May 2011

By Douglas Kent 911 Irene Drive, Mesquite, TX 75149

Email: doug of whiningkentpigs.com or diplomacyworld of yahoo.com

On the web at http://www.whiningkentpigs.com – or go directly to the Diplomacy section at http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/. Also be sure to visit the official Diplomacy World website which can be found at http://www.diplomacyworld.net. Also remember to check out http://www.helpfulkitty.com for official Toby the Helpful Kitty news, advice column, blog, and links to all his available merchandise! Links to many of the books and DVDs reviewed can be found by clicking on the Amazon Store button in the main menu of the Whining Kent Pigs website. Or go to http://www.guysexplained.com where women can learn all the secrets of how a man’s mind works, and why they act the way they do.

All Eternal Sunshine readers are encouraged to join the free Eternal Sunshine Yahoo group at http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/eternal_sunshine_diplomacy/ to stay up-to-date on any subzine news or errata. We also have our own Eternal Sunshine Twitter feed at http://www.twitter.com/EternalSunshDip, and a Facebook group at http://www.facebook.com/?ref=logo#!/group.php?gid=112223650909

Quote Of The Month – “Pages ripped out. Don't remember doing that. It appears this is my first entry in two years. (Joel in “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”)

Welcome to Eternal Sunshine, the only zine in the world which has games of 23 Tunes and The Twisting Tale running at the same time. What, that’s not impressive? Well, I can live my life the way I want to too. Don’t come following me around.

I really have no time and not much to say. Sign up for Brad Wilson’s new Balkan Wars VI opening (through him or myself). Email me if you’re going to participate in The Twisting Tale. Start participating!

Work has just been too many hours lately, and when you add in my chiropractor appointments (which ARE helping) I just have no time and no energy…which, for all of you, is a good thing, because it means less of my moronic ramblings this month. I’ll be back full strength next issue, so get the barf bags ready!

Of course, this assumes the thunderstorms, hail, and nearby tornadoes we’ve been having continue to leave us relatively unscathed. At least we don’t live in the Texas wildfire region, although it isn’t that far from us. Poor Kayza has been dealing with tornadoes all her life, so she gets really scared when the storms are bad, and wants to climb into the bathtub. Clearly she learned that from experience!

Oh…last comment before I go. I gave Heather an early Mother’s Day gift, and I don’t think any gift I’ve given her in recent memory has made her so happy. It’s a Black & Decker cordless hedge trimmer. What happened to the woman I married, and who is this imposter? Oh wait, she’s still grumpy and crabby and hard to wake up…and she’s still addicted to Mexican food. So I guess this is the real Heather after all. Must be something in the water. Actually she’s been working a lot on the front yard, planting flowers, putting up hanging plants, and trying to make t look very pretty. I know she’s just excited after all those years stuck in an apartment.

NOTICE – The final deadline this issue is on a Monday (Memorial Day in the U.S.), instead of the usual Tuesday (that’s because the deadline is NEVER the last day of the month). So don’t screw up and send your orders in a day late, cause I won’t be able to use them! That’s it for now. See you in June!

Playlist: Live From All Over the Place – Antje Duvekot; Welcome Home – Toad the Wet Sprocket; Nerve Net – Brian Eno; Latin Xtasis Vol II – Various.

Last month, we gave you these two hypotheticals: #1 – On an airplane, on old man asks if you will change seats with his wife so they can sit together. You made sure to ticket yourself on a window seat, and you do not like his wife’s location. Do you move? #2 – As a lawyer, do you defend someone whom you know is guilty of a vicious rape?

Melinda Holley - #1 - Yes.  Why not?  Am I really so petty that I'd keep two people from sitting next to each other?  If I am, I need some serious readjustment time.

#2 - Assuming I know the guilt for a fact, no.  If necessary, I'll lie about not being able to be objective in this case and provide suitable representation.  I'm a lawyer.  Lying is not a problem.

Richard Walkerdine - #1 - Well firstly I would of course spell it correctly as 'aeroplane' (none of this silly colonial jargon). But I would give up my seat for the old man - there are plenty of other days and plenty of other flights to enjoy the window seat.

#2 - Yes, of course I would defend him because it's my job and it's what I'm paid to do - but I might not try too hard. I am not a lawyer and I have no respect for them at all. But hey, I've lied to government officials to get what my company needed - so who am I to judge?

David McCrumb - #1 - Depends. Is this the Roanoke-Dulles leg or Dulles to San Diego leg? First leg - sure; second leg - no.

#2 - No. Which is one reason I didn't become a criminal defense lawyer.

Kevin Tighe - #1 - As much as I don't like her seat location I'm really not going to like sitting next to a man who I refused to let sit with his wife.

#2 - I would excuse myself from the case.  If I knew he was guilty I couldn't offer my best defense.  He'd be better with someone else.

Amber Smith - #1 –Of course... I adore old men and would be happy to make sure the couple may sit together. 

#2 –No. In fact there are many things that I would not be able to defend...hence me not being a lawyer or even being interested in such a career.

Phil Murphy - #1 - Yes, I would do it out of courtesy. Besides, I hate window seats: can't stand looking out at the ground, and it makes it much more difficult to get out to use the loo when there's a couple of people asleep between you and the aisle. It wouldn't be much different for me.

#2 - No. While I agree that everyone should be represented in court, if I were a lawyer and knew that the person was guilty, I'd not be willing to represent him or to try and argue his innocence. I'd feel I was compromising my own integrity.

Andy York - #1 - Since I almost always fly Southwest, this is a moot point (generally first come, first serve, with older folks getting a pre-board nod). Otherwise, I likely would.

#2 - If it was a voluntary assignment, likely not. If it was an appointment, I'd make the client very aware that I would only make sure that he had a fair trial, In doing that, I would not take every possible stab at getting a mistrial or an innocent plea; just a fair trial. It would be client's choice on whether to keep me on or not.

Don Williams - #1 - Yes, I turn over the seat, and I’d even try to be nice about it … on the outside.  On the inside, I’d be miffed but probably thinking very nicely of me for being so warm-hearted and romantic.  Of course, I would probably not do it for a couple my age or younger … not sure why the age thing makes a difference, but it does.  It would also depend on whether I liked the old guy or if I thought he was just using me.  Then of course, I have a bad right knee and if the flight was long and I knew it would cause my knee to lock up, well, then I might reconsider … but then, there’s always (etc etc etc ruminating gently into that good night)

#2 - This isn’t really hypothetical; if you’re an attorney you must do this or face censure from the court.  Of course, the only way I could KNOW this was if my client told me; if I knew for some other reason (as opposed to assuming, or believing a confession, or whatever), then I must have actually witnessed it, in which case I’d barred from being the attorney as I’d be a witness and part of the trial, and not eligible to defend him.

Hank Alme - #1 - The demeanor of the old man would be the only thing that would influence my decision: ask and most likely "yes", demand/wheedle and it would be "enjoy your time away from your wife!"

#2 –If I knew -- absolutely knew -- the person was guilty, I would have trouble defending them against a parking ticket, much less rape.

At best, I could imagine allowing such a client to plead not guilty, and then making the state prove the case beyond a reasonable doubt. I could not allow my client to testify, since I would not knowingly cause false testimony to be presented. Beyond the "not guilty" plea, I could not make any argument that involves explicitly saying my client didn't do it, only those that suggest the state has not done their job of proving guilt beyond a reasonable doubt. Anything more aggressive feels like fraud.

Heather Taylor - #1 – Yes, probably, even though I would be muttering under my breath the whole time. I’d feel too guilty, thinking that if the plane went down at least they’d be able to die together.

#2 – No. And therefore I would never be a defense lawyer.

For Next Month (For the time being, I am selecting questions from the game “A Question of Scruples” which was published in 1984 by High Games Enterprises. The word Scruples is also being used as a secret this issue). Remember you can make your answers as detailed as you wish.: (this month I am making my own questions). #1 – There are two envelopes in front of you. In one envelope is a piece of paper telling you exactly when you will die. In the other a piece of paper telling you how you will die. You must open one and read the paper inside; but only one, you cannot open both. Which do you open, and why? #2 – A pound of flesh, no more no less…you must cut off one pound of your body. You may use local anesthetic in this case. Where do you cut, and why?

Insidious – When it comes to recent horror movies, Insidious carries a rather typical plot line and ornamentation: ghostly figures, unexplained sounds, psychics, children in danger, and a family loving into a new house. But for whatever reason, the atmosphere is thick and creepy, and the jumps and scares are quite effective.

Josh and Renai (Patrick Wilson and Rose Byrne) move into a new house..new to them anyway; it’s actually a beautiful older home. It is clear from a few scenes that the marriage is not in the greatest shape, and neither are Josh or Renai. Josh stays late at work for no real reason, while Renai is “taking time off” to work on her music. Whether the marriage is coming apart, or coming back together, we’re not sure. But together with their two sons and baby daughter, they’re hoping this new home will bring them a new start.

Immediately “little things” begin to happen: books mysteriously tossed on the floor, noises downstairs, doors opening or closing. The use of quiet and dark in selected scenes help build tension well. And then, disaster strikes: their oldest son falls down in the attic and bangs his head. The next morning he won’t wake up. Doctors can find no physical reason for this coma-like state; the fall was not hard enough to cause this condition.

Three months pass, and the child is sent home. There’s nothing to be done but wait and hope. He’s on a feeding tube, but otherwise okay…he just isn’t conscious. And then….then things really begin to unravel.

There are a few laughs along the way, and plenty of scares. Aside from one really silly moment of disbelief by Josh, both adults avoid the stereotypical horror film character reactions. It’s hard to give much information about what they do without spoiling some surprises, but I’ll just say they make decisions along the way which are much more realistic than the ones you generally see.

Heather is always fun to see scary movies with, because I can flinch and make her jump or gasp…but I am happy to report that Insidious had enough scares on its own to give her the creeps for at least a night or two. And that’s really all you can ask, isn’t it?

Watching this on DVD would be fine, but if you can, try and see it in the theater before it disappears. Movies like this, when done well, are better experienced in a large group. But see it either way, unless you’re one of those people who stay away from all horror movies.

Seen on DVD – The Fog (C, there’s a nice feeling of nostalgia watching The Fog, but as a horror flick it is simply goofy and pointless).

An Eternal Sunshine List Challenge

Yahoo Films (part of the Yahoo online pages) has recently posted two lists of movies “to see before you die.” The first list was composed of mostly classic film choices, while the “modern” list was 100 films from 1990 onward. You can find their lists at: http://movies.yahoo.com/feature/100-movies-to-see-before-you-die.html and at http://movies.yahoo.com/feature/100-movies-to-see-before-you-die-modern-classics.html.

Some of these choices I agree with, and some I think are completely off the mark. So I am issuing a challenge to each of you: Submit to me the 100 Movies to See Before You Die that would make your list. Don’t worry; I’m only asking for 10 movies at a time (you can submit the full 100 movie list if you like; but note that if you submit 100 now you can’t go change them later, so since other people’s lists may help remind you of something you want to put on yours, I’d suggest you just stick to 10 at a time). Any comments on your choices (or future comments on the choices of other people) are encouraged. After 10 issues I plan on publishing a complete list of all films included on any list, as well as a count of how many lists each appeared on.

I don’t want this to turn into a contest where you have to match anything or guess anything…just a discussion of films. Still, because this is Eternal Sunshine, I will be offering prizes: two of the respondents who submit a full complement of 100 movies (whether all at once or 10 per issue) will be selected at random for prizes. So to win, all you have to do is play.

Next issue: The first 10 movies from each of you, and from me. Please note: These films are not meant to be placed in order by you, from top to bottom, unless you want to do that for some reason.

Deadline for Your First 10 Films: May 30^th at 7am My Time

The Eternal Sunshine Interview

I’m working on a new interview, but it doesn’t look like it will be done in time for this issue. Watch for it next issue.

In the meantime, I really need some suggestions for future interviews. They need to be people not involved in the Diplomacy hobby. That is the only requirement. They can have any kind of job, or be retired, unemployed…none of that matters. Just someone you know who you think might make an interesting subject for other readers. I don’t think I’ve gotten more than a single suggestion from anyone since I started this section. So get with it!

We're running a "23 tunes" contest here (stolen blatantly from Mark Wightman and the late lamented The Sprouts of Wrath. If anyone would like to send me a tape or CD of their 23 (which was the original point) that would be great, but I don't intend to require that. I will be playing in the sense that I'll be putting 23 tunes in, and you have to guess me, but I obviously won't score points (Heather will be following the same rule as well – participating but not playing). Send commentary with your choices (although the commentary for any songs won’t be printed until the following issue, when the matches are revealed), and we'll see if people can guess who you are!!! And already there is a LOT of diversity in defining tunes and styles, so BE CREATIVE!!!

23 Tunes Game

Here are the rules for 23 TUNES. You send me three tunes for the first turn, and then two tunes in each of the last ten turns for a total of 23. If you missed the first turn, you can still catch up by sending five tunes next issue, and guess on submitters to this issue. Actually, you can send all 23 tunes at once if you want to, but then you’ll need to remember to guess everyone else’s each month. I am also submitting my tunes. After we're done, I'd like to exchange CD's/Tapes for as many of the tunes players as possible, but this is not required. I'll be sending the winner my 23 Tune list. The winner is determined by having you guess each issue who submitted what list (I will tell you who the submitters are). For each song you get right (except those you submitted yourself), you get a point, you also can win bonus points from me for really cool tune selections. That's it, not complicated. I hope by starting this up, we'll get more to join.

So, put simply…you send in the name and artist of songs you really like or have special meaning to you. I print 3 of them the first turn, and 2 year turn after that (you can submit that way, or send in all 23 at once, or anything in between). Each issue I list the songs for that turn, without revealing who submitted which song. I also print a list of who submitted songs (again, without telling you which songs they sent in). Your mission is to match the people with the songs (but no points for your own). Simple. And I’ll offer other prizes as well, to be determined later. If you miss a turn, make it up my sending enough songs to catch up with the other players (and the overdue songs will simply be revealed immediately).

It was pointed out to me that Jim’s version grouped the songs by person, and you got a point by identifying each group. I like it better this way...some of it may seem a bit random, but patterns may emerge and educated guesses can be made.

23 Tunes - Round Two

Submitting songs this issue are: Andy Lischett, Andy York, Brendan Whyte, Chris Babcock, David McCrumb,

Douglas Kent, Geoff Kemp, Hank Alme, Heather Taylor, Jack McHugh, Jim Burgess, Kevin Tighe, Marc Ellinger, Mark Firth, Martin Burgdorf, Melinda Holley, Paraic Reddington, Amber Smith, Phil Murphy, Richard Walkerdine, and Rick Desper.

1. All Along the Watchtower - Jimi Hendrix: Marc Ellinger. Richard Walkerdine “I bought 'Hey Joe' when it first came out and the girl at the record store told me it had been bought in to the charts by the record company - never a better decision. I saw him live at the Royal Albert Hall in London in the 70s. Totally awesome!” Andy Lischett “My Favorite Hendrix tune is The Star Spangled Banner.”

2. All Along the Watchtower (Alternate Take) - Jimi Hendrix: Phil Murphy - Utter brilliance. And fits in so nicely with the reimagined Battlestar Galactica. Two favorites combined. Faaaantastic!.

3. Ball and Biscuit - The White Stripes: Hank Alme.

4. Ballad of a Ballgame - Christine Lavin: Kevin Tighe.

5. Bang Bang Bang - The Virginmarys: Amber Smith.

6. Beautiful Freak – Eels: Chris Babcock. Geoff Kemp “Could never make my mind up about this band.” Correct: GK.

7. Correct: BW. Black Dog - Led Zepplin: Rick Desper. Geoff Kemp “Good choice.” Martin Burgdorf “My former boss was a huge fan of Led Zep.”

8. Blues in the Night - Woody Herman: Andy Lischett - I didn't specify a singer because mostly I love the song - even sung by George Karlin or a buzzard in a Bugs Bunny cartoon. But I'm glad you picked a male singer, as that's who the song was written for. A lot of great women singers did Blues in the Night, but somehow they all try to personalize it with their own lyrics or with scat or something and I think it detracts from the mood.

9. Calling You - Blue October: Hank Alme. Correct: AL.

10. Crocodile Roll - John Williamson: Brendan Whyte. Correct: PR.

11. Dirty Deeds - AC/DC: Melinda Holley. Martin Burgdorf “This song is bloody stupid, nevertheless it is a heavy metal classic.”

12. Dust in the Wind – Kansas: Andy York. Correct: MF.

13. Frankenstein - Edgar Winter Group: Geoff Kemp – Vastly underrated band and track.

14. Girl From East of the River - Wet Wet Wet: Brendan Whyte.

15. Girls on Film - Duran Duran: Jack McHugh. Martin Burgdorf “A typical 80's band.” Correct: MB.

16. Great Southern Land - Ice House: Paraic Reddington.

17. I Can See For Miles - The Who: Mark Firth. Richard Walkerdine “I saw them just once at some smelly little dive in Soho, when they weren't even famous. But by god that was a night to remember!” Andy Lischett “I was never a big Who fan.” Geoff Kemp “Excellent choice.”

18. I Hear Your Car - Mark Cutler: Jim Burgess. Correct: RW.

19. I Will Return – Springwater: Geoff Kemp – One hit wonder, just unusual.

20. Jailhouse Rock - Elvis Presley: Richard Walkerdine - he virtually created modern rock and what a fantastic voice.

21. Jealous Guy - Roxy Music: Martin Burgdorf - A song by John Lennon, but perfectly suited for Bryan Ferry's way of singing. Easy to guess it was me, 'cos I had Ferry last time..

22. Looks Looks Looks – Sparks: Martin Burgdorf - Kent, how could you spell this wrong? Did you not listen to my tape? Chorus: "Looks, Looks, Looks; From the eye to the brains just one inch or two". In any case I chose this song because I am very handsome (not really, just sounds good). . Correct: AL.

23. Love at the Five and Dime - Nancy Griffith: Kevin Tighe. Correct: BW, GK.

24. Love Bites - Def Leppard: Heather Taylor.

25. Objects in the Rear View Mirror May Appear Closer Than They Are - Meat Loaf: Andy York.

26. Paranoid Android – Radiohead: Chris Babcock. Martin Burgdorf “Instrumentally as interesting as  "Bohemian Rapsody" is vocally.”

27. Rangers - A Fine Frenzy: Douglas Kent.

28. Smoke on the Water - Deep Purple: Rick Desper. Geoff Kemp “Got this on the Live in Japan album.”

29. Spark - Tori Amos: Douglas Kent. Correct: MF, HA.

30. Stormy Weather - Ella Fitzgerald: Andy Lischett.

31. Take the High Road - Silly Wizard: Jim Burgess. Correct: RW.

32. The Chain - Fleetwood Mac: Phil Murphy - When I hear this song, all I can think about is that fabulous riff about 3 minutes in - nostalgia for motor racing and Murray Walker commentating on Prost v Senna, Hill v Schumacher and so on. Absolute must for petrol-heads.

33. The Elements - Tom Lehrer: David McCrumb - Not a surprise I like this song since I have a chemistry background. My kids also love Tom Lehrer. They are certainly in the minority not just because at their age they like his songs but by knowing who he is. My son's favorite is 'Poisoning Pigeons in the Park'. My daughter likes 'New Math', probably because she is a teacher. As you may have noticed, we all love satire. Correct: MF.

34. The High Road - Broken Bells: Marc Ellinger. Geoff Kemp “Sorry, never heard of this.”

35. The Irish Rover - The Dubliners: Paraic Reddington. Geoff Kemp “Superb band for a rollicking good evening.” Correct: AL, GK, PM, MB.

36. The Lord'll Provide - Mike Cross: David McCrumb - A regional singer from North Carolina. I like his music a lot, especially his ballads. This one is great because it is irreverent yet tells a great story.

37. The Uninvited Guest – Marillion: Mark Firth.

38. Time to Play the Game – Motorhead: Melinda Holley.

39. Tremble - Lou Rhodes: Amber Smith. Correct: MB.

40. Waterloo – ABBA: Richard Walkerdine - As soon as I saw the costumes and heard them start to sing I knew the contest was won. Andy Lischett “I’m mad that I didn’t think of Waterloo. I love this song.” Correct: BW.

41. Your Song - Elton John: Heather Taylor. Richard Walkerdine “Any Elton song is memorable and this is by no means down on the list. Seen him twice now and hoping for more.” Correct: MH, AL.

42. You've Got It - Roy Orbison: Jack McHugh. Richard Walkerdine “Oh my, the big 'O'. Everything he did was brilliant and please god why did he have to go so soon?” Correct: AS.

Scores This Round: Andy Lischett [AL] – 4; Brendan Whyte [BW] – 3; Mark Firth [MF] – 3; Martin Burfdorf [MB] – 3; Geoff Kemp [GK] – 3; Richard Walkerdine [RW] – 2; Phil Murphy [PM] – 1; Melinda Holley [MH] – 1; Amber Smith [AS] – 1; Paraic Reddington [PR] – 1; Hank Alme [HA] - 1.

Total Scores (of those who submitted at least some guesses): Martin Burgdorf [MB] – 12; Andy Lischett [AL] – 10; Paraic Reddington [PR] – 10; Jim Burgess [JB] – 9; Brendan Whyte [BW] – 7; Geoff Kemp [GK] – 7; Richard Walkerdine [RW] – 6; Melinda Holley [MH] – 6; Hank Alme [HA] – 6; Chris Babcock [CB] – 5; Mark Firth [MF] – 5; Marc Ellinger [ME] – 4; Amber Smith [AS] – 1; Kevin Tighe [KT] - 0.

23 Tunes - Round Three

Submitting songs this issue are: Andy Lischett, Andy York, Brendan Whyte, David McCrumb, Douglas Kent, Geoff Kemp, Hank Alme, Heather Taylor, Jim Burgess, Mark Firth, Martin Burgdorf, Melinda Holley, Paraic Reddington, Amber Smith, Phil Murphy, Richard Walkerdine, and Rick Desper.

1. A Case of You - Nancy Wilson

2. Black Sheep - Metric

3. Cruel Summer - Bananarama

4. Dance Tonight - Paul McCartney

5. Funky Gibbon - The Goodies

6. Glam Racket - The Fall

7. Goodbye Earl - Dixie Chicks

8. Hallelujah Chorus - Handel

9. Hide and Seek - Howard Jones

10. Hot Potato, Hot Potato - The Wiggles

11. I Ended Up With You - Robert Cray

12. I Got You Babe - Sonny and Cher

13. I Know What Boys Like - The Waitresses

14. Life on Mars - David Bowie

15. Love Shack - B-52's

16. Sacred Head Sore - Johann Sebastian Bach

17. Post Break-up Sex - The Vaccines

18. Rhiannon - Fleetwood Mac

19. Rust - Telekenesis

20. S&M - Rihanna

21. Scarborough Fair - Traditional

22. Sledgehammer - Peter Gabriel

23. Somebody Told Me - The Killers

24. Something About You - Level 42

25. Space Oddity - David Bowie

26. Stay - Shakespeare's Sister

27. Still Alive - Jonathan Coulton

28. Teenage Kicks - The Undertones

29. The Grass is Blue - Dolly Parton

30. The Rocky Road to Dublin - Dubliners

31. This Land is Your Land - Woody Guthrie

32. Up the Pool - Jethro Tull

33. Veronica - Elvis Costello

34. Wuthering Heights - Kate Bush

For Round Four: Send in 2 more songs of your own (4 songs if you missed submitting in Round Three, 6 if you missed Round Two, and 10 if you missed Round One). Then try to match each song listed here with the person who submitted it (except your own; remember there are now 2 songs for each player). You can add commentary on your own songs, or any of the other songs; commentary is encouraged!

Deadline for Round Three of 23 Tunes is May 29th at 7pm my time.

That’s the day BEFORE the regular zine deadline.

Jack McHugh: i liked the current issue...but i don't know any of the movie quotes this time....did people really guess the songs other people submitted? Did JB and someone else really guess my songs? Geez, I hardly ever talk music with anyone but you...how the hell did they know???

[[Maybe they just remember a comment you might have made a long time ago, or maybe it was dumb luck? Heck, there’s a simple way to always get two points every round – but I won’t tell you what it is.]]

Richard Walkerdine: Sorry to hear your head is not on straight (though maybe not too surprised), probably reminds me a bit of my own. But please get well, we need you up and running.

[[The chiropractor and staff have helped quite a bit, especially with the migraines. I have some problem areas still to work on, especially my middle back and my lowest ribs (and the muscle areas that wrap around the side).]]

And your doctor Yu reminds me of a very old music hall song from the 1890s or thereabouts (oh Mr Yu, what should I do?...can't remember the rest).

[[Don’t know what one, but then my mind immediately jumps to Steely Dan’s Dr. Wu.]]

Brendan Whyte: Electric Football  -- ah, the only way to play.  As in real life “Unfortunately, they’d move in random directions, and there was simply to way to sit through an entire game before you gave up in frustration. The only thing you could count on was a bunch of players locking arm in arm and do-si-do-ing off the field or in endless circles.”  Do these armoured pansies never draw blood?

[[Surprisingly the latest studies suggest the helmets create more injuries than they prevent, because they make a player feel like they cannot be hurt…and they can be used as a weapon in a tackle.]]

This electrified game was recently perfected by British using horses: Instructions for play: Erect modern stadium over century old and long forgotten buried cables. Await rain. Send players out with metal sprigs onto grass. Enjoy watching them shaking and vibrating until they all fall down.  Rid world of pointless ‘game’ where players wear towelette loincloths and padding (any sport that requires padding is for nancy boys, and should be eliminated along with all its aficionados.)

[[I get the feeling you’re not a fan…]]

Paraic Reddington: I love the ‘There wasn’t much to do back then’ article. Some great memories. Re the army men – the first casualty in war is not innocence; it’s the guy with the mine detector (followed quickly by the guy with the rifle held over his head). I hated those two. My favorite was the captain with the pistol. He was an awesome shot with that thing, which is especially impressive because he was always looking backways (to call on those cowards with the rifles in the air).

[[I always liked the mortar guys. And the flamethrowers. The minesweepers were cool but not great offensively.]]

I would also like to publicly ask Paul Milewski to calculate, formulate, tabulate and postulate the odds of random successful guesses for the 23 tunes. Would we be better off just letting Excel choose for us?

[[Paul?]]

Andy Lischett: I set up a spreadsheet and typed in people and their tunes, and maybe that will help find some patterns. Of course, people may change patterns and I might do just as well randomly picking names. I'm hoping that Kevin Tighe' Round 1 pick of Silly Wizard didn't spur someone else to pick the same group. Likewise with Blue October.

Though I spent time setting up a spreadsheet, I'm NOT going to listen to all of the unknown songs. I think I should do my taxes instead.   Again, there are a lot of great songs here, and a lot that I've never heard of.

[[Well Andy, perhaps you can give Paraic a hand too?]]

Mark Nelson: I cleared up some papers from my office the other week. It was like an archaeological. The newer papers were at the top. Each new layer revealed papers of increasing age. At the very bottom of the pile were Maniac's Paradise 4 (January 2003) and 5 (February 2003). Is a gap of eight years between receiving a fanzine and loccing a record?

[[Actually that would be Maniac’s Paradise Lost, which was my attempt at restarting Maniac’s Paradise years later.]]

I guess I am too late to apply for the position of "Hobby Toady"!

[[That position is always open. Can you list your qualifications?]]

Well, I read the zines. They were filed adjacent to the final issues of Costaguana (295, April 2002). That seems appropriate somehow as you had a letter from Conrad in one of those issues.

[[And now Conrad is back in the publishing world, having taken over Where is My Mind? (WIMM)]]

Kevin Tighe: "Classic Tighe wit"??  I have no idea what you're talking about.   I mean, um, gosh, thanks.

[[Whatever, you’re insulting me and embarrassing yourself. False modesty does not serve you well.]]

My cousin had the electronic football game.  He had the later version, for movement stability it had metal plates on top of the base.  He drew a line across the front third - that was a tackle.  There were 4 teams Pack, Bears, Niners, Vikes that he painted (including #'s).   House rules included pulling guards for a power sweep (Lombardi was our god), RB's and MLB were allowed two movement changes, and you could practice your passes, but had to throw with the power on.  It was fun.

Best part of the 64 color Crayola box was the crayon sharpener in the back.

[[Yes, that helped. Of course these days many of our favorite colors no longer exist…or if they do they have been renamed.]]

GI Joe was way too big to play with, I preferred my army men and cowboys & Indians (oh, I mean freedom loving capitalists & indigenous population).

[[The thing with GI Joe is you rare DID anything with him. You just had him. My pal Steve Hopkins had some cool Roman-style soldiers and a big Guns of Navarone-like mountain thing which made for great rubber band wars.]]

Amber Smith: I used to pack into a wagon that looked just like this one. My brother and I would pull the wagon up a hill and then ride down in the together. 99.9% of the time we had to stop with a crash or risk crashing into a creek bed. Good Memories!

Phil Murphy: Did you watch Game of Thrones on TV yet? Very, very good. Books aren't bad, either.

[[So I am told! We don’t have HBO so I’ll wait for the DVDs, but I’ll have to look for the books!]]

Brain Farts: The Only Subsubzine With It’s Own Fragrance

By Jack “Flapjack” McHugh – jack@diplomacyworld.net

(or just email Doug and he’ll send it to me)

Issue #30

I lost my job…meaning the contract ran out and wasn’t renewed (I didn’t get fired, just not rehired). This may be my Dad’s last weekend; they say there is nothing more they can do for him. Can’t wait to see what terrible news I get hit with next. At least I still have my good looks and charm, but how far can they take me?

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 AM and is asked where he is going at this time of night.

The man replies, “I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and
the effects it has on the human body, the problems it causes in a marriage, and other long term effects of drinking.”

The officer then asks, “Really? Who is giving that kind of lecture at this time of night?”

The man replies, “My wife.”

A small zoo in Georgia obtained a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.

Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species.

The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Bobby Lee was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?

Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.

The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under five conditions:

"First", Bobby Lee said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips." The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.

"Second", he said, "She must wear a 'Dale Earnhardt Forever' T-Shirt." The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

"Third", he said, "you can't never tell no one about this." The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

"Fourth", Bobby Lee said, "I want all the children raised Southern Baptist." Once again it was agreed.

"And last," Bobby Lee said, "I'll need another week to come up with the $500.00.

GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa - half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe - well-developed and open to trade, especially
for something of real value.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain - very hot, relaxed, and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece & gently aging, but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all-conquering past..

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel - has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, and takes care of business.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada - cool, self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.

After 70, she becomes Tibet - wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages.... an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN

Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran - ruled by a couple of nuts

SENSITIVITY TRAINING

A young Naval Officer was in a terrible car accident, but due to the heroics of the hospital staff the only permanent injury was the loss of one ear. Since he wasn't physically impaired he remained in the military and eventually became an Admiral. However, during his career he was always sensitive about his appearance.

One day the Admiral was interviewing two Navy Master Chiefs and a Marine Sergeant Major for his personal staff.

The first Master Chief was a Surface Navy type and it was a great interview. At the end of the interview the Admiral asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?"

The Master Chief answered, "Why yes sir. I couldn't help but notice you are missing your starboard ear, so I don't know whether this impacts your hearing on that side."

The Admiral got very angry at this lack of tact and threw him out of his office.

The next candidate, an Aviation Master Chief, when asked this same question, answered, "Well yes sir, you seem to be short one ear." The Admiral threw him out also.

The third interview was with the Marine Sergeant Major. He was articulate, extremely sharp, and seemed to know more than the two Master Chiefs put together. The Admiral wanted this guy, but went ahead with the same question. "Do you notice anything different about me?"

To his surprise the Sergeant Major said, "Yes, sir. You wear contact lenses."

The Admiral was impressed and thought to himself, what an incredibly tactful Marine. "And how do you know that?" the Admiral asked.

The Sergeant Major replied, "Well sir, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with only one fuckin' ear."

NO FEAR

by Richard Walkerdine

The Sunday church service was due to begin in about five minutes and the congregation was already assembled, sitting in their pews.

Suddenly Satan appeared at the altar, eyes burning like coals, screaming at the top of his voice and brandishing a huge whip.

It was pandemonium, with the whole congregation shouting and crying, pushing each other out of the way as they all scrambled for the exit trying to get away from evil incarnate.

All, that is, except for one elderly man who just remained on his pew, sitting quietly near the back of the church, seemingly unaware that God’s ultimate enemy was in his presence.

Satan advanced on him. “Do you know who I am?” he bellowed.

“Sure do,” replied the elderly man.

“Aren’t you afraid of me?” snarled Satan.

The elderly man just looked at him. “Nope,” he replied.

“Do you understand I could kill you with a single word?” shouted the ultimate creature of evil.

“Don’t doubt it for a minute,” was the reply.

“Don’t you realise I can cause you profound horrifying agony for all eternity?” persisted Satan.

“Yep,” was the calm reply.

“And you’re still not afraid?” asked Satan.

“Nope,” replied the elderly man.

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, “So why aren’t you afraid of me?”

The man just shrugged his shoulders and looked into Satan’s eyes. “Been married to your sister for forty-five years.”

FRANCE

by Richard Walkerdine

God created the heavens and the Earth and was mightily pleased. He looked down on His creation and smiled as He realised what a wonderful universe He had created and what a beautiful world the Earth was.

But then He received a delegation. Many of the leaders of the nations on Earth were demanding an audience with Him. Of course, He granted their wish.

“Well, the thing is God,” said one of the leaders, “we really like Earth. You’ve done a great job and we are really pleased with it. But there is just one problem.”

God frowned. “A problem?” He said. “But what can that be?”

One of the other leaders spoke. “I’m sorry God, but it’s France,” he said. “France has got the most beautiful countryside, the most wonderful architecture, the most magnificent paintings and by far the most splendid wine in the whole world. I mean, it’s just not fair. The other nations just can’t compete!”

God thought for a moment. “Ah,” He said, “yes, you make a good point and I see what you mean. Leave it with me and I will do what I can to redress the balance.”

The delegation bowed and left, confident that God would do the right thing.

And He did.

He created the French!

HEARTTHROBS - PART 1

by Richard Walkerdine

I guess I first became aware of how nice girls were when I was in my very early teens – as I’m sure most guys do (and the girls start noticing boys at that age as well, of course). But in those days (we are talking the early 60s here) the really stunning ones who young guys (and probably old guys too) absolutely adored were the movie stars and, in particular, the pop stars. I fell in love with dozens, knowing full well that I would never get to meet any of them but I could always dream. They became my heartthrobs and I intend to list a few (quite a lot actually). It would be nice if other readers (guys and girls) could add some of their own – don’t be shy, we’re all friends here.

First up for me is Petula Clark.

The first love of my life. I guess I was maybe 14 and ‘Downtown’ was top of the charts. I can still remember helping my school friend Richard Linford build a trap to catch mice in the woods opposite our school when Pet was at number 1. And no, we never caught anything – our trap was total rubbish. She went off to marry a Frenchman and live happily ever after – much to my regret.

A year or two later it was Patsy Ann Noble.

I doubt than any of you will have even heard of her. She was an Australian girl who had a lot of success in her native land as a teenage singer and then came to the UK to further her career. Alas, despite releasing a dozen or so singles (and yes, I have copies of all of them) she never made the charts. She then changed her name to Trisha Noble and became quite a successful actress in various soaps in the USA. In her late forties her father, who still lived in Australia, was taken seriously ill and Trisha went back to look after him. Although he was expected to die fairly soon he actually survived for several years, but by then Trisha’s career in the USA was ended. She appeared in several stage shows and musicals in Australia and more or less revived her original success there, but all prospects of World stardom were now ended. She still has me as a fan though.

Next on the list is the iconic Sandie Shaw.

And what an icon she was. Totally gorgeous (and yes, she knew it) and every guys dream girl of that generation. Her real name was Sandra Goodrich and at the very start of her career she signed up with a female manager who invited her for an evening meal to discuss how she would be promoted. Her manager’s husband was also present and they got to discussing what should be her stage name. The discussion went on for ages and young Sandie (still only about 17) was getting really bored, so, as a joke, she said, “Look, my friends all call me Sandie, so how about Sandie Shaw?” (Sandy Shore, gettit?). Neither her manager nor her manager’s husband got the joke. Instead there was a pause. “Hmmm...Sandie Shaw...I like that...it’s short and snappy and people will remember it...yes, let’s go with that.” And a star was borne.

And the story behind her winning the Eurovision Song Contest with ‘Puppet On a String’ and the reason behind her never having any great success in the USA is so long it will have to be the subject of a separate article.

Who next? It’s got to be Twinkle – but that’s for next month.

[[I know that Richard would love to have some of you write in about your early crushes and loves. I’ll be printing mine next month, and any you send me will go to the letter column or to Richard (I need to check with him to see what he prefers.]]

The Twisting Tale

This is a rotating story, with a different author every issue, and a chapter of 500 words. Paraic Reddington wrote in with the suggestion and Chapter 1. If you’d like to participate, please email me and let me know, and if you are one of the first to respond I will nominate you for Chapter 3 and ask you to send in your chapter for the next issue. Let’s see if we can get some readers off their butts and writing! So far only Andy Lischett has expressed his willingness to have a go…

Email me at dougray30@yahoo.com if you’d like to participate!

Chapter 2 – Lies

By Andy Lischett

And there it was, “I love you,” sent at 2:47 AM to all twenty-seven people on his email address list, including some who he did not love, like a tax consultant and his sister’s bastard ex-husband.

Trying to think through the fuzz he wondered where he had been last night after midnight and who he had thought he loved at 2:47. And why was he talking like an Irishman? Buggering bollocks, he was a furniture salesman in San Diego, and his family had come from Germany about a million years ago. But sure he felt like shite.

Out of the corner of his ear the murmuring television caught his attention. Just before it switched to the weather he turned to see a woman with a microphone in front of a yellow tape in front of a place called Halloran’s Irish Pub. Between the bar and the tape were several police vehicles left at odd angles, and neatly parked on the right edge of the picture was his grey Honda Civic.

“Oh.”

Sobered, he tried other stations but they were all going to national news. He tried the magical internet but all he could find were last night’s lottery numbers, and, anyway, he kind of had to get out of there.

He swallowed some aspirin and grabbed a bottle of Gatorade and walked the three blocks to his sister’s house.

“Can I borrow the Austin-Healey for a day or two? My car broke again,” he lied.

“What’s wrong with it?”

“It’s Japanese.”

“What’s wrong with it?”

“The transmission, I think. They towed it to the dealer last night. Should be ready today.”

“Yeah?”

“Forget it. I have to get to work. I’ll take the subway.” They used to live in Chicago.

“Give me five minutes and I’ll take you.”

“No, I’ll call a cab. Thanks a ton.”

“Okay. Here’s the key. Park it in the side lot away from shopping carts and somewhere you can watch it, and not under any trees.” She liked her car. “If you scratch it I’m hiring a hit man.” As he hit the garage door button she grabbed his Gatorade and said, “No food.”    

Heading home for supplies he felt bad about lying to his sister. But he needed a car and she might eventually forgive him. As he turned onto his street a brown Ford pulled to the curb in front of his house, so he continued to the next corner and headed east. He would buy sun glasses and a change of clothes on the way to New Mexico. And powdered doughnuts and Cheetos. No food?  Hah!

San Diego police detective Susan “Baby” LaSeuer was trying to identify the man found dead behind a bar on Miramar Rd. that morning. One of the two cars left in the bar’s lot the night before belonged to a woman who’d been driven home by a friend, while the registered owner of the other car did not answer his telephone or door. She had left a message for his employer to call her.

The sun was shining, the Healey was purring and growling along the mountain roads and he felt good. His mood was ruined, though, when he turned on the radio and Bo Diddley asked, “Who do you love?”

Diplomacy (Black Press – Permanent Opening in ES): Signed up: Don Williams, Melinda Holley, Brad Wilson, needs four more to fill. Sign up now!

Balkan Wars VI – To be Guest GM’d by Brad Wilson: Signed up: Kent (that’s me folks), needs 6 more. Contact Brad to sign up at bwdolphin146 “of” yahoo.com. New opening – sign up now!!!

Narnian Wars (Black Press): A variant based on the C.S. Lewis world of Narnia. I ran this once or twice in Maniac’s Paradise. Rules and map contained in this issue. None signed up, needs 8 to fill. I need two players by next issue!

Cline 9-Man Diplomacy V (Black Press): The most popular of the Cline 9-Man version. Rules and map in ES #47. Signed Up: Graham Wilson, Brad Wilson, Phil Murphy, Jack McHugh, needs five more. Let’s fill this, people! I’ll give it one more try. I want at least two more players by next issue or I will drop it!

Everybody Plays Diplomacy (Black Press): An ongoing everyone-plays variant. Rules are in ES #47. Join in at any time!

By Popular Demand: Game currently underway, join any time.

23 Tunes: Game currently underway, join any time.

Eternal Sunshine Movie Quote Quiz: 10 rounds, join any time. You can find it at the end of the zine.

Standby List: HELP! I need standby players! – Current standby list: Graham Wilson, Jim Burgess (Dip only), Lance Anderson (Dip only), Martin Burgdorf, Paul Milewski (Dip only), Brad Wilson, Kevin Tighe (Dip only), Chris Babcock, Don Williams, and whoever I beg into it in an emergency.

I’m going to continue to go through my files and seeing what other variants I can offer, until I find one that gets enough interest to fill. When I offer a variant I’ll give it an issue or two, but if nobody signs up I’ll drop the opening and replace it. If somebody wants to guest-GM a game of anything, just get in touch. If you have specific game requests please let me know.

Diplomacy “Dulcinea” 2008C, Winter 1912

Seasons Separated by Player Request

Austria (Lance Anderson – lance_anderson “of” hotmail.com): Build A Vienna, A Budapest,

Build A Trieste..Has A Belgium, A Berlin, A Budapest, A Kiel, A Munich, A Paris, A Piedmont, A Rumania,

A Serbia, A Silesia, A Trieste, F Tuscany, A Vienna.

England (Philip Murphy trekkypj “of” gmail.com): Build A Liverpool, F London..Has F Denmark, A Finland,

A Gascony, F Irish Sea, A Liverpool, F London, F Portugal, F Spain(sc), F St Petersburg(nc), A Wales.

Germany (William Wood – wxmanwill “of” hotmail.com): Disband A Kiel..Has A Marseilles, A Ruhr.

Turkey (Jim Burgess – jfburgess “of” gmail.com): Retreat F Spain(sc) – Gulf of Lyon..Has F Bulgaria(ec),

F Greece, F Gulf of Lyon, A Livonia, F Mid-Atlantic Ocean, A Moscow, F North Africa, F Tunis,

F Western Mediterranean.

Spring 1913 Deadline is May 30th at 7:00am my time

PRESS

All Press is held over until Spring.

“Dulcinea” Diplomacy Bourse

Billy Ray Valentine: MIA.

Duke of York: No orders, out of spite.

Smaug the Dragon: Sells 500 Marks. Buys 599 Crowns.

Rothschild: Sells 500 Marks, 500 Piastres. Buys 392 Crowns, 337 Pounds.

Baron Wuffet: All hold.

Wooden Nickel Enterprises: Sells 500 Marks, 500 Piastres, 500 Pounds. Buys 1366 Crowns.

VAIONT Enterprises: Sells 500 Pounds. Buys 581 Crowns.

Insider Trading LLC: Hiding from the SEC.

Bourse Master: Sells 500 Piastres,125 Pounds. Buys 500 Crowns.

Next Bourse Deadline is May 29th at 7:00pm my time

PRESS

Death of the Germans: Another equalizer?

Rothschild to Smaug: You may be right, but my portfolio has still the highest value and yours the lowest value among all players.

AN ADVERTISMENT IN THE LONDON TIMES.
HELP WANTED:- Daenerys Targaryen, Stormborn, the Unburnt, Mother of Dragons, Khaleesi of the Dothraki, Trueborn Queen of the Andals, Rhoynar, and the First Men, and Lady of the Seven Kingdoms seeks a Dragon for immediate start in the vengence business. Must have prior experience of combat. The ideal candidate will be a powerful dragon with combat training and experience of using dragonfire as an offensive weapon. Must be willing to work with soldiers, horses and beasts of burden. Immediate start for the right candidate. Apply to Magister Illyrio of Pentos, for immediate interview.

SMAUG TO ALL: I am having enormous fun watching this.... Game of Thrones on HBO  - Now I'm off to King's Landing to roast me some Lannisters. 'Hear me roar' indeed! *snorts flames*

Duke of York: I hate churners!!!

VAIONT Enterprises to Tolkein Lizard:   You’re surprised France was a bad investment?  Seriously?  Were you not paying attention to the player list?  Did that tell you nothing?  The only investment worth less – and you shall see this shortly – is Piastres.  The Sultan is a Hapsburg puppet, and has been since the game started.  That’s the only explanation that explains for us the how and why of Jim Burgess surviving this long.  When push comes to shove, Turkey will take a dive at Austria’s bidding.  William’s a good player but had too many friends – tragic, really, as we’ve always admired the stability of the currency.  For us, it was always a question of Crown vs Pound; it’s still a good question, but I’m putting my exchange rate on those faux-Turkish fleets doing the Archduke’s endgame knife work.

Diplomacy “Just a Taste” 2009C, After Spring 1910

An F/G Draw was proposed and passed by all players!

Sendin your end-game statements for next issue!

PRESS

France: Huge thanks to everyone in this game and to Doug for GMing as ever. Also special thanks to Graham for playing to the end despite the obvious outcome. I’ve said it before – I think a 17-17 is a far harder result to achieve than a solo. You’re a good man Philip and I look forward to playing with you in the future. Of course in that game I will stab you so hard you’ll think you are a teabag!!

G to F:  At last.... peace. Now what say we throw an epic party to celebrate the end of the war? I know the perfect place.

G to Turkey: What, us? Convoy around the world to Smyrna?  Is Europe, North Africa and the Middle East not enough for you?*grin*

White Press Diplomacy “Creepshow” 2009D, W 08/S 09

England (Chuy Cronin – chuykdc_92 “of” hotmail.com): F Denmark Supports A Kiel,

F Helgoland Bight Supports A Kiel, F North Atlantic Ocean Convoys A St Petersburg – Syria,

A Norway Hold (*Disbanded*), F Norwegian Sea Convoys A St Petersburg - Syria.

France (Michael Cronin – mfmcronin “of” q.com): No moves received, plays 1 short.. A Belgium Hold,

F Brest Hold, A Burgundy Hold, A Kiel Hold, F Mid-Atlantic Ocean Hold, A Piedmont Hold, A Ruhr Hold.

Italy (Graham Wilson – grahamaw “of” rogers.com): No units.

Russia (Kevin Wilson - ckevinw “of” comcast.net): Build A Moscow.. F Barents Sea Supports

A Finland – Norway, A Berlin Supports A Munich – Kiel, A Finland – Norway, A Moscow - St Petersburg (*Fails*),

A Munich - Kiel (*Fails*), F Rumania Hold, A Silesia - Munich (*Fails*), F Sweden Supports A Finland – Norway,

A Tyrolia Supports A Silesia - Munich (*Fails*).

Turkey (Larry Cronin – lcroninmd “of” msn.com): Build A Smyrna..A Smyrna watches longest returning

convoy ever comes home, A Bulgaria watches in wonder as the longest ever convoy comes home,

F Venice watches in wonder as the longest ever convoy comes home, A Rome watches in wonder as the longest

ever convoy comes home, F Apulia watches in wonder as the longest ever convoy comes home,

F Eastern Mediterranean Convoys A St Petersburg – Syria, F Ionian Sea Convoys A St Petersburg - Syria,

A St Petersburg - Syria (*Fails*), A Trieste Supports F Venice,

F Tyrrhenian Sea Convoys A St Petersburg – Syria, F Western Mediterranean Convoys A St Petersburg - Syria.

Would Paul Milewski standby for France?

Fall 1909 Deadine is May 30th at 7:00am my time

PRESS

None. You guys suck…

Black Press Gunboat, “Maple Sugar,” 2009Crb32, W 10/S 11

Austria: A Budapest - Serbia (*Bounce*), A Tyrolia - Piedmont (*Dislodged*, retreat to Trieste or OTB),

A Venice Supports A Tyrolia - Piedmont (*Cut*), A Vienna - Bohemia (*Bounce*).

France: F Tunis - North Africa.

Germany: Build F Kiel, Build A Berlin.. A Berlin - Silesia (*Fails*), A Bohemia – Tyrolia, F Edinburgh – Clyde,

F Gulf of Bothnia – Sweden, F Kiel – Holland, A Livonia Supports A St Petersburg – Moscow,

A Marseilles Supports A Piedmont, A Munich Supports A Bohemia – Tyrolia,

F North Atlantic Ocean - Mid-Atlantic Ocean, F Norway - Norwegian Sea,

A Piedmont Supports A Tuscany - Venice (*Cut*), A Prussia Supports A Warsaw,

A Silesia - Bohemia (*Bounce*), A St Petersburg - Moscow (*Fails*), A Tuscany - Venice (*Fails*),

A Warsaw Supports A St Petersburg - Moscow (*Cut*).

Italy: F Naples Supports A Rome, A Rome Supports F Naples

Russia: No Moves Received! Removes F Liverpool..A Moscow Holds, F Barents Sea Holds.

Turkey: F Apulia Supports A Venice, F Constantinople - Black Sea, A Galicia - Warsaw (*Fails*),

F Ionian Sea - Adriatic Sea, A Rumania - Serbia (*Bounce*), F Sevastopol Hold, F Tyrrhenian Sea - Gulf of Lyon,

A Ukraine Supports A Moscow.

Now Proposed – Concession to Germany. Please vote!

Fall 11 Deadline is May 30th at 7:00am my time

PRESS:

E->G: No hard feelings, sir.  Since I was crushed by the G/R alliance, my only goal was to split said alliance.  It didn't matter which of you won, as long as the other lost.  Congrats to you.  Your victory was well
earned.

T => A: I shall neither attack any I sc or unit nor shall I support any other power against Vittorio Emanuele III. I encourage I to order F Nap - TYS and F to order F Tun - WMS.

Fra-Tur: Didn’t want to stop any move you might make to WMS. Getting ready for fleet onslaught. Hope you decide to keep Tunis free so I can help on the front line.

T => G: ...then you will win this game. Congratulations!

Germany - World: Could have been all over with 'A War S A StP - Mos' and I'm still not sure why 'A War H'?!

One final push coming up though!

Austria: There is no way Germany can be stopped from getting that 18 SC so AH Proposes and votes for Concession to Germany. 

E->R: Nyah nyah nyah nyah.

Graustark Game 2002D, W 20/S 21

England (Fred Wiedemeyer – wiedem “of” planet.eon.net): Retreat F North Sea – Norwegian Sea,

Remove F Yorkshire.. A Edinburgh - Liverpool (*Bounce*), F Norwegian Sea - Norway (*Fails*).

France (Andy Lischett – andy “of” lischett.com): A Belgium Hold, A Bulgaria Supports A Serbia,

F Constantinople Hold, F English Channel Supports F North Sea – London, F Ionian Sea Hold,

F Irish Sea - Liverpool (*Bounce*), A Liverpool – Clyde, F Mid-Atlantic Ocean Hold,

F North Atlantic Ocean Supports A Liverpool – Clyde, A Paris Hold, F Picardy Supports F English Channel,

A Piedmont Hold, A Serbia Supports A Bulgaria, F Smyrna Hold, A Trieste Supports A Serbia,

A Venice Supports A Trieste, A Wales Supports F North Sea - London.

Germany (Michael Quirk – michaelpquirk “of” cs.com): A Ankara Hold, A Berlin Hold,

A Budapest Supports A Rumania, F Helgoland Bight Supports F Skagerrak - North Sea, A Holland Hold,

A Kiel Supports A Holland, A Munich Hold, F North Sea – London, A Norway Hold,

A Rumania Supports A Budapest, A Silesia – Bohemia, F Skagerrak - North Sea, F Sweden Hold,

A Vienna Supports A Budapest.

Fall 21 Deadline is May 30th at 7:00am my time

PRESS

None. You guys suck…

Graustark Diplomacy Game 2006A, Fall 1910

Austria (Don Williams – dwilliams “of” fontana.org): A Albania Supports A Serbia,

A Budapest - Rumania (*Disbanded*), F Naples - Ionian Sea (*Bounce*),

A Serbia Supports A Budapest - Rumania (*Cut*), A Trieste Supports A Serbia (*Disbanded*).

England (Fred Wiedemeyer – wiedem “of” planet.eon.net): F Brest - Mid-Atlantic Ocean (*Fails*),

F English Channel Supports F Brest - Mid-Atlantic Ocean, F Irish Sea Supports F Brest - Mid-Atlantic Ocean,

F North Atlantic Ocean Supports F Brest - Mid-Atlantic Ocean, F Norway Hold, A Paris - Gascony (*Fails*),

A Picardy - Brest (*Fails*), F St Petersburg(nc) Hold.

France (Hank Alme – almehj “of” alumni.rice.edu): F Portugal Supports F Mid-Atlantic Ocean.

Germany (Harley Jordan – harleyj “of” alum.mit.edu): F Baltic Sea Hold, A Burgundy – Marseilles,

A Gascony - Spain (*Fails*), A Tuscany – Rome, A Tyrolia – Trieste, A Venice Supports A Tyrolia – Trieste,

A Vienna Supports A Tyrolia - Trieste.

Italy (Jim Burgess – jfburgess “of” gmail.com): Retreat F Gascony - Spain(nc)..

F Mid-Atlantic Ocean Supports F Portugal (*Cut*), F North Africa Supports F Mid-Atlantic Ocean,

F Spain(nc) Supports F Mid-Atlantic Ocean (*Cut*), F Western Mediterranean Supports F Mid-Atlantic Ocean.

Russia (John Biehl – jerbil “of” shaw.ca): F Aegean Sea - Ionian Sea (*Bounce*),

F Black Sea – Constantinople, A Bulgaria Supports A Greece – Serbia, A Galicia Supports A Rumania – Budapest,

A Greece - Serbia (*Fails*), A Rumania – Budapest, A Sevastopol – Moscow, A Ukraine – Rumania,

A Warsaw - Livonia.

Supply Center chart

Austria: Naples, Serbia=2, Remove 1

England: Belgium, Brest, Edinburgh, Liverpool, London, Norway, Paris, St Petersburg=8, Even

France: Portugal=1, Even

Germany: Berlin, Denmark, Holland, Kiel, Marseilles, Munich, Rome, Sweden, Trieste,

Venice, Vienna=11, Build 3 (and will play 1 short)

Italy: Spain, Tunis=2, Remove 2

Russia: Ankara, Budapest, Bulgaria, Constantinople, Greece, Moscow, Rumania, Sevastopol,

Smyrna, Warsaw=10, Build 1

W 10/S 11 Deadline is May 30th at 7:00am my time

PRESS:

None. You guys suck…

Black Press Gunboat, “Scream” 2010Brb32, W 03/S 04

England: Build waived.. A London Hold, F Norway Supports A St Petersburg (*Cut*),

F Norwegian Sea Supports F Norway, A St Petersburg Supports A Moscow (*Ordered to Move*).

France: A Burgundy - Ruhr (*Dislodged*, retreat to Paris or Gascony or OTB),

F English Channel Supports A Paris – Picardy, A Gascony – Marseilles, F Marseilles - Gulf of Lyon,

A Paris - Picardy.

Germany: Disband A Burgundy.. Build A Munich.. A Belgium Supports A Munich – Burgundy,

F Denmark Supports F Holland - North Sea (*Fails*), F Holland - North Sea (*Fails*), A Munich – Burgundy,

F North Sea - London (*Fails*), A Ruhr Supports A Munich - Burgundy.

Italy: A Albania - Serbia (*Fails*), F Greece Supports A Albania - Serbia (*Disbanded*), A Piedmont – Tyrolia,

F Rome – Naples, A Trieste Supports A Albania - Serbia (*Dislodged*, retreat to Venice or OTB).

Russia: Retreat F Norway - Sweden.. Build A Warsaw.. A Budapest – Trieste,

A Moscow - St Petersburg (*Fails*), F Rumania Supports A Bulgaria (*Ordered to Move*),

A Serbia Supports A Budapest - Trieste (*Cut*), F Skagerrak Supports F Sweden – Norway,

F Sweden - Norway (*Fails*), A Vienna Supports A Budapest – Trieste, A Warsaw - Livonia.

Turkey: Build F Smyrna.. A Bulgaria – Greece, A Constantinople – Bulgaria,

F Ionian Sea Supports A Bulgaria – Greece, F Smyrna - Aegean Sea, F Tunis - Tyrrhenian Sea.

Summer/Fall 04 Deadline is May 30th at 7:00am my time

PRESS:

TURKEY to Mos – The usual DMZs if you please.

star trek press; captains log suplemental;we have taken at least temporarily another gorn  star base
if we can hold it we will be able to build another galaxy class star ship like the enterprize.

on the other hand the klingons have entered the neutral zone and are poised to attack new earth coloney.
the romulins are still in the neutral zone near new mars colony  and the troop transport ronald reagan.

if the klingons and or the romulans attack we are not going to survive.kirk out!

Diplomacy “Dublin Boys” 2010D, S 02

Austria (Paul Milewski – paul.milewski “of” hotmail.com): A Budapest – Galicia,

A Rumania Supports A Budapest - Galicia (*Dislodged*, retreat to Bulgaria or Budapest or OTB),

A Serbia Supports A Rumania, F Trieste Hold, A Vienna Supports A Budapest - Galicia.

England (Kevin Tighe – tigheman “of” yahoo.com): F London - North Sea, F North Sea – Norway,

F Norway - St Petersburg(nc), A Yorkshire Hold.

France (Jeff O’Donnell – unclestaush “of” yahoo.com): F Brest - Mid-Atlantic Ocean,

A Burgundy Supports A Ruhr - Belgium (*Void*), F Marseilles - Gulf of Lyon, A Portugal – Spain,

F Spain(sc) - Western Mediterranean.

Germany (Melinda Holley – genea5613 “of” aol.com): F Denmark Hold, A Kiel – Holland,

A Munich - Burgundy (*Fails*), A Ruhr Supports A Kiel - Holland.

Italy (Hank Alme – almehj “of” alumni.rice.edu): F Ionian Sea - Aegean Sea, F Naples - Ionian Sea,

A Tunis Hold, A Venice Hold.

Russia (Jack McHugh – jwmchughjr “of” gmail.com): A Galicia – Rumania,

F Sevastopol Supports A Galicia – Rumania, F Sweden Hold, A Ukraine Supports A Galicia – Rumania,

A Warsaw - Galicia (*Fails*).

Turkey (Brad Wilson - bwdolphin146 “of”yahoo.com): F Ankara – Armenia, A Bulgaria – Greece,

A Constantinople – Ankara, F Smyrna - Constantinople.

Summer/Fall 02 Deadline is May 30th at 7:00am my time

PRESS

paris to munic. i'm supporting rur to belgum.i should have done that last fall . i got greedy

Ger - Eng:  New England?!?  Them's fightin' words!  I'm in Delaware where we've had more than enough snow, thank you very much!

paris to munic; lets move to rome...

paris to liverpoole; you have nothing to worry about.

Everybody Plays Diplomacy “Dandelion” 2010Cvj08, F 02

Player Names or Handles will be shown for any power they commanded each season.

Remember, in some seasons if we get enough players you may not wind up commanding any nations. All press submitted will be printed.

Austria (Rick Desper): A Budapest – Galicia, A Rumania Supports A Budapest – Galicia,

A Trieste Supports A Venice, A Venice Supports A Trieste (*Cut*).

England (Italy Must Win): F Holland - Helgoland Bight, F London - English Channel,

F North Atlantic Ocean - Mid-Atlantic Ocean (*Bounce*), F Norway - Sweden (*Bounce*).

Frace (Phil Murphy): F Brest - Mid-Atlantic Ocean (*Bounce*), A Burgundy – Belgium, A Munich – Kiel,

F Spain(sc) - Portugal.

Germany (David McCrumb): A Berlin Supports A Silesia - Munich (*Cut*), A Denmark - Sweden (*Bounce*),

A Silesia - Munich.

Italy (Phil Murphy): Retreat F Trieste - Adriatic Sea.. F Adriatic Sea - Venice (*Fails*),

F Eastern Mediterranean - Aegean Sea, F Rome Hold, F Tyrrhenian Sea - Western Mediterranean.

Russia (Tom Howell): F Baltic Sea - Berlin (*Fails*), F Livonia – Prussia, A Moscow Supports A Sevastopol,

A Sevastopol Hold, A Warsaw Supports F Livonia - Prussia.

Turkey (Brad Wilson): F Aegean Sea – Smyrna, F Ankara – Armenia, A Armenia – Bulgaria,

F Black Sea Convoys A Armenia – Bulgaria, F Bulgaria(sc) - Constantinople.

W 02/S 03 Deadline is May 30th at 7:00am my time

Supply Center Chart

Austria: Budapest, Rumania, Serbia, Trieste, Venice, Vienna=6, Build 2

England: Edinburgh, Liverpool, London, Norway=4, Even

France: Belgium, Brest, Kiel, Marseilles, Paris, Portugal, Spain=7, Build 3 (Room for 2)

Germany: Berlin, Denmark, Munich=3, Even

Italy: Naples, Rome, Tunis=3, Remove 1

Russia: Moscow, Sevastopol, St Petersburg, Sweden, Warsaw=5, Even

Turkey: Ankara, Bulgaria, Constantinople, Greece, Smyrna=5, Even

Unowned: Holland.

PRESS

Anonymous to ALL: Mechanic: Somebody set up us the bomb!
Operator: Main screen turn on.
CATS:  All your base are belong to us. You have no chance to survive make your time.
Captain: For great Justice!

SPECTRE: I love white cats and fleets in weird places!!!

Phil to GM: What's with these two guys playing two positions each?

GM: If we don’t get seven submissions, some players get more than one set of orders used.

Black Press Gunboat, “Streets of Soho,” 2011Arb32, Spring 1901

Austria: A Budapest – Serbia, F Trieste – Albania, A Vienna - Trieste.

England: F Edinburgh - North Sea, A Liverpool – Yorkshire, F London - English Channel (*Bounce*).

France: F Brest - English Channel (*Bounce*), A Marseilles – Spain, A Paris - Burgundy (*Bounce*).

Germany: A Berlin – Kiel, F Kiel – Denmark, A Munich - Burgundy (*Bounce*).

Italy: F Naples - Ionian Sea, A Rome – Venice, A Venice - Piedmont.

Russia: A Moscow – Ukraine, F Sevastopol - Black Sea (*Bounce*), F St Petersburg(sc) - Gulf of Bothnia,

A Warsaw - Silesia.

Turkey: F Ankara - Black Sea (*Bounce*), A Constantinople – Bulgaria, A Smyrna - Constantinople.

Fall 1901 Deadline is May 30th at 7:00am my time

PRESS

The Russians are coming, the Russians are coming…well there a far piece way but friends are needed to stop them.  Can a Berlin-Paris-London axis be achieved the White hordes stopped?

Rome - Vienna:  If the Russian is in Galacia, I suggest you deal with that and let me do my own thing.

Tur - Rus: Just a friendly tap.  Let's play nice.

Russia - Turkey:  Get out of my way!

Aux Armes les citoyens! The romans must be stopped in the passes before they re-colonize la Marseilles!!!

Ankara….do you hear the Russian footsteps???  Perhaps the Cossacks are closing in.

John Bull can a frog and a bulldog trust each other…or is the Boche doomed to prevail?

Austria - World: I'm friendly unless attacked. It will become my objective to defeat any power that attempts moves into Austria or Austrian owned SC's. Spring incursions forgiven if immediately reversed this Fall. End of warning (F Tri - Alb,A Vie - Tri,A Bud - Ser).

Russia - Austria:  Get out of my way!

Mos - Rom:  I'll take the high road and you take the low road...

Polling opens:  Will it be F Brest to MAO or EngCha?   Will it be A Munich to Burgundy or Tyrolia?  Will it be F Ankara to Black or Armenia?   Will it be WAR or peace?   Get your votes in now!  The correct selection will win….perhaps.    

STRAITS OF MESSINA, 1901:

The fleet’s deployment from the ports of Naples and Bari into the blue sea of the Ionian had gone as planned and Admiral Molto-Agitato was pleased. Apart from a surprising firefight with unidentified ships immediately off the coast of Messina the fleet’s unannounced show of force into the central Mediterranean had silently spread both east and west through word of mouth, telegraph, and radio. Barely thirty years old as a nation and formed of states and petty kingdoms who at times still smoldered over perceived slights, rebuffs, and political jealousies, the Admiral’s new Italian motherland had forged a deadly armada of warships. They had set sail under a common national flag. Finally.

Aboard his flagship, La Serenissima, the Admiral gazed across the waters as the battle group of Gondola class dreadnaughts steamed steadily toward the north African shore for the ancient city of Tunis. The Gondola class battleships, so named because of the twin black superstructures which rose both fore and aft of the deck with her main and secondary gun batteries lying low and hard amidships looked like nothing so much as the gondolas of Venice. A gondola, indeed, but one of steel and massive size and there all similarities ended. The Admiral’s dreadnaughts were the fastest, deadliest and most modern warcraft afloat and were designed for only one thing: a war of redemption.

With his deployment orders had come other information as well. Italy’s two main army groups had also been deployed by Italian political leadership and had taken up defensive positions in the pre-alps of the Piedmont and Veneto regions of northern Italy. For months rumors or war and rumors of rumors of war had wafted throughout Europe. Secret pacts were made and broken, and open alliances declared, forged, broken, reforged, and broken again almost daily. The new Italian nation formed in the name of King Emmanual II had participated more out of a sense of necessity than desire, and it had sickened the Admiral and other warriors who’d fought long during the Risorgimento to watch how poorly these diplomatic games were played. Old enemies in France and Austria, countries who had occupied Italy under various crowns and flags for centuries, were not to be trusted too easily as they no doubt wished the new Italian nation little love, and less success. Admiral Molto-Agitato smiled as he thought again that his sailing fleet meant an end to empty words and hollow threats. The time for men and action was at hand.

As he watched the clouds south of the fleet unfurl, the bustle of the bridge was heightened with the loud arrival of Captain Demegni, captain of La Serenissima. The Captain was clearly out of breath and nearly in extremis with exertion. Molto-Agitato said nothing as Demegni arranged himself and prepared to address him.

“Sir, I have a report of the firefight as you requested.”

“Very good, Captain, please take a breath and tell me without dying where you stand.”

“Thank you, sir … my apologies Admiral. It’s just that … sir, it’s just that I thought you should learn what I have as quickly as possible.”

“Proceed.”

“Sir, as you know, elements of the west flank of the fleet were this morning fired upon by a flotilla of unknown combatants. You ordered a detachment of the squadron to engage as the rest of the fleet took up positions as assigned. Well, information is sketchy at this time but we apparently engaged five armor clad merchant freighters headed toward Naples. We closed and they opened fire, we returned fire. The vessels did not respond to radio calls for identification and they were flying flags – black flags, sir – of indeterminate nationality.”

“Captain, are you suggesting that these were pirates of some kind, and that they accidently opened fire on ships of the Italian navy?”

“We don’t think it was an accident, sir – we think they knew exactly what they were doing. They opened fire, and then they drew down hard and began running straight at the squadron – Rossi’s ships, sir. At any rate, the fight was fierce but brief. Three of the freighters were torn apart by gunfire and went down quickly. A fourth rammed the Alto-Adige. She’s listed as moderately damaged and will return to port.”

“And the fifth, Captain Demegni?”

“Sir, the fifth ship was running for us and was hard to make in the smoke coming from the others. She got to within 500 meters of the Alto-Adige … and then just, well, just disappeared. Gone.”

“Captain?’

“Sir, the report says it’s if she was never there. They’re still searching the waters and hope to come up with some explanation. They’re to report to you every two hours until further notice.”

“An unusual report, Captain Demegni, and I look forward to hearing a less phantasmal ending than we currently have by the end of the day. Have you anything else to report? The demands of the fleet call for my attention as you no doubt understand.”

“Admiral, there is one other thing. During the search, we sought survivors from the attacking formation, hoping to find someone to explain what those ships were doing in these waters and why they attacked his Majesty’s navy without provocation or warning. We found no one alive. Or, should I say, we’ve found only one survivor, and he is barely alive. The Alto-Adige’s surgeon does not expect him to live more than a few hours. Shock, shrapnel, loss of blood, multiple burns. He’s in very bad shape. He must have some consciousness, though, poor bastard. The surgeon says he keeps muttering about charcoal burns, or charcoal burners … he’s been given final rites. Admiral? Admiral Molto-Agitato? Are you okay? Sir?”

“Captain, listen to me carefully,” the Admiral seemed to be saying from far away. “What did the surgeon tell you – tell you exactly -- about the survivor’s words? Speak carefully, I urge you.”

“Captain, I’m not really sure. In the full course of the report it was a little thing, almost an afterthought. I’m not sure – “

“Captain Demegni,” he said, his voice rising, “What did he say?”

“Sir, the surgeon said the man was speaking in agony, muttering over and over, perhaps saying the word ‘carbonari’? Yes. I think that was it. He was saying over and over ‘carbonari’. Admiral? You look ill, sir. Might I suggest –“

“Captain Demegni, you will listen and you will carry out this order to the letter, or you will suffer. Contact the ship’s surgeon immediately. Tell him that he is to use all skills at his disposal to keep this man alive. Do you understand, Captain? All measures possible. The full capacities of the fleet are at his disposal. Send whatever is needed. He is to keep that man alive, Captain Demegni. Tell him that if he does not he shall forfeit his own life at my command. I will have him hanged for insubordination. Do you understand, sir?”

“Yes, Admiral, I understand sir. Obbedisco!” The Captain saluted quickly and exited the bridge, bewildered.

Charcoal-burners. Carbonari. Son of a bitch, thought Admiral Molto-Agitato. The fucking Signoria will not be pleased.

By Popular Demand

Credit goes to Ryk Downes, I believe, for inventing this. The goal is to pick something that fits the category and will be the "most popular" answer. You score points based on the number of entries that match yours. For example, if the category is "Cats" and the responses were 7 for Persian, 3 for Calico and 1 for Siamese, everyone who said Persian would get 7 points, Calico 3 and the lone Siamese would score 1 point. The cumulative total over 10 rounds will determine the overall winner. Anyone may enter at any point, starting with an equivalent point total of the lowest cumulative score from the previous round. If a person misses a round, they'll receive the minimum score from the round added to their cumulative total. In each round you may specify one of your answers as your Joker answer. Your score for this answer will be doubled. In other words, if you apply your Joker to category 3 on a given turn, and 4 other people give the same answer as you, you get 10 points instead of 5. Players who fail to submit a Joker for any specific turn will have their Joker automatically applied to the first category. And, if you want to submit some commentary with your answers, feel free to. The game will consist of 10 rounds. A prize will be awarded to the winner. Research is permitted!

Round 9 Categories

1. A former baseball player whose baseball cards are highly sought after.

2. A brand of cigar.

3. Something you put on a cracker.

4. A constellation.

5. A song with “Night” in the title.

Congrats to Brad Wilson, scoring 72 out of a possible 75. Can anyone stop Hank?

Selected Comments By Category:

Player – Rick Desper “Might as well go with Honus Wagner.  Most valuable card in the world.“ Marc Ellinger “I think the most valuable card is a Honus Wagner, but no one really remembers his name…unless you’re a huge baseball fan.” Jack McHugh “I was going to say Honus Wagner since his card is the most rare but who knows that besides baseball geeks like me.” Kevin Wilson “Baseball cards are one of the few "collectible" items I didn't collect as a kid.  But, I guess Jackie Robinson would still be valuable.”

Cigar – Marc Ellinger “Cuban is NOT a brand so it can’t be an answer.  Of “real” cigars I’d guess Romeo y Juliet is probably the best known, but who can forget Swisher Sweets?” Andy Lischett “I hate the smell of cigarettes, but like the smell of cigars. My father smoked them, but I have no idea what brand.” Paraic Reddington “Hmmmm …I’m guessing the top answer here will just be ‘Cuban’ but that’s not a brand so I’m going the purist (less successful) route.” Jack McHugh “I was going to say Churchill but that's a type of cigar and not a brand.” Dane Maslen “Number 2 was the cause of the delay to these orders.  I tried rummaging on the internet to come up with an answer that would be suitable in a US zine but failed to find anything particularly useful so in the end I fell back on the only answer that I could think of independently.  I'm confident it will score at least 1 point!”

Cracker – Marc Ellinger “I wonder what the English players will come up with…since a cracker is a cookie over there.” Jack McHugh “I was going to say peanut butter since that's my favorite thing but I think most people see cheese on crackers at parties, so I went with that.”

Constellation – Rick Desper “Since I cannot decide between Big and Little Dipper, I'll go with the hunter.”

Night – Marc Ellinger “This is a really tough one, I also thought of Let’s Spend the Night Together by the Stones or even Silent Night if we want to go to Christmas music.” Dane Maslen “Not exactly the right time of year to be giving a carol as the answer to number 5, but it's the most obvious one I can think of.” Martin Burgdorf “I had the song "Night and Day" in 23 Tunes - in the version by Tuxedomoon - so I hope that many people chose that also for By Pop Demand. It was written by Cole Porter for the musical "Gay Divorce" and has been sung by dozens of famous artists.”

Round 10 Categories – Deadline is May 30th at 7:00am my time

Round 10 is worth DOUBLE POINTS (You still select a joker category)

1. A minor league baseball team.

2. A flavor of ice cream other than vanilla, chocolate, or strawberry.

3. A pizza topping.

4. A famous guitarist.

5. Someone you avoid.

There are ten rounds of movie quotes, and each round consists of ten quotes. Anyone may enter at any point. If you want to submit some commentary with your answers, feel free to. The game will consist of 10 rounds. A prize will be awarded to the winner – and it might be a very good prize! Research is not permitted! That means NO RESEARCH OF ANY KIND, not just no searches for the quotes themselves. The only legal “research” is watching movies to try and locate quotes. Try to avoid the temptation to Google the quotes. I’m doing many of the quotes from memory anyway, so you won’t necessarily be able to find them by direct search…so don’t try! Each round will also contain one bonus question, asking what the ten movies being quoted have in common. The player with the most correct answers each round gets 3 points, 2^nd place gets 2 points, and 3^rd place gets 1 point. In the event of ties, multiple players get the points (if three players tie for first, they EACH get 3 points). High score at the end of ten rounds wins the game, and a prize (unless you cheated). If there’s enough participation I may give a prize for 2^nd and maybe even 3^rd place overall too. Quotes may contain more than one person speaking (in other words, part of a scene with more than one character talking). In those instances, quotes will separate the characters speaking. I also plan on making the 10^th round worth double points.

Round Seven

#1. The first time he spoke to me... I shall never forget his words. I remember it like it was yesterday. He leaned across the table, he looked me straight in the eye, and he said "Aubrey... may I trouble you for the salt?" Master and Commander, Correct – JB, PR, HA.

#2. It must be getting near tea-time, leastways in decent places where there *is* still tea-time. The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. Lawrence of Arabia – RD. Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring – PR. Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers – HA.

#3. In 1971, after the breakup of the Main Street Singers, Chuck Wiseman moved up to San Francisco where he started a retail business with his brothers Howard and Dell: the Three Wisemen's Sex Emporium. A Mighty Wind, Correct – RD. Star Wars – HA.

#4. Plans are pointless. Staying alive is as good as it gets. 28 Days Later, Correct – JB. Staying Alive (or As Good as it Gets J) – RD. Zombieland – PR. Star Wars – HA.

#5. People always look down their noses at hookers. Never give you a chance, because they think you took the easy way out, when no one could imagine the willpower it took to do what we do. Monster, Correct - HT. Pretty Woman – RD, PR, HA.

#6. I'm the one who brings the Christmas candy. Now tell me, who's your daddy? I'm the one who brings the devil's brandy. House of 1000 Corpses. Star Wars – HA.

#7. If there's one thing I know, it's never to mess with mother nature, mother in-laws and, mother freaking Ukrainians. The Italian Job, Correct – RD, JB. The Usual Suspects – PR. Star Wars – HA.

#8. What we have lost will never be returned to us. The land will not heal - too much blood. Cold Mountain. Dances with Wolves – PR. Avatar – HA.

#9. Yes, honey. The schmuck, who deserves to die, worries about you. Sometimes worrying about you feels like a full-time job. Something’s Gotta Give. Star Wars – HA.

#10. I can't keep going like this. The insemination, the child. It's like we're trying to put a Band-Aid on something that's just been bled dry. 21 Grams, Correct – JB. Star Wars – HA.

Bonus: What do all these films have in common? All Released in 2003. Howard Shore scores – PR. Best Actor or Best Actress nominations in 2003 – JB.

Points This Round – Jim Burgess [JB] – 4; Rick Desper [RD] – 2; Paraic Reddington [PR] – 1, Heather Taylor [HT] – 1; Hank Alme [HA] - 1.

Total Game Points: Jim Burgess – 18; Jack McHugh – 8; Paraic Reddington – 8; Kevin Tighe – 7; Rick Desper – 6; Heather Taylor – 2; Hank Alme - 1.

Round Eight

#1. I AM NOT A FISH! How many times do I have to tell you people that?

#2. We had a band powerful enough to turn goat piss into gasoline.

#3. I don't know why they call this stuff hamburger helper. It does just fine by itself.

#4. Stand me up today and tomorrow I'll drive you to school in my robe and pajamas and WALK you to your first class.

#5. Why didn't somebody tell me my ass was so big?

#6. If I wanted a joke, I'd follow you into the john and watch you take a leak.

#7. It's Czechoslovakia. It's like going into Wisconsin.

#8. I don't want to sleep with Fuller. You know about him, he wets the bed. He'll pee all over me, I know it.

#9. Just remember, when you pull the trigger, the bullets come out going very, very fast.

#10. Of course, when he had realized that something had gone wrong, and that the President had been killed, he knew there was a problem.

Bonus: What do all these films have in common?

Deadline for your answers to Round 8 is May 30th 7:00am my time

General Deadline for the Next Issue of Eternal Sunshine: May 30th, 2011 at 7:00am my time.

NOTE: That’s a MONDAY (and Memorial Day in the U.S.A)!