Eternal Sunshine #45

October 2010

By Douglas Kent 911 Irene Drive, Mesquite, TX  75149

Email: doug of or diplomacyworld of

On the web at – or go directly to the Diplomacy section at  Also be sure to visit the official Diplomacy World website which can be found at  Also remember to check out for official Toby the Helpful Kitty news, advice column, blog, and links to all his available merchandise!  Links to many of the books and DVDs reviewed can be found by clicking on the Amazon Store button in the main menu of the Whining Kent Pigs website.  Or go to where women can learn all the secrets of how a man’s mind works, and why they act the way they do.

All Eternal Sunshine readers are encouraged to join the free Eternal Sunshine Yahoo group at to stay up-to-date on any subzine news or errata.  We also have our own Eternal Sunshine Twitter feed at, and a Facebook group at!/group.php?gid=112223650909

Quote Of The Month“Come back and make up a good-bye at least. Let's pretend we had one.” (Clementine in “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”)


Welcome to Eternal Sunshine, the only Diplomacy zine which seems to populate its household solely with black animals.  Yes, thanks to all of you who sent well wishes: Kayza has arrived and seems to be fitting in quite well, all things considered.  For those who missed the last issue, Kayza (pronounced like Asia with a K in front) is a nine-year-old female black lab who we adopted from a military family being relocated to Hawaii.  They’d had Kayza since she was a puppy, but felt she wouldn’t be able to properly handle the long trip, the mandatory quarantine, or the change in lifestyle.  I have a feeling that they would have TRIED to ring her along if they couldn’t find a family willing to adopt her…especially one they felt they could trust to love her as much as they did.  But I guess we made them feel comfortable enough, and now that the husband has returned from Iraq, they are preparing for the next move. 


Bringing a BIG (100 pounds…yes, she’s big boned) dog into a house where two cats who probably have never lived with a dog before roam freely was a bit of a challenge.  We were more than a little apprehensive about how Toby and Sanka would react to Kayza.  I wouldn’t say they’re good friends or anything yet, but it was a very delightful surprise to find that fascination was the primary reaction.  Of course there was the expected nervousness and distrust; Toby hisses at Kayza now and then, and on the rare occasions that she barks the cats run for high ground…but Kayza is a very sweet and submissive girl.  She doesn’t have that much interest in the cats at all, except when Heather is giving them attention or when Toby is sleeping in Heather’s lap.  Yes…Kayza is a major attention hog.  She’s fine laying on the floor, or chewing on a tennis ball, but when somebody else is getting love, she wants her fair share too…or more than her fair share, if in any way possible.


Actually, Kayza does what she can to spend most of her day wherever Heather is.  She follows Heather from room to room; if she wasn’t so used to her name after none years, we would rename her Shadow, because to Heather that’s what she has become: another shadow.  But you should see Heather and Kayza playing together.  Heather had many dogs in her younger years, and I don’t think she completely realized how much she missed having one until Kayza came into our lives.


The plan originally was to adopt two senior dogs at a time.  But Kayza doesn’t seem interested in other dogs, and her size reminds us that this house isn’t that big.  It’s fine for us, but too small for a larger family.  So we think it might be best simply to spoil Kayza for the rest of her life before looking into another dog.  Heather says that if we decide to do more than one dog someday, she’d prefer it be two senior dogs from the same household.  Senior dogs are hard to find homes for in the first place; everybody wants a puppy.  But two friends or siblings?  That is a nearly impossible task.  So to be able to give them some years of comfort when their lives are in turmoil would be a wonderful thing.  But that’s the future.  For the present, it’s Toby, Sanka, and Kayza.  That’s plenty.  Besides, Sanka doesn’t have enough extra time in her day to stare at any other dogs…her fascination with Kayza is enough to keep her busy.


In zine news…well, I’m not sure what will be in this issue.  I hope to see Andy York return, but his life has been so busy lately anything could happen at the last minute.  I was down most of today with a terrible migraine (I need to go see a neurologist), so as of this moment I haven’t written anything personal to include, and that means it is unlikely I will.  Thanks to the few readers who commented on my Open Letter last issue.  Maybe it was too dramatic to elicit more responses.  I always appreciate the feedback.


As a matter of fact, I’ve submitted two works (one unpublished short story, and one slightly-reworked personal essay from ES) to some literary journals for possible publication (and so far received one rejection).  I’ll let you know if anything is going to see print.  Work has been very stressful lately, so I haven’t had much free time to edit my book project.  And with October 1st coming up, I’ve had the next issue of Diplomacy World divert my attention as well.  At least that’s only four times a year!


Oh, and the root canal is finished and came out fine.  The dentist actually had to order a set of root canal files from a veterinary supply company in order to get ones long enough to properly complete the job…and they arrived the afternoon of my appointment!  His usual supplier (which has both a dentist and veterinary division) wouldn’t sell them to him because he doesn’t have a veterinary license!  So he had to find someone else.  But all’s well that ends well.  No more pain, and with the abscess gone my other major tooth pain has also subsided, leading me to believe – as I suspected – that it was simply caused by the infection and nerve inflammation.


For those of you who didn’t participate in the Movie Quote Quiz, I hope you take a look at the new game that starts this issue.  The scoring rules are much different, so even if you only know one or two of the quotes you have a shot to earn some points.  But remember: RESEARCH IS NOT PERMITTED!!  Well, except for actually watching movies to see if a quote is contained in it.


Meanwhile, I’d like to get the Gunboat and Diplomacy games filled, so if you’re not in a bunch of games already, or a few have ended recently, think about signing up.  I could also use suggestions for variant openings, as none of the ones I’ve listed recently have generated more than one or two hits.  I mean, if nobody wants to play variants, that’s fine…but if any demand is there, I’d like to give them a go.


That’s about it for this month.  See you at the end of the month…which means my birthday, our anniversary, and Halloween (the latter two sharing the same date, of course).  Gifts (or bribes to the GM) are always encouraged!  5 or 10 pounds of Godiva Chocolate or Maple Sugar Candy would be a good start.


The Month’s Playlist: Greatest Hits (3 CD Import) – Steve Miller Band; Stairwells – Kina Grannis; Lonely Runs Both Ways - Alison Krauss and Union Station; The Isle of Dreaming – Kate Price; Soundtrack - American Wake.



Hypothetical of the Month

Last month, we gave you these two hypotheticals: #1 – Your neighbor offers to let you splice into his Cable TV free of charge.  Do you take him up on his offer?  #2 – Your family dog is unfriendly and doesn’t respond to training.  You are going to surrender him to the pound.  Do you tell your 5-year-old daughter the truth, or make up a “feel good” story?


Melinda Holley - #1 - No.  If I'm going to hell for stealing, I'd prefer it be for more than a stolen cable signal.


#2 - This is why I'd never have a pet.  Well, I don't have a child either...  [[Cop out.  This is HYPOTHETICAL]]


Andy York - #1 - Nope, not interested.


#2 - As you know, I wouldn't have a dog in the first place - and the chance of having a kid is pretty remote at this point in my life. So, this is a moot question.  [[Cop out.  This is HYPOTHETICAL.]]


Tom Howell - #1 - No. For a variety of reasons, some ethical some practical. The ethics should be obvious: the neighbor is inviting you to steal from a third party. At the practical level, first are the consequences of getting caught, and lastly, we neither have nor want a television.

#2 - The truth, always the truth. Which begs the real question: What should one do with a problem dog? Better in my opinion to put down the dog than give him to someone else to deal with. And the kid still gets the truth. Not much erodes trust and relationships faster than dishonesty. Of course, I'd try to explain the what and why as gently as possible.


Rohan Keane - #1 Hell yes. Free is free and I never knock back free stuff.

#2 - The poor thing must have run away. No point traumatizing the kids.


Phil Murphy - #1 - No. There's very little on Cable that I'd watch anyhow. If there was, I'd wait for the DVD.

#2 -
Truth rather than white lies. But I'd try and break it gently.


Don Williams - #1 - Free cable?  No.  This isn’t even to quibble about.  It’s theft.  You have a sniveling thief for a friend.  Really, you should grow a spine and report the son of a bitch.  Or at least hang out with a higher clas of people. Or at least a higher class of thief.


#2 - Five years old?  She gets the feel good story.  What’s the point of telling her the truth at that age?  Of course, this is another of these questions that begs for more info.  Is the kid mature or not?  Experienced previous loss or not?  Have older brothers and sisters that might tell the truth right away or not.  But … in the absence of that info, it’s feel good story all the way.


Heather Taylor - #1.  No.  It’s theft, and I’d be too paranoid that I would get caught anyway.  What goes around comes around.


#2 – It would be a tough call, but I would tlel the truth.  I’d also use this as a way to emphasize why we don’t approach strange dogs. 

For Next Month (For the time being, I am selecting questions from the game “A Question of Scruples” which was published in 1984 by High Games Enterprises.  The word Scruples is also being used as a secret this issue).  Remember you can make your answers as detailed as you wish.:  #1 – You sell cars and stand to make a healthy commission from a young man who wants to buy an expensive sports model.  The payments will take most of his salary.  Do you discourage him from spending so much?  #2 – You discover that your mate is infertile.  You really want children of your own.  Do you leave your mate?



The Dining Dead -
The Eternal Sunshine Movie Reviews


Get Low -  Robert Duvall has a history over the last few decades of selecting some lower-profile but well-crafted characters and films.  Some, like The Apostle, were projects he championed and organized himself.  I don’t believe Get Low came to life the same way, but it still shows Duvall’s eclectic and inspiring character work has not lost a step in his later years.


Supposedly based in part on a true story, Get Low features a strong cast and a litany of interesting characters.  Duvall plays Felix Bush, an elderly hermit living in rural Tennessee in the 1930’s.  For years Bush has been the local bogeyman, about whom stories are spun by children and adults alike.  He rarely - if ever - leaves his cabin and surrounding forest, except to chase away local children who have dared each other to throw rocks at his windows.


The local pastor arrives one day to let Bush know that an old friend has passed away, with little noticeable reaction from Bush.  But this sudden realization that his own days are numbered pushes him into action.  Traveling into town, he visits the church and asks the pastor to arrange a funeral party for him, where people can come and tell any stories they’ve heard about him.  The catch, of course, is that Bush is still alive, and wants to attend.  The pastor refuses, despite the wad of “hermit money” Bush shows him.


By coincidence, while Bush is at the church, Buddy (best known as young Frank Wheatley in Sling Blade; another film with a memorable Duvall appearance) and his family arrive.  As it happens, Buddy works as a clerk for struggling local undertaker Frank Quinn (Bill Murray, in an understated and very amusing performance).  When Buddy mentions he knows of someone looking for a funeral, Quinn takes advantage and directs Buddy to “move into sales” and try to negotiate the deal with this mysterious and generally frightening character.


While Quinn is a bit of a salesman-style con artist, never looking to steal but always looking to sell, it soon becomes apparent that nobody can be sure who is doing the selling and who is being led.  Bush has a way of getting people to do as he pleases, without actually directing their actions.  But the funeral party is of great importance to the lonely old man, and plans move ahead, including newspaper ads and a $5 drawing where the winner will receive Bush’s home and all his pristine timberland upon his actual death.


Sissy Spacek appears as Mattie Darrow, a widow who is friends with Quinn but who clearly has a past with Bush, before his days as a hermit.  As Bush describes it to Buddy and Quinn when asked, “We had a go.”  This moves the spotlight onto his younger days, and the possible reasons why he is so anxious to hold this funeral party.


The plot itself is not particularly strong, but the characters and performances are what make Get Low a very enjoyable film.  You are almost immediately enveloped by the depression-era town and Bush’s homestead, and losing yourself in the characters and their actions is quite effortless.  Buddy serves as the moral center for the action; he wants to give Bush what he wants, but only in so far as he feels comfortable.  Bush and Buddy seem to find an immediate connection, and it is Buddy with whom he bonds and puts his trust when trust is needed.


The climax of the film was, to me, a bit of a weak finish.  But at the same time, the way the plot plays out and the direction of Aaron Schneider keeps the audience from viewing that as the point of the film.  Instead, the journey is the purpose; learning more about these characters, developing them from the cardboard sterotypes to real people with conflicting beliefs and goals. 


Initially only in art houses, I now see Get Low has moved on to some national chains, so you shouldn’t have too much trouble finding it in your area.  Skip the cartoons and robots and flying bullets for a week and travel back to a quieter time populated by human beings.  And you’ll probably see Duvall on the Oscar list this year.


Seen on DVD – Ned Kelley (C, I really felt nothing for any of the characters involved, and I felt Heath Ledger’s acting was subpar).



You Don't Know Me

The Eternal Sunshine Interview


This month’s initial candidate, and my backup, both were unavailable.  Fortunately the lovely and talented Karen Friedman stepped in to fill the void!


What is your name: Karen Friedman

What is your astrological sign: Capricorn

How old are you (exact or approximate): 41 until December

What is your earliest childhood memory: Our apartment in Brooklyn- 3 years old

Describe your immediate family (present day): My partner Kika and 2 step kids, ages 16 and 12

What do you do for a living: Quality Improvement in the areas of

Mental health and substance abuse for an agency that works with children and adolescents

Where were you born: NY, NY

What did you want to be when you were growing up: A writer


Douglas Kent - So you wanted to be a writer growing up. Did you ever try to make that a reality, or attempt to get anything published?

Karen Friedman - I wrote a few very short novellas but quickly branched into other areas. I had a very strong need for a steady paycheck and consistency- so if someone gave me a salary to write, I would have done more of that. Instead, I channelled the same creativity into weekend projects- stained glass, animations, etc.


Douglas Kent - Quality Improvement seems a very technical term. Could you describe for us what you actually do all day (without making it seem like a scene from Office Space)?

Karen Friedman - I write policies, responsible for agency accreditations and licensures. The agency website, a food quality program (residential facilities feed kids), trainings, file reviews. I basically go from program to program trouble shooting and working with them to improve their functions. Last week, for example, I made a cartoon animation because the kids in one of the program's are developmentally disabled and didn't have the ability to understand our youth handbook. So, while quality improvement sounds dry- there is a lot of room for creativity.


Douglas Kent - What pushed you in the direction of mental health and substance abuse, or was that simply what was available for you at the time?

Karen Friedman - In college, I found Sociology and everything made sense (how the world works, how people behave) but I had no interest in being in academic. Like you, I had a pretty messed up childhood (early death of mother and aunts, several blended step families, parent with a personality disorder) and I was also depressed as a child. So depressed, they actually thought I was retarded. In Jr. High, puberty, like many depressed children- those hormones actually helped me. Without the depression, I was suddenly....different. I caught up on all the school work and was suddenly "bright". They actually gave me an award in Junior High for going from basic to honors in three years. Mr. Schaffer asked me what anyone might have said that turned me around- and that question followed me my whole life. So there I was, loving sociology, but wanting to apply it. Social Work became the answer. Also, I was only 21 when I got my BA and didn't feel ready to be fully adult- so I got my MSW first :)

Douglas Kent - You've always been very creative. What has been your most ambitious project that you were able to complete?


Karen Friedman - My most ambitious projects- I taught myself websites and cartoon animations...and stained glass....and I put down all the flooring in my house. Basically, since I was a child, I have enjoyed finding something of interest, teaching myself to do it, and then trying to master it. So I have projects in so many areas, I have a hard time choosing.


Douglas Kent - What about your love of motorcycles? I've seen your photos, so I know you must enjoy riding. What kind or kinds do you own? Take any long trips that way?

Karen Friedman - I own a Harley Sportster 1200- I also have a Yamaha V Star, but my partner rides it now. I am actually being highlighted this month by Tallahassee Woman- it's about my motorcycle group- the Chrome Divas and our Breast Cancer charity work. It should be coming out Oct 1.

Douglas Kent - That's quite a commendation to be featured in Tallahassee Woman. Why don't you give us some details on the charity work they do?


Karen Friedman - The Chrome Divas is a national organization- I am an Officer with the local chapter. The group is women who ride and do charity. Our big event is the Breast Cancer Poker run. We have raised over $180,000 for local Tallahassee groups. One of the coolest things we do: Post mastectomy- and every three years thereafter, women who have had mastectomy need bras and prosthesis- we are able to fully fund 60 women per year ($1000 per person)- we cover everything they need. What is so awesome is that these are women here in our community and we can make this work for them. It's one thing to give money to some huge group with salaries, etc- this is funding going to the woman down the street who can't afford what she needs and here it is for her.

Douglas Kent - Is it true that you knew Doug back in high school? Do you think he is about the same now as he was back then?

Can you give us three reasons you never dated him?


Karen Friedman - I knew Doug back in high school and I think he, like all of us, is essentially the same as he is now, but, has the love and support that everybody needs. Three reasons I never dated him:

1. He was in a long term relationship
2. Note: I am a lesbian
3. Oh yeah, that pesky lesbian thing. If we did date, we would have been extremely good friends, because that was the hallmark of all my relationships with men anyway.


Douglas Kent - Do you find acceptance (in general) in the Talahassee area being in a lesbian partnership?

Karen Friedman – Tallahassee is accepting, yes.

Douglas Kent - Do you have any special secrets to how you've kept yourself looking so good and so young? I know you're more fit now at this stage of your life, but honestly you still look like you're in your early 20's facially.

Karen Friedman - All exercise and diet- not much of a secret ;)

Douglas Kent - Is it true that you CHOSE to be a lesbian, and that this choice was specifically to avoid dating Doug?

Karen Friedman - Hmmm, I don't recall Doug being all that into me.....

Douglas Kent - Let's move on to a few light topics to wind things down...first of all, how about five of your favorite albums currently (they can be recent or old...we're not young enough in our age bracket to call them anything but albums).


Karen Friedman - Pink Floyd, The Wall; The Beatles, Sergeant Pepper’s; The Cure, Standing at the Beach Staring at the Sea; ok go, ok go; Modest Mouse, Good News for People Who Love Bad News

But, to be honest, in the past 10 few years I have become enamored with music over the internet. I never buy albums, I get my music online, so I buy different songs, never the albums.....


Douglas Kent - Okay then, let's get 5 of your favorite songs of the moment as well.  And while we're at it, your five favorite films of the last 10 years...and your five favorite books of the last ten years!


Karen Friedman - Songs of the moment: Metric- Help I'm Alive; White Rabbit- Percussion Gun; Vampire Weekend- White Sky; Temper Trap- Sweet Disposition; Phoenix- Lasso.

Favorite Films: Inception, The 6th sense, Gattica, Juno, Royal Tennenbaums

Books: Wicked (Gregory Maguire); Water for Elephants (Sara Gruen); The curious incident of the dog in the night (Mark Haddon), Me Talk Pretty One Day (David Sedaris), The Truth Machine (Halperin).


Douglas Kent - Anything else you'd like to tell our unworthy readership?


Karen Friedman - Can't think of a thing.


So how about some of you readers give me nominees or contacts for future interviews?


Meet Me In Montauk
The Eternal Sunshine Letter Column


Andy York: The "You Don't Know Me" bit was interesting - keep it!


[[I’ll do so as long as I can continue finding people to interview!]]


Kevin Wilson: In By Popular Demand, I almost said On Golden Pond for #3.  It was a toss up between that and It’s a Wonderful Life.  I guessed wrong.  Way wrong.  For the event, a wedding occurred to me but for some reason I thought it was prohibited.  Where I got that, I haven’t a clue.  That’s an awful big deficit to close.  At least we have 9 more rounds.


Martin Burgdorf: Comment on the last category in By Popular Demand…the same category appeared already in Eternal Sunshine 8: “A planet in our galaxy other than Earth.”  I made then the comment that no planet is known outside of our Galaxy, but this was never printed.


[[Well that’s a different category then, isn’t it?  This time Earth is included.  And the Galaxy part I put in because I didn’t want people giving fictional planets…but they are permitted this time.]]


Paraic Reddington: A note to Paul Milewski on the art (or lack thereof) of polite communication:

Paul, you are absolutely correct. With the relentless pursuit of candour and 'plainspeak'* in general communication, civility seems to have disappeared. 'Please' and 'thank you' have gone the way of 'I should be very grateful' and 'if you would be much appreciated'. Even the simple 'Yours faithfully' or 'Yours sincerely' were abbreviated to just 'Yours' and now are often left out (or who knows maybe even replaced with 'Up yours'). Nowadays you are more likely to see 'Please find enclosed...' replaced with 'Here's the...'.

I used to work in a bank and was frequently called on to write those wordy epistles that usually start with 'To whom it may concern'. On one occasion I intended to write "Please drop the enclosed paperwork in at your convenience." I instead wrote "Please drop the enclosed paperwork in to your convenience.". I'm not sure quite what that paperwork was actually used for!

I apologise if my abrupt message offended you. You were a single center power that was quite frankly in my way and needed to be snuffed out. But courtesy is for the weak and remorse is the refuge of the simple mind. So to quote The Wolf "If I'm curt with you it's because time is a factor. I think fast, I talk fast and I need you guys to act fast if you wanna get out of this. So, pretty please... with sugar on top. Clean the fucking car."

In my own defense, seeing as my communique was in binary I was forced to keep it short. And at least I did include a 'please'!  ;-)

*That's not a real word but it should be. I think it's a perfectly cromulent word.


Dane Maslen: At last I've been able to get round to reading ES.  I hope all is going well with Kayza.  She sounds like the sort of dog I appreciate.

You tooth sounds like the canine to me.  Starting from the middle we have:

2 incisors (just one cutting edge)
1 canine (the pointy one)
2 pre-molars (the fairly large ones with two cutting edges)
2 or 3 molars (the huge ones with two cutting edges)

I say '2 or 3' because the wisdom tooth doesn't always put in an appearance.  My mouth has only 28 teeth rather than the full complement of 32 as all my wisdom teeth have decided not to appear, which is just as well really as my mouth is already too full.  Of course one does get exceptions to the rule.  When I was a child I had an extra tooth - it was essentially triangular - between by two top incisors.  I'm a mutant!

I've now got as far as the open letter.  I hope your other readers also persisted past the initial puzzlement.  It was a very interesting story.

[[Thanks Dane, feedback – positive or negative – is always welcome!]]


William Wood: Fun in Kabul?  Here's something I think you will find interesting.  We use glue traps to keep the mice/rats in check around our living quarters.  I now LOVE glue traps.  I had no idea we shared space with cobras.  They get angry!!!


[[I hear they make great pets.  You just have to train them properly.  They like to cuddle when you sleep too.  Give it a try.  If it doesn’t work out, you can always consider Cobra Stew.  If you use a slow-cooker, thems good eatin’!]]


by Richard Walkerdine


Johnny, feeling life a bore,

Drank some H2SO4,

Johnny’s father, an MD,

Gave him CaCO3,

Now he’s neutralised, ‘tis true,

But he’s full of CO2!


(Translation: Sulphuric Acid plus Calcium Carbonate produces a lot of Carbon Dioxide)


[[This reminds me of the elementary school poem we used to say:


Johnny was a noisy child

But now he cries no more.

For what he thought was H2O

Was H2SO4.]]





by Richard Walkerdine


A young Italian girl is going out on a date. Her grandma happens to be visiting that day and is a bit concerned because the girl is very young and a bit naive, so she decides to give her some advice.


(Author’s note: attempt at Italian accent follows)


“Ah Clarissa,” says grandma, “when-a you go out-a on this-a date you gotta be-a careful. This-a boy he will-a try and kiss you, and-a you gotta say no! And-a he will-a try and put-a his hand on your breast, and-a you gotta say no! And-a he will-a try and get on top of you and-a make-a love to you, and-a you gotta say say no because-a if you don’t-a say no it will-a bring-a shame on your whole-a family!”


(Author’s note: attempt at Italian accent is now ended)


Clarissa takes her grandma’s advice very seriously and promises to be careful.


Next day grandma is visiting again and takes Clarissa to one side to find out how she got on.


“Oh grandma,” says Clarissa, “it was great. I really enjoyed myself. And I remembered what you said and you were absolutely right. He did try to kiss me and I said ‘no’. He did try to put his hand on my breast and I said ‘no’. And he did try to get on top of me and make love to me and I said ‘no, it will bring shame on my whole family’.”


Grandma is looking really pleased.


Then Clarissa adds, “And then grandma I had this great idea. I rolled him over, I got on top of him, and I brought shame on his family!”


Grandma fainted.

Brain Farts: The Only Subsubzine With It’s Own Fragrance

By Jack “Flapjack” McHugh –

(or just email Doug and he’ll send it to me)

Issue #23




Still looking for a job, trying to keep my house for as long as I can, struggling with personal relationships….so don’t expect much out of me, sports fans.  I might even take next issue off.  I’m not going to run this Adult game again, or if I do it won’t be for a few issues.


Adults’-Only By Popular Demand

The players so far: Heather Taylor (HT), Mark D Lew (MDL), Martin Burgdorf (MB), John David Galt (JDG), Kevin Wilson (KW), Paraic Reddington (PR), Michael Moulton (MM), Bill Brown (BB), Brendan Whyte (BW), William Wood (WW), Rohan Keane (RK).


Round 10 Categories – the LAST Round:

1.     Number of women a man has had sex with in his lifetime.  10 – HT, PR. 7 – MB.  9 – RK, KW.  12 – BW.

2.     Worst thing about the vagina.  Smell – HT, MB.  Blood – RK.  Lack of availability on demand – PR.  It comes with a woman attached – KW.  Taste – BW.

3.     Sexiest color.  Red – HT, KW.  Pink – MB, PR, BW.  White – RK.

4.     Something rude to call a woman to her face.  Cunt – HT, KW.  Bitch – MB.  Man – RK.  Swamp Donkey – PR.  Whore – BW.

5.     A job women should not have.  Combat Soldier – HT.  President – MB.  Male Prostitute – RK.  Valet Parking Attendant – PR.  Jock Strap Model – KW.  Blow – BW.


Final Scores: Martin Burgdorf (MB) – 143, Michael Moulton (MM) – 131, Heather Taylor (HT) - 129, Kevin Wilson (KW) – 127, Mark D Lew (MDL) - 123, Brendan Whyte (BW) – 117, Paraic Reddington (PR) - 117, Bill Brown (BB) – 111, William Wood (WW) – 85, Rohan Keane [RK] – 80, John David Galt (JDG) – 80.


Martin Burgdorf runs away with the win.  Nobody else was really close.  Good for you Martin.  Too bad you have offended every woman on the planet in the process.


Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land." 

Nearly 75 years ago (when Welfare was introduced) we told the nation, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land." 

Now the government has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of Camels, and mortgaged the Promised Land!   I was so depressed last night thinking about Health Care Plans, the economy, the wars, all my lost jobs, no savings, Social Security going broke, my car falling apart, my marriage in tatters. . .  I called the Suicide Hotline.  I got a freakin' call centre in Pakistan!  I told them I was suicidal. 

They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.


A Jewish man is walking on the beach when he discovers a bottle containing a genie. He rubs it and a genie comes out, promises to grant him one wish. He says, "Peace in the Middle East, that's my wish." The genie looks concerned, then says, "No, I'm sorry, that's just not possible. Some things just can't be changed. Do you have another wish?" The guy says, “Well, for my whole life I've never received oral sex from my wife. That would be my wish." The genie pauses for another moment and then says, "How would you define peace?"




A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. While driving home from the dealer she cuts off a semi, almost driving off a cliff. The driver furiously motions for her to pull over and she does. The driver gets out and draws a circle in the dust and tells her that she can't move or he will kill her. Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats. He turns around and sees that she's smiling. So he goes back to his truck and gets a baseball bat and starts smashing the windows and denting her car. He looks over and sees that she's laughing. He's really mad now so he takes his knife and slashes her tires. He looks back to see that the blonde is laughing so hard she's about to fall over. He demands, what is so funny? She takes a deep breath and says, "Every time you weren't looking I stepped out of the circle."



Using Excel’s LINEST function for Simple Linear Regression

by Paul Milewski


For purposes of illustration, I am using 10 pairs of independent (X) and dependent (Y) variables which I put in the first two columns of an Excel worksheet, with a heading for each one in case you can’t figure out which is which:


As neatly explained in Wikipedia, “in regression analysis, a dummy variable (also known as indicator variable or just dummy) is one that takes the values 0 or 1 to indicate the absence or presence of some categorical effect that may be expected to shift the outcome.”  It is in the nature of a “yes-or-no” evaluation of something: on-or-off, male-or-female, drug-or-placebo, etc.  Excel 2007 “Help” tells you that the equation for the line is y = mx + b.   I’m sort of a dinosaur and set in my ways and would prefer y = a + bx, but I’ll stick with what Excel 2007 Help uses to try to avoid any unnecessary confusion.  Actually, to be a purist, there should be an error term, often symbolized by the Greek letter epsilon, but that’s like saying the integral of 2X is X2 plus a constant. 


I am going to arbitrarily choose cell A13 in which to put the LINEST function.  The LINEST function is of the form: LINEST(y’s, x’s, “true” to calculate the y-intercept b instead of forcing it to be 0, “true” to return more than just the two regression coefficients m and b).  So, in our case, it would look like:





At this point, only “0.34” appears in cell A13.  Now, highlight cells A13:B17, hit the function key F2 and then hold down the “Ctrl” and “Shift” keys while you hit the “Enter” key.



The values of m and b are in cells A13 and B13, respectively, so your regression equation (using the format favored by Excel Help) looks like y = .34x + 2.74 and describes a line intercepting the y-axis at (0, 2.74) with a slope of .34 (although there’s really no point in graphing this, as we’re using a dummy variable and the graph will look silly).


What you should do next, before anything else, is to check to see if the observed linear relationship between X and Y is statistically significant.  That is, whether the observed changes in Y as X changes may be attributable to chance (we just happened to pick these 10 samples or make these 10 observations of X and Y out of two “populations” of X and Y such that knowing X is useless in predicting what the value of Y will be)?


In cell A16 is the F value 1.133333333 and the degrees of freedom 8 (Excel Help really cuts corners here: there are two degrees of freedom for the F value.  With simple linear regression, the first one is equal to 1, the second is equal to 8; I guess Excel Help just assumes we know this).[1]


The traditional approach (based on looking things up in a table in a book) is to compare the calculated F value to a “critical” value of F based on the chance you’re willing to take that the value of Y really has nothing to do with the value of X.  Again, traditionally this risk is expressed as a 5% chance (or by the Greek letter alpha set equal to 0.05) being called “significant” and a 1% chance (alpha equal to 0.01) being called “highly significant.”  Excel has a function to look up the critical F.  The function (for a 5% probability that the observed relationship between X and Y is due to chance or random error) would be FINV(.05,1,8) and the result is 5.317655063 and inasmuch as the F value we calculated from our data is less than that, we reject the linear relationship between X and Y described by the regression equation and go instead with the “null hypothesis” that there is no relationship and the correct equation is Y = 2.91 (which is the average value of the ten y’s in our data).  So, no matter what the value of X (1 or 0), we expect 2.91 to be the value of Y.


You could perform the same test of the null hypothesis on the regression coefficient m.  The 0.225832 in cell B14 is what Excel Help calls sem (the “se” stands for standard error and the subscript m identifies what it is the error of).  The t statistic is the value of the regression coefficient divided by its standard error, or in this case, 0.34 divided by 0.319374 which is equal to 1.064581295 but inasmuch a F = t2  you’re really going to extra trouble for nothing (check it out: 1.064581295 squared is equal to 1.33333333).  Excel LINEST gives you the F value; why go to the trouble of calculating the t statistic?[2]


As noted by Neter and Wasserman in their book Applied Linear Statistical Models (Irwin, 1974), the F test is algebraically equivalent to the two-tailed t test.[3]    As mentioned in Wikipedia, the t-statistic was introduced in 1908 by William Sealy Gosset, a chemist working for the Guinness brewery in Dublin, Ireland ("Student" was his pen name).  When I was younger, everyone called it “Student’s t” but I don’t see the “Student” mentioned much anymore.


If our analysis had shown a statistically significant relationship between X and Y, which it didn’t, we might have gone on to look at the other statistics LINEST kicked out for us:  0.24088 in cell A15 is the coefficient of determination (often written as r2) and expresses the amount of the change in Y “explained” by the change in X.  It is the ratio of the “explained” (or “regression”) sum of squares (see the footnote) and the “total” sum of squares (the sum of the squares of each observed y minus the average y, which in this case is 2.329).  The total sum of squares is always equal to the explained sum of squares plus the unexplained sum of squares (in this case, 0.289 + 2.04 = 2.329). 


The 0.504975247 in cell B15 is sometimes called the root mean square error and is calculated by dividing the 2.04 unexplained (or “residual”) sum of squares by the 8 degrees of freedom to get the 0.255 mean square error and then taking the square root of that (the square root of 0.255 is 0.504975247).


Game Openings

Diplomacy (Black Press – Permanent Opening in ES): Signed up: Zachary Jarvie, Brad Wilson, Jeff O’Donnell, needs four more to fill.

Gunboat Diplomacy (Black Press): Signed up: Five, need two more to fill.  Sign up now!

Diplomacy Bourse (Black Press): Buy and sell the currencies of the Diplomacy nations.  This Bourse is using the new game “Dulcinea” as its basis.  Players may join at any time, and are then given 1000 units of every currency still in circulation.  The rules to Bourse can be found in ES #24.

By Popular Demand: Game currently underway, join any time. 

Eternal Sunshine Movie Quote Quiz: 10 rounds, join any time.  You can find it at the end of the zine.  New Game Begins This Issue!!

Standby List: HELP!  I need standby players! – Current standby list: Graham Wilson, Jim Burgess (Dip only), Jeremie Lefrancois (Dip only), Lance Anderson (Dip only), Martin Burgdorf, Paul Milewski (Dip only), Brad Wilson, and whoever I beg into it in an emergency.

I’m going to continue to go through my files and seeing what other variants I can offer, until I find one that gets enough interest to fill.  When I offer a variant I’ll give it an issue or two, but if nobody signs up I’ll drop the opening and replace it.  If somebody wants to guest-GM a game of anything, just get in touch.  If you have specific game requests please let me know.



Eternal Sunshine Game Section


Diplomacy “Wouldn’t It Be Nice?” 2008A, W 12/S 13


Austria (Kevin Wilson - ckevinw “of” Remove F Ionian Sea..

 A Bohemia Supports A Vienna – Tyrolia, A Budapest - Vienna (*Fails*), A Galicia - Warsaw (*Fails*),

 A Ukraine Supports A Moscow, A Vienna - Tyrolia (*Bounce*).

England (Jérémie LeFrançois - jeremie.lefrancois “of” Build A Liverpool..

 F Belgium - North Sea, A Berlin – Silesia, F Brest - English Channel, F Gascony Supports F Mid-Atlantic Ocean,

 F Kiel – Berlin, A Liverpool – Brest, A Livonia Supports A Warsaw – Moscow,

 F Mid-Atlantic Ocean Convoys A Liverpool – Brest, A Munich Supports A Berlin – Silesia,

 F North Atlantic Ocean Convoys A Liverpool – Brest, A Paris - Burgundy (*Bounce*),

 F Portugal Supports F Mid-Atlantic Ocean, A Prussia Supports A Silesia – Warsaw, A Silesia – Warsaw,

 A St Petersburg Supports A Warsaw – Moscow, A Warsaw - Moscow.

Italy (Don Williams – dwilliam “of” Build A Venice.. A Marseilles - Burgundy (*Bounce*),

 F North Africa - Mid-Atlantic Ocean (*Fails*), A Piedmont Supports A Venice – Tyrolia,

 F Spain(sc) Supports F North Africa - Mid-Atlantic Ocean, A Venice - Tyrolia (*Bounce*),

 F Western Mediterranean Supports F Spain(sc).

Turkey (Brad Wilson - bwdolphin146 “of” Build F Ankara.. F Aegean Sea - Ionian Sea,

 F Ankara Unordered, A Bulgaria Supports A Rumania, F Constantinople - Aegean Sea,

 A Moscow Supports A Galicia - Warsaw (*Dislodged*, ret Sevastopol or OTB), A Rumania Supports A Ukraine,

 A Smyrna - Armenia.


Fall 1913 Deadline is October 26th at 7:00am my time



None…you guys suck.



Diplomacy “Dulcinea” 2008C, F 09


Austria (Lance Anderson – lance_anderson “of” A Bohemia Supports A Munich,

 A Munich Supports A Prussia - Berlin (*Cut*), F Naples – Rome, A Piedmont Supports A Marseilles,

 A Prussia – Berlin, A Silesia Supports A Prussia – Berlin, A Tyrolia Supports A Munich.

England (Philip Murphy trekkypj “of” F Barents Sea - St Petersburg(nc) (*Fails*),

 F English Channel - Mid-Atlantic Ocean (*Bounce*), A Finland Supports F Barents Sea - St Petersburg(nc),

 A Gascony - Spain (*Fails*), F Mid-Atlantic Ocean - Western Mediterranean (*Bounce*),

 F North Africa Supports F Mid-Atlantic Ocean - Western Mediterranean, F Norwegian Sea - Norway.

France (Brad Wilson – bwdolphin146 ”of” F Portugal - Mid-Atlantic Ocean (*Bounce*).

Germany (William Wood – wxmanwill “of”  F Berlin - Prussia (*Dislodged*, ret

 Baltic Sea or OTB), A Burgundy - Munich (*Fails*), A Kiel Supports A Burgundy – Munich,

 A Ruhr Supports A Burgundy - Munich.

Turkey (Jim Burgess – jfburgess “of” F Aegean Sea - Ionian Sea (*Fails*), F Albania – Greece,

 F Apulia – Naples, F Black Sea Hold, F Ionian Sea - Tyrrhenian Sea (*Fails*), A Marseilles Supports F Spain(sc),

 A Moscow Supports A St Petersburg, A Sevastopol - Ukraine,

 F Spain(sc) Supports F Portugal - Mid-Atlantic Ocean (*Cut*), A St Petersburg Hold,

 F Tunis Supports F Tyrrhenian Sea - Western Mediterranean,

 F Tyrrhenian Sea - Western Mediterranean (*Bounce*).


Thanks to Martin for the unneeded standby orders

Winter 09/Spring 10 Deadline is October 26th at 7:00am my time


Supply Center Chart


Austria:            Berlin, Budapest, Munich, Rome, Rumania, Serbia, Trieste, Venice,

Vienna, Warsaw=10, Build 3

England:          Brest, Edinburgh, Liverpool, London, Norway, Paris, Sweden=7, Even

France:            Portugal=1, Even

Germany:         Belgium, Denmark, Holland, Kiel=4, Even

Turkey:            Ankara, Bulgaria, Constantinople, Greece, Marseilles, Moscow, Naples, Sevastopol, Smyrna,

                        Spain, St Petersburg, Tunis=12, Even



Turkey to French Freedom Fighters: We will help you avenge yourself against your enemies.  Maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow, but we will not rest until we get your fleet back into the fray!


London to Portugal: Funny that... and here I was thinking we should let you live.


Vie to Kie: A valiant struggle that was well-fought but is now ultimately futile - bow down before your southern overlords.


Turkey to Our Loyal Austrian Friends: Three builds, three builds, go for it!!!


Prime Minister to the Houses of Parliament:

Speaker: Order, Order. The Prime Minister will make a statement to the House.

Mr. Speaker, the war is going *so well* that in order to continue the fantastic progess we have made in recent months, conscription will be introduced for all men over 18 and under 50 years of age. For the greater good of the Empire, and to secure our territories, we will break all resistance to our righteous cause. The additional troops under this scheme will help us achieve this goal.

*sits down mutters to self*  God save the King indeed!

“Dulcinea” Diplomacy Bourse



Billy Ray Valentine: No activity.


Duke of York: Buys 4 Francs.


Smaug the Dragon: Sells 500 Marks.  Buys 250 Crowns, 50 Piastres.

Rothschild: Sells 500 Piastres.  Buys 662 Crowns.


Baron Wuffet: No changes.


Wooden Nickel Enterprises: Sells 500 Piastres and 500 Pounds.  Buys 985 Crowns.


VAIONT Enterprises: Sells 500 Pounds, 500 Piastres.  Buys 984 Crowns.


Insider Trading LLC: Hides under his desk.


Bourse Master: Stands pat.


Next Bourse Deadline is October 25th at 7:00pm my time




Smaug the Dragon to the FBI: Look, I swear to you, the money was just resting in my account before I moved it on? What? I'm not a Dragon! *puff* See? I don't even blow flames. Everyone knows dragons are firebreathers. Why would I lie to you?


Rothschild => Duke of York: The English Pound fell by 16%. Do not confuse game and reality! (And don't pass me by doing nothing.)


Rothschild => Smaug: ...and the pie tastes real good!




Diplomacy “Just a Taste” 2009C, W 06/S 07

Austria (William Wood – wxmanwill “of” F Albania – Greece,

 A Budapest - Rumania (*Bounce*), A Serbia Supports F Albania – Greece,

 A Trieste - Serbia (*Dislodged*, retreat to Albania or OTB), A Ukraine - Sevastopol (*Disbanded*).

France (Paraic Reddington - ): Build A Brest, F Marseilles..

 F Apulia Supports F Ionian Sea, A Brest – Gascony, A Burgundy – Marseilles, A Greece - Bulgaria (*Disbanded*),

 F Ionian Sea Convoys A Tuscany – Greece, F Irish Sea - Mid-Atlantic Ocean, F Liverpool - North Atlantic Ocean,

 A London – Yorkshire, F Marseilles - Gulf of Lyon, F Tunis Supports F Ionian Sea, A Tuscany - Greece (*Fails*),

 A Tyrolia Supports A Vienna, F Tyrrhenian Sea Supports F Ionian Sea.

Germany (Philip Murphy trekkypj “of” Build A Berlin, A Munich.. A Berlin – Silesia,

 A Bohemia - Galicia (*Fails*), A Galicia - Rumania (*Bounce*), F Gulf of Bothnia – Sweden,

 A Livonia - Moscow (*Bounce*), A Moscow – Ukraine, A Munich - Bohemia (*Fails*), F Norway - Barents Sea,

 F St Petersburg(sc) - Gulf of Bothnia, A Venice – Trieste, A Vienna Supports A Venice – Trieste,

 A Warsaw Supports A Moscow - Ukraine.
Turkey (Graham Wilson – grahamaw “of” Retreat A Moscow - Sevastopol..

 F Adriatic Sea - Ionian Sea (*Fails*), F Aegean Sea - Bulgaria(sc) (*Bounce*),

 F Eastern Mediterranean - Aegean Sea (*Fails*), A Sevastopol - Moscow (*Bounce*).


Thanks to Jeremie for the unneeded standby orders

Fall 07 deadline is October 26th at 7:00am my time




F to G - I propose the Dardanelles as the next venue for our extraordinary general meeting. After all, our generals are rather extraordinary.

Anonymous: Oh Kaiser, my Kaiser, I fear you've overrun;
Your men should not be jumping at the sound of big brass guns.
Your fleets are lying idle, your soldiers in the mess
Are moaning about the Kaiser's need
To constantly impress!

F to A - Welcome aboard. I hope you have a pleasant and short stay. Thank you for flying Just a Taste airlines.

Tur -> Aus: This situation is difficult enough as it is, without you NMRing!!


F to T - There's still time to repent sinner! Lay down your arms and expose your necks so that your penance can be administered.

Kaiser Wilhelm to all: Ach so! Now, if der rain in Spain falls mainly auf dem plain, Wo kann it rain in Deutschland, bitte?


F to F - I've got me, under my skin. I've got me, deep in the heart of me.


White Press Diplomacy “Creepshow” 2009D, F 05

Austria (Brad Wilson - bwdolphin146 “of” Retreat A Trieste - Venice..

 A Venice Supports A Apulia (*Ordered to Move*).

England (Chuy Cronin – chuykdc_92 “of” F Denmark Supports F Norway – Sweden,

 F North Sea Convoys A Yorkshire – Norway, F Norway - Sweden (*Fails*),

 F Norwegian Sea Supports A Yorkshire – Norway, A Yorkshire - Norway (*Bounce*).

France (Michael Cronin – mfmcronin “of” F Belgium Supports F North Sea - Holland (*Void*),

 A Bohemia - Munich (*Dislodged*, ret Silesia or OTB), A Burgundy Supports A Munich – Ruhr,

 A Munich - Ruhr (*Dislodged*, ret Silesia or OTB), A Picardy Supports F Belgium,

 A Tyrolia Supports A Bohemia - Munich.

Germany (Pat Vogelsang – godawgsgo33 “of” Retreat A Munich - Berlin..

 A Berlin Supports A Ruhr – Munich, F Holland - North Sea (*Fails*), A Kiel Supports A Ruhr – Munich,

 A Ruhr - Munich.

Italy (Graham Wilson – grahamaw “of” A Apulia - Rome (*Fails*),

 F Naples - Ionian Sea (*Fails*), A Prussia – Livonia, F Tunis - Tyrrhenian Sea (*Fails*).

Russia (Kevin Wilson - ckevinw “of” A Budapest Supports A Vienna, A Galicia – Bohemia,

 F Sevastopol Hold, A Silesia – Warsaw, F St Petersburg(nc) Supports F Sweden – Norway,

 F Sweden - Norway (*Bounce*), A Vienna Supports A Galicia - Bohemia.

Turkey (Larry Cronin – lcroninmd “of” Retreat A Apulia - Rome..

 F Adriatic Sea - Trieste (*Fails*), F Greece Unordered, F Ionian Sea - Apulia (*Fails*),

 A Rome Supports F Tyrrhenian Sea - Naples (*Cut*), A Trieste - Venice (*Fails*),

 F Tyrrhenian Sea - Naples (*Fails*).


W 05/S 06 Deadline is October 26th at 7:00am my time


Supply Center Chart

Austria:            Venice=1, Even

England:          Denmark, Edinburgh, Liverpool, London, Norway=5, Even

France:            Belgium, Brest, Marseilles, Paris, Portugal, Spain=6, Build 1 or 2

Germany:         Berlin, Holland, Kiel, Munich=4, Even

Italy:                Naples, Tunis=2, Remove 2

Russia:             Budapest, Moscow, Rumania, Sevastopol, St Petersburg, Sweden, Vienna, Warsaw=8, Build 1

Turkey:            Ankara, Bulgaria, Constantinople, Greece, Rome, Serbia, Smyrna, Trieste=8, Build 2





Italy -> Turkey: My days are numbered, I can see that.  All I ask is that you leave me but a single center, to maintain my great northern army!  I wish to be a complete and utter pain in the ass to Russia.  I shall strive to keep busy many of his units, while you sweep unhindered through the Med.  What fun we will have! We will laugh! We will frolic! We will play in the snow! All the while, the great Russian Bear gnashes his teeth in fury.  Please, consider my request, and deny me not this opportunity...


England-Russia: you know that itch you can’t reach?



Diplomacy “Bellicus” from Strange Meeting, Spring/Summer 1911

France (Pat Vogelsang – godawgsgo33 “of” A Brest Supports A Paris (*Cut*),

 A Liverpool Unordered, A Paris Supports A Brest (*Cut*), A Picardy Supports A Paris (*Disbanded*).

Russia (Chris Babcock – cbabcock “of” A Belgium Supports A Burgundy – Picardy,

 A Budapest Supports A Vienna – Trieste, A Burgundy – Picardy, F English Channel - Brest (*Fails*),

 A Galicia Supports A Budapest, A Gascony - Paris (*Fails*), F Irish Sea - North Atlantic Ocean (*Bounce*),

 A Moscow - Ukraine (*Fails*), F Norwegian Sea - North Atlantic Ocean (*Bounce*),

 F St Petersburg(nc) – Norway, A Tyrolia Supports A Vienna – Trieste, A Ukraine Hold,

 A Vienna - Trieste (*Fails*), F Wales - English Channel (*Fails*).

Turkey (Phil Amos – p.v.a “of” F Aegean Sea - Ionian Sea,

 A Armenia Supports A Sevastopol, F Black Sea Supports A Rumania, F Bulgaria(ec) Supports A Rumania,

 A Greece – Albania, F Ionian Sea - Tyrrhenian Sea, F Marseilles Supports F Piedmont,

 F Mid-Atlantic Ocean Supports A Brest, F Piedmont Supports F Marseilles,

 F Portugal Supports F Mid-Atlantic Ocean, A Rumania Supports A Sevastopol, A Serbia Supports F Trieste,

 A Sevastopol Supports A Rumania, F Spain(sc) Supports F Marseilles, F Trieste Supports A Venice (*Cut*),

 A Venice Supports F Trieste.


The Concession to Russia Fails

Fall/Winter 1911 Deadline is October 26th at 7:00am my time




Turkey: Congratulations to Russia on a well played game.


France: The proud French shall never surrender!!


Russia: Thanks to Phil for being a great ally; Apologies to David. We could have a good run, but Phil turned out to be a better match. Also thanks to Pat for not thinking too much about the adverb at the end of my promise not to stab him ineffectually. This game has pretty much been on rails for Phil and I since Austria telegraphed that he was planning to put two units on Greece in S1901M. 


Black Press Gunboat, “Maple Sugar,” 2009Crb32, F 07

Austria: A Serbia - Budapest (*Bounce*), A Silesia - Galicia (*Fails*), A Trieste - Budapest (*Bounce*),

 A Tyrolia – Vienna, A Venice Supports F Tyrrhenian Sea - Rome (*Void*).

England: F Edinburgh Supports F Norwegian Sea, F Mid-Atlantic Ocean Supports A Spain – Portugal,

 F Norwegian Sea Supports F North Sea - Norway (*Void*).

France: A Portugal - Spain (*Disbanded*), F Tyrrhenian Sea - Tunis.

Germany: A Berlin – Munich, F Brest Hold, A Burgundy Supports A Berlin – Munich,

 F English Channel - North Sea, A Gascony – Spain, A Marseilles – Piedmont, F North Sea – Denmark,

 A Spain – Portugal, F Yorkshire - London.

Italy: F Ionian Sea - Naples (*Dislodged*, ret to Eastern Mediterranean or Adriatic Sea or Apulia or

 Tyrrhenian Sea or OTB), A Rome - Naples (*Bounce*).

Russia: A Albania Unordered, F Barents Sea Hold, A Galicia - Rumania (*Fails*), A Livonia – Moscow,

 F Norway Hold, F Rumania – Sevastopol, A Warsaw Hold.

Turkey: F Aegean Sea - Ionian Sea, F Black Sea – Rumania, A Bulgaria Supports F Black Sea – Rumania,

  A Constantinople Supports A Bulgaria, F Greece Supports F Aegean Sea - Ionian Sea.


W 07/S 08 Deadline is October 26th at 7:00am my time


Supply Center Chart


Austria:            Budapest, Serbia, Trieste, Venice, Vienna=5, Even

England:          Edinburgh, Liverpool=2, Remove 1

France:            Tunis=1, Even

Germany:         Belgium, Berlin, Brest, Denmark, Holland, Kiel, London, Marseilles, Munich, Paris,

Portugal, Spain=12, Build 3 (Room for 2)

Italy:                Naples, Rome=2, Even or Build 1

Russia:             Moscow, Norway, Sevastopol, St Petersburg, Sweden, Warsaw=6, Remove 1

Turkey:            Ankara, Bulgaria, Constantinople, Greece, Rumania, Smyrna=6, Build 1




A-R: You removed F Bla, stayed in Gal, kept ALB ?  Surrendering to Turkey by giving him Rum, then Sev?

Turkey => Germany: The proposal had indeed no chance of success, but you are very close to winning this war. And you say "_Drang_ nach Osten", not "Dracht".

A-G: A failed Stab! I deserve whatever grief you send my way. I hope you do not take it personally, this was my last hope of gaining a SC and slowing down your march to SP status.  Had to go for it.  Moved sil-gal

Germany - World: Austria declares war on Germany by ordering 'A Tyr - Mun' after declaring and I quote "Be assured Tyr will never attack, or support an attack on Munich"!


England -> Germany: My support is there, as promised.  Portugal is yours, if you were wise enough to take it.  If my fleet is still there come Spring, it shall move to NAf, in order to support your F MAO to the WestMed in the fall.

A-T: Welcome to Rum, I had hoped to occupy that position myself, I have no opportunities left for expansion.  After you take Rum my demise is certain.  If you wish to keep a rump AH in existence be assured I will co-operate fully with the Turkish superpower.  I concede Ser, Bud ask that I be left with Tri, Ven in-order to continue supporting the Turkish cause.  Moved sil-Gal to begin my support of Turkish master, request support of Ser-alb in spring.

Anonymous: Mysterious as the dark side of the MOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


italy-->france: way to go Napoleon--you've managed to lose EVERY single home center..what are going to do for an encore--try and build a fleet in spain????

italy-->austria: another strategic giant who is well on his way to losing his home centers--here is a tip for future games, when someone stabs you, you should attack them.

Germany - Italy: As Austria has become a common foe, I feel there will be opportunities for joint action for our mutual benefit if you wish.


Turkey => Italy: You are right - France cannot be of much help any more.


Turkey => Russia: Disbanding your F BLA was a deadly mistake!


italy-->germany: congrats--if you can control russia the game is yours.

italy-->russia: use the force Luke! seriously, you need to take out austria or turkey or both ASAP...

Aus to World: None of last seasons press was from Austria. Still press was fun, and I agree Aus had to take a shot at slowing down G.  Aus moved Sil-Gal, Ser-Bud



Graustark Game 2002D, W 17/S 18

England (Fred Wiedemeyer – wiedem “of” No Moves Received! F Barents Sea, F Clyde,

 F London, A Moscow, F Norway, A St Petersburg all Unordered.

France (Andy Lischett – andy “of” F Aegean Sea Supports F Smyrna – Constantinople,

 F Brest Hold, A Bulgaria Supports F Smyrna – Constantinople, F Ionian Sea Hold, A Marseilles Hold,

 F Mid-Atlantic Ocean Hold, A Naples Hold, A Paris Hold, A Piedmont Hold, A Serbia Supports A Trieste,

 F Smyrna – Constantinople, A Trieste Supports A Serbia, F Tunis Hold,

 F Tyrrhenian Sea - Western Mediterranean.

Germany (Michael Quirk – michaelpquirk “of” A Armenia - Ankara (*Fails*),

 F Baltic Sea - Sweden (*Bounce*), A Budapest Supports A Vienna, A Galicia Supports A Budapest,

 F Gulf of Bothnia - Sweden (*Bounce*), A Munich Hold, A Rumania Supports A Budapest,

 A Sevastopol Supports A Rumania, A Ukraine Supports A Rumania, A Vienna Supports A Budapest,

 A Warsaw Supports A Ukraine.

Russia (Harley Jordanharleyj “of” Retreat F Smyrna - Syria..Remove F Syria..

 A Ankara Supports A Constantinople (*Cut*), A Constantinople Supports A Ankara (*Disbanded*).



Would Brad Wilson (bwdolphin146 “of” standby for England?

I showed France as having 14 centers, but he had 15 (all 15 were listed)

DIAS and E/F/G Both Fail. 

Now Proposed – F/G Draw and DIAS.  Please Vote!

BNC Tom Howell has checked and the year for this game WAS correct in Graustark, so this was 1917 we just completed.

Fall 1918 Deadline is October 26th at 7:00am my time



Graustark Diplomacy Game 2006A, F 07

Austria (Don Williams – dwilliams “of” A Bohemia - Munich (*Fails*),

 A Galicia - Bohemia (*Fails*), F Ionian Sea – Greece, A Rumania - Galicia (*Fails*),

 A Tyrolia Supports A Bohemia – Munich, A Vienna Supports A Galicia - Bohemia (*Fails*).

England (Fred Wiedemeyer – wiedem “of” No Moves Received!  F English Channel,

 F Irish Sea, F North Atlantic Ocean, F Norway, A Paris, F Picardy, F St Petersburg(nc) all Unordered.

France (Hank Alme – almehj “of” F Portugal Supports F Western Mediterranean –

 Mid-Atlantic Ocean (*Void*).

Germany (Harley Jordanharleyj “of” F Baltic Sea – Livonia, A Berlin Supports A Silesia,

 A Burgundy Supports A Paris - Gascony (*Void*), A Kiel Supports A Munich, A Munich Hold,

 A Prussia Supports A Silesia, A Silesia Hold.

Italy (Jim Burgess – jfburgess “of” F Brest - Mid-Atlantic Ocean,

 A Bulgaria Supports A Rumania (*Ordered to Move*), F Gascony Supports F Brest - Mid-Atlantic Ocean,

 A Marseilles - Burgundy (*Fails*), F North Africa Supports F Brest - Mid-Atlantic Ocean,

 A Spain Supports F Gascony, F Western Mediterranean Supports F Brest - Mid-Atlantic Ocean.

Russia (John Biehl – jerbil “of” No Moves Received!  F Aegean Sea, A Constantinople, A Moscow,

 A Sevastopol, A Ukraine, A Warsaw all Unordered.


Would Lance Anderson (lance_anderson “of”

standby for England?

Would Graham Wilson (grahamaw “of” standby for Russia?

No Winter needed..Spring 08 Deadline is October 26th at 7:00am my time


Supply Center Chart


Austria:            Budapest, Greece, Rumania, Serbia, Trieste, Vienna=6, Even

England:          Belgium, Edinburgh, Liverpool, London, Norway, Paris, St Petersburg=7, Even

France:            Portugal=1, Even

Germany:         Berlin, Brest, Denmark, Holland, Kiel, Munich, Sweden=7, Even

Italy:                Bulgaria, Marseilles, Naples, Rome, Spain, Tunis, Venice=7, Even

Russia:             Ankara, Constantinople, Moscow, Sevastopol, Smyrna, Warsaw=6, Even




BOOB to the BOARD: Yeah, maybe this is about done, how come I couldn't get into Brest in a FALL turn??



By Popular Demand


Credit goes to Ryk Downes, I believe, for inventing this.  The goal is to pick something that fits the category and will be the "most popular" answer. You score points based on the number of entries that match yours. For example, if the category is "Cats" and the responses were 7 for Persian, 3 for Calico and 1 for Siamese, everyone who said Persian would get 7 points, Calico 3 and the lone Siamese would score 1 point. The cumulative total over 10 rounds will determine the overall winner. Anyone may enter at any point, starting with an equivalent point total of the lowest cumulative score from the previous round. If a person misses a round, they'll receive the minimum score from the round added to their cumulative total. In each round you may specify one of your answers as your Joker answer.  Your score for this answer will be doubled.  In other words, if you apply your Joker to category 3 on a given turn, and 4 other people give the same answer as you, you get 10 points instead of 5.  Players who fail to submit a Joker for any specific turn will have their Joker automatically applied to the first category. And, if you want to submit some commentary with your answers, feel free to.  The game will consist of 10 rounds.  A prize will be awarded to the winner.  Research is permitted!


Round 2 Categories

1. A movie with Cameron Diaz.

2. A Bob Dylan song.

3. An unreliable make of car.

4. A type of moth or butterfly.

5. A planet.


Selected Comments By Category:


Cameron Diaz – Marc Ellinger “I know Shrek is an animation, but it is the most successful of all her movies.  I guess the flopped Charlie’s Angel’s movies would be a distant second.   Too bad, that such a beautiful woman would be most famously the voice of an ogre.”  Hank Alme “I liked 'Shrek <foo>' and 'Being John Malkovich' more.”  Jim Burgess “Yuck, how do you approach this with Cameron Diaz?  Shrek is her most known movie, but she's just a voice and it's a horrendously stupid movie (as you can tell by how lame the sequels have been -- though I've never seen any of them, just having suffered through the original.  I have to choose "There's Something about Mary" since it has a cool Jonathan Richman soundtrack.  Being John Malkovich and Minority Report are also cool, but in the first one, Cameron IS Mary.  No one had better say "Charlie's Angels".....”


[[This category came to mind when I was thinking about an old friend who was hit on at a bar in California by a thin, blonde, and a bit pimply woman.  After he gave her the brush-off, the bartender let him know he’d just given the cold shoulder to Cameron Diaz.  He told me that after seeing her up close, he never regretted the decision.]]


Bob Dylan – Melinda HolleyI prefer Jimi Hendrix's version MUCH better - Dylan can write songs; he just can't SING them.”  Dylan had such a long storied career but very few really famous songs.   Many of his best songs were covered by others and made much better, e.g. All Along the Watchtower by Jimi Hendrix.”  Jim Burgess “Has to be one of three, "Like a Rolling Stone", "The Times They Are a Changin'" or "Knockin' on Heaven's Door" with the last one being the one to drop out....”

Car – Marc Ellinger “Does anything else say lack of quality like a Yugo?  (Years ago maybe a Fiat…Fix It Again Tony!)”  Jim Burgess “Audis and Peugeots are the WikiAnswers to this question.”  Andy Lischett “I wonder how many of your readers even remember Renault?”  Dane Maslen “Number 3 was tricky as reality and perception differ so much.  I've gambled that the seeminly interminable sequence of recalls will have severely dented Toyota's previously very good reputation.”


Moth – Marc Ellinger I’ll be curious to see what folks on the other side of the pond have to say about this one.” 


Planet - Marc Ellinger “Only 9 options that anyone remembers off the top of their head.  Maybe only 8, since Pluto has been demoted.”  Pat Vogelsang “I wanna say Jupiter. That’s what came to mind first. But I think people will say Earth.”


Congrats to Kevin Wilson, missing the highest possible score for the round by only one point!


Round 3 Categories – Deadline is October 26th at 7:00am my time

1. A member of the Brady Bunch (character name).

2. An acronym associated with computers.

3. A small country (small in geographic size).

4. Any bone in the human body.

5. A once-popular magazine which no longer is published.


Eternal Sunshine Movie Quote Contest


Round Ten – Final Round


#1. Well, the way they make shows is, they make one show. That show's called a pilot. Then they show that show to the people who make shows, and on the strength of that one show they decide if they're going to make more shows. Some pilots get picked and become television programs. Some don't, become nothing. She starred in one of the ones that became nothing.  Pulp Fiction, Correct – AS, PR, AL, JM


#2. I have to go to a funeral, Lee. Unless I missed it because you forgot to tell me that my mother is dead!  A Love Song for Bobby Long.  Phenomenon - AL


#3. While you were still learning how to spell your name, I was being trained to conquer galaxies!  Battlefield: Earth, Correct – JB, AS, PR, JM


#4. That was "Rio Bravo." Robert Mitchum played the drunk in "El Dorado." Dean Martin played the drunk in "Rio Bravo." Basically, it was the same part. Now John Wayne, he did the same in both. He played John Wayne.  Get Shorty, Correct – PR, JM.  Pulp Fiction - AL


#5. That's a terrible scream. Jack, what cat did you have to strangle to get that?  Blow Out, Correct - AL


#6. And the first sin was intercourse! Mama, I was so scared. I thought I was dying. And the girls, they all laughed at me and threw things at me, Mama.  Carrie, Correct – AL, JM


#7. I knew you'd piss on it. Go on, just piss on it alright. A raise says like you're good, you know? You know how many times someone told me I was good in my life? Two! Twice!  Saturday Night Fever, Correct – AL, JM


#8. Well, how would you like that? How about alphabetical? Aardvark, baboon, caribou, dolphin, eohippus, fox, gorilla, hyena, ibex, jackal, kangaroo, lion, marmoset, Newfoundland, ocelot, panda, rat, sloth, tiger, unicorn, varmint, whale, yak, zebra.  Phenomenon, Correct – AS, AL, JM


#9. I wish I had a guardian angel to tell me what to do. You know, like Debbie Reynolds had in "Tammy." What do you think?  Grease, Correct – AS, JM.   Michael – PR.  Look Who’s Talking – AL.


#10. My, my full name is Buford Uon Davis, but nobody calls me Buford 'cept my Grandmother, and she's half Indian. My initials are B.U.D., it spells Bud.  Urban Cowboy, Correct – JB, JM


Bonus: What do all these films have in common? John Travolta appeared in all of them.  Correct – JB, AS, AL, JM.


Scores: BW – Brendan Whyte (0 + 2 = 2), DM – Dane Maslen (0 + 6 = 6), PV - Pat Vogelsang (0 + 55 = 55), RD – Rick Desper (0 + 30 = 30), PR – Paraic Reddington (4 + 26 = 30), AL – Andy Lischett (6 + 15 = 21), AY – Andy York (0 + 5 = 5), JB – Jim-Bob Burgess (3 + 73 = 76), JM – Jack McHugh (9 + 41 = 50), DW – Don Williams (0 + 9 = 9), KW – Kevin Wilson (0 + 15 = 15), MH – Melinda Holley (0 + 0 = 0), RL – Robert Lesco (0 + 4 = 4), ME – Marc Ellinger (0 + 2 = 2), AS – Amber Smith (5 + 0 = 5).


Jim Burgess is the winner, with the highest score.  However, as he has admitted researching during the earlier rounds, he has cheated and he forfeits both the title and the prize.  Much like the Heisman Trophy, there will be no substitute winner.  Ergo, Burgess ruined everything for everybody and should be beaten with tube socks filled with flour, leaving white streaks all over his clothes.  Fortunately, I think this new game, with new rules, will work out better for all involved.


Round One – New Game!!


There are ten rounds of movie quotes, and each round consists of ten quotes.  Anyone may enter at any point. If you want to submit some commentary with your answers, feel free to.  The game will consist of 10 rounds.  A prize will be awarded to the winner – and it might be a very good prize!  Research is not permitted!  That means NO RESEARCH OF ANY KIND, not just no searches for the quotes themselves.  The only legal “research” is watching movies to try and locate quotes.  Try to avoid the temptation to Google the quotes.  I’m doing many of the quotes from memory anyway, so you won’t necessarily be able to find them by direct search…so don’t try!  Each round will also contain one bonus question, asking what the ten movies being quoted have in common.


Now, for the new game, some new rules.  You do NOT get a point for every correct answer.  Instead, the player with the most correct answers each round gets 3 points, 2nd place gets 2 points, and 3rd place gets 1 point.  In the event of ties, multiple players get the points (if three players tie for first, they EACH get 3 points).  High score at the end of ten rounds wins the game, and a prize (unless you cheated).  If there’s enough participation I may give a prize for 2nd and maybe even 3rd place overall too.


The other difference this time is quotes may contain more than one person speaking (in other words, part of a scene with more than one character talking).  In those instances, quotes will separate the characters speaking.  I also plan on making the 10th round worth double points.


#1. Now, here's the sum total: One gang could run this city! One gang. Nothing would move without us allowing it to happen. We could tax the crime syndicates, the police, because WE got the streets, suckers! Can you dig it?


#2. He hates these cans! Stay away from the cans!


#3. “Joanna is a very unhappy woman and it took a lot of courage to walk out this door.”  “How much courage does it take to walk out on your kid?”


#4. I saw a pregnant woman on a picket line get hit in the stomach with a club. I saw a boy of sixteen shot in the back.


#5. I don't get married again because I can't find anyone I dislike enough to inflict that kind of torture on.


#6. But, the real excitement of course is going to come at the end of the summer, during Sexual Awareness week. We import two hundred hookers from around the world, and each camper, armed with only a thermos of coffee and two thousand dollars cash, tries to visit as many countries as he can. The winner of course is named King of Sexual Awareness week and is allowed to rape and pillage the neighboring towns until camp ends.


#7. If you disobey the rules of society, they send you to prison.  If you disobey the rules of the prison, they send you to us.


#8. He's all wrong for us, baby. I saw you beat that man like I never saw no man get beat before, and the man kept coming after you. Now we don't need no man like that in our lives.


#9. I may be wrong, but I'd say you're lucky to be alive. For that matter, I think we might say the same for the rest of Southern California.


#10. What the hell do you know about surfing, Major? You're from goddamned New Jersey!


Bonus: What do all these films have in common?


Deadline for your answers to Round 1: October 26th at 7:00am my time





General Deadline for the Next Issue of Eternal Sunshine:  October 26th, 2010 at 7:00am my time.  See You Then!


[1] By way of explanation, the F value is the ratio of two numbers, one number divided by another, so there is a numerator and a denominator.  The numerator is the 0.289 Excel Help calls the “regression” sum of squares” in cell A17 divided by its degrees of freedom (1) and the denominator is the 2.04 Excel calls “residual” sum of squares in cell B17 divided by its degrees of freedom (the 8 in cell B16). 

[2]If you use the Excel TINV function to calculate the critical t statistic for alpha equal to 0.05 and 8 degrees of freedom, the value returned is 2.306004133 which squared is equal to the 5.317655063 value returned by FINV for the same probability with 1 and 8 degrees of freedom.  This is further proof you’d be unnecessarily duplicating your efforts.


[3] Although my copy dates back to 1974, the mathematics are still sound.  The title is continued by Neter with as a McGraw-Hill/Irwin book with Kutner and Nachtsheim as coauthors and with a CD-ROM available.  Richard D. Irwin, the textbook publisher, died in 1980 at the age of 84; he sold Richard D. Irwin, Inc. to Dow Jones & Company in 1975 and the Times-Mirror Corporation later bought it.  McGraw-Hill acquired Times-Mirror Higher Education in 1996.  The “Times” in Times-Mirror is the Los Angeles Times, and like most newspapers, it’s had its own share of financial woes in the current electronic era.  I miss Irwin.  Irwin believed in books with drab blue covers and unimaginative typefaces that suggested to me that books that looked that unappealing must be good.