Eternal Sunshine #42

July 2010

By Douglas Kent 911 Irene Drive, Mesquite, TX  75149

Email: doug of whiningkentpigs.com or diplomacyworld of yahoo.com

gdalogoOn the web at http://www.whiningkentpigs.com – or go directly to the Diplomacy section at http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/.  Also be sure to visit the official Diplomacy World website which can be found at http://www.diplomacyworld.net.  Also remember to check out http://www.helpfulkitty.com for official Toby the Helpful Kitty news, advice column, blog, and links to all his available merchandise!  Links to many of the books and DVDs reviewed can be found by clicking on the Amazon Store button in the main menu of the Whining Kent Pigs website.  Or go to http://www.guysexplained.com where women can learn all the secrets of how a man’s mind works, and why they act the way they do.

All Eternal Sunshine readers are encouraged to join the free Eternal Sunshine Yahoo group at http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/eternal_sunshine_diplomacy/ to stay up-to-date on any subzine news or errata.  We also have our own Eternal Sunshine Twitter feed at http://www.twitter.com/EternalSunshDip, and a Facebook group at http://www.facebook.com/?ref=logo#!/group.php?gid=112223650909

Quote Of The Month“Pages ripped out. Don't remember doing that. It appears this is my first entry in two years.” (Joel in “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”)

 

Welcome to Eternal Sunshine, the only Diplomacy zine that covers subjects from suicide to aphrodisiacs to the benefits of cats while Afghanistan, all in the same FREE issue!  And remember: if you don’t like it, well….you get what you pay for!

 

Speaking of paying, that’s what it seems we’ve been doing non-stop since we got into this house.  Paying and paying and paying.  Not that the house itself is causing any of the expenses…it’s just things related to it.  A new couch, a few other minor furniture items, Heather’s never-ending list of decorative necessities…stuff like that.  It’s been quite dry here so I also had to buy some soaker hoses to run around the foundation.  That isn’t expensive, just something I had no real experience with.  You need to drip water into the ground near the foundation on a regular basis to fool the ground into thinking it has rained.  This keeps the shifting sands of Texas from pulling away from the foundation, and potentially causing shifts.  We have seen a few minor shifts, but those are from the small slab that the sun room is sitting on, not the main foundation itself.  So far my inexperienced attempt to resolve the problem seems to be successful.  I also bought a simple timer so we can turn the soaker hoses on early in the morning a few days a week without having to do it all manually. Owning a home for the first time – something I really never thought I’d be able to accomplish – is a learning process.  Happily, I learned quite a bit about building, landscaping, plumbing, painting, and HVAC while a guest of the Federal government, and now I get to put those skills to use.  I do owe a good deal of thanks to one Mr. Scot Abercrombie, who was my boss and CO in the Paint and Plumbing shops at Allenwood.  He took the time to teach me a ton of stuff, and only partially because it meant I could do my job better and take some of the load off of him.  He always treated me like a human being, and as long as I never crossed the line working with Mr. Abercrombie was either a lot of fun, or a great way to learn, or both (depending on what we were working on).

 

Now when I say we bought a few pieces of furniture, you need to remember that our budget is quite modest, and that Heather has specific ideas of what she wants.  This isn’t where you go to some national store and buy a piece of Stickley’s for $3,000.  But we try to balance the design and the cost with quality; we’d rather be somewhere in the middle.  To me, it has always seemed more important that wooden furniture – like bedroom pieces, which we have not replaced yet – are of higher lasting quality.  I’d expect to keep those for 10 years or more.  As for a sofa…well, with pets, five years is a good outside figure, so I am not willing to spend the same kind of money.  Regardless, I think the living room is turning out quite well.  Heather still wants to replace the coffee table and the end table, both of which are from her first marriage and quite dated now.  But other than that, this part of the house is about finished! 

 

The kitchen is pretty much done too.  A simple and small table and chairs set from Sears (on sale) and the requisite refrigerator, plus a small microwave cart, was all that required.  The bedroom looks great, but we do want to get a dresser sometime, and replace the bed.  The spare bedroom – known as the Halloween Room – hasn’t been decorated yet, since we’re waiting for me to take a U-Haul down to my storage unit and bring up a bunch of stuff (including the day bed which Heather wants to put in there).  Until that gets put in place, the rest of the room is sort of on hold.  I’ll probably do that in mid-July, when the rush of people moving in and out of apartments is done.

 

Of course, I know you’re all dying to see pictures (not).  So here are a few…remember, you get what you pay for in these photos too!  Aside from one of the kitchen and one of the bedroom, these are all of the living room, and the stuff we picked out…well, the stuff Heather picked out and I paid for.  A red couch was a necessity for whatever reason: she has ALWAYS wanted one, so I am told.  Then there really was a perfect spot for a chaise lounge, which just happened to be available at the same store.  Finally, because we were always paying for the delivery anyway, we found a nice inexpensive black recliner.  This was if we EVER decide to allow guests into the house, there will be one more place for them to sit.  Don’t hold your breath though!  Only Andy York and Richard Weiss were ever “lucky” enough to enjoy that privilege, and that was back in the 90’s when I was married to Mara and living in a rented house in Dallas.

IMG_1605

IMG_1571IMG_1625IMG_1608                       

 

 

 

IMG_1644IMG_1576

In zine news, some of you may have seen my messages or emails about the official folding of John Boardman’s Graustark, the first and longest-running Diplomacy zine.  John’s health has been getting worse, and I don’t think an issue had appeared in over a year.  He’s moved from Brooklyn to an assisted living facility in Maryland so he can be closer to his daughter and step-daughter, and this means the zine officially is gone.  Fortunately there were only three games left, and when I set about to contact the players (some of whom already play in Eternal Sunshine)  I was very happy to learn that, even if it was just to make sure the games were given a good send off in honor of all the years John put into the hobby, everyone agreed to continue with their positions.  So, you can find those three Graustark games in the latter part of the zine, after Maple Sugar Gunboat and before By Popular Demand.  This issue I am simply reprinting the positions and maps, to make sure everybody knows what the situations are.  Then we’ll turn the power back on and see how they finish up!  Of course, those of you new to Eternal Sunshine are welcome to sign up for any of the current game openings.

 

Actually, there has been a bit of action there as well.  Diplomacy, Gunboat, Youngstown, and Final Conflict have all seen additional players sign up.  So why don’t you do the same?  And if there’s something you’re interesting in seeing here, let me know.  I’m open to running almost any Diplomacy variant.  Heck, since I’m running Deviant, that should be obvious!  And for those of you who missed the boat, do not despair: new games of By Popular Demand and the Movie Quote Contest will start when the current ones end.  Next time, however, I think the Movie Quote contest will consist of multiple-character quotes; more of a quick snippet of conversation from the movie.  That might make it easier for some of you to jog your memory.  And, as always, prizes ARE awarded to the winners.

 

That’s pretty much it for this issue.  Check out the columns, games, letters, movie reviews, hypothetical questions…the more participation I get around here, the higher energy level and stronger motivation and enthusiasm I can maintain.  I know the real world has kept so many of us overwhelmed lately.  Hopefully things can calm to the point that Eternal Sunshine and the games and features here are a welcome distraction.  Oh, and remember, if you are interested in writing a monthly or just occasional column – on any topic or changing topics – just get in touch with me.  I’d love to see columns from people like Paul Kenney, Brad Wilson, Dick Martin, Jamie McQuinn…and many more; all those people who produced the zines I used to get so excited about when they’d show up in my mailbox.  So go bug those people, and anyone else you’re interested in seeing here, and then bug then some more, until they agree to write columns!  Stay cool, and I’ll see you at the end of July!  If you’re all really lucky, and behave yourselves, I might not subject you to any more photos!

 

The Month’s Playlist: The Very Best of Judy Collins; Short Stories – Harry Chapin; 1776 – Original Broadway Cast Recording; Come Up Full – Meg Hutchinson; Lay Your Hands on Me – Peter Gabriel; Chimera – Delerium.

 

 

 


Fire and Rain – Part Eight

 

Now, with the card returned in the mail, we knew for certain that Mara was dead.  But we didn’t know when she died, or how.  Of course I assumed it was suicide, but there were other possibilities aside from the normal ones (accident, murder, etc.); her physical health had been poor enough at times that there was always the chance that she’d died due to complications from her Crohn’s Disease, her gastric bypass surgery, or a multitude of other ailments.  I gave Heather some information on Mara’s sister, in the hopes that she might be able to search the internet and find her.  And, in the meantime, I asked that she keep searching the Florida-area obituaries for a notice.  One way or the other, we’d discover what really happened.  For the time being, I felt detached from the situation; the grief, guilt, or whatever else I was going to feel about this was on hold until my mind could process the facts.  I imagine that if I had been in the outside world, I might have reacted differently.  But in prison, almost everything that happened beyond your immediate area had a semi-fictional, ethereal quality to it.  Until I knew what happened, nothing had really happened at all.

 

It took about another seven days before Heather was able to locate the obituary notice on-line, from a Florida newspaper’s website.  The cause of death was not specified, and instead was listed as “complications from life.”  That was obviously an attempt to say “suicide” in the softest way possible.  Given all the years of mental illness, and the prior suicide attempt, that news was not much of a surprise.  It was sad though, in the same way I still see it as sad…Mara’s life seemed to have held such promise, if she hadn’t been riddled with physical and mental problems, if she hadn’t been sexually molested for years, if somehow she had found a way to heal those scars inside her brain and her heart.  Instead, it was just a waste.  She was intelligent, funny, beautiful, creative, artistic, and loving.  At times she’d wanted to be (or studied to be, in a few cases) a hair stylist, a chemical engineer, and a veterinarian.  None of those dreams would ever come close to reality.  Even much of her artistic side would be lost, as her medications would make it difficult for her hands to stop shaking a lot of the time.  A promising life, a promising future…and all she got was sicker, more depressed, and more certain that life held nothing for her but pain and sadness.  Now, having decided once again that she’d simply had enough, she had succeeded in ending her life. 

 

The obituary did hold one revelation, which I had not expected at all: Mara and her husband had committed suicide together.  I suppose his crack addiction, their constant money problems, and his being HIV-positive had a lot to do with his decision to join her in this final act of desperation.  It’s possible Mara talked him into it, or even vice versa on the day in question.  Or maybe the each decided that they’d rather say goodbye to the world than be left behind…it could be they both believed that this was the final love they’d have in their life.  I can’t really say for sure.  Nobody can. 

 

Soon afterward, Heather made contact with Mara’s sister, locating her through a Florida Real Estate company’s website.  She said she had a few things to send me that she thought I might want: wedding photos, things like that.  She’d gone through Mara’s things and through that discovered that I was in prison, but didn’t quite understand what the crime was.  She promised to contact Heather by phone in a few days, after Heather had spoken to me, to see if there was anything else that needed to be done.  One thing she mentioned was that she really wanted me to send her at least one of the letters that Mara had written me in prison…Mara had never written her anything, and she wanted it as a sort of keepsake.  As I recall, Heather emailed her once or twice afterward and never got a reply.  So while I don’t know if I would have parted with either letter, I didn’t have to make that choice.  I still have them.

 

Oh, and Heather did learn one other thing: this time there had been no suicide notes.  Either they didn’t feel the need to say goodbye to anybody but each other, or they figured everyone would already know and understand the reasons for their decision. 

 

Now that I knew for certain Mara had killed herself, I could start to feel the guilt and sadness build inside of me.  The event still seemed like it happened in another world; the outside world, I suppose.  But that only would numb my brain for a while.  Sooner or later, and probably sooner, it would really hit me.  I considered asking a CO to contact one of the facility’s mental health professionals for me immediately, but that seemed a bit drastic.  I wasn’t falling apart…I just felt shitty and guilty and hopeless, in an odd way which was gnawing at my brain instead of punching me in the stomach.  So, I decided to take the more conservative approach: I would fill out a request form immediately and put it under the door of the head of the RDAP program.  He was a psychiatrist, and certainly trained to handle issues like these. 

 

I got the form, explained the situation, and slipped it under his door.  Besides that, I didn’t mention it to anyone.  I decided that the less I spoke about it, in the short run, the easier it would be to delay the onset of whatever emotions would come pouring out.  I wanted to get in to see the doctor first.  He’d understand what I was feeling, and be able to help me cope and work through this in some way.

 

…wouldn’t he?

 

 

Hypothetical of the Month

Last month, we gave you these two hypotheticals: #1 – You are planning to quit in five months when your company gives you a high paying management job.  If you still intend to quit, do you tell your boss now?  #2 – You accidentally drop your new stereo and invalidate your warranty.  There is no visible evidence of the accident.  Do you mention it when going for repairs?

 

Melinda Holley: #1- That's a toughie.  More than likely, it would come down to my relationship with my boss.  If it's a good one, I would privately advise him/her that I would not be there in 5 months.   If it's a bad relationship, then no, I would not tell him/her about my upcoming plans.

 

#2-  Yes.  What do I know about the inner workings of a stereo?  Maybe dropping it did damage that could only come from dropping it.  Better to 'fess up on the spot.

 

Andy Lischett: #1 - At first I thought accepting the promotion without telling my boss that I'd be leaving would be deception, but staying in the same job and not telling him would also be deception.   So, if I did not think I'd get fired for telling my boss that I'd leaving in five months OR if I could afford to be without a job for that time I'd turn down the promotion and explain why. If I thought I'd get fired and I needed the income, I guess I'd turn down the promotion and hope nobody asked why.

#2- Yes. I'd rather not listen to music than be a thief.

 

Philip Murphy - #1 - That's a tough one. It depends on why I'm quitting I suppose. If I liked the people I work with and am leaving because of a better opportunuty elsewhere, I would tell my boss immediately. Otherwise, if I didn't like the company or the people, I'd feel no reason to do so beyond giving the usual notice as per my contract. Given that I still intend to quit despite being offered a high paying management position, I suspect the latter option.

#2 - No. One time I would have said yes, because I consider myself an honest person, but I have been ripped off by some unscrupulous people on repairs several times.

Once, I sent my laptop in to the store I bought it from only to be told that because the screen was busted, it was out of warranty since I *obviously* dropped it, and it would have to be sent to the manufacturer - in another country! - and it would cost €400 to fix. I left it in but after a month of fobbing me off, they said they hadn't sent it and I should get a new one, given that the laptop was worth maybe twice their repair quote. I was very angry at having being without it for a MONTH while they just sat on it.

Naturally, I took my machine back. I bought a replacement screen and fitted it myself, costing €150 or so. It's still going fine. Lesson learnt. And I won't feel guilty about not mentioning about dropping the stereo given the rip offs that happen in the repair business. Having been burned , I don't see why I should mention it. If they know what they're at, they won't miss it and they'll insist I pay.

Andy York - #1 - Yes - in fact, if I was planning to leave in five months, I'd likely have already told them. As a matter of course, when I made a decision to move on, I let my bosses know (for instance, I gave three-four months notice when I left my police job).

 

#2 - I'd mention it, though I wouldn't necessarily push it as the cause of the problem.

 

Don Williams - #1 - Would I tell my employer?  If I knew the company was ethical and wouldn’t fire me on the spot (and some companies do as a matter of policy) I would tell them, so they could start looking for my replacement.  But if they would fire me first and ask questions later (firing me so that I wouldn’t do damage to the company or steal proprietary info on my way out), I wouldn’t.  This is more a question of “How ethical is the company you work for?”  I’ve been working in local government for 25 years and I certainly would tell a government employer as they would not generally entertain “pre-emptive termination” as a business practice.

 

#2 - Yes, I would.  Most importantly, it’s the right thing to do.  (I quickly add that I’d hope my honesty would pay off for me with them addressing it under warranty anyway, but that’s a side issue; I’d still tell them about the drop.)  I’d also be anxious that they’d assume I was lying anyway, especially when they opened it up and saw something that they knew only could have been done with a “drop”.  Character counts.  I’d rat myself out.

Jack McHugh - #1 - Depends on why he asks and if I think he's ready for it...probably not. If he wants to see nudes I'll take him to an art gallery.

#2 - If I thought it could make the trust a lot of money and it was reasonable secure, I probably would. It also depends on how large the trust is to begin with. If i thought it was enough to go through 4 years of college or start a business I probably would not do it.

 

Heather Taylor - #1 – No.  I might get in the management job they offered and change my mind. 

 

#2 – Yes, I would probably tell them, because I am a nimrod.

 

For Next Month (For the time being, I am selecting questions from the game “A Question of Scruples” which was published in 1984 by High Games Enterprises).  Remember you can make your answers as detailed as you wish.:  #1.  Your lover is away and you are looking after his/her apartment.  You come across a diary.  Do you read it?  #2.  The government has been overthrown by a party that is violent and undemocratic.  You are asked to join the underground.  Do you?

 

 

 


The Dining Dead -
The Eternal Sunshine Movie Reviews

 

Please Give – Nicole Holofcener’s latest film is less of a story than it is a look into the lives and motivations of enriching, multi-faceted characters.  We see the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful in everyone she introduces us to, and this gives us glimpses into their thoughts and feelings which ring true.  Between that, and the on-target dialogue, Please Give is a generally enjoyable and interesting movie, even if it doesn’t provide anything majestic or inspiring.

 

More than any other topic, Please Give looks at various aspects of greed and charity, and how ill-defined the lines defining them can be from one moment to the next.  Oliver Platt and Catherine Keener play Alex and Kate, a married couple with one 15-year-old daughter, Abby (Sarah Steele).   They run a boutique in New York City, where they resell vintage furniture almost exclusively purchased from the relatives of dead people, who don’t know enough or don’t care enough to assign the items any real value.  Alex has no real issue with this way of making a living, but it seems to dig at Kate.  In makes her feel, in some ways, like a greedy vulture, and in response she finds herself offering cash to any homeless person she sees on the street.  Their daughter finds this both embarrassing and a but hurtful, because these needy unknowns are inevitably called up as a reason for why her mother won’t buy her something she wants.

 

If she didn’t feel enough like a vulture, Alex and Kate have purchased the apartment next door to theirs, so that they can knock down walls and expand their living space once the occupant, grouchy Andra (Ann Guilbert) passes away.  Andra lives alone, but is cared for daily by her grown granddaughters Rebecca (Rebecca Hall) – the “sweet” one, and occasionally by Mary (Amanda Peet) – the “selfish” one.  While the neighbors and families try to stay friendly, the encounters are always awkward, trying to avoid the topic everyone assumes is on everyone else’s mind: how is Andra doing, and how much longer is she going to live.

 

Through it all, each character deals with their own specific private angst: Alex worries over aging and being less attractive; Kate tries to find a way to fill her emptiness and guilt; Abby is tormented by awful acne, and frets over what she feels is the lack of affection from her mother; Rebecca cares for her grandmother out of a sense of responsibility, but is trying to break free and enjoy some kind of social life; Mary is hung up on why her last boyfriend dumped her, and for all her vainness and bluntness is terribly insecure.  We even see a bit into Andra, set in her ways but lonely, trying to convince herself that her various medical problems will get better someday, and brooding silently over years of baggage (including the suicide of her daughter and how few friends she has ever had).

 

Please Give is the sort of film you enjoy but don’t fall in love with…but then, days later, you find yourself thinking about the characters, and realizing things you didn’t think of at first glance.  It stays with you the way a well-written stage play does.  If you find it near you, it’s worth your time.

 

Seen on DVD – Return of the Living Dead (B-, much more fun to watch as a teenager, but still plenty of good lines and funny moments; “More brains!”).  Protect Us From Evil (C-, what should have been a shocking documentary was bland and empty).  The Worst Horror Movie Ever Made (F, the title suggested there would be a camp factor…there wasn’t).

 

 


Meet Me In Montauk
The Eternal Sunshine Letter Column

Andy Lischett: In By Popular Demand: I got every answer correct and STILL two people with less correct answers outscored me. Curse that Joker!  And as for the Movie Quotes: Aren't "Terms of Endearment" and "Steel Magnolias" the same thing, just with different sappy actors? I knew that I knew the quote from "Educating Rita" but couldn't figure out from where.   Oh, and for Round Seven: Your movie people sure say "f---" a lot.

 

[[Unfortunately for you, I suppose, this round has some of the same kind of language.]]

 

Philip Murphy: First off, congrats on the new house! Hope there wasn't too many difficulties with the move and settling in. I've had to move my stuff from home to college accommodation and back again - hope nothing important decided to disappear in the move...

[[No, nothing.  We only had movers do the furniture.  Everything else we did ourselves, a few boxes at a time.  We had the advantage of not giving up the apartment until our lease expired on June 30th, which allowed me to go by the apartment after work three or four days a week and pack the car with whatever I felt like grabbing.  It wasn’t until yesterday (the 23rd) that Heather got the now-empty apartment cleaned and turned in our keys.  As far as moves go, this was one of my easiest.  And moving from a one-bedroom tiny crappy apartment in the semi-ghetto into the only house I’ve ever owned made it that much easier.]]


I also noticed you planned to move in on the 29th May. That's my birthday, y'know - 27 and counting - getting closer to middle age. I noticed a few weeks ago that I'm beginning to develop a bald patch...

[[Just color it with a magic marker.]]


Sadly, I'm not living in my own place at the moment so I envy you! I had to move back in with my parents once college finished last August. The way things are in Ireland, if you can cope with it, it's better to do that, especially since the job market in Ireland is so tough. I get on well mostly with my parents so it works out. Though finding room for all my stuff is an ongoing nightmare.

I've been unable to get a job of any description despite a year of searching, so I'm returning to college for a year, starting next September. I'm taking on a secondary teaching qualification.  Once I qualify as an English literature teacher, I can go abroad if the job market is still rubbish in Ireland. The teaching qualification is recognized in most countries and having a masters in the subject helps too (I hope).

[[The market here isn’t much better.  Some have been out of work for 18 months or more.  I don’t think it is going to improve anytime in the near future; the housing market doesn’t look good, and they’re going to rise or fall together.]]


On the plus side, I passed my driving test on the fourth attempt. I had to go to another town and get lessons to learn the routes but it worked out fairly well. I've spent five miserable years trying to get this license so I am thrilled to finally have done it.

[[Look out, Ireland.  Phil is on the road.]]

We have finally gotten ourselves a cat, courtesy of my Aunt. She found a female kitten abandoned in her garden which was very weak and small... so she brought the kitten down to us. I think we're going to name her Leia but we're still thinking about it.  Cute to look at, generally friendly but she's a very demanding little tike when it comes to food! She has a grey/black tortoiseshell sort of coat, with white paws. A bit small for her age but hopefully she'll fill out a bit.

That's all really - hope Heather and cats are all doing well in the new place!

 

[[So where are the cat pictures?  And…what’s up with TEOTA?]]

Andy York: Regarding the car wreck, how did body damage to the passenger side of the car make you fail an inspection? Did it do something to the airbags?

 

[[No, all that happened was they disconnected the battery while doing repairs, which reset all the sensors.  And for whatever reason this particular model of Hyundai is a BITCH to get the sensors to go to ready status.  Takes a good 40 mile drive, in one trip.]]

 

Paraic Reddington: I think there's some serious cheating going on here in the Movie Quotes. I accuse Jim-Bob of cheating because he's a cheating backstabbing cheating cheater - with bad breath. So there!

[[Not sure about the cheating…but the bad breath?  No question.]]

 

Keep up the good ES work - enjoyable as ever (especially Fire and Rain). You say the paint in the guest room is called HEATHER MIST. Does that mean all the paint went on the floor?

 

[[No…I think it refers to aim in the bathroom.]]


After reading the latest offering from Paul (The Origin of Married Filing Jointly) I was almost driven to uxoricide (or maybe even suicide). That's strike 2 Paul! The next installment better be about mud wrestling or monster truck racing!!!

And another thing - Last issue you had an article called A Column About Nothing By Jerri Blank

Here are some suggestions for articles for the next issue:

 

The French Chef by Sue Flay
Tight Situation by Leah Tard
Unemployed by Anita Job
Off to Market by Tobias A. Pigg
I Lived in Detroit by Helen Earth
Inflammation, Please by Arthur Itis
Handel's Messiah by Ollie Luyah
Downpour! by Wayne Dwops
Cloning by Ima Dubble
Irish Flooring by Lynn O'Leum
Holmes Does it Again by Scott Linyard
Home Alone IV by Eddie Buddyhome
Neither a Borrower by Nora Lender Bee
The Scent of a Man by Jim Nasium
Is O. J. Guilty? by Howard I. Know
Animal Illnesses by Ann Thrax
French Overpopulation by Francis Crowded
Fallen Underwear by Lucy Lastic
House Construction by Bill Jerome Home
Yellow River by Iam Ping
Lewis Carroll by Alison Wonderland
Leo Tolstoy by Warren Peace
The L. A. Lakers Breakfast by Kareem O' Wheat
Why Cars Stop by M. T. Tank
Wind in the Willows by Russell Ingleaves
Look Younger by Fay Slift
Mountain Climbing by Andover Hand
It's Springtime! by Theresa Green
No! by Kurt Reply
And Shut Up! by Sid Downe
40 Yards to the Latrine by Willy Makeit and Betty Wont
Glass Bikini by Seymore Skynn
The Healthy Prostate by I. P. Freely
Sex on the Beach by Sandy Shortz

 

[[Write them up and send them in, Mr. Lazy!]]

 

Rick Desper: [[Rick is one of the players in the Movie Quote quiz who includes some details with his guesses.  Then he goes and looks up all the quotes after sending in his entry, to see what he missed.]]  Movie quiz (post-spoilers)

1. Bingo!  Not bad for a film I've never seen, eh? 
2. I like my guess.  I still haven't seen all of Guess Who's Coming to Dinner.  I just watch the last bit where Katherine Hepburn is crying because Spencer Tracy is dying. 
3. Yeah, I was feeling confident about this one.
4,6,9 - Like I said, was feeling confident
5 I didn't remember this line from that film.  Figured Cuckoo's Nest had to be wrong since everything else was an Original Screenplay
7 My other guess was Erin Brockovich - Almost Famous didn't feel right.  '
8. There are a lot of better Fargo quotes.  Not that this one is bad.  It's just about the 65th most famous quote from the film.  I prefer "He's fleeing the interview!  He's fleeing the interview!" 
10. Sad but true, my first guess was Hannah and Her Sisters, but I changed it to Annie Hall figuring that it had to be a Woody Allen quote and Annie Hall is his more noteworthy film.
 

 

[[As for the Fargo quote, I am certain I’ve used Fargo before, and I wanted to use something off the beaten path.  Other choices that came to mind were “So, you were having sex with the funny looking one then?” and “We eat at Pancake House.”]]

 

William Wood: Oh!!!  Big news.  I've been adopted by a cat.  A female golden tabby is going to have kittens in my hootch.  I think she's just staying until she weans her litter and I run out of tuna.  The Afghans aren't into cats or dogs.  Cats are great to have around here as they hunt the scorpions and little saw scale vipers that are everywhere.   What's not to like?  I don't care for snakes.
 

[[Wow, everybody is getting a cat.  Will Andy York be next?  Sadly – off the subject a bit – one thing I’ve noticed a lot of lately are large (usually older) dogs on Petfinder who’ve been given up by their owners.  At first I thought it was simply that they couldn’t afford to take care of them, but now I realize a lot of them are given up when the owners lose their houses and become renters.  Most landlords won’t allow large dogs.  So these poor babies, after years with their families, are left to hope for new forever homes.  Heather and I are committed to adopting one or two older large dogs, once the weather cools down…we might need the dogs to stay in the sun room full time for a bit while the cats get used to the idea.

 

As a matter of fact, our neighbor on one side has his sweet dog, Monkey, as a full-time outside dog for that very reason.  At least he didn’t have to give up Monkey altogether.  Heather likes to walk over there and give her treats…always a sucker for a wagging tail!]]

 

 


CINDERELLA

by Richard Walkerdine

 

MC900116014[1]Cinderella is now 93 years old. Prince Charming, sadly, died some years before and now she spends most of her time sitting in her rocking chair on the front porch just watching the world go by.

 

Then one day there is a puff of smoke and the Fairy Godmother appears again! She looks at Cinderella and smiles. “Oh Cinderella,” she says, “you have lived such an exemplary life. All your charity work, helping the poor, a devoted wife to Prince Charming. I am so proud of you. In fact, I am so proud of what you have done that I have decided to grant you another three wishes. So, what will be your first wish?”

 

Cinderella thinks for a moment. Then she smiles at the Fairy Godmother. “Well, Prince Charming was a wonderful husband and I loved him dearly. But to be honest he really wasn’t very good with money and I am finding it rather difficult to make ends meet. If I could be a little more wealthy it would be such a help.”

 

“Of course my dear,” says the Fairy Godmother. She waves her wand, there is another puff of smoke, and Cinderella’s rocking chair is transformed into solid gold. “There,” she says, “that was easy. Now what of your second wish?”

 

Cinderella looks down at her old, wrinkled, 93 year old body. “Well, I do still remember what it was like to be young and beautiful. It would be so wonderful to be like that again.”

 

The Fairy Godmother smiles. “Oh yes, that’s an easy one.” She waves her wand again and, with another puff of smoke, Cinderella is turned back into a beautiful young woman. “And what of your third wish?”

 

Cinderella looks behind her at her old cat, Tom, who is cowering behind the rocking chair feeling very uncomfortable at all these bangs and puffs of smoke. “Oh, dear Tom,” she says. “He has been such a wonderful companion, particularly since the Prince died. And now that I am young and beautiful again it would be so perfect if he could be turned into a handsome young man.”

 

“Oh yes,” says the Fairy Godmother, “we can do that.” Another wave of the wand, another puff of smoke, and Tom is changed into a handsome young man. “Well,” says the Fairy Godmother, “that is your three wishes. I wish you a long and happy life.” There is another puff of smoke and then she disappears.

 

Tom looks at Cinderella and smiles. He walks across to her and kneels beside her. He takes her hand in his, looks into her eyes, and says, “I bet you’re sorry you had me neutered now!”

 

Answer to the “Thre Girls Apply for a Job” last issue: The one who gets the job is the one with the biggest tits!  Congrats to Paraic Reddington and Cal White for sending in the correct answers.

 

 


COMMON SENSE (R.I.P.)

by Richard Walkerdine

 

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. But he will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing to come in out of the rain, life isn’t always fair and maybe it was my fault.

 

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.

 

Reports of a six year old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a class mate, teens suspended from school for using a mouthwash after lunch and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition.

 

Common Sense lost more ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. His health declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Aspirin, sun lotion or a sticking plaster to a student but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted an abortion.

 

Common Sense went into a more rapid decline when churches became businesses and criminals received better treatment than their victims. He worsened still further when you could no longer defend yourself against a burglar in your own home for fear that the burglar would sue you for assault.

 

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realise that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, spilled a little on her lap and was awarded a huge settlement in compensation.

 

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, his daughter, Responsibility and his son, Reason. He is survived by three step-brothers, I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame and I’m A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realised he was gone.

 

If you still remember Common Sense please pass this on. If not join the rest and do nothing.


MCj03243400000[1]Brain Farts: The Only Subsubzine With It’s Own Fragrance

By Jack “Flapjack” McHugh – jack@diplomacyworld.net

(or just email Doug and he’ll send it to me)

Issue #20

 

 

 

I got some negative response from the jokes last time.  I’d apologize, but a) I don’t give a shit; b) that proves some of you ass-wipes read my rag, and c) did YOUR baseball team have Roy Halladay pitch a perfect game this month?  I didn’t think so, so suck it.

 

And as if things couldn’t get worse, the cops came to my house last night at 2am banging on the door and waking me up.  In my world, only arresting me for murdering a school bus full of nuns could be worth waking me up at 2am…but noooo.  They actually had the fucking nerve to wake me up to say they’d gotten a complain that my dog Bailey had chased some guy on a bicycle.  I would have punched the flatfoot in the stomach except I was so sleepy, having just been woken up at 2am as I mentioned two sentences ago (weren’t you paying attention?).  So instead I just looked at the guy and said “Oh yeah, Columbo?  My dog doesn’t even OWN a bike!”

 

Those of you who have known me for a while must have realized by now that I am a very perceptive individual.  But when I try to share my insights with people, it’s amazing how often they fail to be grateful.  Take last week, when I went to the grocery store to buy some beer and Fritos.  I’m waiting my turn at the express checkout line, and this woman in front of me has her groceries out to be rung up: a carton of milk, a jug of orange juice, a dozen eggs, a head of Romaine lettuce, three oranges, a loaf of wheat bread, and six bananas.  So I say to her, “Hey, you must be single.”  Obviously she was impressed, and she looked over her groceries to try and figure out how I made the logical deduction.  Finally she looks at me and says “Well, as a matter of fact I am single, and have never been married.  But I’m amazed, how on earth did you know?”  I looked her in the eyes and told her: “Cause you’re so fucking ugly!”  Selfish bitch didn’t even say anything.  My talents are wasted on these idiots.

 

Okay, here this dumb game.  How long before it ends?  Doug the Sack better cough up a  good prize.  And I mean something better than old zines he has in a moldy box.  And for the last time, I DO NOT USE A JOKER!  So stop choosing one.  Oh, thanks for the English lesson Paraic.  Your reward is in the water in the Gulf of Mexico.

 

Adults’-Only By Popular Demand

The players so far: Heather Taylor (HT), Mark D Lew (MDL), Martin Burgdorf (MB), John David Galt (JDG), Kevin Wilson (KW), Paraic Reddington (PR), Michael Moulton (MM), Bill Brown (BB), Brendan Whyte (BW), William Wood (WW).

 

Round 7 Categories:

1.     A celebrity reputed to have a massive number of sexual conquests. Warren Beatty – BW, PR.  Charlie Sheen – MM, WW.  Magic Johnson – KW.  Russell Brand – MB.  Pamela Anderson – HT.

2.     A food supposed to be an aphrodisiac. Oysters – BW, MM, KW, MB, HT, PR.  Strawberries – WW.

3.     How many times a month the average American adult male has intercourse. 1 – BW.  7 – MM.  8 – PR.  5 – KW.  2 – WW.  10 – MB.  4 – HT.

4.     A sexy female name. Misty – BW.  Heather – MM.  Candy – PR.  Rachel – KW.  Xaviera – WW.  Jessica – MB.  Nicole – HT.

5.     In inches, the average length of an erect penis. 4 – BW.  5 – MM, WW.  10 – PR.  7 – KW.  6 – MB, HT.

 

New Scores: Martin Burgdorf (MB) – 122, Heather Taylor (HT) - 109, Michael Moulton (MM) – 108, Mark D Lew (MDL) - 107, Bill Brown (BB) - 101, Kevin Wilson (KW) – 101, Paraic Reddington (PR) - 98, Brendan Whyte (BW) – 97, William Wood (WW) – 64, John David Galt (JDG) – 64.

Round 8 Categories:

1.     A place people fantasize about having sex at or in.

2.     The age a man begins to consider the use of Viagra.

3.     The age a girl begins to enter puberty.

4.     A place to meet women when you want to start a relationship.

5.     A romantic movie that puts women in the mood for sex.

 

Deadline will be the Friday before Doug’s deadline, which means this month it will be July 23rd at midnight.

 


A man boarded a plane with six kids.   After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked, "Are all of those kids yours?"   He replied, "No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints."

 


Two men are in the doctor's office waiting to get vasectomies.  A nurse comes in and asks the men to strip and put on their medical gowns while they wait for the doctor. A few minutes later she comes back, reaches under one man's gown and begins to masturbate him.

Shocked, he says, "What the hell are you doing?" To which she replies, "We have to vacate the sperm from your system to have a clean procedure."    Not wanting to cause a problem, the man relaxes and enjoys it as she completes her task.

The second man watches all of this and by the time the nurse turns to him, he is quite ready for his turn. To his surprise, she drops to her knees, licks her lips and begins to give him a blowjob.

The first man says, "Hey, wait a minute! Why did I get a hand job and he gets blow job?" The nurse pauses and says, "That, my dear sir, is the difference between Obamacare and private insurance."

 


A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE Black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down, and says: “7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch cock, 3 pound testicles, Turner Brown.” The little guy faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says “What's wrong with you?” In a weak voice the little guy says “What EXACTLY did you say to me?” The big dude says: “I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me.....I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch cock, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown.” The small guy says: “Turner Brown?! Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, 'Turn around!”


Plays Well With Others

By Paul Milewski

 

An item of press in a game in issue #297 of Cheesecake gave me pause to ponder.  It was written in a way that gave the impression its author intended it as an ad hominem (although it was really just another example of the playful banter that one sees so often in the press in a Diplomacy game).  The item of press to which I refer was: “Don’t feel bad.  Paul hates me as well.  I think he hates everyone.  He must not have learned how to play well with others in kindergarten.”  It started me thinking about the emotional baggage that people bring with them everywhere they go, which certainly includes to Diplomacy games.  I know I bring a hefty amount of that kind of baggage along with me everywhere.

 

The emotional baggage almost certainly would extend back to kindergarten.  Although you may not have vivid memories of every day you spent there (actually, I didn’t attend kindergarten, but that’s an aside) but certainly your experiences there helped to shape how you respond to certain types of situations. 

 

I often think about how Neville Chamberlain gave the impression that when dealing with Adolf Hitler he was dealing with a psychologically normal person.  I got a similar impression about William Schirer from reading his Berlin Diary in which he wrote about his experiences as a reporter in Berlin dealing with the Nazi hierarchy.  My own father was very naïve about people in high places: he felt that someone who was elected President would rise above petty considerations that are the monkeys on the backs of lesser mortals.  Of course my father is dead and isn’t here to defend himself, if any defense is necessary, but I sometimes wonder if Chamberlain felt that way about Hitler when the two of at Munich were wheeling and dealing with the fate of Czechoslovakia.

 

In any kind of adversarial situation, whether in trying to arrive at a business deal, trying to deal with your in-laws, or trying to interact with other players in a Diplomacy game so that the outcome will be beneficial to yourself, it would seem on its face to be foolish not to consider the emotional baggage that the other party is carrying with him (or her).  It stands to reason that it would pay to know about these things, to get to know the people you’re dealing with.

 

An interesting story along these lines can be found in The Throwing Madonna: Essays on the Brain by William H. Calvin, PhD (at the time the book was published in 1983, associate professor of neurophysiology at the University of Washington in Seattle).  It’s “The Woodrow Wilson Story” (appearing as chapter 13 in the book).  Before reading this, I had not realized that Wilson was dyslexic and had not learned to read until age 12.  When he was 39, Wilson suffered a minor stroke that left him with weakness in the right arm, impaired sensory ability in several fingertips, and an inability to write right-handed.  A subsequent stroke in 1906 left him with blindness in the left eye, after which he would never be able to read with it again.  While campaigning in 1912, he had what we today would call TIA’s (transient ischemic attacks).  (I’ve had TIA’s, years ago, and they’re not to be taken lightly.)  A month after inauguration, Wilson experienced weakness in his left arm and hand.  (I’ve had that sort of experience.  To call it creepy would be the height of understatement.)  Wilson went to the Paris peace conference with this history of health problems.  The author suggests that Wilson’s attitude toward the Germans changed due to further deterioration in his health, whether due to another stroke or possibly or possibly due to some form of encephalitis.  His personality is said to have changed overnight.  “But most striking was Wilson’s change in attitude toward the Germans: now he himself proposed that the former Emperor be tried.  Whereas he had previously insisted that the German delegates be granted full diplomatic privileges at the conference, now he was contemptuous of them.  Herbert Hoover, who was there, noted the change in Wilson’s behavior…”  Further on, the author writes that “it is hard to appreciate personality changes due to brain damage until you’ve seen such a patient…”  I’m not doing justice to the story, which covers the episode from a number of angles, but I cite it to suggest that, like a stroke, some bad experience in kindergarten could conceivably affect the way a person plays Diplomacy.

 

In how many war movies have I seen the German general ask for the folder with the biography of his Allied counterpart so that he can better gauge his opponent?  I wouldn’t be surprised if many world leaders know about President Obama’s background in extraordinary detail, and I wouldn’t be surprised if that biographical information includes how he fared in kindergarten.  If anyone knows, it’s probably Putin.  Being ex-KGB, he undoubtedly appreciates the advantage of knowing such things.

 

It could be argued that the greatest handicap in playing postal Diplomacy is not being able to engage your opponents in face-to-face conversation.  You can write to people, exchange information over the years, hear about their divorces, changes in their health, changes in their jobs, deaths in the family, but that isn’t getting to know someone they way you do when you deal with them face-to-face for an extended period of time in a variety of situations.  At best, it’s like forming an impression of a literary character from reading a book.  You tend to oversimplify, to stereotype, and to fail to grasp the complexity of all the life experiences that have formed that person into who he or she is today.

 

Perhaps I tend to seek out the anonymity imposed by playing postal Diplomacy precisely because I didn’t know how to play well with others at a tender age.  Honestly, I don’t think the idea is too farfetched.


Out of the WAY #18

 

by W. Andrew York

(wandrew88 of gmail.com)

 

 

                Again, last month, I just plain didn’t have the time to get the column done. Many of the same mea culpas as I mentioned in the column two months ago – I need to plan my time better and get this done in a paced manner so that I don’t have to cram everything into the last minute.

                So, you’re expecting this month to be any better? Well, I had all the intentions of getting the column done. I’m in the middle of a two week vacation to Michigan to visit relatives and then attend the Mensa Annual Gathering (in Dearborn, near Detroit). I finished the visiting on Sunday, drove to Detroit to visit an aunt over lunch, then went to the hotel to check-in mid-afternoon. That would allow me time to get settled in and write the column.

                Right now, it is late afternoon, all settled in the hotel and I’m ready to start. Later, I’ll take a short break for dinner, then come back and finish up. However, one small problem has arisen. I left all of the Email printouts, material for the Hangman game, notes for the Month in History, the recipe and such on the desk at home.

Bottom line, there will be a column – it just won’t have the usual material. Instead, I’ll write up a bit on the train trip that started my trip and whatever else comes to mind. I expect the column to be back into normal format next month.

 

===================================

Commentary

 

Being in Michigan, I’ve heard and seen the frustration that the Detroit fans have had with two recent mistakes by umpires. The first, and most well known, was the missed “out at first” that cost one of their pitchers a perfect game – one of the rarest achievements a player can have. Afterwards, the umpire admitted the mistake and the pitcher accepted the apology. Baseball moved on….

                Next, with Detroit behind by one, the umpire called a third strike on what should have been a walk which would have forced in the tying run. Instead, the Tigers lost the game by that run. The umpire, more or less, admitted the mistake after seeing the replay and the folks reconstructing the at bat felt that his sight was blocked by the catcher at the critical moment.

                Now, there are calls to expand the use of replays (now, used just in certain cases of home runs) to review and, if needed, correct mistakes by the umpires. However, baseball is a game of and by the participants – of which the umpires are a part. Just as the players make mistakes, on occasion an umpire will make one as well. It is part and parcel of the game, and should be accepted as such, much akin to the first incident mentioned.

 

===================================

Letter Column

(always welcome, send them in!)

 

<<Held to next issue – and yes there were some!>>

 

===================================

Review

 

                At the start of this trip, I decided to take a route less travelled. So, instead of the usual plane reservation to go to Michigan, I set up reservations on Amtrak. It was a day and a half from Austin to Chicago, with a roughly four hour extension to get to East Lansing. I’d never been on an overnight train, only excursion types recently and, as a young boy, a trip from Lansing to Detroit that I don’t remember much of at all.

For the long leg of the journey, I opted for a cabin (well, a “roomette”). It is a roughly 6’ by 3’ cubby for two people (a car has two on each side with the aisle between them). There are two seats, which combine to create one bed, and a fold down bed. A small pull out table and a tiny coat area comprise the “room” so it is a bit snug. There is a restroom down the hall for all the roomettes with a shower and additional restrooms on the lower level. The car also had some larger, family, style rooms that took 2/3rd of the width of the car with an aisle on the outside.

For one person, I had enough room for myself and my luggage. I read, napped, worked Sudoku and watched some DVDs. At night, the attendant set up the bed and it was a restful sleep. One note, you really can’t sleep on your side as you have a tendency to roll with the train, so sleeping on your back is the best option. In the morning, the bed was put away and the cabin was back to the two chair configuration. Note – I didn’t try using the shower as it was only an overnight trip. If I take a longer trip, I’ll have to see about that part of the sleeper cars.

One nice thing with the cabin, all meals on the train were included (except alcohol). So, I had two nice lunches (manicotti once, a salad the other), a steak dinner and a made-to-order omelet for breakfast. The food was surprisingly good (though not five star) and filling. You did have to eat “family style” as they filled every seat at every table. So, you had the opportunity to meet and chat with other travelers.

For the trip to East Lansing, they only had the commuter style seating. Nothing special, at least there was a snack car for a burger and soda to fill up on.

Overall, only minor delays with us getting into Chicago about an hour late and East Lansing about 20 minutes behind. Well worth the trip and it was very relaxing. It is definitely something I’d do again – maybe next year for the Mensa meeting in Portland, OR. I can take the southern route through LA to get there then the northern route back through Chicago to get home.

 

===================================

Recipe of the Month

 

Recipe Philosophy: Except for baking, recipes are only suggestions. I rarely precisely measure, eyeballing most everything. The listed

                measurements, for the most part, are estimates from the last time I made the recipe. Feel free to adjust to meet your personal tastes –

                and remember, it is easier to add “more” of something than to compensate when “too much” has been added.

 

For ingredients, if you don’t like raw onions, omit them or replace with celery to retain the crunchiness. If you like food with more spice, add

                an extra jalapeno or use habenaros instead. On the other hand, if you don’t like spicy food, replace the jalapeno with half a bell

                pepper. Optional items are used when I’m looking for a variation or making it for individuals with specific preferences.

 

Frittata

by W Andrew York

(last reviewed Jun 2010)

 

Ingredients:

 

                                Various chopped vegetables (such as onions, squash, tomatoes, peppers, jalapenos, corn, etc)

                                Various leafy greens (such as spinach, swiss chard, mustard greens, etc)

                                Various spices and herbs (such as cayenne pepper, basil, etc)

                                Various shredded cheese, divided (cheddar, mozzarella, parmesan, colby, etc)

                                Minced garlic

                6-12         Eggs (depending on the amount of vegetables and size of skillet)

 

Steps:

 

1)       Coat an oven-proof skillet with cooking spray, add oil (olive, canola, grapeseed) or butter and heat to medium

2)       Add vegetables/greens/garlic in stages to soften an caramelize (onions, squash. etc early; greens, garlic later)

3)       Beat eggs with spices and herbs, use enough eggs to thoroughly mix with the cooked vegetables with at least a ¼ to ½ inch of space at the top of the skillet

4)       Add part of the shredded cheese to the eggs mixture and stir in

5)       When vegetables are cooked, add egg mixture in and stir until eggs are nearly set

6)       Place under the broiler until eggs start to brown on top, remove and add remaining cheese

7)       Return to broiler until cheese is melted and browned

 

Notes:

 

                - This is a great “clean out the fridge” recipe that I frequently use at the end of the week with the remaining onions, tomatoes, etc that

                                I’d cut up to top salads the previous week. I then add in whatever vegetables look good at the store. It makes a great side

                                dish during the week after heating in a microwave or, if you used a larger skillet, as the main course.

                - Add additional jalapenos (or other spicy peppers); serve with salsa/pico de gallo and sour cream for a southwestern twist

                - To make a heartier version, add chopped ham, crumbled cooked sausage or bacon

                - For an Italian version, add pepperoni and serve topped with a marinara or pizza sauce

 

===================================

Game Section

 

<<delayed>>

===================================

Deadline for the Next Issue of Out of the WAY:

 

July 23, 2010 at 7:00am – See You Then!

 

Game entries, letters of comment and other material can be sent to:

 

                wandrew88 at gmail.com; or by post to: W. Andrew York; POB 201117; Austin TX 78720-1117


Game Openings

Diplomacy (Black Press – Permanent Opening in ES): Signed up: Zachary Jarvie, Brad Wilson, needs five more to fill.

Gunboat Diplomacy (Black Press): Signed up: Four, need three more to fill.  Sign up now!

Diplomacy Bourse (Black Press): Buy and sell the currencies of the Diplomacy nations.  This Bourse is using the new game “Dulcinea” as its basis.  Players may join at any time, and are then given 1000 units of every currency still in circulation.  The rules to Bourse can be found in ES #24.

Youngstown IVa (Black Press): A classic, and quite popular, version of the variant.  Email me for rules and maps, or you can find them at: http://www.variantbank.org/results/rules/y/youngstown.htm.  Signed up: Phil Murphy, Brad Wilson, need eight more to fill.  Sign up now! 

Final Conflict III (Black Press): Tom Swider’s global nuclear variant.  Rules and map elsewhere in this issue.  Signed up: Brad Wilson, David McCrumb, need five more to fill.  Sign up now!

By Popular Demand: Game currently underway, join any time. 

Adult’s Only By Popular Demand: Game in Jack’s sub-subzine “Brain Farts.” Game underway, join any time. 

Eternal Sunshine Movie Quote Quiz: 10 rounds, join any time.  You can find it at the end of the zine.

Standby List: HELP!  I need standby players! – Current standby list: Graham Wilson, Jim Burgess (Dip only), Jeremie Lefrancois (Dip only), Lance Anderson (Dip only), Martin Burgdorf, Paul Milewski (Dip only), Brad Wilson, and whoever I beg into it in an emergency.

I’m going to continue to go through my files and seeing what other variants I can offer, until I find one that gets enough interest to fill.  When I offer a variant I’ll give it an issue or two, but if nobody signs up I’ll drop the opening and replace it.  If somebody wants to guest-GM a game of anything, just get in touch.  If you have specific game requests please let me know.

 

 


Eternal Sunshine Game Section

 

Diplomacy “Wouldn’t It Be Nice?” 2008A, F 11

 

Austria (Kevin Wilson - ckevinw “of” comcast.net): Retreat A Warsaw - Galicia..

 A Bohemia Supports A Tyrolia – Munich, A Galicia - Warsaw (*Bounce*), F Greece - Ionian Sea,

 A Serbia – Budapest, A Ukraine Supports A Galicia - Warsaw (*Cut*), A Vienna - Tyrolia (*Fails*).

England (Jérémie LeFrançois - jeremie.lefrancois “of”gmail.com): F Baltic Sea – Kiel, F Belgium Hold,

 A Berlin Supports A Silesia – Munich, F English Channel Supports F Mid-Atlantic Ocean – Brest, 

 F Irish Sea - Mid-Atlantic Ocean, A Livonia Supports A Warsaw – Moscow, F Mid-Atlantic Ocean – Brest,

 A Norway - St Petersburg, F Norwegian Sea - North Atlantic Ocean,

 F Portugal Supports F Irish Sea - Mid-Atlantic Ocean, A Prussia - Warsaw (*Bounce*),

 A Ruhr Supports A Silesia – Munich, A Silesia - Munich (*Bounce*), A Warsaw - Moscow.

France (William Wood – wxmanwill “of” hotmail.com): A Burgundy Supports A Tyrolia – Munich,

 A Paris - Brest (*Fails*).

Italy (Don Williams – dwilliam “of” fontana.org): F Gulf of Lyon - Western Mediterranean,

 A Marseilles Supports F Spain(sc), F North Africa - Mid-Atlantic Ocean (*Fails*),

 F Spain(sc) Supports F Gulf of Lyon - Western Mediterranean, A Tyrolia - Munich (*Bounce*).

Turkey (Brad Wilson - bwdolphin146 “of”yahoo.com): F Aegean Sea Hold,

 F Black Sea Convoys A Constantinople – Rumania, A Constantinople - Rumania (*Fails*),

 A Rumania - Ukraine (*Fails*), A Sevastopol Supports A Warsaw – Moscow,

 A Smyrna - Constantinople (*Fails*).

 

wibnf11

 

E/G Draw Fails (I was hoping it would pass just for laughs)

Winter 1911/Spring 1912 Deadline is July 27th at 7:00am my time

 

Supply Center Chart

Austria:            Budapest, Greece, Serbia, Trieste, Vienna, Warsaw=6, Even

England:          Belgium, Berlin, Brest, Denmark, Edinburgh, Holland, Kiel, Liverpool, London,

Moscow, Munich, Norway, Portugal, St Petersburg, Sweden=15, Build 1

France:            Paris=1, Remove 1

Italy:                Marseilles, Naples, Rome, Spain, Tunis, Venice=6, Build 1

Turkey:            Ankara, Bulgaria, Constantinople, Rumania, Sevastopol, Smyrna=6, Even

 

PRESS

 

CON: England-Germany draw? Christ, pay attention, people.

 

 

 

 


Diplomacy “Dulcinea” 2008C, W 07/S 08

s08

Austria (Lance Anderson – lance_anderson “of” hotmail.com): Build A Budapest.. F Adriatic Sea – Venice,

 A Bohemia - Munich (*Fails*), A Budapest - Galicia (*Bounce*), A Munich - Burgundy (*Disbanded*),

 A Piedmont Supports A Tuscany – Marseilles, A Silesia Supports A Bohemia – Munich, A Venice – Tyrolia,

 A Vienna - Galicia (*Bounce*).

England (Philip Murphy trekkypj “of” gmail.com): A Brest – Paris,

 F English Channel - Mid-Atlantic Ocean (*Fails*), A Gascony Supports A Burgundy - Marseilles (*Void*),

 F Mid-Atlantic Ocean - Western Mediterranean (*Fails*),

 F North Atlantic Ocean Supports F English Channel - Mid-Atlantic Ocean (*Fails*),

 F North Africa Supports F English Channel - Mid-Atlantic Ocean (*Fails*), F Norwegian Sea - Barents Sea,

 A St Petersburg Supports F Prussia - Livonia (*Dislodged*, retreat to Norway or Finland or OTB).

France (Brad Wilson – bwdolphin146 ”of” yahoo.com): F Portugal Supports F Gulf of Lyon - Spain(sc)

 (*Void*).

Germany (William Wood – wxmanwill “of” hotmail.com): Retreat A Munich – Kiel.. Remove A Holland.. A Berlin – Munich,

 A Burgundy Supports A Berlin – Munich, A Kiel Supports A Berlin – Munich, F Prussia – Berlin,

 A Ruhr Supports A Berlin - Munich.

Italy (Melinda Holley – genea5613 “of” aol.com): F Spain(sc) Supports F Western Mediterranean - Gulf

 of Lyon, F Western Mediterranean - Gulf of Lyon (*Fails*).

Turkey (Jim Burgess – jfburgess “of” gmail.com): F Aegean Sea – Greece, F Black Sea Hold,

 F Greece – Albania, F Gulf of Lyon Convoys A Tuscany – Marseilles, F Ionian Sea Supports F Tunis,

 A Livonia - St Petersburg, A Moscow Supports A  Livonia - St Petersburg, F Tunis Supports F Tyrrhenian Sea,

 A Tuscany – Marseilles, F Tyrrhenian Sea Supports F Gulf of Lyon.

 

Now Proposed – A/E/T Draw and A/T Draw.  Please vote on both draws with your next moves.

Summer/Fall 08 Deadline is July 27th at 7:00am my time

 

PRESS

 

Prime Minister to Sultan: I told you already, that's my mooring berth for the Queen Bess. Kindly vacate it or I'll have your fleet towed to the Pacific... and bill you for the coal.

Smaug to Portugal: *snort* Well... that order went well *snorts flames*. Now kindly hold still while I drop this rock on your remaining ship. Amazing the damage a tortoise will do from a mile up...

 

Budapest to Ankara: Don't think I'll be able to enjoy the Oktoberfest in the fall... 

 

 

 


“Dulcinea” Diplomacy Bourse

 

Billy Ray Valentine: No activity.

 

Duke of York: Sell 100 Pounds.  Buys 106 Crowns.

 

Smaug the Dragon: Sells 500 Marks.  Buys 871 Pounds.

 

Rothschild: Sells 346 Pounds, 500 Francs, 500 Piastres.  Buys 1227 Crowns.

 

Baron Wuffet: Zip.

 

Wooden Nickel Enterprises:

           

VAIONT Enterprises: Sells 500 Marks and 500 Pounds.  Buys 620 Piastres.

 

Insider Trading LLC: MIA.

 

Bourse Master: Stands pat.

 

Next Bourse Deadline is July 26th at 7:00pm my time

 

PRESS

 

Smaug to Rothschild: Libre? I'll sink your puny nation like I sunk Esgaroth! *snorts flames*

 

Rothschild – “The Magnificent”: Another blunder – how could you sell the currency of the only country that is growing and buy the one of a country in anarchy?

 

 


Diplomacy “Just a Taste” 2009C, F 05

f05

 

Austria (William Wood – wxmanwill “of” hotmail.com): F Albania Supports F Ionian Sea - Adriatic Sea,

 A Bulgaria – Serbia, A Galicia Hold, F Greece Supports F Aegean Sea - Ionian Sea, A Rumania – Ukraine,

 A Serbia – Budapest, A Trieste Supports A Venice (*Ordered to Move*).

England (Paul Milewskipaul.milewski “of” hotmail.com): F Barents Sea - Norwegian Sea (*Bounce*),

 F Liverpool Hold, A Norway - St Petersburg (*Dislodged*, retreat to Finland or OTB).

France (Paraic Reddington - ):

 F Adriatic Sea Supports A Venice - Trieste (*Dislodged*, retreat to Apulia or OTB), A Apulia – Naples,

 A Burgundy Hold, F Edinburgh - Norwegian Sea (*Bounce*), F English Channel - Mid-Atlantic Ocean,

 F Gulf of Lyon Convoys A Spain – Tuscany, A Marseilles – Piedmont,

 F Mid-Atlantic Ocean - Western Mediterranean, A Spain – Tuscany, F Tyrrhenian Sea – Tunis, A Wales - London.

Germany (Philip Murphy trekkypj “of” gmail.com): F Livonia - St Petersburg(sc) (*Bounce*),

 A Munich – Bohemia, F North Sea – Norway, A Prussia - Warsaw (*Fails*),

 A Silesia Supports A Munich – Bohemia, F Sweden Supports F North Sea – Norway, A Tyrolia – Vienna,

 A Venice - Trieste (*Fails*), A Warsaw - Moscow (*Bounce*).

Turkey (Graham Wilson – grahamaw “of” rogers.com): F Aegean Sea - Ionian Sea, F Constantinople Hold,

 F Ionian Sea - Adriatic Sea, A Sevastopol - Moscow (*Bounce*).

 

Autumn/Winter 05 and Spring 06 deadline is July 27th at 7:00am my time

 

Supply Center Chart

 

Austria:            Budapest, Bulgaria, Greece, Rumania, Serbia, Trieste=6, Remove 1

England:          Liverpool, Moscow, St Petersburg=3, Even or Plays 1 Short

France:            Belgium, Brest, Edinburgh, London, Marseilles, Naples, Paris, Portugal,

Rome, Spain, Tunis=11, Build 1 or 2

Germany:         Berlin, Denmark, Holland, Kiel, Munich, Norway, Sweden, Venice,

Vienna, Warsaw=10, Build 1

Turkey:            Ankara, Constantinople, Sevastopol, Smyrna=4, Even

 

PRESS

F to A - Nobody likes to profit from someone else's NMR. I hope you are ok. In future though - if you could let us know of an impending NMR it would be really useful!  ;-)

F to E - I trust you plan to peacefully retire in Liverpool and enjoy the beautiful beaches and temperate climate of the region. Enjoy the hospitality of the Liverpudlian lasses and do take some time to sample some of the most excellent wines produced in the area. Why not trade your fleet in for a sun lounger?

Kaiser Wilhelm II to Prime Minister:  Ah, yes, zat is correct, all part of the official history. Of course it doesn't mention that meine Tante Victoria chased me when she found out what i did to zer garden. How wass I to understand ze stupid Englander sign meant keep off zer grass? As for your King George...... he called me zer Hunchback of Potsdam!

G to F : Well I couldn't make 'feck' work, could I? *grin*

F to T - One of your fleets appears to have a problem with its GPS (not surprising considering it's 1905) and has wandered into the Ionian. We are naturally concerned about the threat of an oil spill in the Med and its affect on the Riviera. As a result - we will be sending some environmental units to the area to monitor the situation. I'm sure your unit would feel more comfortable in the Aegean anyway.  Perhaps we can provide you with some maps to assist you on your way?

F to G - I always thought it was easier to say sorry than please ........so please do accept my apologies over my army's temporary visit to London. I assure you they are there only to take some photos of themselves wearing silly hats outside the palace and then they will be on their merry way. I hear Liverpool is lovely this time of year....

F to F - I really must remember to buy popcorn next time I'm shopping. And none of that butter crap either this time. How many times do I have to tell me??

 


White Press Diplomacy “Creepshow” 2009D, W 03/S 04

s04

Austria (Brad Wilson - bwdolphin146 “of”yahoo.com): Remove F Albania.. A Trieste Supports A Vienna,

 A Vienna Supports A Trieste.

England (Chuy Cronin – chuykdc_92 “of” hotmail.com): A London – Yorkshire,

 F North Sea - Denmark (*Bounce*), F Norway Hold, F Norwegian Sea Supports F Norway.

France (Michael Cronin – mfmcronin “of” q.com): Build A Marseilles.. F Belgium - Holland (*Fails*),

 A Burgundy Supports A Tyrolia - Munich (*Cut*), A Gascony Supports A Burgundy, A Marseilles – Piedmont,

 A Picardy - Belgium (*Bounce*), A Tyrolia - Munich (*Fails*).

Germany (Pat Vogelsang – godawgsgo33 “of” yahoo.com): F Helgoland Bight - Denmark (*Bounce*),

 F Holland - Belgium (*Bounce*), A Kiel Supports A Munich, A Munich Supports A Ruhr - Burgundy (*Cut*),

 A Ruhr - Burgundy (*Fails*).

Italy (Graham Wilson – grahamaw “of” rogers.com): Remove F Ionian Sea..

 F Naples Supports F Tunis - Ionian Sea, F Tunis - Ionian Sea (*Fails*),

 A Ukraine - Moscow (*Dislodged*, retreat to Galicia or OTB), A Venice Supports A Trieste.

Russia (Kevin Wilson - ckevinw “of” comcast.net): Build A Moscow..

 A Budapest Supports A Serbia - Trieste (*Void*), A Moscow – Ukraine, A Rumania Supports A Budapest,

 F Sevastopol Supports A Rumania, F St Petersburg(nc) - Norway (*Fails*),

 F Sweden Supports F St Petersburg(nc) – Norway, A Warsaw Supports A Moscow - Ukraine.

Turkey (Larry Cronin – lcroninmd “of” msn.com): Build F Constantinople..

 F Adriatic Sea Supports F Aegean Sea - Ionian Sea, F Aegean Sea - Ionian Sea, F Constantinople - Aegean Sea,

 F Eastern Mediterranean Supports F Aegean Sea - Ionian Sea, A Greece - Albania (*Bounce*),

 A Serbia - Albania (*Bounce*).

 

Fall 1904 Deadline is July 27th at 7:00am my time

 

PRESS

 

Italy -> Russia: Tactically, not very bright. But sometimes having fun is more important :-)

 

 

Diplomacy “Bellicus” from Strange Meeting, Fall/Winter 1909

w09

England (Smiley McKinnon – Boltar35 “of” aol.com): No units.

France (Pat Vogelsang – godawgsgo33 “of” yahoo.com): F Barents Sea Hold, A Brest Supports A Picardy,

 A Liverpool – Edinburgh, A Paris Supports A Picardy, A Picardy Supports A Brest,

 F Spain(sc) - Marseilles (*Destroyed*, NRR).

Russia (Chris Babcock – cbabcock “of” asciiking.com): F Belgium - North Sea,

 A Burgundy - Marseilles (*Fails*), F English Channel Convoys A London – Belgium, A Galicia – Budapest,

 A London – Belgium, A Moscow - Sevastopol (*Fails*), A Munich - Tyrolia (*Fails*), F North Sea – London,

 A Tyrolia - Trieste (*Fails*), A Ukraine - Rumania (*Fails*), A Vienna Supports A Galicia - Budapest.

Turkey (Phil Amos – p.v.a “of” btinternet.com): A Ankara - Rumania (*Fails*),

 A Armenia Supports A Sevastopol, F Black Sea Convoys A Ankara – Rumania,

 A Budapest - Galicia (*Disbanded*), F Bulgaria(ec) Supports A Ankara - Rumania (*Fails*),

 F Gulf of Lyon – Marseilles, F Marseilles - Spain(sc), F Mid-Atlantic Ocean – Portugal,

 F Piedmont Supports F Gulf of Lyon – Marseilles, A Rumania - Ukraine (*Fails*), A Serbia - Budapest (*Fails*),

 A Sevastopol Supports A Rumania - Ukraine (*Cut*), F Trieste Supports A Venice (*Cut*),

 A Venice Supports F Trieste, F Western Mediterranean Supports F Marseilles - Spain(sc).

 

Supply Center Chart

 

England:          None, OUT!!

France:            Brest, Edinburgh, Liverpool, Paris=4, Remove 1

Russia:             Belgium, Berlin, Budapest, Denmark, Holland, Kiel, London, Moscow, Munich,

Norway, St Petersburg, Sweden, Vienna, Warsaw=14, Build 2

Turkey:            Ankara, Bulgaria, Constantinople, Greece, Marseilles, Naples, Portugal, Rome,

Rumania, Serbia, Sevastopol, Smyrna, Spain, Trieste, Tunis, Venice=16, Build 2

 

France: GM Removes F Barents Sea (no removal listed)

Russia: Build A Warsaw, F St Petersburg(nc)

Turkey: Build F Smyrna, F Constantinople.

 

F/R/T Draw Fails

Spring/Summer 1910 Deadline is July 27th at 7:00am my time

 

PRESS

'From the Times Foreign Correspondent in Constantinople: Worrying rumours are reaching us from the Topkapi that the Sultan has been seen wandering the dark corners of his palace rubbing his hands and cackling! Words such as 'world domination' and 'solo win' have been heard. Madness, or has he just been at the hookah pipe too much?   This correspondent certainly hopes that these are indeed 'pipe' dreams...'

 

 

 


Deviant Dip II – “Black Licorice” – 2009Brc08 – Spring 1905

 

Drance (Jim Burgess – jfburgess “of” gmail.com with Don Williams ordering units): F StP(nc)[Rogue],

 A Ukr U, F Cyp(1) U.  F Stp(nc) becomes A Stp.

England (Russell Blau – russblau “of” imapmail.org): F Ice U, F Ech U, A Lon U, F Bla S F Con-Ank,

 A Smy(1) U, F Con-Ank(1), A Bul H, F Cre-Aeg.

Verminy (Hugh Polley - hapolley “of” yahoo.ca): F Nat S F Naf-Mid, F NAf-Mid [1 support](Destroyed),

 A Lvn-Stp(ret Mos, War, OTB), A Bel-Upp [1 support](Impossible).

Italy (John David Galt – jdg “of” diogenes.sacramento.ca.us): F Nwy-Stp(nc), A Den-Kie, F Kie-Hol,

 F Bal S A Den-Kie.

Austria (Jack Mchugh - jwmchughjr “of” gmail.com): A Rum(2) H(ret Sev, OTB).

Nussia (Mark D Lew – markdlew “of” earthlink.net): A Pie-Tyr, A Tyr-Boh, A Bud-Rum, A Ber-Pru,

 A Pru-Lva [1 Support], A Par-Pic, A Mar-Bur, F Lyo-Spa(sc), F Iri S F Wme-Mid, F Wes-Mid [1 Support],

 A Mun-Ber, A Gal S A Bud-Rum, A Ser S A Bud-Rum, F Alb S T. A Apu-Gre, A Ank-Arm [2 Supports].

Turkey (Jason Bergmann – jasonbergmann “of” gmail.com): Marlow’s Steamship Upp H, A Rom H,

 A Apu-Gre(1) [2 Supports], F Bre S N. F Wme-Mid, A Lvp H, F Tun-Naf(1) [1 Support] ,

 F Ion C A Apu-Gre [1 Support for F Ion], F Tyn(1)-Wme [1 Support].

 

spring1905

 

The rogue F StP(nc) is now an Army, as per newly passed Rule #82.  Ska is the space which disappears due to Rule #55.

 

By virtue of Rule #73, Drance (the Don Williams portion), England, and Turkey are all deemed to have NMR’d, and are supposed to be replaced.  But as I have no standby players willing to accept such positions, all three players will continue unless I hear from a willing standby for any specified available position within 5 days of when I release this issue (in order to allow for proper time for negotiations).  Should anyone apply after those 5 days, they will be added to the official standby list if they so wish, but they will not be permitted to replace a player for this coming season.  Any replaced players – if there are any – have the option of being added to the standby list as well. 

 

Rule #92 is adopted (but does not “pass”), by virtue of Rule #74, with Mark D Lew’s name replacing that of Russell Blau.

 

As much as I like Rule #96, I have decided that it and Rule #83 contradict each other, since #83 calls for Lower River to be reinstated with its previous connections, and #96 calls for Upper River to be removed (which is one of those connections).  Since both passed, both are null and void.

 

Votes:

 

Italy, Nussia, and Turkey all guessed the secret word (Penis) and get their extra votes.

 

Drance: 5 Yes for #82, 5 Yes for #83.

England: 1 Yes for #84, 1 Yes for #85, 14 Yes for #86, 1 No for #91, 1 No for #92.

Verminy: 2 votes spent on moves.  13 Yes for #87, 1 Yes for #90.

Italy: 1 Yes on #84, 1 No on #85, 1 No on #86, 34 Yes on #90, 1 Yes on #96.

Austria: No votes received.

Nussia: 8 votes spent on moves.  Buys 9 RP.   8 No on #84, 2 No on #85, 1 No on #86, 6 No on #87,

 1 No on #88, 2 No on #90, 1 Yes for #91, 2 No on #94, 4 No on #95, 1 No on #96.

Turkey: 9 votes spent on moves.  Buys 3 RP and garrisons for Corsica and Sardinia.  1 No on #83, 1 No on #84,

 1 No on #85, 1 No on #86, 1 No on #87, 1 No on #90, 1 No on #93, 1 No on #94, 1 No on #95,

 22 Yes on #96, 3 Yes on #97.

 

RP’s (Rule #21): Jack McHugh - 0; Russell Blau - 0; Jim Burgess - 1; Hugh Polley - 0; John David Galt - 15; Mark D Lew - 24; Jason Bergmann – 16.5.

 

Official Standby Players, as needed (both currently in the game): Jack McHugh (jwmchughjr “of” gmail.com), Hugh Polley (hapolley “of” yahoo.ca).  Need new standbys.

 

Fall 1905 Deadline is July 24th at 7:00pm my time

Note the deadline for this game is now SATURDAY NIGHT.

 

Build Centers (When Owned) Are As Follows (Underlined Centers Have Garrisons):

 

Drance             Ankara, Belgium, Crete

England            Smyrna, Iceland, Trieste

Verminy           Vienna, London, Liverpool

Italy                 Serbia, Edinburgh, Denmark

Austria             Venice, Holland, Armenia

Nussia              Tyrolia, Piedmont, Livonia, Budapest

Turkey              Corsica, Prussia, Tunis, Sardinia

 

 

New Rule Proposals:

 

Rule #98 - "Who wants to be Normal?" (Proposed by John David Galt): Rule 45 ("Return to Relative Normalcy") is repealed, and all rules that were repealed by Rule 45 are reinstated.  This does not cause spaces that were destroyed by "Disappearing Spaces", or adjacencies that were destroyed by "Collapsing Wormholes", to reappear.

Rule #99 - "Warp Drive" (Proposed by John David Galt): A new space, Hyperspace, is created.  Hyperspace is a coastal land space, and is adjacent to every space in the game, including those added by other Deviant rules, whether enacted before, simultaneously with, or after this one (but not to any "off board supply centers").  Adjacencies between Hyperspace and any other space are exempt from Rule #42 "Collapsing Wormholes".

Rule #100 - "Migration" (Proposed by John David Galt): In any Winter season, any player who does not own all his build centers may replace them with supply centers he does own.  The change will not take effect until the following Winter.

 

Rule #101 – “Strasburg, savior” (Proposed by Jason Bergmann): Each player whose spring training team was the Washington Nationals will receive 1 RP for each 2010 season win earned by Stephen Strasburg and will lose 1 RP for each loss.  Other players will receive similar adjustments for pitchers as follows: San Francisco Giants (Tim Linceum), Oakland Athletics (Ben Sheets), and Los Angeles Angels (Jared Weaver), but any wins and losses by these pitchers occurring prior to June 8, 2010, the date of Strasburg's first major league start, will be disregarded.  For wins and losses to date, RP adjustments will be made immediately. Future wins and losses will be adjusted with each season's adjudications.

 

Rule #102 – “Robin Hood” (Proposed by Jason Bergmann): The GM will steal from the rich and give to the poor as follows: 

 

(1) After all RP adjustments are made at the end of the turn this rule goes into effect, the player with the largest number of RPs will lose three RPs and the player with the smallest number of RPs will gain three RPs.  The player with the second largest number of RPs will lose two RPs and the player with the second smallest number of RPs will gain two RPs.  The player with the third largest number of RPs will lose one RP and the player with the third smallest number of RPs will gain one RP.  Ties will be broken randomly.

 

(2) At the end of the forthcoming winter, the player with the largest number of supply centers will lose six supply centers, which will be given as follows: three to the player with the fewest number of supply centers, two to the player with the second fewest number of supply centers, and one to the player with the third fewest number of supply centers.  Supply centers will be chosen randomly, but Supply Centers on the South East Asia map, if any, cannot be chosen.  The receiving player will receive the most appropriate unit for such supply centers army or fleet, as chosen by the GM, destroying any unit already in such centers.

 

(3) Any player voting against this rule who loses RPs or supply centers as a result of its passage will lose an additional RP for each vote cast against this rule. 

 

(4) If Mark D Lew gained any RPs as a consequence of the defeat of Rule 92 (I, Glue), those RPs will be forfeit as a result of Mark's tricksy behavior and will be given instead to Russ Blau.

 

Rule #103 – “Hold it over” (Proposed by Mark D Lew): Any player who submits orders in the game may request that the turn be held over. If at least one player so requests, the turn will be postponed until the next issue. A turn may be held over for the Xth consecutive turn only if at least X players requested it on the first turn of the sequence. (For example, if the game was held over in July and August, it is eligible to be held over again in September only if at least two players requested it in August and at least three players requested it in July.) Failure to submit orders will be considered a request to hold over.

Rule #104 – “Enough is Enough 2” (Proposed by Mark D Lew): Proposal #76 (John David Galt's "Enough is Enough") is reproposed. Additionally, any proposal that would qualify for treatment under rule #74 (Russell Blau's "I am rubber, you are glue") is similarly forbidden.  The text of #76 is as follows: No rule that singles out a player by name or country may be proposed or have any effect.  No rule may reward any player for voting for it (though its author can still receive RPs and other rewards if it passes), and no rule may penalize any player for voting against it or for failing to vote for it. No rule, including this one, may take away RPs any player has earned by proposing a rule that passed.  Rules that alter the map but do not treat any player differently from another (such as rule 15) are still allowed.  Rules 60, 69, and 70 are in violation of this rule, and are hereby repealed (if they were in effect), but rules 13, 14, 25, and 44 are granted exceptions.  This rule can never be changed or overridden without the unanimous consent of all players, regardless of any other rules.

 

Rule #105 - Topsy-Turvy (Proposed by Russell Blau):  After Fall 1905, the GM shall list all players in order of number of rule points.  All RPs are then reassigned in the opposite order, so (for example) the player last on the list gets the points that used to belong to the player first on the list.

Rule #106 - No More Name-Calling (Proposed by Russell Blau):  The GM shall not publish any rule proposal that refers to any of the players in the game by name, nickname, or any other designation that specifically indicates a particular player or players.

 

Rule #107 – “Fly Away, Fly Away Sam” (Proposed by Jim Burgess): All "Sam units" can fly to any position on the board, so it moves as if each space were adjacent.  This rule does NOT apply to retreats which are to adjacent spaces as usual.  Each player designates his "Sam" unit in the next turn after this proposal is approved and if they fail to do so, they do not have a Sam unit.  Once a Sam unit is annihilated or otherwise removed it is gone forever, cannot be built.

 

Rule #108 – “Long Rules are Good Rules” (Proposed by Jim Burgess): Any rule that can be written or explained in less than five lines as currently printed in the szine is null and void.  Any existing rule with this characteristic is declared null and void.

 

Rule #109 – “Let's start over” (Proposed by Jack McHugh): All rules are repealed and we are now playing with normal Diplomacy rules. Each player may only propose one new rule every two years. No rules that change the number of rules a player may propose nor how the rules are counted may be proposed in future.

Rule #110 – “I want more units” (Proposed by Jack McHugh): Any power with less than three units gets a one unit per winter until that power has three. The units are placed randomly by the GM in any open supply center.


Passed Rule Proposals:

 

Rule #1 - More Deviant Rule (Proposed by Jason Bergmann).  Paragraphs (5), (7), and (8) of the Deviant Diplomacy II variant rules are repealed and replaced with the following:

 

(1) Every Winter and Spring season, each starting player who controlled at least one supply center at the end of the previous Fall season may propose up to two rule changes.  Such players may choose to submit fewer than two rule proposals without consequence.

 

(2) Every Winter and Spring season, each starting player who controlled no supply centers at the end of the previous Fall season may propose up to one rule change.  Such players may choose to submit no rule proposals without consequence.

 

(3) Every Spring and Fall season, each starting player has a number of votes equal to one plus the number of supply centers the starting player controlled at the end of the previous Fall season. 

 

(4) Players may vote yes or no.  Players may cast all of their votes for or against any one rule proposal, or players can split yes and no votes among multiple rule proposals.  Players' votes are published.

 

(5) A no vote on any rule proposal cancels a yes vote.  The rule proposal receiving the most net yes votes goes into effect beginning the next season.  If more than one rule proposal tie for the most net yes votes, then all tied rules go into effect beginning the next season.  The rule proposal (or proposals) will go into effect even if the net yes votes are zero or negative.

 

(6) In addition to any rule proposals that go into effect under paragraph (5), additional rule proposals may also go into effect beginning the next season, if such proposals receive one or more net yes votes and if such proposals do not receive no votes from at least two different players.

 

(7) If two or more rule proposals would go into effect on the same turn but conflict explicitly or implicitly with each other, then both rules are null and void.

 

(8) The phrase "starting player" refers to the seven players who started this game, plus any standby player who succeeds the position of a starting player in this game.  The word "player" includes all starting players and all other persons who enter the game as a result of the passage of additional rules.

 

(9) This rule may be amended or repealed only by any rule proposal going into effect under paragraph (5).  Any rule proposal going into effect under paragraph (6) that amends or repeals this rule, or which conflicts explicitly or implicitly with the terms of this rule, will have no effect.

 

Rule #8 - "Barbarian Hordes, or the Excess Profits Tax." (Proposed by John David Galt).  When any power captures three or more supply centers (which he did not already own) in a single fall season, neutral armies known as "Barbarian Hordes" are immediately built in half of those centers (rounded down), selected at random by the GM.  This happens before the owner can build.

Once at least one Barbarian Horde exists on the board, player(s) may spend any or all of their rule votes to attempt to give an order to a Barbarian Horde.  Each Horde follows the order to it that gets the most votes.  If a Horde receives no orders, it is in disorder and holds.

If two or more orders to a Horde get the same number of votes, the tied orders are cancelled and Horde obeys the non-tied order with the most votes, even if that is a smaller number of votes than the tied orders got.

Barbarian Hordes are amphibious -- they can move to any land space as if they were armies, and to any water space as if they were fleets.  They cannot convoy or be convoyed.  They can support and be supported.  They cannot retreat, and are destroyed if dislodged -- but that is the only way to destroy them, because they do not need supply.

If a Barbarian Horde occupies a supply center after a Fall turn, that center becomes unowned.  However, a newly built Barbarian Horde does not affect the ownership of its starting location in the Fall turn in which it is built.

When a Barbarian Horde is built, the unit which captured that space is destroyed (thus allowing the owner to rebuild it normally in the Winter turn immediately afterward, if he holds enough centers).  [[By rule #45 this rule is no longer in effect.]]

 

Rule #13 – “The Duck Escapes Rule” (Proposed by Don Williams): Due to inept leadership, poor press writing, and insufficient cerebral bandwidth the French Republic under Don “Le Duc” Guillaume is swept away in a monstrously effective coup d’etat.  A new government and extremely popular government – to be headed by the extraordinarily handsome, exceptionally erudite, and press-prolific James “Le Burgess du L’Isle du Rhodes” Burgess – is immediately installed.  Tragically, as “Le Duc” is dragged straightforward to the guillotine for his just come-uppance, he is permanently unavailable to be re-called into this travesty of a dip game.

 

Rule #14 - Duck Williams Heart of Darkness Rule (Proposed by Jim Burgess): While Don Williams may be "out of the game" one can never be OUT of this game. Two new Provinces in Africa are created by this rule, accessed from Belgium (for obvious reasons) and London.  Belgium now also is attached to the Upper River province, which in turn is attached to the Lower River Province, which in turn is attached to London.  Only Fleets may enter this "river pathway" between London and Belgium, convoys may be made through it if two fleets are in it.  The first fleet entering this pathway is forever afterward dubbed "Marlow's Steamship" (again for obvious reasons) and that player shall then document to the GM (via CC or other means) E-Mails, phone calls, text messages, Facebook/Twitter postings etc. to Don Williams where they say "The horror, the horror!"  Besides driving Don nuts, Marlow's Steamship shall never be able to be dislodged or removed in the game (regardless of whether it has a supporting supply center) as long as the GM (in his infinite wisdom of how to bug people) views that the owner of Marlow's Steamship has sufficiently bugged Don that month.  [[For the basis of this rule “fleet” now refers to  both “fleet” and “marine unit.”]]

 

Rule #15 - Habsburg Relocation Act (Proposed by Mark D. Lew): Besieged by enemies on all sides, the Habsburg emperor pleads to Heaven for delivierance! Heaven answers, and the core of the empire is removed from Europe and transplanted to a paradise island in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.

The four spaces of Vie, Bud, Tri, and Ser are transplanted: They are no longer adjacent to Boh, Gal, Rum, Bul, Gre, Alb, Adr, Ven, or Tyo. They are each adjacent to Mid (and thus have a coast now). They retain their normal adjacency with respect to each other. Any units currently occupying those spaces are transplanted with them. The area where those spaces used to be is now a large impassable void.  [[By rule #45, this rule is no longer in effect.]]

Rule #16 - Drench the Vermin! (Proposed by Mark D. Lew): France, Russia and Germany are renamed Drance, Nussia, and Verminy. Whenever reporting game results, GM must list countries in the following order: Drance, England, Verminy, Italy, Austria, Nussia, Turkey.

Rule #17 - "Teleport Gates" (Proposed by John David Galt): The North Atlantic becomes adjacent to the Eastern Med.  The Gulf of Bothnia becomes adjacent to the Western Med.  Galicia becomes adjacent to Burgundy.  [[By rule #45, this rule is no longer in effect.]]

Rule #19 – “Marines” (Proposed by John Walker): All units are made into units called Marines.   Marines can move on Land, Water or by Air.  Marines have no movement restrictions if by air.  Air Movement takes 2 turns to complete, either a spring-fall or a fall-spring.  [[By this rule, there are no longer convoys.  Coasts are no longer necessary to specify, as the Marine units may move by land and sea.  Movements by air must be specified as “by air” or “via air.”  Destinations of air movements will not be revealed to the rest of the board until the 2nd turn, although the player MUST specify the destination with the original order; if you order Moscow – Paris via air, the first adjudication will merely state Moscow – Moscow Air.  The next adjudication will report Moscow Air – Paris.  If the landing fails due to a bounce or other interference, the unit returns to the original location the following movement season.  However, if unable to land at the location of origin because of a bounce or because it is occupied, the Marine which had attempted the air movement is destroyed, crashing due to lack of fuel.  Once a unit is in the air, the space it used to occupy can be immediately occupied.  In the above example, Moscow would be considered unoccupied immediately, so an uncontested move of Ukraine – Moscow would succeed even if ordered in the same season as Moscow – Moscow Air.]][[By rule #45, this rule is no longer in force.]]

 

Rule #21 - "It's All About the Rules" Rule (Proposed by Russell Blau):  Beginning with the season this rule goes into effect, each player (as defined in the More Deviant Rule) receives one Rule Point (RP) for each rule proposed by that player that goes into effect.  For every season in which voting takes place, each player receives one vote for each RP they hold, in addition to all votes provided for in other rules. Clause (9) of the Deviant Diplomacy II rules is repealed. The Victory Condition for this game is to control a majority of the awarded RPs, provided that no player can win the game until the total number of RPs awarded is greater than one-half the number of supply centers in existence.

 

Rule #22 - "Continent-Wide Web version 2.0" (Proposed by Russell Blau): Every passable space on the map is adjacent to the spaces immediately before and after it in alphabetical order. The list wraps around, so Yorkshire is adjacent to Adriatic Sea, and vice versa. All new coastlines created by this rule are considered to be contiguous to existing coastlines -- so, for example, a fleet that enters Yorkshire from the Adriatic can exist to the North Sea, and vice versa -- and new land boundaries created by this rule do not interrupt any existing coastlines. Each space's name is alphabetized based on how it is printed on the official map on the copy of The Game used by the GM. In addition, at the end of the Fall 1902 season, the GM will randomly select one land space for each power, from among all land spaces within that power's 1901 boundaries that is (a) not a supply center and (b) not occupied by any unit, which will immediately become a buildable home supply center for that power.  [[In effect, the new adjacencies are “worm hole” passages, because they do not change any other aspects of the board.  St. Petersburg is considered to be spelled out as Saint.  I haven’t found any, but if someone discovers before next turn that this rule contradicts Rule #15 by making Vie, Tri, Ser, or  Bud adjacent again to any of their original neighbors, then both rules are null and void by Rule #1 clause 7.  As I mentioned, I haven’t found that to be the case, but I could be wrong.  If no such contradiction is pointed out to me by the next deadline, both rules stand regardless.]]  [[By rule #45, the adjacency aspects of this rule are no longer in effect.  Also, by Scrambled Eggs, the extra centers are not necessarily build centers.]]

 

Rule #23 – “Island grabbing” (Proposed by Jason Bergmann): Effective immediately: Iceland is a German Home Center containing a German Fleet; Ireland is an English Home Center containing an English fleet; Corsica is an Austrian Home Center containing an Austrian Fleet; Sardinia is a French Home Center containing a French Fleet; Sicily is an Italian Home Center containing an Italian army; Crete is a Turkish Home Center Containing a Turkish Fleet; Cyprus is a Russian Home Center containing a Russian fleet.  All such spaces are now passable.  The Eternal Sunshine map shall be used to determine what other spaces to which they are adjacent.  In addition, Sicily and Naples are adjacent to each other, and Corsica and Sardinia are adjacent to each other.  [[By Scrambled Eggs, these are not necessarily build centers.]]

 

Rule #25 - The Boob Says Nay and Ducks (Proposed by Jim Burgess): Jim-Bob has NO interest in actually playing this game, so he gives control of all the units back to Don "The Duck" Williams.  So as to meet the criteria of the previously passed "unlucky" Rule 13, Don is NOT actually re-called into the game.  He just has to control all the units.  The Boob will retain all the voting and rule-proposing rights that are the only reason anyone would actually want to play this insane game and define who the actual players are.  If this rule passes, the Boob (aka Jim-Bob) can never push a piece, order a unit, or any other order writing construct that anyone cares to propose for any power for the rest of the game.  [[Don Williams will now be called on to submit movement orders for French units.]]

 

Rule #28 - Invisibility Spells (Proposed by John David Galt): Each Spring or Fall turn, each player may spend one of his rule votes to cause one of his units to become invisible.  The unit will act normally in all respects, but its location, and any orders to it, will be known only to its owner and the GM.  Invisibility takes effect immediately -- before the adjudication of orders on the same turn in which it is cast -- and only ends if the unit, at the end of any turn, is in a supply center which did not belong to the unit's owner at the beginning of that turn.  (On that turn its location is revealed but the order, if any, it received that turn is not.)  Neighboring units affected by the invisible unit will know whether their orders succeeded or not, but will not be told why.  [[This rule is no longer in force, except for one remaining invisible unit.]]

 

Rule #31 - Take over the Dulcinea (Proposed by Jim Burgess): As soon as this is passed (i.e. in the same issue), a "Dulcinae II" board is created with all the players and unit positions of the Dulcinae game.  All of the Dulcinae players control their units on the Dulcinae II board as well as the original board, but initially (until modified by future rules in this game) cannot issue orders any differently from in Dulcinae I, their submitted orders are also executed on Dulcinae II.  Every Fall turn, each player on the Black Licorice board randomly will have one of its units cloned onto the Dulcinae II board in the same location and it annihilates any existing Dulcinae II unit in that space.  If the randomly chosen unit is in a "new space", the entire rule creating that space will also be transferred to the Dulcinae II board -- otherwise all rules on the Dulcinae board are as in Standard Diplomacy (at least for now).  These units have one free game year, the unit does not have to be in a supply center to stay on the Dulcinae II board, but after that must support themselves by taking centers on the Dulcinae II board, centers are counted separately on each board.  [[This rule doesn’t actually take effect until ES #34, but since this rule does not do anything to the “Dulcinae II” game until the Fall turn (which I have decided to rule refers to the Fall turn in Black Licorice since Jim was not specific) it makes no difference whether it starts right now or not.]]  [[By Rule #45, this rule is no longer in effect.]]

 

Rule #32 - Take over Eternal Sunshine (Proposed by Jim Burgess): Rules proposed in Black Licorice can have real effects on other games in Eternal Sunshine.  If this rule passes and subsequent Black Licorice rules pass that affect other games, the GM/Publisher shall poll players in those games as to whether the Deviant rule shall take effect.  Any veto by any player in the "real" Eternal Sunshine game invalidates the Black Licorice rule for that game (rules proposed to affect multiple ES games can thus actually only affect a subset of those games).  These rules can be re-proposed, but can cause the GM to poll players in any given Eternal Sunshine game no more than once per Eternal Sunshine issue.  [[By Rule #45, this rule is no longer in effect.]]

 

Rule #34 - Snowball fighting! (Proposed by Mark D. Lew): During each winter season, each unit on the board may throw a snowball at any other unit on the board. When ordering throws, the player should specify a path of adjacent spaces, starting with the space occupied by the thrower and ending with the space of the target. (For snowball purposes, use adjacencies per the original map, ignoring any changes in game geography due to deviant rules. A snowball's path may include an impassable space such as Switzerland.) The path must be reasonably straight, as if drawing a straight line from somewhere in the one space to somewhere in the other, but will be judged generously if it seems close enough. If a path is clearly not straight, GM may either designate a new path with the same start and end space or else disqualify the throw as too preposterous.

Each snowball throw has a 1/N chance of hitting its target, where N is the length of the path including start and end spaces. It also has 1/N chance of hitting any unit in an intervening space along the path. Snowball throws are ordered with winter builds, but they are resolved after builds. Newly built units may neither throw nor be targeted, but they might be hit if they end up in an intervening path along a throw. Units about to be disbanded may throw or be targeted before they go, but they won't be around to get hit.

For each successful throw of length N=3 or more, the throwing player scores N style points. No style points are scored for hitting a unit other than the target, and no style points are scored for a throw of N=2. A player who scores eight or more style points in a turn gets one additional vote on rule proposals the following season. (Style points are not cumulative, and any number less than eight garners no voting benefit.)

Snowball hits taken by a unit are cumulative and tracked from year to year. During the winter season, any unit may, instead of throwing a snowball, be ordered to go inside and dry off. It takes no hits that winter and its cumulative total of hits is restored to zero. For each unit ordered to go inside and dry off, a player gets -5 style points that winter.

Any unit which suffers 20 snowball hits is considered pummeled and is treated as if in civil disorder for the rest of the game. It may not move or support during spring and fall turns. It also may not throw snowballs nor go inside during winter.  [[As the rule does not specify, a player MAY hit his own units with a snowball.  Also, once a snowball hits a unit, it stops its trajectory; so you can only hit one unit with each throw, and if you hit one along the path it never reaches the destination.  And to be clear, the chance for a hit is not variable; if you throw where N=5, the spaces along the way with units have a 1/5 chance of being hit, regardless of how far from the initial throwing space they are.]]

Rule #36 - In Democracy Flagrante (Reproposed by Russell Blau): After all other rules are resolved, the number of votes permitted by each player is doubled.

 

Rule #38 - Scrambled Eggs (Proposed by Jason Bergmann):  At the end of Winter 1902, after builds, all units will be redistributed randomly among all passable spaces.  Armies landing in water will become fleets.  Fleets landing in non-coastal land spaces will become armies.  In addition, supply centers will be redistributed among all players.  After such redistribution, each player will have the same number of supply centers, but such centers will be randomly chosen.  In Spring 1903, each player may designate three of his supply centers to be home centers.  (Russia may designate four) [[All units were Marines at the time, the changes from army to fleet and vice versa were ignored.]]

 

Rule #41 - Votes as Currency (Proposed by Jason Bergmann): During Spring and Fall turns, votes may be spent as follows:

(1) One vote to support a unit in place.
(2) Two votes to support any unit's move.
(3) Three votes to garrison a controlled supply center.  A garrisoned supply center has an intrinsic defensive strength of one if the area is unoccupied.  A garrison is destroyed if any other player's unit occupies the garrisoned space. 
(4) Five votes to buy one Rule Point.

These expenditures are in addition to those that are provided by other rules.

Rule #42 - Collapsing Wormholes (Proposed by Jason Bergmann): Each "wormhole" (i.e., adjacency between any two spaces that are not adjacent on the map published in Eternal Sunshine), immediately collapse after any unit successfully moves through it.  All other wormholes that touch either of those two spaces also immediately collapse.  No additional movement is allowed through a collapsed wormhole.  For each successful move that causes one or more wormholes to collapse, the moving player will receive 0.5 Rule Points.  (Fractional rule points do not round up.)  The adjacencies created by Rules 14, 17 and 22 are non-geographic adjacencies and qualify as wormholes.  The adjacencies created by Rules 15 and 23 are geographic adjacencies and do not qualify as wormholes.  With each game result, the GM shall publish an alphabetical list of all non-collapsed wormholes.  This rule does not apply retroactively.  [[This rule currently only applies to the adjacencies to the Upper and Lower River, as Rule #45 eliminated the rest.  The Upper River wormhole has collapsed, and the Lower River no longer exists due to Rule #55.]]

 

Rule #44 - It's 2 a.m., boys. Time to go home (Proposed by Mark D Lew): If at the end of the Fall 1910 turn no player has achieved victory, the game ends and Heather Taylor is declared the winner.

Rule #45 - Return to (Relative) Normalcy (Proposed by Mark D Lew): Now that we are completely scrambled, the board returns to normal and we try to regain our sanity:

Units, center ownership, and home centers remain as determined by the Egg Scrambling. Board adjacencies return to normal (reversing the effects of Continent-Wide Web, Habsburg Relocation, and Teleport Gates). The island spaces are still passable dots but with normal board adjacencies only (including Cor-Sar and Nap-Sic). Upper and Lower River still exist, treated as ordinary sea spaces adjacent to Belgium and London respectively and to each other.

Jim Burgess and Don Williams still control Drance's votes and moves as currently specified, but any other deviant business related to them is repealed, as are the rules extending Deviant influence to other games in the zeen (ie, #31 and #32).

All marines become armies or fleets (army if in a landlocked space, fleet if in a sea space, randomly chosen otherwise). Any marine currently in the air continues its flight as a marine but then reverts to army or fleet once it lands. No new marines may be built. Any barbarian horde currently existing continues as such until destroyed, but the rule is repealed with regard to new barbarians. Any unit currently invisible remains so until revealed, but the rule is repealed with regard to new invisibility. (That is, #8, #19, and #28 are no longer in effect once their current alterations expire.)

Other rules (ie, #1, #16, #21, #34) remain in effect.

In re-establishing normalcy, this rule does not override any new abnormalcies (eg, adjacencies) passed simultaneously.

#50 - "Say the Secret Woid and Win a Hundred Dollars" (Proposed by Russell Blau):  In every issue of Eternal Sunshine, the GM will publish a secret word, somewhere _outside_ the Black Licorice game report.  The secret word will be clearly identified; for example, the zine may say "The secret word is zucchini"; but the GM can vary the exact phrasing so that players cannot easily find the answer with a simple text search. Each player who correctly repeats the secret word in their orders the following season can cast extra votes equal to one-half their current vote total, dropping any fractions. In Winter, if there is no voting [if Rule #39 does not pass], players who correctly repeat the secret word can make an extra rule proposal. 

 

#53 - "Plunder" (Proposed by John David Galt): Any unit which is in a supply center during a spring or fall turn, and performs no other action in that turn except to hold, may plunder that supply center.  Barbarian Hordes may plunder.  Plundering fails only if the unit ordered to plunder is dislodged on that turn. A plundered space ceases to be a supply center for any purpose for two full game years beginning at the end of the turn in which it was plundered.  (Thus a space plundered in Spring 1904 would become a supply center again after Spring 1906.)

#55 – “Disappearing Spaces” (Proposed by Mark D Lew): Each spring or fall, after adjudication of moves, the least popular space will be removed from the game. GM will identify the unoccupied space which has gone unoccupied for the longest time. If there is a tie, GM will randomly choose from among them. This space will be annexed by one adjacent space, again chosen at random by the GM. Thenceforth, the disappearing space no longer exists, and the annexing space now occupies the entire area of the two spaces combined. The annexing space maintains all its original qualities, including name, land/sea, dot/non-dot, and occupying unit. For example, if the Tyrrhenian Sea is annexed by Tunis, then the new Tunis would become a large land space dot which now borders Lyo, Tus, Rom and Nap; it would have two coasts, and Rome would no longer have a coast. 


#58 - Junior Birdman (Proposed by Pete Gaughan): An air attack automatically defeats any unit or movement on the ground.  [[This rule will have no effect unless Marines or some other airborne unit is adopted.]]

 

Rule #60 - Heather Wins Regardless (Proposed by Jim Burgess): If some player achieves what appear to be victory conditions by current or any future rules prior to Fall 1910, then Heather Taylor still wins and the "winner" on the board gets a booby prize

 

Rule #61 – Blackjack (Proposed by Russell Blau): After each Fall season, the GM will shuffle a standard
52-card deck of playing cards and deal out one card to each supply center.  Each player's blackjack hand consists of the cards dealt to that player's owned centers.  As per normal blackjack rules, face cards are worth 10, and aces are either 1 or 11, whichever gives the player the better result.  The player with the best hand (highest value less than or equal to 21) wins, and gets an extra off-board supply center for the following game year.  [[The off-board supply center is not a build center and cannot be moved to.]]

Rule #62 - RP Decay (Proposed by Russell Blau):  Rule Points are radioactive.  Each game-year, there is a 1/20 probability that any given RP will decay (i.e., be permanently lost).  Decays will be calculated during the Winter adjustment phase.

 

Rule #67 - The Center Cannot Hold (Proposed by Jack McHugh): Every year, after winter builds but before spring orders, each player chooses one unit to go rogue (in the event of a tie the the GM will randomly chose a unit to go rogue.) The unit is considered in civil disorder and will hold in place but cannot be supported by anyone. The unit is removed if forced to retreat or if not on a center during any winter turn.

 

Rule #70 - Nasty Nussia Needs to be Neighborly (Proposed by Jason Bergmann): During this time of economic crisis, a populist backlash against Nussian executive bonuses has drastic consequences.  As a result, each non-Nussian starting player casting at least two votes for this proposal may name (along with such votes) one Nussian controlled supply center that will immediately become a home supply center controlled by such player, along with any unit located within.  In case of a conflict between two players who choose the same supply center, the player with the heaviest concentration of nearby units (as determined by the GM) will gain control.  For each supply center so lost, Nussia may convert one non-home supply center into a home supply center in the forthcoming winter and may throw one snowball from each new home center named during that winter.  [[Sardinia was the only center named by an eligible player – Turkey – so Sardinia is now a Turkish home and build center.]]

Rule #71 - Spring Training (Proposed by Jason Bergmann): Each starting player may name, along with their Spring 1904 orders, one major league baseball organization.  For each spring training win earned by that organization, the starting player will receive one RP.  For each spring training loss suffered by that organization, the starting player will lose one RP.  The same baseball organization may be chosen by multiple starting players.  Starting players failing to choose a baseball organization with their Spring 1904 orders will be assigned the Washington Nationals, which can barely be described as an organization and whose games can barely be described as baseball.  [[Italy takes the Giants, Nussia takes the A’s, and Turkey takes the Angels.  Everybody else gets the Nationals.  These RP will be added or subtracted each issue AFTER the turn, based on the record at that point.  So you can’t use the RP’s (or you don’t lose them) until you see the adjustment in an issue of ES.]]

#73 - Perpetual Movement Orders Not Allowed, No DUCKING! (Proposed by Jim Burgess): Since some ducklike guys in this game have been making perpetual orders to avoid NMRing and being eliminated from this monstrosity, this is antithetical to the point of the game, which is uhhh, well that's to make weird proposals, but anyway, the people supposed to be pushing the pieces need to push the pieces, so perpetual orders of any kind are not allowed, all players now are not allowed to issue HOLD orders to any more than one "regular" unit (defined as those on the printed playing map) in any Spring/Fall movement season.  Players failing to make such moves are judged to have NMRed and are replaced.

 

#74 - "I am rubber, you are glue" (Proposed by Russell Blau):  If a player (the "Proposer") proposes a rule that specifically singles out one or more player(s) or power(s) by name (the "Target") for special treatment, which in the GM's sole and unappealable judgment would be adverse to the Target, and that proposed rule is _not_ adopted, then the GM shall immediately apply that rule as if it had been adopted with the Target's name deleted and the Proposer's name (or power) substituted in its place.

 

Rule #82 - Rogue Units Go Transsexual (Proposed by Jim Burgess): All units going rogue, if not removed from the board, change their sex from Fleet to Army or vice versa as well as holding.  Armies in the water drown.

 

Rule #90 - "Make Room!" (Proposed by John David Galt): In any Winter season, a player entitled to build is never prevented from building for lack of an unoccupied build center.  (This rule does not otherwise increase the total number of units any player may build.)

If he owns at least one of his build centers, he may build any number of units there, regardless of whether the center is already occupied.  If he does not own any of his build centers, he may build any number of units in
Switzerland.

If a space contains multiple units as a result of this rule, it is not any stronger against attack than if it contained only one unit, and none of the units may give support unless and until it is once again alone in a space.

If a space contains units of more than one player because this ability and/or the "Escape!" rule has been used, there is no immediate effect on the ownership of the space.  But if two or more players still have units there at the end of the *next* Fall turn, the space becomes unowned.

This rule does not make Switzerland passable except that units may be built there and then move out.  Fleets built in Switzerland may move to any adjacent coastal land space (rivers are assumed to exist for this purpose
only).  Switzerland is not a supply center and no one can own it.

Switzerland is immune to "Disappearing Spaces".

 

Rule #92 - I, Glue (Proposed by Mark D Lew): If Mark D Lew is playing a country that begins with the letter E he immediately disbands three fleets (chosen at random), but if he is playing a country that begins with the letter N he immediately gains 5 rule points.  [[This rule is adopted by virtue of Rule #74.  However, as it did not pass, Mark D Lew does not get an additional RP for its passage, just the 3 listed.]]

Rule #97 - Steam power (Proposed by Jason Bergmann):  Marlow's Steamship may move two spaces per turn, rather than one.  (Double moves adjudicated in same way as double moves by cavalry units in the Downfall variant.)   One time only, in lieu of a move, Marlow's Steamship may be recalled from anywhere on the Board to one of the owning player's home centers.  The unit retains the same powers even if it is Renamed.

 

PRESS

 

None..you guys suck.

 


Black Press Gunboat, “Maple Sugar,” 2009Crb32, W 05/S 06

s06

Austria: A Budapest Supports A Galicia, A Galicia Supports F Black Sea - Rumania (*Void*),

 A Serbia - Greece (*Fails*), A Venice Supports A Vienna - Tyrolia (*Cut*), A Vienna - Tyrolia.

England: F English Channel Supports F North Sea (*Cut*), F North Sea Supports F Norwegian Sea (*Dislodged*,

 retreat to London or Skagerrak or Edinburgh or Yorkshire or OTB),

 F Norwegian Sea Supports F North Sea (*Cut*).

France: A Spain Supports A Marseilles (*Ordered to Move*), F Tunis - Tyrrhenian Sea.

Germany: Build F Kiel.. F Belgium - English Channel (*Fails*), A Brest – Gascony,

 A Burgundy Supports A Brest – Gascony, F Denmark Supports F Holland - North Sea, F Holland - North Sea,

 F Kiel - Helgoland Bight, A Munich Hold, A Picardy - Paris.

Italy: A Marseilles – Piedmont, F Naples - Ionian Sea, A Rome - Venice (*Fails*).

Russia: F Armenia - Black Sea, F Barents Sea - Norwegian Sea (*Fails*), A Finland - Norway (*Fails*),

 A Greece - Bulgaria (*Dislodged*, retreat to Albania or OTB), F Norway - North Sea (*Fails*),

 F Rumania Supports F Armenia - Black Sea, A Ukraine Hold, A Warsaw Hold.

Turkey: F Black Sea – Ankara, A Bulgaria Supports F Ionian Sea – Greece, A Constantinople Supports A Bulgaria,

 F Ionian Sea - Greece.

 

Summer/Fall 1906 Deadline is July 27th at 7:00am my time

 

PRESS:

R-G: U got to cut his channel and support me to North sea at the same time... i got Norwegian sea covered.

R-T: cmon can we end this fighting and destroy something that will be worth getting rid of... I mean you can look at all the white troops on the board and either think of them as clutter that will take many moves to sweep away or as potential allies ready to do our dirty work.

R-A: please at least tell me whether you are on good terms with me or not

R-World: The super smash bros brawl theme song goes well with this game.

T => I: Everything that you write rings true.

England -> Germany: Gosh, thanks!  Your NMR has bought me another season of life.

T => F: Do you want me to order F Ionian Sea S F F Tunis - Tyrrhenian Sea?

 

I-->A: NOW you NMR??? NOW??? Why couldn't you do that BEFORE you crippled me you dumb wiener eating kraut!

 

Germany – World: Apologies for absence: The Kaiser was enjoying a holiday not realizing that May would come to an early end!!

 

T => R: There will be no negotiations between our two countries as long as you occupy Turkish territory.

 

R-A: alliance is still open

T=>world: Austria must die!!

England -> A/T: Repeat after me: RUSSIA is the enemy.  RUSSIA is the enemy.

 

T=>I:lets ally


I-->T: Three things: One, shut the fuck up the advice. Two, mind your own fucking business--what happens in the western med stays in the western med. Three, get out the Ionian if you want me to move my fleet out of Naples you snot nosed towel head.

I-->F: Well look who just caught up! Finally realized E/G aren't your friends eh?

I-->R: Why don't you attack the inSultan before he gets too big to take out.

F=> World: For France!!!!!!!!!!! YA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

B--->World: Germany is too strong... we must end him...

A->T: Ur supply depots look open... and inviting....

 


Graustark Game 2002D, Winter 1917

w17

England (Fred Wiedemeyer – wiedem “of” planet.eon.net): Has A Mos, A Stp, F Bar, F Nwy, F Nwg, F Lon.

France (Andy Lischett – andy “of” lischett.com): Has F Ion, F Gre, A Ser, A Con, F Aeg, A Tri, F Tyn, F Tun,

 A Nap, A Pie, A Par, F Mid, F Bre, A Mar.

Germany (Michael Quirk – michaelpquirk “of” cs.com): Has A Gal, A Sil, A Ukr, A Mun, A Sev, A Rum,

 A Vie, F Bal, F Bot, A Bud, A Ber.

Russia (Harley Jordanharleyj “of” alum.mit.edu): Has F Smy, A Ank, A Con.

 

Spring 1918 Deadline is July 27th at 7:00am my time

DIAS is Proposed – Vote With Your Orders Please!

 

Remember – I have no orders you might have submitted to John

 

 


Graustark Diplomacy Game 2004C, Spring 1911

s11

 

Germany (Dan Mathias – dcmathias “of” comcast.net): Has F Nth, F Nwg, A Yor, A Stp, A War, A Sil,

 F Spa(sc), A Gas, A Mar, F Ech, A Gal, A Lva, A Mun, A Kie.

Italy (Brendan Mooney – bkmooney “of” comcast.net): Has A Vie, A Tri, A Ven, F Por, F Tyn, F Ion.

Russia (John Biehl – jrb “of” dccnet.com): Has A Mos.

Turkey (Colin Bruce – CBruce “of” IWM.ORG.UK): Has A Gal (may retreat to Rum or OTB), A Sev, A Ukr,

 F Wme, A Bud, A Ser, F Con, F Apu, F Aeg.

 

Fall 1911 Deadline is July 27th at 7:00am my time

DIAS is Proposed – Vote With Your Orders Please!

Remember – I have no orders you might have submitted to John

 

 


Graustark Diplomacy Game 2006A, Fall 1906

f06

Austria (Don Williams – dwilliams “of” fontana.org): Has A Boh, A Gal, A Vie, A Rum, F Gre, A Tyr.

England (Fred Wiedemeyer – wiedem “of” planet.eon.net): Has A Par, F StP(nc), F Nwy, F Nat, F Pic.

France (Hank Alme – almehj “of” alumni.rice.edu): Has F Por.

Germany (Harley Jordanharleyj “of” alum.mit.edu): Has A Gas (my retreat to Bre or OTB), A Bur,

 A Sil, A Mun, F Bal, A Pru.

Italy (Jim Burgess – jfburgess “of” gmail.com): Has F Gas, A Spa, A Bul, A Mar, F Lyo, F Mid, F Wme.

Russia (John Biehl – jrb “of” dccnet.com): Has A Ukr, A War, A Con, F Ion, A Arm, A Mos.

 

Winter 1906/Spring 1907 Deadline is July 27th at 7:00am my time

Remember – I have no orders you might have submitted to John

 

Supply Center Chart

Austria:            Budapest, Vienna, Trieste, Greece, Rumania, Serbia=6, Even

England:          Edinburgh, Liverpool, London, Norway, Belgium, Paris, St. Petersburg=7, Build 2

France:            Portugal=1, Even

Germany:         Berlin, Denmark, Holland, Sweden, Brest, Kiel, Munich=7, Build 1 or 2 (depending on retreat) Italy:                 Naples, Rome, Tunis, Venice, Marseilles, Bulgaria, Spain=7, Even

Russia:             Moscow, Sevastopol, Warsaw, Constantinople, Ankara, Smyrna=6, Even

Turkey:            Ankara, Bulgaria, Constantinople, Greece, Serbia, Smyrna=6, Build 1

 

 


By Popular Demand

 

Credit goes to Ryk Downes, I believe, for inventing this.  The goal is to pick something that fits the category and will be the "most popular" answer. You score points based on the number of entries that match yours. For example, if the category is "Cats" and the responses were 7 for Persian, 3 for Calico and 1 for Siamese, everyone who said Persian would get 7 points, Calico 3 and the lone Siamese would score 1 point. The cumulative total over 10 rounds will determine the overall winner. Anyone may enter at any point, starting with an equivalent point total of the lowest cumulative score from the previous round. If a person misses a round, they'll receive the minimum score from the round added to their cumulative total. In each round you may specify one of your answers as your Joker answer.  Your score for this answer will be doubled.  In other words, if you apply your Joker to category 3 on a given turn, and 4 other people give the same answer as you, you get 10 points instead of 5.  Players who fail to submit a Joker for any specific turn will have their Joker automatically applied to the first category. And, if you want to submit some commentary with your answers, feel free to.  The game will consist of 10 rounds.  A prize will be awarded to the winner.  Research is permitted!

 

Round 9 Categories


1. A type of hat.

2. A Paul Newman film.

3. A brand of sunglasses.

4. A comic book.

5. An opera.

 


Heather gets the high score for the round.  But it looks like the Duck is unstoppable!

 

Selected Comments By Category:

 

Hat – Andy Lischett “I don't care if everyone else picks "baseball cap," I like derbies. Anyone who picks "baseball cap" should have to specify (and match) a team.” Phil Murphy “Personally, however, I quite like the Bowler Hat - Blame John Cleese and that Ministry of Silly Walks sketch for that one...”  Dane Maslen “In a British zine I would have answered Bowler for Number 1 (not that anyone still wears them).”  Allison Kent “I want to say baseball cap but I am not going to.”

Paul Newman – Andy Lischettt “Probably Cool Hand Luke or Butch Cassidy will win (maybe The Sting) but my first thought was Hud, and I don't even think I've seen it.”  Michael Moulton “I prefer The Hustler and Slap Shot myself.”  Brad Wilson “Well, I'd like to say Nobody's Fool or Twilight, two gorgeous little films but no one else saw them.”

 

Sunglasses –Andy Lischett “I can't remember the brand but I liked the company that sold their sunglasses as "Thermonuclear Protection."”


Comic Book – Arthur Shulman “The secrrrret wordiswhisker.”

Opera – Phil MurphyOpera isn't really my thing, to be honest. But always loved hearing Pavarotti singing Nessum Dorma...”  Rick Desper “I have no idea what the best answer for Opera would be.  La Boheme?  Something by Wagner?  I could go with the Ring Cycle, but that’s more than one opera.  Tempted to go with Tommy.”  Jim Burgess “Really tough Verdi and Aida?  Wagner and the Ring Cycle?  Mozart and Marriage of Figaro?”

 

Round 10 Categories – Deadline is July 27th at 7:00am my time


1. Something children hate to do.

2. A Charlton Heston film.

3. Another word for “friend.”

4. A musical duo.

5. An emotion.



 

Eternal Sunshine Movie Quote Contest

 

There are ten rounds of movie quotes, and each round consists of ten quotes.  Anyone may enter at any point, starting with an equivalent point total of the lowest cumulative score from the previous round. If a person misses a round, they'll receive the minimum score from the round added to their cumulative total. If you want to submit some commentary with your answers, feel free to.  The game will consist of 10 rounds.  A prize will be awarded to the winner – and it might be a very good prize!  Research is not permitted!  That means NO RESEARCH OF ANY KIND, not just no searches for the quotes themselves.  Try to avoid the temptation to Google the quotes.  I’m doing many of the quotes from memory anyway, so you won’t necessarily be able to find them by direct search…so don’t try!  Each round will also contain one bonus point, which is awarded if you can tell me what the ten movies being quoted have in common.

 

Round Seven

 

#1. Ya know, you see a girl a couple of times a week, just for laughs, and right away they think you're gonna divorce your wife. Now I ask you, is that fair?  The Apartment, Correct – JM, AL, PR, RD, DW, JB

 

#2. There'll be 100 million people right here in this country who will be shocked and offended and appalled and the two of you will just have to ride that out, maybe every day for the rest of your lives.  Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner?, Comment – JM, DM, KW, PV, JB.  All the President’s Men – PR.  Thelma and Louise – RD.

 

#3. Look, I'm here with my partner and nine other people, see. And we're dying, man. You know? You're going to see our brains on the sidewalk, they're going to spill our guts out. Now are you going to show that on television? Have all your housewives look at that? Instead of As The World Turns?  Dog Day Afternoon, Correct – JM, AL, PR, RD, KW, PV, JB

 

#4. I'm sorry ma'am, I lied to you. I'm very sorry about that. That man right there is my brother and if he doesn't get to watch 'People's Court' in about 30 seconds, he's gonna throw a fit right here on your porch.  Rain Man, Correct – RD, JM, AL, PR, DM, KW, PV, JB

 

#5. Every night it's the fucking chicken! Holy God Almighty! Is it possible just once we could get something to eat for dinner around here that's not the goddamned fucking chicken?  Little Miss Sunshine, Correct – PR, KW, DW, PV, JB.  One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest – RD.

 

#6. We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion.  Dead Poets Society, Correct – JM, AL, PR, RD, KW, PV, JB

 

#7. Too many guys think I'm a concept, or I complete them, or I'm gonna make them alive. But I'm just a fucked-up girl who's lookin' for my own peace of mind; don't assign me yours.  Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind – KW, PV, JB.  Girl Interrupted – PR.  Almost Famous – RD.

 

#8. And then he calls me a jerk, and says the last guy who thought he was a jerk was dead now. So I don't say nothin' and he says, "What do ya think about that?" So I says, "Well, that don't sound like too good a deal for him, then."  Fargo, Correct – JM, PV, JB.  Shawshank Redemption – PR.  Pulp Fiction – RD.

 

#9. But, Mrs. Mulwray, I goddamn near lost my nose. And I like it. I like breathing through it. And I still think you're hiding something.  Chinatown, Correct – RD, JM, AL, KW, DW, JB.  Get Shorty – PR.  Twister – PV.

 

#10. And Nietzsche, with his theory of eternal recurrence. He said that the life we lived we're gonna live over again the exact same way for eternity. Great. That means I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again.  Hannah and Her Sisters – PV, JB.  Love and Death – JM.  Annie Hall – RD.

 

Bonus: What do all these films have in common?  All won Best Original Screenplay Oscars.  They All Won at Least One Oscar – JM (close, but not specific enough).  Director Appeared in the Film – AL.  All independent films – PR.  Won Best Screenplay – RD.

 

Scores: BW – Brendan Whyte (0 + 2 = 2), DM – Dane Maslen (2 + 4 = 6), PV - Pat Vogelsang (8 + 47 = 55), RD – Rick Desper (5 + 15 = 20), PR – Paraic Reddington (5 + 13 = 18), AL – Andy Lischett (5 + 15 = 10), AY – Andy York (0 + 4 = 4), JB – Jim-Bob Burgess (10 + 48 = 58), JM – Jack McHugh (7 + 26 = 33), DW – Don Williams (3 + 6 = 9), KW – Kevin Wilson (7 + 8 = 15), MH – Melinda Holley (0 + 0 = 0), RL – Robert Lesco (0 + 4 = 4).

 

Round Eight

 

#1. Took your advice, went to a doctor about this ear. He says 'You have an ear infection, ten dollars please'. So I says 'I told you I had an ear infection, you give me ten dollars!' Well that started an argument.

 

#2. Man, if my fucking ex-wife asked me to take care of her fucking dog while she and her boyfriend went to Honolulu I'd tell her to go fuck herself.

 

#3. Well, high heels make walking very, very difficult. So you see, nothing would be more attractive to a man than a woman wearing fishnet stockings and high heels because she has trouble walking and she's imprisoned within this net and therefore he thinks she's easy prey.

 

#4. What they need, these women, is a good old-fashioned horse-fuck. They can buy all the new panties they want, but they get stained, don't they? Stained panties are part of life no matter how hard you wipe.

 

#5. A man tells his stories so many times that he becomes the stories. They live on after him, and in that way he becomes immortal.

 

#6. That piece is entitled "Mirror, Father, Mirror." I like to show it to people that I'm meeting for the first time because I feel it says so much about who I am and what it feels like to inhabit my specific skin.

 

#7. I coulda been somebody, instead of just an ice cream truck driver, which is what I am, let's face it.

 

#8. I despise rapists. For me, you're somewhere between a cockroach and that white stuff that accumulates at the corner of your mouth when you're really thirsty. But, in your case, I'll make an exception.

 

#9. I know the presidents' chief scientific advisor, we were at MIT together. And, in a situation like this, you really don't want to take the advice from a man who got a C minus in astrophysics.

 

#10. You know, lately I've been lying awake at night thinking of all the dumb-ass things I've done when i was messed up. One night last year, at dinner, I threw up all over my glazed ham. Then I was thinking, "Well, maybe nobody noticed."

 

Bonus: What do all these films have in common?

 

Deadline for your answers to Round 8: July 27th at 7:00am my time

 

 


General Deadline for the Next Issue of Eternal Sunshine:  July 27th, 2010 at 7:00am my time

See You Then!

IMG_1581