Eternal Sunshine #43

August 2010

By Douglas Kent 911 Irene Drive, Mesquite, TX  75149

Email: doug of or diplomacyworld of

On the web at – or go directly to the Diplomacy section at  Also be sure to visit the official Diplomacy World website which can be found at  Also remember to check out for official Toby the Helpful Kitty news, advice column, blog, and links to all his available merchandise!  Links to many of the books and DVDs reviewed can be found by clicking on the Amazon Store button in the main menu of the Whining Kent Pigs website.  Or go to where women can learn all the secrets of how a man’s mind works, and why they act the way they do.

All Eternal Sunshine readers are encouraged to join the free Eternal Sunshine Yahoo group at to stay up-to-date on any subzine news or errata.  We also have our own Eternal Sunshine Twitter feed at, and a Facebook group at!/group.php?gid=112223650909

Quote Of The Month“It would be different, if we could just give it another go-round.” (Joel in “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”)


Welcome to Eternal Sunshine, the only Diplomacy zine which can irritate and frustrate you even when you’re NOT reading it.  Unfortunately I am quite short on time at the moment, so my usual front-page ramblings will have to be kept to a minimum.  (When I say unfortunately, I mean for me, not for YOU…obviously you will all be very happy with this state of affairs).


I will focus solely on zine news.  This issue you’ll find the usual crap: the final chapter in Fire and Rain, the typical games results, Hypothetical Questions, letter column.  All the junk you usually skip over.  Jack McHugh, Paul Milewski, and Richard Walkerdine all return with their columns.  Unfortunately Andy York was unable to make it this month, due to personal issues, work pressures, and something about being busy trying to decide which cat to adopt from the SPCA.  Good for you, Andy!


As for some of the new things in this issue, for one there’s a brief interview with author Lisa Gitlin, discussing her new novel “I Came out for THIS?”  I hope to do more interviews in the future…and as a matter of fact, a new feature I’ll probably call “You Don’t Know Me” should premiere next issue, which is another interview-type column.  There’s also this year’s Football Prediction Contest.  And whatever else I cram into here.


Oh, by the way, Chris Babcock has a game he is offering, and I wanted to publicize it here.  This is his description:


"The Face of your Enemy" Video Press Diplomacy Game

Play Diplomacy. Conduct press between turns using email and whatever ever other means you can agree on, but... Submit at least 30 seconds of video press and a 30 second video diary each turn. Instructions on how to send videos so that they remain private until it is time for the reveal will be provided before game start. Watch the introductory video on YouTube. Contact Chris Babcock by email to join or to ask questions:


I guess that’s it for this month.  See you in September!

The Month’s Playlist: Learning to Fall – Isaac Thompson; Laws of Illusion – Sarah McLachlan; Soundtrack  - She’s Having a Baby; Ghostwritier – Beth Wood; Little Peppermints – Antje Duvekot.



Fire and Rain – Part Nine


I kept an eye on the Call-Out schedule each morning, to see if the doctor had set me up with an appointment.  But for three days, there was nothing.  So I decided I had no choice but to wait in line one afternoon and wait to see him without an appointment.  The other inmates waiting in that line were usually there to ask questions about their eligibility for RDAP or deal with matters within the program; I don’t believe anyone else in line was there for a matter relating to life outside the prison system.


Finally it was my turn, and I came in to the office and sat down on the metal chair facing his desk.  The walls were filled with bookshelves, but I could see that for the most part they were simply binders and records of inmates in the RDAP program.  The whole room had a very administrative feel; it wasn’t the office of a mental health professional.  But he was the only real avenue I had to discuss Mara’s suicide openly in my situation, so I began to explain what had happened and my feelings about it.


The doctor interrupted me.  “Oh yes, I remember now.  I got your note, and I was a bit confused by it.  Why exactly did you want to see me over this matter?”


“Well, I mean…my ex-wife and I had been married for over ten years, and together for nearly twenty.  Aside from my family, there is really nobody else in the world I’ve known longer.  I tried to nurse her though physical and mental ailments for years, before our marriage finally collapsed when she attempted suicide in 1998.”


“But you were divorced, yes?”


“Yes, when I lost my insurance coverage, and when she wanted to remarry anyway, there was no reason to stay legally married.”


“So she remarried?”


“Yes, and as I put in my note, she and her husband killed themselves together last month, and I just found out about it.”


“So, I still don’t understand.  Why did you want to see me?”


I was starting to wonder if this was some kind of psychological method, sort of like when the psychiatrist asks you “and how did that make you feel” when you’re trying to get them to tell you something.  But this guy’s demeanor was a bit too straight-faced.  “Because I want some help dealing with all these emotions and feelings I’m having about this.”


“What emotions?  Why would this bother you so much?”


“I told you, because I was with her for almost 20 years.  She was my first love, my best friend, and I spent two decades trying to help and heal her.  Now she has killed herself, and I feel…well, I’m overwhelmed with sadness and grief, obviously.  And tremendous guilt.”


“Why would you feel guilty?  You didn’t kill her, she killed herself.  And she was remarried; her husband should feel guilty, not you.  I’m just not sure what you want me to do for you.”


“He killed himself too!  How would he feel guilty?”  This wasn’t going exactly the way I planned.


“Are you asking me to write you a pass to not work for a day or two?  Because I am not really inclined to do that.”


“No, look….I am having a lot of trouble dealing with this.  I just wanted some help, or something to read, or something to help alleviate my emotional issues.”


“Well I don’t know what to tell you.  Try not to feel guilty.  And just get over it.”


In the real world, I know my reaction to this Abbot and Costello routine would have been different.  I could have allowed myself to get angry, to confront him, to ask if he earned his degree from a school he found in a matchbook cover.  But the entire experience was so surreal…and he was the man who, in the end, was going to determine whether I was eligible for RDAP.  I could not afford to act naturally.


So, what else could I do?  I thanked him for his time and left.  Now I felt shitty AND completely confused.


Heather did send me a book about dealing with the suicide of a loved one, and if nothing else that book helped explain the causes of the guilt in more specific terms, and the way the guilt is nearly universal to survivors.  There are just so many “what ifs” and “should haves” when somebody commits suicide.  Life is far too easy to connect on a string…if A happens, and you did C instead of B in reaction, that result changes everything. 


It’s sort of the opposite to the way some people watch baseball; they think changing one hit or one call would mean everything that happened afterwards would work a certain way.  If that guy walked instead of struck out, the next hitter would have driven him in with his home run…but, of course, with a runner on the pitch selection would have been entirely different, the calls from the bench for hit-and-run or defensive player positioning would change…it’s entirely different. 


But in life, when someone is sick and depressed and suicidal, changing one decision, or one action, doesn’t solve the problem.  You have to rewrite the entire script, and when you do that you’re doing it with hindsight, and with knowledge you had no access to back then.  The truth is Mara never got over her years of sexual abuse as a child, or the family situation which allowed it….and, to top it off, the reactions she got when she began to openly discuss it.  I know I did the best I could, even if I was an enabler with her other issues some of the time.  It simply wasn’t good enough…and there may not have been a good enough.


The thing is, despite all her problems, I always cared for Mara, and always loved her in my own way.  I simply had changed my focus to myself, and to trying to improve my own life and make it tolerable or even enjoyable.  She was the center of a huge chunk of my life, but that was no longer true.  Our orbits had changed.  Still, as the song says, I always thought that I’d see her again.  And I’d hoped that when I did, she’d be happy with her life.  I may have hoped for too much.


Much later in my prison experience, my RDAP teacher read a paper I wrote about the relationship and came to speak to me privately.  She had no idea what my life had been like, and I guess the fact that – unlike most of her students – I was willing to discuss such personal aspects of my history shocked her as much as the things I had to say.  One thing she suggested was that I write Mara a letter when I came home.  Talk to her, get all my feelings out, be honest about my guilt, the things I think I did wrong, any suppressed anger at her for not doing more on her own.  Pour everything onto the page.  Then, I should go somewhere peaceful, by myself, and burn it.  In doing so, I’d be purging myself symbolically of a lot of those feelings.


I’ve never done that.  But one day I will.  And the burning letter can be the fire, and my tears will be the rain. 




Hypothetical of the Month

Last month, we gave you these two hypotheticals: #1.  Your lover is away and you are looking after his/her apartment.  You come across a diary.  Do you read it?  #2.  The government has been overthrown by a party that is violent and undemocratic.  You are asked to join the underground.  Do you?


Melinda Holley - #1 -  I grew up in a household with a five sisters and a suspicious mother.  Do you think I was stupid enough to EVER write anything down?  That being the case, I would NEVER read someone else's diary except if they'd disappeared and I was looking for a clue or something.  I think reading someone else's diary (or other personal papers) is a horrible invasion of privacy.


#2 - I'm too overweight to run, can't hit the broadside of a barn, and have the worst 'poker face' of anyone I know.  I'd like to think I'd join the underground.  I just don't think I'd be very good at it.


Andy York - #1 - Nope, no questions about it


#2 - Undecided, I'd need more information on the situation and my options for moving to another country, working on change from within (without going into the underground), etc.


Andy Lischett - #1 - No.


#2 - Why? To restore Obama? Seriously, probably not. I doubt that I'm brave enough.


Rohan Keane - #1 - No. If it's bad I don't want to know and if it's good then I don't need to know.

- Hell no! I'm on the side of the government. I'd happily infiltrate the group and spy on them for my new Overlords.

Phil Murphy - #1 - No. Quite apart from the fact that I'd have a moral issue with prying into someone's inimate papers or journals, I would probably find out something better unknown. So I'd leave it as I found it.

#2 - Yes. Whatever flaws a government may have, democracy and respect for the rule of law are inviolable. It's my duty as a citizen to resist in these circumstances. Personally however, I'd favour intelligence gathering rather than armed combat - I'd be better at it and it'd serve the resistance better.


Tom Howell - #1 - If I came across a diary, it would have been out in the open, not hidden away. Probably a 50-50 chance I'd browse through it.

#2 - Assuming I hadn't been offed in the overthrow, I'd probably be one of the guys handing out invitations...


Heather Taylor - #1 – Yes, because I am a nosy bitch.  Then I’d put it back so they didn’t know I touched it.


#2 – Yes, because I believe in democracy and limited government.


For Next Month (For the time being, I am selecting questions from the game “A Question of Scruples” which was published in 1984 by High Games Enterprises.  The word Scruples is also being used as a secret this issue).  Remember you can make your answers as detailed as you wish.:  #1 – A friend asks you to write a reference.  You feel he’s poorly qualified for the job.  Do you refuse?  #2 – Your name sounds foreign and is difficult to pronounce.  Your clients and superiors are always stumbling over it.  You worry it may be affecting your career.  Do you change it?



The Eternal Sunshine Football Prediction Contest


Since training camps are soon to open, now is the time to make your predictions.  The contest is simple: you get one point for each correct division winner, and one point for correctly selecting the wild card teams (two per conference).  Then you get two points for each team you correctly choose as conference championship (meaning they play in the Super Bowl), and three points for correctly picking the Super Bowl winner.  We’re not picking winners for individual playoff games…just the division winners, wild card teams, and who goes to the Big Game.  Any commentary you want to include with your picks is welcome.  And remember, like all Eternal Sunshine contests, there will actually be a REAL PRIZE for the winner!  In fact, if we get enough entries, I’ll give one to the runner-up too.  If you’ve got any questions, just ask me. So send in an entry and join in the fun!  I think I’ll even give my own picks next issue.  All entries will be published next issue, so get them in by the deadline!  In case you need reminding (or if you are not a football fan and just want to see if you can guess the winners and embarrass theses so-called experts), the divisions and their member teams are as follows:


NFC East: New York Giants, Philadelphia Eagles, Dallas, Cowboys, Washington Redskins.


NFC North: Minnesota Vikings, Chicago Bears, Green Bay Packers, Detroit Lions.


NFC South: Carolina Panthers, Atlanta Falcons, Tampa Bay Bucs, New Orleans Saints


NFC West: Arizona Cardinals, San Francisco 49ers, Seattle Seahawks, St. Louis Rams.


AFC East: Miami Dolphins, New York Jets, New England Patriots, Buffalo Bills.


AFC North: Pittsburgh Steelers, Baltimore Ravens, Cincinnati Bengals, Cleveland Browns.


AFC South: Tennessee Titans, Indianapolis Colts, Houston Texans, Jacksonville Jaguars.


AFC West: San Diego Chargers, Kansas City Chiefs, Denver Broncos, Oakland Raiders.


Deadline for Picks: August 29th at 7pm my time



The Dining Dead -
The Eternal Sunshine Movie Reviews


Winter’s Bone – This film, which won the Grand Jury Prize at this year’s Sundance Festival, reeks of desperation and misery.  Nobody in the film ever truly smiles, except for the youngest of children.  Life is hard, and it is never going to get easier; only harder.  Such is the hand dealt to Ree Dolly (Jennifer Lawrence).  She lives in the Missouri Ozarks with her father (who produces meth for a living), mother (basically catatonic most of the time, between having gone crazy and the medication she is on), and younger brother and sister.  Her father is under indictment for meth production, and out on bond.  So Ree is truly in charge of the family, and sees it not just as necessity but responsibility.  Family blood is a powerful force in her world.


Her father Jessup is missing, and the local bondsman comes by to let Ree know that he’s put their entire property (including their woodlands, the only true asset they hold) up to cover the bond.  If he doesn’t show up for his court date, the family will lose everything they have.  So Ree, who lives by the code her family has taught her (never talk to the police, never say anything about anyone, never ask for what should be offered, and never ask questions) decides she must break those rules, and sets out to ask her various nearby relatives – all in the meth business – if they know the whereabouts of her father.  Despite the danger, and the warnings from those she first approaches, she sees no other option available. 


The film is based on a novel by Daniel Woodrell, who himself hails from the Ozarks.  So everything feels real, and looks real thanks to the direction and screenplay writing of Debra Granik.  Some of the homes look barely habitable, and trash is strewn everywhere.  The landscape is barren, and the sky is gray.  Danger and mistrust lurk around every corner; little eye contact is made, and instead eyes shift constantly.  Food is scarce; Ree makes some deer stew in one scene, and later is shown teaching her siblings how to hunt squirrel.  Despite being a woman, she manages to hide her fear the best she can when facing the scariest members of her extended family.  She is the patriarch, regardless of her gender.  This is her family, and she will fight to save them.


Jennifer Lawrence gives a tremendous performance, and she carries the movie throughout.  It is only how she reacts to each other character which brings them to life, and shows us who they are and how dangerous they may or may not be.  Ree pushes as hard as she dares, but sometimes even she knows when lines cannot be crossed.  And through it all we are reminded that she has committed herself to this family…they are her responsibility to care for, and she’ll make any necessary sacrifice to do so.


Winter’s Bone is not the greatest film of the year, but it is definitely worth seeing.  Look for it; it’s in national release but for the moment seems to be showing only in the art house theaters.


Inception – The reviews I’ve seen for Inception, the new film starring Leonardo DiCaprio, have in most part been full of raves.  And don’t get me wrong; I did enjoy the film.  It just wasn’t nearly as exceptional as I had hoped it would be.  Christopher Nolan (who wrote and directed one of my all-time favorites, Memento) has long since moved into the world of big budget blockbusters (Batman Begins and The Dark Knight being recent examples), and Inception seems to be his attempt to blend that with the twisted originality of Memento. 


The plot is rather simple on the surface, a sort of Mission Impossible crossed with The Matrix crossed with Dreamscape.  DiCaprio plays Cobb, who with his partner Arthur (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) freelance the ability to enter a target’s dreams, in an attempt to steal secrets.  As you would expect, part of the mystery of the film is figuring out when someone is dreaming, or even experiencing a dream within a dream.  For reasons unclear at first, Cobb is unable to return home to the United States.  So when he is offered an “impossible” job of planting an idea in a target’s subconscious in exchange for making a return home possible, he agrees. 

Commence the Mission Impossible link.  He assembles his team, including a “forger” (someone skilled at assuming different identities within a dream), an “architect” (who builds the world of the dream, played by Ellen Page), a chemist (to build the necessary sedative to allow a dream within a dream within a dream)…and off we go.


I don’t want to go any deeper into the plot and spoil things for those who will see Inception, but the logic of the “rules” of entering other people’s dreams hold together rather well.  I liken that to the consistent but complicated world of Dr. Who.  It might sound complicated, but it makes sense.  However, there were a few instances where I was bothered by breaks in that chain of logic…where Nolan doesn’t tie it together properly.  And the plot twists were not very surprising.  As Heather said, “When *I* figure it out before it happens, you know it’s obvious.”


The other significant problem with the film is, in my opinion, the casting of DiCaprio.  The emotion he shows on screen never feels real; and the character is all too familiar territory for him.  Again, Heather came up with the perfect line as she whispered to me “Does he do any movies anymore where he isn’t a tortured soul?”


This review sounds negative, but I know it really shouldn’t be.  It was difficult to make out some of the dialogue, which I attribute to the theatre…if it’s the movie itself, that would be another problem.  But still, Inception is fun, interesting, has a lot of action, and a good summer popcorn movie (a bit long though compared to others, nearly 2 ½ hours).  So go see it, and have a good time.  I just hoped I’d walk out feeling blown away…and I didn’t.  As a matter of fact, I enjoyed Winter’s Bone in total more than Inception.  It wasn’t fun, but it held my attention better. 


And just in case you enjoy that kind of thing, Inception can also be seen in IMAX theatres.  The visuals are often quite striking, so I would bet the IMAX version brings that to a whole new level.


Seen on DVD – The Shining (B+, it has been a while since I’ve watched this, and Kubrick’s direction made a bigger impact on me this time around).  Magic (B, s a child I just found Fats creepy, but as an adult I can appreciate Hopkins’ performance).  Without a Trace (B, I still get choked up at the last scene.  Judd Hirsch is an underrated actor.)



Books in Boxers
Eternal Sunshine Book Reviews


This issue, instead of book reviews (which I haven’t done many of lately anyway), we’re lucky enough to have a short interview with author Lisa Gitlin, who recently released her first novel: “I Came Out for THIS?” (published by Bywater Books).  I managed to bug Lisa into answering a few questions.  I’d love to do more of these in the future, if any of our readers have connections with professional authors, musicians, actors, athletes, etc.


How do you prefer to describe the plot of "I Came Out for THIS?"  Can you give a short synopsis?


It’s about a woman in her 40s from Cleveland, Ohio who has recently come out and fallen madly in love and moves to Washington, DC to win the woman’s heart.


"I Came Out for THIS?" is your first published novel, correct?  Do you have other novels in the trunk, or is this also the first you've written?


I have written books of short stories (unpublished) and chunks of novels but this is my first completed novel.


Have you been able to make a living as a freelance writer prior to this, or do you have a full-time job to support part-time writing?

I always made a living as a freelance writer but after about 20 years of it I decided I was sick of writing for everyone but myself so I got a very flexible job as a field interviewer for a government health study, which allows me to devote my creative energy to writing novels, which is what I always wanted to do. I plan to drop the field interviewing job when I start making money writing books, which is quite a challenge, especially when you’re no longer a spring chicken. But I’m a pretty good writer and I think I can achieve what I set out to do. There is a world of difference between writing articles and writing novels.


Which do you find easier to write: fiction, factual articles, or using fact within fiction?


Using fact within fiction. You don’t have to interview people; you only have to rely on yourself for information.


What's next on your plate?  Another novel?


Yes, I’m writing another novel; I have around 80 pages done. It’s got a broader scope than I Came Out For THIS? But that’s all I’ll say about it.


Was it difficult to get "I Came Out for THIS?" published?  Common industry "how to be a writer" books suggest the first thing a writer needs to do is find a literary agent.  Has that been your experience?


Any writer who’s written more than one book probably should have an agent, but you don’t need one to sell a first novel. I sent my book directly to editors and had no trouble getting them to look at it. But the fact that I was an experienced writer helped to get their attention. You just have to be a little creative in getting access to them. Editors know it’s hard to find an agent until you have more than one book under your belt. The original version of my book was too short – essentially it was a novella -- and that’s why I couldn’t sell it right away. Finally Bywater Books said they wanted it, but I had to add to it, which I did, and I’m pleased with the way it came out.   

While quality books of the "lesbian fiction" genre (as your publisher Bywater Books calls it) need better publicity and distribution, do you worry that the expansion of the genre - as with any genre - risks pigeonholing the books in that genre so that those outside the immediate audience will never give them a chance?  Clearly "I Came Out for THIS?" can be enjoyed by a wide audience.


I think it’s a balancing act – do you want to focus on your “niche” or market yourself as a writer of “general fiction?” I certainly don’t want to be thought of as a “lesbian writer” and in fact I did not write this book specifically for gay readers. But if my book becomes a lesbian hit I won’t complain, even if it’s not on the radar screen of most straight readers.


What has been the biggest, or most pleasant, surprise in this process of having "I Came Out for THIS?" published?


That just about everyone who reads it likes it and gets a kick out of reading it. That makes me very happy. Also, I was surprised at how much I myself liked my book, after it came in the mail and I read it “with fresh eyes.” I was laughing out loud at my own writing. That’s a great feeling after spending years writing a book and feeling embarrassed by it half the time, thinking, “Who would want to read this drivel?” 



Meet Me In Montauk
The Eternal Sunshine Letter Column

Rick Desper: I was kind of hoping that you would interpret my guess to be "best original screenplay", with the understanding that it wasn't consistent with all of my guesses.  But really, is it fair to not give me credit when my guess does entail a property shared by all of the films?  I don't think so. 


[[I think it was a bad decision on my part, and in retrospect a shitty thing to do.  So you get the point and my apology.]]


Dane Maslen: Regarding your black recliner, from the photos it seems to me that the real owner of the house (dogs have owners; cats have servants) might object to the black recliner being usurped by a guest.


[[Not if it’s Andy York, the world’s #1 cat fan!]]


Andy York: OK, looking at the latest ES before it becomes stale (and trying to clear my deck of everything that's come in over my two week trip to Michigan). You are right, a house is a big list of "what need attention next" and why I have chosen to be an apartment dweller since I moved out of my father's house. It is much easier to call in that the "dishwasher isn't working" at 9 in the morning and come home from work to a new dishwasher that didn't cost a cent. Now, I might try a condo at some point, but apartments (carefully chosen) suit me just fine.


[[Our neighbors were loud, the walls and ceiling were thin, and how could we get a few big dogs with no yard?  Uh uh.  But, I admit I NEVER thought I would own a home.  Just didn’t look like it was in the cards.]]


Regarding furniture, you only expect a bedroom piece (of higher quality) to last (roughly) 10 years or more? And, for the rest, 5 years (albiet with pets)? I"m not going to ask how much heavy "use" they get, besides the cats, that requires such a frequent replacement. For me, I expect things to last much longer than that.


[[Well so far the cats have been good about the new furniture.  But if they start to claw...well, once they begin the damage, they keep going and going.]]


But, then again, I'm single, don't entertain and have no concerns if the veneer is cracked, the shelves sag from the weight of books or things are out of style. And, having no fashion sense or compunction, makes things easier. In short, the single life does have some advantages!


That being said, your photos show a very "homey" home for the two of you. One of these days, I'll have to visit and put the cats into a state of frenzy due to the lack of visitors you've had.  And, no, no, no, I won't get a cat (in response to your note after William Wood's LOC).


[[Come on, a cute fuzz ball?  You should reconsider.  Besides, we both know you will.]]


Regarding the car and passing inspection, I've had my car's battery disconnected a number of times without any issues (other than resetting the clock and radio stations). Interesting that it was an issue with your car.


[[With this model it seems to be a major pain in the butt.  Never had that problem with any other vehicle.]]


Jim Burgess: I actually find the movie quotes a big pain in the butt!  I am motivated to catch and beat Pat Vogelsang, I'm pretty good at movie quotes in general as I hear the voices of the characters in my head, so I usually get who the actor/actresses are first.  As Doug knows, early in the quizzes I used to then go look up "Jack Nicholson" movies (not at quotes, but just a list of the actor's movies to choose which one it is), now Doug clarifies this is not allowed.  But I work on these suckers ALL month, every morning at 6AM, sometimes popping in DVDs/VCR tapes from my hugely extensive collection to get voices anchored, or get them from Netflix.  I'm presuming, Mr. Torture Mongerer (i.e. Doug), that I am allowed to watch movies or parts of movies?  I have been doing that.  This month is coming especially slowly.  I don't think I've seen the first movie, which has been especially torturing me.  And has me thinking in the evening as well.  At first I thought it was a Marx Brothers movie, but went and watched parts of a number of them and I convinced myself it wasn't them, but now I think it comes from another Brothers, but I'm sure it is a movie I haven't seen, since I would remember that quote, but I now have nailed the writing voice.  Maybe one of you will get that one.  I'm officially calling uncle on Number 1.  Some of the rest are easy.  But I've no clue again on the theme.  Most of these I've hit on the theme early which has helped me get them all.


But this month has been especially painful for some reason, partly how hard the theme is, I just want this to be over!!!!  If it is another one of these stupid "someone in this movie one a Best Supporting Actor nomination" themes, I hate those since you can't figure them out without cheating and looking at the Oscar lists for the most part.


[[Nope, as you can see...that wasn’t the theme!  Oh, and watching movies that you think may contain one of the quotes is unquestionably NOT cheating.]]

The Unquantifiable

by Paul Milewski


There is an insidious tendency to quantify everything.  Color is an example.  In his book Chaos, James Gleick compares the “reductionist” approach of Newton to the “holistic” approach of Goethe.  “What is red?  To a physicist, it is light radiating in waves between 620 to 800 billionths of a meter long.”  On the other hand, “it was the perception of color, to Goethe, that was universal and objective.”  Does it really tell us anything about “red” to say it is electromagnetic energy with a wavelength between 620 and 800 billionths of a meter?  It tells me nothing about what I experience when I see red (as opposed to some other color).  The color red “I see” is a construct of my consciousness.  Even if you and I consistently identify the same things as being red (as opposed to some other color), can I still be sure that my “red experience” is the same as yours?  It isn’t a function of the eyeball or the optic nerve.  It’s a function of consciousness.  You could pick apart a brain cell by cell, neuron by neuron, and never “find” the consciousness.  Yet, it seems that quantifying “red” gives us a feeling of confidence that we “know” something about it.


Consider cup sizes.  I know a D cup is bigger than a C cup, etc.  Can you, or anyone you know, describe the volume of breast contained in a D cup in terms of cubic centimeters or any other measure?  Would it make a difference if you could?  The important thing isn’t a precise quantification; it’s your experience of the thing.


A person could be patronizing or condescending about two young people engaging in sexual activity for the first time, saying they act as if they were the ones who discovered sex, and their experience to them may be such that they feel nobody else could possibly have experienced the same thing in the same way.  It’s such a profound experience because someone who hasn’t experienced it has no idea what to expect.  Some things cannot be understood unless experienced.  There is an almost irresistible tendency to doubt or question whether anyone else has experienced something the same way you have.  Some of those experiences are unpleasant, like pain, the loss of a loved one, a failed relationship; others are not.


Empathy is a terribly important quality in a person.  It rests on the willingness of a person to believe that other people are capable of, and do, experience the same things he does: pain, love, fear, hunger, etc.  I enjoy watching movies, particularly romance and adventure films.  I find it reassuring to think that the people who made the film (wrote it, directed it, acted in it) must experience the same things the same way I do.  What they understand as poignant, heartbreaking, or emotionally charged, is the same thing I do.  What they find adventurous or thrilling are the same things I do.


There’s a wonderful throwaway line about the difference between facts and truth that is spoken by Harrison Ford in one of the Indiana Jones movies (archaeology just deals with facts; if you’re looking for truth, the philosophy class is down the hall).  I interact with any number of people on a daily basis.  Some of them I can recognize when I run into them in other settings.  Some of them I remember by name.  For the most part, I don’t know anything meaningful about them, because I don’t know anything about their experiences.  They remain strangers to me in the most profound sense.  Oddly enough, there are people like Doug Kent, whom I’ve never met, that I know a great deal about.  I suspect that in my last moments on this earth one of the things I will regret most will be not having known more people well.


Brain Farts: The Only Subsubzine With It’s Own Fragrance

By Jack “Flapjack” McHugh –

(or just email Doug and he’ll send it to me)

Issue #21




Despite still having no job, and the Braves in first place, I think this month is the first in a long time when my life at least ended the month no worse than it started.  Or maybe I’ve finally discovered how many beers it takes for me to ignore reality.  Nothing else to say…go Eagles?


Adults’-Only By Popular Demand

The players so far: Heather Taylor (HT), Mark D Lew (MDL), Martin Burgdorf (MB), John David Galt (JDG), Kevin Wilson (KW), Paraic Reddington (PR), Michael Moulton (MM), Bill Brown (BB), Brendan Whyte (BW), William Wood (WW).


Round 8 Categories:

1.     A place people fantasize about having sex at or in. Hot Tub – HT.  Public Place – MB.  Bed – PR.  Airplane Bathrooms – WW, MM, KW.  Park – BW.

2.     The age a man begins to consider the use of Viagra. 50 – HT.  40 – MB.  69 – PR.  55 – WW, MM.  45 – KW.  60 – BW.

3.     The age a girl begins to enter puberty. 13 – HT, WW, KW, BW.  10 – MB.  12 – PR, MM.

4.     A place to meet women when you want to start a relationship. Church – HT.  Library – MB.  Funeral – PR.  Weddings – WW.  Bookstore – MM.  Bar – KW.  Nightclub – BW.

5.     A romantic movie that puts women in the mood for sex. City of Angels – HT.  9 ½ Weeks – MB.  When Harry Met Sally – PR.  Jerry Maguire – WW.  Titanic – MM, KW.  Sleepless in Seattle – BW.


New Scores: Martin Burgdorf (MB) – 127, Michael Moulton (MM) – 118, Heather Taylor (HT) - 117, Mark D Lew (MDL) - 113, Kevin Wilson (KW) – 112, Brendan Whyte (BW) – 105, Paraic Reddington (PR) - 104, Bill Brown (BB) – 101, William Wood (WW) – 75, John David Galt (JDG) – 70.


Round 9 Categories:

1.     An artist whose work can be considered erotic.

2.     A current television actress men might fantasize about.

3.     The worst anniversary gift, from a woman’s perspective.

4.     Another term for a woman’s breasts.

5.     Another word or phrase for sex other than “fuck.”


Deadline will be the Friday before Doug’s deadline, which means this month it will be August 27th at midnight.


When George Burns was 97 years old he was interviewed by Oprah Winfrey, Oprah asked,'Mr. Burns, how do you carry so much energy with you? You are always working and at your age I think that is remarkable.'

Mr. Burns said, 'I just take good care of myself and enjoy what I do when I do it.'

Oprah said, 'I understand you still do the sex thing, even at your age.'

George said, 'Of course I still do the sex thing, and I am quite good at it.'
Oprah said, 'I have never been with an older man, would you do it with me?'

So they had sex and when they finished Oprah said, 'I just don't believe I have ever been so satisfied, you are a remarkable man.'

George said, 'The second time is even better than the first time."

Oprah said, 'You can really do it again at your age?'

George said, 'Just let me sleep for 1/2 hour. You hold my testicles in your left hand and my penis in your right hand and wake me up in thirty minutes.'

 When she woke him up, they again had great sex, and Oprah was beside herself with joy. She said, 'Oh Mr. Burns, I am astounded that you could do a repeat performance and have it be better than the first time. At your age, Oh My, Oh My!!!'

George said that the third time would be even better. 'You just hold my testicles in your left hand and my penis in your right hand and wake me in thirty minutes.'

Oprah said, 'Does me holding you like that kind of recharge your batteries?'

George said, 'No, but the last time I had sex with a black woman she stole my wallet.'


A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to  have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.
On the way home he stopped at  the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchase home.
While he was scratching his head he was approached by a  little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?"
The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house.   I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot."
The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket.. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"
"Why  thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.  On  the way he says "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."
The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow  without a husband to defend me.. How do I know that when we get in the  alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your  way with me?"
The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying  a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"
The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold  the chickens."


A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life.  She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband.

At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs ... enough times till her husband says... "Are you wearing crotchless panties?" 

"Y-e-s," she answers with a seductive smile.

"Thank God for that... I thought you were sitting on the cat. 



Dr. Epstein was a renowned physician who earned his undergraduate, graduate, and medical degrees in his home town and then left for Manhattan, where he quickly rose to the top of his field.


Soon he was invited to deliver a significant paper, at a conference, coincidentally held in his hometown. He walked on stage and placed his papers on the lectern, but they slid off onto the floor. As he bent over to retrieve them, at precisely the wrong instant, he inadvertently farted.


The microphone amplified his mistake resoundingly through the room and reverberated it down the hall.  He was quite embarrassed but somehow regained his composure just enough to deliver his paper. He ignored the resounding applause and raced out the stage door, never to be seen in his home town again.


Decades later, when his elderly mother was ill, he returned to visit her. He reserved a hotel room under the name of Levy and arrived under cover of darkness.  The desk clerk asked him, "Is this your first visit to our city, Mr. Levy?"


Dr. Epstein replied, "Well, young man, no, it isn't. I grew up here and received my education here, but then I moved away."


“Why haven't you visited?" asked the desk clerk.


Actually, I did visit once, many years ago, but an embarrassing thing happened and since then I've been too ashamed to return."


The clerk consoled him. "Sir, while I don't have your life experience, one thing I have learned is that often what seems embarrassing to me isn't even remembered by others. I bet that's true of your incident too."


Dr. Epstein replied, "Son, I doubt that's the case with my incident."


"Was it a long time ago?"


"Yes, many years."


The clerk thought for a moment, and asked, "Was it before or after the Great Epstein Fart?"


A Tribute to our Armed Forces….


A teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.  The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.


There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved.  Finally, last but not least, it was Janie’s turn.


"Janie, do you have a story to share? '


' 'Yes ma ' am.  My daddy told me a story about my Mommy.  She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit.  She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.  She drank the whiskey on the way down, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.


She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.


'Good Heavens, ' said the horrified teacher. 'What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?



"Stay away from Mommy when she's been drinking."






by Richard Walkerdine


An American tourist in London decides to leave his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights and now and then popping into a quaint old pub to soak up the culture, chat to the locals and enjoy a pint of English beer.


After a while he finds himself in a really high class neighbourhood – big, stately buildings, no pubs, no stores, no restaurants...but unfortunately no public toilets!


But he really, really needs to go after all those pints of beer.


He eventually finds a narrow alley with high walls sheltering him from the surrounding buildings and decides to use one of the walls to solve his problem.


As he is unzipping he is tapped on the shoulder by a London policeman who says, “I am sorry sir, but you really can’t do that here.”


“I’m very sorry officer,” he replies, “but I really am desperate to go and I just can’t find a public toilet.”


“That’s all right sir,” replies the policeman, “just come with me.” He leads him to a back delivery alley, then along a wall to a gate which he opens. “In there sir,” says the policeman. “Anywhere you want.”


The American tourist enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen:  immaculate lawns, exquisite statues, big fountains, sculptured hedges and huge beds of flowers all in perfect bloom. Since he has the cop’s blessing he unburdens himself and is greatly relieved.


As he goes back through the gate he says to the policeman, “That was really decent of you – is that what you call British hospitality?”


“No sir,” replies the policeman, “that’s what we call ‘the French embassy’.”





by Richard Walkerdine


A young boy, the grandson of a friend of mine, asked me the other day, “What was your favourite fast food when you were growing up?”


“We didn’t have fast food when I was growing up,” I replied. “All the food was slow.”


“C’mon, seriously, where did you eat?”


“It was a place called ‘home’,” I explained. “Mum cooked every day and when Dad got home from work we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn’t like what she put on my plate I had to sit there until I did like it.”


By this time the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he might hurt himself, so I didn’t tell him the part about how I had to ask permission to leave the table.


But here are some of the things I would have told him about my childhood if I had thought his system could have handled it.


Some parents never owned their own house, or wore jeans, or had ever set foot on a golf course, had holidays abroad or had a credit card.


My parents never drove me to school. I had a bicycle that probably weighed around fifty pounds and had only one speed (slow).

I remember we had a television which was really a piece of polished wooden furniture with a screen that seemed about six inches square (that’s 150mm in new money). It was, of course, only black and white and the station went off the air at midnight after playing the national anthem and a poem about God. It came back on the air at around six in the morning, usually with a locally produced news and farm show featuring local people.


I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone in the house was on a party line with the house next door.


Before you could dial you had to listen and make sure your neighbours weren’t already using it.


Pizzas were not delivered to our home...but milk was.


All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers. My brother delivered newspapers six days a week and had to get up at six every morning to do so.


Film stars kissed with their mouths shut, at least in the movies. There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy, without profanity or excessive violence.


My first burger was a ‘Wimpy’. However you had to sit down on a chair, at a table. Then a waitress asked you politely, “What would you like?” Your food was brought to you on a plate, with a knife and fork. And you paid for it after you had eaten it!


If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. But don’t blame me if they bust a gut laughing.


Growing up isn’t what it used to be, is it?


Here is an ‘Older Than Dirt’ quiz. Count all the ones you actually remember, not the ones you were told about. Ratings are at the bottom.


1                      Headlight dimmer switches on the floor of the car.

2                      Using hand signals in cars without indicators.

3                      Having to pull out the ‘choke’ before starting the engine.

4                      Sweet cigarettes.

5                      Coffee bars with juke boxes.

6                      Home milk delivery in glass bottles.

7                      Party lines on the telephone.

8                      Newsreels before the main feature film.

9                      TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show.

10                     Peashooters.

11                     78 RPM records.

12                     Hi-Fi’s.

13                     Tin baths.

14                     Blue flashbulbs.

15                     Cork popguns.

16                     Washing machines with wringers.


If you remembered 0-3 you are still young.

If you remembered 4-6 you are getting older.

If you remembered 7-10 don’t tell anyone your age.

If you remembered 11-16 you are older than dirt!


Yeah of course I remembered all 16, but those memories are some of the best parts of my life.


Don’t forget to pass this on, especially to all your really OLD friends....

Game Openings

Diplomacy (Black Press – Permanent Opening in ES): Signed up: Zachary Jarvie, Brad Wilson, Jeff O’Donnell, needs four more to fill.

“The Face of Your Enemy” Video Diplomacy (GM’d by Chris Babcock): See page 1 of this issue for a full description.  Contact Chris at to sign up or to get more information.

Gunboat Diplomacy (Black Press): Signed up: Five, need two more to fill.  Sign up now!

Diplomacy Bourse (Black Press): Buy and sell the currencies of the Diplomacy nations.  This Bourse is using the new game “Dulcinea” as its basis.  Players may join at any time, and are then given 1000 units of every currency still in circulation.  The rules to Bourse can be found in ES #24.

Youngstown IVa (Black Press): A classic, and quite popular, version of the variant.  Email me for rules and maps, or you can find them at:  Signed up: Phil Murphy, Brad Wilson, need eight more to fill.  Sign up now! 

Final Conflict III (Black Press): Tom Swider’s global nuclear variant.  Rules and map elsewhere in this issue.  Signed up: Brad Wilson, David McCrumb, need five more to fill.  Sign up now!

By Popular Demand: Game currently underway, join any time. 

Adult’s Only By Popular Demand: Game in Jack’s sub-subzine “Brain Farts.” Game underway, join any time. 

Eternal Sunshine Movie Quote Quiz: 10 rounds, join any time.  You can find it at the end of the zine.

Standby List: HELP!  I need standby players! – Current standby list: Graham Wilson, Jim Burgess (Dip only), Jeremie Lefrancois (Dip only), Lance Anderson (Dip only), Martin Burgdorf, Paul Milewski (Dip only), Brad Wilson, and whoever I beg into it in an emergency.

I’m going to continue to go through my files and seeing what other variants I can offer, until I find one that gets enough interest to fill.  When I offer a variant I’ll give it an issue or two, but if nobody signs up I’ll drop the opening and replace it.  If somebody wants to guest-GM a game of anything, just get in touch.  If you have specific game requests please let me know.



Eternal Sunshine Game Section


Diplomacy “Wouldn’t It Be Nice?” 2008A, W 11/S 12


Austria (Kevin Wilson - ckevinw “of” A Bohemia - Silesia (*Fails*),

 A Budapest - Galicia (*Fails*), A Galicia - Warsaw (*Bounce*), F Ionian Sea Hold,

 A Ukraine Supports A Galicia – Warsaw, A Vienna - Bohemia (*Fails*).

England (Jérémie LeFrançois - jeremie.lefrancois “of” Build A London..

 F Belgium - Picardy (*Bounce*), A Berlin Supports A Silesia, F Brest Supports A London – Gascony,

 F English Channel Convoys A London – Gascony, F Kiel – Holland, A Livonia - Warsaw (*Bounce*),

 A London – Gascony, F Mid-Atlantic Ocean Convoys A London – Gascony,

 A Moscow Supports A Livonia - Warsaw (*Cut*), F North Atlantic Ocean Supports F Mid-Atlantic Ocean,

 F Portugal Supports F Mid-Atlantic Ocean, A Prussia Supports A Livonia – Warsaw, A Ruhr - Burgundy (*Fails*),

 A Silesia Supports A Livonia - Warsaw (*Cut*), A St Petersburg Supports A Moscow.

France (William Wood – wxmanwill “of” Remove A Paris..

 A Burgundy - Picardy (*Bounce*).

Italy (Don Williams – dwilliam “of” Build A Venice.. A Marseilles - Gascony (*Fails*),

 F North Africa - Mid-Atlantic Ocean (*Fails*), F Spain(sc) Supports F North Africa - Mid-Atlantic Ocean,

 A Tyrolia – Munich, A Venice – Piedmont, F Western Mediterranean Supports F Spain(sc).

Turkey (Brad Wilson - bwdolphin146 “of” F Aegean Sea Hold,

 F Black Sea Convoys A Constantinople – Rumania, A Constantinople - Rumania (*Fails*),

 A Rumania - Sevastopol (*Fails*), A Sevastopol - Moscow (*Fails*), A Smyrna Hold.



Fall 1912 Deadline is August 30th at 7:00am my time



CON-ROME: Let me know when you need some help.

CON-LON: OK, I see 17 .... but 18?




Diplomacy “Dulcinea” 2008C, F 08


Austria (Lance Anderson – lance_anderson “of” A Bohemia – Silesia, A Budapest – Galicia,

 A Piedmont Supports A Marseilles, A Silesia – Prussia, A Tyrolia Supports A Vienna – Bohemia, F Venice – Apulia,

 A Vienna - Bohemia.

England (Philip Murphy trekkypj “of” Retreats A St Petersburg - Finland..

 F Barents Sea - St Petersburg(nc) (*Fails*), F English Channel Supports F Mid-Atlantic Ocean,

 A Finland Supports F Barents Sea - St Petersburg(nc), A Gascony Supports F Spain(sc) - Marseilles (*Void*),

 F Mid-Atlantic Ocean Supports F Western Mediterranean, F North Atlantic Ocean - North Sea (*Fails*),

 F North Africa Supports F Western Mediterranean, A Paris Hold.

France (Brad Wilson – bwdolphin146 ”of” F Portugal Supports F Gulf of Lyon - Spain(sc).

Germany (William Wood – wxmanwill “of” F Berlin Hold,

 A Burgundy Supports F Spain(sc) - Marseilles (*Void*), A Kiel Supports A Munich, A Munich Hold,

 A Ruhr Supports A Munich.

Italy (Melinda Holley – genea5613 “of” F Spain(sc) Supports F Western Mediterranean

 (*Disbanded*), F Western Mediterranean Supports F Spain(sc) (*Cut*).

Turkey (Jim Burgess – jfburgess “of” F Albania - Adriatic Sea, F Black Sea Hold,

 F Greece – Albania, F Gulf of Lyon - Spain(sc), F Ionian Sea Supports F Tunis,

 A Marseilles Supports F Gulf of Lyon - Spain(sc), A Moscow Supports A St Petersburg,

 A St Petersburg Supports A Silesia - Prussia (*Fails*), F Tyrrhenian Sea - Western Mediterranean (*Fails*),

 F Tunis Supports F Tyrrhenian Sea - Western Mediterranean.


A/T and A/E/T Draws Both Fail

Winter 08/Spring 09 Deadline is August 30th at 7:00am my time


Supply Center Chart


Austria:            Budapest, Rumania, Serbia, Trieste, Venice, Vienna, Warsaw=7, Even

England:          Brest, Edinburgh, Liverpool, London, Norway, Paris, Sweden=7, Remove 1

France:            Portugal=1, Even

Germany:         Belgium, Berlin, Denmark, Holland, Kiel, Munich=6, Plays 1 Short (No room to build)

Italy:                None=0, OUT!!

Turkey:            Ankara, Bulgaria, Constantinople, Greece, Marseilles, Moscow, Naples, Rome, Sevastopol,

                        Smyrna, Spain, St Petersburg, Tunis=13, Build 3





Sultan to Prime Minister:  Yes, I took away your Barents Sea mooring in Arkhangelsk, but I have no fleet there to be towed to the Pacific, I have no idea what you're talking about.  It is my Mediterranean fleets that plan to go to the Pacific, but they plan to do it through the Atlantic.


POR-SUBLIME PORTE: Anything for you exalted one!!


PRIME MINISTER: I meant that to happen. Honest! We're only away for the summer and then we'll be back. I'm just leasing the Winter Palace to the Sultan for a few months... *whispers to aide* Think they bought that?


Budapest to Ankara: How's the 'French' Riviera this time of year?



“Dulcinea” Diplomacy Bourse


Billy Ray Valentine: No activity.


Duke of York: No activity.


Smaug the Dragon: Sells 500 Pounds.  Buys 351 Piastres.


Rothschild: Sells 285 Francs.  Buys 49 Crowns.


Baron Wuffet: No changes.


Wooden Nickel Enterprises: Sells 176 Francs, 281 Marks.  Buys 65 Crowns, 65 Pounds, and 64 Piastres.


VAIONT Enterprises: Sells 500 Pounds and 98 Marks.  Buys 400 Piastres.


Insider Trading LLC: No activity.


Bourse Master: Sells 500 Pounds.  Buys 350 Piastres.


Next Bourse Deadline is August 29th at 7:00pm my time



Duke of York to Smaug: You're breathing a whole lot of cold fire given that so much of your coal is stale worthless Russian coal.


Rothschild to the Dragon: What is my "puny nation"? My financial empire is bigger than any nation.


SMAUG TO ALL: My poor performance is the result of external pressures, namely the international economic downturn, the volatility of commodity prices, and the nefarious activities of the Gnomes of Zurich. My timing is  not the issue here! *snorts flames*.


Duke of York to Rothschild: I salute your brilliant trading, sir!  With this turn you vault back into the lead!!




Diplomacy “Just a Taste” 2009C, A 05/W 05/S 06

Austria (William Wood – wxmanwill “of” Remove F Greece..

 F Albania Supports A Serbia - Trieste (*Fails*), A Budapest Supports A Galicia – Vienna,

 A Galicia - Vienna (*Dislodged*, retreat to Rumania or OTB), A Serbia - Trieste (*Fails*),

 A Trieste - Venice (*Fails*), A Ukraine Supports A Sevastopol - Moscow.

England (Paul Milewskipaul.milewski “of” Retreats A Norway - Finland..

 F Barents Sea - Norway (*Fails*), A Finland - St Petersburg, F Liverpool - Wales.

France (Paraic Reddington - ): Retreats F Adriatic Sea - Apulia..

 F Apulia Supports F Tunis - Ionian Sea, A Burgundy Hold, F Edinburgh – Clyde, F Gulf of Lyon - Tyrrhenian Sea,

 A London – Yorkshire, F Mid-Atlantic Ocean - Irish Sea, Naples Supports F Apulia (*Cut*), A Piedmont – Tyrolia,

 F Tunis - Ionian Sea, A Tuscany Supports A Venice,

 F Western Mediterranean Supports F Gulf of Lyon - Tyrrhenian Sea.

Germany (Philip Murphy trekkypj “of” Build A Munich.. A Bohemia Supports A Vienna – Galicia,

  F Livonia - Gulf of Bothnia, A Munich Supports A Piedmont – Tyrolia, F Norway - Barents Sea (*Fails*),

 A Prussia – Livonia, A Silesia Supports A Warsaw, F Sweden – Finland,

 A Venice Supports A Piedmont - Tyrolia (*Cut*), A Vienna – Galicia, A Warsaw Supports A Vienna - Galicia.

Turkey (Graham Wilson – grahamaw “of” F Adriatic Sea Supports A Trieste – Venice,

 F Constantinople - Aegean Sea,

 F Ionian Sea - Naples (*Dislodged*, retreat Eastern Mediterranean, Greece, or OTB), A Sevastopol - Moscow.


Summer/Fall 06 deadline is August 30th at 7:00am my time




E to G:  I am a little suspicious of your accent.  I would have expected "zat" and "zee" more from a frog than from a kraut. 


F to T - Your oil spill has spread to the Adriatic. This ecological piracy cannot go unpunished. Have you no sense of global accountability? Our clean up vessels are on their way to ascertain how much damage you have done. Rest your head in shame!

KAISER WILHELM TO FRANCE: If it's easier to say sorry, why haven't I received your apology? Anyhow, the sooner your men move on to Liverpool, the better! No woman is safe in the City of London with all those bluecoats about!

F to A - Now where was that disband and what are your intentions? Do you want to destabilise the board with an army disband or trust you 'ally' with a fleet? My guess is the latter and you disbanded Greece.

F to G - We have sent your armies boxed sets of Ludo, Boggle and Twister so that they do not get bored and look for something better to do.

F to E - Paul I could never understand your articles so I will send you this missive in binary: 01010000 01001100 01000101 01000001 01010011 01000101 00100000 01001100 01000101 01000001 01010110 01000101 00100000 01001100 01001001 01010110 01000101         01010010 01010000 01001111 01001111 01001100 00100000 01000001 01001100 01001111 01001110 01000101 00100000 01000001 01001110 01000100 00100000 01000100 01001001 01000101 00101110 00100000 01010100 01001000 01000101 01010010 01000101                 00011001 01010011 00100000 01000001 00100000 01000111 01001111 01001111 01000100 00100000 01000011 01001000 01000001 01010000 00101110

F to F - Don't forget to call your mother more.


White Press Diplomacy “Creepshow” 2009D, F 04

Austria (Brad Wilson - bwdolphin146 “of” A Trieste Supports A Vienna (*Cut*),

 A Vienna Supports A Trieste (*Cut*).

England (Chuy Cronin – chuykdc_92 “of” F North Sea – Denmark, F Norway Hold,

 F Norwegian Sea Supports F Norway, A Yorkshire Hold.

France (Michael Cronin – mfmcronin “of” F Belgium - Holland (*Fails*),

 A Burgundy - Munich (*Fails*), A Gascony Supports A Munich (*Fails*), A Picardy - Belgium (*Fails*),

 A Piedmont – Tyrolia, A Tyrolia - Bohemia.

Germany (Pat Vogelsang – godawgsgo33 “of” No Moves Received..F Helgoland Bight Hold,

 F Holland Hold, A Kiel Hold, A Munich Hold, A Ruhr Hold.

Italy (Graham Wilson – grahamaw “of” Retreats A Ukraine - Galicia.. A Galicia – Silesia,

 F Naples - Tyrrhenian Sea (*Bounce*), F Tunis - Tyrrhenian Sea (*Bounce*), A Venice begs for mercy.

Russia (Kevin Wilson - ckevinw “of” A Budapest - Vienna (*Fails*),

 A Rumania - Budapest (*Fails*), F Sevastopol - Rumania (*Fails*), F St Petersburg(nc) - Norway (*Fails*),

 F Sweden Supports F St Petersburg(nc) – Norway, A Ukraine – Galicia, A Warsaw Supports A Ukraine - Galicia.

Turkey (Larry Cronin – lcroninmd “of” F Adriatic Sea Supports A Greece – Apulia,

 F Aegean Sea – Greece, F Eastern Mediterranean Supports F Ionian Sea, A Greece – Apulia,

 F Ionian Sea Convoys A Greece – Apulia, A Serbia - Trieste (*Fails*).


Would Paul Milewski (paul.milewski “of” standby for Germany?

W 04/S 05 Deadline is August 30th at 7:00am my time


Supply Center Chart

Austria:            Trieste, Vienna=2, Even

England:          Denmark, Edinburgh, Liverpool, London, Norway=5, Build 1

France:            Belgium, Brest, Marseilles, Paris, Portugal, Spain=6, Even

Germany:         Berlin, Holland, Kiel, Munich=4, Remove 1

Italy:                Naples, Rome, Tunis, Venice=4, Even

Russia:             Budapest, Moscow, Rumania, Sevastopol, St Petersburg, Sweden, Warsaw=7, Even

Turkey:            Ankara, Bulgaria, Constantinople, Greece, Serbia, Smyrna=6, Even



None.  You guys suck.



Diplomacy “Bellicus” from Strange Meeting, Spring/Summer 1910


France (Pat Vogelsang – godawgsgo33 “of” No Moves Received!  A Brest U, A Edinburgh U,

 A Paris U, A Picardy U.

Russia (Chris Babcock – cbabcock “of” A Belgium Supports A Burgundy,

 A Budapest Supports A Warsaw – Galicia, A Burgundy Supports A Belgium, F English Channel - Irish Sea,

 F London – Wales, A Moscow Supports A Ukraine, A Munich - Tyrolia (*Fails*), F North Sea - English Channel,

 F St Petersburg(nc) – Norway, A Tyrolia - Venice (*Fails*), A Ukraine Supports A Warsaw – Galicia,

 A Vienna Supports A Budapest, A Warsaw - Galicia.

Turkey (Phil Amos – p.v.a “of” A Ankara – Constantinople,

 A Armenia Supports A Sevastopol, F Black Sea Supports A Rumania, F Bulgaria(ec) Supports A Rumania,

 F Constantinople - Aegean Sea, F Marseilles Supports F Piedmont, F Piedmont Supports F Marseilles,

 F Portugal Supports F Western Mediterranean - Mid-Atlantic Ocean, A Rumania Supports A Sevastopol,

 A Serbia Supports F Trieste, A Sevastopol Supports A Rumania, F Smyrna - Eastern Mediterranean,

 F Spain(sc) Supports F Marseilles, F Trieste Supports A Venice, A Venice Supports F Trieste (*Cut*),

 F Western Mediterranean - Mid-Atlantic Ocean.


Would Brad Wilson (bwdolphin146 “of” standby for France?

Fall/Winter 1910 Deadline is August 30th at 7:00am my time




Russia: France has the pretty boring job of sitting in Paris and Brest hoping that two very clever players who have worked well together in the past don't come up with a brilliant idea to make the rest of his life interesting. If Pat wants to propose another 3-way draw and/or Philip wants to brainstorm with me then we may be able to poo or get off the potty about the endgame. :)



Deviant Dip II – “Black Licorice” – 2009Brc08 – Fall 1905

Heather Taylor Wins!


Drance (Jim Burgess – jfburgess “of” with Don Williams ordering units): A StP[Rogue],

 A Ukr U, F Cyp(1) U.

England (Russell Blau – russblau “of” F Ice-Nwg, F Ech-Nth, A Lon-Yor, F Bla S F Ank-Arm,

 A Smy(1) S F Ank-Arm, F Ank-Arm(1)[1 support], A Bul-Rum, F Cre S A Gre(OTM).

Verminy (Hugh Polley – hapolley “of” Retreats A Lvn-War..F Nat-Lvp[3 supports],

 A War-Gal[3 suports], A Bel-Hol[2 supports].

Italy (John David Galt – jdg “of” F Nwy-Stp(nc), A Kie S F Bal-Ber,

 F Hol H(Dis, ret Hel,OTB), F Bal-Ber.

Austria (Jack Mchugh – jwmchughjr “of” A Rum retreats OTB.  No units.

Nussia (Mark D Lew – markdlew “of” A Tyr-Mun, A Boh S A Tyr-Mun, A Rum S A Ser,

 A Pru S A Ber, A Lva S A Gal-War, A Pic-Bel, A Bur S A Pic-Bel, F Spa(sc)-Mid, F Iri-Ire, F Mid-Ech,

 A Ber S A Tyr-Mun(Dis, ret Sil, OTB), A Gal-War(Dis, ret Vie,Bud,OTB), A Ser S A Rum(Dis, ret Bud, Tri, OTB),

 F Alb-Gre, A Arm-Sev.

Turkey (Jason Bergmann – jasonbergmann “of” Marlow’s Steamship Upp-Tun,

 A Rom-Ven[3 supports], A Gre-Ser(1) [3 Supports], F Bre H [2 supports], A Lvp-Wal [3 supports],

 F Naf-Wme(1), F Ion-Gre[3 supports], F Wme-Spa(sc)(1) [3 Supports].


Supply Center Chart, With Owned Home Centers in Bold

Centers With Garrisons Are Underlined


Drance             St. Petersburg, Cyprus=2

England            Iceland, Smyrna, Crete, Constantinople, Wales, London, Bulgaria, Amenia=8

Verminy           Liverpool, Moscow, Holland=3

Italy                 Denmark, Norway, Kiel, Sweden, Berlin=5

Austria             None=0, No Units

Nussia              Tyrolia, Piedmont, Marseilles, Trieste, Budapest, Ankara,

                        Vienna, Portugal, Paris, Munich, Rumania, Sevastopol, Belgium, Ireland=14

Turkey              Corsica, Sardinia, Rome, Edinburgh, Naples, Tunis, Brest, Sicily, Venice, Serbia, Greece,

Wales, Spain=13


Build Centers (When Owned) Are As Follows (Underlined Centers Have Garrisons):


Drance             Ankara, Belgium, Crete

England            Smyrna, Iceland, Trieste

Verminy           Vienna, London, Liverpool

Italy                 Serbia, Edinburgh, Denmark

Austria             Venice, Holland, Armenia

Nussia              Tyrolia, Piedmont, Livonia, Budapest

Turkey              Corsica, Prussia, Tunis, Sardinia


England, Italy, Nussia, and Turkey correctly identified the Secret Word as Whisker



Drance: 6 Yes on 101, 6 Yes on 107.

England: 2 to support moves.  1 No for #98, 1 No for #99, 1 No for #100, 1 Yes for #101, 2 Yes for #102, 1 No for #103, 1 No for #104, 2 Yes for #105, 2 Yes for #106, 1 No for #107, 1 Yes for #108,  1 No for #109, 1 No for #110.

Verminy: 16 spent to support moves.

Italy: Buys 4 RP.  1 Yes on #98, 1 Yes on #99, 1 Yes on #100, 1 Yes on #101, 1 No on #102, 1 No on #108, 1 No on #109.

Austria: No votes spent.

Nussia: Buys 24 RP.

Turkey: 32 for supports.  Buys 3 RP.  1 Yes on #98, 1 No on #99, 18 Yes on #101, 3 Yes on #102, 1 No on #103, 1 No on #104, 1 No on #105, 1 No on #108, 1 No on #109, 1 Yes on #110.


RP’s (Rule #21): Jack McHugh - 0; Russell Blau - 0; Jim Burgess - 1; Hugh Polley - 0; John David Galt - 19; Mark D Lew - 48; Jason Bergmann – 19.5.


Expenditure of votes has now taken place, but prior to the voting on rules being adjudicated, Mark D Lew owns 48 RP’s, which means he owns a majority of RP’s and the game ends (no specific time was given for when such a majority is counted, so I have decided it is a continual count).  However, as he has won the game, based on Rule #60 Heather Taylor is officially the winner, and Mark D Lew instead is awarded a booby prize.  Mark, watch your email for said prize.  Any End of Game statements will be published next issue.  I wonder if there is, or will ever be, appetite for another go at this variant?  I was sad to see two players drop, especially Pete Gaughan since his zine Perelandra is the wold reason I ran it in the first place.




Lew to Bergmann: Ben Sheets? Ben Sheets?? I've overlooked a lot, including that Nasty Nussia rule, but this is the final straw. The fact that you didn't even realize what an insult that is just makes it worse.


Verminy: Hell with rule voting; nothing I vote for ever passes, and connections I think exist don't.


England - GM: Yeah, you're right, those guys suck!



In case you were curious, here is how the voting on rules WOULD have adjudicated:




Black Press Gunboat, “Maple Sugar,” 2009Crb32, F 06

Austria: A Budapest – Trieste, A Galicia - Rumania (*Dislodged*, ret Silesia or Bohemia or Vienna or Budapest

 or OTB), A Serbia Supports A Galicia - Rumania (*Cut*), A Tyrolia Supports A Venice,

 A Venice Supports F Tyrrhenian Sea - Rome (*Void*).

England: Retreats F North Sea - Edinburgh.. F Edinburgh Supports F Norwegian Sea,

 F English Channel - Mid-Atlantic Ocean, F Norwegian Sea Supports F Edinburgh (*Cut*).

France: A Spain Supports A Piedmont - Marseilles (*Void*), F Tyrrhenian Sea - Tunis (*Bounce*).

Germany: F Belgium - English Channel, A Burgundy – Marseilles,

 F Denmark Supports F Helgoland Bight - North Sea, A Gascony Supports A Burgundy – Marseilles,

 F Helgoland Bight - North Sea, A Munich – Burgundy, F North Sea – Yorkshire, A Paris - Brest.

Italy: F Ionian Sea - Tunis (*Bounce*), A Piedmont - Venice (*Fails*), A Rome Supports A Piedmont - Venice.

Russia: A Albania - Serbia (*Fails*), F Barents Sea - Norwegian Sea (*Fails*),

 F Black Sea Supports F Rumania (*Cut*), A Finland - St Petersburg,

 F Norway Supports F Barents Sea - Norwegian Sea, F Rumania Hold, A Ukraine – Galicia,

 A Warsaw Supports A Ukraine - Galicia.

Turkey: F Ankara - Black Sea (*Fails*), A Bulgaria Supports F Greece, A Constantinople Supports A Bulgaria,

 F Greece Supports A Bulgaria.


Proposed – Concession to Germany.  Vote with your orders!

Summer/Fall 1906 Deadline is August 30th at 7:00am my time


Supply Center Chart:


Austria:            Budapest, Serbia, Trieste, Venice, Vienna=5, Even or Build 1

England:          Edinburgh, Liverpool, London=3. Even

France:            Spain, Tunis=2, Even

Germany:         Belgium, Berlin, Brest, Denmark, Holland, Kiel, Marseilles, Munich, Paris=9, Build 1

Italy:                Naples, Rome=2, Remove 1

Russia:             Moscow, Norway, Rumania, Sevastopol, St Petersburg, Sweden, Warsaw=7, Remove 1

Turkey:            Ankara, Bulgaria, Constantinople, Greece, Smyrna=5, Build 1

Unowned:        Portugal.



R->T: I take it that we have peace now. thank you. My Fleet in Black Sea is only there to protect Rumania and to provide back up if necessary. My Fleat will not attack Turkey as long as it does not attack me or attempt to gain control of the black sea without letting me know. Thank you so much

Austria to Germany: My deepest apoligies for occuping Tryolia,  I will stay for as short a time as posible. Be assured Tyr will  never attack, or support an attack on Munich. Moved Gal-Rum.
R-A: Please I will be peaceful with you if you stop attacking Rumania and Galicia.

T => R: The Turkish government has no interest in occupying Sev, but needs to establish a F presence in BLA in order to guarantee the security of its home scs.


E->G: Assuming you did not take London this turn - it is yours in 1907.  Also, my fleet F MAO will support A Gas to Spa in the Spring, then A Spa to Por in the fall.  All that I ask in return is you leave me Lvp/Edi, and allow my fleets to stop any further Russian naval advances.  You don't want a Russian fleet in the Nth, do you?

E->A: Once I'm gone, you are going to be Russia's target.  Can't you see that?

France – Italian imposter: England remains my friend; sadly, Germany never was.


France – Italian nella realtà: I’ll keep supporting you to Mar whilst I am able. Your fleet in GoL most acceptable.

E->T: Be patient.  Austria will wake up eventually.  Hopefully, it will occur BEFORE Russia armies occupy Vienna.

T => G: It seems to me that you are very vulnerable to a stab from the East.


Germany - Russia: Sorry, lost momentum with NMR but thought I could push England out of Nth Sea.


T => E: It is the aim of the Turkish government to keep its home scs and to occupy two scs on the Balkans. It is our hope that once this is achieved the Turkish people can live in peace.


Austria to Turkey:  Truly you have done a great job dispite bad odds,  as you have taken Greece with a Fleet I will keep my word and consede  Greece to you so long as you do not place an Army there.   You can even leave it empty and I will not move there unless it is   necessary to keep another power out! Congratulations on doing so well!   Should you wish to lend a hand look for Gal, or Bud to Rum.  If you help me with Rum, I will also consede Sev to you and will  support your unit to Sev if possible. Moved Gal-Rum.
T => I: Don't use four letter words!


T => F: Please make suggestions for a collaboration of our armed forces in the Med


Austria to France: I would love to see you in Rome and/or Naples;  and will support such moves when possible. Good Luck!


T => A: Another attack on Gre will be considered a declaration of war!

R-G: Hey you got in! Support me into Norwegian Sea and lets toast the brit!



Graustark Game 2002D, Spring 1918

England (Fred Wiedemeyer – wiedem “of” F Barents Sea Supports F Norway,

 F London Hold, A Moscow Supports A Sevastopol (*Ordered to Move*), F Norway Supports A St Petersburg,

 F Norwegian Sea – Clyde, A St Petersburg Supports A Moscow.

France (Andy Lischett – andy “of” F Aegean Sea Supports F Ionian Sea –

 Eastern Mediterranean, F Brest Hold, A Bulgaria - Constantinople (*Fails*), F Greece - Ionian Sea,

 F Ionian Sea - Eastern Mediterranean, A Marseilles Hold, F Mid-Atlantic Ocean Hold, A Naples Hold, A Paris Hold,

 A Piedmont Hold, A Serbia Supports A Trieste, A Trieste Supports A Serbia, F Tunis Hold, F Tyrrhenian Sea Hold.

Germany (Michael Quirk – michaelpquirk “of” F Baltic Sea - Sweden (*Bounce*), A Berlin – Silesia, A Budapest Supports A Vienna, A Galicia - Ukraine (*Fails*), F Gulf of Bothnia - Sweden (*Bounce*),

 A Munich Hold, A Rumania - Bulgaria (*Fails*), A Sevastopol - Armenia (*Bounce*), A Silesia – Warsaw,

 A Ukraine - Sevastopol (*Fails*), A Vienna Supports A Budapest.

Russia (Harley Jordanharleyj “of” A Ankara - Armenia (*Bounce*),

 A Constantinople Hold, F Smyrna Supports A Constantinople.


DIAS Draw Failed, but Has Been Reproposed

Fall 1918 Deadline is August 30th at 7:00am my time


Graustark Diplomacy Game 2004C, Summer/Fall 1911

Germany (Dan Mathias – dcmathias “of” F English Channel - Mid-Atlantic Ocean,

 A Galicia - Ukraine (*Fails*), A Gascony Supports F Spain(sc), A Kiel – Ruhr,

 A Livonia Supports A Warsaw – Moscow, A Marseilles Supports F Spain(sc), A Munich - Tyrolia (*Fails*),

 F North Sea Convoys A Yorkshire – Norway, F Norwegian Sea - North Atlantic Ocean, A Silesia – Warsaw,

 F Spain(sc) Supports F English Channel - Mid-Atlantic Ocean (*Cut*),

 A St Petersburg Supports A Warsaw – Moscow, A Warsaw – Moscow, A Yorkshire - Norway.

Italy (Brendan Mooney – bkmooney “of” F Ionian Sea - Tunis (*Bounce*),

 F Portugal - Spain(sc) (*Fails*), A Trieste – Tyrolia, F Tyrrhenian Sea - Gulf of Lyon, A Venice – Piedmont,

 A Vienna Supports A Trieste - Tyrolia.

Russia (John Biehl – jrb “of” A Moscow Supports A Ukraine (*Disbanded*).

Turkey (Colin Bruce – CBruce “of” IWM.ORG.UK): Retreat A Galicia - Rumania.. F Aegean Sea – Greece,

 F Apulia – Naples, A Budapest Hold, F Constantinople - Aegean Sea, A Rumania Supports A Budapest,

 A Serbia Supports A Budapest, A Sevastopol Supports A Moscow, A Ukraine Supports A Moscow (*Cut*),

 F Western Mediterranean - Tunis (*Bounce*).


DIAS Proposal Fails- But Germany Wins!!

Deadline for any EOG’s you want to submit is August 30th at 7:00am


Supply Center Chart

Germany:         Belgium, Berlin, Brest, Denmark, Edinburgh, Holland, Kiel, Liverpool, London, Marseilles,

Moscow, Munich, Norway, Paris, Spain, St Petersburg, Sweden, Warsaw=18, WINS!!!

Italy:                Portugal, Rome, Trieste, Tunis, Venice, Vienna=6

Russia              None=0, OUT!!

Turkey:            Ankara, Budapest, Bulgaria, Constantinople, Greece, Naples, Rumania, Serbia,

Sevastopol, Smyrna=10



API-Berlin: The Office of the Kaiser issued the following: The recent unannounced offensive surge in the East has proven totally effective.  Those who urged capitulation and a withdrawal from all conflicts have been proven wrong.  In spite of a lack of support from supposed allies, and covert betrayal by others, Victory is Ours!  Peace will now, finally, reign, as will the Kaiser.  Deutschland uber alles! 


Munich Free Press: Singing heard in the streets: “Where were you when I needed you?, … Where were you when I wanted you?, … Where were you when I needed you?, … Where, where were you?”




Graustark Diplomacy Game 2006A, W 06

Seasons Separated By Player Request



Austria (Don Williams – dwilliams “of” Has A Bohemia, A Galicia, F Greece, A Rumania,

 A Tyrolia, A Vienna.

England (Fred Wiedemeyer – wiedem “of” Build F Liverpool, F London..Has F Liverpool,

 F London, F North Atlantic Ocean, F Norway, A Paris, F Picardy, F St Petersburg(nc).

France (Hank Alme – almehj “of” Has F Portugal.

Germany (Harley Jordanharleyj “of” Disbands A Gascony, Builds A Berlin, A Kiel..Has

 F Baltic Sea, A Berlin, A Burgundy, A Kiel, A Munich, A Prussia, A Silesia.

Italy (Jim Burgess – jfburgess “of” Has A Bulgaria, F Gascony, F Gulf of Lyon, A Marseilles,

 F Mid-Atlantic Ocean, A Spain, F Western Mediterranean.

Russia (John Biehl – jrb “of” Has A Armenia, A Constantinople, F Ionian Sea, A Moscow,

 A Ukraine, A Warsaw.


A/E/G/I/R Draw Has Been Proposed

Spring 1907 Deadline is August 30th at 7:00am my time




By Popular Demand


Credit goes to Ryk Downes, I believe, for inventing this.  The goal is to pick something that fits the category and will be the "most popular" answer. You score points based on the number of entries that match yours. For example, if the category is "Cats" and the responses were 7 for Persian, 3 for Calico and 1 for Siamese, everyone who said Persian would get 7 points, Calico 3 and the lone Siamese would score 1 point. The cumulative total over 10 rounds will determine the overall winner. Anyone may enter at any point, starting with an equivalent point total of the lowest cumulative score from the previous round. If a person misses a round, they'll receive the minimum score from the round added to their cumulative total. In each round you may specify one of your answers as your Joker answer.  Your score for this answer will be doubled.  In other words, if you apply your Joker to category 3 on a given turn, and 4 other people give the same answer as you, you get 10 points instead of 5.  Players who fail to submit a Joker for any specific turn will have their Joker automatically applied to the first category. And, if you want to submit some commentary with your answers, feel free to.  The game will consist of 10 rounds.  A prize will be awarded to the winner.  Research is permitted!


Round 10 Categories

1. Something children hate to do.

2. A Charlton Heston film.

3. Another word for “friend.”

4. A musical duo.

5. An emotion.


Congrats to Robin for the high score of the round, but the Duck was out of reach…Don Williams takes the victory lap!  I’ll be in touch about your choices of prize, Don.


Selected Comments By Category:


Children Hate to Do – Robin ap Cynan “…or it might have been eat their greens.”


Charlton Heston – Rick Desper “Personally I love "Touch of Evil", especially for the horrible Mexican accent, but we've got to go with the Apes here.”  Jim Burgess “I really want to say Planet of the Apes.”  Jason Bergmann “By the way, does Bowling for Columbine count as a Heston film?”  Brad Wilson “The best Heston film is unquestionably Touch of Evil, with Orson Welles, Janet Leigh and Marlene Dietrich, but, like last month, few would have seen it. Planet of the Apes maybe ...”


Friend – Per WestlingIn these Facebook times, I would say that acquaintance is a good synonym for friend.”  Robin ap Cynan “..but it was nearly pal.”

Duo – Jim BurgessHall and Oates have actually sold the most records.  I googled it (hah!). “  Robin ap Cynan “Sadly not my favourite: Pet Shop Boys.”


Emotion – Robin ap Cynan “I nearly put Schadenfreude, but I suspected that your mainly US players might not get it.”


New Game Starts NOW!


Round 1 Categories – Deadline is August 30th at 7:00am my time

1. A hockey team.

2. A bank.

3. A movie featuring Henry Fonda.

4. An unusual pet.

5. An event where many people take photographs.




Eternal Sunshine Movie Quote Contest


There are ten rounds of movie quotes, and each round consists of ten quotes.  Anyone may enter at any point, starting with an equivalent point total of the lowest cumulative score from the previous round. If a person misses a round, they'll receive the minimum score from the round added to their cumulative total. If you want to submit some commentary with your answers, feel free to.  The game will consist of 10 rounds.  A prize will be awarded to the winner – and it might be a very good prize!  Research is not permitted!  That means NO RESEARCH OF ANY KIND, not just no searches for the quotes themselves.  The only legal “research” is watching movies to try and locate quotes.”  Try to avoid the temptation to Google the quotes.  I’m doing many of the quotes from memory anyway, so you won’t necessarily be able to find them by direct search…so don’t try!  Each round will also contain one bonus point, which is awarded if you can tell me what the ten movies being quoted have in common.


Looks like this round was much harder than I expected!  See after Round Nine’s quotes for ideas I have to change the way the next 10-round game will work.


Round Eight


#1. Took your advice, went to a doctor about this ear. He says 'You have an ear infection, ten dollars please'. So I says 'I told you I had an ear infection, you give me ten dollars!' Well that started an argument.  Barton Fink.  The Odd Couple - PR


#2. Man, if my fucking ex-wife asked me to take care of her fucking dog while she and her boyfriend went to Honolulu I'd tell her to go fuck herself.  The Big Lebowski, Correct - JB.  As Good as It Gets – AL.  Casino – PR.


#3. Well, high heels make walking very, very difficult. So you see, nothing would be more attractive to a man than a woman wearing fishnet stockings and high heels because she has trouble walking and she's imprisoned within this net and therefore he thinks she's easy prey. Interview.


#4. What they need, these women, is a good old-fashioned horse-fuck. They can buy all the new panties they want, but they get stained, don't they? Stained panties are part of life no matter how hard you wipe. Romance and Cigarettes.  Bad Lieutenant – PR.


#5. A man tells his stories so many times that he becomes the stories. They live on after him, and in that way he becomes immortal.  Big Fish, Correct - JB.  National Treasure – PR.


#6. That piece is entitled "Mirror, Father, Mirror." I like to show it to people that I'm meeting for the first time because I feel it says so much about who I am and what it feels like to inhabit my specific skin.   Ghost World, Correct - PR.


#7. I coulda been somebody, instead of just an ice cream truck driver, which is what I am, let's face it. Trees Lounge.


#8. I despise rapists. For me, you're somewhere between a cockroach and that white stuff that accumulates at the corner of your mouth when you're really thirsty. But, in your case, I'll make an exception.  Con Air, Correct – PR, JB.


#9. I know the presidents' chief scientific advisor, we were at MIT together. And, in a situation like this, you really don't want to take the advice from a man who got a C minus in astrophysics.  Armageddon, Correct – PR, JB.


#10. You know, lately I've been lying awake at night thinking of all the dumb-ass things I've done when i was messed up. One night last year, at dinner, I threw up all over my glazed ham. Then I was thinking, "Well, maybe nobody noticed."  28 Days, Correct - JB.  Leaving Las Vegas – PR.


Bonus: What do all these films have in common? Steve Buscemi appears in all of them, Correct - JB.  Nicholas Cage is involved with all of them – PR.


Scores: BW – Brendan Whyte (0 + 2 = 2), DM – Dane Maslen (0 + 6 = 6), PV - Pat Vogelsang (0 + 55 = 55), RD – Rick Desper (0 + 21 = 21), PR – Paraic Reddington (3 + 18 = 21), AL – Andy Lischett (0 + 15 = 15), AY – Andy York (0 + 4 = 4), JB – Jim-Bob Burgess (6 + 58 = 64), JM – Jack McHugh (0 + 33 = 33), DW – Don Williams (0 + 9 = 9), KW – Kevin Wilson (0 + 15 = 15), MH – Melinda Holley (0 + 0 = 0), RL – Robert Lesco (0 + 4 = 4).

Round Nine


#1. We are very fortunate to have such snowy ground here. It is often the parchment on which the criminal unwittingly writes his autograph.


#2. It's the wail of the banshee, the same as I heard the night Katie's mother was taken!


#3. Only two kinds of people are gonna stay on this beach: those that are already dead and those that are gonna die. Now get off your butts.


#4. How about 5,000 words on why you should stay the fuck out of my house!


#5. Mom! Dad! It's evil! Don't touch it!


#6. Now, on the matter of motive, we ask you: Why did you conceive, plan and execute this dastardly and scandalous crime?


#7. We're going to teach you soldiering, the world's noblest profession. When we're done with you, you'll be able to slaughter your enemies like civilized men.


#8. World domination. The same old dream. Our asylums are full of people who think they're Naploeon. Or God.


#9. What you taught me was that I was less important to you than people who had been dead for five hundred years in another country.


#10. I'm not an agent, I just write books for the CIA.


Bonus: What do all these films have in common?


Deadline for your answers to Round 9: August 30th at 7:00am my time


Next game (after Round 10 of this one ends) I am going to change the scoring: I’m going to give 3 points to the first place score for the turn, 2 for 2nd place, and 1 for 3rd.  Ties will be mutually awarded (3 people tied for 2nd will get 2 points each).  This should keep scores closer as the game goes on, and one really bad round won’t hurt much.  New players that enter late in that game will begin with 0.  In that game I will also sometimes have quotes which are lines spoken between characters (more than one person speaking in the quote).



General Deadline for the Next Issue of Eternal Sunshine:  August 30th, 2010 at 7:00am my time

See You Then!