Eternal Sunshine #55

August 2011

By Douglas Kent 911 Irene Drive, Mesquite, TX 75149

Email: diplomacyworld@yahoo.com or dougray30@yahoo.com

On the web at http://www.whiningkentpigs.com – or go directly to the Diplomacy section at http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/. Also be sure to visit the official Diplomacy World website which can be found at http://www.diplomacyworld.net. Also remember to check out http://www.helpfulkitty.com for official Toby the Helpful Kitty news, advice column, blog, and links to all his available merchandise! Links to many of the books and DVDs reviewed can be found by clicking on the Amazon Store button in the main menu of the Whining Kent Pigs website. Or go to http://www.guysexplained.com where women can learn all the secrets of how a man’s mind works, and why they act the way they do.

All Eternal Sunshine readers are encouraged to join the free Eternal Sunshine Yahoo group at http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/eternal_sunshine_diplomacy/ to stay up-to-date on any subzine news or errata. We also have our own Eternal Sunshine Twitter feed at http://www.twitter.com/EternalSunshDip, and a Facebook group at http://www.facebook.com/?ref=logo#!/group.php?gid=112223650909

Quote Of The Month – “It would be different, if we could just give it another go-round.” (Joel in “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”)

Welcome to Eternal Sunshine, the only Diplomacy zine published by a surly creep. I apologize in advance for the exceedingly brief into this issue. Time and issues at work have simply kept me from spending the energy and concentration on this issue the way I like to. I’d planned to write up an article on the history of my time running BBS’s back in the 1980’s and 1990’s, and the formation of ThrobNet (an echo network I started). I guess that will have to wait for another day.

There are a few things I should mention before I disappear, and the first item on that agenda is my email address. Please look at the top of this page, and you’ll notice that both addresses listed are yahoo.com addresses. Previously I had a whiningkentpigs.com address listed also, and while I still have (and use) that email, I would prefer it if you’d send your orders and stuff to the yahoo ones. Both yahoo.com emails go to the same mailbox, so you don’t need to write to both of them at once; one email is plenty. As always, if you don’t get a reply from me, it means I have not received your email. I try to make it a point to reply to any orders which are sent.

Next on the list are the Eternal Sunshine Football Prediction Contest and the Eternal Sunshine Dead Pool. The Football contest is the same one I’ve run the last few years; commentary on your picks or more in-detail predictions are welcome and encouraged. The same goes for your picks in the Eternal Sunshine Dead Pool. I haven’t run a Dead Pool since High School, but the recent death of Amy Winehouse reminded me of all the thought I used to put into them. Give both of them a try; prizes WILL be awarded, and in both cases you just have to submit your picks this one time…they aren’t active games which require additional work as the year goes on.

This issue also sees the return of Kevin Tighe’s Humboldt, as well as columns from Richard Walkerdine, Paul Milewski, and Jack McHugh. Remember, I’d love to have columns or articles from more of you; it can be a one-off, an occasional column, or every month. If more of you would sign up for Brad Wilson’s Balkan Wars VI game, we might be able to harass him into writing something to go with the game reports! Unfortunately there’s no interview, as nothing came together in time.

This was a rather short month, which accounts for why so many orders arrived last-minute (or late). Don’t NMR and send your ESI stock crashing…always get your orders in on time. Don’t forget I am always looking for comments, letters, feedback, or ideas.

That’s it for now. Next issue I’ll try to give you a better update (including photos of Heather’s new pottery class – her latest obsession) and an article or essay. See you next month!

Playlist: Really nothing in particular. Haven’t listened to much music at all. But I will list Spooky Two – Spooky Tooth; Footprint – Gary Wright; The Right Place – Gary Wright; The Shipping News – Soundtrack.

Hypothetical of the Month

Last month, we gave you these two hypotheticals: #1 – A suspicious-looking stranger arrives at a bus stop in a downpour and stands where you have seen traffic splash pedestrians. Do you volunteer a word of caution? #2 – Someone gets on a city bus and does not have the fare. Do you volunteer to pay?

Melinda Holley - #1 –Define 'suspicious'; what does that have to do with warning somebody against getting splashed? Oh well, I'd warn this person anyway.

#2 - Yes. I paid for someone's gasoline this morning, too. I always try to remember, there but for the Grace of God go I. If I were in that position (and have been close a couple of times), I'd like to think I could rely on the kindness of strangers.

Richard Walkerdine - #1 - I have come across a lot of suspicious looking strangers in my time and they are almost always perfectly okay. Yes, I would warn him.

#2 - No way, if you ain't got the fare don't get on the bus.

Andy York - #1 - Of course, no reason not to.

#2 - presuming I was paying enough attention to notice, and had the appropriate spare fare, I would.

Phil Murphy - #1 - No way. If he's suspicious looking I won't speak to him at all.

#2 – If it seems genuine I would offer. For example, not having change or being short on change for the fare.

Don Williams - #1 - Nope. Only women. I guess if the suspicious stranger were a woman I might. Unless she looked like one of my ex-spouses. Then I’d let her get soaked in abstentia.

#2 - Bus fare? Yeah, sure. Count me in for mass transit and reducing the carbon footprint. Bugs the conservative flat earthers.

Amber Smith - #1 - No...

#2 –I'd like to say I would, but unless they were elderly... I don't think I would. I'll have to stick with NO for this one too.

Kevin Tighe - #1 - Why would I care if he looked suspicious? "Hey buddy, you're going to get wet standing there."

#2 - Sure.

Heather Taylor - #1 – Since they are suspicious looking, probably not. I’ll likely laugh secretly to myself when they get splashed, too. If they hadn’t been suspicious looking, yes I would warn them.

#2 – Honestly, it all depends on who they are, and if they elicit sympathy from me or not. For certain people, I’d probably be glad they didn’t have the fare to get on the bus.

For Next Month (For the time being, I am selecting questions from the game “A Question of Scruples” which was published in 1984 by High Games Enterprises. The word Scruples is also being used as a secret this issue). Remember you can make your answers as detailed as you wish.: #1 – You are a prominent politician. One of your supporters, a builder, offers to renovate your house for a very good price. Do you accept? #2 – You are an adoption worker. A Native American child has been living happily with a white family for three years. Now his relatives want to take him back to the reservation. Do you let them?

The Eternal Sunshine Football Prediction Contest

Since the lockout is over, now is the time to make your predictions. The contest is simple: you get one point for each correct division winner, and one point for correctly selecting the wild card teams (two per conference). Then you get two points for each team you correctly choose as conference championship (meaning they play in the Super Bowl), and three points for correctly picking the Super Bowl winner. We’re not picking winners for individual playoff games…just the division winners, wild card teams, and who goes to the Big Game. Any commentary you want to include with your picks is welcome. And remember, like all Eternal Sunshine contests, there will actually be a REAL PRIZE for the winner! In fact, if we get enough entries, I’ll give one to the runner-up too. If you’ve got any questions, just ask me. So send in an entry and join in the fun! I think I’ll even give my own picks next issue. All entries will be published next issue, so get them in by the deadline! In case you need reminding (or if you are not a football fan and just want to see if you can guess the winners and embarrass these so-called experts), the divisions and their member teams are as follows:

NFC East: New York Giants, Philadelphia Eagles, Dallas, Cowboys, Washington Redskins.

NFC North: Minnesota Vikings, Chicago Bears, Green Bay Packers, Detroit Lions.

NFC South: Carolina Panthers, Atlanta Falcons, Tampa Bay Bucs, New Orleans Saints

NFC West: Arizona Cardinals, San Francisco 49ers, Seattle Seahawks, St. Louis Rams.

AFC East: Miami Dolphins, New York Jets, New England Patriots, Buffalo Bills.

AFC North: Pittsburgh Steelers, Baltimore Ravens, Cincinnati Bengals, Cleveland Browns.

AFC South: Tennessee Titans, Indianapolis Colts, Houston Texans, Jacksonville Jaguars.

AFC West: San Diego Chargers, Kansas City Chiefs, Denver Broncos, Oakland Raiders.

Deadline for Picks: August 29^th at 7pm my time

The Eternal Sunshine

Dead Pool

With the recent passing of Amy Winehouse, which the entire world saw coming, I was reminded of the old Dead Pool games we used to play in school. So I decided to go ahead and run one here. The rules are simple: you send me a list of ten people who you predict will die within a year. These people must be at least pseudo-celebrities: sports figures, politicians, musicians, or even criminals. The only restrictions are the people you choose may not currently be held in prison awaiting execution, and you cannot select any past or current United States President or Vice President (in order to prevent any misinterpretation of your selections as promoting their passing). The first person to “lose” all their victims wins. If nobody has done that by 12 issues from now, whoever has selected the highest number of correct choices wins. A prize will be awarded to the winner or winners.

The only other caveat is that if someone on your list dies before the deadline for list submission, you do not get credit for that person, and you will have two weeks to submit a replacement name. In other words, all ten must still be living when the deadline arrives. If you think this is morbid…well, everybody dies. This is simply a game where you use logic, and some luck, to try to figure out who is more likely to die sooner than later! Anyway, send those lists in, and I will publish them next issue (along with updates each issue if any names are “crossed off”).

Deadline for Your Dead Pool List: August 29^th at 7pm my time

The Dining Dead -
The Eternal Sunshine Movie Reviews

Midnight in Paris – A lot of comparisons can be drawn between Woody Ellen’s latest film and his prior work. The most obvious is The Purple Rose of Cairo, because of the cinematic connection. I prefer to think of Midnight in Paris as more of Play it Again, Sam meets Paris, albeit with a quieter and understated humor. Regardless of the comparisons you may draw, while Midnight in Paris will never be my favorite Woody Allen film, it now holds a strong position among the top five.

Before we are even officially introduced to the characters or the plot, Allen provides a brilliant series of shots within Paris which build the basis for the movie as a whole. The meaning behind the sequence is easily missed by some, but it serves as a very effective introduction. First we see Paris as a tourist-filled, deteriorating theme park of souvenirs, sightseers, and cookie-cutter cafes. Then the rain falls, and the people retreat. Without the people, and without the modern-day noise and trappings, the beauty of the city can be seen again. Beautiful architecture, the romance of streetlamps lighting the curbs, iron fences, and trees…Paris has become Paris again. Then the rain stops, and the people return, as does the modern world.

Enter Gil (Owen Wilson), a screenwriter who wants to use his time in Paris as inspiration to finish his novel, his first attempt at “real writing.” Despite his success in Hollywood, he thinks of himself as a “hack,” churning out dreck for the big screen. “Juvenile and forgettable? Sounds like one of my rewrites” is how he refers to his craft in one scene.

Along for this trip to Paris are Gil’s fiancée Inez (Rachael McAdams) and her parents John (Kurt Fuller) and Helen (Mimi Kennedy). A merger with a French company is the purpose behind the trip for John and Helen, and Inez and Gil have come along for the ride. Inez and her family are clearly not fans of Paris of the French in general, and the heap derision on Gil’s affection for the city at every opportunity. In fact, Gil finds himself somewhat disenchanted, realizing that Paris is not as he imagined it. He yearns to find the Paris of yesterday: the 1920’s Paris, filled with excitement, the Lost Generation, and a passion and appreciation for the arts. He sees that period as the heyday of Paris, where writing was a craft to be perfected, and where the arts were developing in new, original directions. Individuality was celebrated, not crushed.

Soon Gil and Inez bump into their friends (really, Inez’s friends) Paul and Carol (Michael Sheen and Nina Arianda). Gil clearly loathes Paul and his pompous, know-it-all lecturing (even if Gil does attempt to be pleasant regardless), while Inez and Carol are mesmerized by his “brilliance.” In Paris to guest lecture, Paul is the typical Allen-crafted villain, the pseudo-intellectual who is willing to go so far as to argue with a tour guide (Carla Bruni). A visit by the group to Versailles is a perfect representation, as some of the beautiful statues and architecture around them is hidden by the focus on Paul and his lecturing about how it had all been swampland at one time. Trivia of knowledge, and trivia of modern life, obscure the beauty of the world.

In one way Gil is happy to have Paul and Carol in town, because after dinner that evening Inez joins the couple to go dancing, which leaves Gil free to roam the streets by himself. Truthfully he doesn’t mean to roam quite so far; Inez’s prediction that he will immediately become lost and unable to find his way back to their hotel is completely on the mark. Finally, after hours of wandering, Gil rests on a stone staircase as a clock strikes twelve, and Gil finds himself transported back to the 1920’s. His jaw drops in awe and admiration as he is introduced to the likes of Cole Porter (Yves Heck), F. Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald (Tom Hiddleston and Alison Pill), and Ernest Hemingway (Corey Stoll).

Not only is Gil fascinated with these idols of his, but he finds them to be kindred spirits, the sort of friends he has been unable to find in his own world. Returning to the world of yesteryear Hemmingway convinces Gertrude Stein (Kathy Bates) to look over Gil’s manuscript. At her home, he meets Picasso (Marcial Di Fonzo Bo) and is immediately enchanted by Picasso’s current on-again-off-again lover Adriana (Marion Cotillard of La Vie en Rose). His connection with Adriana is much deeper, and powerful, than whatever he might feel for Inez. Through his time with his new friends, Gil begins to understand that in every era people long for “the good old days,” a period of the past when life seemed simpler. “Maybe the present is a little unsatisfying because life is a little unsatisfying,” he opines.

Owen Wilson is an excellent choice by Allen, although I want to sit down and think about who might have been better at some point. His funniest lines are delivered with a quiet confusion reminiscent of his first and best role as Dignan in Bottle Rocket. Like Gil, Wilson is in some ways an actor for another era; he can be tolerable in the modern comedy, but when he’s given a role with depth and meaning his true ability as an actor shines through.

In the final moments of the film, Allen’s message seemed clear to me: any era (specifically YOUR era, the one you are born into, whichever that is or was) can be the Belle Époque, but we can only see the beauty around us when we are with the right people…or the right person.

Tabloid – For a good documentary you need interesting people, a compelling topic, a polarizing debate, or an exciting adventure. Tabloid, the latest film from Errol Morris (Fast Cheap & Out of Control, The Thin Blue Line), has bits of each of those, enough to give the viewer some funny, escapist entertainment.

I am too young to remember anything about the topic of this film, but apparently if you lived in England in the late 70’s Joyce McKinney and the Mormon Sex Kidnapping was a constant topic of conversation and tabloid headlines. Joyce is interviewed extensively for the film, giving her side of the tawdry tale. On the other end of the spectrum we hear from tabloid reporters of the day, explaining what they view as the truth. As usual, the reality likely lies somewhere in between, but nobody will ever know the full truth.

Basically the story goes like this: Joyce falls in love (at first sight) with a tall, paunchy Mormon gentleman. The two of them carry on a romance of sorts, supposedly plan to marry (despite protests from his parents that she does not share their faith)...and then he “vanishes.” Joyce winds up hiring a private investigator, who locates him in England. Convinced that the Mormons have brainwashed him, she and a crew of three men (a bodyguard, a pilot, and an architect who is her best friend) fly to England to “rescue” him.

Once they see what Joyce has planned – her own kidnapping of sorts, complete with chloroform if necessary – the pilot and the bodyguard cut ties. But from this point forward, Joyce has one version of events, and the tabloids another. Either way, they all agree it involves a cabin in Devon, handcuffs, being tied spread eagled to the bed, and sex. Or, as Joyce describes it, “we had three days of sex, food, and fun.”

The Mormon Missionary later claims he had been kidnapped by Joyce, held against his will, and forced to have sex with her. Joyce is arrested, held, bailed, and eventually slips out of the country and back to America. Meanwhile, the British tabloids battle each other for better access, and better angles, on the story. Details of Joyce’s earlier life are revealed, including nude photos, S&M shots, personal ads…while through it all Joyce denies it all. In her version, her groom-to-be recanted his love for her and his willingness under pressure from the Mormon Church, which threatened him with excommunication.

At times the film drags a bit, but there are plenty of odd film clips thrown in to “illustrate” what is being talked about, along with quick shots of various tabloid headlines and partial headlines. Morris delivers as usual, and the story doesn’t end with the kidnapping; if that isn’t enough fun, try to imagine how dog cloning could possibly find its way into the film.

Go see it, and you’ll find out. The story is interesting, the characters wacky, the tabloids a force to be reckoned with (their reporting methods even more interesting given the current tabloid scandals), and Morris delivers (as usual) an entertaining look into the lives and minds of people who truly believe what they are saying is the truth, even if they are in complete contradiction to each other.

This Movie Sucks: Fast Five; Larry Crowne; Monte Carlo; Zookeeper.

Seen on DVD – Final Destination (B, the opening sequence is enough to make you fear planes forever). The Walking Dead, Season 1 (B, pretty decent zombie fare). The Strangers (B, rather suspenseful and ultimately disturbing). An American Haunting (C-, watchable and occasionally creepy, but no payoff whatsoever). Catfish (C+, the whole “is it real or is it fake” argument is interesting afterwards if you see if with friends, but the film drags on and the payoff isn’t done well).

DVDs We Couldn’t Fight Through – None this month!

100 Movies to See Before You Die

An Eternal Sunshine List Challenge

Yahoo Films (part of the Yahoo online pages) has posted two lists of movies “to see before you die.” The first list was composed of mostly classic film choices, while the “modern” list was 100 films from 1990 onward. You can find their lists at: http://movies.yahoo.com/feature/100-movies-to-see-before-you-die.html and at http://movies.yahoo.com/feature/100-movies-to-see-before-you-die-modern-classics.html. Some of these choices I agree with, and some I think are completely off the mark. So I issued a challenge to each of you: Submit to me the 100 Movies to See Before You Die that would make your list. The lists could be submitted all at once, or 10 films at a time. Any comments on your choices (or future comments on the choices of other people) are encouraged. After 10 issues I plan on publishing a complete list of all films included on any list, as well as a count of how many lists each appeared on. I am offering prizes: two of the respondents who submit a full complement of 100 movies (whether all at once or 10 per issue) will be selected at random for prizes. So to win, all you have to do is play.

Next issue: The fourth set of 10 movies from each of you, and from me (more movies if you missed either of the previous rounds). Please note: These films are not meant to be placed in order by you, from top to bottom, unless you want to do that for some reason.

Larry Cronin:

First 30…..

You Don't Know Me

The Eternal Sunshine Interview

No interview this month…no appropriate person came up, and the one on the backburner has been too busy to do her part.

In the meantime, I really need some suggestions for future interviews. They need to be people not involved in the Diplomacy hobby. That is the only requirement. They can have any kind of job, or be retired, unemployed…none of that matters. Just someone you know who you think might make an interesting subject for other readers. I don’t think I’ve gotten more than a single suggestion from anyone since I started this section. So get with it!

23 Tunes Game

Here are the rules for 23 TUNES. You send me three tunes for the first turn, and then two tunes in each of the last ten turns for a total of 23. If you missed the first turn, you can still catch up by sending five tunes next issue, and guess on submitters to this issue. Actually, you can send all 23 tunes at once if you want to, but then you’ll need to remember to guess everyone else’s each month. I am also submitting my tunes. After we're done, I'd like to exchange CD's/Tapes for as many of the tunes players as possible, but this is not required. I'll be sending the winner my 23 Tune list. The winner is determined by having you guess each issue who submitted what list (I will tell you who the submitters are). For each song you get right (except those you submitted yourself), you get a point, you also can win bonus points from me for really cool tune selections. That's it, not complicated. I hope by starting this up, we'll get more to join. So, put simply…you send in the name and artist of songs you really like or have special meaning to you. I print 3 of them the first turn, and 2 year turn after that (you can submit that way, or send in all 23 at once, or anything in between). Each issue I list the songs for that turn, without revealing who submitted which song. I also print a list of who submitted songs (again, without telling you which songs they sent in). Your mission is to match the people with the songs (but no points for your own). Simple. And I’ll offer other prizes as well, to be determined later. If you miss a turn, make it up my sending enough songs to catch up with the other players (and the overdue songs will simply be revealed immediately).

23 Tunes - Round Five

Submitting songs this issue are: Andy Lischett, Mark Firth, Andy York, David McCrumb, Douglas Kent, Geoff Kemp, Hank Alme, Heather Taylor, Jim Burgess, Martin Burgdorf, Melinda Holley, Paraic Reddington, Amber Smith, Phil Murphy, Richard Walkerdine.

1. All the Small Things - Blink 182, Hank Alme. Correct – PM.

2. American Pie - Don McLean, Rick Desper. Richard Walkerdine “His best (and probably longest) song and it is just wonderful.” Correct: RW.

3. Angel from Montgomery - Bonnie Raitt with John Prine, Kevin Tighe.

4. Away - The Bolshoi, Hank Alme. Correct: MF.

5. Back Home - England World Cup Squad 1970, Richard Walkerdine “The best soccer anthem of ALL TIME - and I have a copy.” Correct: MF.

6. Backwoods Barbie - Dolly Parton, Andy York.

7. California Dreaming - The Mamas and the Papas, Geoff Kemp. Richard Walkerdine “The harmonies are just fantastic.” Martin Burgdorf “The only thing that makes this song memorable for me is that it is on the soundtrack of the movie Chungking Express.” Correct: PR.

8. Carmina Burana – Orff, Rick Desper. Correct: RW.

9. Crucify - Tori Amos, Heather Taylor.

10. Didi – Khaled, Kevin Tighe.

11. Familiar Taste of Poison – Halestorm, Amber Smith.

12. Fireflies - Owl City, Geoff Kemp.

13. Handbags and Gladrags - Rod Stewart, Douglas Kent.

14. Heart of Darkness - Pere Ubu, Martin Burgdorf “Named after the novel by Joseph Conrad.”

15. I Put a Spell on You - Nina Simone, Phil Murphy.

16. I Will Follow - U2, Jim Burgess. Doug Kent “Remains my favorite U2 song of all time.”

17. It Was a Very Good Year - Frank Sinatra, Jack McHugh. Richard Walkerdine “Any Frank song is great and this
is very good indeed, although it will be 'I Did It My Way' that will be played at my funeral.” Correct: GK.

18. Jesus He Knows Me – Genesis, Andy York. Doug Kent “I still really enjoy almost the entire We Can’t Dance CD.”

19. Living on a Prayer (Acoustic Version) - Bon Jovi, Melinda Holley. Doug Kent “Bon Jovi? Shoot me now, I beg of you.” Correct: MB.

20. Lola - The Kinks, Andy Lischett “Wonderful song from one of my 2 or 3 favorite groups.” Richard Walkerdine “The Davies brothers were phenomenal, and this song
matched the group's name so well.”

21. Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds - The Beatles, Heather Taylor.

22. Martian Boogie - Brownsville Station, Dave McCrumb “This was one of the few times I bought an album for a single song. As with most of the those purchases, I liked the other songs much more. I think at one time I owned everything this group put out.”

23. Punk Sandwich - Dixie Dregs, Dave McCrumb “I was introduced to this group by one of my subscribers of TAG. They noticed my recent play lists and thought I would like them. Loved the first album I bought but not much of their other music.” Doug Kent “There was a time when I was really into the Dregs and Steve Morse. Not so much anymore.” Correct: AL.

24. Rising of the Moon - High Kings, Jack McHugh.

25. Shout – Lulu, Richard Walkerdine “A diminutive little 15 year old with a voice that was SO loud – incredible.” Correct: GK, PR.

26. Strange Things - Randy Newman, Paraic Reddington.

27. Stuck in the Middle With You - Stealers Wheels, Phil Murphy.

28. Sweetest Taboo – Sade, Melinda Holley. Correct: PM.

29. Sympathy for the Devil - The Rolling Stones, Andy Lischett. Richard Walkerdine “Always at their magnificent best when they were singing their really dark songs.” Martin Burgdorf “There are six cover versions by Laibach alone of this song.”

30. The Seeker - The Who, Douglas Kent.

31. We Got the Beat - The Go-Go's, Jim Burgess. Andy Lischett “Another great girl group song.”

32. We Live as We Dream, Alone - Gang of Four, Martin Burgdorf “The title is a line from Heart of Darkness.”

33. Where Butterflies Never Die - Broken Iris, Amber Smith.

34. You've Got a Friend in Me - Randy Newman, Paraic Reddington.

Scores This Round – Richard Walkerdine [RW] – 2, Phil Murphy [PM] – 2; Mark Firth [MF] – 2; Geoff Kemp [GK] – 2; Paraic Reddington [PR] – 2; Andy Lischett [AL] – 1; Martin Burgdorf [MB] – 1; Jim Burgess [JB] - 0.

Total Scores (of those who submitted at least some guesses in any round): Paraic Reddington [PR] – 18; Martin Burgdorf [MB] – 17; Andy Lischett [AL] – 16; Geoff Kemp [GK] – 15; Jim Burgess [JB] – 13; Richard Walkerdine [RW] – 12; Phil Murphy [PM] – 10; Mark Firth [MF] – 7; Brendan Whyte [BW] – 7; Melinda Holley [MH] – 6; Hank Alme [HA] – 6; Kevin Tighe [KT] – 6; Chris Babcock [CB] – 5; Marc Ellinger [ME] – 4; Amber Smith [AS] – 1.

23 Tunes - Round Six

Submitting songs this issue are: Andy Lischett, Mark Firth, Andy York, David McCrumb, Douglas Kent, Geoff Kemp, Hank Alme, Heather Taylor, Jim Burgess, Martin Burgdorf, Paraic Reddington, Amber Smith, Phil Murphy, Richard Walkerdine.

1. California Girls - David Lee Roth

2. Caught Up in You - 38 Special

3. Does Your Mother Know - ABBA

4. Fooled Around and Fell in Love - Elvin Bishop

5. Good Vibrations - The Beach Boys

6. Hammond Song - Colourfield

7. Hey Joe - Jimi Hendrix

8. I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor

9. Il Pagliaci - Ruggero Leoncavallo

10. Intermezzo / Cavalleria Rusticana - Pietro Mascagni

11. Into the Mystic - Van Morrison

12. Let Your Love Flow - The Bellamy Brothers

13. Mercy - Duffy

14. More Than This - Roxy Music

15. Rehab - Amy Winehouse

16. Saturday Night at the Duckpond - Cougars

17. Space Junk - Devo

18. Sweet Blue Cage - Richard Barone

19. Take Me Home Country Roads - John Denver

20. Taking Tiger Mountain - Eno

21. Tearin' it Down - Hansen

22. Those Who Wait for the Lord - Pat Quinn

23. Tiny Dancer - Elton John

24. Unforgiving Skies - PO90

25. Where Have All the Cowboys Gone - Paula Cole

26. White Room - Cream

27. Who's Landing in My Hangar - Human Switchboard

28. Will the Circle Be Unbroken - Johnny and June Carter Cash

Deadline for the next round of 23 Tunes is August 29th at 7pm my time.

That’s the day BEFORE the regular zine deadline.

Meet Me In Montauk
The Eternal Sunshine Letter Column

Paul Milewski: I am very sorry to hear that [[about Heather’s back]]. Sandee has a ruptured disc that the surgeon recommended not operating on. It's an unusual injury. He said he sees one like it only once or twice a year. Anyway, we recently bought a memory foam mattress (not Tempur-pedic but an offbrand "bella-pedic") and now she sleeps so much better we wish we'd bought the thing sooner. I like it too. She says I snore less. When I had back pain, the only thing that helped me was one of those vibrating chair cushions (I think the name is Home-medic or something like that). It wasn't expensive, and it came with an adapter so it would work off the cigarette lighter in the car. That helped me, but mine was a very minor deal. Sandee was in the hospital on a morphine drip for a full week when she hurt herself, and for many weeks after that couldn't even make it to the bedroom from the bed, so I had to put a portable toilet next to the bed and I also had to cook, clean, etc. for some time afterward. I didn't go back to temping again until she could drive herself to work. Until that point, I drove her. That was over 6 or 7 years ago. I can't remember exactly how long it has been. Suffice it to say, I have some idea of how bad back pain can be for someone.

[[Fortunately her back wasn’t as bad as last time, and after a week or so it got much better. She’s bought a few pairs of shoes specifically designed for “women with messed up feet” as she calls them, and with her exercises the plantar fasciitis is improving too.]]

Jim Burgess: Good issue!! I might go next after Jack.... but I'm not trying to save myself!! I like the way the index seems to work.

Lastly, the WHOLE point of BAPD is that you have to decide which way to go. I over analyzed, of course. This makes it fun. It also prevents anyone from getting an insurmountable lead. Since ANYONE can have a bad turn choosing the most popular and getting no points.

Unless I missed it, you really didn't say very much more about your experience at Texicon? I've actually started to ENJOY walking around trying to "pick up Diplomacy players", what's that line by Barney Stinson??? Anyway, you have to have fun doing it, even if it isn't that successful. People are at a gaming convention to play games!!!

[[As is stands, TexiCon is currently too small (in number of attendees) and too cramped to do that easily. But, as I said, if I do a game next year I’ll do it for the afternoon round, so I can try to walk around beforehand and look for players. Still, a bit depressing when the only two people who even say anything mention “I haven’t seen this game in 20 (or 30) years, didn’t realize people still play it” before they run away.]]

Michael Moulton: Another month where I'd like to enter the movie quotes contest, but I don't know a single one. This is embarrassing!

[[I’m wondering if people have interest in me doing another game of it? This one ends this issue, and I haven’t decided yet. Or maybe there are ways to change it up and make it more accessible to other readers?]]

Dane Maslen: Andy Lischett comments that there are a lot of films he should watch again before recommending. That's certainly a problem I am also encountering. I suspect that eventually I shall be forced to list them based on a vague recollection of having liked them. Andy also comments that he prefers A Shot in the Dark to The Pink Panther. It's quite possible that the former will end up on my list of films (I'm soon going to start struggling for ideas), but I prefer the latter because of the surreal chase scene at the end.

It was alarming to see that Jack McHugh included The Music Box on his list last issue. It means I have something in common with him. Oh, the shame!

[[Jack is the Everyman…we all have SOMETHING in common with him.]]

Andy York: Regarding the movie reviews: Battle: Los Angeles - it was exactly what it was billed as and it delivered just that. Escapism with lots of things blowing up!

Tree of Life - I attended the cast and crew screening (the Palm d'Orr is something to see in person), and it was a deep, thought-provoking movie. It is the exact opposite of the previous movie, it is meant to leave the viewer reflective and, to some extent, do some soul-searching. I was walking out near one of the young stars’ mother and she commented (paraphrased) "it took a couple times seeing it before I understood it." I'm definitely going to get this on DVD.

[[I know I’ll wind up watching it eventually, but the trailer left me cold…and I usually love those types of movies when done well. Then again, I found The Fountain to be rather boring. How would you compare the two?]]

Richard Walkerdine: Don’t get me going on cricket Doug, because I will never stop as it is, of course, the greatest game ever invented.

There are about six ways for a batsman to be out, and if the fielding side think he is out they will shout 'Howzat' and then the umpire will decide and if he agrees the batsman is out he will raise his finger (the finger of death I call it) and that is that.

Back in the early 1900s England were playing a series (can't remember against who, possibly Australia) and on the very last ball of the day the ball hit the batsman's leg but nobody appealed to the umpire for a Leg Before Wicket. (If it hits your leg but would otherwise have hit the stumps then you are out - more details later if you wish).

W. G. Grace, one of our greatest ever batsmen, was playing in that game and overnight he thought about the incident and decided maybe the opposing batsman was out. So the next morning, before another ball had been bowled, he shouted 'Howzat'. The umpire raised his finger and the batsman was out. After that they changed the Laws (cricket has Laws, not rules) so you now have to appeal to the umpire when the incident happens, not the next day. But it remains a lovely (and completely true) story.

[[I still don’t see what this has to do with Pinocchio….]]

Andy Lischett: Kevin's installment of The Twisting Tale is funny and has left us in suspense, with no responsibilty to satisfy the suspense. Crafty. Oh, Austin-Healy is Austin-HealEy, after Donald Healey, who put Austin engines in pretty sports cars. Although I have no time to waste, I checked the spelling of Austin-Healey and spent a half hour watching videos. Cool car... I want one.

[[I have always hated that film, and it wasn’t because it portrayed men as pigs. After all, In the Company of Men is one of my all-time favorites. Just seemed like a waste of time, money, and energy to me.]]

I'd decided to be more positive and not "dis" others recommendations, before seeing TWO people chose my most hated movie of all time: Thelma and Louise. Big stars, good performances, lots of action and good overall production. The message? Men are pigs, so women should kill themselves. As I said long ago in Cheesecake, I mourned the Thunderbird more than the heroines.

But I've resolved to be upbeat. I like many of the picks, and am making a list of movies to rent that I haven't seen. I'm not a big sci-fi fan but will definately get Blade Runner and Alien based on the multiple recommendations. Also The Princess Bride and Double Indemnity. I know I've seen Double Indemnity long ago, but don't remember it. It's hard to imagine Fred MacMurray in one of the 100 best movies, but the same can be said about John Garfield in The Postman Always Rings Twice.

I agree with you, Doug, on The Taking of Pelham 123, both the original and remake. It was also an enjoyable book.

Amber Smith is certainly more spontaneous than I am, to put Zombieland on her list rather than, say, Hamlet, but I considered it. It is just a fun movie.

Two more movies that I remember liking but won't recommend without re-viewing (see how spontaneous I am?) are Cool Hand Luke and Full Metal Jacket.

Paraic Reddington: You should give everybody a virtual $1,000 and have them invest in other contributors. Highest value at the end of the year wins all the virtual money. The commentary at the end would be hilarious: “I got rich quick on those Milewski shares but that disastrous McHugh rant really burned me as his stock tanked.”

For what it’s worth I think McHugh is overpriced and York is a bargain. Although McHugh’s jokes this issue were hilarious. Jack – you are Il Pagliaci!!

[[In most cases it would be too easy to know what to buy. Because remember, prices move based on participation. And that participation is compared to a base level of what minimum participation would be. So those who write columns, etc, will continue to go up month after month. Back in the day, I did enjoy running Runestone Poll Bourse, with people buying and selling shares in zines, capitalizing on price movements and betting on how the zines would finish in the big annual poll.]]

Eternal Sunshine Index – ESI

A Scientific Measure of Zine Health

Current Index: 49.51 +1.08%

The Eternal Sunshine Index is a stock-market-like index of the zineYou don’t do anything in this game, except write press or commentary on price movements (or why you think your stock should have gone up or down). I move the prices beginning with next issue based on my own private formula of quantity and quality zine participation (NMR’s, press, columns, etc.). Any new zine participants become new issues valued at at 50, but the stock for anyone who disappears will remain listed. The average of all listed stocks will result in the ESI closing value each month, which will be charted issue to issue after we have a few months’ worth of data. If you don’t like the stock symbol I have assigned you, you may petition the exchange to change it. Blame Phil Murphy for suggesting this section to me.

Market Commentary: A flurry of last-minute orders helped to avert what looked like a plethora of NMR’s. The non-participants continue to drop, but there is only so far they can fall. Kevin Tighe and Paraic Reddington are big gainers.

PRESS

Richard Walkerdine: A satisfactory start but it needs to get even better (a bit like Andy Murray), but (again like Andy) we will persist.

Brain Farts: The Only Subsubzine With It’s Own Fragrance

By Jack “Flapjack” McHugh – jack@diplomacyworld.net

(or just email Doug and he’ll send it to me)

Issue #33

Still no job, unemployment running out this week, and no great prospects. Does it surprise you to hear I am depressed? Someone sent me some photos called “Think YOU’RE Having a Bad Day?” which I’ve put in this issue. They were amusing but things still suck. I hope everything in my subzine offends someone. That would make me smile.

Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them, 'Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up.'

'Sure,' they said, 'You're welcome.' So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer.

Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, 'What do you do for a living?'

'I'm a hit man,' was the reply.

'You're joking!' was the response.

'No, I'm not,' he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. 'Here are my tools.'

'That's a beautiful telescopic sight,' said the other friend, 'can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here.' So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house.

'Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window.' 'Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom... Ha Ha, I can see she's naked!! Wait a minute, that's my neighbor in there with her......He's naked, too!!!

He turned to the hit man, 'How much do you charge for a hit?'

'I'll do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger.'

'Can you do two for me now?'

'Sure, what do you want?'

'First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth. 'Then the neighbor, he's a friend of mine, so just shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson.'

The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes.

'Are you going to do it or not?' said the friend impatiently.

'Just be patient,' said the hit man calmly, 'I think I can save you a Grand here.....'

Amazingly simple home remedies

THESE REALLY WORK!! I checked this out on Snopes and it’s for real!

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

A preacher said, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar."

With that, Larry got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked him, "Larry, what do you want me to pray about for you?"

Larry replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."

The preacher put one finger of one hand in Larry's ear, placed his other hand on top of Larry's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a "blue streak" for Larry, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.

After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Larry, how is your hearing now?"

Larry answered, "I don't know. It ain't 'til next week."

A blonde was in an exclusive boutique in Florida looking at alligator shoes. They were quite expensive, and the staff could see by her facial expressions that she could not afford to buy them. So they were a bit snide and snooty in their demeanor.

After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, 'Well, then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of alligator shoes for free!'

The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, 'Well, little lady, why don't you go on and give it a try?'

The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator. Later in the day, as the shopkeeper was driving home, he spotted the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water with a gun in hand.

As he brought his car to a stop, he saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the blonde took aim, shot the creature and hauled it up onto the slippery bank. Nearby were 7 more dead gators, all lying belly up. The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement as the blonde struggled mightily and barely managed to flip the gator onto its back.

Then, rolling her eyes heavenward, she screamed in frustration, “CRAP! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT TOO!”

Arthur is 80 years old. He’s played golf every day since his retirement 15 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast.

"That’s it," he tells his wife. "I’m giving up golf. My eyesight has gotten so bad that once I’ve hit the ball I couldn’t see where it went."

His wife sympathizes and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down she says, "Why don’t you take my brother with you and give it one more try."

"That’s no good" sighs Arthur, "your brother’s ninety three. He can’t help."

"He may be a ninety three", says the wife, "but his eyesight is perfect."

So the next day Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes an almighty swing and squints down the fairway. He turns to the brother-in-law. "Did you see the ball?"

"Of course I did!" replied the brother-in-law. "I have perfect eyesight".

"Where did it go?" says Arthur.

"I don’t remember.”

So You Think YOU’RE Having a Bad Day?

If your last name falls in the first half of the alphabet please move a little to the right.

Just an inch or two. I’ll wait. . . . . . . . . Thank you.

Now if the rest of you could move just a bit to the left.

Ahhhh, now THAT is some good Feng Shui.

HUMBOLDT Firti Fire

This is a subzine put out sporadically by Kevin Tighe (sounds like Ty), living in Minnesota, a state that used to be known for Humphrey, but is now known for Pawlenty and Bachman (shudder). I missed the last couple of issues because, well, I couldn’t think of anything worth writing about and by the end of this you all will wonder why I bothered to write anything this month. Onward . . .

THEYTRIEDTOMAKEMEGOTOREHABISAIDNONONOYESIVEBEENBLACKBUTWHENICOMEBACKYOULLKNO

There’s a summer reality show starting up called “Same Name”. It finds people who have the same name as celebrities and sports stars and has them trade places for a week. So my question is WHY AM I NOT ON THIS SHOW? The last time I saw Mr. Tighe he was being John Locke’s horrible, horrible father in “Lost”. I can do that for a week, be a stern father. My acting skills have improved – I hardly ever flail my arms around when I talk now. And it would be fun to see the actor work in a hot humid bakery for nine hours a day (well, fun for me). The cameras could catch him updating my fantasy baseball teams, get ready for the fantasy football draft, type Diplomacy moves, mow the lawn, go to a Twins game, take my son to horse riding lessons, celtic harp lessons, guitar lessons, and put off writing a subzine for a diplomacy-related zine.

IAINTGOTHTETIMEANDIFMYDADDYTHINKSIMFINEHESTRIEDTOMAKEMEGOTOREHABIWONTGOGOGO

The Stephen King Effect

The surest sign that an author has gained too much power is when they are allowed to re-edit their books to include everything the publisher originally told them to take out. King added some 300 pages to The Stand bringing it up to an 1100 page monster. Now Stephenie Meyer has done the same thing to her Twilight Series; 200 pages to the first book and 250 to the second one New Moon. I found these newly expanded editions at the local bookstore and had to see what was worth adding. In the introduction Meyer says the new material adds to the characters depth and will help the readers better understand motivations and alliances. She pointed to a new chapter that she was particularly proud. Here is an excerpt of that chapter:

Looking out the window she saw the rain falling gently, constantly, unceasingly. Even the tree tops disappeared in the low hanging clouds. My god, I am so bored. Living in this small town is such a drudge. Well, there are a few people I like here, I guess.

“Hey Bella, do you have your orders yet?”

Bella looked back into the room. There Edward stood with some of his friends and others. God, his hair is so beautiful. I wish I could grab it by the tufts. . .”Mmmmm.”

“Bella, do you still need to talk to someone?”

“Look at her. I hate that vacant stare. Can we just kill her?” said a voice in the back.

A smaller young woman spoke up, “Shhhh. I told you she’s special. Bella dear, I’m Italy remember we talked about how you wouldn’t build any Turkish fleets?”

Jacob laid down his pencil, stood up and took off his shirt. “Here are my orders. Let’s do this.”

Edward gave a disgusted look at him. “Must you do that EVERY time you turn in orders?” Bella gazed over to Jacob. The light rippled off the rippling muscles of his rippling chest. “Jacob, I promise I won’t do anything to hurt you in Austria. I could never hurt you.” “Yes, but can’t you see Edward’s Russia will soon invade and take you?” “Edward take me? Yes, take me Edward. Invade me.” Edward looked toward Italy, “No, I can’t do this. She should not join us. I refuse to take her.” Turning back to Bella he said, “You need to fight me. Fight me now!” Bella gazed back at him. She noticed how his hair glistened in the soft light. Looking down at the paper she quickly wrote something and said, “I’m ready. Now will someone please hand me the dice.” From the back of the room a voice shouted,”I need someone to kill her!”

ITSGOTMEADDICTEDDOESMORETHANANYDICKDIDYEAHICANGETMINEANDYOUCANGETYOURSYEAHICA

I Know a Place

Here are 3 video selections for your enjoyment, just punch in these key words.

1). I Believe, tony awards: So did anyone besides McHugh watch the Tony Awards this year? Thought not. This year the Book of Mormon cleaned up. It has music written by the Avenue Q guy, script and lyrics by the South Park guys and is based on a book by that Mormon guy. It’s a funny song and very well sung.

2). Daniel Radcliff, Elements song: This is from about a year ago. Daniel is on a talk show and sings the song from memory. That he is even aware of Tom Lehrer is amazing to me. Now that the Harry Potter series is over he has moved on to singing and dancing in Broadway musicals. So he is turning into the British version of a young Matthew Broderick, just as long as he doesn’t turn into the British version of the old talentless Broderick.

3). Sucker Punch Disney Princesses: Am I the only one who liked Sucker Punch? It was in the theaters for about 2 weeks, then shows up on DVD eight weeks later. I think the problem was that it’s a drive in movie and they’re pretty much gone. Back in the 80’s, a guy named Jim Bob would only review drive in movies. I think a part of his review for Sucker Punch would end like this: It has Kung Fu, Karate Fu, Chinese statue Fu, Dragon Fu, Steam punk Fu, Robot Fu, All Men are Evil Fu, Girls named Baby Doll & Rocket Fu, 415 explosions, no breasts, I say check it out.

BROTHERTHERESTHERESSOMUCHICOULDNEVERSAYTOYOURFACEBYEBYENOWYOUSHOULDKNOWTHE

That’s all I have for now and I’m sorry no one could help you Amy. But let’s end this with a song, so put your hands in the air and wave your arms back and forth. Yeah, that’s it. (music swells) Do you hear that music swelling? Now repeat after me. “I belieeeeeeve. . .

That God has his own planet.

I belieeeeeeve. . .

Jesus has his-own planet too.

That’s it just keep waving those arms. I belieeeeeeve . . .”

Kevin (“call me NBC”) Tighe

The Twisting Tale

This is a rotating story, with a different author every issue, and a chapter of 500 words. If you’d like to participate, please email me and let me know, and I’ll let you know when your turn comes up. We need more particpants! Email me at dougray30@yahoo.com if you’d like to participate!

Chapter 5 by Paraic Reddington

She …”He gave us the slip. Dammit. Seems he stowed his phone in the back of a camper van. Some kids on spring break on their way to Tijuana got the fright of their lives when they got pulled over by four screaming units.”

Axel slammed the phone shut and placed his head in his hands.

LaSeuer banked the Cessna to the North. “Shit. Ok back to San Diego and square one.”

______________________

Tacoma, Washington…later the same day

“Detective Brody, this way”.

He examined the scene.

The body lay sprawled across the desk, it’s back arched sickeningly. Papers were strewn everywhere, evidence of the spasms before death. A large potted plant, a yucca he thought, had been upturned and had spread its contents across the carpet. In the dirt were four clearly discernable footprints.

There was no blood. In fact there was no sign of the cause of death. But he knew it would be the same as the others. Somewhere in the back of the man’s neck would be the tell-tale signs of a syringe.

All the signs pointed the same way. All the clues told him it was the same man – a contract killer who was working his way through a list of a dozen names. There were eight victims so far, each killed the same way. Each on the Western seaboard. Each had been sent the same email a week before – “I love you.”

______________________

Pike Place Market, Seattle

He still had the envelope that was handed to him at the rendezvous point – a Wendy’s in a small town called Truth or Consequences. The Healey was gone – far too conspicuous. He was now in a late model Corolla. Him and every second other car it seemed.

He had parked the car on Seneca and walked the three blocks up the hill on1st. He was fairly sure he hadn’t been followed but slipped in through the Pike Brewery to make sure. He emerged into the crowded market and made his way through the crowd. The stench of fish was everywhere, despite the constant drizzle. The rain never cleared the smell. Or the tourists.

A short walk up the hill brought him to Starbucks. The first Starbucks. Out front a noisy group of Japanese tourists (is there any other kind?) chattered away while posing for photos. There must be a thousand pictures taken of this place every day, he thought. And I’ll bet nobody notices that door right alongside.

It was a drab peach color and looked like it hadn’t been opened in years. There was no number, no name, no doorbell. Just a big brass knocker that looked like a hideous Christmas decoration. Or an unwanted wedding gift from an old aunt.

He walked over to the door, gave a furtive glance over his shoulder, and banged the knocker three times. After a few seconds the door opened an inch. The man who answered had a face that only a mother could love. He looked like a bashed crab. “Can I help you?” he grumbled.

“Beethoven’s 10th” came the reply.

The door swung open and he stepped inside.

Next up – Andy Lischett

LIFEBOAT!

A game of survival, bad breath, and fish odor…

This is the simple game of Lifeboat. Everyone plays this, whether you participate or not. Each turn everyone still alive in the lifeboat may make a single vote to throw someone off the lifeboat, or a single vote to remove one vote from yourself (a defensive measure). The high vote getter is thrown overboard. In a tie, everyone with that score is thrown over. Last one in the boat wins. I’ll probably give a prize, as usual. Press is encouraged. Note that the votes themselves are NOT revealed. I just simply announce who is thrown overboard. If you’re not listed as in the lifeboat right now but want to be, email me and I will add you next issue. If you are listed and don’t’ want to be…well, too bad. There is no suicide in this game; you just can ignore it if you want to.

Currently in the lifeboat:

There is a mad rush as four groups grab different victims and prepare to toss one overboard. But they are beaten to it by the largest mob, which heaves Richard Walkerdine into the sea. Seconds before a shark rips his head off with a viscious bite, Richard is heard to exclaim “This reminds me of a funny story…..”

Thrown Into the Shark Infested Waters: Douglas Kent, Jack McHugh, Richard Walkerdine

PRESS

Richard Walkerdine: In reply to anonymous I could also show the sharks some pictures of my heartthrobs - they'd be sure to gobble them up before me. But I think I might be in big trouble after my 'Message from Her Majesty' is published. Oh well, so it goes...

Anonymous: There’s only room for one Cronin in this boat.

Phil Murphy: Dud-a-chuck, dud-a-chee. Shark's a hungry but not for meeee!

CRUISE SHIP ACTIVITY DIRECTOR to ALL: I vote to toss Paraic Reddington over for four reasons. First, because the name sounds made up. Second, it sounds like Remington Steele, and I hated that show. Third, I don’t know how to pronounce the name. Finally, I bet it sounds a lot like “pariah”, and that is a good person to toss.

PARAIC Reddington: If that’s the criteria, I suggest Jim Burgess. Talk about your pariahs.

Deadline for your vote and any press is August 30^th at 7:00am my time

CORPORATE GOVERNANCE LESSON 1

by Richard Walkerdine

A man is getting into the shower one morning just as his wife is getting out. As they exchange places the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and goes downstairs to see who it is. It is their neighbour, Bob.

He looks at her for a moment and then says, “I’ll give you $500 to drop that towel.”

She thinks about the offer and drops the towel, standing there naked in front of Bob.

The neighbour stares at her lovely body for more than a minute, then hands her the $500, smiles and leaves.

She wraps herself in the towel again and returns to the bathroom. “Who was it?” calls her husband from the shower.

“Oh, it was our neighbour Bob,” she replies.

“Oh great,” says the husband, “did he mention the $500 he owes me?”

The moral: If you share critical information relating to risk and debt with your stakeholders in good time, you should be in a position to avoid unnecessary exposure.

A MESSAGE FROM HER MAJESTY THE QUEEN

by Richard Walkerdine

I have been empowered by her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II to deliver this message to the citizens of the United States of America.

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for the office of President and thus to govern yourselves properly we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up ‘revocation’ in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

As your Sovereign Majesty I will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and territories (except Kansas, which I cannot abide).

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency the following rules are introduced with immediate effect.

1: The letter ‘u’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘colour’, favour’, labour’ and ‘neighbour’. Likewise you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters and the suffix ‘-ize’ will be replaced with the suffix ‘-ise’. Generally you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (You can also look up ‘vocabulary’ in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

2: Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ‘like’ and ‘you know’ is an unacceptable form of communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf in order for it to make the required changes to its spell-checker regarding Number 1 above.

3: July 4^th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

4: You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you are not yet ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse and if you can’t sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you are not yet ready to shoot grouse.

5: All intersections will be replaced by roundabouts and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time you will go metric without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

6: You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

7: The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as lager. American brands will be referred to as near-frozen gnat’s urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

8: Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast British actors as good guys. They will also be required to cast British actors to play British roles. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt an English accent in Four Weddings And A Funeral was an experience akin to having one’s ears removed with a cheese grater.

9: You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

10: Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders your error is to a degree understandable..

11: You will instead learn to play cricket and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

12: You must tell us who really killed JFK. It’s been driving us mad.

13: An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

14: Daily tea time will begin promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups and saucers, never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes, plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

That concludes the message Her Majesty empowered me to deliver.

GOD SAVE THE QUEEN

HEARTTHROBS PART 4

by Richard Walkerdine

Some more of those lovely girls that I fell in love with as I was growing up (and indeed in some cases after I was already grown up). We are still just in the 60s but about to move fully into the 70s and I am now in my mid twenties (and would soon be getting married to Claire – she has seen these by the way and just sighs and gives me a dirty look). It would still be nice if other readers (guys and girls) could add some of their own.

First on the list this month is the lovely Selina King.

Born in 1950 to a British father and an Arab mother (which no doubt accounted for her sultry good looks) she released about six or seven singles between 1969 and 1973. Sadly I have only managed to find three for my singles collection. Alas like Patsy Ann Noble (see Part 1) she never made the charts and after that short career simply faded from the scene. I did manage to see her once at the Hammersmith Odeon in London, I think it was around 1971 and she was a very minor backup act in a concert starring Amen Corner.

But my goodness she was lovely.

Finally from the decade of the 1960s we have to include the absolutely marvellous Shirley Bassey.

Born in 1937 in Tiger Bay, Cardiff, Wales to a Nigerian father and an English mother she left school at 14 and found employment as a packer in a local factory, did a bit of waitressing and sang in the local pubs and clubs. She actually got a recording contract in the mid 1950s but it would be the 1960s before she reached real stardom.

Although she had many chart hits she would probably not be classed as a pop star. Her deep voice and expensive gowns made her more suited to middle of the road songs. She does however hold the unique distinction of being the only singer to perform three theme songs for James Bond films – Goldfinger in 1965, Diamonds Are Forever in 1971 and Moonraker in 1979. A record that will probably never be equalled.

In 1993 she was awarded the honour of a CBE (Commander of the British Empire) and in 1999 Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II made her a Dame (the full title is Dame Commander of the Order of the British Empire, the female equivalent of a Knighthood). Also in that year she received France’s top honour the Legion d’Honneur.

In 2007 she was the big name star at the annual Glastonbury pop festival in the south of England. As usual it rained and the field soon became a sea of mud. Shirley appeared in one of her expensive gowns but was also wearing green rubber boots because of the mud. However her rubber boots were encrusted with diamante crystals and had the initials DSB on the sides (Dame Shirley Bassey) – I think she is rather proud of being made a Dame.

Also in 2007 her then latest single ‘The Living Tree’ made the UK charts and Shirley celebrated 50 years of making hits – the longest span of top 40 hits in UK chart history.

Like Diana Ross and Cher she is another example of ‘If you’ve got it, flaunt it’, and bloody good luck to her.

And now we move into the 1970s and that has just got to start with the girls from ABBA.

When they appeared on stage in the 1974 Eurovision Song Contest in those fantastic costumes and started singing (‘My my, at Waterloo, Napoleon did surrender’) my jaw dropped, my eyes bulged and I thought, “Goodness, the show’s over, these have got to be the winners”. Which of course they were and the rest, as they say, is history.

The group consisted of Anni-Frid Lyngstad (the brunette), Benni Andersson, Bjorn Ulvaeus and Agnetha (pronounced ‘Anyetta’) Faltskog (the blondie and my favourite), hence the name from their initials. They formed in 1972 and after Eurovision in 1974 became a world wide success for the next ten years. In fact at one point they were earning more exports for the Swedish economy than Sweden’s biggest manufacturing company, SAAB – that is a measure of how big they were.

Of course it all ended in tears, as it so often does, and in the early 1980s the group broke up. Many of their later songs had been about relationships breaking down and I guess this was a way of telling their millions of fans what was happening.

Benni and Bjorn went on to have great success with musicals, stage plays and films (and if you haven’t seen the film ‘Mamma Mia’ go out and get the DVD – it’s full of ABBA songs and although Pierce Brosnan can’t sing for toffees (though to be fair he does try hard) Meryl Streep is a revelation, probably even surprising herself at how well she does. It’s just lovely).

As for the girls Anni-Frid married a German prince and went to live in a castle while Agnetha bought a small island off the Swedish coast where she still lives as a virtual recluse. In 2000 they were offered $1 billion (yes, a billion dollars) to reform and do a world tour. The boys jumped at the chance but the girls weren’t interested.

A sad end for what was almost certainly the greatest boy/girl group in the history of the world.

But Agnetha, as well as being so pretty, had such a lovely voice

AN EXPLANATION OF THE GAME OF ‘CRICKET’

by Richard Walkerdine

In the interest of greater international understanding I thought you might like to read this explanation of the game. (Note: although I refer to men in this explanation that is simply for convenience as cricket is also played by women).

You have two sides of eleven men (plus a twelfth man who doesn’t play)

One side is out in the field and one side is in.

Each man that’s in the side that’s in goes out and when he’s out he comes in and the next man goes in until he’s out.

When they are all out the side that’s out comes in and the side that’s been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out.

In all cricket games you get one man still in and not out.

When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in.

There are two men called umpires who stay out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out.

After five days, when both sides have been in and all the men have been out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who were not out, that is the end of the game.

Quite simple really.

CURIOSITIES FROM THE OXFORD DICTIONARY OF SCIENTIFIC QUOTATIONS

Selected by Paul Milewski

If one in twenty does not seem high enough odds, we may, if we prefer it, draw the line at one in fifty (the 2 per cent. point). Personally, the writer prefers to set a low standard of significance at the 5 per cent. point, and ignore entirely all results which fails to reach this level. A scientific fact should be regarded experimentally established only if a properly designed experiment rarely fails to give this level of significance.—Ronald Aylmer Fisher (1890-1962), “The Arrangement of Field Experiments,” The Journal of the Ministry of Agriculture, 1926,33, 504.

In New England they once thought blackbirds useless, and mischievous to the corn. They made efforts to destroy them. The consequence was, the blackbirds were diminished; but a kind of worm, which devoured their grass, and which the blackbirds used to feed on, increased prodigiously; then, finding their loss in grass much greater than their savings in corn, they wished again for their blackbirds.—Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790), Letter to Richard Jackson, 5 May 1753; in Albert Henry Smyth, The Writings of Benjamin Franklin (1905), Vol. 3, 135.

In 1963, when I assigned the name “quark” to the fundamental constituents of the nucleon, I had the sound first, without the spelling, which could have been “kwork.” Then, in one of my occasional perusals of Finnegan’s Wake, by James Joyce, I came across the word “quark” in the phrase “Three quarks for Muster Mark.” Since “quark” (meaning, for one thing, the cry of a gull) was clearly intended to rhyme with “Mark,” as well as “bark” and other such words, I had to find an excuse to pronounce it as “kwork.” But the book represents the dreams of a publican named Humphrey Chimpden Earwicker. Words in the text are typically drawn from several sources at once, like the “portmanteau words” in Through the Looking Glass. From time to time, phrases occur in the book that are partially determined by calls for drinks at the bar. I argued, therefore, that perhaps one of the multiple sources of the cry “Three quarks for Muster Mark” might be pronunciation for “Three quarts for Muster Mark,” in which case the pronunciation “kwork” would not be totally unjustified. In any case, the number three fitted perfectly the way quarks occur in nature.—Murray Gell-Mann (1929-), The Quark and the Jaguar (1994), 180.

I, Galileo Galilei, son of the late Vincenzio Galilei of Florence, aged seventy years, being brought personally to judgment, and kneeling before you, Most Eminent and Most Revered Lords Cardinals, General Inquisitors of the Universal Christian Commonwealth against heretical depravity, having before my eyes the Holy Gospels which I touch with my own hands, swear that I have always believed, and, with the help of God, will in future believe, every article which the Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church of Rome holds, teaches, and preaches. But because I have been enjoined, by the Holy Office, altogether to abandon the false opinion which maintains that the Sun is the center and immovable, and forbidden to hold, defend, or teach, the said false doctrine in any manner . . . I am willing to remove from the minds of your Eminences, and of every Catholic Christian, this vehement suspicion rightly entertained towards me, therefore, with a sincere heart and unfeigned faith, I abjure, curse, and detest said errors and heresies, and generally every other error and sect contrary to the said Holy Church; and I swear that I will never more in future say, or assert anything, verbally or in writing, which may give rise to a similar suspicion of me; but that if I shall know any heretic, or anyone suspected of heresy, I will denounce him to the Holy Office, or to the Inquisitor and Ordinary of the place in which I may be. I swear, moreover, and promise that I will fulfill and observe fully all the penances which have been or shall be laid on me by this Holy Office. But if it shall happen that I violate any of my said promises, oaths, and protestations (which God avert), I subject myself to all the pains and punishments which have been decreed and promulgated by the sacred canons and other general and particular constitutions against delinquents of this description. So, may God help me, and his Holy Gospels, which I touch with my own hands, I, the above named Galileo Galilei, have abjured, sworn, promised, and bound myself as above; and, in witness thereof, with my own hand have subscribed this present writing of my abjuration, which I have recited word for word.—Galileo Galilei (1564-1642), the terms of Galileo’s Abjuration, Quoted in J. J. Fahie, Galileo, His Life and Work (1903), 319-21.

Game Openings

Diplomacy (Black Press – Permanent Opening in ES): Signed up: Mark Firth, John Biehl, need 5 more to fill. Sign up now!

Balkan Wars VI – To be Guest GM’d by Brad Wilson: Signed up: Doug Kent (that’s me folks), Jack McHugh, Lance Anderson, needs 3 more. Contact Brad to sign up at bwdolphin146 “of” yahoo.com. Sign up now!!! HURRY!!!

Everybody Plays Diplomacy (Black Press): An ongoing everyone-plays variant. Rules are in ES #47. Join in at any time!

By Almost Popular Demand: Underway, join anytime.

23 Tunes: Game currently underway, join any time.

Lifeboat: Everybody plays, whether you actually do anything or not.

Standby List: HELP! I need standby players! – Current standby list: Graham Wilson, Jim Burgess (Dip only), Lance Anderson (Dip only), Martin Burgdorf, Paul Milewski (Dip only), Brad Wilson, Kevin Tighe (Dip only), Chris Babcock, Don Williams, and whoever I beg into it in an emergency.

I’m going to continue to go through my files and seeing what other variants I can offer, until I find one that gets enough interest to fill. When I offer a variant I’ll give it an issue or two, but if nobody signs up I’ll drop the opening and replace it. If somebody wants to guest-GM a game of anything, just get in touch. If you have specific game requests please let me know.

Eternal Sunshine Game Section

Diplomacy “Dulcinea” 2008C, W 13/S 14

Austria (Lance Anderson – lance_anderson “of” hotmail.com): Plays 1 short.. A Belgium – Picardy,

A Bohemia – Munich, A Burgundy – Gascony, A Galicia – Bohemia, A Gascony – Brest,

F Gulf of Lyon - Western Mediterranean, A Holland – Belgium, A Kiel – Denmark, A Munich – Burgundy,

A Paris Supports A Gascony – Brest, A Piedmont Hold, A Silesia – Berlin, A Trieste - Tyrolia.

England (Philip Murphy - trekkypj “of” gmail.com): ~~A Brest - Paris~~ (*Disbanded*),

F English Channel Convoys A London – Brest, A Finland Supports F St Petersburg(nc),

A London - Brest (*Fails*), ~~F Mid-Atlantic Ocean - North Atlantic Ocean~~ (*Dislodged*, retreat to Irish Sea

or OTB), F North Sea - Norwegian Sea, F Portugal - Spain(sc) (*Fails*),

F St Petersburg(nc) Supports A Finland (*Fails*), A Yorkshire - Liverpool

Turkey (Jim Burgess – jfburgess “of” gmail.com): Plays 2 short.. F Constantinople Hold,

F Ionian Sea - Tyrrhenian Sea, A Livonia Supports A Moscow - St Petersburg, F Marseilles Supports F Spain(sc),

A Moscow - St Petersburg (*Fails*), F North Atlantic Ocean Supports F Western Mediterranean - Mid-Atlantic

Ocean, F North Africa Supports F Western Mediterranean - Mid-Atlantic Ocean, F Spain(sc) Supports F Western

Mediterranean - Mid-Atlantic Ocean (*Cut*), F Western Mediterranean - Mid-Atlantic Ocean.

Summer/Fall 14 Deadline is August 30th at 7:00am my time

PRESS

Sultan to Prime Minister: Nice idea, in another game.

A/H to P.M.: let's be civil about this, my Turkish ally needs a nice island vacation and I'd like to visit the coast myself!

“Dulcinea” Diplomacy Bourse

Billy Ray Valentine: Nada.

Duke of York: Nada.

Smaug the Dragon: Sells 500 Pounds. Buys 500 Crowns.

Rothschild: Sells 500 Pounds. Buys 485 Piastres.

Baron Wuffet: Nada.

Wooden Nickel Enterprises: Nada.

VAIONT Enterprises: Sells 417 Pounds. Buys 371 Crowns

Insider Trading LLC: Nada.

Bourse Master: Nada.

Next Bourse Deadline is August 29^th at 7:00pm my time

PRESS

VAIONT ENTERPRISES to HOUSE of HAPSBURG: I’m all in. You can go ahead and win any time now.

White Press Diplomacy “Creepshow” 2009D, End Game

Graustark Game 2002D, End Game Report

The report is incomplete, but that’s the data I have at the moment. I believe the first 5 or 6 years were actually in Paul Milewski’s “Yellow Pajamas” and THEN the game moved to Graustark. At least one player plans to submit an EOG for next issue, and hopefully is also going to help me fill in the blanks above.

Graustark Diplomacy Game 2006A, F 11

Austria (Don Williams – dwilliams “of” fontana.org): ~~A Budapest - Serbia~~ (*Dislodged*, retreat to Vienna

or OTB), ~~F Ionian Sea - Albania~~ (*Dislodged*, retreat to Eastern Mediterranean or Adriatic Sea or Naples or

Tyrrhenian Sea or Tunis or OTB).

England (Fred Wiedemeyer – wiedem “of” telus.net): F English Channel - Brest (*Bounce*),

F Irish Sea - Mid-Atlantic Ocean, F Mid-Atlantic Ocean - North Africa, F North Atlantic Ocean Supports F Irish Sea

- Mid-Atlantic Ocean, F Norway - North Sea, A Paris - Gascony (*Bounce*), A Picardy – Belgium,

F St Petersburg(nc) Hold.

France (Hank Alme – almehj “of” alumni.rice.edu): F Portugal Hold.

Germany (Harley Jordan – harleyj “of” alum.mit.edu): F Baltic Sea Supports A Prussia – Livonia,

F Gulf of Bothnia Supports F St Petersburg(nc), A Marseilles Supports F Mid-Atlantic Ocean - Spain(sc) (*Void*),

A Prussia – Livonia, A Rome – Apulia, A Silesia Supports A Vienna – Galicia, A Spain - Gascony (*Bounce*),

A Trieste Supports A Budapest - Serbia (*Cut*), A Tyrolia Supports A Trieste, A Vienna - Galicia.

Italy (Jim Burgess – jfburgess “of” gmail.com): Retreat F Mid-Atlantic Ocean – Gascony.. F Gascony – Brest

(*Bounce*).

Russia (John Biehl – jerbil “of” shaw.ca): F Aegean Sea Supports F Greece - Ionian Sea,

A Albania - Trieste (*Fails*), F Black Sea – Constantinople, ~~A Galicia - Vienna~~ (*Dislodged*, retreat to Bohemia

or Warsaw or OTB), F Greece - Ionian Sea, A Livonia – Moscow, A Moscow – Ukraine,

A Rumania Supports A Serbia – Budapest, A Serbia - Budapest.

A/W 1911 and Spring 1912 Deadline is August 30th at 7:00am my time

Supply Center Chart

Austria: Naples, Serbia, Vienna?, Tunis?=2 to 4, No Room to Build

England: Belgium, Brest, Edinburgh, Liverpool, London, Norway, Paris, St Petersburg=8, Even

France: Portugal=1, Even

Germany: Berlin, Denmark, Holland, Kiel, Marseilles, Munich, Rome, Spain,

Sweden, Trieste, Venice, Vienna?=11 or 12, Build 1 or 2

Italy: Tunis?=1 or 0, Even or OUT

Russia: Ankara, Budapest, Bulgaria, Constantinople, Greece, Moscow, Rumania,

Sevastopol, Smyrna, Warsaw=10, Build 1 or 2

PRESS:

Italy in Exile: I'm enjoying a fine wine (or is it whine, or is it whinge) in a field in Gascony where I've beached my ship. I shall kiss my ass goodbye with outpourings of great joy.

AUSTRIA – GERMANY: Here I remain, cheerfully dancing at the end of the strings for my master. Lots of cool retreats, indeed.

Berne(d), Switz (Oct 31, 1911): Recent Russian emigres report that a coup d'etat has occurred in the provisional capital of Moscow and that Czar Ivan VII and his immediate family have been executed. All lines of

communication have reportedly been cut so verification of these developments cannot be verified.

Black Press Gunboat, “Scream” 2010Brb32, Summer 05

Summer Only by Player Request

England: Retreat F Norway - Norwegian Sea..Has F Edinburgh, F Norwegian Sea, A Yorkshire.

France: Has A Belgium, A Burgundy, F English Channel, A Piedmont, F Western Mediterranean.

Germany: Retreat A Belgium – Holland, F Edinburgh - Clyde..Has F Clyde, F Denmark, A Holland, A Kiel,

A Munich, F North Sea.

Italy: Retreat A Munich – Tyrolia, F Rome – Tuscany, A Venice - Apulia..Has A Apulia, F Tuscany, A Tyrolia.

Russia: Has A Finland, A Moscow, F Norway, A Serbia, F Sevastopol, A St Petersburg, F Sweden, A Trieste,

A Venice, A Warsaw.

Turkey: Has F Aegean Sea, A Bulgaria, A Greece, F Ionian Sea, A Rome, F Tunis, F Tyrrhenian Sea.

Fall 1905 deadline is August 30^th at 7:00am my time

Diplomacy “Dublin Boys” 2010D, F 03

Austria (Paul Milewski – paul.milewski “of” hotmail.com): Retreat A Bulgaria - Serbia.. F Albania – Trieste,

A Budapest Supports A Galicia - Vienna (*Cut*), A Galicia - Vienna (*Fails*), A Serbia - Rumania (*Bounce*),

A Warsaw - Moscow.

England (Kevin Tighe – tigheman “of” yahoo.com): F Edinburgh - Norwegian Sea,

F North Sea - Denmark (*Fails*), F Norway Supports F Skagerrak – Sweden, F Skagerrak – Sweden,

A Yorkshire - Edinburgh.

France (Jeff O’Donnell – unclestaush “of” yahoo.com): Retreat F Tyrrhenian Sea - Rome..

~~A Burgundy - Marseilles~~ (*Dislodged*, retreat to Picardy or Paris or OTB), A Paris – Gascony, F Rome – Naples,

F Tunis Hold, F Western Mediterranean Supports F Tunis.

Germany (Melinda Holley – genea5613 “of” aol.com): A Belgium Supports A Munich – Burgundy,

F Denmark Supports F Sweden (*Cut*), F Kiel Supports F Denmark, A Munich – Burgundy,

A Ruhr Supports A Belgium.

Italy (Hank Alme – almehj “of” alumni.rice.edu): F Greece Supports F Ionian Sea,

F Ionian Sea Supports F Tyrrhenian Sea – Tunis, A Piedmont - Marseilles (*Bounce*),

F Tyrrhenian Sea - Tunis (*Fails*).

Russia (Jack McHugh – jwmchughjr “of” gmail.com): A Rumania - Budapest (*Fails*),

F Sevastopol - Rumania (*Bounce*), ~~F Sweden Supports F Denmark~~ (*Dislodged*, retreat to Baltic Sea or Gulf

of Bothnia or Finland or OTB), A Ukraine - Galicia (*Fails*), A Vienna Supports A Rumania - Budapest (*Cut*).

Turkey (Brad Wilson - bwdolphin146 “of”yahoo.com): A Ankara Hold, F Black Sea Supports F Bulgaria(ec),

F Bulgaria(ec) Hold.

Winter 03/Spring 04 Deadline is August 30th at 7:00am my time

Supply Center Chart

Austria: Budapest, Moscow, Serbia, Trieste=4, Remove 1

England: Edinburgh, Liverpool, London, Norway, St Petersburg, Sweden=6, Build 1

France: Brest, Marseilles, Naples, Paris, Portugal, Spain, Tunis=7, Build 2 or 3

Germany: Belgium, Berlin, Denmark, Holland, Kiel, Munich=6, Build 1

Italy: Greece, Rome, Venice=3, Remove 1

Russia: Rumania, Sevastopol, Vienna, Warsaw=4, Even or Remove 1

Turkey: Ankara, Bulgaria, Constantinople, Smyrna=4, Build 1

PRESS

England to Germany I am going to build 2 armys this winter 04. If you continue to move west what we will have is a stalemate. On the other hand if you decide to move east you would find me to be an awsome allie.

Eng-Fra: Hey, what-a-come-and-a-go are you doing?

Eng-Ger: Nothing personal, I just really want Sweden.

Everybody Plays Diplomacy “Dandelion” 2010Cvj08, W 03/S 04

Player Names or Handles will be shown for any power they commanded each season.

Remember, in some seasons if we get enough players you may not wind up commanding any nations. All press submitted will be printed.

Austria (Dave McCrumb): Build waived.. A Bohemia - Silesia (*Fails*), ~~A Munich - Ruhr~~ (*Dislodged*, retreat

to Tyrolia or OTB), A Piedmont - Marseilles (*Fails*), A Rumania - Sevastopol (*Bounce*), A Serbia – Budapest,

A Silesia - Prussia (*Fails*).

England (Jack McHugh): Build A London.. F Denmark Supports F North Sea - Norway (*Fails*),

F English Channel Convoys A London – Brest, A London - Brest (*Fails*), F Mid-Atlantic Ocean - Portugal (*Bounce*), F North Sea - Norway.

France (Italy Must Win): Build waived.. A Belgium Supports A Holland, F Brest - English Channel (*Fails*),

A Burgundy - Ruhr (*Bounce*), A Holland Supports A Belgium, F Marseilles Hold,

F Spain(sc) - Portugal (*Bounce*).

Germany (Paraic Reddington): A Berlin – Munich, A Kiel Supports A Berlin – Munich, A Sweden Unordered.

Italy (John Biehl): Build A Rome.. F Greece Supports F Tyrrhenian Sea - Ionian Sea, A Rome – Venice,

F Tyrrhenian Sea - Ionian Sea, F Western Mediterranean - Spain(sc) (*Fails*).

Russia (Italy Must Win): Remove A Galicia.. F Baltic Sea Hold, A Moscow Hold, F Prussia Hold,

A Sevastopol Hold.

Turkey (Jack McHugh): Remove A Constantinople.. F Ankara Unordered, F Armenia - Sevastopol (*Bounce*),

F Eastern Mediterranean Unordered, F Smyrna Unordered.

F 04 Deadline is August 30^th at 7:00am my time

PRESS

Berne(d), Switz. (Apr 1, 1904): F Ank & F Arm? Whose mental idea was that?

Italy Must Win to Pikers: I have to rely on you minions to make Italy claim its rightful place at the head of this pack? Pshaw, let's see some better moves!

Italy Must Win to Sack Doug: You better choose some of MY orders this time, else go sit in time out with Jack!

Italy Must Win to Italy Must Eat Spaghetti: May we share a meal together, kind sir?

Italy Must Win to Italy Must Die: I'm still not speaking to dogs like you!

Italy Must Win to Germany Must Have Beer: I'll hoist a few with you!

ROM-MOS: Meow, meow, gather my fur under your feet. Then, clean it with your tongue.

Italy Must Win to SPECTRE: Now you could take out Austria too.

Black Press Gunboat, “Streets of Soho,” 2011Arb32, F 02

Austria: F Aegean Sea Supports A Serbia – Bulgaria, A Budapest Supports F Sevastopol - Rumania (*Void*),

A Greece Supports A Serbia – Bulgaria, A Serbia – Bulgaria, A Trieste - Serbia.

England: F North Sea – Norway, F Norway - St Petersburg(nc), A Yorkshire - London.

France: A Burgundy – Belgium, F English Channel - Mid-Atlantic Ocean, F Gulf of Lyon - Spain(sc),

A Marseilles Supports F Gulf of Lyon - Spain(sc).

Germany: A Berlin Supports A Munich (*Cut*), A Kiel – Denmark, A Munich Supports A Berlin,

F Sweden Supports A Kiel - Denmark.

Italy: A Piedmont - Venice (*Bounce*), A Tuscany - Venice (*Bounce*), F Tyrrhenian Sea - Gulf of Lyon,

F Western Mediterranean Supports F Tyrrhenian Sea - Gulf of Lyon.

Russia: F Baltic Sea Supports A Silesia – Berlin, F Black Sea Supports F Aegean Sea - Constantinople (*Void*),

F Sevastopol Supports A Ukraine – Rumania, A Silesia - Berlin (*Fails*), A Ukraine - Rumania.

Turkey: Retreat F Black Sea - Ankara.. F Ankara Hold, A Armenia – Smyrna,

~~A Bulgaria Supports A Ukraine - Rumania~~ (*Disbanded*), A Constantinople Supports A Bulgaria.

W 02/S 03 Deadline is August 30th at 7:00am my time

Supply Center chart

Austria: Budapest, Bulgaria, Greece, Serbia, Trieste, Vienna=6, Build 1

England: Edinburgh, Liverpool, London, Norway, St Petersburg=5, Build 2

France: Belgium, Brest, Marseilles, Paris, Spain=5, Build 1

Germany: Berlin, Denmark, Kiel, Munich, Sweden=5, Build 1

Italy: Naples, Rome, Tunis, Venice=4, Even

Russia: Moscow, Rumania, Sevastopol, Warsaw=4, Remove 1

Turkey: Ankara, Constantinople, Smyrna=3, Even

Unowned: Holland, Portugal.

PRESS

Anonymous: England sucks, but Russia swallows!!

Tur - Rus: We have a common enemy...Austria!

Archduke - Cardinals: No need to worry.

Anonymous: An EF would dominate over an RG…But an EFI would be even better…yes, si, oui?

ITALY – AUSTRIA: Done and done. Don’t tarry in Trieste, either. I’ve better things to do with those armies.

ITALY – GERMANY: Like reclaim Nice. We both know that ‘Marseilles’ is just a cover-up of a serious historic theft. Nice was Italian before it was stolen by the prototypical Eurotrash hegemonists, the Bourbons. We want it back. Won’t you help?

VENICE – BERLIN: Relax, you never were the target. Sorry I distracted you. We central powers have to stick together.

APULIA – BOHEMIA: Am I right or what?

GREEN BLOCKS to BLUE BLOCKS: Quit stammering. We saw the movie. Geoffrey rush was great as usual. Helena Bonham Carter, too. Now please help us off the Frog what attacked you.

DOGE to FROGE: No offense. It’s just bidness.

ROME to CON: Damn. I wish I could get over there to help. Them, not you. Good luck.

Gamestart – Black Press Diplomacy - “Lighthouse” - 2011?

The Players:

Austria (Don Williams – dwilliams “of” fontana.org)

England (Phil Murphy – trekkypj “of” gmail.com)

France (Kevin Wilson – ckevinw “of” comcast.net)

Germany (Brad Wilson – bwdolphin146 “of” yahoo.com)

Italy (Melinda Holley – genea5613 “of” aol.com)

Russia (Fred Wiedemeyer – wiedem “of” telus.net)

Turkey (Lance Anderson – lance_anderson “of” hotmail.com)

Spring 1901 Deadline is August 30th at 7:00am my time

PRESS

Prime Minister to All: Right let's be having your envoys, then. The English are ready to hear your petitions.

By Almost Popular Demand

The goal is to pick something that fits the category and will be the a popular answer but NOT the "most popular" answer. You score points based on the number of entries that match yours. For example, if the category is "Cats" and the responses were 7 for Persian, 3 for Calico and 1 for Siamese, everyone who said Persian would get 7 points, Calico 3 and the lone Siamese would score 1 point. However, if your answer is the most popular answer, you score ZERO. The cumulative total over 10 rounds will determine the overall winner. Anyone may enter at any point, starting with an equivalent point total of the lowest cumulative score from the previous round. If a person misses a round, they'll receive the minimum score from the round added to their cumulative total. In each round you may specify one of your answers as your Joker answer. Your score for this answer will be doubled. In other words, if you apply your Joker to category 3 on a given turn, and 4 other people give the same answer as you, you get 10 points instead of 5. Players who fail to submit a Joker for any specific turn will have their Joker automatically applied to the first category. And, if you want to submit some commentary with your answers, feel free to. The game will consist of 10 rounds, and the score is doubled for Round 10. A prize will be awarded to the winner. Research is permitted!

Round 2 Categories

1. A color.

2. A sense.

3. A book by Kurt Vonnegut.

4. A song by ABBA.

5. A gemstone.

Selected Comments by Category:

Color – Rick Desper “Blue. No, green! ARrrrrrrgh!” Kevin Wilson “Since the primary colors, red, blue & yellow might be popular (nah, no one will pick yellow) I thought I'd venture one mix down the color wheel and since I like green, green it is.” Marc Ellinger “I just can’t figure out what this will be. Red, white and blue all jump to mind right off…so go with the prima facie answer!” Richard Walkerdine “I always vote Conservative and Blue is their color.”

Sense – Kevin Wilson “To guess what would be popular, I was thinking in terms of which could I least live without. It seems sight is far too important. How those without sight function is beyond me. Losing taste or touch or smell or hearing would be bad but not as bad as sight so I stayed away from sight. Then, it was which, of the next group, would be hardest to live without. It seemed to me hearing was next, so hearing it is.” Marc Ellinger “The favorite of epicureans everywhere!”

Vonnegut Book – Kevin Wilson “I felt I had to stay away from Slaughterhouse-Five. Surely that will be number 1. Besides, The Sirens of Titan may be the only one I've read as I've not read SH-5.” Michael Moulton “Galapagos was the first Vonnegut book I read, and one of the lesser-known ones.” Marc Ellinger “Book sucks….but the movie (Slapstick) was AWESOME!!!” Richard Walkerdine “The Sirens of Titan is strangely the only one in my sci-fi collection.” Jim Burgess “The Sirens of Titan is easily Vonnegut's coolest book, and I hope the long awaited movie that Vonnegut approved the screenplay for before he died actually comes to pass. I probably won't score many points for it, but at least I won't lose points for it as people vie for whether Cat's Cradle or Slaughterhouse 5 is most popular.”

ABBA – Kevin Wilson “I think Dancing Queen will be #1 so avoided that. With the recent show and movie, and a catchy tune to boot, Mamma Mia should do well if it doesn't come in first.” Marc Ellinger “The era of disco re-emerges….as a Broadway play, go figure.” Richard Walkerdine “Speaking of ABBA, when I was working at Airbus the finance execs had a meeting with the head of finance every month to discuss things and make sure we all knew what was happening. On one occasion I took them on one side before the meeting and suggested we all try to include an ABBA song title in anything we discussed. They loved the idea and it took our head of finance at least half an hour before he realised what we were doing. He was a good guy though and saw the funny side. Nice times.”

Gemstone – Marc Ellinger “Diamonds are a girl’s best friend, but they’re also likely to be the most popular answer!!”

Congratulations to Richard Walkerdine for getting 24 points! And condolences to poor Paraic Reddington who scored only 1 point.

Round 3 Categories

1. A piece of furniture.

2. A kitchen appliance.

3. A song by Ringo Starr (during his solo career).

4. A European nation.

5. A Day of the week.

Deadline for Round 3 is August 30th at 7:00am my time

Eternal Sunshine Movie Quote Contest

There are ten rounds of movie quotes, and each round consists of ten quotes. Anyone may enter at any point. If you want to submit some commentary with your answers, feel free to. The game will consist of 10 rounds. A prize will be awarded to the winner – and it might be a very good prize! Research is not permitted! That means NO RESEARCH OF ANY KIND, not just no searches for the quotes themselves. The only legal “research” is watching movies to try and locate quotes. Try to avoid the temptation to Google the quotes. I’m doing many of the quotes from memory anyway, so you won’t necessarily be able to find them by direct search…so don’t try! Each round will also contain one bonus question, asking what the ten movies being quoted have in common. The player with the most correct answers each round gets 3 points, 2^nd place gets 2 points, and 3^rd place gets 1 point. In the event of ties, multiple players get the points (if three players tie for first, they EACH get 3 points). High score at the end of ten rounds wins the game, and a prize (unless you cheated). If there’s enough participation I may give a prize for 2^nd and maybe even 3^rd place overall too. Quotes may contain more than one person speaking (in other words, part of a scene with more than one character talking). In those instances, quotes will separate the characters speaking. I also plan on making the 10^th round worth double points.

Round Ten – FINAL Round

#1. I'm not with you because of what family, society, life tried to instill in me from day one. The way the world is, how seldom it is that you meet that one person who just gets you; it's so rare. Chasing Amy, Correct - HT. Clerks II – RD. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind – PR.

#2. Well, it's breathing now, but it'll be hot down there. I could go with the lambs wool, but then again, you'll see a lot of khaki down there and this merlot looks good with the gray. Best in Show, Correct – HT, JB. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind – PR.

#3. Wiping out the human race? That's a great idea. That's great, but more of a long-term thing. I mean, first we have to focus on more immediate goals. 12 Monkeys, Correct – KW, DM, PR.

#4. They don't even need guns to defend that! All they've got to do is roll rocks down on us! Gettysburg, Correct – DM, PR. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid – RD. The Guns of Navarone – KT.

#5. Well, think me up a cup of coffee and a chocolate doughnut with some of those little sprinkles on top, while you're thinking. The Fugitive, Correct – KW, DM. 9 to 5 – RD.

#6. I've got a hole in me pocket. Yellow Submarine, Correct – RD, JB. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind – PR.

#7. I don't know. You're implying that I should know. If you print that, our relationship will be terminated. All the President’s Men, Correct - PR. Absence of Malice – RD.

#8. I haven't seen Berlin yet, from the ground or from the air, and I plan on doing both before the war is over. The Great Escape, Correct – DM, JB, PR.

#9. This may sound like gibberish to you, but I think I'm in a tragedy. Stranger Than Fiction, Correct – HT, DM. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead – RD. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind – PR.

#10. Even though this feels like a trial, it really isn't. It's just a process that helps us decide, and as inperfect as it may be, we think it works quite well. Defending Your Life, Correct - RD. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind – PR.

Points This Round: Dave McCrumb [DM] – 5; Paraic Reddington [PR] – 4; Jim Burgess [JB] – 3; Heather Taylor [HT] – 3; Kevin Wilson [KW] – 2; Kevin Tighe [KT] - 0.

Total Game Points: Jim Burgess – 23; Paraic Reddington – 15; Jack McHugh – 14; Kevin Tighe – 7; Rick Desper – 6; Dave McCrumb – 6; Heather Taylor – 4; Kevin Wilson – 2; Michael Moulton – 1; Hank Alme - 1.

Jim Burgess is the big winner! I’ll be in contact with Jim about his prize. I’ll probably also award prized to Paraic and Jack for finishing 2^nd and 3^rd – I just need to check my prize box to see what DVDs I have.

Is there interest in another 10-round game of this? Let me know. If I get at least 5 or 6 people saying they’ll play every round, I’ll do it again.

General Deadline for the Next Issue of Eternal Sunshine: August 30th, 2011 at 7:00am my time.

Stock	Price	% +/-
AJK - Allison Kent	52	2.0%
ALM - Hank Alme	53	1.9%
AMB - Amber Smith	53	1.9%
AND - Lance Anderson	52	2.0%
BAB - Chris Babcock	48	-4.0%
BIE - John Biehl	53	3.9%
BRG - Martin Burgdorf	53	1.9%
BWD - Brad Wilson	54	3.8%
CAK - Andy Lischett	54	3.8%
CAL - Cal White	50	-2.0%
CHC - Chuy Cronin	23	-8.0%
CIA - Tom Swider	40	-9.1%
CKW - Kevin Wilson	55	3.8%
CKY - Carol Kay	40	-9.1%
DAN - Dane Maslen	56	5.7%
DBG - David Burgess	34	-10.5%
DTC - Brendan Whyte	53	1.9%
DUK - Don Williams	55	5.8%
FRD - Fred Wiedemeyer	53	3.9%
FRG - Jeremie Lefrancois	34	-15.0%
FRT - Mark Firth	54	5.9%
GRA - Graham Wilson	48	-4.0%
HDT - Heather Taylor	54	3.8%
HLJ - Harley Jordan	52	2.0%
HPL - Hugh Polley	40	-9.1%
JOD - Jeff O'Donnell	53	3.9%
KMP - Geoff Kemp	52	0.0%
KVT - Kevin Tighe	59	9.3%
LAT - David Latimer	53	3.9%
LCR - Larry Cronin	20	-20.0%
MCC - David McCrumb	56	5.7%
MCR - Michael Cronin	20	-20.0%
MIM - Michael Moulton	54	3.8%
MRC - Marc Ellinger	52	2.0%
OTS - Tom Howell	50	-2.0%
PER - Per Westling	53	1.9%
PJM - Phil Murphy	55	3.8%
QUI - Michael Quirk	50	-2.0%
RAC - Robin ap Cynan	52	2.0%
RDP - Rick Desper	54	1.9%
REB - Melinda Holley	57	5.6%
RED - Paraic Reddington	59	9.3%
SAK - Jack McHugh	63	6.8%
TAP - Jim Burgess	58	7.4%
VOG - Pat Vogelsang	40	-9.1%
WAY - W. Andrew York	54	1.9%
WLK - Richard Walkerdine	68	11.5%
WWW - William Wood	20	-20.0%
YLP - Paul Milewski	61	7.0%