By Douglas Kent 911 Irene Drive, Mesquite, TX 75149
On the web at http://www.whiningkentpigs.com – or go directly to the Diplomacy section at http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/. Also be sure to visit the official Diplomacy World website which can be found at http://www.diplomacyworld.net. Also remember to check out http://www.helpfulkitty.com for official Toby the Helpful Kitty news, advice column, blog, and links to all his available merchandise! Links to many of the books and DVDs reviewed can be found by clicking on the Amazon Store button in the main menu of the Whining Kent Pigs website. Or go to http://www.guysexplained.com where women can learn all the secrets of how a man’s mind works, and why they act the way they do.
All Eternal Sunshine readers are encouraged to join the free Eternal Sunshine Yahoo group at http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/eternal_sunshine_diplomacy/ to stay up-to-date on any subzine news or errata. We also have our own Eternal Sunshine Twitter feed at http://www.twitter.com/EternalSunshDip, and a Facebook group at http://www.facebook.com/?ref=logo#!/group.php?gid=112223650909
Quote Of The Month – “Osidius.” (Joel in “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”)
IM of the Month – “My new Kindle should arrive today. High five! I look forward to not reading, only now I can do it digitally.” (J.B.)
Welcome to Eternal Sunshine, the only Diplomacy zine that sucks more than an industrial-strength vacuum. I mean, this is a terrible zine; awful, pointless, drab, boring, humorless, and a drag on the economy. Why anyone would want to read this pile of crap is beyond me. Plus I blew my nose on it.
I started writing my History of ThrobNet for this issue – the world’s first adults-only BBS echo network which my first wife Mara and I created – but after about three paragraphs I realized that nobody could possibly be interested in 95% of the story. The occasional lurid detail would simply not be enough. I then conducted an in-depth survey (i.e. I emailed Jim Burgess) and that confirmed by opinion. So that take is not going to make it into the zine. Consequently, there’s – once again – very little in here from me. Now that I know ThrobNet is out, I can try to write some more personal stuff for next issue; I’m probably going to focus on Mara in the near future. We’ll see.
In zine news, we have the first round of Where in the World is Kendo Nagasaki? and the Movie Photo Contest, which means if you join in now you’re not far behind (actually you can’t be behind at all in Kendo; someone wins when they win, and there are no ongoing scores per round…you can find the rules in ES 58). I’ve also added a game opening for Kremlin (with houserules elsewhere in this issue). Richard Walkerdine and Jack McHugh both appear with their usual columns, and we have another special response to the Queen of England.
Look, there’s lotsa crap in here for you to participate in (albeit 23 Tunes is almost over, and 100 Movies is winding down). So look through and do something. When getting Eternal Sunshine seems like a lot of work (which it sometimes does), the level of participation from you readers can help get me through any rough patches.
Work is killing me lately, and I’m crabby and need a nap, so I’ll just leave it at that. See you in a month!
Playlist: Bridge Over Troubled Water – Simon and Garfunkel; Pictures at an Exhibition – Emerson Lake and Palmer; From Croydon to Cuba – Kirsty MacColl; Elizabethtown (Soundtrack) – Nancy Wilson.
Last month, we gave you these two hypotheticals: #1 – A friend is in high-profile legal trouble. A tabloid offers you $20,000 for an in-depth “anonymous” interview about your friend, and you desperately need money as you are behind on your mortgage. Do you give the interview? #2 – You strongly suspect that a friend’s three-year-old child is not his biologically, but the result of an affair or one-night-stand his wife must have had. Do you say anything?
Melinda Holley - #1 - This is one (of the many) reasons I will never have another mortgage *g*. No, I will not take the money. Tabloids are the cesspools of journalism, and I have never put much credence in 'anonymous' interviewees who take money in return for the interview. This isn't journalism and shouldn't be considered as such.
#2 - Hell, no. Why should I? For all I know, my friend may know about the affair. That's between him and his wife; not me. And why drag the kid into it? The kid believes this man is his father and this man treats the kid as his child. Anyone who messes with that just for the sake of 'finding out the truth' needs to have his/her ass kicked...hard.
Richard Walkerdine - #1 - Yes I take the money from the tabloid – but of course I might not tell them the truth (as I said before I am not that honest).
#2 - No I don’t say anything, it’s none of my business. But I might have a quiet word with his wife.
Dave McCrumb - #1 - Never. I would not betray a friend that way. If so, who would ever be my friend in the future? And what kind of friend would I be if I did? It would make be question myself about who I was.
#2 - Never. Genetics plays strange games. Without seeing a DNA gel you can never be sure.
Jack McHugh - #1 - I'd ask the friend what he wanted me to do...maybe he could use the money...maybe I could donate it to a charity...sometimes people do want their story told.
#2 - No way, he needs to address that with his wife although if he asked me I'd tell him of my suspicions.
Rick Desper - #1 - I assume this question is asking whether I'd deal dirt on a friend to a tabloid for $20k. That's an easy one. No. Unless it were Chris Martin. Then I'd do it in a way to cast the blame on Brian Shelden.
#2 - Hell no! That sounds like a good way to lose friends. If the husband has any doubts, he can pursue them himself. Shouldn't need me to tell him what's what.
Richard Weiss - #1 - I take the $20K, preferably after being provided the questions to be asked and agreeing no others and I get paid (like entertainers and politicians on the night-time talk shows). I don’t have to say anything bad about my friend. I get my money. I laugh and celebrate – hopefully with my friend.
#2 - No, not today, not tomorrow, not ever. This is not any of my business and no good can come from my sharing my beliefs.
Andy York - #1 - Nope, not interested what-so-ever
#2 - Nope, not my business.
Kevin Tighe - #1 - Yes, I give the interview. I don't have to be harsh to my freind, though the tabloid will ask leading questions. The money decides it for me.
#2 - No, I don't say anything. Producing a child is not the same as raising a child. The man who is raising this child IS the father. There is nothing to tell.
Tom Howell - #1 – No.
#2 – No.
Heather Taylor - #1 – It honestly depends on how close of a friend they are. The better the friend, the less chance I’d do the interview. I’d like to think I wouldn’t do the interview regardless, but you never know what you’ll do when you are desperate.
#2 – No, it’s not my place to say anything, and if he’s loved and raised the child I wouldn’t want to damage that relationship in any way.
For Next Month (For the time being, I am usually selecting questions from the game “A Question of Scruples” which was published in 1984 by High Games Enterprises). Remember you can make your answers as detailed as you wish.: #1 (from Andy Lischett) - You are a rabid environmentalist. You are driving across Siberia in a coal-powered electric car when you get a flat tire. While changing the tire you are attacked by an ultra-endangered Siberian Blue Tiger. There are now 7 billion humans on Earth but only three Siberian Blue Tigers. Do you bash in its skull with the tire iron? #2 – On the street where you live, there are two neighbors in particular with whom you have poor relationships, and you do your best to avoid them. One foggy morning you see a car in the driveway of one of them back out and hit a car belonging to the other, leaving a huge dent in it’s door. The car pulls back into its driveway where the driver (who you can’t make out because of the fog) looks for damage on his car, and there appears to be none. Then they back out again and drive away. You are the only witness, as near as you can tell. Do you say or do anything?
Paranormal Activity 3 – I’ve heard two complaints about this movie. First, that none of the scenes in the commercial actually appear in the film itself. That’s true, but except one part of the overall story arc that I still would like an explanation on, it doesn’t affect things one way or another. The second criticism is that this prequel is simply more of the same. Again, the complaint is generally accurate, and of the three films in the series this one would be of the least interest to someone who hasn’t seen one of the other two. But there are still enough creeps and jumps to make Paranormal Activity 3 fun, especially if you HAVE seen one or both of the prior films.
As I mentioned, while this is the 3rd film in the series, it is actually a prequel to the other two (in case you’re wondering, Paranormal Activity 2 was a prequel to Paranormal Activity, albeit an almost immediate one). Here we meet Katie and Kristi as youngsters, along with their mother Julie (Lauren Bittner) and her new live-in boyfriend Dennis (Christopher Nicholas Smith). No explanation of what happened to their father is ever given; perhaps that is something which Paranormal Activity 4 holds in store?
You’re not going to find any amazing new ground in PA3. Instead you get some of the back story alluded to in the first two films, where Katie and Kristi first meet their demonic visitor. As it happens, it’s introduced as Kristi’s imaginary friend “Toby.” Mother and boyfriend assume this is just a stage she’ll grow out of, but the audience knows better…Toby is not imaginary.
Taking place in 1988, Dennis videotapes weddings and events for a living, so he conveniently has equipment at his disposal. After he and Julie smoke a joint one night, he convinces her to let him videotape them having sex. Early in the session, a thumping noise interrupts, followed by a minor earthquake. The camera falls to its side and they run out to check on the girls. We’re left to watch dust fall from the ceiling, which settles over an invisible figure of some sort…until it moves, and the dust falls to the ground.
Dennis discovers this anomaly when watching their short make-out session in his garage “office,” and his friend and employee Randy (Dustin Ingram) convinces Dennis to set up a couple of cameras in the house to see if there is any more ghostly activity. From there the film follows the same pattern as the others: we’re treated to minor shocks which grow larger and more blatant. All of them continue to benefit from what I call the “Hitchcock effect,” as the video feed we’re watching speeds up and then slows down when we approach an upcoming surprise. Like Hitchcock’s bomb in a desk drawer, we know something is going to happen, but the characters don’t.
The one extra bonus this particular film offers is when Dennis decides he needs video coverage not just in the two bedrooms but downstairs as well. Because he only has one camera, he alters an oscillating fan and uses the base to oscillate a video camera back and forth between the living room and kitchen. This allows one more layer of suspense, because you can’t be sure on which side of the downstairs the “action” will take place.
A few questions you’re left with from the earlier films are answered here, but not all of them. And a couple new ones present themselves. Granted, none of these films are groundbreaking or amazing, but the entire series has been entertaining and fun…especially if you have Heather sitting next to you so you can try and scare her at random moments. That adds to the fun. But either way, if you saw PA or PA2, give PA3 a shot. If you haven’t, start at the beginning and watch Paranormal Activity first. That’s the best way to go.
Seen on DVD – The King’s Speech (B, excellent performances and a generally good script. No major surprises, but entertaining). The Wicker Man (B, the original with Christopher Lee, which still comes off as creepy and interesting. The music is both fun and mystical.) The Girl Who Played with Fire (B, slow but steady, like the first film. Why do I get the feeling that the American versions will be less enjoyable?). The Hills Run Red (B, the plot is pretty straightforward but I thought the execution was at the very least interesting).
An Eternal Sunshine List Challenge
Yahoo Films (part of the Yahoo online pages) has posted two lists of movies “to see before you die.” The first list was composed of mostly classic film choices, while the “modern” list was 100 films from 1990 onward. You can find their lists at: http://movies.yahoo.com/feature/100-movies-to-see-before-you-die.html and at http://movies.yahoo.com/feature/100-movies-to-see-before-you-die-modern-classics.html. Some of these choices I agree with, and some I think are completely off the mark. So I issued a challenge to each of you: Submit to me the 100 Movies to See Before You Die that would make your list. The lists could be submitted all at once, or 10 films at a time. Any comments on your choices (or future comments on the choices of other people) are encouraged. After 10 issues I plan on publishing a complete list of all films included on any list, as well as a count of how many lists each appeared on. I am offering prizes: two of the respondents who submit a full complement of 100 movies (whether all at once or 10 per issue) will be selected at random for prizes. So to win, all you have to do is play.
Next issue: The ninth set of 10 movies from each of you, and from me (more movies if you missed either of the previous rounds). Please note: These films are not meant to be placed in order by you, from top to bottom, unless you want to do that for some reason.
The Four Seasons
The Bridge Over the River Kwai
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Terminator 2: Judgment Day
The African Queen
The Bourne Identity
The Bourne Ultimatum
The Bridge on the River Kwai
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
The French Connection
Pather Panchali of The Apu Trilogy
Splendor in the Grass
Rebel Without a Cause
The Big Lebowski
Ivan the Terrible
Jesus of Montreal
North by Northwest
1. Krull – I didn’t like this film at first viewing but it has grown on me over the years.
2. Dragonslayer – Formulaic. Not a good script. Overacted. But this movie is enjoyable.
3. Dave – On of Sigourney Weaver’s best roles though it is rarely mentioned in her vitae.
4. Zulu – Michael Caine. Need I say more?
5. Guarding Tess – I don’t normally like Nicholas Cage but this is the exception.
6. Men In Black – Could you imagine how you would react in James Edwards’ shoes?
7. 12:01 – A much better version of Groundhog Day. Also much more believable from a science perspective.
8. F/X – I love how they take special effects and build the whole movie around it.
9. Platoon – THE Vietnam War movie.
10. My Girl Friday – First movie where multiple dialogue actually occurred at the same time. Also a great story.
11. Night of the Generals – Loved the book. Movie is not quite as good but still enjoyable.
12. Glory – Very well done Civil War movie. Plus they made very few historical mistakes.
13. The Dream Team – Great characters!
14. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid – Fun movie. One of Paul Newman’s best. Glad he didn’t play the part of Sundance as was the original plan.
15. The Frighteners – Michael J Fox plays the honest conman to perfection. His last leading role.
16. True Grit – The original. I have not need the remake.
17. Tootsie – Pure fun.
18. Patton – Patton was an ass but one hell of a general. Great movie.
19. A Fish Called Wanda – Complicated plot but fun.
20. Overboard – Goldie Hawn. Takes a formulaic and simple roll and makes you love her.
1. The Magus, John Fowles best book, Anthony Quinn, never on DVD
2. Bringing out the Dead – great cognitive psychology movie that’s very entertaining
3. An Affair of Love – who will speak the truth if both have to take turns
4. The Game – never quite sure what is what, good SF scenario
5. Grand Canyon – too much meaning
6. Catch 22 – Funny, the origin of the famous phrase
7. Hairdresser’s Husband – character development of a strange sort
8. Sex, Lies, and Videotape
9. The King of Hearts – cult classic, where else would one hide from the Nazis
10. Being John Malkovich
11. The Godfather – I walked out feeling like Michael Corleone
12. Downhill Racer – first movie I ever made out during
13. Bridge Over the River Kwai – first adult movie I saw with my parents, uplifting
14. Dumb & Dumber – my favorite stupid movie
15. White Men Can’t Jump – totally enjoyable, more cognitive psychology
16. What the $%)#*& Do You Know – great cognitive psychology but tedious religious documentary intrusions
17. Pay It Forward
18. PT Boat 109 – JFK in WWII, first movie (and one of the few) I wanted to see again
19. The Deer Hunter – changed minds about Vietnam
20. A Clockwork Orange – truly shocking at the time
21. Ghost – sexiest scene of all time AND Whoopi, whoopee
Lawrence of Arabia
The Maltese Falcon
The African Queen
West Side Story (with Natalie Wood back in the headlines.... brilliant performance!)
Allegro Non Troppo
The Adventures of Robin Hood with Errol Flynn
It Happened One Night
All Quiet on the Western Front
All About Eve (with the famous costume designer scene!)
A Night at the Opera
Touch of Evil
It's a Wonderful Life
Best Years of Our Lives
Treasure of Sierra Madre
Grapes of Wrath
All About Eve
North by Northwest
Ben Hur (Heston)
To Kill a Mockingbird
Paths of Glory
I am submitting 11 this time as I discovered I listed "King of Hearts" twice -- great film but not quite that great.
1) The Rules of the Game
2) The Grand Illusion
3) The Godfather -- nothing quite like it.
4) The Godfather, Part II
5) Seven Samurai
7) Winter Light
8) Fanny and Alexander
9) Pepe Le Moko
10) North by Northwest
11) Live and Let Die
Once again, I can't identify a theme to these 10 other than to say several tugged on the heart strings and the rest, just plain fun.
1. Driving Miss Daisy - I enjoyed this one very much. Growing up in southeastern Missouri, which is much more like Mississippi, Alabama or Arkansas than the midwest, I can relate, a bit, to some of what might have gone on at the time represented in the movie. Fortunately there were people who kept things moving in the right direction then, even if they didn't know they were.
2. Steel Magnolias - Another with a southern flavor and another that went for the tears to tell a good story. It's one of those movies I'll stop to watch if I find it on TV on a quiet Sunday afternoon.
3. Beverly Hills Cop - Just plain fun. And I still like the music when Axel would get into trouble. At least Eddie Murphy got to ham it up a bit and it, kind of, fit the character.
4. The Family Stone - so many of the actors in this one I liked that I checked it out without really knowing what the movie was all about. It turned out to be a good family drama with the right amount of humor tossed in. I good Sunday afternoon watch.
5. Bull Durham - baseball and humor, the two just go together.
6. Caddyshack - I still laugh at parts of this one but moan at other parts that I once thought funny.
7. Love Actually - As we enter the holiday season, a bit of silly British fun. Just to feel good.
8. Home Alone - More silly holiday fun.
9. The Sound of Music - while not a holiday movie, for some reason in our house, this movie only seems right when there is snow on the ground.
10. Legends of the Fall - Maybe a bit over the top at times but still worth watching.
Category: foreign language films. I mentioned a couple in the first two months. Here are some more:
1. The Seventh Seal - Ingmar Bergman's iconic film about life, death, and chess.
2. Rashomon - far more widely renowned than Ran, which I already mentioned. Rashomon wasn't groundbreaking solely for presenting multiple points of view of the same events, but also for using tracking for an outdoor camera to follow characters.
3. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo - brilliant movie not only for Noomi Rapace's portrayal of the punk genius Lisbeth Salander, but also for the unwraveling of a decades-old mystery. Explicit treatment of violence on women.
4. Der Himmel ueber Berlin (Wings of Desire) - Wim Wenders' film about an angel who falls in love and becomes mortal. A film that really captures the imagination of viewers.
[note to editor - umlaut u if you can make it for uber]
5. Amelie (Le fableux destin d'Amelie Poulain) - an offbeat story about a French girl living in Paris and her various interactions with many neighbors. Kind of a love story, but that label doesn't really do the film justice, since it's about so much more.
6. The Bicycle Thief - Italian classic from 1948 about a man in post-war depression Italy who needs his bicycle for work. And then it's stolen. So he must spend the day with his son trying to find it. A film that's sympathetic about human nature under the impact of poverty. Apparently the literal translation of the Italian title is "Bicycle Thieves" but it's been known under the title I give for a very long time. (Annoyed with IMDB for its revisionism.)
7. Raise the Red Lantern - a Chinese film about a young woman (played by Gong Li) forced at the age of 19 to marry a merchant lord in 1920s China. She is the fourth of his wives, and they all plot and scheme for his attention. A film with strong feminist implications, but it doesn't present them in a heavy-handed fashion. A visually beautiful film.
8. Trois Coleurs: I'm really stretching the definition of "film" here. Krzysztof Kieslowki's Trois Couleurs is a trio of films he directed to celebrate the three guiding principles of the French Revolution: Liberty, Equality, and Fraternity. The first of the three is Blue: Juliette Binoche is a woman whose husband and son were killed in an automobile crash. She lives on in a state of emotional numbness until... The second is White: a comedy (of sorts) featuring Zbigniew Zamachowski as a Pole in Paris in the midst of a nasty separation from his French wife (Julie Delpy). He sinks into a life of poverty when she freezes their bank account, and returns to his native country packed inside a suitcase. There he gets on his feet and plots revenge... The third of the three is Red: a movie set in Switzerland involving a model who runs over a dog and the judge who owned the dog. The judge has a penchant for eavesdropping that feeds his cynicism about human nature.
9. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. I have a soft spot for this film because of it's magical approach to swordfighting. It's got a melodramatic story line that I've been told is typical of Chinese heroic dramas. And the lead actors are all terrific.
10. The Umbrellas of Cherbourg - Catherine Deneuve is a young french woman who falls in love with a mechanic who is called off to war. When he stops writing she doubting the perfection of their love and is wooed by a wealthy diamond salesman. The entire thing is done to music. It's technically an operetta since there is no spoken dialogue, and yet the singing drives a recognizable plot. Features some of the most recognizable French music 'je t'aimerai pour toute ma vie' (if it takes forever I will wait for you).
And with this film I segue into the next ten - musicals! Well, half are musicals and half are films that involve cannibalism.
1. West Side Story - Leonard Bernstein wrote the music for this adaptation of Romeo and Juliet. Jets and Sharks. I once knew a girl named Maria. Bernstein makes heavy use of resolving tri-tones. Saw a nifty documentary on this when I was in England. A diminished fifth resolving into a major fifth or something like that.
2. Singing in the Rain - Gene Kelly, Donald O'Connor, and Debbie Reynolds in a musical depiction of Hollywood's transition to talkies. A lot of film within film action here. Great dancing and singing.
3. The Sound of Music - one of my favorites. Features many recognizable Rodgers and Hammerstein songs - My Favorite Things, Do Re Mi, A Problem Like Maria. Captain von Trapp is a veteran of the Austrian Navy (Austria has a navy? Of course, in Trieste!) Julie Andrews shines. And the hills are alive. According to boxofficemojo.com, this film rates #3 all time in terms of adjusted box office (scaled for inflation) after Gone With the Wind and Star Wars.
4. Grease - is the word. This film was so popular in the late 70s it was literally in theaters for years. Made oodles of money. Even more than Saturday Night Fever, this film established John Travolta as a mega-star. (A status he pissed away quickly with a series of mediocre films like 'Stayin Alive'.)
5. The Blues Brothers. Everybody knows this film, right?
"It's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark... and we're wearing sunglasses."
A must see for Aretha Franklin alone. Then there is Ray Charles, Cab Calloway, "Rawhide"...and the most ludicrous car chase in movie history. At one point a car jumps off a bridge and then is suddenly plummeting from about 1000 feet of altitude.
…and now for...films involving cannibalism! I've already included The Silence of the Lambs (and its sequel, Hannibal, just isn't good enough to make the cut, nor is the dreadful prequel Hannibal Rising). I'm tempted to include Soylent Green but I've never seen it. So we have
1. Eating Raoul. A lot budget film about a couple running a struggling restaurant who discover a new way to feed their customers when they kill a man who attempting to molest the woman of the pair. Not a great film by any stretch of imagination. But it's on my list and Citizen Kane isn't, so :P
2. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. An underrated cult classic horror film from the early 70s. Leatherface! I needn't say more.
3. Ravenous. An under-appreciated Guy Pearce film of the past decade. It starts off feeling like it's going to be a relatively serious treatment of a Donner Party -type story in the Rockies. But it takes a strange twist when it becomes apparent that feeding on human flesh provides the eater with superhuman strength and powers.
4. The Cook, the Thief, His Wife, and Her Lover. This is actually a very good film. Highly respected. Richard Bohringer is the cook, a french chief working for Michael Gambon, the thief. Helen Mirren is his wife and, well, Alan Howard is her lover. They have a torrid affair in the restaurant under the nose of the thief, with the help of the cook. But the thief finds out eventually, and hell breaks lose.
5. to combine these two half-categories, we have the Rocky Horror Picture Show. I'm not going to bother to describe the plot. But this is a film that needs to be on a list of must-see films. In its status as the ultimate cult audience participation film, Rocky Horror is without peer. It's a must-see film, but really, it's a must-participate film. It's important to see it at a venue with an active audience with people in drag, doing the Time Warp, squirting water pistols, etc.
OK, that's it for now. When I started this email, it was hours before the 23 tunes deadline. But it literally took me about 6 hours to write this thing. That's why I put off the movie list so much - it demands a lot of effort! (Picking only 10 foreign language films was the hard part. Picking 5 musicals was a bit easier since there are a ton of musicals I've never seen, including all of the other Rodgers & Hammerstein films. Oklahoma? South Pacific? The King and I? Never seen 'em. Probably I could have had 10 musicals and skipped the whole cannibalism thing. But where's the fun of that??
The Lion King
The Triumph of the Will (Leni Reifenstal)
The Big Lebowski ('what me ,Dude?')
Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (Brando & Niven) [yes, the Caine, Martin remake is more slapstick and probably
funnier but the original is still a gem]
The Third Man (a haunting murder mystery set in Vienna, early post WW2)
Sound of Music
Titus Andronicus (Anthony Hopkins)
Richard III (Sir Ian McKellan)[just two of the several recent film versions of various Shakespearean plays - all of them highly recommended to see for the new 'visual/historical treatments' these current film versions have
Silence of the Lambs
It’s a Wonderful Life
Monty Python & the Holy Grail
The Hunt for Red October
Kiss of the Spiderwoman (a film that surprises).
I must say, it’s going to be tough to find the final 30 even with looking at others choices (which do jog ones memory) - I will have to look back to the earliest decades for more great films which are not now so well
23 Tunes Game
Here are the rules for 23 TUNES. You send me three tunes for the first turn, and then two tunes in each of the last ten turns for a total of 23. If you missed the first turn, you can still catch up by sending five tunes next issue, and guess on submitters to this issue. Actually, you can send all 23 tunes at once if you want to, but then you’ll need to remember to guess everyone else’s each month. I am also submitting my tunes. After we're done, I'd like to exchange CD's/Tapes for as many of the tunes players as possible, but this is not required. I'll be sending the winner my 23 Tune list. The winner is determined by having you guess each issue who submitted what list (I will tell you who the submitters are). For each song you get right (except those you submitted yourself), you get a point, you also can win bonus points from me for really cool tune selections. That's it, not complicated. I hope by starting this up, we'll get more to join. So, put simply…you send in the name and artist of songs you really like or have special meaning to you. I print 3 of them the first turn, and 2 year turn after that (you can submit that way, or send in all 23 at once, or anything in between). Each issue I list the songs for that turn, without revealing who submitted which song. I also print a list of who submitted songs (again, without telling you which songs they sent in). Your mission is to match the people with the songs (but no points for your own). Simple. And I’ll offer other prizes as well, to be determined later. If you miss a turn, make it up my sending enough songs to catch up with the other players (and the overdue songs will simply be revealed immediately).
23 Tunes - Round Nine
1. 1999 – Prince. Paraic Reddington.
2. 99 Luftballoons – Nena Paraic Reddington.
3. All Over the World - Francoise Hardy. Richard Walkerdine “Oh god she was lovely and with a voice that would melt ice.”
4. Atmosphere - Joy Division. Martin Burgdorf.
5. Babooshka - Kate Bush. Rick Desper.
6. Born to Be Wild – Steppenwolf. Dave McCrumb. Correct: RWe, PR, MF.
7. Coat of Many Colors - Dolly Parton. Andy York.
8. Crockett's Theme - Jan Hammer. Andy Lischett. Correct: MB.
9. Crystal Ship - The Doors. Heather Taylor. Correct: PR.
10. Good Times, Bad Times - Led Zeppelin. Mark Firth.
11. I Only Want to Be With You - Dusty Springfield. Richard Walkerdine “Her first solo song and what a voice - but she never had any confidence that she could sing. Also, that beehive hairdo of hers was actually three different wigs which she called Lulu Sandie and Cilla out of respect to her fellow UK pop girls.” Correct: AL.
12. It's a Sin - Pet Shop Boys. Hank Alme. Correct: MF.
13. It's All Over – Nektar. Jim Burgess.
14. Jolene - Dolly Parton. Andy York. Correct: GK.
15. La Grange - ZZ Top. Hank Alme. Andy Lischett “I bought a ZZ Top CD at a garage sale and it is loud fun. My favorite, though, is Sharp Dressed Man.” Correct: AL.
16. Need You Now - Lady Antebellum. Amber Smith. Correct: RW.
17. Legend of a Mind - Moody Blues. Mark Firth. Andy Lischett “I hate the Moody Blues.”
18. People Are Strange - The Doors. Heather Taylor. Correct: JB.
19. Pink Panther Theme – Mancini. Andy Lischett. Correct: JB.
20. Bad Day – REM. Amber Smith. Correct: RW, MB.
21. Science Friction – XTC. Martin Burgdorf. Correct: AL.
22. Shock the Monkey - Peter Gabriel. Jim Burgess.
23. Skating Away - Jethro Tull. Douglas Kent.
24. Take it Easy - The Eagles. David McCrumb. Correct: GK.
25. There are 9 Million Bicycles in Bejing - Katie Mehlua. Geoff Kemp.
26. Thick as a Brick - Jethro Tul. Rick Desper. Correct: RWe.
27. Tupelo Honey - Van Morrison. Douglas Kent.
28. White Flag – Dido. Geoff Kemp.
Scores This Round – Andy Lischett [AL] – 3; Paraic Reddington [PR] – 2; Richard Weiss [RWe] – 2; Martin Burgdorf [MB] – 2; Mark Firth [MF] – 2; Jim Burgess [JB] – 2; Richard Walkerdine [RW] – 2.
Total Scores (of those who submitted at least some guesses in any round): Andy Lischett [AL] – 38; Martin Burgdorf [MB] – 30; Paraic Reddington [PR] – 26; Geoff Kemp [GK] – 21; Richard Walkerdine [RW] – 20; Jim Burgess [JB] – 19; Phil Murphy [PM] – 10; Mark Firth [MF] – 9; Brendan Whyte [BW] – 7; Melinda Holley [MH] – 6; Hank Alme [HA] – 6; Kevin Tighe [KT] – 6; Chris Babcock [CB] – 5; Marc Ellinger [ME] – 4; Richard Weiss [RWe] – 2; Amber Smith [AS] – 1.
23 Tunes - Round Ten
Submitting songs this issue are: Andy Lischett, Andy York, David McCrumb, Douglas Kent, Geoff Kemp, Heather Taylor, Rick Desper, Martin Burgdorf, Richard Weiss, Richard Walkerdine, Paraic Reddington, Jim Burgess, Mark Firth, Hank Alme.
1. Baby It's You - Smith
2. Beating of Walls - XTC
3. Beautiful Day - U2
4. Bubbly - Colby Caillat
5. Don’t Push me – Hedgehoppers Anonymous
6. Don't Stop Believing - Journey
7. Folsom Prison Blues – Johnny Cash
8. For My Lady - The Moody Blues
9. Government Walls - James
10. High - James Blundt
11. I Ain't Living Long Like This - Emmylou Harris
12. Jump With Me - Big Bad Voodoo Daddy
13. Left My Heart in San Francisco - Chrome
14. Little Sparrow - Dolly Parton
15. Love Me Do - The Beatles
16. Lovely Day - Bill Withers
17. New World Symphony (No. 9 in E Minor) - Antonin Dvorak
18. Praise You - Fatboy Slim
19. Rough Boys - Pete Townsend
20. Shake it Out - Florence and the Machine
21. Teddy Bear - The Residents
22. The Knife - Genesis
23. Touch of Grey - The Grateful Dead
24. When I'm Dead and Gone - McGuinness Flint
25. White Rabbit - Jefferson Airplane
26. Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad? - Moby
27. Wise After the Event - Anthony Phillips
28. You Better you Bet - The Who
Deadline for the final round of 23 Tunes is December 26th at 7pm my time.
That’s the day BEFORE the regular zine deadline.
The Eternal Sunshine
Just a quick update: Allison Kent grabbed a point for Andy Rooney. Paraic Reddington also picked one up for Steve Jobs. So now the following people have one point: Allison Kent, Jim Burgess, me, Richard Walkerdine, Paraic Reddington, Dane Maslen, and Martin Burgdorf. As far as I know, nobody else has a correct choice yet. Remember, if someone on your list expires, drop me a note in case I haven't heard about it! Here’s a copy of the current table:
Dane Maslen: This issue I'll make up for not submitting another 10 film titles by mentioning a few that I've watched recently and eliminated from the running:
* Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid : I'm fairly sure this is a film that I enjoyed greatly when I first saw it, but this time (third time?), it was merely ok, nothing special.
* M*A*S*H : I think this suffers when my memory compares it against the TV spin-off.
* National Lampoon's Animal House : this is another film I seem to recall enjoying greatly when I first saw it. This time I thought it was childish drivel. I'd worry that I was becoming a boring old fart if it weren't for the fact that I'd already become that by the time I'd left school.
* The Hunt for Red October : at the third viewing this was still a good, watchable film but not, alas, good enough to include on the list.
* The Lady Killers : pleasant, but not very special.
* Vertigo : I vaguely recalled having seen this before. Although I couldn't remember what I thought of it, I thought it might be worth watching again as it was a Hitchcock film. sadly I found it rather boring.
Meanwhile the following are currently sat waiting on my PVR to be (re-)watched and their suitability evaluated: "Aliens", "Dirty Harry", "Fistful of Dollars", "Once Upon a Time in the West", "Star Trek: First Contact", "The Sting" and "Tootsie". I'm hopeful that at least a couple of them will pass with flying colours. Meanwhile there are about another 20 films I have on my list of possibles that I am hoping will happen to crop up on TV within the next couple of months.
Andy Lischett: [[I enjoy printing some of the details people provide when trying to figure out the movie quizzes. Here’s what Andy wrote to show his own though process this time around]] 1. Robert Duvall as a German soldier? Beats me.
2. Poltergeist. I could remember the movie, but it took me eight hours to dredge the name from my feeble mind. "It's one word. A long word. What the heck is it?" I said to myself. Also, it was hard not to cheat by simply saying (out loud) "Carol, what's that movie where the little girl stares at the television and says, 'They're here'?" After all, I knew that I knew, so it wouldn't actually be cheating, right? But I didn't cheat, I just suffered for half a day.
3. The Great Escape, although Steve McQueen looks bald and I don't remember white pants. Probably with the olive green motorcycle the cinematographer wanted contrast.
4. Fantastic Voyage or Journey? Voyage, I think.
5. Don't know, but I'm guessing Halloween for reasons explained below.
6. Don't know. The actor looks European. He's smoking and leaning on a painting or maybe a map of Africa. Black & white film and his suit suggest the 40's or early 50's. Smug bastard. Something by Orson Welles? Or a Hitchcock espionage movie? Not in Africa. Wild guess: The Third Man.
7. Was Steve Martin a dentist in the remake of Little Shop of Horrors? Maybe.
8. Oh God is the only Bob Denver movie I can come up with. Make that John Denver.
9. It looks like Mr. Bean, but was that the name of the movie?
10. As with Poltergeist, this took a while. At first I had no clue. An office full of graffiti with someone looking at a copy machine? Blank. Could that cleavage behind the copier be Adrienne Barbeau? Nah, don't be stupid. Then I realized that the copy machine is a car... a Fiat or something Russian. Still blank. Then - again half a day later when I should have been doing something worthwhile - it dawned on me: Adrienne Barbeau, a dirty alley. Hmmm. I went back to the 'zine and, YES, that IS Kurt Russell and that IS Escape from New York.
As for a common denominator I first thought that these movies might all be on someone's Top 100 list, but I couldn't go back to look because that would be research. Cheating.
Then later, while half asleep with a cold I realized that Donald Pleasance was in The Great Escape, Fantastic Voyage and Escape from New York, and he has been a German soldier somewhere... with Clint Eastwood? Kelly's Heroes? Kelly's Gold? Perhaps Donald Pleasance is the common denominator. If so, he's not helping with #s 5, 6, 8 or 9.
Okay, on the theory that these are all movies with Donald Pleasance, I'm going with Halloween for #5. There's a dead body and I can't think of any more. And they are Donald Pleasance movies.
Dave McCrumb: How stupid are today’s script writers? I can tolerate some suspension of reality but not complete abandonment. I normally enjoy the new Hawaii 5-0 but the episode last night had me gasping. They had a group of Hawaiian cops go on a commando mission into North Korea. And SEAL Team 9, while on leave, went with them as backup. They flew in using a 35+ year old helicopter and not only were they not shot down by the South Korean, US or North Koreans they weren’t even challenged verbally or by aircraft. Also, when they landed there were no North Korean troops swarming to the area. Then someone that had never touched an RPG not only successfully fired it in the right direction but took out a concrete bridge. That was one hell of a weak bridge, even for North Korea. And of course all of this took place during daylight. I was so flabbergasted I had to keep watching to see what was screwed up next!
Sharyn prohibits me from watching CSI: NY because I rant and rave about the science so much she can’t hear anything. Same with CSI: Miami though sometimes she will let me watch it because I hate David Caruso so much as an actor. I am constantly rooting for the bad guys to finish him off. The science here is not so bad as in CSI: NY but close.
Interestingly enough, I was at a corporate EHS meeting last week and we were talking about this at dinner. One of our businesses makes lab equipment. Their representative told me when the original CSI started they bought a complete real forensic lab and had technicians come in to show them how it worked. The spinoffs only used mockups. This helps to explain why the science in the original is much closer to reality (except for the time frame required to run tests) than the others. But that I can live with as it is needed during a 1 hour show.
[[I go nuts when I see this kind of stupid science on TV. The other day flipping by an NCIS rerun they jumped back and forth (with no warrant) on a computer between tapes of people arriving at customs, credit records, a rental company database, and was able to “match” the seam of a jacket in one video to crime scene footage in about three seconds. My cure for this is to watch The First 48 on A&E, where the detectives beat the street, knock on doors, and often have nothing until they get a few tips on the phone.]]
More Andy Lischett: These are not submissions for 23 Tunes, but I was just thinking of my LEAST favorite songs: Feelings by ?, MacArthur Park by Richard Harris, and Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head by B.J. Thomas. Yuck, yuck and yuck.
[[Feelings…the default song sung by any star in any 70’s TV show where they had to pretend to be some sort of singer, from The Bionic Woman to Charlie’s Angels.]]
Rick Desper: You know, my baseball picks looked a lot better at the beginning of September, when the Sox were in 1st, the Yankees in 2nd, and the Braves had the NL Wildcard.
[[Mine looked better before the season started.]]
Jim Burgess: Richard's note on Kirsty made me cry just a bit. Thinking of her always does, I don't know why she seems so much more tragic than anyone else. I once wrote: " Kirsty MacColl: "A New England". On What Do Pretty Girls Do there are two versions of this song, one with Billy Bragg and one solo. This is the one where she sings about how old she is, or was. Billy sings one verse on the one where they do the duet. Kirsty had a greater more unique voice than she ever knew. She didn't want to change the world, but she did." Rip Gooch and I often revisit our mutual crushes on her and all other things about singing and music (since we are both singers). I think often of her two sons and hope they (who are now young adults) are doing as well as they can be expected to be doing. Seeing The Descendents this week also had me think of the Kirsty MacColl case, for somewhat obvious reasons. One of the great song titles of all time is: ``There's a Guy Works Down the Chip Shop Swears He's Elvis''
[[As noted in my Playlist, I’ve been listening to a lot of her this month.]]
Kevin Wilson: [[Another detail of Movie Photo guesses]] Finally, a movie related game where I might have a chance. I think I recognize most of these.
1. No clue. It’s obviously a WWII movie but I can’t tell who the actor is so I don’t have a legitimate guess. But, to have a shot any guess will do so: The Dirty Dozen.
2. I think this one was called Firestarter. About all I can remember is the little girl with her hair swirling about her and that is what this one looks like.
3. The Great Escape. One I’m fairly confident of.
4. Fantastic Voyage. Another I’m quite sure of. In fact, I’ve been taking classic/cult classic sci fi movies for my Netflix queue to review and this one is only 3 or 4 away on my list.
5. No clue. I can’t tell if the person is holding something or where he is. If I could figure out what all of these have in common maybe I could make a better guess but I can’t so no guess.
6. That looks a little like Dustin Hoffman and the hand with the cigarette makes me think of Mrs Robinson so I’ll guess The Graduate.
7. I recognize Steve Martin. The only movie I can think of where he played a dentist was Little Shop of Horrors. And, it appears he might be singing so I’ll go with that.
8. Oh God. Those were the only movies I can think of with John Denver in them.
9. I’m sure that comes from a James Bond movie as I remember Sean Connery with the wig and the gi (sp?). I’m not 100% sure which one of his Bond movies it was but I think it was You Only Live Twice. Most of the others he was in I can think of the storyline and they don’t fit.
10. Escape From NY. An easy one to recognize.
As I said above I really don’t have a clue what they have in common despite feeling pretty good about 6 of my guesses. Maybe all of their theme songs won Oscars for music. I haven’t a clue.
The Twisting Tale
This is a rotating story, with a different author every issue, and a chapter of 500 words. If you’d like to participate, please email me and let me know, and I’ll let you know when your turn comes up. We need more particpants! Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org if you’d like to participate!
WE NEED MORE PARTICIPANTS! ONLY MEANS YOU DO AN ENTRY EVERY 3 OR 4 MONTHS!
Chapter 9 by Paraic Reddington
The sun slowly rose over the silky sad city streets, gradually revealing the night's detritus. The breeze blew in a distant dog howling at the morning.
The alleyway was already in full sun and sultry steam seeped from the street sewer but the man was hidden under the shade of a baker’s awning.
His face briefly flared beneath his trilby as he sucked softly on a cigarette. The baker approached, fumbling for his key, absent-mindedly yawning.
The man flicked his butt into the street and dipped his trilby as he reached into his pocket for the steel syringe. Another day of death was dawning.
“Fuck it, go on. It beats workin’.”
As the older of the two men reset the board, the other lit a cigar, blew out the match and then used it to scratch inside his ear.
“Pawn to E4”
“How’s your sister?”
“Fucked. Been on the donor list for nearly two years now.”
“Knight to C6”
“Shit that’s a shame. You’d think in this day and age they could make artificial organs.”
“Right. Bishop to B5.”
“Instead of wasting money on space tourism and those damned internets.”
“Damn straight. Pawn to D5.”
“You know what I heard?”
“During a liver transplant, they hook you up to a pig! Can you believe that shit?”
“You’re making that up. Bishop takes C6 check.”
“Nah uh, for real. The pig’s liver does all the work while yours is being replaced.”
“Damn. Where’d you hear that?”
“Pawn takes C6.”
“It was on the interweb I think.”
The old man paused and then leaned over before releasing a resounding and satisfying fart.
“You know what I need?”
“Just a little one.”
“You should be able to carry a little pig around with you and hook up his liver when you go for a drink. That way, you get drunk and the piggy gets the hangover. It’s perfect.”
“You’re out of your damned mind you old fool!”
“Maybe. It certainly feels that way sometimes.”
“Did you see they found that Palmer girl?”
“Cryin’ shame that.”
“I’m done playin’. You wanna get a taco?”
“Fuck it, let’s go.”
“The liver is missing”.
“Very strange. Any idea what the cause of death was?”
“Not yet. There’s some blunt head trauma but it doesn’t look like it was fatal. You’ll have to wait for the toxicology report.”
“A day or two I should imagine.”
“That’s too long.”
“It’s a holiday weekend.”
“Something tells me our man doesn’t take days off.”
What perilous surprises await our hero next? Will the identity of the real killer be revealed? Are the stolen artifacts really cursed? Can the sheriff untie his beloved sweetheart before the train arrives? Does anybody even read this inane nonsense anymore? Stay tuned for the next installment of the Twisting Tale where all this and much more will be answered!!
Next up – Amber Smith
(That’s right, despite some misgivings on my part, I finally gave in to Amber’s incessant demands and am allowing her to write a chapter)
Want to join in? Email me! We need more writers!!!
A game of survival, bad breath, and fish odor…
This is the simple game of Lifeboat. Everyone plays this, whether you participate or not. Each turn everyone still alive in the lifeboat may make a single vote to throw someone off the lifeboat, or a single vote to remove one vote from yourself (a defensive measure). The high vote getter is thrown overboard, as well as any player getting 2 or more net votes (due to the damage caused when Sanka was tossed overboard). In a tie, everyone with that score is thrown over. Last one in the boat wins. I’ll probably give a prize, as usual. Press is encouraged. Note that the votes themselves are NOT revealed. I just simply announce who is thrown overboard. If you’re not listed as in the lifeboat right now but want to be, email me and I will add you next issue. If you are listed and don’t’ want to be…well, too bad. There is no suicide in this game; you just can ignore it if you want to.
Currently in the lifeboat:
Robin ap Cynan
In a scene reminiscent of Kon-Tiki, a huge beast becomes visible under the raft. Larry Cronin rushes to the edge and peers over. “Don’t worry,” he assures the rest of the passengers. “This is a shark, true, but it is a whale shark. They’re peaceful, and quite beautiful.” Dane Maslen, Don Williams, and Michael Quirk rush to the edge to see this huge but magical creature. Unfortunately the sudden movement on the raft causes it to tip, and all four fall into the water. As the whale shark turns away from the four soaking, terrified victims, its tail swipes the boat, sending Kayza the Dog up in the air, landing safely on the whale shark’s back. Kayza wags her tail as her ride makes its way in the direction of land, ignoring the screams as Don, Larry, Dane, and Michael are violently reminded what OTHER types of sharks infest these waters. The empty space in the raft reveals a prone figure, apparently unconscious until now. Richard Weiss sits up, and the others fill him in on where they are and the fate that seems to await them all.
Thrown Into the Shark Infested Waters: Douglas Kent, Jack McHugh, Richard Walkerdine, Chris Babcock, Paraic Reddington, Sanka the Cat, Andy York, Toby the Helpful Kitty, Phil Murphy, Fred Wiedemeyer, Don Williams, Kayza the Dog, Michael Quirk, Dane Maslen, Larry Cronin.
Anonymous: There really are too many Davids in this lifeboat. I'm sure they're all fine, upstanding gentlemen, but it's very confusing having so many of them. As I have nothing in particular against any of them, I think it's only fair to suggest that we should try throwing all three overboard. So pick one at random and hope that someone else gives you a helping hand.
Andy Lischett: I vote to toss Dane Maslen for dissing Margaret Thatcher in the Dead Pool. You can put this in the press and maybe inspire people to toss me. Another incentive: I can't swim. If I had another vote it would be Chewy Cronin for having a low ESI and a weird name. In the world of consistency, Michael, Larry and Chuy are on a different planet.
Newbie to Scoobie: Ha-Ha, it’s dry over here!
Five handed economist: Ooops. I'll have to work harder to keep up with that six-handed guy.
Seven handed economist: I only work as hard as Jim-Bob: I only pass notes with my seventh hand.
The Good Wife to Lance Anderson: I ain’t takin’ your lance no more.
Anonymous: Good, now let's go after the "G's".
Davidson Alum to Harley: Better have your leathers on, you’re about to dump it in the pond.
Patcher and Pailer to Life Boat Mates: Please, Please, look under Molten Moulton, he’s melting through the life boat. He must be the next one thrown in.
(ANONYMEECES to Sanka and Toby): Eat me, eat me, eat me!!!
(ANONYMOUS to KAYZA): I like cats better than dogs, but animals more than humans, with the cats down for the count, I can still root for you!!!
(ANONYMOUS to DUCK): No, you don't count in EITHER category!
Deadline for your vote and any press is December 27th at 7:00am my time
Eternal Sunshine Index – ESI
A Scientific Measure of Zine Health
Current Index: 49.96 -0.28%
The Eternal Sunshine Index is a stock-market-like index of the zine. You don’t do anything in this game, except write press or commentary on price movements (or why you think your stock should have gone up or down). I move the prices beginning with next issue based on my own private formula of quantity and quality zine participation (NMR’s, press, columns, etc.). Any new zine participants become new issues valued at at 50, but the stock for anyone who disappears will remain listed. The average of all listed stocks will result in the ESI closing value each month, which will be charted issue to issue after we have a few months’ worth of data. If you don’t like the stock symbol I have assigned you, you may petition the exchange to change it. Blame Phil Murphy for suggesting this section to me.
Market Commentary: The values of former zine participants, along with the temporary loss of Phil Murphy, puts enough pressure on the index to give it a very slight negative for the month. But with Kendo and other new activities, I think the trend may be upward soon. Richard Weiss has his IPO added to the ticker list.
AJK - Allison Kent
ALM - Hank Alme
AMB - Amber Smith
AND - Lance Anderson
BAB - Chris Babcock
BIE - John Biehl
BRG - Martin Burgdorf
BWD - Brad Wilson
CAK - Andy Lischett
CAL - Cal White
CHC - Chuy Cronin
CIA - Tom Swider
CKW - Kevin Wilson
CKY - Carol Kay
DAN - Dane Maslen
DBG - David Burgess
DTC - Brendan Whyte
DUK - Don Williams
FRD - Fred Wiedemeyer
FRG - Jeremie Lefrancois
FRT - Mark Firth
GRA - Graham Wilson
HDT - Heather Taylor
HLJ - Harley Jordan
HPL - Hugh Polley
JOD - Jeff O'Donnell
KMP - Geoff Kemp
KVT - Kevin Tighe
LAT - David Latimer
LCR - Larry Cronin
MRK - Mark Nelson
MCC - David McCrumb
MCR - Michael Cronin
MIM - Michael Moulton
MRC - Marc Ellinger
OTS - Tom Howell
PER - Per Westling
PJM - Phil Murphy
QUI - Michael Quirk
RAC - Robin ap Cynan
RDP - Rick Desper
REB - Melinda Holley
RED - Paraic Reddington
RWE - Richard Weiss
SAK - Jack McHugh
TAP - Jim Burgess
VOG - Pat Vogelsang
WAY - W. Andrew York
WLK - Richard Walkerdine
WWW - William Wood
YLP - Paul Milewski
Brain Farts: The Only Subsubzine With It’s Own Fragrance
By Jack “Flapjack” McHugh – email@example.com
(or just email Doug and he’ll send it to me)
Having no job and no income again gives me more time to watch TV and read (thanks to the library). It also gives me more time to loathe all you bastards. Tom Swider came by to wargame but other than that none of you have offered me any support or help or ideas or feedback or anything else. Stuff it. I hope my column pisses you off and makes the veins in your forehead throb.
Things I’ve enjoyed watching on TV: Dexter Season 4, Sopranos Season 1, Boss Season 1, Borgias Season 1
Books I’ve read or am currently reading: Cutting the Stone, The Old Man and the Waste Land, The Safe Haven Series, In the Court of the Red Tsar, With Hitler to the End, Memoirs of Ulysses S. Grant, Sister Carrie
Ed came home
drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep
slumber. He awoke before the Pearly
Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep,
Ed was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!' St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.'
Ed was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home.
The next thing
he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking and pecking the ground..
A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?'
'Not bad,' replied Ed the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!'
'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?'
'Never,' said Ed.
'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.'
He did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! He was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming..
As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard....."Ed, wake up! You shit the bed!"
Getting OLD just ain't what they said it would be!
When in the course of human events . . .
WE THE PEOPLE
Brought to you by the people who bring you HUMBOLDT. Yes, I, we, you, me are all people. And this is a response to the Queen of England’s message to the good old U. S. of A. as relayed by Richard Walkerdine way back in ES 55. No need to go back to reread it as I will answer her points with complete sentences, besides it’s as worthless as the virtual paper it’s not printed on (oh, snap!). It has taken me this long to reply because, well, on my first attempt, after taking out all the swear words I was left with a sentence and a half. Next try was all done in bold 72 font size. Finally I’ve got my “mind right” so to speak and will answer calmly. And remember, in America, I’m considered a liberal.
1. I reject your premise of revocation of our liberty. Your citing of the Oxford English Dictionary is worthless. You cannot revoke a treaty. You remember the Treaty of Paris? By signing it you acknowledged that a bunch of farmers armed with squirrel guns and lead by a general who couldn’t even win half his battles defeated your Empire. (Geez, no wonder Gandhi thought he could take you on.) Later in 1812, you thought you could defeat us by burning the capitol building. That only works in Europe (oh, you have taken Paris, we give up to _______ (insert country’s name here)). America is not a building or a city! You remember the Treaty of Ghent? Remember losing all those battles while it was being negotiated? You lost 2/3 of your men to disease during that war. Wimps.
2. You really enjoy navel gazing, Queenie. Put “u” back into words, excuse me “wourds” is pointless as the world is twittering away with “I C U 4ever”. English is an evolving language – time to get on the bus.
3. I don’t understand how you can play football without stopping after every play to discuss what the best play to run now is. No wonder your typical scores are 2-1. Last week, the Packers beat the Lions 27-15. Now that’s a score! And what the hell is a “United”? You’re already a team.
4. You don’t want Americans playing cricket. Have you seen what we’ve done to tennis? In the U.S. Open the players wear anything they want and the crowd treats it like a soccer game. I can guarantee that within 4 years of American participation we’ll have it down to a 4 hour game (not a “test”). And that includes the half hour beer break.
5. Yes, American beer is weak, but how else are we going to pound down a case in a weekend. Oh, and if you are all about the metric system, why do you drink pints? Practice what you preach.
6. Tea? Tea? What the fuck?! Excuse me, I mean, burke!
7. Oswald was the lone gunman who killed JFK. Deal with it.
8. The only time people speak of Great Britain is when they are referring to the ISLAND. Australia, Canada, and about a third of the Commonwealth still seem to like your royalness. Be happy with that.
9. Agreed, American actors will stop attempting British accents, but only as long as British actors stop trying to be Americans, with the exception of both Kates and Keira. We need to work, too.
10. Please stop making TV shows with ancient actors (Vicar of Darby, Last of Summer Wine, Are You Being Served, etc…). Torchwood, Misfits, and the new cast of Dr. Who is a step in the right direction. Though I’ve heard they are going to kill off Amy Pond? W the bloody F!! She is easily the cutest person on TV in the world. Is it because she’s Scottish?
11. Finally, your Queenship, if you had stepped down after Charles got married, he would have risen to the occasion and been a good King. He would still be married and Diana would still be alive. How do you ever look into a mirror?
12. Long live the 4th of July, our Independence Day.
Live Free or Die.
THE FURNITURE BUSINESS
by Richard Walkerdine
A furniture dealer from Knoxville, Tennessee decided that he wanted to expand the lines of furniture in his store and thought that some European furniture might prove popular. So he took a flight to Paris to see what he could find. After arriving in Paris (this being his first trip to the French capital) he met with some local manufacturers and finally selected a line that he thought would sell well back in Tennessee.
To celebrate his new acquisitions he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine. As he sat enjoying the wine he noticed that the small place was very crowded and the one other chair at his table was in fact the only vacant seat in the place.
Before long a very attractive young Parisian woman entered and came to his table, asking him something in French (which he did not understand) and pointed to the spare chair. He invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her in English but she did not speak the language so, after a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a glass of wine on it which he showed her. She smiled and nodded and he ordered a glass of wine for her.
After sitting together at the table for a while he took another napkin and drew a picture of a plate of food. She smiled and nodded again.
They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music. They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She smiled and nodded again and they enjoyed several dances together.
When they returned to their table the young woman took a napkin and drew a picture of a four poster bed.
And to this day the guy can’t work out how she knew he was in the furniture business!
by Richard Walkerdine
A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound he felt grass under his feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. “Wow, this is great,” he thought. It wasn’t long until he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it, he saw a wonderful sight – lots of other rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass.
“Hey,” he called, “I’m a rabbit from the laboratory and I’ve just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?”
“Yes, come and join us,” they cried. He hopped over to them and started eating the grass. It tasted so good.
“What else do you wild rabbits do?” he asked.
“Well,” one of them replied, “you see that field over there? It’s got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them.” This he couldn’t resist and he spent the next hour eating really succulent carrots. They were wonderful and when he was full he asked them, “So what else do you guys do?”
One of the other wild rabbits came a bit closer and spoke more quietly. “There’s one other thing you must try. You see those rabbits at the far end of the field? They are girl rabbits and they just love to have sex with us. Go and try it.”
He bounded off to the girl rabbits and spent the rest of the morning having the time of his life and then eventually staggered back to his new friends, completely exhausted. “That was fantastic,” he panted.
“So, are you going to live with us then?” one of them asked.
“I’m sorry,” he replied, “I had a great time but I can’t.”
The wild rabbits all stared at him, a bit surprised. “But why not, I thought you liked it here?”
“Oh I do,” he replied, “but I must get back to the laboratory. After all that sex I’m just dying for a cigarette.”
THE TIMBER MILL
by Richard Walkerdine
Paddy and Mick are two Irish guys who work at a timber mill. One day Mick slips and falls against one of the big saws they use and his arm is cut off. Paddy quickly puts the severed arm in a plastic bag and takes it and Mick to the local hospital.
The next day he goes back to the hospital to find out what has happened.
“Oh he’s fine,” says the hospital receptionist. “The surgeons sewed the arm back on and he’s now in rehab doing some arm strengthening exercises.”
Mick returns to work after a week or so but some time later he slips again, against the same saw, and one of his legs is cut off. Paddy puts the leg in a plastic bag and takes it and Mick back to the hospital.
The next day he visits again and the receptionist says, “He’s okay, they sewed the leg back on and he is now in rehab on the treadmill to strengthen the leg muscles.”
Mick returns to work but after a few weeks he slips against the saw again and this time his head is cut off. Paddy puts the head in a plastic bag and takes it and Mick back to the hospital.
He returns the next day and the receptionist says, “I’m sorry but your friend is dead.”
Paddy sighs. “So I guess that saw finally got him?”
“Oh no,” replies the receptionist, “some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated.”
HEARTTHROBS PART 8
by Richard and Claire Walkerdine
Back to normal this month (and it will remain so as I really can’t do any more tragedies). So for me it’s time to get back to big hair (oh yes, I do so like it) and then we’ll have one from Claire. So I will begin with the delectable Bonnie Tyler.
Born in Wales in 1951 with a real name of Gaynor Hopkins (and I can understand why she took a different stage name). In the early 1970s she performed in various pubs and clubs across Wales until in 1976 she got a recording contract which resulted in ‘Lost In France’ becoming a top 10 hit.
But in 1977 she was diagnosed as having nodules on her vocal cords. They were so severe that surgery was required and she was told not to speak for six weeks to aid the healing process. But one day she was so frustrated that she screamed, resulting in her voice deepening and taking on a much more raspy quality. She believed her singing career was over but in fact it was quite the opposite as pop fans just adored the change of voice. ‘It’s A Heartache’ reached number 4 in the UK and number 3 in the USA, ‘Holding Out For A Hero’ and ‘Total Eclipse Of The Heart’ were also major hits and many more singles and albums were to follow.
She is still singing to this day, and still sounding as though her throat is full of gravel, but sadly the big hair has gone. But it was so nice while it lasted.
And now we come to the biggest hair EVER, Marsha Hunt.
Born in Philadelphia in 1946 she moved to the UK twenty years later. She sang with a few British bands over the next year or two and then in 1968 got a minor role on the London stage in the rock musical ‘Hair’. Although it was a minor role the silhouette of her spectacular hair was featured on the advertising posters and attracted a lot of media attention. Claire and I actually went to see ‘Hair’ some years later but by then Marsha had moved on.
I did see her perform live once though, when I camped in a field for three days at the Isle of Wight pop festival in 1969 (when Bob Dylan was the big star, arriving by helicopter as the final act on the last day – typical Dylan but well worth it. It was the first of about six times I have seen him live. Sandie Shaw performed as well – the only time I saw her live – and in a later album track sang ‘Wight is White Dylan is Delight’, but I digress). To be honest Marsha wasn’t that much of a singer and never had any big hits, but the hair was wonderful.
She had an affair with Marc Bolan in 1969 and, in 1991, an affair with Mick Jagger which resulted in her only child, a daughter called Karis. She has also written several books and is currently working on one about Jimi Hendrix.
But in 2004 she was diagnosed with breast cancer, resulting in the removal of her right breast. The treatment was successful but the resulting chemotherapy resulted in the loss of all her hair – life can be so cruel at times.
It’s Claire’s turn now and she has chosen the world famous naturalist Sir David Attenborough.
(Richard’s bit) Who will ever forget that film clip of him among the gorillas? He was born in 1926 and is the younger brother of the famous actor, producer and director Richard. He has spent more than 50 years making wild life films beginning with ‘Zoo Quest’ in the 1950s and of course his ‘Life’ series from 1980 to 2011 (which has now covered every species of animal, insect, bird, fish and plant on the planet). The BBC is currently showing his latest series ‘Frozen Planet’.
He is also the author of dozens of books about natural history and became Controller of BBC2 in 1965 and Director of Programmes in 1969, though he later resigned in order to be able to continue his film making. But his enthusiasm for all aspects of natural history is totally infectious.
(Claire’s bit) David is neither young nor particularly handsome but he is endlessly fascinating. His natural ability to project his abounding enthusiasm is both infectious and highly attractive.
He has, for me, the best job in the world, forever exploring and observing all of nature’s wealth, up close and personal. As a young person I was enthralled by his vivid descriptions of the animals he encountered and I am still as captivated today by his numerous TV series.
David has an ability to impart his wealth of knowledge in a non-patronising fashion that again is as compelling as it is informative. I have always envied him his job and would declare quite emphatically that he is who I would like to be when asked that age old question. He has literally been everywhere and seen everything of the natural world – and how many of us will ever be able to say that?
His love of all things living, his enduring passion for life and its myriad wonders, has touched millions and encouraged them to view the world in a different way.
If a hero is someone to whom you aspire then David Attenborough is my hero.
House Rules for Kremlin
(Adapted from Boris the Spider)
1. The Advanced Rules as supplied in the
game will be used except as modified in these rules. The expansion deck less
Card #66 will also be used.
2. The first set of orders mailed in by each player will be the distribution of the 55 allocated IP (these IPs need not be declared yet, merely allocated) and orders for the 1st portion of Turn 1.
3. Each turn is generally divided into two (2) portions. The first cnsists of the Cure, Purge, Investigation, and Health phases. The second consists of the Replacement, Rehabilitation and Parade phases. The GM reserves the right to separate the turn due to a radically unpredictable intrigue card events.
4. Increasing Influence: At the end of the 3rd, 6th, and 9th turns a separate mailing turn will be issued for the option of publicly announcing increased IPs or acquiring additional intrigue cards. Conditional orders are recommended.
5. Special procedures for the first portion:
a. PURGE: Each Player eligible should write
purge attempt orders. Only one of those character will actually have the chance
to attempt a Purge; however, since the others do not know who will be active or
if a "first purge attempt" intrigue card is used, all characters
should have Purge Phase orders just in case.
b. INVESTIGATION: Each player eligible may
attempt to conduct a trial and/or condemn a Candidate to Siberia. In addition
ALL Politburo members must order Guilty or Innocent votes for each member of
the Politburo under investigation in case a member is brought to trial. If a
Politburo member is put on trial, any other Politburo member not casting a vote
for or against the one on trial is considered to have cast a Guilty vote.
6. Special procedures for the second portion:
FUNERAL: If the Party Chief post is vacant,
each of the Politburo members do the following:
a.) Nominate an eligible Politburo member
to become Party Chief.
b.) Vote yes/no on each Politburo member in
case he is nominated to become Party Chief (if no vote is ordered for/against a
certain nominee, the vote is considered to be "yes".
c.) List the
Politburo members, other than himself and the member listed in a.) in
order of preference, to become Party Chief (regardless of their eligibility for
step a.); this list is used in case a second nominee is needed.
7. Bribes and Deals: The GM requires a copy of all bribes and deals made between the parties involved in order to be able to enforce the three intrigue card limitation. The GM encourages the players to strike deals where they can.
8. Assigned IPs can be declared at any Point in the turn and can be conditional on any events that occur prior to the declaration of the IPs in the same mailing. If, at any time, two or more players have the same number of declared IP on a character, tie breaker points may be used. If this fails to resolve the tie, the GM decides who has control based on when the IP were declared. If the deadlock continues, the GM will flip a coin. Orders such as "declare as many IP on Badenuff to control him in the Purge Phase" will be followed if possible. Any order ambiguities will be handled by the GM as consistently as possible.
9. If a player does not send in orders for the first or second portions of a turn his characters make no voluntary actions. If he must make nominations, the oldest eligible character is nominated and all votes are "yes" or "guilty". If a player does not send in orders for the "Increase Influence" Interphase:
a) He shall draw Intrigue cards to fill his
b) He shall place any remaining IP on the highest ranking politician possible.
Where in the World is Kendo Nagasaki?
Rules in ES #58. Send in your guesses. I’ve played this in Brandon Whyte’s Damn the Consequences a few times and it’s fun, takes only a minute or two each turn, and helps you work your brain!
Kendo Nagasaki in Nagasaki
Barack Obama in Nagasaki
Cristina Fernández de Kirchner in Chicago
Brendan Whyte in Canberra, Australia
Tom Jones in Kansas City, Missouri
Bill Clinton in New York City
Brad Pitt in London, England
Tony Stewart in Charlotte, NC
Neil Gaiman in Stuttgart, Germany
Lady Gaga in Hanoi
Steve Jobs in Nagasaki
Donald Trump in Lagos, Nigeria
Robert Downey, Jr. in Kandahar, Afghanistan
John Cleese in Rio de Janeiro
“Bishop” from Alien in Hanoi
Barack Obama in Cairo
Clue to Person with the Closest Guess (Notified by email): I was born about a century before you.
Deadline for Round 2 is December 27th at 7:00am My Time
wants both drumsticks, you best go ahead and let her have them!
Diplomacy (Black Press – Permanent Opening in ES): Signed up: Mark Firth, John Biehl, Brad Wilson, Jack McHugh, need 3 more to fill. Sign up now!
Youngstown IV – The classic 10-player variant, which seems to have fallen through the cracks lately. Jack McHugh is going to write an article on it for Diplomacy World, but he wants to play again first, so sign up and help out! Signed up: Jack McHugh, Brad Wilson, Geoff Kemp, Martin Burgdorf, Don Williams, need 5 more. Sign up now!!!
Balkan Wars VI – To be Guest GM’d by Brad Wilson: Signed up: Doug Kent (that’s me folks), Jack McHugh, Lance Anderson, needs 3 more. Contact Brad to sign up at bwdolphin146 “of” yahoo.com. Sign up now!!! HURRY!!!
Everybody Plays Diplomacy (Black Press): An ongoing everyone-plays variant. Rules are in ES #47. Join in at any time!
By Almost Popular Demand: Underway, join anytime.
23 Tunes: Game currently underway, join any time.
Lifeboat: Everybody plays, whether you actually do anything or not.
Movie Photo Contest: 10 Rounds, with a prize to the winner. Join anytime!
Where in the World is Kendo Nagasaki?: Rules in ES #58. Send in your guess! Join anytime!
Kremlin: House rules in this issue. I’d like to get five players for this, any takers? Jack McHugh signed up, need at least 3 more.
Standby List: HELP! I need standby players! – Current standby list: Graham Wilson, Jim Burgess (Dip only), Lance Anderson (Dip only), Martin Burgdorf, Paul Milewski (Dip only), Brad Wilson, Kevin Tighe (Dip only), Chris Babcock, Don Williams, and whoever I beg into it in an emergency.
I’m going to continue to go through my files and seeing what other variants I can offer, until I find one that gets enough interest to fill. When I offer a variant I’ll give it an issue or two, but if nobody signs up I’ll drop the opening and replace it. If somebody wants to guest-GM a game of anything, just get in touch. If you have specific game requests please let me know.
Diplomacy “Dulcinea” 2008C, F 15
Austria (Lance Anderson – lance_anderson “of” hotmail.com): A Belgium Unordered, A Brest Unordered,
A Budapest Unordered, A Denmark – Sweden, A Gascony Supports F Marseilles - Spain(sc),
A Holland Unordered, A Kiel – Denmark, A Munich – Kiel, A Paris, Unordered, A Picardy Unordered,
A Ruhr Unordered, A Sweden – Finland, A Venice Unordered, F Western Mediterranean - Mid-Atlantic Ocean.
England (Kevin Tighe – tigheman “of” yahoo.com): A Edinburgh Supports A Liverpool – Clyde,
F English Channel - Mid-Atlantic Ocean (*Fails*), A Finland – Norway, A Liverpool – Clyde,
F North Atlantic Ocean Hold, F Norwegian Sea Supports F North Atlantic Ocean,
F St Petersburg(nc) Hold (*Dislodged*, retreat to Barents Sea or OTB).
Turkey (Jim Burgess – jfburgess “of” gmail.com): F Aegean Sea – Greece, A Armenia – Sevastopol,
Clyde - North Atlantic Ocean (*Disbanded*), F Ionian Sea - Tyrrhenian Sea,
A Livonia Supports A Moscow - St Petersburg, F Marseilles - Spain(sc), F Mid-Atlantic Ocean - Irish Sea,
A Moscow - St Petersburg, F North Africa Supports F Western Mediterranean - Mid-Atlantic Ocean, F Rome Hold,
F Spain(sc) - Portugal.
Winter 1915/Spring 1916 Deadline is December 27th at 7:00am my time
Supply Center Chart
Austria: Belgium, Berlin, Brest, Budapest, Denmark, Holland, Kiel, Munich, Paris, Rumania, Serbia,
Sweden, Trieste, Venice, Vienna=15, Build 1
England: Edinburgh, Liverpool, London, Norway=4, Remove 2 or 3
Turkey: Ankara, Bulgaria, Constantinople, Greece, Marseilles, Moscow, Naples, Portugal, Rome,
Sevastopol, Smyrna, Spain, St Petersburg, Tunis, Warsaw=15, Build 3
(BOOB to THE TIGHE MAN): You don't deserve this, but unfortunately Phil did and we must follow through.
Archduke to P.M.: well fought, sir - sorry to see you retire. Always enjoyed your optimistic outlook.
Eng - Aus: You may already be aware of this but Turkey is only 3 away from victory.
Eng - Tur: I guess you already know that Austria is only 4 away from victory. Hmmm, good plan Turk!
English Army: Die enemy fleet, die! Go to Hell, or Ankara, whichever is closer.
Eng - Bourse: I'd go all in on Turkey. Quick, before he turns the river card.
“Dulcinea” Diplomacy Bourse
Billy Ray Valentine: Nada.
Duke of York: Buys 20 Piastres.
Smaug the Dragon: Zip.
Rothschild: Sells 500 Crowns and 500 Pounds. Buys 918 Piastres.
Baron Wuffet: Zilch.
Wooden Nickel Enterprises: Sells 500 Crowns and 414 Pounds. Buys 861 Piastes.
VAIONT Enterprises: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Insider Trading LLC: Yawn.
Bourse Master: Stands pat.
Next Bourse Deadline is December 26 at 7:00pm my time
None. You all suck.
Graustark Diplomacy Game 2006A, F 13
Austria (Don Williams – dwilliams “of” fontana.org): NMR! F Apulia Unordered, A Vienna Unordered.
England (Fred Wiedemeyer – wiedem “of” telus.net): F Barents Sea - Norwegian Sea,
A Brest - Gascony (*Fails*), F English Channel - Mid-Atlantic Ocean, A Gascony - Spain (*Fails*),
F Mid-Atlantic Ocean - Western Mediterranean, F Naples Supports F Tyrrhenian Sea - Ionian Sea,
A St Petersburg - Moscow (*Fails*), F Tunis Supports F Tyrrhenian Sea - Ionian Sea,
F Tyrrhenian Sea - Ionian Sea (*Fails*).
France (Hank Alme – almehj “of” alumni.rice.edu): F Portugal Supports A Spain.
Germany (Harley Jordan – harleyj “of” alum.mit.edu): F Baltic Sea – Livonia, A Bohemia - Galicia (*Fails*),
A Budapest - Serbia (*Bounce*), A Galicia - Ukraine (*Fails*), A Livonia – Warsaw, F Prussia Hold,
A Rome Supports F Apulia - Venice (*Void*), A Silesia Supports A Livonia – Warsaw,
A Spain Supports F Mid-Atlantic Ocean - Portugal (*Void*), A Trieste Supports A Budapest – Serbia,
A Tyrolia Supports A Trieste.
Russia (John Biehl – jerbil “of” shaw.ca): F Adriatic Sea Supports F Ionian Sea,
A Albania - Serbia (*Bounce*), F Eastern Mediterranean Supports F Ionian Sea,
A Greece Supports A Albania – Serbia, F Ionian Sea Hold, A Moscow Hold, A Rumania – Bulgaria,
A Serbia – Rumania, A Sevastopol Supports A Serbia – Rumania, A Ukraine Supports A Moscow (*Cut*),
Warsaw Unordered (*Disbanded*).
No standby will be called for Austria.
Concession to Germany Fails.
W 13/S 14 Deadline is December 27th at 7:00am my time
Supply Center Chart
Austria: Vienna=1, Remove 1
England: Belgium, Brest, Edinburgh, Liverpool, London, Naples, Norway, Paris,
St Petersburg, Tunis=10, Build 1
France: Portugal=1, Even
Germany: Berlin, Budapest, Denmark, Holland, Kiel, Marseilles, Munich, Rome, Spain,
Sweden, Trieste, Venice, Warsaw=13, Build 2
Russia: Ankara, Bulgaria, Constantinople, Greece, Moscow, Rumania, Serbia,
Sevastopol, Smyrna=9, Remove 1
From the bowels of the turkish press: from the song Raputsin : oh , those Russians.....
Black Press Gunboat, “Scream” 2010Brb32, W 06/S 07
England: Remove F Norwegian Sea.. A Clyde – Liverpool, F Edinburgh - North Sea (*Fails*).
France: Build A Paris.. A Belgium – Ruhr, F Gulf of Lyon – Marseilles, A Holland Supports A Belgium – Ruhr,
F North Africa Supports F Tyrrhenian Sea - Western Mediterranean, A Paris - Burgundy (*Fails*),
A Tyrolia – Venice, F Tyrrhenian Sea - Western Mediterranean.
Germany: Retreat F Clyde - North Atlantic Ocean.. Remove A Kiel, A Ruhr.. A Burgundy - Paris (*Fails*),
F London - English Channel, F North Atlantic Ocean - Mid-Atlantic Ocean.
Russia: Build A Moscow, A Warsaw.. A Berlin – Kiel, A Budapest Supports A Warsaw – Galicia,
A Denmark Supports A Berlin – Kiel, A Moscow Supports F Sevastopol, F Norway - North Sea,
A Serbia - Rumania (*Fails*), F Sevastopol Supports A Serbia - Rumania (*Cut*), A Silesia – Munich,
F Skagerrak Supports F Norway - North Sea, A St Petersburg – Norway, A Trieste Supports A Budapest,
A Ukraine Supports F Sevastopol (*Cut*), A Warsaw - Galicia.
Turkey: Build A Constantinople.. A Armenia - Sevastopol (*Fails*),
F Black Sea Supports A Armenia – Sevastopol, A Bulgaria – Greece, A Constantinople – Bulgaria,
F Ionian Sea Supports A Bulgaria – Greece, F Naples - Tyrrhenian Sea,
F Rome Supports F Naples - Tyrrhenian Sea, A Rumania - Ukraine (*Fails*),
F Tunis - Western Mediterranean (*Fails*).
F 07 deadline is December 27th at 7:00am my time
PARIS-MOS/CON: Aren't you ready to fight yet???
Diplomacy “Dublin Boys” 2010D, F 05
Austria (Paul Milewski – paul.milewski “of” hotmail.com): A Budapest - Rumania (*Bounce*),
A Moscow - Sevastopol (*Fails*), A Trieste – Serbia, A Ukraine - Galicia (*Bounce*),
A Vienna - Galicia (*Bounce*).
England (Kevin Tighe – tigheman “of” yahoo.com): F Denmark - Kiel (*Fails*),
F Edinburgh - Norwegian Sea, F Helgoland Bight Supports F North Sea – Holland, A Livonia – Prussia,
F North Sea - Holland (*Fails*), F St Petersburg(nc) Hold, F Sweden - Denmark (*Fails*).
France (Jeff O’Donnell – unclestaush “of” yahoo.com): A Burgundy Supports A Ruhr - Munich (*Void*),
F Ionian Sea Supports F Tunis - Tyrrhenian Sea (*Cut*), A Paris Supports A Burgundy,
A Picardy Supports A Burgundy, A Piedmont – Venice, F Tunis - Tyrrhenian Sea (*Fails*).
Germany (Melinda Holley – genea5613 “of” aol.com): F Baltic Sea – Kiel, A Belgium Supports A Holland,
A Holland Supports F Baltic Sea - Kiel (*Cut*), A Munich Supports F Baltic Sea – Kiel,
A Ruhr Supports A Belgium.
Italy (Hank Alme – almehj “of”
Retreat F Ionian Sea – Greece..
Greece - Ionian Sea (*Dislodged*, retreat to Albania or OTB), F
Naples Supports F Rome - Tyrrhenian Sea,
F Rome - Tyrrhenian Sea.
Russia (Jack McHugh – jwmchughjr “of” gmail.com): Disband A Vienna.. A Rumania Supports F Sevastopol
(*Cut*), F Sevastopol Supports A Rumania (*Cut*).
Turkey (Brad Wilson - bwdolphin146 “of”yahoo.com): F Aegean Sea – Greece,
F Black Sea - Rumania (*Bounce*), A Bulgaria Supports F Aegean Sea – Greece, F Constantinople - Aegean Sea.
W 05/S 06 Deadline is December 27th at 7:00am my time
Supply Center Chart
Austria: Budapest, Moscow, Serbia, Trieste, Vienna, Warsaw=6, Build 1
England: Denmark, Edinburgh, Liverpool, London, Norway, St Petersburg, Sweden=7, Even
France: Brest, Marseilles, Paris, Portugal, Spain, Tunis, Venice=7, Build 1
Germany: Belgium, Berlin, Holland, Kiel, Munich=5, Even
Italy: Naples, Rome=2, Even or Remove 1
Russia: Rumania, Sevastopol=2, Even
Turkey: Ankara, Bulgaria, Constantinople, Greece, Smyrna=5, Build 1
france to germany; i hate stand offs. lets attack italy
Ger - Eng: The road goes on forever and the party never ends.
sev-con--the reason the cookie is crumbling is because you wouldn't get off your ass and help...i hope austria eats you alive you lazy bastard!
Eng-Ger: Break on through to the other side, break on through, break, break, break on.
Everybody Plays Diplomacy “Dandelion” 2010Cvj08, W 05/S 06
Player Names or Handles will be shown for any power they commanded each season.
Remember, in some seasons if we get enough players you may not wind up commanding any nations. All press submitted will be printed.
Austria (Jack McHugh): Build F Trieste.. A Berlin Supports A Silesia – Munich,
Piedmont - Marseilles (*Dislodged*, retreat to Venice or Tuscany or OTB), A
A Rumania - Bulgaria (*Bounce*), A Serbia - Greece (*Bounce*), A Silesia – Munich, F Trieste - Adriatic Sea,
A Venice - Tyrolia.
England (Rick Desper): Remove A Wales.. F English Channel - North Sea, A London Hold,
F North Atlantic Ocean - Mid-Atlantic Ocean, F St Petersburg(nc) Supports F Sweden – Norway,
F Sweden - Norway.
France (Dave McCrumb): Plays 1 short.. F Brest – Gascony, A Burgundy – Ruhr, F Gulf of Lyon – Piedmont,
A Holland Supports A Kiel, A Kiel Supports A Burgundy – Ruhr, A Marseilles Supports F Gulf of Lyon – Piedmont,
F Portugal Hold.
A Munich Supports A
Kiel - Berlin (*Dislodged*, retreat to Bohemia or
A Norway Supports F Denmark - Sweden
(*Dislodged*, retreat to Finland or OTB).
Italy (Italy Must Win): Disband A Rome..Build F Naples.. F Albania - Greece (*Bounce*),
F Constantinople - Bulgaria(sc) (*Bounce*), F Naples - Rome (*Fails*),
F Western Mediterranean - Tyrrhenian Sea.
Russia (Brad Wilson): Build A Warsaw.. F Denmark Supports A Munich - Kiel (*Void*),
A Sevastopol – Armenia, A Ukraine – Moscow, A Warsaw - Livonia.
Turkey (Tom Howell): F Armenia – Ankara, F Black Sea Supports F Armenia – Ankara, F Syria - Smyrna.
F 06 Deadline is December 27th at 7:00am my time
italy must win-austria must have italian dots: you call that a glitch???!!!!
france must win-italy must win: i believe you're using my name, bitch
Press: Methinks it's time for all to combine versus AusFra.
turkey has only fleets-players: if you must give me fleets can we at least deploy them where there are sea spaces you morons!
austria must win-board: i have always depended on the kindness of strangers
germany-board: mendacity, mendacity..why i have to deal with that my entire life, big daddy...
ITALY MUST WIN to YOU MUST LOSE: Whose favorite is that? Austria looks like the favorite.
ITALY MUST WIN to ITALY MUST EAT PASTA: All good things come to those who ate!
Austria to Pikers: Keep those
bungling Italian orders out of the High Command.
Piker to Italian Muss: Keep your hand on the throttle and your eye on the ball. Then you won't see that Austrian dagger 'till you feel it in your back.
ITALY MUST WIN to TURKEY MUST SMOKE CIGS: I hope everyone still has your smokin' fleets takin' a cig break!
ITALY MUST WIN to ALL UNDERDOGS EVERYWHERE: There's no need to fear -- Underdog is here!!!
Black Press Gunboat, “Streets of Soho,” 2011Arb32, F 04
Austria: F Aegean Sea – Greece, A Budapest – Rumania, A Constantinople Supports F Eastern Mediterranean –
Smyrna, F Eastern Mediterranean – Smyrna, A Galicia Supports A Budapest – Rumania,
A Serbia Supports A Budapest - Rumania.
Denmark - Kiel (*Fails*),
F Irish Sea - English Channel (*Dislodged*,
retreat to Wales or Liverpool or
North Atlantic Ocean or OTB), F North Sea – London, A Norway - St Petersburg, F Skagerrak - North Sea,
F Sweden Hold.
France: F English Channel Supports F Mid-Atlantic Ocean - Irish Sea, A Holland Hold, F Ionian Sea – Tunis,
A Marseilles Supports A Paris – Burgundy, F Mid-Atlantic Ocean - Irish Sea, A Paris – Burgundy,
A Spain - Gascony.
Germany: A Kiel - Holland (*Fails*), A Livonia – Moscow, A Munich – Ruhr, F St Petersburg(sc) - Gulf of Bothnia,
A Warsaw Supports A Livonia - Moscow.
Italy: NMR! F Naples Hold, F Tyrrhenian Sea Hold, A Venice Hold.
Russia: A Armenia – Ankara, F Black Sea Supports A Armenia – Ankara, F Sevastopol - Rumania (*Fails*).
F Ankara Hold (*Disbanded*), A Smyrna Supports F Ankara (*Dislodged*, retreat
to Armenia or
Syria or OTB).
A standby will be called for Italy
W 04/S 05 Deadline is December 27th at 7:00am my time
Supply Center Chart
Austria: Budapest, Bulgaria, Constantinople, Greece, Rumania, Serbia, Smyrna,
Trieste, Vienna=9, Build 3
England: Denmark, Edinburgh, Liverpool, London, Norway, St Petersburg, Sweden=7, Build 1 or 2
France: Belgium, Brest, Holland, Marseilles, Paris, Spain, Tunis=7, Even
Germany: Berlin, Kiel, Moscow, Munich, Warsaw=5, Even
Italy: Naples, Rome, Venice=3, Even
Russia: Ankara, Sevastopol=2, Even
Turkey: None=0, OUT!!
Oh for crying out loud…can’t allies ever work TOGETHER!!!!
Austria - Italy: I really hope that you were not tempted to Ven-Tri. Any trespass will be sevearly
Austria - France: Back off!
Dublin Times reports that Germany is on the ropes, now is time for the French and English to finish them off!!
Albanian freedom fighters have declared war on Turkey….they figure they’ll finally win a war!! Now if the Austrians will only invade Italy, freedom will be assured!! LONG LIVE ALBANIA!!!!
Diplomacy - “Lighthouse” - 2011? – Winter 1901
Austria (Don Williams – dwilliams “of” fontana.org): Has F Albania, A Budapest, A Serbia.
England (Paul Milewski – paul.milewski “of” hotmail.com): Build F London..Has F London, F North Sea,
F Norway, A Wales.
France (Kevin Wilson – ckevinw “of” comcast.net): Build F Brest, A Paris..Has F Brest, F English Channel,
A Paris, A Portugal, A Spain.
Germany (Brad Wilson – bwdolphin146 “of” yahoo.com): Build A Munich, A Berlin, F Kiel..Has A Belgium,
A Berlin, A Denmark, F Holland, F Kiel, A Munich.
Italy (Melinda Holley – genea5613 “of” aol.com): Build F Naples, A Rome..Has F Naples, A Rome, A Trieste,
F Tunis, A Venice.
Russia (Fred Wiedemeyer – wiedem “of” telus.net): Build A St Petersburg, F Sevastopol..Has A Armenia,
F Rumania, F Sevastopol, A St Petersburg, F Sweden, A Ukraine.
Turkey (Lance Anderson – lance_anderson “of” hotmail.com): Plays 1 short..Has F Black Sea, A Bulgaria,
Spring 1902 Deadline is December 27th at 7:00am my time
Ita - Yankee Fan: All I can say is that it's a sorry world when someone who has absolutely NO interest in baseball wins Doug's baseball contest.
BER-MOS: All is well, yes?
From the Russian Imperial Palace: It appears this communications equipment the PM sent us is not working - no word from anybody. Our intelligence unit is also gone AWOL
By Almost Popular Demand
The goal is to pick something that fits the category and will be the a popular answer but NOT the "most popular" answer. You score points based on the number of entries that match yours. For example, if the category is "Cats" and the responses were 7 for Persian, 3 for Calico and 1 for Siamese, everyone who said Persian would get 7 points, Calico 3 and the lone Siamese would score 1 point. However, if your answer is the most popular answer, you score ZERO. The cumulative total over 10 rounds will determine the overall winner. Anyone may enter at any point, starting with an equivalent point total of the lowest cumulative score from the previous round. If a person misses a round, they'll receive the minimum score from the round added to their cumulative total. In each round you may specify one of your answers as your Joker answer. Your score for this answer will be doubled. In other words, if you apply your Joker to category 3 on a given turn, and 4 other people give the same answer as you, you get 10 points instead of 5. Players who fail to submit a Joker for any specific turn will have their Joker automatically applied to the first category. And, if you want to submit some commentary with your answers, feel free to. The game will consist of 10 rounds, and the score is doubled for Round 10. A prize will be awarded to the winner. Research is permitted!
Round 6 Categories
1. A type of bear.
2. A member of the Rolling Stones (current or former).
3. One of the original 13 colonies in what became the U.S.A.
4. A movie with a vampire or vampires.
5. A country that begins with the letter C.
Amber Smith pulls the high score with 21, while poor Dane Maslen gets a lousy deuce.
Selected Comments by Category:
Bear – Richard Walkerdine “Yes it is a bear, I checked, and we saw several when we went on holiday to China a few years back – but a Red Panda is NOT a bear.” Kevin Wilson “Kind of a tough one here. Lots to choose from so maybe no overriding favorite to avoid. I'm guessing Panda or grizzly could be #1 so I'll go with something else.” Marc Ellinger “This is a tough one, since polar bears and grizzlies are so popular. I thought about the Panda bear also, but because of my comments in #5, I opted for polar bear. Besides, I have Samoyed’s and as babies they look like polar bears.”
Rolling Stones – Kevin Wilson “I have to think Mick will be #1.” Marc Ellinger “Mick Jagger, Keith Richards or Ron Wood…it gets tougher to name one after that for me.” Jim Burgess “Keith Richards JOKER, who else could be the JOKER???”
Colony – Richard Walkerdine “Massachusetts Bay (and if anyone just says Massachusetts they are WRONG).” Kevin Wilson “Again, tough to choose from but I think NY may be #1 so…” Marc Ellinger “I figure NY will be the obvious answer. Virginia is close, but not as obscure as Delaware!!” Per Westling “One of two states I've been to, when visiting WDC at Chapel Hill in the 90s (94?).”
Vampire – Richard Walkerdine “Salem’s Lot, David Soul at his best.” Kevin Wilson “I guess one of the Twilight movies might get #1 being recent and popular.” Marc Ellinger “If anyone puts down those stupid teenie-bopper movies that are out today, I move we blackball them from the game forever!!!!”
C Country – Richard Walkerdine “Been on holiday to Chile too, ended with visiting this 2 mile wide glacier dropping hundreds of tons of icebergs into the sea – awesome (and very noisy). We were in small boats (a fairly safe distance away but with lots of bits of ice floating past) and drank 10 year old whisky with 20,000 year old ice. Absolute magic – and we have the video of the trip.” Marc Ellinger “There are so many “c” countries but so few real options. I think China will be the dominant answer, due to the economy, military and political news on a daily basis. Everything related to China is in the news (even the mating of panda bears…or the separating of gay panda bears), so I’ll go with our closest ally in North America (which should be our closest in the world when you think about it).” Per Westling “So, how many will dare to go for Canada? Quite a lot to choose from here. One difficulty for me is that countries that in English starts with a hard C, often starts with a K in my language. For example Kamerun and Kanada.”
Round 7 Categories
1. Something you use in the shower.
2. A type of hat.
3. One of the “seven deadly sins.”
4. A coin denomination.
5. A country beginning with D.
Deadline for Round 7 is December 27th at 7:00am my time
There are ten rounds of movie photos, and each round consists of ten photos. Identify the film each photo is from. Anyone may enter at any point. If you want to submit some commentary with your answers, feel free to. The game will consist of 10 rounds. A prize will be awarded to the winner – and it might be a very good prize! Research is not permitted! That means NO RESEARCH OF ANY KIND, not just no searches for the photos themselves. The only legal “research” is watching movies to try and locate the scenes. Each round will also contain one bonus question, asking what the ten movies being quoted have in common. The player with the most correct answers each round gets 3 points, 2nd place gets 2 points, and 3rd place gets 1 point. In the event of ties, multiple players get the points (if three players tie for first, they EACH get 3 points). High score at the end of ten rounds wins the game, and a prize (unless you cheated). If there’s enough participation I may give a prize for 2nd and maybe even 3rd place overall too. The final round will be worth double points.
1. The Eagle Has Landed. Correct: JM, PR. The Keep – DM. A Bridge Too Far – RD. The Dirty Dozen – AY, KW. Schindler’s List – JB.
Escape to Witch Mountain. Correct: AY. Poltergeist – JM, AL. Children of the Corn – DM, RD. The Time Machine – PR. Herbie the Lovebug – JB. Village of the Damned – KT. Firestarter – KW.
The Great Escape. Correct: BW, JM, AL, DM, KW, RD, AY, PR, KT, TH. The Motorcycle Diaries – JB.
Fantastic Voyage. Correct: AL, RD, AY, KW. Incredible Journey – JM, PR. Silent Running – DM. Starship Troopers – JB. Incredible Voyage – KT.
Halloween. Correct: AL. High Plains Drifter – JM. The Exorcist – RD. Misery – KT.
The Hands of Orloc. Mildred Pierce – BW. The Graduate – JM, KW. The Third Man – AL. The Mummy – DM, RD. The Maltese Falcon – PR. Soylent Green – JB.
Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. Little Shop of Horrors – JM, AL, RD, AY, KT, KW. The Man With Two Brains - DM. The Jerk – PR. [[They key to getting this one, if you’ve ever actually watched this 2nd worst Beatles-related movie ever, is noticing the heart-shaped trumpet in Steve Martin’s hand.]]
Oh, God! Correct – JM, AL, DM, RD, AY, KW, JB, KT.
You Only Live Twice. Correct – KW. The Karate Kid – BW. The Seven Samurai – JM. Johnny English – PR. The Last Samurai – JB.
Escape from New York. Correct – JM, KW, AL, DM, RD, AY, PR, KT. War or the Worlds – JB.
Bonus: What do these 10 movies have in common? Donald Pleasance appears in all of them. Correct – AL. A British Actor, Can’t Think of His Name, Bald – KT (1/2 point). All Best Picture Nominees – JM. First Films in a Series – DM. All Filmed in Cinemascope – RD. Something to Do With Tom Cruise – JB. All Won Best Song Oscar – KW. All Have Nazis – TH.
Correct Answers: Andy Lischett [AL] – 6; Andy York [AY] – 5; Kevin Wilson [KW] –
5; Rick Desper [RD] – 4; Jack McHugh [JM] – 4; Kevin Tighe [KT] – 3 ½; Paraic Reddington [PR] – 3; Dave McCrumb
[DM] – 3; Brendan Whyte [BW] – 1; Jim Burgess [JB] – 1; Tom Howell [TH] - 1.
Scores So Far: Andy Lischett [AL] – 3; Andy York [AY] – 2; Kevin Wilson [KW] – 2; Rick Desper [RD] – 1; Jack McHugh [JM] – 1.
Bonus: What do these 10 movies have in common?
Deadline for Round 2 is December 27th at 7:00am my time
General Deadline for the Next Issue
of Eternal Sunshine:
December 27th, 2011 at 7:00am my time.
See You Then!