I've never been into films much and the current emphasis on special effects rather than plot means that I rarely bother seeing films these days.

[[As you’ll notice, a good number of these films this time around are older, or quite well-known, or both.]]

Andy Lischett: A variation of By Popular Demand might be interesting. The object would be to give the least popular answer, but it would have to match at least one other player.

My Round 4 movie guesses are BEFORE I cheated. The only quote I knew was Amadeus and I was pretty sure about Rocky and Saving Private Ryan, but could not think what they had in common until I realized that Amadeus, Rocky and (I thought) Saving Private Ryan all won Oscars for best movie. Then I thought of Casablanca and Capt. Renault.

So what I sent in are my pre-research answers. Then I looked up best-picture winners and realized that #2 is Omar Sharif in Lawrence of Arabia (curse you for throwing me off by mentioning Bridge on the River Kwai earlier), but still don't know #s 3, 5, 6, 7, 8 or 10.   

[[The punchline, of course, is that it WAS Bridge, not Lawrence of Arabia.]]

I went through a list of remakes and there aren’t many of which I've seen both versions. Why see Alfie without Michael Caine, or Lolita without James Mason, or Moby Dick without Gregory Peck? Even The Bad Seed without Henry Jones makes no sense.

Of the few remakes I’ve seen I prefer the originals of Mutiny on the Bounty, King Kong, and Cape Fear (nobody's creepier than Robert Mitchum). When I saw The Ladykillers on the list I wondered how anyone thought they could improve on Peter Sellers and Alec Guinness, and then I looked up the remake and realized I’d seen it. It was awful.

However, The Silence of the Lambs was much better than its original (Manhunter?). Neither version of The Italian Job would be memorable except that I hate the original for pushing a Lamborghini Miura off a mountain.

[[Remember though, Silence of the Lambs was not a remake; it was simply the same character.]]

That’s about it. Oh, the secret word is Firefly.

[[Unfortunately, as you don’t play in Deviant Diplomacy, that answer doesn’t get you anything!]]

Robert Lesco: Readers of NRV2 will remember my displeasure with the remake (and sequels to the remake) of Ocean's Eleven.  As I may have written at the time, I saw an interview with the director of the re-make and it seemed to me that not only did he not seem to care for the original, but he didn't seem to understand it. 

A couple of other guys whose names used to show up on all sort of albums during a certain era were Brian Eno (he would have worked with Jerry Harrison while producing some of Talking Heads' finest LPs - it's interesting to speculate what he may have learned from him) and Alex Chilton.  They were the ultimate insiders at one time.

Addendum: It is worth noting, should my letter see print, that I mentioned Mr. Chilton in the days before his death (Wednesday the 17th for those who missed the news). 

[[He will be forever missed. One of my personal favorites, Kay Hanley, had a nice piece on her blog about his passing, which you can see at: http://kayhanley.com/adios-el-goodo/ ]]

Rick Desper: OK, first I'm going to blast my fellow By Popular Demand players: What's WRONG with you people?!?!?  _Nobody_ else picked West Side Story?  One guy picked Slumdog Millionaire, which is about as much of a musical as The Hurt Locker! 

[[I don’t even think the younger generations have ever heard of West Side Story…and if they have, they likely miss the entire Romeo and Juliet connection. Off topic, it’s amazing how many of today’s movies, while based on classic literature or Shakespeare, leave the younger audience with no knowledge of that connection.]]

Phil Murphy: I can't disagree with your comments about Columbo, however there's something about his dishevelled, seemingly oddball appearance and his quirky mannerisms that's oddly endearing. Sort of a stereotype in himself?  The show has its flaws I agree. And yet I still like the character. I suppose he isn't a stereotype to compare with characters in most US detective shows; however, I was thinking more along the lines of the flawed but brilliant UK type detectives such as Cracker, Taggart or perhaps to a lesser extent Inspector Morse. All of which I recommend highly, incidentally.

[[I think you misunderstood my Columbo comments. I was merely saying he was the opposite of the stereotypical detective at the time. That wasn’t a criticism; it was high praise. Columbo was, is, and will always be one of my favorite television shows of the period, and I own many of the series on DVD. Not to mention, Peter Falk was a perfectionist (which is why he and Patrick McGoohan got along so famously and worked together on so many episodes). And as an aside, my 3-season collection of the UK Cracker is a prized possession, even if I haven’t had time to watch them (I saw many of the episodes on US television when they first were broadcast in the US).]]

Per Westling: Late Phil Reynolds?  Oh…  I still remember his Dipadeedoodah fondly, even though it is more than 10 years ago since I read it last.  I guess I might have missed more events like this during the time I was away.

Ideas for PBM: Dominion?  (Might not work) There might be other newer board games that might work as PBM. The secret word is Urban.

[[I am so far off the radar with new games these days…I don’t even know what Dominion is.]]

Least-favorite remakes: Most of those remakes has gone under my radar. I guess I should be glad. I see so few movies these days so I try to see only those highly recommended by others. Another variant of these theme might be the follow-ups. Well, might not be that bad generally, but it is still a sign of lack of ideas, or that one wants to put the money on a safe bet.

An idea to see more movies with strong stories could be to try to see more foreign language movies. Remember that Nigeria and India is the two largest movie makers (although not generally foreign language). It takes more effort, yes, but it might open a whole new world…

[[Heather and I do see a number of foreign films, often subtitled. Often they are among the best we see in a month.]]

Martin Burgdorf: A few comments on the comments on By Popular Demand, Round 4: According to the Pop. 1999 census Marseille has 798,430 inhabitants and Lyon 445,452. The correct names of the German cities are Frankfurt an der Oder, Nürnberg (english: Nuremberg) and Düsseldorf.

PLAYING TO BE INCLUDED IN A DRAW

by Paul Milewski

This is copied and pasted from the Wikipedia article on “Bronze medal”:

In 1995, a study was carried out by social psychologists Victoria Medvec, Scott Madey and Thomas Gilovich on the effects of counterfactual thinking on the Olympics. The study showed that athletes who won the bronze medal were significantly happier with their winning than those athletes who won the silver medal. The silver medalists were more frustrated because they had missed the gold medal, while the bronze medalists were simply happy to have received any honors at all (instead of no medal for fourth place). This is more pronounced in knockout competitions, such as the FIFA World Cup, where the bronze medals are achieved by winning a playoff, whereas silver medals are awarded after a defeat in the final.

If you feel you had a realistic chance of winning (18-centers or a concession) the Diplomacy game you were in, came close, but didn’t win, you’re likely to feel a whole lot more disappointed than if you never felt you had a realistic chance of winning to begin with. The disappointment comes from being able to imagine what it would have been like if you had won the game. That’s because you can imagine yourself winning.

A player who is “playing to be included in a draw” and not playing to win in the strict sense will not experience the sting of defeat that someone would who felt he had a realistic chance of winning, came close to winning, and didn’t win. He never imagines himself winning.

I would assert that Diplomacy doesn’t have perfect play balance, that no one of the seven positions has an inherently overwhelming advantage over the other six, and that players have won with any of the seven positions multiple times. If a game begins with seven players, each of whom is playing for a “win” and believes he stands as good a chance as the other six players, six of those seven players will be disappointed. The higher your expectations, the greater will be your disappointment. A person who always plays for a “win” who wins only infrequently will experience greater dissatisfaction in the long run than someone who has lower expectations. As I like to say, a pessimist is never disappointed and sometimes pleasantly surprised, but that’s just me trying to be humorous.

Over time, one should expect the players who “play to win” to experience greater dissatisfaction than their counterparts who “play to be included in a draw.” The converse should also be true: all things being equal, a person “playing to be including in a draw” who plays in game populated by players with similarly limited expectations will experience more success (defined in his own way) than the person playing for a “win” in the strict sense.

Clearly, this phenomenon will be more pronounced in a zine with a draws-include-all-survivors (DIAS) rule. All you have to do is survive and you’re assured of being included in the draw, so all you have to do is manage not to be eliminated. Even if the house rules permit a survivor to not be included in the draw, one can arguably find comfort in feeling that being a mere “survivor” with 5 centers isn’t all that different from being included in the draw but having only 6 centers. It’s all in how you look at it.

In terms of maximizing the satisfaction derived from playing in many, many games of Diplomacy over a long period of time, “playing to be included in a draw” would appear to be distinctly rational behavior.

Brain Farts: The Only Subsubzine With It’s Own Fragrance

By Jack “Flapjack” McHugh – jack@diplomacyworld.net

(or just email Doug and he’ll send it to me)

Issue #17

I am still looking for work, which I get tired of saying. If you have any contacts or leads, please let me know. It gets terribly depressing at times, but I am trying to keep busy, go to the gym, and learn as much as I can in the meantime.

Adult’s-Only By Popular Demand

The players so far: Heather Taylor (HT), Mark D Lew (MDL), Martin Burgdorf (MB), John David Galt (JDG), Kevin Wilson (KW), Paraic Reddington (PR), Michael Moulton (MM), Bill Brown (BB), Brendan Whyte (BW).

Round 4 Categories:

1. An orifice. Vagina – KW. Mouth – MDL, MB, MM, HT. Asshole/Anus – PR, BW.

2. A venereal disease. Gonorrhea – KW, PR. Syphilis – MDL, BW. AIDS – MB. Herpes – MM, HT.

3. A celebrity who appeared nude in Playboy. Vanessa Williams – KW. Pamela Anderson – MDL, PR. Anna Nicole Smith – MB. Marilyn Monroe – MM. Farrah Fawcett – HT. Cybil Shepherd – BW.

4. Fantasy a man has which he is afraid to tell his wife about. Orgy – KW. Threesome – MDL. Oral Sex – MB. Bisexuality – MM. Domination by a Female– HT. His Sister – PR. Homosexual Encounters – BW.

5. A nickname used for a woman’s private parts. Pussy – KW, MDL, MB, MM. Beaver – HT. Poontang – PR. Fanny – BW.

New Scores: Martin Burgdorf (MB) – 76, Bill Brown (BB) - 71, Mark D Lew (MDL) - 69, Michael Moulton -(MM) - 66, Heather Taylor (HT) - 65, Paraic Reddington (PR) - 64, Brendan Whyte (BW) – 63, Kevin Wilson (KW) - 62, John David Galt (JDG) – 34.

Player Comments:

Mark D Lew - Does "pussy" even count as a nickname?  Whether it is or not, I'm going to bet that others will name it.

Pussy is actually my least favorite of the common names. Even the new-generation's "kitty" is better.  Like Erica Jong and D.H. Lawrence, I love "cunt", but most women will cringe if you say it.  Too bad.

In my experience your best bet is to avoid established nicknames altogether.  Any word with any currency some woman is going to have negative feelings about it and hate you for saying it, so just make up something. So long as you say it with intention and proper enthusiasm, you can use almost anything, though something botanical and/or edible is usually better. Like "strawberry" or "rosebud".  Compounds are good for extra character, like "peach-smile" or "honey-muffin".

Paraic Reddington - Why is it that every time I submit for this I feel like I need to go and wash my hands?

If you get that excited reading the categories, that’s your business!

Round 5 Categories:

1. A book which teaches or instructs on sex.

2. Another word for penis.

3. The worst insult to call a woman.

4. A lie men tell to get women to have sex with them.

5. Something inserted in the anus during sexual play.

Deadline will be the Friday before Doug’s deadline, which means this month it will be April 23rd at midnight.

And now, my annual Baseball Picks. If you bet with them and win money, you should send me some.

AL East:

1. Boston
2. Tampa Bay
3. NY Yankees
4. Baltimore
5. Toronto

Everyone says NY is unstoppable but I think they are simply too old to pull it off again--Tampa is clearly an up and coming team. O's look good but simply don't have the talent to compete yet with the big boys. Toronto is a mess, the NY Mets of the AL, no identity.

AL Central:

1. Chicago 
2. Minnesota
3. Detroit
4. Kansas City
5. Cleveland

Clearly the rebuilding division here..I liked the Twins till their closer Joe Nathan went out for the year to have Tommy John surgery--although if the Twins can find another closer they could easily take the division as the White Sox and the Twins are quite close. Detroit is rebuilding but they could make a run as well. KC and Cleveland are also rebuilding and neither has the pitching that Detroit has to let them compete for a wild card spot.

AL West:

1. Los Angles
2. Seattle
3. Texas
4. Oakland

One of the most competitive division in the league. I wouldn't be surprised is you revered the order (well, I don' t expect the Angles to come in last) in this division. I like Seattle's pitching, Texas' offense and age and the A's bullpen (but otherwise the A's have too many holes to do more than compete for a wild card spot.)

NL East

1. Philadelphia
2. Atlanta
3. Flordia
4. NY 
5. Washington

It’s hard not to pick the Phils since they have the best infield and starting pitching in the division. The Braves are clearly much improved with the starting rotation and some young guns in the middle infield. The question for the Braves is the health of Billy Wagner and whether Chipper Jones can bounce back. Flordia continues its quiet rebuilding that will pay off in another year or two when they can push the Braves/Phils. NY and the Nats are basket cases--NY needs an overhaul of its entire roster and the Nats need more talent, especially pitching.

NL Central

1. St. Louis
2. Milwaukee
3. Houston
4. Chicago
5. Cincinnati
6. Pittsburgh

The Cards have more talent both on the field and on the mound than everyone else. I think Milwaukee is moving in the right direction but doesn't have the firepower to compete with the Cards. Houston, aka Phillies South, is also moving forward under former Phils GM Ed Wade but I don't think Myers and Feliz will be enough to carry them over the Cards. The Cubs and Cincinnati are just mediocre--I'm sorry but Lou Pinella is the most overrated manager this side of Tony LaRussa. The Pirates don't seem to have a clue as they continue to trade away good young players for players in single and double A?

NL West

1. LA
2. San Francisco
3. Arizona
4. Colorado
5. San Diego

The Dodgers pitching will carry them through. San Fran has a decent lineup, if they get any kind of pitching they should make a run for the wild card. I'm not as sure about Arizona or Colorado. The D'backs need more pitching and the Rockies will, as usually, be depending on their bats. The Padres are in the midst of a major overall that will probably take another couple of years.

Okay, and to wind things up, as usual, a couple of jokes (Irish jokes this time). If nothing else at least I can try to brighten your miserable moods! Enjoy the start of the baseball season, which is always a reason to be happy, and I’ll see you sons-of-bitches next month.

An Irish man went to confession in St. Patrick's Catholic Church..

'Father', he confessed, 'it has been one month since my last confession. I had sex with Nookie Green twice last month.'

The priest told the sinner, 'You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's.'

Soon thereafter, another Irish man entered the confessional. 'Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I've had sex with Nookie Green twice a week for the past two months.'

This time, the priest questioned, 'Who is this Nookie Green?' 'A new woman in the neighborhood,' the sinner replied.

'Very well,' sighed the priest. Go and say ten Hail Mary's.;

At mass the next morning, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall, voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest. Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching, shiny emerald-green shoes.

The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but just enough to realize she wasn't wearing any underwear.

The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, 'Is that Nookie Green?'

The bug-eyed altar boy couldn't believe his ears but managed to calmly reply, 'No Father, I think it's just a reflection from her shoes'..

An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.

She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude'.  With that, she stripped, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed... 'YES! YES! I WON, I WON!'

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'

 The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'

Diplomacy (Black Press – Permanent Opening in ES): Signed up: Zachary Jarvie, needs six more to fill.

Gunboat Diplomacy (Black Press): Signed up: Two, need five more to fill. Sign up now!

Diplomacy Bourse (Black Press): Buy and sell the currencies of the Diplomacy nations. This Bourse is using the new game “Dulcinea” as its basis. Players may join at any time, and are then given 1000 units of every currency still in circulation. The rules to Bourse can be found in ES #24.

African Diplomacy (Black Press): From the late Phil Reynolds. Map and rules in ES #38. Signed up: None, need six more to fill. Sign up now! If nobody signs up by next issue, I will remove the game opening.

Asian Diplomacy II (Black Press): From the late Phil Reynolds. Map and rules in ES #38. Signed up: None, need seven more to fill. Sign up now! If nobody signs up by next issue, I will remove the game opening.

By Popular Demand: Game currently underway, join any time.

Adult’s Only By Popular Demand: Game in Jack’s sub-subzine “Brain Farts.” Game underway, join any time.

Eternal Sunshine Movie Quote Quiz: 10 rounds, join any time. You can find it at the end of the zine.

Standby List: HELP! I need standby players! – Current standby list: Graham Wilson, Jim Burgess (Dip only), Jeremie Lefrancois (Dip only), Lance Anderson (Dip only), Martin Burgdorf, Paul Milewski (Dip only), Brad Wilson, and whoever I beg into it in an emergency.

I’m going to continue to go through my files and seeing what other variants I can offer, until I find one that gets enough interest to fill sort of running out of ideas of what I want to offer next. I’ll look though my files. If somebody wants to guest-GM a game of anything, just get in touch. If you have specific game requests please let me know.

Diplomacy “Wouldn’t It Be Nice?” 2008A, W 09/S 10

Austria (Kevin Wilson - ckevinw “of” comcast.net): A Budapest – Vienna, A Galicia Supports A Warsaw,

F Greece Hold, F Ionian Sea - Tunis (*Fails*), A Rumania – Ukraine, A Serbia Supports F Greece,

A Warsaw Supports A Rumania - Ukraine.

England (Jérémie LeFrançois - jeremie.lefrancois “of”gmail.com): F Baltic Sea Convoys

A Denmark – Prussia, A Belgium – Burgundy, A Berlin Supports A Denmark – Prussia, A Denmark – Prussia,

F English Channel Supports F Irish Sea - Mid-Atlantic Ocean (*Fails*), F Irish Sea - Mid-Atlantic Ocean (*Fails*),

F Kiel - Helgoland Bight, A Livonia Supports A Moscow, A London – Denmark,

F Mid-Atlantic Ocean - North Africa (*Bounce*), A Moscow Supports A Sevastopol - Ukraine (*Void*),

F North Sea Convoys A London – Denmark, F Portugal - Spain(sc) (*Fails*).

France (William Wood – wxmanwill “of” hotmail.com): A Brest – Paris,

A Gascony Supports A Belgium - Burgundy.

Germany (Graham Wilson – grahamaw “of” rogers.com): A Bohemia - Tyrolia (*Bounce*).

Italy (Don Williams – dwilliam “of” fontana.org): Removes F Mid Atlantic..Builds F Naples..

A Marseilles - Burgundy (*Fails*), F Naples - Tyrrhenian Sea, F Spain(sc) Support French Autonomy (Holds),

F Tunis - North Africa (*Bounce*), A Venice - Tyrolia (*Bounce*),

F Western Mediterranean Supports F Spain(sc).

Turkey (Brad Wilson - bwdolphin146 “of”yahoo.com): Builds A Constantinople..

F Aegean Sea Supports A Bulgaria, F Black Sea Convoys A Constantinople – Rumania, A Bulgaria Hold,

A Constantinople – Rumania, A Sevastopol Supports A Rumania - Ukraine.

The DIAS Draw (A/E/F/G/I/T) Failed to Pass

Fall 1910 Deadline is April 27th at 7:00am my time

PRESS

Germany -> Italy: I hereby lay claim to Venice!  Back off, and you won't get hurt.

ROME to PARIS :  It’s not what you think … I’m just trying to recapture MUN.  I’m pretty sure I left my passport in a seat cushion in one of the beer halls.  In fact, I’m sure of it.

SPA – POR:  Enjoy the Portuguese countryside, my friend … it’s as far as you’ll get.  In the immortal words of my favorite Tolkien character … “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!!”

Constantinople-Rome: Your brokerage appreciated.

Diplomacy “Dulcinea” 2008C, Fall 1906

Austria (Lance Anderson – lance_anderson “of” hotmail.com): F Adriatic Sea Supports A Venice,

A Bohemia Supports A Tyrolia – Munich, A Piedmont - Marseilles (*Fails*), A Silesia - Berlin (*Fails*),

A Tyrolia - Munich (*Fails*), A Venice Hold, A Vienna Supports A Galicia – Bohemia (*Void*).

England (Philip Murphy trekkypj “of” gmail.com): F English Channel – Brest, F London – Wales,

F North Atlantic Ocean - Irish Sea, F North Africa Supports F Western Mediterranean - Tunis (*Void*),

F North Sea - English Channel, A Paris Supports A Burgundy - Gascony (*Void*),

A St Petersburg Supports A Moscow (*Ordered to Move*).

France (Brad Wilson – bwdolphin146 ”of” yahoo.com): A Gascony - Spain (*Fails*),

F Portugal Supports A Gascony - Spain.

Germany (William Wood – wxmanwill “of” hotmail.com): A Berlin Supports A Munich (*Cut*),

A Burgundy Supports A Marseilles, A Munich Supports A Burgundy (*Cut*), A Picardy – Belgium, F Prussia Hold,

A Ruhr Supports A Munich.

Italy (Melinda Holley – genea5613 “of” aol.com): A Marseilles Supports F Spain(sc) (*Cut*),

F Spain(sc) Supports A Marseilles (*Cut*), F Western Mediterranean Supports F Spain(sc).

Turkey (Jim Burgess – jfburgess “of” gmail.com): F Aegean Sea – Greece,

F Eastern Mediterranean - Aegean Sea, F Ionian Sea Supports F Tunis, A Moscow - St Petersburg (*Fails*),

F Naples - Tyrrhenian Sea, A Rome Supports F Tyrrhenian Sea – Tuscany, F Sevastopol - Black Sea,

F Tunis Supports F Naples - Tyrrhenian Sea, F Tyrrhenian Sea - Tuscany.

An England/Turkey Draw is Now Proposed – Please Vote With Your Next Orders

Winter 06/Spring 07 Deadline is April 27th at 7:00am my time

Ownership of Supply Centers:

Austria: Budapest, Rumania, Serbia, Trieste, Venice, Vienna, Warsaw=7, Even

England: Brest, Edinburgh, Liverpool, London, Norway, Paris, St Petersburg, Sweden=8, Build 1

France: Portugal=1, Remove 1

Germany: Belgium, Berlin, Denmark, Holland, Kiel, Munich=6, Even

Italy: Marseilles, Spain=2, Remove 1

Turkey: Ankara, Bulgaria, Constantinople, Greece, Moscow, Naples, Rome, Sevastopol,

Smyrna, Tunis=10, Build 1

PRESS

London Town Crier: Here ye, here ye. Nine O' Clock and all's AAAAAAAAAAARGGH!

Prime Minister to Kaiser: That Smaug, what a joker. So...... want to go dragon hunting in the Black Forest? There's bound to be gold in it for the two of us!

Prime Minister to Smaug: How are your rouble futures, old chap?

Smaug to Prime Minister: Save your breath, John Bull. I may have lost money but you, sir, are going to get creamed by Kaiser Wilhelm!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!! *flames* 

A/H to England: Thanks for noting the regime change. How would you like to carve up the Continent?

JIM-BOB to USELESS PHILIP: You'd more likely get more responses if you had it straight who was still here and who had left!!!

Prime Minister to Kaiser: That Smaug, what a joker. So...... want to go dragon hunting in the Black Forest? There's bound to be gold in it for the two of us! Enough to buy that lovely dreadnought you wanted!

“Dulcinea” Diplomacy Bourse

Billy Ray Valentine: Busy stealing the FOJC crop report.

Duke of York: Says “I yam what I yam” in a poor Popeye impression.

Smaug the Dragon: Sells 500 Crowns and 500 Pounds. Buys 1800 Marks.

Rothschild: Sells 230 Crowns and 500 Francs. Buys 350 Piastres.

Baron Wuffet: The Baron considers a trade, but does nothing.

Wooden Nickel Enterprises: Sells 500 Francs, 500 Lire, and 250 Marks. Buys 179 Pounds and 279 Piastres.

VAIONT Enterprises: Sells 300 Lira, 500 Pounds. Buys 505 Marks, 170 Piastres.

Insider Trading LLC: No activity this turn.

Bourse Master: Buys 294 Piastres.

Next Bourse Deadline is April 26th at 7:00pm my time

PRESS

Smaug the Magnificent to All... Ah... looks like I'm not the only one - some people are about to be burned *snorts flames*.

Prime Minister to Smaug: How are your rouble futures, old chap?

Rothschild to "Dragon": F's position is not at all hopeless - he can survive in Por for quite some time. And what is a gold loonie?

Smaug to Prime Minister: Save your breath, John Bull. I may have lost money but you, sir, are going to get creamed by Kaiser Wilhelm!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!! *flames* 

Prime Minister to Kaiser: That Smaug, what a joker. So...... want to go dragon hunting in the Black Forest? There's bound to be gold in it for the two of us!

Diplomacy “Just a Taste” 2009C, W 03/S 04

Austria (William Wood – wxmanwill “of” hotmail.com): Build F Trieste.. F Aegean Sea - Bulgaria(sc),

A Bulgaria – Rumania, A Galicia Supports A Rumania – Ukraine, A Greece Supports F Aegean Sea - Bulgaria(sc),

A Rumania – Ukraine, A Serbia Supports A Bulgaria – Rumania, F Trieste - Albania.

England (Robert Jewett – Robert_Jewett “of” navyfederal.org and robertjewett “of” yahoo.com):

No Moves Received! Has F Barents Sea, A Livonia, F London, A Moscow, A Norway.

France (Paraic Reddington - Paraic.Reddington “of” vix-erg.com): Build F Brest, A Paris..

A Belgium – Burgundy, F Brest - English Channel, F Liverpool – Clyde, A Marseilles - Piedmont (*Fails*),

F Naples - Ionian Sea, A Paris – Brest, A Rome Supports A Marseilles - Piedmont (*Fails*),

F Tyrrhenian Sea Supports F Naples - Ionian Sea.

Germany (Philip Murphy trekkypj “of” gmail.com): F Berlin - Baltic Sea, F Denmark - North Sea,

A Holland – Ruhr, A Prussia - Livonia (*Fails*), F Skagerrak Supports F Denmark - North Sea,

A Tyrolia – Trieste, A Warsaw - Moscow (*Fails*).

Italy (Ian Pringle - pringle.ian “of” btinternet.com): Removes F Eastern Mediterranean and A Tunis..

F Ionian Sea – Tunis, A Piedmont - Marseilles (*Fails*).

Turkey (Graham Wilson – grahamaw “of” rogers.com):

F Black Sea Supports A Sevastopol - Ukraine (*Fails*), F Constantinople Supports F Smyrna,

A Sevastopol - Ukraine (*Fails*), F Smyrna Supports F Constantinople.

Will Paul Milewski (paul.milewski “of” hotmail.com) Please Standby For England?

Fall 04 Deadline is April 27th at 7:00am my time

PRESS

Turkey -> Austria: There comes a time when you have to realize that it ISN'T GOING TO WORK.  It's a deadlock, and by the time you break through there will be French armies in Venice and Tyrolia and a French fleet in the Adriatic.  Back off and we can work together.

Kaiser Wilhelm von Murphy to Prime Minister Robert Jewett: Firstly, I sympathise with your position, I really do, but you really should have been building fleets.  I could see the stab was going to happen and I built fleets because much as I liked working with you, it was a mistake to build an army in London.

Them's the breaks I suppose. Thats why Triples are hard to make work. Too many twitchy backs anticipating stabs. No hard feelings eh? It's only Diplomacy after all :).

Turkey -> France: And you be quiet!  I can here you laughing all the way across Europe.

Germany to Austria: Nothing to see here, me and the boys just fancied alpine yodeling courses and some bob-sledding for our holidays this year. Don't worry, I'll send you a postcard from Zurich.

Turkey -> England: If I can get the Austrian to open his eyes, I shall be heading into the Med against the French.  Wish me luck, on both counts...

White Press Diplomacy “Creepshow” 2009D, F 02

Austria (Brad Wilson - bwdolphin146 “of”yahoo.com): F Adriatic Sea Supports F Tunis - Ionian Sea,

F Albania Supports F Ionian Sea – Greece, A Budapest Supports A Vienna – Galicia,

A Rumania - Bulgaria (*Disbanded*), A Vienna - Galicia (*Fails*).

England (Chuy Cronin – chuykdc_92 “of” hotmail.com): A London - Holland (*Fails*),

F North Sea Convoys A London – Holland, F Norway Supports F North Sea (*Cut*),

F Norwegian Sea Supports F Norway.

France (Michael Cronin – mfmcronin “of” q.com): F Belgium Supports A London – Holland,

A Marseilles Supports A Paris – Burgundy, A Paris – Burgundy, A Picardy - Belgium (*Fails*), A Spain Hold.

Germany (Pat Vogelsang – godawgsgo33 “of” yahoo.com): A Denmark Hold, F Holland Hold,

A Ruhr Supports F Holland.

Italy (Graham Wilson – grahamaw “of” rogers.com): F Ionian Sea – Greece, F Tunis - Ionian Sea,

A Tyrolia – Bohemia, A Venice Hold.

Russia (Kevin Wilson - ckevinw “of” comcast.net): A Galicia Supports A Ukraine - Rumania (*Cut*),

F Sevastopol Supports A Ukraine – Rumania, F St Petersburg(nc) - Norway (*Fails*),

F Sweden Supports F St Petersburg(nc) – Norway, A Ukraine – Rumania, A Warsaw Supports A Galicia.

Turkey (Larry Cronin – lcroninmd “of” msn.com): A Bulgaria – Serbia,

A Constantinople - Bulgaria (*Bounce*), F Eastern Mediterranean - Ionian Sea (*Fails*),

F Greece Supports F Eastern Mediterranean - Ionian Sea (*Dislodged*, retreat Aegean or OTB).

Winter 1902/Spring 1903 Deadline is April 27^th at 7:00am my time

Ownership of Supply Centers:

Austria: Budapest, Trieste, Vienna=3, Remove 1

England: Edinburgh, Liverpool, London, Norway=4, Even

France: Belgium, Brest, Marseilles, Paris, Portugal, Spain=6, Build 1

Germany: Berlin, Denmark, Holland, Kiel, Munich=5, Build 2

Italy: Greece, Naples, Rome, Tunis, Venice=5, Build 1

Russia: Moscow, Rumania, Sevastopol, St Petersburg, Sweden, Warsaw=6, Even

Turkey: Ankara, Bulgaria, Constantinople, Serbia, Smyrna=5, Build 1 or 2 Depending on Retreat

PRESS

Russia to All:  I fear we do not want to have our GM harangue us for a lack of press.  “You suck” doesn’t seem the best he could throw out but why tempt fate.

France-->Germany: You prove a weak, useless, and hopeless ally. I have given into the ideas of my brother.

France-->World: Boredom is depressing. Anyone have a joke?

Ita -> Tur: You stay away from my friend!!

France-->World: A Penguin walks into a bar and says, "Do you have some Fish?" The bartender says, "No! And Get out or i will shoot you!" The next day the penguin walks in and says, "Do you have some Fish?" The Bartender gets out his gun and is about to shoot when the penguin says, " Do you have any bullets?" The Bartender says, "No..."

Russia to Austria :  It seems we end up fighting each time we meet.  It’s nothing personal, just the way the board worked out this time.

France--> World:Knock Knock
Who's there?
Adolf
Adolf who?
A dolf ball hit me in the mowf!

Ita -> Aus: It's a gamble - I hope it pays off!

Russia to Turkey :  Think you can hold Greece ?

Diplomacy “Bellicus” from Strange Meeting, Spring 1908

England (Smiley McKinnon – Boltar35 “of” aol.com): A London Hold.

France (Pat Vogelsang – godawgsgo33 “of” yahoo.com): A Brest Supports A Picardy,

F Edinburgh - Norwegian Sea (*Bounce*), A Liverpool - Edinburgh (*Fails*), A Paris Supports A Brest,

A Picardy Supports A Brest, F Spain(sc) Supports F Western Mediterranean - Mid-Atlantic Ocean.

Italy (David Latimer – davidlatimeryork “of” yacoo.co.uk): A Vienna Hold.

Russia (Chris Babcock – cbabcock “of” asciiking.com): A Belgium Supports A Burgundy,

A Burgundy Supports A Belgium, F English Channel Supports F Mid-Atlantic Ocean,

A Galicia Supports A Tyrolia – Bohemia, F Holland - North Sea (*Fails*),

F Mid-Atlantic Ocean Supports F Spain(sc) (*Cut*), A Munich – Silesia,

F North Sea - Norwegian Sea (*Bounce*), A Ruhr – Munich, A Tyrolia – Bohemia,

A Ukraine - Sevastopol (*Fails*), A Warsaw - Moscow.

Turkey (Phil Amos – p.v.a “of” btinternet.com): A Ankara – Constantinople,

F Black Sea Supports A Rumania – Sevastopol, A Budapest – Rumania, F Constantinople - Bulgaria(ec),

F Marseilles Supports F Tuscany – Piedmont, A Rumania – Sevastopol, A Serbia Supports A Budapest – Rumania,

A Smyrna – Armenia, F Trieste Supports A Venice, F Tunis - North Africa, F Tuscany – Piedmont,

F Tyrrhenian Sea - Gulf of Lyon, A Venice Supports F Trieste,

F Western Mediterranean - Mid-Atlantic Ocean (*Fails*).

Fall/Winter 1908 Deadline is April 27th at 7:00am my time

PRESS

ITALY: Vienna fiddles while Rome burns!

Russia: Apologies for my former solo aspirations.

Deviant Dip II – “Black Licorice” – 2009Brc08 – Fall 1904

Drance (Jim Burgess – jfburgess “of” gmail.com with Don Williams ordering units): Ret A Mun and

F Lyo OTB..F StP(nc) H, A Ser(1) H(may ret to Gre, OTB), A Ukr H, F Cyp(1) H.

England (Russell Blau – russblau “of” imapmail.org): F Ice H [+1], F Lon-Ech [+1], A Wal-Lon,

F Bla-Ank [+2], A Smy S F Bla-Ank, F Con H [+1], A Bul H [+1], F Cre S F Ion [+1],

A Par S F Bre [+1](ret Bur, Pic, OTB).

Verminy (Hugh Polley - hapolley “of” yahoo.ca): F NAt – Lvp, F NAf – Mid, A Mos – Lvn, A Bel H.

Italy (John David Galt – jdg “of” diogenes.sacramento.ca.us): F Nwy H, A Swe-Den, F Kie S F Ber,

F Ber S F Kie(ret Bal, OTB).

Austria (Jack Mchugh - jwmchughjr “of” gmail.com): A Rum(2)-Bud.

Nussia (Mark D Lew – markdlew “of” earthlink.net): A Mun-Ber [+2], A Pru S A Mun-Ber, A Gas-Par [+2],

A Tus-Mar, F Lyo C A Tus-Mar, F Mid–Iri, F Wes-Mid, A Boh-Mun [+1], A Gal-Bud, A Tri-Ser [+2], F Adr-Alb,

A Ank H [+3].

Turkey (Jason Bergmann – jasonbergmann “of” gmail.com): Marlow’s Steamship H, A Rom H, A Apu H,

F Bre H, A Yor-Lvp, F Tun S F Ion, F Ion S F Tun, F Tyn S F Tun.

Votes:

Drance: 12 Yes on #72, 12 Yes on #73.

England: 9 spent on moves, 1 Yes on #72, 1 No on #73, 3 Yes on #74, 3 Yes on #75, 1 No on #76,

1 Yes on #77, 6 No on #78, 6 No on #79, 1 No on #80, 2 Yes on #81.

Verminy: 1 No on #72, 1 No on #77, 9 Yes on #80, 1 No on #81.

Italy: 16 Yes on #74, 1 Yes on #76, 1 Yes on #78.

Austria: No votes used.

Nussia: 17 spent on supports, 15 spent on buying 3 RP, 1 No on #74, 1 No on #75, 11 Yes on #76,

3 No on #77, 2 Yes on #78, 2 Yes on #79, 2 No on #80, 1 No on #81.

Turkey: 4 spent on supports, 30 spent on buying 6 RP, 2 Yes on #80, 2 Yes on #81.

Voting Results:

I have determined that rules 72, 75, and 76 have portions which contradict each other. Therefore they are Null and Void and no RP credit is given for them.

Nobody found the secret work, which was Firefly, at the bottom of Page 8. Well, nobody playing the game, anyway. Jim burgess did say “CRAP is the secret word.  Since the other players are CRAP for complaining about the way we're doing rules” but that was incorrect. A few of you included proposals this turn, but you only propose during Winter and Spring turns. If you want to use the rules you sent in for Winter, please resubmit them.

Rule 71 brings forth the following RP adjustments at the end of this turn (reflected below): Italy: Giants, +11RP; Nussia: A’s, -1RP; Turkey: Angels, -5 RP; All Else: Nationals, -10 RP. There will be additional adjustments next issue.

RP’s (Rule #21): Jack McHugh - 0; Russell Blau - 0; Jim Burgess - 0; Hugh Polley - 0; John David Galt - 15; Mark D Lew - 14; Jason Bergmann – 11.5.

Official Standby Players, as needed (both currently in the game): Jack McHugh (jwmchughjr “of” gmail.com), Hugh Polley (hapolley “of” yahoo.ca).

Winter 1904 Deadline is April 24th at 7:00pm my time

Note the deadline for this game is now SATURDAY NIGHT.

It takes too long to adjudicate to have orders arrive Monday night.

Don’t Forget to Choose a Rogue Unit (Rule #62)

The Blackjack Hand (Rule #61) gives an extra center this year to Verminy

Supply Center Chart, With Owned Home Centers in Bold

Centers With Garrisons Are Underlined

Drance Warsaw, Ireland, St. Petersburg, Cyprus, Greece?=4 or 5, No Room to Build

England Iceland, Smyrna, Crete, Constantinople, Wales, London, Bulgaria,

Amenia=8, Even or Remove 1

Verminy Greece?, Liverpool, Moscow, Holland, Belgium, Livonia, BJ=6 or 7, Build 2 or 3 (Room for 1)

Italy Denmark, Norway, Kiel, Sweden=4, Even

Austria Sevestapol, Rumania=2, No Room to Build

Nussia Tyrolia, Piedmont, Marseilles, Trieste, Venice, Spain, Budapest, Serbia, Ankara,

Vienna, Berlin, Portugal, Prussia, Paris, Munich, =15, Build 3 (Room for 2)

Turkey Corsica, Sardinia, Rome, Edinburgh, Naples, Tunis, Brest, Sicily=8, Even

Build Centers (When Owned) Are As Follows:

Drance Ankara, Belgium, Crete

England Smyrna, Iceland, Trieste

Verminy Vienna, London, Liverpool

Italy Serbia, Edinburgh, Denmark

Austria Venice, Holland, Armenia

Nussia Tyrolia, Piedmont, Livonia

Turkey Corsica, Prussia, Tunis, Sardinia

Passed Rule Proposals:

Rule #1 - More Deviant Rule (Proposed by Jason Bergmann).  Paragraphs (5), (7), and (8) of the Deviant Diplomacy II variant rules are repealed and replaced with the following:

(1) Every Winter and Spring season, each starting player who controlled at least one supply center at the end of the previous Fall season may propose up to two rule changes.  Such players may choose to submit fewer than two rule proposals without consequence.

(2) Every Winter and Spring season, each starting player who controlled no supply centers at the end of the previous Fall season may propose up to one rule change.  Such players may choose to submit no rule proposals without consequence.

(3) Every Spring and Fall season, each starting player has a number of votes equal to one plus the number of supply centers the starting player controlled at the end of the previous Fall season. 

(4) Players may vote yes or no.  Players may cast all of their votes for or against any one rule proposal, or players can split yes and no votes among multiple rule proposals.  Players' votes are published.

(5) A no vote on any rule proposal cancels a yes vote.  The rule proposal receiving the most net yes votes goes into effect beginning the next season.  If more than one rule proposal tie for the most net yes votes, then all tied rules go into effect beginning the next season.  The rule proposal (or proposals) will go into effect even if the net yes votes are zero or negative.

(6) In addition to any rule proposals that go into effect under paragraph (5), additional rule proposals may also go into effect beginning the next season, if such proposals receive one or more net yes votes and if such proposals do not receive no votes from at least two different players.

(7) If two or more rule proposals would go into effect on the same turn but conflict explicitly or implicitly with each other, then both rules are null and void.

(8) The phrase "starting player" refers to the seven players who started this game, plus any standby player who succeeds the position of a starting player in this game.  The word "player" includes all starting players and all other persons who enter the game as a result of the passage of additional rules.

(9) This rule may be amended or repealed only by any rule proposal going into effect under paragraph (5).  Any rule proposal going into effect under paragraph (6) that amends or repeals this rule, or which conflicts explicitly or implicitly with the terms of this rule, will have no effect.

Rule #8 - "Barbarian Hordes, or the Excess Profits Tax." (Proposed by John David Galt). When any power captures three or more supply centers (which he did not already own) in a single fall season, neutral armies known as "Barbarian Hordes" are immediately built in half of those centers (rounded down), selected at random by the GM.  This happens before the owner can build.

Once at least one Barbarian Horde exists on the board, player(s) may spend any or all of their rule votes to attempt to give an order to a Barbarian Horde.  Each Horde follows the order to it that gets the most votes.  If a Horde receives no orders, it is in disorder and holds.

If two or more orders to a Horde get the same number of votes, the tied orders are cancelled and Horde obeys the non-tied order with the most votes, even if that is a smaller number of votes than the tied orders got.

Barbarian Hordes are amphibious -- they can move to any land space as if they were armies, and to any water space as if they were fleets.  They cannot convoy or be convoyed.  They can support and be supported.  They cannot retreat, and are destroyed if dislodged -- but that is the only way to destroy them, because they do not need supply.

If a Barbarian Horde occupies a supply center after a Fall turn, that center becomes unowned.  However, a newly built Barbarian Horde does not affect the ownership of its starting location in the Fall turn in which it is built.

When a Barbarian Horde is built, the unit which captured that space is destroyed (thus allowing the owner to rebuild it normally in the Winter turn immediately afterward, if he holds enough centers). [[By rule #45 this rule is no longer in effect.]]

Rule #13 – “The Duck Escapes Rule” (Proposed by Don Williams): Due to inept leadership, poor press writing, and insufficient cerebral bandwidth the French Republic under Don “Le Duc” Guillaume is swept away in a monstrously effective coup d’etat.  A new government and extremely popular government – to be headed by the extraordinarily handsome, exceptionally erudite, and press-prolific James “Le Burgess du L’Isle du Rhodes” Burgess – is immediately installed.  Tragically, as “Le Duc” is dragged straightforward to the guillotine for his just come-uppance, he is permanently unavailable to be re-called into this travesty of a dip game.

Rule #14 - Duck Williams Heart of Darkness Rule (Proposed by Jim Burgess): While Don Williams may be "out of the game" one can never be OUT of this game. Two new Provinces in Africa are created by this rule, accessed from Belgium (for obvious reasons) and London.  Belgium now also is attached to the Upper River province, which in turn is attached to the Lower River Province, which in turn is attached to London.  Only Fleets may enter this "river pathway" between London and Belgium, convoys may be made through it if two fleets are in it.  The first fleet entering this pathway is forever afterward dubbed "Marlow's Steamship" (again for obvious reasons) and that player shall then document to the GM (via CC or other means) E-Mails, phone calls, text messages, Facebook/Twitter postings etc. to Don Williams where they say "The horror, the horror!"  Besides driving Don nuts, Marlow's Steamship shall never be able to be dislodged or removed in the game (regardless of whether it has a supporting supply center) as long as the GM (in his infinite wisdom of how to bug people) views that the owner of Marlow's Steamship has sufficiently bugged Don that month. [[For the basis of this rule “fleet” now refers to both “fleet” and “marine unit.”]]

Rule #15 - Habsburg Relocation Act (Proposed by Mark D. Lew): Besieged by enemies on all sides, the Habsburg emperor pleads to Heaven for delivierance! Heaven answers, and the core of the empire is removed from Europe and transplanted to a paradise island in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.

The four spaces of Vie, Bud, Tri, and Ser are transplanted: They are no longer adjacent to Boh, Gal, Rum, Bul, Gre, Alb, Adr, Ven, or Tyo. They are each adjacent to Mid (and thus have a coast now). They retain their normal adjacency with respect to each other. Any units currently occupying those spaces are transplanted with them. The area where those spaces used to be is now a large impassable void. [[By rule #45, this rule is no longer in effect.]]

Rule #16 - Drench the Vermin! (Proposed by Mark D. Lew): France, Russia and Germany are renamed Drance, Nussia, and Verminy. Whenever reporting game results, GM must list countries in the following order: Drance, England, Verminy, Italy, Austria, Nussia, Turkey.

Rule #17 - "Teleport Gates" (Proposed by John David Galt): The North Atlantic becomes adjacent to the Eastern Med. The Gulf of Bothnia becomes adjacent to the Western Med. Galicia becomes adjacent to Burgundy. [[By rule #45, this rule is no longer in effect.]]

Rule #19 – “Marines” (Proposed by John Walker): All units are made into units called Marines. Marines can move on Land, Water or by Air. Marines have no movement restrictions if by air. Air Movement takes 2 turns to complete, either a spring-fall or a fall-spring. [[By this rule, there are no longer convoys. Coasts are no longer necessary to specify, as the Marine units may move by land and sea. Movements by air must be specified as “by air” or “via air.” Destinations of air movements will not be revealed to the rest of the board until the 2^nd turn, although the player MUST specify the destination with the original order; if you order Moscow – Paris via air, the first adjudication will merely state Moscow – Moscow Air. The next adjudication will report Moscow Air – Paris. If the landing fails due to a bounce or other interference, the unit returns to the original location the following movement season. However, if unable to land at the location of origin because of a bounce or because it is occupied, the Marine which had attempted the air movement is destroyed, crashing due to lack of fuel. Once a unit is in the air, the space it used to occupy can be immediately occupied. In the above example, Moscow would be considered unoccupied immediately, so an uncontested move of Ukraine – Moscow would succeed even if ordered in the same season as Moscow – Moscow Air.]][[By rule #45, this rule is no longer in force.]]

Rule #21 - "It's All About the Rules" Rule (Proposed by Russell Blau):  Beginning with the season this rule goes into effect, each player (as defined in the More Deviant Rule) receives one Rule Point (RP) for each rule proposed by that player that goes into effect.  For every season in which voting takes place, each player receives one vote for each RP they hold, in addition to all votes provided for in other rules. Clause (9) of the Deviant Diplomacy II rules is repealed. The Victory Condition for this game is to control a majority of the awarded RPs, provided that no player can win the game until the total number of RPs awarded is greater than one-half the number of supply centers in existence.

Rule #22 - "Continent-Wide Web version 2.0" (Proposed by Russell Blau): Every passable space on the map is adjacent to the spaces immediately before and after it in alphabetical order. The list wraps around, so Yorkshire is adjacent to Adriatic Sea, and vice versa. All new coastlines created by this rule are considered to be contiguous to existing coastlines -- so, for example, a fleet that enters Yorkshire from the Adriatic can exist to the North Sea, and vice versa -- and new land boundaries created by this rule do not interrupt any existing coastlines. Each space's name is alphabetized based on how it is printed on the official map on the copy of The Game used by the GM. In addition, at the end of the Fall 1902 season, the GM will randomly select one land space for each power, from among all land spaces within that power's 1901 boundaries that is (a) not a supply center and (b) not occupied by any unit, which will immediately become a buildable home supply center for that power. [[In effect, the new adjacencies are “worm hole” passages, because they do not change any other aspects of the board. St. Petersburg is considered to be spelled out as Saint. I haven’t found any, but if someone discovers before next turn that this rule contradicts Rule #15 by making Vie, Tri, Ser, or Bud adjacent again to any of their original neighbors, then both rules are null and void by Rule #1 clause 7. As I mentioned, I haven’t found that to be the case, but I could be wrong. If no such contradiction is pointed out to me by the next deadline, both rules stand regardless.]] [[By rule #45, the adjacency aspects of this rule are no longer in effect. Also, by Scrambled Eggs, the extra centers are not necessarily build centers.]]

Rule #23 – “Island grabbing” (Proposed by Jason Bergmann): Effective immediately: Iceland is a German Home Center containing a German Fleet; Ireland is an English Home Center containing an English fleet; Corsica is an Austrian Home Center containing an Austrian Fleet; Sardinia is a French Home Center containing a French Fleet; Sicily is an Italian Home Center containing an Italian army; Crete is a Turkish Home Center Containing a Turkish Fleet; Cyprus is a Russian Home Center containing a Russian fleet.  All such spaces are now passable.  The Eternal Sunshine map shall be used to determine what other spaces to which they are adjacent.  In addition, Sicily and Naples are adjacent to each other, and Corsica and Sardinia are adjacent to each other. [[By Scrambled Eggs, these are not necessarily build centers.]]

Rule #25 - The Boob Says Nay and Ducks (Proposed by Jim Burgess): Jim-Bob has NO interest in actually playing this game, so he gives control of all the units back to Don "The Duck" Williams.  So as to meet the criteria of the previously passed "unlucky" Rule 13, Don is NOT actually re-called into the game.  He just has to control all the units.  The Boob will retain all the voting and rule-proposing rights that are the only reason anyone would actually want to play this insane game and define who the actual players are.  If this rule passes, the Boob (aka Jim-Bob) can never push a piece, order a unit, or any other order writing construct that anyone cares to propose for any power for the rest of the game. [[Don Williams will now be called on to submit movement orders for French units.]]

Rule #28 - Invisibility Spells (Proposed by John David Galt): Each Spring or Fall turn, each player may spend one of his rule votes to cause one of his units to become invisible.  The unit will act normally in all respects, but its location, and any orders to it, will be known only to its owner and the GM.  Invisibility takes effect immediately -- before the adjudication of orders on the same turn in which it is cast -- and only ends if the unit, at the end of any turn, is in a supply center which did not belong to the unit's owner at the beginning of that turn.  (On that turn its location is revealed but the order, if any, it received that turn is not.)  Neighboring units affected by the invisible unit will know whether their orders succeeded or not, but will not be told why. [[This rule is no longer in force, except for one remaining invisible unit.]]

Rule #31 - Take over the Dulcinea (Proposed by Jim Burgess): As soon as this is passed (i.e. in the same issue), a "Dulcinae II" board is created with all the players and unit positions of the Dulcinae game.  All of the Dulcinae players control their units on the Dulcinae II board as well as the original board, but initially (until modified by future rules in this game) cannot issue orders any differently from in Dulcinae I, their submitted orders are also executed on Dulcinae II.  Every Fall turn, each player on the Black Licorice board randomly will have one of its units cloned onto the Dulcinae II board in the same location and it annihilates any existing Dulcinae II unit in that space.  If the randomly chosen unit is in a "new space", the entire rule creating that space will also be transferred to the Dulcinae II board -- otherwise all rules on the Dulcinae board are as in Standard Diplomacy (at least for now).  These units have one free game year, the unit does not have to be in a supply center to stay on the Dulcinae II board, but after that must support themselves by taking centers on the Dulcinae II board, centers are counted separately on each board.  [[This rule doesn’t actually take effect until ES #34, but since this rule does not do anything to the “Dulcinae II” game until the Fall turn (which I have decided to rule refers to the Fall turn in Black Licorice since Jim was not specific) it makes no difference whether it starts right now or not.]] [[By Rule #45, this rule is no longer in effect.]]

Rule #32 - Take over Eternal Sunshine (Proposed by Jim Burgess): Rules proposed in Black Licorice can have real effects on other games in Eternal Sunshine.  If this rule passes and subsequent Black Licorice rules pass that affect other games, the GM/Publisher shall poll players in those games as to whether the Deviant rule shall take effect.  Any veto by any player in the "real" Eternal Sunshine game invalidates the Black Licorice rule for that game (rules proposed to affect multiple ES games can thus actually only affect a subset of those games).  These rules can be re-proposed, but can cause the GM to poll players in any given Eternal Sunshine game no more than once per Eternal Sunshine issue. [[By Rule #45, this rule is no longer in effect.]]

Rule #34 - Snowball fighting! (Proposed by Mark D. Lew): During each winter season, each unit on the board may throw a snowball at any other unit on the board. When ordering throws, the player should specify a path of adjacent spaces, starting with the space occupied by the thrower and ending with the space of the target. (For snowball purposes, use adjacencies per the original map, ignoring any changes in game geography due to deviant rules. A snowball's path may include an impassable space such as Switzerland.) The path must be reasonably straight, as if drawing a straight line from somewhere in the one space to somewhere in the other, but will be judged generously if it seems close enough. If a path is clearly not straight, GM may either designate a new path with the same start and end space or else disqualify the throw as too preposterous.

Each snowball throw has a 1/N chance of hitting its target, where N is the length of the path including start and end spaces. It also has 1/N chance of hitting any unit in an intervening space along the path. Snowball throws are ordered with winter builds, but they are resolved after builds. Newly built units may neither throw nor be targeted, but they might be hit if they end up in an intervening path along a throw. Units about to be disbanded may throw or be targeted before they go, but they won't be around to get hit.

For each successful throw of length N=3 or more, the throwing player scores N style points. No style points are scored for hitting a unit other than the target, and no style points are scored for a throw of N=2. A player who scores eight or more style points in a turn gets one additional vote on rule proposals the following season. (Style points are not cumulative, and any number less than eight garners no voting benefit.)

Snowball hits taken by a unit are cumulative and tracked from year to year. During the winter season, any unit may, instead of throwing a snowball, be ordered to go inside and dry off. It takes no hits that winter and its cumulative total of hits is restored to zero. For each unit ordered to go inside and dry off, a player gets -5 style points that winter.

Any unit which suffers 20 snowball hits is considered pummeled and is treated as if in civil disorder for the rest of the game. It may not move or support during spring and fall turns. It also may not throw snowballs nor go inside during winter. [[As the rule does not specify, a player MAY hit his own units with a snowball. Also, once a snowball hits a unit, it stops its trajectory; so you can only hit one unit with each throw, and if you hit one along the path it never reaches the destination. And to be clear, the chance for a hit is not variable; if you throw where N=5, the spaces along the way with units have a 1/5 chance of being hit, regardless of how far from the initial throwing space they are.]]

Rule #36 - In Democracy Flagrante (Reproposed by Russell Blau): After all other rules are resolved, the number of votes permitted by each player is doubled.

Rule #38 - Scrambled Eggs (Proposed by Jason Bergmann):  At the end of Winter 1902, after builds, all units will be redistributed randomly among all passable spaces.  Armies landing in water will become fleets.  Fleets landing in non-coastal land spaces will become armies.  In addition, supply centers will be redistributed among all players.  After such redistribution, each player will have the same number of supply centers, but such centers will be randomly chosen.  In Spring 1903, each player may designate three of his supply centers to be home centers.  (Russia may designate four) [[All units were Marines at the time, the changes from army to fleet and vice versa were ignored.]]

Rule #41 - Votes as Currency (Proposed by Jason Bergmann): During Spring and Fall turns, votes may be spent as follows:

(1) One vote to support a unit in place.
(2) Two votes to support any unit's move.
(3) Three votes to garrison a controlled supply center.  A garrisoned supply center has an intrinsic defensive strength of one if the area is unoccupied.  A garrison is destroyed if any other player's unit occupies the garrisoned space. 
(4) Five votes to buy one Rule Point.

These expenditures are in addition to those that are provided by other rules.

Rule #42 - Collapsing Wormholes (Proposed by Jason Bergmann): Each "wormhole" (i.e., adjacency between any two spaces that are not adjacent on the map published in Eternal Sunshine), immediately collapse after any unit successfully moves through it.  All other wormholes that touch either of those two spaces also immediately collapse.  No additional movement is allowed through a collapsed wormhole.  For each successful move that causes one or more wormholes to collapse, the moving player will receive 0.5 Rule Points.  (Fractional rule points do not round up.)  The adjacencies created by Rules 14, 17 and 22 are non-geographic adjacencies and qualify as wormholes.  The adjacencies created by Rules 15 and 23 are geographic adjacencies and do not qualify as wormholes.  With each game result, the GM shall publish an alphabetical list of all non-collapsed wormholes.  This rule does not apply retroactively. [[This rule currently only applies to the adjacencies to the Upper and Lower River, as Rule #45 eliminated the rest. The Upper River wormhole has collapsed, and the Lower River no longer exists due to Rule #55.]]

Rule #44 - It's 2 a.m., boys. Time to go home (Proposed by Mark D Lew): If at the end of the Fall 1910 turn no player has achieved victory, the game ends and Heather Taylor is declared the winner.

Rule #45 - Return to (Relative) Normalcy (Proposed by Mark D Lew): Now that we are completely scrambled, the board returns to normal and we try to regain our sanity:

Units, center ownership, and home centers remain as determined by the Egg Scrambling. Board adjacencies return to normal (reversing the effects of Continent-Wide Web, Habsburg Relocation, and Teleport Gates). The island spaces are still passable dots but with normal board adjacencies only (including Cor-Sar and Nap-Sic). Upper and Lower River still exist, treated as ordinary sea spaces adjacent to Belgium and London respectively and to each other.

Jim Burgess and Don Williams still control Drance's votes and moves as currently specified, but any other deviant business related to them is repealed, as are the rules extending Deviant influence to other games in the zeen (ie, #31 and #32).

All marines become armies or fleets (army if in a landlocked space, fleet if in a sea space, randomly chosen otherwise). Any marine currently in the air continues its flight as a marine but then reverts to army or fleet once it lands. No new marines may be built. Any barbarian horde currently existing continues as such until destroyed, but the rule is repealed with regard to new barbarians. Any unit currently invisible remains so until revealed, but the rule is repealed with regard to new invisibility. (That is, #8, #19, and #28 are no longer in effect once their current alterations expire.)

Other rules (ie, #1, #16, #21, #34) remain in effect.

In re-establishing normalcy, this rule does not override any new abnormalcies (eg, adjacencies) passed simultaneously.

#50 - "Say the Secret Woid and Win a Hundred Dollars" (Proposed by Russell Blau):  In every issue of Eternal Sunshine, the GM will publish a secret word, somewhere _outside_ the Black Licorice game report.  The secret word will be clearly identified; for example, the zine may say "The secret word is zucchini"; but the GM can vary the exact phrasing so that players cannot easily find the answer with a simple text search. Each player who correctly repeats the secret word in their orders the following season can cast extra votes equal to one-half their current vote total, dropping any fractions. In Winter, if there is no voting [if Rule #39 does not pass], players who correctly repeat the secret word can make an extra rule proposal.

#53 - "Plunder" (Proposed by John David Galt): Any unit which is in a supply center during a spring or fall turn, and performs no other action in that turn except to hold, may plunder that supply center.  Barbarian Hordes may plunder.  Plundering fails only if the unit ordered to plunder is dislodged on that turn. A plundered space ceases to be a supply center for any purpose for two full game years beginning at the end of the turn in which it was plundered.  (Thus a space plundered in Spring 1904 would become a supply center again after Spring 1906.)

#55 – “Disappearing Spaces” (Proposed by Mark D Lew): Each spring or fall, after adjudication of moves, the least popular space will be removed from the game. GM will identify the unoccupied space which has gone unoccupied for the longest time. If there is a tie, GM will randomly choose from among them. This space will be annexed by one adjacent space, again chosen at random by the GM. Thenceforth, the disappearing space no longer exists, and the annexing space now occupies the entire area of the two spaces combined. The annexing space maintains all its original qualities, including name, land/sea, dot/non-dot, and occupying unit. For example, if the Tyrrhenian Sea is annexed by Tunis, then the new Tunis would become a large land space dot which now borders Lyo, Tus, Rom and Nap; it would have two coasts, and Rome would no longer have a coast.

#58 - Junior Birdman (Proposed by Pete Gaughan): An air attack automatically defeats any unit or movement on the ground. [[This rule will have no effect unless Marines or some other airborne unit is adopted.]]

Rule #60 - Heather Wins Regardless (Proposed by Jim Burgess): If some player achieves what appear to be victory conditions by current or any future rules prior to Fall 1910, then Heather Taylor still wins and the "winner" on the board gets a booby prize

Rule #61 – Blackjack (Proposed by Russell Blau): After each Fall season, the GM will shuffle a standard
52-card deck of playing cards and deal out one card to each supply center. Each player's blackjack hand consists of the cards dealt to that player's owned centers.  As per normal blackjack rules, face cards are worth 10, and aces are either 1 or 11, whichever gives the player the better result.  The player with the best hand (highest value less than or equal to 21) wins, and gets an extra off-board supply center for the following game year. [[The off-board supply center is not a build center and cannot be moved to.]]

Rule #62 - RP Decay (Proposed by Russell Blau):  Rule Points are radioactive.  Each game-year, there is a 1/20 probability that any given RP will decay (i.e., be permanently lost). Decays will be calculated during the Winter adjustment phase.

Rule #67 - The Center Cannot Hold (Proposed by Jack McHugh): Every year, after winter builds but before spring orders, each player chooses one unit to go rogue (in the event of a tie the the GM will randomly chose a unit to go rogue.) The unit is considered in civil disorder and will hold in place but cannot be supported by anyone. The unit is removed if forced to retreat or if not on a center during any winter turn.

Rule #70 - Nasty Nussia Needs to be Neighborly (Proposed by Jason Bergmann): During this time of economic crisis, a populist backlash against Nussian executive bonuses has drastic consequences.  As a result, each non-Nussian starting player casting at least two votes for this proposal may name (along with such votes) one Nussian controlled supply center that will immediately become a home supply center controlled by such player, along with any unit located within.  In case of a conflict between two players who choose the same supply center, the player with the heaviest concentration of nearby units (as determined by the GM) will gain control.  For each supply center so lost, Nussia may convert one non-home supply center into a home supply center in the forthcoming winter and may throw one snowball from each new home center named during that winter. [[Sardinia was the only center named by an eligible player – Turkey – so Sardinia is now a Turkish home and build center.]]

Rule #71 - Spring Training (Proposed by Jason Bergmann): Each starting player may name, along with their Spring 1904 orders, one major league baseball organization.  For each spring training win earned by that organization, the starting player will receive one RP.  For each spring training loss suffered by that organization, the starting player will lose one RP.  The same baseball organization may be chosen by multiple starting players.  Starting players failing to choose a baseball organization with their Spring 1904 orders will be assigned the Washington Nationals, which can barely be described as an organization and whose games can barely be described as baseball. [[Italy takes the Giants, Nussia takes the A’s, and Turkey takes the Angels. Everybody else gets the Nationals. These RP will be added or subtracted each issue AFTER the turn, based on the record at that point. So you can’t use the RP’s (or you don’t lose them) until you see the adjustment in an issue of ES.]]

#73 - Perpetual Movement Orders Not Allowed, No DUCKING! (Proposed by Jim Burgess): Since some ducklike guys in this game have been making perpetual orders to avoid NMRing and being eliminated from this monstrosity, this is antithetical to the point of the game, which is uhhh, well that's to make weird proposals, but anyway, the people supposed to be pushing the pieces need to push the pieces, so perpetual orders of any kind are not allowed, all players now are not allowed to issue HOLD orders to any more than one "regular" unit (defined as those on the printed playing map) in any Spring/Fall movement season.  Players failing to make such moves are judged to have NMRed and are replaced.

#74 - "I am rubber, you are glue" (Proposed by Russell Blau):  If a player (the "Proposer") proposes a rule that specifically singles out one or more player(s) or power(s) by name (the "Target") for special treatment, which in the GM's sole and unappealable judgment would be adverse to the Target, and that proposed rule is _not_ adopted, then the GM shall immediately apply that rule as if it had been adopted with the Target's name deleted and the Proposer's name (or power) substituted in its place.

PRESS:

Nussia to Turkey: I'd just like to point out that if I were trying to win this game, I could have abandoned regular voting this turn and used my big pile of votes to buy 11 new RPs. Combined with the Nationals and Angels totally tanking in spring training, and trusting that enough others will vote for rule #76 so that it annuls the possibility of #75 passing and sinking me, those 11 RPs would probably be enough to edge me past Galt and the Giants to end up with a majority of RPs. But, even though I did see that possibility, I didn't do it, because I'm not trying to win.

Collapsed Wormhole to Marlow's Steamship: The horror, the horror!

Disappearing Spaces to Marlow's Steamship: The horror, the horror!

Lew to Bergmann: Serves you right for picking the Angels.

Lew to Galt:  I hope you're surviving tax season OK.  Hell of a time for you and I to suddenly find ourselves in a spring training deviant pennant race.

Black Press Gunboat, “Maple Sugar,” 2009Crb32, F 04

Austria: A Budapest – Trieste, A Galicia Supports A Tyrolia – Vienna, A Tyrolia – Vienna,

A Venice Supports A Budapest - Trieste.

England: F English Channel Supports F North Sea, F North Sea Supports F Norwegian Sea (*Cut*),

F Norwegian Sea Supports F North Sea.

France: A Marseilles – Spain, A Paris – Brest, F Western Mediterranean - Tunis.

Germany: A Belgium – Burgundy, A Burgundy – Paris, F Denmark Supports F Norway - North Sea,

F Holland Supports F Norway - North Sea, A Munich Supports A Belgium – Burgundy,

A Picardy Supports A Burgundy - Paris.

Italy: Remove A Venice..F Ionian Sea - Tyrrhenian Sea, A Piedmont – Marseilles,

F Trieste Hold (*Dislodged*, ret Adriatic, Albania, OTB),

A Vienna Supports F Trieste (*Dislodged*, retreat Budapest, Bohemia, OTB).

Russia: F Armenia - Black Sea, F Black Sea – Rumania, A Finland - Norway (*Fails*),

F Norway - North Sea (*Fails*), A Rumania – Serbia, A St Petersburg – Moscow, A Ukraine - Warsaw.

Turkey: F Aegean Sea Supports A Bulgaria, F Ankara Hold, A Bulgaria Supports A Galicia - Rumania (*Void*),

A Constantinople Supports F Ankara.

Winter 1904/Spring 1905 Deadline is April 27th at 7:00am my time

Ownership of Supply Centers:

Austria: Budapest?, Greece, Trieste, Venice, Vienna=4 or 5, Even or Build 1

England: Edinburgh, Liverpool, London=3, Even

France: Brest, Spain, Tunis=3, Even

Germany: Belgium, Berlin, Denmark, Holland, Kiel, Munich, Paris=7, Build 1

Italy: Marseilles, Naples, Rome, Budapest?=3 or 4, Even or Build 1 Depending on Retreat

Russia: Moscow, Norway, Rumania, Serbia, Sevastopol, St Petersburg, Sweden, Warsaw=8, Build 1

Turkey: Ankara, Bulgaria, Constantinople, Smyrna=4, Even

Unowned: Portugal.

PRESS:

THE FOUR CORNER REPORT: Italy's excellent position deteriorates as Austria takes Ven and  France enters the West Mediterranean Sea. Russia and Turkey continue to dance and England holds in place Russia's northern corner units.   The big winner this year is Germany in position to strike all along  her West/North/South Front. Austria's position is very weak unless she somehow gains a unit, no threat to any corner power.

R-->A: Sorry. it looked up for grabs

Italy - France:  Why don't you stop sending me advice and tend to your own country mr. diplomacy??? You are being attacked by BOTH of your other neighbors!

R-->T: Truce my friend. we have other wars to fight. Danger is afoot. We must ally. Do you agree?

R-->G: I sent my fleet again. may this work.

Eng -> All: Egad, I'm stuck.  I need all my units just to keep Russia and his loyal toady out of the North Sea.  My only hope is that the aforementioned toady wakes up before it is too late....

Germany – Russia: Should work with 2 support! Will repeat until you've made it! My request is that your Fleet be ready to provide support for a future move (either into Eng or poss into Nth if you've made it to GB). I'll help you in GB, but I want Fleet access around France/SW. Building a StP Fleet would help.

Eng -> GM: Sigh.

Italy - Austria: nothing personal but italy needs lebensraum

R-->I: Impressive.

T -> A: My secret service found out that the message from Spring attributed to you was fake - an attempt by a hostile power to sow discord between our two great countries. The same was true for a Russian letter last year. Who is the criminal who tries to fan the flames of war in Europe? He should feel ashamed of himself. The Turkish units are just defending their fatherland and have made since quite some time no attempt to conquer other countries. My government is a shining example of putting pacifist ideas under difficult circumstances into reality, and by giving always the same set of orders Turkey has become the most reliable power in Europe. As proof of my ID I state that my moves are the same als last time, except for the support order for A.

R-->E: give up.

Eng -> France: It's been fun.  Take care!

R -> E: I do not think that T has an alliance with I.

Italy - Russia: you gonna just stand there or you are you going to help?

By Popular Demand

Credit goes to Ryk Downes, I believe, for inventing this. The goal is to pick something that fits the category and will be the "most popular" answer. You score points based on the number of entries that match yours. For example, if the category is "Cats" and the responses were 7 for Persian, 3 for Calico and 1 for Siamese, everyone who said Persian would get 7 points, Calico 3 and the lone Siamese would score 1 point. The cumulative total over 10 rounds will determine the overall winner. Anyone may enter at any point, starting with an equivalent point total of the lowest cumulative score from the previous round. If a person misses a round, they'll receive the minimum score from the round added to their cumulative total. In each round you may specify one of your answers as your Joker answer. Your score for this answer will be doubled. In other words, if you apply your Joker to category 3 on a given turn, and 4 other people give the same answer as you, you get 10 points instead of 5. Players who fail to submit a Joker for any specific turn will have their Joker automatically applied to the first category. And, if you want to submit some commentary with your answers, feel free to. The game will consist of 10 rounds. A prize will be awarded to the winner. Research is permitted!

Round 6 Categories

1. Any lead singer of a musical band.

2. Something a kite design is meant to look like.

3. A U.S. state generally regarded as a bad place to live.

4. A popular television show in the 1950’s.

5. A color you see in a rainbow.

Selected Comments By Category:

Singer – Andy Lischett “Do I have to say Bono when I want to say Grace Slick? Rats…” Phil Murphy “Few to contend with him, except maybe Hendrix. Bohemian Rhapsody, anyone?”

Kite – Rick Desper “Or a quadrilateral with perpendicular diagonals.  But I'll go with the dragon.” Phil Murphy “Um I'm not really much of an expert - hopefully others will pick this too.”

Bad State –Andy York “New Jersey probably a runner up.” Dane Maslen “I selected my answer for number 3 based on this item of research: http://www2.warwick.ac.uk/newsandevents/pressreleases/research_finds_the/” Rick Desper “This is a toughie.  The obvious answer is "New Jersey" but I'm not going to pick it because I lived there for quite some time and I'd much rather live there than in Texas or a dozen other states.” Allison Kent “I only said Michigan because of Detroit.” Phil Murphy “Honestly I have no idea. I'm Irish not American. The fact that Jay and Silent Bob are supposedly from there alone makes this my choice. Obviously this won't be my joker...” Pat Vogelsang “Oklahoma is absolutely the worst place to live. That’s why Andrew Jackson sent the Native American’s there. (trail of tears). What a jerk.”

50’s TV Show – Michael Moulton “Has to by I Love Lucky or Gunsmoke.” Allison Kent “I Love Lucy is my answer, even though I love Lassie!” Phil Murphy “This is another tough one for me. I boiled it down to three choices - the other two were "I Love Lucy"  and "The Lone Ranger". But I'm mindful of the audience so I'm betting this one will be fairly popular.”

Rainbow Color – Michael Moulton “1 in 7 chance here, go with the obvious.” Phil Murphy “I like red. So red it is.”

Hooray for Allison Kent and Dane Maslen for scoring the highest this round – 85 out of a possible 88

Round 7 Categories – Deadline is April 27th at 7:00am my time

1. A game played with dice in any capacity.

2. A mountain range.

3. A pastry.

4. A Disney film.

5. Something yellow.

There are ten rounds of movie quotes, and each round consists of ten quotes. Anyone may enter at any point, starting with an equivalent point total of the lowest cumulative score from the previous round. If a person misses a round, they'll receive the minimum score from the round added to their cumulative total. If you want to submit some commentary with your answers, feel free to. The game will consist of 10 rounds. A prize will be awarded to the winner – and it might be a very good prize! Research is not permitted! So please try to avoid the temptation to Google the quotes. Im doing many of the quotes from memory anyway, so you won’t necessarily be able to find them by direct search…so don’t try! Each round will also contain one bonus point, which is awarded if you can tell me what the ten movies being quoted have in common.

Round Four

#1. You've got to listen to me! You have any idea what you'd have to look forward to if you stayed here? Nine chances out of ten, we'd both wind up in a concentration camp. Casablanca, Correct – PR, AL, RD, JB, PV. To Be or Not to Be – JM.

#2. I hate the British! You are defeated but you have no shame. You are stubborn but you have no pride. You endure but you have no courage. Bridge Over the River Kwai, Correct – PR, AL, RD, JM, JB, PV.

#3. Here we are. You got me into your house. You give me a drink. You put on music. Now you start opening up your personal life to me, and tell me your husband won't be home for hours. The Graduate, Correct – JB, PV. Where Eagles Dare – PR. Chicago – RD.

#4. You had the talent to become a good fighter, but instead of that, you become a leg-breaker to some cheap, second rate loan shark! Rocky, Correct – PR, AL, RD, JM, JB, PV

#5. He better be worth it. He better go home and cure a disease, or invent a longer-lasting light bulb. Saving Private Ryan, Correct – PR, AL, RD, JM, JB, PV

#6. 1970 Pontiac Firebird. The car I've always wanted and now I have it. I rule! American Beauty, Correct – PR, RD, JM, JB, PV. Born on the 4^th of July - AL

#7. Twenty zloty, that's all we have left, twenty zolty. What can I buy with twenty zloty? I am sick of cooking potatoes, potatoes, potatoes. The Pianist, Correct – RD, JB, PV. The Guns of Navarone – PR. Yentl – AL.

#8. That's the one good thing about Paris: there's a lot of girls willing to take their clothes off. Titanic, Correct – PR, JB, PV. Moulin Rouge – RD. American in Paris – RD.

#9. They showed no corrections of any kind. Not one!. He had simply written down music already finished in his head; page after page of it as if he were just taking dictation. Amadeus, Correct – PR, AY, AL, RD, JM, JB, PV

#10. What do I think? I think you're married to a fat lady and you go home and you fuck the living daylights out of her! Ordinary People, Correct – PR, JM, JB, PV. The Departed – RD.

Bonus: What do all these films have in common? They all won the Academy Award for Best Director, Correct – JB, PV. All won Best Picture – AL, RD.

While I don’t have room to print them all, or to make them all into something sensible, I do enjoy the comments many of you send along about how you’re trying to piece together the films by figuring out the bonus category at the same time. Sometimes it results in multiple emails from players, but the hunt is fun to follow. They’re similar in a way to some of the detailed comments Mark D Lew and others give in Andy York’s Hangman game (which you should try if you never have; check out his column). This time around I was correct that Rocky and Amadeus would be the easiest to identify. A few, like the Graduate, were harder to place unless you realized the Oscar connection.

Round Five

#1. You have no idea how fortunate that makes you, liking people. Being liked, having that facility, that lightness, that charm. I don't have it; I never did.

#2. You know, when I was a little kid, I always wanted a brother. I told that to mom once. She said, "You have a brother" and I said, "Oh, so that's who the asshole in the other bed is".

#3. The street is the only thing that matters. Court is for uptown people with suits, money, lawyers with three names. If you got cash you can buy court justice.

#4. "I strenuously object?" Is that how it works? Hm? "Objection." "Overruled." "Oh, no, no, no. No, I strenuously object." "Oh. Well, if you strenuously object then I should take some time to reconsider."

#5. There's no way on earth we're going to get out of here tonight. We'd have more luck playing pickup sticks with our butt-cheeks than we will getting a flight out of here before daybreak.

#6. Christ, seven years of college down the drain…might as well join the fucking Peace Corps.

#7. No, I'm drinkin' my rations, same as you... I think old Swigert gave me the clap. Been pissin' in my relief tube.

#8. I don't know you. I don't know your work. But I think you are a genius. And I am never wrong about that.

#9. If you're gonna piss your life away writing some goddamn book that no one is ever gonna give a crap about, why did you have to involve my daughter?

#10. Good thing I didn't flatline. My 350-pound babysitter would be chasing me for the half-eaten pastrami sandwich I stole from her.

Bonus: What do all these films have in common?

Scores: BW – Brendan Whyte (0 + 2 = 2), DM – Dane Maslen (0 + 2 = 2), PV - Pat Vogelsang (11 + 22 = 33) In the Lead!, RD – Rick Desper (7 + 8 = 15), PR – Paraic Reddington (8 + 2 = 10), AL – Andy Lischett (5 + 4 = 9), AY – Andy York (1 + 3 = 4), JB – Jim-Bob Burgess (11 + 21 = 32), JM – Jack McHugh (6 + 12 = 18), DW – Don Williams (0 + 6 = 6), MH – Melinda Holley (0 + 0 = 0).

Deadline for your answers to Round 5: April 27th at 7:00am my time

General Deadline for the Next Issue of Eternal Sunshine: April 27th, 2010 at 7:00am my time

See You Then!