Eternal Sunshine #64

May 2012

By Douglas Kent 911 Irene Drive, Mesquite, TX  75149

Email: or

On the web at – or go directly to the Diplomacy section at  Also be sure to visit the official Diplomacy World website which can be found at 

All Eternal Sunshine readers are encouraged to join the free Eternal Sunshine Yahoo group at to stay up-to-date on any subzine news or errata.  We also have our own Eternal Sunshine Twitter feed at, and a Facebook group at!/group.php?gid=112223650909

Check out my new Internet radio station, “Music You Should Know,” at

Quote Of The Month“You should read my journal.  It’s just, like, blank.” (Joel in “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”)


Welcome to Eternal Sunshine, the only Diplomacy zine published by a member of the Diplomacy hobby for 20+ years that has never attended a single face-to-face event (not counting TexiCon, where I ran the Diplomacy tournament last year for the zero players who showed up).  I suppose that’s my lot in life though…I always enjoyed the postal side of the hobby, and there’s some fun in the electronic side as well.  If Texas ever developed a stronger FtF hobby – or Dallas for that matter – I’d likely participate.  After two years of sponsoring the Dallas Diplomacy Group on I finally killed it off, as in that time I had never succeeded in getting a single game together.  In fact, I hadn’t even been able to get 4 players to commit to a day or time or a place.  Another success story!


Oh well, maybe one day.  In the meantime, there’s still Eternal Sunshine and Diplomacy World.  So let’s just concentrate on them.  This issue there’s plenty of reading material for you non-game types.  Paul Milewski and Richard Walkerdine both submitted interesting columns, and if you’re in the mood for true politically incorrectness (unlike Bill Maher who is about as politically correct as you can get) you have Jack McHugh.  I’m almost done with another interview for You Don’t Know Me, but I’ll waiting on one last set of responses.  If I don’t get them that interview will be pushed back to next issue.


Jim “The Man With No Shame” Burgess was shamed into getting The Abyssinian Prince back on track…you might even find TWO issues of TAP in this rag.  But I want to talk about the Eternal Sunshine game openings.  What the heck is wrong with you people?  Sure, a new Diplomacy game has been filled, but what about the variants on offer?  None of them are particularly complicated, but they’re all fun.  Get with the program or I’ll put more cat pictures in this thing…which might set Andy York off, and you don’t want an angry Andy banging on your door, threatening you, spray painting gang signs on your entrance….so sign up for some stuff before that happens!


I wish I had more to say about this issue but right now I can’t think of anything.  By Popular Demand is only one round old, so you can join that with almost no handicap.  Kendo Nagasaki will start a new round the same issue the current one ends; I hope you’re following along and starting to get the hang of it.  Check out my new internet radio station, Music You Should Know (the link is in the titles above).  If you’ve got suggestions on artists or songs to add, let me know, as I plan on rotating plenty of material in and out of the rotation.  It’s free to listen to; just remember to give my station a good rating when you’re there!  That’s about it….see you in June!


Playlist: Highway 71 – 3 Penny Acre; Crazy Clown Time – David Lynch; Middle Cyclone – Neko Case; Wellspring – Caroline Herring; This Train – Chrysta Bell.



Hypothetical of the Month


Last month, we gave you these two hypotheticals: #1 – Waiting at a bus stop in a downpour, you see a blind man attempting to cross the street.  You are in a rush and see you bus coming.  Do you offer to help?  #2 –Someone extends his friendship but you aren’t interested.  Later you learn that he is a legal wizard.  You need free advice desperately and don’t know anyone else.  Do you call him?


Melinda Holley - #1 - Yes.  First, I would feel absolutely horrible if I didn't.  Second, at this point in my life, I realize that the earth will NOT stop turning on its axis if I'm late.


#2 - Yes.  If I need legal advice that desperately, pride should be (and will be) swallowed.  Maybe it'll teach me a lesson about Karma.


Richard Weiss - #1 - If I were, then I wouldn't, but I wouldn't be anyway, so I can.  Yes, I'd help the blind man cross a street.  That way I get on the bus faster, because the bus was going to hit the dude, or the driver was going to wait for the blind man, or whatever. 


#2 - Never.  But even better, the blind man is the legal wizard's mentor.


Andy York - #1 - Certainly (presuming he can't cross the street safely "as is" – he has a guide, traffic already stopped to let him cross, etc).


#2 - Likely not, but that could change depending on the reason for the "aren't interested" comment. For instance, he extends his friendship after stealing $10k from me, definitely not; but the friendship extension was based on enjoying a round of golf every week (I don't play), I might - or more likely call and offer to pay for the advice in some manner.


Richard Walkerdine - #1 - Of course I help the blind guy across the street – if I miss my bus I can always catch the next one (and I am not quite as nasty as I sometimes claim).


#2 - Yes I do call the legal wizard, but only after spending a lot of time deciding just what to say (apologies and so on).


Jack McHugh - #1 - Not unless he looks like he needs help--if he does I'll help and get the next bus


#2 –Probably---it really depends on why I wasn't interested--if he's a jerk probably not, if I just didn't have the same interests, why not?


Andy Lischett - #1 - Yes, I'd offer to help the guy. Presumably I will only get wetter, while a blind man crossing a street in a downpour might get dead.


#2 - No, I don't call the legal wizard... unless I'm in REALLY big trouble. However, Carol had a similar real-life situation.


She was given a toy poodle, Sonny, by a friend who breeds them professionally, and several years later the dog developed a rare, incurable and painful condition which proved to be hereditary. Carol has a website for her dogs and described Sonny's condition and symptoms (both to try to find information and to disseminate information) and the breeder sued Carol for damaging her business. The breeder lives in Georgia, Carol lives in Illinois and needed a lawyer in Georgia.


Carol's brother, Shelly, is a tax attorney in a large law firm in Atlanta, but Carol and Shelly hadn't spoken in years because of some family feud. Despite that, Carol called Shelly and said, "I know you once said that the only time I call is if I need something, but... I need something," and asked Shelly if he could recommend a lawyer in Georgia. He asked why and she told him and he said he would represent her. Carol said she just wanted a referral, but Shelly insisted on being her lawyer. Carol then said that she would pay him and Shelly said that she couldn’t afford him. It would be fun, Shelly said, to work on something besides taxes.


So Shelly assembled a legal team and blew away Hildegard (the evil plaintiff) and her lawyer. At one hearing Hildegard's frustrated lawyer stood up and said, "Your Honor, we notice that the defendant and her counsel have the same last name and feel that she may not be incurring the same financial burden as my client." The judge said, "So what?"


Anyway, Carol won the lawsuit and was reunited with her brother, and they are now best buds.


Tom Howell - #1 - Being in a rush, right now,...  If I could see that he had the situation under control, probably not.  If it appeared he was in danger of stepping in front of the bus, a quick hand on the elbow and a word in the ear, "Wait, there's a bus coming."  If time permitted, i.e., the bus' arrival was a minute off, perhaps ask another passenger to ask the bus to wait, and assist him across the street.


#2 –Free legal advice?  Don't exist.


Dick Martin - #1 -  i'd get on the bus, unless the blind guy was in some sort of distress. he's obviously able to get around and doesn't need the help.


#2 - would probably depend on why i wasn't interested, but sure i'd call him. if i could get over the it's probably pretty iffy.


Don Williams - #1 - Didn’t the designers of this game have anything better to do than put old people at risk?  Yes, I stop and help the old blind man.  There’ll be another bus along soon.


#2 - No, I don’t ask the guy for free advice.  I’m not sure I would ask for anything free even if he was a friend.  There is no integrity to this kind of thing, and if I spurned his earlier attempts at friendship, I can add hypocrisy to that.


Rick Desper - #1 - How would I know he's a blind man?  Is there some reason to think he cannot manage it himself?  When's the next bus?  It would be nice to simply say "yes" but that's not entirely realistic.  However, sometimes I surprise myself and I'm charitable.


#2 - No. Is there some kind of shortage of lawyers in the world? 


John Biehl - #1 - No, I would not help the blind man. I'm in a hurry to catch the bus and if the apparently blind man is out by himself this indicates he is capable of independant action (he may be somewhat sight capable as he has no seeing eye dog with him.


#2 - Yes, I would seek the free legal advice from this person who I initially spurned. Lawyers are supposed to offer a free initial consultation and whether or not this person wishes to be 'friends' should have no bearing on this question. It is a matter of seeking legal advice from the most effective source possible


Heather Taylor - #1 – I am not sure, because I know that some blind people prefer not to be helped.  If I thought he was in danger, then yes.  The raining and late stuff aren’t factors, I’d rather do the right thing…but of course I’d bitch about it later.


#2 –It all depends why I didn’t want to be friends with him in the first place.  If he was just slightly annoying, I’d try to overlook that and establish the friendship.  But if he was some kind of immoral creep or there was a legitimate reason for avoiding him, I’d have to do without his assistance.


For Next Month (For the time being, I am usually selecting questions from the game “A Question of Scruples” which was published in 1984 by High Games Enterprises).  Remember you can make your answers as detailed as you wish.: #1 – Nine dollars in quarters come spilling out of a pay phone.  Do you report it?  #2 – You and your co-workers on the night shift at the factory can finish your quota in one third of the time allotted.  If you do more, you make the day shift look bad.  Do you drag your feet and kill time?



The Dining Dead -
The Eternal Sunshine Movie Reviews


Despite a number of movies we would like to see (Bully, The House in the Woods…) we didn’t make it to the theater this month.  DVDs only!


Seen on DVD – Loophole (B, I saw this on cable maybe 25 years ago, and have wanted to see it again since.  A pretty good heist film).  Incendiary (B-, overall a bit of a bore actually, but a strong performance my Michelle Williams saves it).  Fido (B+, slow but fun and very attractive take on the “boy and his dog” genre, this time “boy and his zombie.”) Cave of Forgotten Dreams (B+, amazing cave painting from nearly 40,000 years ago, kept in pristine condition because of a landslide 20,000 years ago).  Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (B+, aside from a goofy ending, a creepy and effective story).


Meet Me In Montauk
The Eternal Sunshine Letter Column


Andy Lischett: I love the car, but then I like cars, especially old Fords. Don't necessarily believe the badge on the fender, but the engine is probably a 289 (or maybe a 302, which is the same engine "punched out" for an extra 13 cubic inches). A great, reliable and versatile engine, as described in Cheesecake, issue number... 289! It is a strong and simple engine and parts are plentiful as zillions were built over 40-some years. I have a rusting-away '65 Mustang, which was based on the Falcon and is essentially the same car, except that your car can be driven. When I retire (soon) I hope to learn how to weld and renovate the Mustang with new floors panels and rear frame rails.


You had no pictures of the cool rear end of the Falcon, with the big round taillights. I'm not sure from the pictures but it looks like the front seat is a bench, rather than buckets, and I'd guess it is not a Sprint, not that that matters except to fanatics. But maybe I'm wrong, even Mustangs could be ordered with a bench seat (as an option!). Is it an automatic transmission or manual? (I'm rooting for a manual, but automatic would be my second choice (joke)).


[[It is currently an automatic, but I don’t know if that is coverted or not.  And yes it has the gorgeous round taillights.]]


Once you get the car in motion, even a little, it WILL turn. That's what that big steering wheel is for. You didn't mention the brakes, so perhaps they've been "powerized" already. The Falcon appears to have disc brakes up front, which were rare even on sportier Mustangs, so they may be new. By the way, for my taste: paint those rear drums black and ditch the whitewalls.   


As for advice, I don't know about Texas, but many states will sell you cheaper license plates for historic/antique/collector cars, and insurance may also cost less. Keep Fiona on a no-salt diet: a Ford designer from the '60's once said,"If we'd known these cars were going to be around for 45 years, we'd have paid more attention to rust prevention."


If the Falcon doesn't have any already, get some kind of anti-theft device, if even as simple as "The Club." Any 1960s car can be stolen by an amateur in 30 seconds with a screwdriver and a piece of wire with an alligator clip on each end.


Ask the previous owner what kind of gasoline to use. It may need premium or even an octane booster. Also, ask him if it needs lead additives. 1960s cars used leaded gasoline, but the engine may be updated to run on unleaded.


[[It’s an updated engine, so unleaded is fine.  He also has it on synthetic oil.]]


Other than that, have fun. Maybe if I get the Mustang roadable I'll drive down some time and Heather and I can take turns doing burnouts in front of your house.


[[You’d better hurry…Heather is rather set now on selling it, as she doesn’t enjoy the drive so much as the look.  We got such a great deal on the vehicle via eBay that we can probably recover nearly all our cost, or even potentially more.  Either way it will be an inexpensive lesson.  Heather dreamt of something like this car, or an old Catalina or Chieftan, but she has learned she’d rather have a newer car with a retro-style body.]]


Andy York: Great news on the "new" car - I hope it works out for you both!  Never having bought a car in this manner, did the cost include delivery? If not, did you have to go to San Antonio (and for some reason failed to stop and say 'hi' on the way through Austin)?


[[We had it trucked up from San Antonio, which was only a couple hudred bucks.  Only if you want it completely enclosed door to door does it become expensive.]]


In your response to Mark Nelson, I think you meant "the literacy rate among inmates is quite LOW to begin with" not "High" (unless I'm missing something there).


[[I must have, unless I meant “the ILLITERACY rate among inmates is quite high to begin with.”  Either way I said the opposite of what I wanted, but it was such a glaring mistake the two or three people besides you who read it likely figured out what I meant.]]


Per Westling: You made a point of connecting the move of power from the states to the central government as a move towards fascism. I think that is a bit farfetched.  Looking up the definition of fascism on Wikipedia one can find:


"Fascism is a radical authoritarian nationalist political ideology. Fascists seek rejuvenation of their nation based on commitment to an organic national community where its individuals are united together as one people in national identity by suprapersonal connections of ancestry, culture, and blood through a totalitarian single-party state that seeks the mass mobilization of a nation through discipline, indoctrination, physical education, and eugenics. Fascism seeks to purify the nation of foreign influences that are deemed to be causing degeneration of the nation or of not fitting into the national culture."


Not quite the same...  So, will "we" go in this direction as the power of USA decreases?


[[I do not use Wikipedia as a source for definitions, and Fascism does not require removal of foreign influences.  In this modern example, Fascism is the centralization of power, and the removal of the checks and balances present in a political system such as the one the U.S. was founded on.  That’s where we are headed here.  Indoctrination?  Welcome to the U.S. education system.  The goal of the pseudo-Fascist is to have every individual dependent on the government.  Class warfare and the minimization of political platforms to undefined phrases, i.e. something like “Hope and Change,” are also effective tools.  This nation was built on checks and balances at the Federal level, and strong states’ rights.  Both are disappearing.  And I don’t see it changing regardless of which figurehead sits in the Oval Office.]]


Dick Martin: baseball - nobody picked the nats? boy are you all gonna be sorry!


i'd love to see "lord of light" by zelazny in movie form, the "real" starship troopers would be good too (i hated the film).


who is johan galtung? (sorry, i had to say that)


we owned a falcon when i was growing up - i think it was a 1962, blue :)


[[Want to buy this one?]]


Don Williams: Doug, what a cool car.  Good for Heather that she’s going to limit your drive time.  Back in 1965, my father bought a Ford Falcon convertible.  It was white with a red interior.  We lived in New Jersey at that time and he was stationed at McGuire AFB.  In ‘66 he got orders to California and was relocated to Norton AFB.  He was an NCO and didn’t merit moving pay so we made the trip from NJ to CA in that little compact car … my parents, me, two siblings (we were ages 8, 7 and 3 then) and a dog and a cat.  We picked up Route 66 in Chicago and followed the Mother road in that Falcon all the way through to San Bernardino.  (We even stopped for an hour in Amarillo, TX, so my parents could show me the house they lived in when I was born.)  That was a long and memorable trip, but that car tooled along just fine.  Within a year, he was again reposted, this time to Yokota AFB in Japan … and he sent that car over there, too!  Took forever to get there as it was shipped by boat.  Within a month of the Falcon’s arrival, we were caught in a scary-as-Hell hailstorm with the hail coming down so big and hard that it started tearing tiny holes in the convertible top, letting the rain in to add moisture to the terror.  (My mother and sister especially lost it.)  Dad eventually fixed the roof and he drove that Falcon on the left side of the road for the entire three years we lived there.  He sold it when we rotated back as we were headed to CA and he went on to Viet Nam for another year … that little Falcon wouldn’t have done him much good there.  Have fun with your new toy, Heather, and know that somewhere out there some guy my age may have similar fond memories of your new machine.


[[See above…she won’t be keeping it after all, unless nobody buys it that is.  Personally I’m fine with keeping it, but it’s hers.]]


Was listening to XM radio tonight and got stuck on POTUS.  They were talking about repealing the prohibition on drugs … on all drugs, because prohibition on illegal drugs has worked about as well as the prohibition on alcohol did 80 years ago.  The parallels are scary and abiding.  We have spent a lot of lives and treasure on the “War on Drugs” since said war was declared more than forty years ago, and the US is still the No. 1 Consumer nation of illegal drugs of all kinds.  I have tried to cultivate over the years a tolerance for mystery and ambiguity as they apply to some socio-political questions (abortion, the death penalty, Jim Burgess’ humanhood, etc.), and now my thoughts are again being stirred.  I hate when that happens.  Any thoughts you have on this would be appreciated.


[[In general, I favor making most drugs legal, but driving or flying or what have you under the influence being illegal.  Probably a good form of sin tax in there.  The war on drugs is and has always been a failure.]]



The Twisting Tale


This is a rotating story, with a different author every issue, and a chapter of 500 words.  If you’d like to participate, please email me and let me know, and I’ll let you know when your turn comes up.  We need more particpants!  Email me at if you’d like to participate!




Chapter 11 by Douglas Kent


His original plan was to grab Candidate #9 and get a sample from him before the local police caught up with their mistaken suspect for the murder of Candidate #1, Wilber Woode.  Waiting on the street for a cab, he checked his bag for the necessary equipment.  Syringe, scalpel, suture, gloves, ether; almost everything he needed was at hand. 


The one thing there didn’t seem to be was a cab.  Time was of the essence.  He started jogging up the sidewalk, looking for a busier intersection.  Traffic was congested but moving.  The local parking authorities were having some sort of confrontation with a morbidly obese woman over unpaid parking tickets, and between her now-booted SUV and their department van two of the four lanes were blocked.  Not a good sign, but he stopped anyway to look back into the jam.  Nope, only one taxi in sight and that one was occupied.


Taking a right, then crossing the street and a left, he continued to jog.  “Damn these new shoes” he thought to himself.  Every step was like a razor in the back on his ankle, and he could almost see the growing blisters on his toes.  Of course he hadn’t planned on participating in a marathon on this trip.  The heat wasn’t so bad, but like every clichéd tooth-decayed gas station attendant will tell you, it’s the humidity that gets ya.  And humid it was.  He could feel the sweat dripping down his back.


Stopping to catch his breath and wipe his brow, his cell phone rang.  The news wasn’t good.  The cops had found Candidate #9.  That wasn’t the bad news; his contact in the police force could easily get him access for long enough to grab a sample.  The bad news was the contact wanted to meet him at a seedy adult film theater.  That wasn’t the bad news either.  The bad news was the porno theater was across town, and he still couldn’t find a damn cab!


Across the street was a Carvel Ice Cream store.  His mouth was dry, but he started salivating at the thought of a delicious chocolate soft-serve cone.  There was no time for such tomfoolery, but just then he saw something: a young girl, about 10 or 11 years old, riding her bike on the sidewalk.  The hand-grips on the handlebars has multi-colored tassels hanging from them, like something out of his youth.  She stopped outside the store, leaned the bike against the wall, and went inside.


This was not going to be one of the high points in his career, but at this point he couldn’t see any other option.  Knives stabbing his feet, he ran across the street, weaving his way between the traffic until he reached the other side.  The girl was inside, obviously unable to decide between vanilla and chocolate.  “Well,” he thought to himself, “a kid too dumb to make a decision like that deserves to get her bike stolen.”


Swallowing his pride and a dry mouth of dust, he grabbed the bike and pedaled off on his way to the porno theater.  If his shoes were a poor choice for a job, they were worse for a bike ride…especially a bike make for someone a quarter of his age, and a girl at that.  With his legs twisted and bent, and the front wheel wobbling as he tried to pick up some speed, the last thing he heard as he made the corner was a young girl’s voice calling out “Mister, that’s my bike.  You stole my bike, you fucking cunt rag!”


Next up – Jim Burgess




A game of survival, bad breath, and fish odor…


This is the simple game of Lifeboat.  Everyone plays this, whether you participate or not.  Each turn everyone still alive in the lifeboat may make a single vote to throw someone off the lifeboat, or a single vote to remove one vote from yourself (a defensive measure).  The high vote getter is thrown overboard, as well as any player getting 2 or more net votes (due to the damage caused when Sanka was tossed overboard).  In a tie, everyone with that score is thrown over.  Last one in the boat wins.  I’ll probably give a prize, as usual.  Press is encouraged.  Note that the votes themselves are NOT revealed.  I just simply announce who is thrown overboard.  If you’re not listed as in the lifeboat right now but want to be, email me and I will add you next issue.  If you are listed and don’t’ want to be…well, too bad.  There is no suicide in this game; you just can ignore it if you want to. 


Currently in the lifeboat:


Allison Kent

Amber Smith

Brendan Whyte

Carol Kay

David Burgess

David Latimer

David McCrumb

Geoff Kemp

Graham Wilson

Hank Alme

Heather Taylor

Hugh Polley

Jeff O'Donnell

Jim Burgess

John Biehl

Kevin Tighe

Kevin Wilson

Lance Anderson

Marc Ellinger

Mark Firth

Martin Burgdorf

Melinda Holley

Michael Cronin

Michael Moulton

Pat Vogelsang

Paul Milewski

Per Westling

Robin ap Cynan

Tom Swider

William Wood

So long on the lifeboat….bobbing up and down, down and up, never ending….the sun is so hot…the water is sooooo cool and refreshing….it’s enough to make a desperate man jump overboard….wait we have a desperate man…Rick Desper…splash…chomp!!!  Then, when nobody is looking, Andy Lischett jumps overboard, screaming “FREE AT LAST!!!”


Thrown Into the Shark Infested Waters: Douglas Kent, Jack McHugh, Richard Walkerdine, Chris Babcock, Paraic Reddington, Sanka the Cat (safely made it to land), Andy York, Toby the Helpful Kitty (safely made it to land), Phil Murphy, Fred Wiedemeyer, Don Williams, Kayza the Dog (safely made it to land), Michael Quirk, Dane Maslen, Larry Cronin, Chuy Cronin, Richard Weiss. Tom Howell, Jeremie Lefrancois, Harley Jordan, Cal White, Andy Lischett, Rick Desper.




CAREFUL READERS to MR. LISCHETT: Well, if you REALLY want to go....


ESI PLAYERS to DEADWOOD IN THE BOAT: How about if we start voting by ESI, and vote off those with the lowest ESIs?  WIlliam Wood looks like he would be up next....


Howell to Jim-Bob Man:  That mean you're jumping in on your own violation?


Nerd to Andy Lischett: As you wish...


Andy Lischett: Thank you, fine shipmates, for granting my wish. Carol, tell the poos that... Aiiieaai!! I'm being savagely attacked by a rare Siberian Blue Tiger Shark!! Aiiieee!!!


DUCK to FLOATER:  Gee, pal, I dunno … I was gonna slowly float off to some other nicer part of the zine (like that new game start, Jerusalem, for example), but then you started squawking.  And ol’ Andy Lischett is now talking about getting tossed and I was wondering if Big Bird knew how to float, too.


DUCKMAN to JIM-BOOB:  If you’re going to start hangin around here and bothering decent folk, pal, I may have to give up the floating and go for the sinking.  I’m not sayion’ some things are worse than drownin’, pal … but I have known you for more than three decades and a duck can only take so much birdbrain damage …


SOCRATES to DUCKMAN:  Say, pal, where do you get off stealin’ my press voice?  I ain’t been around and all since before Al Gore invented the internet, but a patent’s a patent … 


DUCKMAN to BURGESS, LISCHETT:  What the Hell … if they recycle the Three Stooges, Dirty Dancing and Mission Impossible, for chrissakes, then they can certainly listen to Socrates again.


JERUSALEM to LIFEBOATERS:  You want to see press?  I’ll show you press.  Five pages of press between the players and the GM including name-calling, obscure literary and cultural allusions, and a questioning of at least one person’s orientation (or was it musical taste? … it involves the New Kids on the Block, so you decide), and the game hasn’t even started.  My name is Sara Reichert and I’m inviting you, you, and you (yes, you, Andy), to come on over and help us put Doug and ES out of business by generating a press war in the streets pages of Jerusalem.  We’ll even invite Jim-Boob to try his brand of press poison … bring your Dramamine and Pepto!


Bouybolink to All: I plan to vote off everyone on board who has even remotely pissed me off in a Dip Game (so far the plan is succeeding).


Deadline for your vote and any press is May 29th at 7:00am my time



Eternal Sunshine Index – ESI

A Scientific Measure of Zine Health

Current Index: 50.39 +2.18%



The Eternal Sunshine Index is a stock-market-like index of the zine. You don’t do anything in this game, except write press or commentary on price movements (or why you think your stock should have gone up or down).  I move the prices beginning with next issue based on my own private formula of quantity and quality zine participation (NMR’s, press, columns, etc.).  Any new zine participants become new issues valued at at 50, but the stock for anyone who disappears will remain listed.  The average of all listed stocks will result in the ESI closing value each month, which will be charted issue to issue after we have a few months’ worth of data.  If you don’t like the stock symbol I have assigned you, you may petition the exchange to change it.  Blame Phil Murphy for suggesting this section to me.


Market Commentary: Quality articles, a lack of NMR’s, decent letters, lots of Hypothetical participation, and The Abyssinian Prince helped the market move strongly higher, now over 50 again.  Will it continue?  That’s all up to YOU.



AJK - Allison Kent



ALM - Hank Alme



AMB - Amber Smith



AND - Lance Anderson



BAB - Chris Babcock



BIE - John Biehl



BRG - Martin Burgdorf



BWD - Brad Wilson



CAK - Andy Lischett



CAL - Cal White



CHC - Chuy Cronin



CIA - Tom Swider



CKW - Kevin Wilson



CKY - Carol Kay



DAN - Dane Maslen



DBG - David Burgess



DTC - Brendan Whyte



DUK - Don Williams



FRD - Fred Wiedemeyer



FRG - Jeremie Lefrancois



FRT - Mark Firth



GRA - Graham Wilson



HDT - Heather Taylor



HLJ - Harley Jordan



HPL - Hugh Polley



JOD - Jeff O'Donnell



KMP - Geoff Kemp



KVT - Kevin Tighe



LAT - David Latimer



LCR - Larry Cronin



MRK - Mark Nelson



MCC - David McCrumb



MCR - Michael Cronin



MIM - Michael Moulton



MRC - Marc Ellinger



OTS - Tom Howell



PER - Per Westling



PJM - Phil Murphy



QUI - Michael Quirk



RAC - Robin ap Cynan



RDP - Rick Desper



REB - Melinda Holley



RED - Paraic Reddington



RWE - Richard Weiss



SAK - Jack McHugh



TAP - Jim Burgess



VOG - Pat Vogelsang



WAY - W. Andrew York



WLK - Richard Walkerdine



WWW - William Wood



YLP - Paul Milewski







Brain Farts: The Only Subsubzine With It’s Own Fragrance

By Jack “Flapjack” McHugh –

(or just email Doug and he’ll send it to me)

Issue #42




I got laid off, again, on April 20th…the day after my fucking birthday.  So you’re lucky I’m doing this crap at all.  I had a feeling this was coming, and I should have taken a different job about two weeks ago.  The only reason I didn’t is I computed that with travel costs I’d make about the same or slightly less.  Well, next time I’ll listen to that voice…and the one that says to hate all of you bastards.  If you’ve got a lead on a job in the Philadelphia/Camden area, let me know.  Or if you want to donate money to the “Keep Jack Eating and Alive” fund, that’s fine.  Otherwise, shut your mouth and leave me the hell alone.





I went to the V.A. the other day and found out I have been assigned a new doctor, Col. Gladys Pitts, M.D.; U.S. Army Medical Corps (ret). 



Her specialties include men’s ailments, geriatric issues, and dietary disorders specialist.



I was embarrassed but she said, "Don't worry, I'm a professional.  I've seen it all before. Just tell me what's wrong and I'll check it out.”



So I swallowed my pride and I said, "my wife thinks my pecker tastes funny."









A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees  that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's with the money in the jar?"


"Well... you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Lexus."


The man certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks,  "What are the three tests?"


"You gotta pay first," says the bartender, "those are the rules."


So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender $10 which he stuffs into the jar.

"Okay," says the bartender, "here's what you need to do:


First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila, in 60 seconds or less, and you  can't make a face while doing it."


"Second - There's a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth.  You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands."


"Third - There's a 90-year old lady upstairs who's never had sex.  You have to take care of that problem."


The man is stunned!  "I know I paid my $10 -- but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it!  You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila and then do all those other things!"


"Your call," says the bartender, "but, your money stays where it is."


As time goes on, the man has a few more drinks and finally says, "Where's the damn tequila?!"


He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast  as he can. Tears stream down both cheeks -- but he doesn't make a face -- and he drinks it in 58 seconds!


Next, he staggers out the back door where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole. Soon, the people inside the bar hear loud growling, screaming, and sounds of a terrible fight -- then nothing but silence!


Just when they think that the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar.  His clothes are ripped to shreds and he's bleeding from bites and gashes all over his body.  He drunkenly says, "Now....where's that old woman with the bad tooth?"


The Best Christmas Card I Got This Year:







by Richard Walkerdine


April 2012 is the thirtieth anniversary of the Argentine invasion of the Falkland Islands, so I thought it might be appropriate to write an article on the events in the South Atlantic in 1982. I should warn the readers that this is a good bit more serious than my usual stuff.


Let us begin with the historical perspective. The Falklands were an uninhabited group of islands in the South Atlantic some 250 miles off the coast of South America. There is some doubt as to whether Argentina or Chile is closest to them but as they are well outside internationally agreed territorial waters it really makes no difference.

In 1833 Britain claimed them and some years later the first settlers arrived, mostly sheep farmers. A community was established and the town of Port Stanley was begun on East Falkland, which remains the capital to this day.


On April 2nd 1982 Argentina invaded, not just the Falklands but also the small island of South Georgia some hundreds of miles to the south east which had previously been a whaling station and was also British owned.


There was intense diplomatic activity which resulted, on April 4th, in United Nations Security Resolution 502 being passed requiring Argentina to withdraw their forces and negotiate a settlement with the United Kingdom. On the same day the nuclear powered submarine HMS Conqueror set sail and the following day the aircraft carriers HMS Invincible and HMS Hermes also set sail, accompanied by several escort vessels. The cruise liner SS Canberra was requisitioned and left Southampton on April 9th carrying 3 Commando Brigade. It was a very quick response, just in case the diplomacy didn’t work.


To be fair the international diplomatic activity was intense, and largely led by the USA and the United Nations, but it was clearly getting nowhere. The cruise liner RMS Queen Elizabeth 2 was requisitioned and left Southampton on May 12th carrying the 5th Infantry Brigade. The Task Force was forming and would eventually consist of 43 Royal Navy vessels, 22 Royal Fleet Auxiliary ships and 62 merchant ships carrying both troops and supplies.


The British aircraft carriers had a total of 42 Harrier vertical take-off fighters.


 But intelligence suggested that Argentina had around 120 fighter jets including a large number of supersonic Mirage jets which had double the speed of the Harrier. The US military advice at the time was that there was no way to reclaim the Falklands by military means. But the British government had other ideas.


At the time I was working at the British Aerospace factory in Kingston, Surrey, which is where the Harriers were built. The whole of the workforce (and certainly me) had a huge interest in what was to happen several thousand miles south.


As the task force proceeded to the South Atlantic the British Government announced a Total Exclusion Zone. Any Argentine forces or military equipment within 200 miles of the Falklands would be considered a legitimate military target and be attacked. In the early 1980s the most popular movies were the ‘Star Wars’ trilogy and at some point a sailor put up a card on the notice board in the officer’s mess of HMS Invincible which read ‘The Empire Strikes Back’. I liked that.


The first military action took place on April 25th when British forces regained South Georgia. The Argentine submarine Santa Fe was spotted and attacked by helicopters from HMS Antrim, Plymouth and Brilliant. It was damaged badly enough to prevent it diving and the crew abandoned it. One Argentine sailor lost his life and the rest were taken prisoner. The remaining Argentine forces surrendered and the island was again British territory. The British commander sent a radio message to the government in London which was based on an old naval phrase dating back to the days of Admiral Lord Nelson: “Be pleased to inform Her Majesty that the White Ensign and the Union Jack once more fly over South Georgia. God save the Queen.” It was very well received.


Then it was off to the Falklands themselves. The first attack by Harrier jets on the airfield at Port Stanley took place on May 1st and there is a wonderful quote by a BBC commentator on board HMS Invincible: “The military authorities will not allow me to tell you how many Harriers took part in the raid, but I counted them all out and I counted them all back in.” BBC reporting at its finest.


On the same day a Vulcan bomber was sent to bomb the Port Stanley airstrip. For those of you not familiar with British military history I should tell you that in the late 1950s we developed three jet bombers designed to carry our nuclear bombs, they were the Valiant, the Victor and the Vulcan, collectively known as the V-bombers. By 1982 the nuclear deterrent had become the responsibility of the Royal Navy with Polaris missiles (now Trident missiles) in its submarines. The Valiant had been taken out of service due to serious cracks in its wings spars, the Victors had been converted to aerial refuelling tanker aircraft and the Vulcans then had the role of low level bombers carrying conventional weapons.


A single Vulcan was sent to bomb the Port Stanley airfield, but of course it didn’t have sufficient range and so Victor tankers were needed to refuel it on its way. But the Victors didn’t have enough range either, so the tanker aircraft had to refuel each other and then refuel the Vulcan, and then do the same on the return leg. It was a logistical nightmare but it was done. Although it has never been officially announced it is estimated that 15 Victor tankers were needed to get that one Vulcan bomber to Port Stanley and back. But at a total distance of 8,000 miles it remains to this day the longest bombing raid in history.


In military terms the bombing raid didn’t achieve very much as the bomb craters were repaired within a few days. But it made the Argentine commanders realise that we could potentially strike anywhere at any time, and the boost to the morale of the British forces (and indeed the British public) was immense.


HMS Conqueror had been tracking the Argentine cruiser Belgrano for several days. On May 2nd the captain received permission from London to attack it. Two torpedoes were launched and the ship sank with the loss of some 250 Argentine sailors (although another 700 were rescued by Task Force ships and later repatriated). There are some critics that claim the Belgrano was actually sailing away from the Falklands at the time but there is no doubt that it was within the Total Exclusion Zone and therefore a legitimate target. The result was that all Argentine naval vessels returned to their ports in Argentina and took no further part in the conflict.


The Task Force made their initial landings in San Carlos Water in West Falkland on May 21st under intense bombardment from the Argentine fighter jets. Several ships were sunk from the Argentine Exocet missiles and others seriously damaged, with considerable loss of life, but the bridgehead was established.


By then the Harrier pilots had developed a new tactic. When an Argentine Mirage was on their tail they simply stopped in mid air, the Mirage of course flew past them at high speed and was now in the Harrier pilot’s sights. He fired his missiles and goodbye Mirage. The final count was something like Harriers lost zero, Mirages lost between 15 and 20. We were well pleased at Kingston.


But although the British forces now had a base on West Falkland they needed to get to East Falkland and confront the Argentines around Port Stanley. The British commander got his officers to telephone all known settlements on East Falkland but most of the telephone wires had been cut. But then they made contact with a farm which had one of the few remaining telephone lines. The farmer’s daughter (a girl of 11 or 12) answered. “Oh hello,” said the British commander, “can I speak to your father?”



“Daddy,” she called, “there’s a posh sounding man on the phone speaking English.”


Her father took the phone. “Hello,” said the British commander, “I am the commander of the British forces. Are there any Argies in your area?”


“No,” replied the farmer, “a patrol went past two days ago but we’ve seen nothing since.”


“Excellent news,” came the reply, “expect a visit very soon.”


Half an hour later a big Chinook helicopter landed in the farm yard and around twenty marines jumped out and took defensive positions. The forward base on East Falkland had been established.


As an aside the young girl who answered the phone call is of course now a woman in her 40s. She lives in Port Stanley and runs a small shop. On the counter of the shop is the old rotary phone on which she took that call, just as a memento.


The British forces slowly progressed towards Port Stanley, with many lives lost on both sides. But on June 10th the British soldiers set off on a 20 mile run in full military gear (known as ‘yomping’ in the British army) to close on their objective.

 The Argentines were taken completely by surprise and by June 11th the high ground around Port Stanley had been taken. More fighting took place but on June 14th the Argentine commander surrendered. The islands were once again British.


The total cost of lives lost were 255 British and 649 Argentinian, plus many more injured. But it was the last time my country would ever fight against another on its own and (although some of you won’t thank me for writing this) I could not be more proud.


One footnote.

It is called a ‘conflict’ and not a ’war’ because we never declared war on Argentina as we never intended to strike the Argentine mainland. We were simply retaking the islands which had been invaded.











Where in the World is Kendo Nagasaki?


Rules in ES #58.  Send in your guesses.  I’ve played this in Brandon Whyte’s Damn the Consequences a few times and it’s fun, takes only a minute or two each turn, and helps you work your brain!  As soon as this one ends, a new one will begin.




Brendan Whyte:

Kendo Nagasaki in Nagasaki


Richard Walkerdine:

Barack Obama in Nagasaki


Kevin Wilson:

Cristina Fernández de Kirchner in Chicago


Tom Howell:

Brendan Whyte in Canberra, Australia


Andy Lischett:

Tom Jones in Kansas City, Missouri


Jack McHugh:

Bill Clinton in New York City


Michael Moulton:

Brad Pitt in London, England


Dave McCrumb:

Tony Stewart in Charlotte, NC


Rick Desper:

Neil Gaiman in Stuttgart, Germany



Martin Burgdorf:

Lady Gaga in Hanoi


Richard Weiss:

Steve Jobs in Nagasaki


Paraic Reddington:

Donald Trump in Lagos, Nigeria


Jim Burgess:

Robert Downey, Jr. in Kandahar, Afghanistan


Kevin Tighe:

John Cleese in Rio de Janeiro


Mark Firth:

“Bishop” from Alien in Hanoi


Per Westling:

Barack Obama in Cairo


Robin ap Cynan:

JK Rowling in Edinburgh


Clue to Person with the Closest Guess (Notified by email): I was born about a century before you.




Jack McHugh:


Sigmund Freud in Beijing


Brendan Whyte:


Oscar Wilde in Oslo


Paraic Reddington:


Queen Victoria in London


Andy Lischett:


Tess D’Urberville in Chicago


Tom Howell:


T. Woodrow Wilson in Shanghai


Richard Walkerdine:


Abraham Lincoln in New York City


Robin ap Cynan:


Orson Welles in Vienna


Richard Weiss:


Herbert Hoover in Cape Town


Jim Burgess:


Benjamin Disraeli in Bloomsbury, England


Martin Burgdorf:


Albert Einstein in Pasadena, California


Michael Moulton:


Abraham Lincoln in Dublin


Dave McCrumb:


Sam Clemmons in Hartford, CT





Kevin Tighe:


Otto von Bismarck in Berlin


Mark Firth:


Abraham Lincoln in Bujumbura


Kevin Wilson:


Mark Twain in Lisbon


Clue to Person with the Closest Guess (Notified by email): We were born during the same century, but not on the same continent.




Andy Lischett:


Greta Garbo in Philadelphia


Brendan Whyte:


Homer in Athens


Rick Desper:


Terry Pratchett in Heidelberg, Germany


Richard Walkerdine:


Lord Randolph Churchill (father of Sir Winston) in London.


Kevin Wilson:


Neville Chamberlain in Barcelona


Tom Howell:


Theodore Roosevelt in Paris


Paraic Reddington:


Chairman Mao in Sao Paolo


Martin Burgdorf:


Louis Armstrong in Chicago


Richard Weiss:


Alexander Graham Bell in Rio de Janeiro


Michael Moulton:


Grover Cleveland in Birmingham, England


Dave McCrumb:


Queen Victoria in London


Jack McHugh:


Charles Dickens in Panama City


Jim Burgess:


Teddy Roosevelt in Buenos Aires


Mark Firth:


John Elway in Frankfurt



Clue to Person with the Closest Guess (Notified by email): Some blame you in part for what happened to my place of birth.




Brendan Whyte:


Mahatma Gandhi in New Delhi


Richard Walkerdine:


Dwight Eisenhower in Washington DC.




Tom Howell:


Anton Dvorak in Casablanca



Dave McCrumb:


Harry Truman in Lamar, Missouri



Martin Burgdorf:


Herbert Wehner in Dresden, Germany


Rick Desper:


Frankz Kafka in Lisbon



Andy Lischett:


Juan Manuel Fangio in Seville, Spain


Richard Weiss:


Albert Nobel in White Sands, New Mexico



Michael Moulton:


Gandhi in Bristol, England


Kevin Wilson:


Sigmund Freud in Madrid


Jim Burgess:


Che Guevara in Rosario, Argentina


Paraic Reddington:


Adolf Hitler in Berlin


Clue to Person with the Closest Guess (Notified by email): I died at about the same time as you began your career.




Andy Lischett:


Marie Curie in Gibraltar


Dave McCrumb:


Doug Kent in Mesquite, Texas


Kevin Wilson:


Sigmund Freud in Gibraltar


Michael Moulton:


Abraham Lincoln in Madrid


Tom Howell:


Sigmund Freud in Gibraltar


Brendan Whyte:


Pope Benedict in Rome


Richard Walkerdine:


Queen Elizabeth the Queen Mother in Kensington Palace.


Rick Desper:


Prince Metternich in Gibraltar


Martin Burgdorf:


Sir Henry Parkes in Coventry


Jim Biehl:


Winston Churchill in Woodstock


Jack McHugh:


Leo Tolstoy in Singapore


Paraic Reddington:


Eva Peron in Buenos Aires


Richard Weiss:


Oscar Ferdinand Meyer in Seville Spain


Jim Burgess:


Antoni Gaudi in Barcelona, Spain



Clue to Person with the Closest Guess (Notified by email): One of you knows who I am, but nobody has discovered precisely where.




Tom Howell:


Marie Curie in Granada, Spain


Richard Weiss:


Sigmund Freud in Tangiers


Kevin Wilson:


Marie Curie in Marbella, Spain


Richard Walkerdine:


Mahatma Gandhi in Durban


Paraic Reddington:


Winston Churchill in Santa Fe, New Mexico


Andy Lischett:


Marie Curie in Tangiers


Brendan Whyte:


Joanna Lumley in Thimphu




David McCrumb:


Sharyn McCrumb in Boone, NC


Michael Moulton:


Abraham Lincoln in Normandy, France


Jack McHugh:


Napoleon Bonaparte in Auckland, NZ


Jim Burgess:


Winston Churchill in Timbuktu


Martin Burgdorf:


Winston Churchill in Manchester, England


Mark Firth:


Sigmund Freud in Marrakesh


Rick Desper:  


Sigmund Freud in Cadiz, Spain


Clue to Person with the Closest Guess (Notified by email): You have discovered my location, now just determine which of the other players have identified me accurately and you’ll have me.


Deadline for Round 6 is May 29th at 7:00am My Time











by Paul Milewski


I finished reading Nathaniel’s Nutmeg by Giles Milton, a history of the spice trade with the “East Indies” (specifically, the islands that today we call Indonesia) and the competition between the English and the Dutch, with the focus on nutmeg.  Of great importance to the story is the torture of English prisoners by the Dutch to extract confessions.  “An account of the proceedings was published in a 1624 pamphlet entitled A True Relation of the Unjust, Cruel, and Barbarous Proceedings against the English at Amboyna.  With no detail of the tortures left to the imagination, this grisly account  became a bestseller in England and ran into dozens of editions, with reprints still being made forty years after the event.  Such was its effect on the English public that many clamored for war against the Dutch.”  [I have tried to modernize the spellings.]


“John Beomont and Timothy Johnson were the first to be called before the fiscal [a Dutch official].  While Johnson was led into the torture chamber, the trembling Beomont was left standing outside, guarded by soldiers.  This refinement of cruelty allowed him to hear his friend being tortured before being cast into the chamber himself.  He did not have to wait long before the fiscal set to work upon Johnson.  Beomont heard him ‘cry out very pitifully, then to be quiet for a little while, then loud again.’  After a ‘taste of the torture,’ Johnson was released for a moment while Abel Price was wheeled in and forced to accuse him.  ‘But Johnson not yet confessing anything,’ runs the report, ‘Price was quickly carried out and Johnson brought again to the torture where Beomont heard him sometime cry aloud, then quiet again, then roar afresh.  At last, after he had been an hour in this second examination, he was brought forth wailing and lamenting, all wet, and cruelly burned in diverse parts of his body.’


“The following day was a Sunday.  After a longer than usual service at the castle chapel attended by van Speult and his gang of interrogators, the tortures continued.”  One prisoner said “they should do him a great favor to tell him what they would have him say, and he would speak it to avoid the torture.”  After a while, “even the torturers were shocked when they heard the fiscal put such leading words into Collins’ mouth and ‘one that stood by said to the fiscal, ‘Do not tell him what he should say but let him speak for himself.’’”


In one case, “there was a brief discussion as to whether they should continue the torture.  All agreed that it was necessary, whereupon ‘they hoisted him again as before, and then burned him with lighted candles on the bottom of his feet until the fat dropped out of the candles; yet then they applied fresh lights to him.  They burned him also under the elbows, in the palms of his hands, likewise under the armpits, until his insides might be seen.’”


In the end, “Towerson was condemned to be decapitated and quartered and his head to be suspended from a post as a warning to others.  The rest of the men were to be spared the quartering; they would simply be decapitated.”  During the night before their executions, they “asked for ink and sat quietly writing their final protestations of innocence.  One of these, bearing Samuel Coulson’s signature, is inscribed into his copy of the Psalms of David which eventually found its way back to Europe.  Written on 5 March 1623, it begins:


“Understand that I, Samuel Coulson, the late factor of Hitto, was apprehended for suspicion of conspiracy; and for anything I know must die for it: wherefore having no means to make my innocence known have written in this book, hoping some good Englishman will see it.  I do here swear upon my salvation, as I do hope by His death and passion to have redemption for my sins, that I am clear of all such conspiracy: neither do I know any Englishman guilty thereof, nor other creature in the word.  As this is true, God bless me—Samuel Coulson.”


Years later, English ships crossed the Atlantic and seized the Dutch-held territory of New Netherland.  “This brazen act of aggression was justified as being in response to the ‘inhuman proceedings’ at Amboyna four decades previously.”


Article 3 of the 1667 treaty that ended the long hostilities between England and Holland, the Treaty of Breda, provided that “both parties shall keep and possess hereafter, with plenary right of sovereignty, propriety, and possession, all such lands, islands, cities, forts, places, and colonies… [as] they have by force of arms, or any other way whatsoever, gotten and detained from the other party.”  The Dutch having driven the English out of Indonesia, Indonesia went to the Dutch.  The English having seized New Amsterdam (New York), New York went to England.


















April 8, 2012

Jim Burgess, 664 Smith Street, Providence, RI 02908-4327 USA, (401)351-0287, jfburgess of

E-MAIL/WEB ONLY ISSUE! PDF will be available on the website. Join the tidal wave of Dippers going to World DipCon in Chicago in August, we can overwhelm Shark Chum with 330 warm bodies!

Web Page Address:

Some of you are still not on the E-Mail list for this szine, I keep trying to sign you up, please accept the offer! I am being a bit more systematic about that right now. I am going ahead and finishing all the games here, and then we'll see what happens.


This issue establishes the continuation of the szine/subszine inversion. As most of you know, this thing began as a ßubszine" to Terry Tallman's North Sealth, West George, then became its own szine with a host of subszines. The subszines remaining will appear as sub-subszines to our new flipflopped home in Doug Kent's Eternal Sunshine. Doug will keep us on schedule so we will charge forward and finish the remaining games that I have in here. After that, we'll see how it goes and what I do next. I'd like to keep writing and doing some game GMing. You all should see first what I actually do.


For production, in addition to the HTML's of each separate product on the web page, I will also have a PDF that you can print of the entire subszine (including my famous handdrawn maps!). You can just print the maps if you like, but remember maps are for pikers anyway, you don't need no steenkin' maps, keep them up in your head where they belong. I don't think there are very many people I owe money, but if you think I owe you money, just ask and I will pay. ONE GROUP that is definitely owed money is the players with NMR insurance. NMR insurance still continues, I will still call you for it, and when your game ends, I will refund the money.


I have now tried to sign up all the players, some multiple times, but please check. THIS IS A PROBLEM, sign up now if you're playing so you get proper notification!!! General information about the mailing list is at:


You can sign up from there, or send E-Mails to: Tap-request of; with the word `help' in the subject or body (don't include the quotes), and you will get back a message with instructions. You must know your password to change your options (including changing the password, itself) or to unsubscribe.



((Let's keep talking about FTF tournament diplomacy! Note below my write up for the recently held TempleCon 2012. The website for the Convention itself is Looking beyond that World DipCon is fast approaching in August, I'm about to put a real hard full-court press on getting every single one of you reading this to come. Why not? E-Mail me with your excuse and I'll shred it. The convention is in beautiful downtown Chicago and has five rounds beginning first thing Friday morning, August 10th and ending on August 12th. Find more information at: or contact Jim O'Kelley (aka Shark Chum) and come meet me and maybe you'll see my "Alice" T-Shirt coming out of the closet... let's especially get some of the old crowd to come join us, there remains a rumor that Pete Gaughan might show up.))

((For these and other upcoming cons around the world:



Marc Ellinger (March 4)

NL (Real Baseball): East – Phillies; Central – Cardinals; West – Giants; WC – Brewers, Braves

WC Game – Brewers win

NLDS – Cardinals (over Giants), Phillies (over Brewers)

NLCS – Cardinals in 6

AL (Baseball Lite): East – Yankees; Central – Twins; West – Rangers; WC – Rays, Angels

WC Game – Angels win

ALDS – Angels (over Yankees); Rangers (over Twins)

ALCS – Angels in 7

World Series – Cardinals in 5 (Albert comes back to St. Louis and loses!!)

((Fascinating, Marc and I will have some interesting rooting interests if it develops this way... see below.))


We all know that Baseball is only played in the National League. No funny rules (DL) or teams that just purchase championships (Yankees), in the Senior Circuit baseball is still pure and very difficult.

NL East –- This is a two team division with the Phillies continuing to get better and the Braves sticking in second behind them. The Phillies are loaded, they have pitching and offense and no one in the East has the horsepower to stop them. The Braves just keep winning, people leave, people come, Braves still win. They just aren't as dominant as before. Figure the Phillies are the odds on favorite to go to the WS... but not so fast Phils.

NL Central -– Is becoming a 2 team division also. The Astros just don’t have any juice left and the Cubs are the Cubs. (See you next year!) Reds can be dangerous, but not in the league as the Cardinals and Brewers. The Cardinals have the starting pitching and good offense as do the Brewers. It'll be a dogfight just like last year, but chalk it up to El Birdo's... they know how to win Championships... the Brewers are still learning.

NL West –- The Dodgers are a mess (bankruptcy does that!) The Rockies and D-Backs are rebuilding and the Padres are in flux. Only the Giants are real... they win the division.

WC Game –- Brewers over the Braves in a great game.

NLDS –- The Cardinals host the Giants have win in a quick 4 game series. The Phillies and Brewers fight it out to the end. The Phils win on the last pitch of game 5.

NLCS -– Another classic. Back and forth games, but the Cardinals eke it out in Games 5 (home) and 6 (in Philly) to return to the WS. Phillies fans call for Charlie Manuel's head on a cheesesteak sandwich.

AL East –- Yankees pay for another $200M division championship. Ho hum. The Rays end up a distant second... the Red Sox continue their fall from grace.

AL Central –- Terrible division in a poor league. Flip a coin... Two heads come up... must be the Twins.

AL West –- Rangers and Angels will fight it out all season. Albert Pujols hits 42 homers but it's not enough and the Rangers win the division.

WC -– Angels pound the Rays.

ALDS -– Angels play long ball with the Yankees and out hit them. El Hombre shows that he still has a few good years left in him (but not 10 of them!) Rangers sweep the Twins, period.

ALCS -– What a great series the Rangers get up early and the Angels come storming back. In Game 7 a bunt scores Alberto, who was intentionally walked in the 9th, and the Angels go to the series.

WS –- Angels/Cardinals. Albert against his old team. Put up the 12th Pennant for the Cardinals... Albert strikes out to end the series as Wainwright throws a 1 hit game 5.

Marc, mellinger of

((Now for a different view regarding the relative strengths of the two leagues.))

Warren Goesle (Wed, 4 Apr 2012 10:13:44 -0500)

Creeping up on us like an old pair of Jim-Bob's underwear: IT'S BASEBALL SEASON!!!!!!

There has been a sea change in the landscape since last year, and it's not just because of the new playoff format. While the AL has been better than the NL overall for several years now, I don't think it's ever been this pronounced. Anyone over .500 might get a playoff spot in the NL. Anyone under .500 in the AL may get relegated to AAA. On with the show...

NL West: Giants, Diamondbacks (WC1), Rockies, Dodgers, Padres. I had to toss a coin between the top 2, but I'm happy with the call. The Rockies look competitive, but that means 81-81. Dodgers not so much.

NL Central: Goz prediction: this division will set the record for most combined losses ever, including the years where there were 7 teams per division. While I will pick Milwaukee to win with 85 wins, that's pretty close to being under .500. Before anyone complains about someone being under .500 and making the playoffs, remember that there might only be 4 teams in the league *over* .500. Over/under on the number of games that Votto plays for the Reds this year: 96. Brewers, Cards, Cubs, Reds, Pirates, Astros. The bottom 2 lose a combined 210 games.

NL East: Slightly better overall than recently, but that's damning with faint praise. Philly is the class of the NL, but might not make a playoff spot if they were in the AL. That said, it looks like a dogfight behind them, and the last 4 win from 75 to 84 games. Phillies, Braves (WC2) Marlins, Mets, Nats.

AL West: Big shift here. Angels and Rangers both win 100+, and might be the best two in the league. I'll say Angels, Rangers (WC1), Mariners, A's.

AL Central: Detroit is the easy call. Mediocrity after that. Tigers, Twins, White Sox, Indians, Royals.

AL East: One of the stranger lineups for this division in recent memory. I think the Yankees start slow and pick up enough speed to win the division, with Tampa Bay & Toronto fighting for the last WC. The big difference between the Red Sox and the Cubs is that the Cubs are *loveable* losers. The Red Sox won't even put the "fun" in "dysfunctional". Yankees, Rays (WC2), Blue Jays, Red Sox, Orioles.


NLWC: Wow. We get to guess a 1-game playoff 6 months' away. Arizona over Atlanta.

ALWC: Texas over Tampa Bay.

NLDS: Giants over Brewers 4-2. Phillies over Diamondbacks 4-3.

ALDS: Angels over Tigers 4-1. Rangers over Yankees 4-2.

NLCS: In an upset to make Jim-Bob happy, Giants over Phillies 4-3.

ALCS: Angels over Rangers 4-3.

WS: Angels sweep Giants 4-0.

All right gents, there's your jump-start for the year. Someone wake up Jim-Bob and get your own picks in.

Goz, Warren.Goesle of

((I got my actual PICKS in early, and they were published by Doug Kent already. I am writing this after Detroit sweeps the Red Sox in their first series and the Yankees seem to be having that slow start you predicted as well.))

Rick Desper (Wed, 4 Apr 2012 08:50:27)


So, after watching Papelbon walk out the door (a decision I agreed with) and converting Daniel Bard to a starter, the Sox went out and got a new closer, Andrew Bailey, who's already injured.

((Yup, and the Red Sox bullpen already is a mess...))

Anywho...I haven't kept up with baseball and I have no idea who's on any team any more. But why let that stop me?

NL West: Giants win the division. Is anybody else good? I don't know.

NL Central: where is the fat man now? Hmm...I guess I'll look this up. Oh that's right, he went to Detroit. Following in his father's very large footsteps. So, Fielder has left the Brewers and Pujols has left the Cardinals. The Cubs probably need a little time to get things in order. I'll randomly go for the Reds, since they kept their best player.

NL East: Phillies win the division easily.

Wild Cards: Well now I have to pick wild cards? I'll go with Brewers and D-Backs

AL West: Rangers win the division. Josh Hamilton falls off the wagon again, but the nation forgives him because it's ok to be a drug addict if you're white.

AL Central: Tigers win the central.

AL East: Yankees win the division with ease, because they have $1.50 to spend for $1.00 that their nearest competitor can spend.

Wild Cards: Angels and Red Sox


NL Wild Card: Brewers over D-Backs

ALWC: Red Sox over Angels

NLDS: Giants over Brewers, Phillies over Reds. I'm not going to pick the number of games. Picking the teams is silly enough at this point.

ALDS: Red Sox over Tigers. Rangers over Yankees

NLCS: Phillies over Giants

ALCS: Rangers over Red Sox

WS: Phillies over Rangers.

Other predictions: Prince Fielder puts on so much weight that he develops a gravitational field strong enough to have his personal moon. Derek Jeter hits .255 with an OPS of .635, and still makes the All-Star team because he's "a winner." Justin Verlander pitches two perfect games, but faces criticism because he doesn't have a World Series ring. WFAN listeners tell radio hosts that Pettite is better because he's "clutch." Stephen Strasburg goes 12-1 with a 1.34 ERA in the first half, driving Nats fans crazy as the team limps to a 25-56 first half. Then his arm falls off. Joe Morgan and Tim McCarver have an open feud about who has the most obscure stories to tell today's young listeners, who have no idea what they are talking about and do not recognize any of the players that they mention. McCarver wins when he brings up Warren Spahn. The Rays eat chicken and drink beer in the clubhouse all season long and nobody cares.

Rick, rick_desper of

((Way cool, Rick, I agree with all your other predictions. I did get my actual picks published before, but here is some more detail.))

AL East: Boston Red Sox, Tampa Bay Rays, New York Yankees, Toronto Blue Jays, Baltimore Orioles. This is the year that Toronto and Baltimore stay in the race much longer. The Yankees pitching falls apart at the beginning and end of the season, and they COULD slip even further, especially as Jeter gets slower and slower and slower, and A-Rod gets less and less "clutch" in his hitting. The Red Sox have a horrible start to the season (I was predicting that even before they actually did...) but then Bobby Valentine eventually shows that he can do more than invent wraps, build sports bars, do New York media shows while managing in Boston, make more commercials than any other individual sports person in America, and wipe his brow as he scowls at his team. Andrew Bailey WILL come back before the end of the season, just in time. And the Red Sox will start winning as soon as everyone dismisses them.

AL Central: Detroit Tigers win going away, they likely will win the most games in baseball. They also may score the most runs, and challenge the magic 1000 mark. Prince will gain weight, but still hit. Cleveland Indians, Minnesota Twins, Chicago White Sox, and Kansas City Royals bring up the rear, but beat each other up enough so that no one challenges for the wild card. Wins the challenge cup for most boring division in baseball.

AL West: The Angels from whatever city they're from have the best rotation in baseball and will show it throughout the season and playoffs. They will battle with the Texas Rangers, though, for the division all year and stay sharp, sharper than Detroit. Since everyone's finally forgotten the Seattle Mariners exist, they will be in a three way dogfight all season, but don't have the horses. The Oakland A's will start to wonder if Billy Beane is a genius any more.

Two Wild Cards: Texas Rangers and Tampa Bay Rays

NL East: I know it is a sacrilege, but I really don't pay much attention to the NL, except for my favorite team, the Giants. The Phillies either are seen as juggernauts or fatally flawed, I fall in the middle, they win the division, then make a charge and fall short just as they convince everyone they have something. Atlanta Braves, Florida Marlins, Washington Nationals, and New York Mets bring up the rear.

NL Central: St. Louis Cardinals, with Milwaukee Brewers VERY close behind. No one else matters much, but Cincinnati Reds, Chicago Cubs, Pittsburgh Pirates, and the truly horrid Houston Astros end up at the rear and go for 120 losses.

NL West: My San Francisco Giants have the best pitching and it will show over the season, the Colorado Rockies will surprise and finish second. Arizona Diamondbacks will fade at the end, the Los Angeles Dodgers will finish strong and no one will care what happens to the San Diego Padres.

Two WCs: Milwaukee, Colorado.

Playoffs: I go with Rick's new model, I might pick games when we get closer, but it is silly now. Rays win WC match. Boston Red Sox and Angels win the Division Series games, Angels go on to win AL. Milwaukee wins WC match in the NL. Then St. Louis and the Phillies win the Division Series games and the Phillies win the NL pennant. The Angels win the World Series with their brilliant pitching, but the World Series has stunning pitching and actually is worth watching.



I am continuing to note cut or failed support orders with a small "s" instead of a capital "S". This will make it easier on the E-Mailed version of the szine to see what happened, since the italics don't show there. The italics DO show on the web page just fine.

Standby lists:

Mike Barno, Dick Martin, Brad Wilson, Jack McHugh, Glenn Petroski, Steve Emmert, Mark Kinney, Vince Lutterbie, Eric Brosius, Paul Rauterberg, Bob Osuch, Doug Kent, Sean O'Donnell, Heath Gardner, Paul Kenny, and Jeff O'Donnell stand by for regular Diplomacy. Let me know if you want on or off these lists, especially OFF given the new policies.



I'm going to start the game opening list over. Under the new regime, who wants to play?

DIPLOMACY: First off, another regular Diplomacy game is open. Doug Kent and Brad Wilson are in, anyone else?

BREAKING AWAY: Also, a new Breaking Away game is open. Currently Andy York is on board. This is the game I really like running and want to start another one. It's easy, very low maintenance.


THE PHIL REYNOLDS MEMORIAL: 2006B, Regular Diplomacy


Summer 1906

AUSTRIA (Burgess): R f gol-TUS; has f NAP, a GAL, a PIE, a VIE,

a VEN, f TUS, a SER, a TYO, f TYH.

ENGLAND (James): has f NWG, f MID, f NWY, a BEL, f WES, f SWE.

FRANCE (Williams): has f NAF, a GAS, f GOL, a BUR.

GERMANY (Ellinger): has a SIL, a MUN, a BER, f DEN, a FIN.

ITALY (Crow): has f TUN, a MAR.

RUSSIA (Barno): has a WAR, a BOH, a STP, f BLA, a LVN, f ION, a RUM, f GOB.

Addresses of the Participants

AUSTRIA: David Burgess, 101 Laurel Lane, Queensbury, NY 12804

(518) 761-6687, burgesscd of or dburgess of

ENGLAND: Drew James, 3644 Whispering Woods Terrace, Baldwinsville, NY 13027

(315) 652-1956, kjames01 of or karelanddrew of

FRANCE: Don Williams, 27505 Artine Drive, Saugus, CA 91350, (661) 297-3947,

wllmsfmly of or dwilliams of ($5)

GERMANY: Marc Ellinger, 751 Turnberry Drive, Jefferson City, MO 65109

mellinger of

ITALY: John Crow, 946 S. Medalist Circle Plano, TX 75023-2851,

(214) 532-1418, johnny.crow of

RUSSIA: Mike Barno, 1071 Warren Road Apt 8 Ithaca, NY 14850, (607) 481-4526

mpbarno of

TURKEY: Fred Wiedemeyer, Box 92010-Meadowbrook RPO, Edmonton, ALBERTA

CANADA T6T 1N1, (780) 465-6432, wiedem of or wiedem of

Game Notes:

1) The IF RAGE draw is rejected.

2) There was lots of talk about draws and stalemate lines, and the like. But there were no new proposals, so we continue onward. Fall should be interesting, I'm going to try to go for the short deadline.


(BOOB LAMENTS): No follow up on all that great press from last time. Go back and look at it while getting Fall orders in, and send in lots more for fall!


SPIRALS OF PARANOIA: 2005A, Regular Diplomacy


Pre-Fall 1909

FRANCE (Jim Tretick for Buddy Tretick): has f ENG, a SPA, f WES, a BUR, f TYH, f NAF,

a MAR, f IRI.

GERMANY (Ozog for Tallman): has a MUN, f KIE, a TYO, a PIE, a BUD, a VIE, a TRI,

a ROM, f SKA, a VEN, a BEL, f NAO.

ITALY (Kent): has f ADR, a NAP, a BUL, a GRE.

RUSSIA (Sundstrom): has f SEV, a UKR, f BLA, a RUM, a ANK, a SYR, a ARM.

TURKEY (Lutterbie): has f SMY, f CON.

Addresses of the Participants

AUSTRIA: Paul Rauterberg, 3116 W. American Dr., Greenfield, WI 53221,

(414) 281-2339 (E-Mail) paul.rauterberg of

ENGLAND: Fred Wiedemeyer, Box 92010-Meadowbrook RPO, Edmonton, ALBERTA CANADA T6T 1N1,

(780) 465-6432, wiedem of or wiedem of

FRANCE: Buddy Tretick, 5023 Sewell's Pointe Way, Fredericksburg, VA 22407

FRANCE: Temporary Standby is Jim Tretick, jtretick of

GERMANY: Terry Tallman, PO Box 782, Clinton, WA 98236, (360) 331-5698 ($2)

terryt of

GERMANY: Temporary Standby is Eric Ozog, PO Box 1138, Granite Falls, WA 98252-1138,

(360) 691-4264, ElfEric of

ITALY: Doug Kent, 911 Irene Drive, Mesquite, TX 75149

dougray30 of

RUSSIA: Matt Sundstrom, 1760 Robincrest Lane South, Glenview, IL 60025, (847) 729-1882,

Matt.Sundstrom of or mattandzoe of

TURKEY: Vince Lutterbie, 1021 Stonehaven Ave Marshall, MO 65340-2837,

(660) 886-7354, melvin4852 of

Game Notes:

1) The FGR draw proposal was rejected again and is reproposed, please vote with your fall orders. Remember that if you aren't voting, you are vetoing the draw. I'm holding this game partly because I'm missing lots of orders, and partly because I want everyone to please vote on the draw, you can veto it, but most people have just not been voting.

2) We now have two medical replacements, as Buddy's son Jim (who some of us played with many years ago as James Alan) will be playing for Buddy as Eric is playing for Terry.


(BERLIN): Whoever is vetoing the F/G/R draw, please show yourself so we can eliminate you and end the game. The original surviving players (Iverson & Ozog) no longer wish to be subjected to this torture (well, I can't speak for Ken, but you get the idea).

(BOOB to ALL): Is Ken Iverson in this game? See how confused everyone is?? Anyway, I'm holding this and will more directly poll people on the FGR to see if we can get things clear. BUT, if someone is vetoing, I'm not telling who it is.


FLIP FLOP: 2003G, Regular Diplomacy


Fall 1913

AUSTRIA (Wilson): a PRU S ENGLISH a den-lvn.

ENGLAND (Kent): a yor-DEN, f NAO S f mid, f MID S FRENCH f spa(sc), f nwy-STP(NC), a den-LVN,

a sil s a pru-war (nso; d r:ber,otb), f NTH C a yor-den, f GOB S f nwy-stp(nc), f BAL C a den-lvn.

FRANCE (McHugh): a par-PIC, f NAF-wes, f MAR S f spa(sc), a MUN s a sil,

a BUR S a mun, f SPA(SC) S f naf-wes, a GAS S f mar.

GERMANY (Sundstrom): a stp h (d r:fin,otb).

TURKEY (Levinson): a bul-RUM, a arm-SEV, a con-BUL, f TUN S f wes-naf, a MOS S a war,

a TUS h, f TYH-wes, a WAR S a gal-sil, f WES-naf, a TYO-mun, f ION-tyh, f GOL S f tyh-wes,

a BOH S a tyo-mun, f PIE S f gol, a gal-SIL, a VIE-tyo.

Supply Center Chart

AUSTRIA (Wilson):






(has 8 or 9, bld 1(r:ber) or 2)




FRANCE (McHugh):


(has 7, even)


GERMANY (Sundstrom):




TURKEY (Levinson):


(has 16, bld 1)








Addresses of the Participants

AUSTRIA: Brad Wilson, 713 Tasker St. #1, Philadelphia, PA 19148-1237

bwdolphin146 of

ENGLAND: Doug Kent, 911 Irene Drive, Mesquite, TX 75149

dougray30 of

FRANCE: Jack McHugh, 810 School Lane, Folcroft, PA 19032, (856) 456-5984,

jwmchughjr of

GERMANY: Matt Sundstrom, 1760 Robincrest Lane South, Glenview, IL 60025, (847) 729-1882,

Matt.Sundstrom of or mattandzoe of

ITALY: Don Williams, 27505 Artine Drive, Saugus, CA 91350, (661) 297-3947,

wllmsfmly of or dwilliams of

RUSSIA: Sean O'Donnell, 1044 Wellfleet Drive, Grafton, OH 44044, (440) 926-0230,

sean_o_donnell of

TURKEY: Alexandre Levinson, Beeklaan 504, 2562BP Den Haag THE NETHERLANDS, don't need phone,

al of ($5)

Game Notes:

1) The host of draw proposals: FET, FATE, and FAE; all were rejected. Just an EFT draw is proposed now, which happens to be DIAS.

SECRETS: 1999D, Regular Diplomacy


Addresses of the Participants

ENGLAND: Doug Kent, 911 Irene Drive, Mesquite, TX 75149

dougray30 of

FRANCE: Roland Sasseville, Jr., 38 Bucklin Street, Pawtucket, RI 02861, (401) 481-4280 ($0)

rolands6 of

GERMANY: Mike Barno, 1071 Warren Road Apt 8 Ithaca, NY 14850, (607) 481-4526

mpbarno of

RUSSIA: Bob Osuch, 19137 Midland Avenue, Mokena, IL 60448, (708) 478-3885

ROsuch4082 of

TURKEY: Bruce Linsey, PO Box 234, Kinderhook, NY 12106

GonzoHQ of

Game Notes:

1) See Bruce's Endgame statement below. Remember, this game began in 1999, thirteen years ago!!! That will be it this issue for this game.


1999D (Secrets) Endgame Statement: Bruce Linsey (Turkey, standby)

I'm writing this mostly from memory, so considering the state thereof (and the fact that I was in the game for over a decade of real time!), it will be rather vague and hopefully fairly accurate in some places. I'm also copying the other surviving players, so that they can comment on this if they like. This was my final postal Diplomacy venture; I am now officially a retired old hobby fart. Here are a few miscellaneous recollections from this game.

I took over a strong Turkish position in 1906. The country had been allied with Russia, and I tried to continue that. I proceeded to finish off a helpless Italy and made an agreement with Mike Barno's one-center Germany that I'd let him survive till the end if he would cooperate with me. He kept the agreement beautifully and had lots of fun prancing around behind my front lines.

Unfortunately the Russian position seemed to be manned by a series of guys who kept corking off or otherwise vanishing, making lasting cooperation difficult.

The game came close to ending in, I think, the mid-1910s due to a stalemate line that never quite gelled. I recall that Jim-Bob kept emitting rumblings about there needing to be some sign of movement, which I kept trying desperately to provide without upsetting the precarious balance of power on the board. Someone kept proposing 4- and 5-way draws; I kept vetoing all game-ending proposals, including an eventual proposed concession to me, as I hungered for a board victory.

At the height of stalemania, I actually considered drawing back from the line and letting the other side break through, then trusting that my limited negotiational skills would succeed in breaking up the opposition while Turkey was still viable, all in the hope that I might get a second chance to weasel my way into an 18-center win. The obvious risk was that I wouldn't break them up, which would have led to my demise. Luckily, it never got to that point (my deliberately collapsing the line), but it was close.

Eventually I managed to persuade Russia to concentrate on England and leave me alone, in exchange for which I promised to make sure the game would end with him in second place. Then communication picked up with Roland's France, and I told him that as the game's only original player, he deserved to survive to the end, though I needed some of his supply centers for the win.

The going was slow, excruciatingly so at times, but I tried to play patiently, and negotiated hard and consistently. Bob Osuch took over Russia and was, I think, wary of me; but ultimately he and I did work well together. Once Russia finally finished off England, I was working with everyone on the board - sort of a 4-way alliance with no opposition. At that point, probably around 1920 or 21, I started to formulate a plan for how I'd like the game to finish.

My plan, which could have backfired in numerous ways, developed gradually. I marched painstakingly to 17 centers, as I gently requested just the right moves from the other players so that they'd be in position for the big moment. (A side note here: I was aware all along that if the three of them got together and cooperated against me, they could stop my win. But no one seemed to have enough enthusiasm for the game to pull off such a coup; and Mike and I had worked closely together for so long that I felt sure he'd stay loyal.) The biggest threat wasn't that they'd all turn on me, but that someone (possibly me!) would just carelessly screw up a move. I worked hard to ensure that didn't happen. I'm sure that Roland and Bob probably thought me a pest by game's end.

So with the help of three cooperative allies and a large dose of good fortune, I got the ending I wanted: an 18-center win on the same turn that three other powers each grabbed one of my home centers (France got SMY, Russia got ANK, and Germany got CON). Definitely a sweet way to wrap up my fun little stay in this hobby. I also have to add that not once did I stab or deceive anyone to get this result. Everyone in the game knew all along exactly what was going on, what I had promised to whom, and what I was building toward. With patient, steady negotiation, there's almost no limit to what one can accomplish.

It's fair to say that Turkey was the strongest power on the board when I took over, so most of the credit for the win has to go to the original player, whose name I don't recall ever knowing. Still, this was satisfying.

Thanks, Bob Mike and Roland. I enjoyed working with you all. And thank you, Jim-Bob, for running this game. Betcha didn't have any inkling what would happen when you let me in!

((Thanks, Bruce, for writing this detailed endgame statement. As you may or may not be aware, this outcome, conducted with negotiation rather than stabbing, is usually referred to as an "Edi Birsan solo", since Edi is one of the proponents of it as the ideal path to victory. It really takes "diplomacy" to pull it off. Since this game started in 1999, and ended in 2011, it was one of the longest games in time as well as game years in history. Thanks to all for participating!!!))



CAST NO SHADOWS: Breaking Away, Designer's Rules

Rules at:


Game Notes:

1) The rules are on the TAP website in the Tinamou section. Ask if you have any questions. Up above in parentheses is the card you played to get to where you are in the field. The replenishment card is the last card in your list. Be careful to note that the card you played (the one in parentheses) is not available for you, for next turn. Just for fun, I'm going to keep track of total replenishment, by turn, which is a rough measure of how the teams are doing. Of course, it is lining up to get across the sprint and final lines in the right places that really counts.

2) So far, Andy York is the only one interested in another game of this?? I'd like to get six again. I will note this for one more issue like this, before putting a call just at the front of the subszine.

LAST WORD: For the last word this time, I'm going to fill up pages with press from the game Iliad that was played in Europa Express near the end of EE's run. This game was distinctive since it had at least one player who at other times published and played under a pseudonym and another publisher who WAS playing under a pseudonym. If you think I'm going to tell you now which is which, you don't see the point of what I'm doing.

This first installment of my story appears in:, you can find other old EE's at Doug's oldzines site.

[THE BOOB LEAVES PROVIDENCE, BOUND FOR THE PROMISED LAND]-(Via Germany). The Boob visits his favorite crooked travel agent to seek the cheapest way to Memphis. The following exchange occurs.

"I'm sorry Mr. Boob, I can't get you to Memphis for less than $3,422.98 plus tax... round trip. " "But... but... but..., I can fly on Eastern night coach to Seattle for $98 out of Boston through Houston, how come it's so expensive to get to Memphis, the Boob pleads plaintively."

"Basically, because no one in the1r right mind wants to go anywhere near Memphis. People refuse to layover there for even five minutes," the agent sniggered.

"Elvis Presley's mansion is there," the Boob volunteered hesitantly.

"See? There, you go!" exclaimed the overage hipp1e exultantly.

"Hey, man, get serious. They've even got a real nice hotel to stay in with live ducks... real cute ones... that's where I want to stay!" asserted the Boob.

"Exactly! A hick town with a barnyard in the middle of the1r so-called luxury hotel. You think that's bad, don't even mention Little Rock, Arkansas. That would cost you a coup1e thou more!" the unflustered balding agent with his hair combed from the sideburn over the top of his head, flapped.

The Boob's intelligence really was insulted now! He stormed out of the agent's office screaming, "You are the worst travel agent in the universe. The longest trip you've ever booked is from ear to ear on Long Hairways!"

[Memphis to the Boob] Am y'all insultin' our glorious Peabody Hotel, where the ducks ride the elevator down to the lobby fountain to splash around, boah? How do you think we get our kicks here?! Now for the Virgin....



Jerry Lucas had this other continuing series in Iliad on "the Virgin", but I don't want to start quoting that here, since I'm almost out of room. Next time, I'll also pick up some of the Virgin press, probably my favorite installment by Jerry Lucas from Europa Express #38. You can go look if you like.


Game Openings

Diplomacy (Black Press – Permanent Opening in ES): Signed up: None, need seven to fill.

Youngstown IV (Gray Press): The classic 10-player variant, which seems to have fallen through the cracks lately.  Jack McHugh is going to write an article on it for Diplomacy World, but he wants to play again first, so sign up and help out!  Signed up: Jack McHugh, Brad Wilson, Geoff Kemp, Martin Burgdorf, Don Williams, Marc Ellinger, need 4 more.  Sign up now!!! Just four more!!

Balkan Wars VI (Unknown Press Level): To be Guest GM’d by Brad Wilson: Signed up: Doug Kent (that’s me folks), Jack McHugh, Lance Anderson, Brendan Whyte, needs 2 more.  Contact Brad to sign up at bwdolphin146 “of”  Sign up now!!!  HURRY!!!

Narnian Wars (Gray Press): A variant based on the C.S. Lewis world of Narnia.  I ran this once or twice in Maniac’s Paradise.  Rules and map contained in ES #51.  I’ve added this back to the openings list by request as I only left it there for two issues last time.   Signed up: Martin Burgdorf, needs 7 more to fill.

Aberration V (Gray Press): A nine-player variant with an expanded and altered European map.  Rod Walker’s design modified by Nicholas Fitzpatrick.  Map and rules in ES #61.   Signed up: Martin Burgdorf, Hugh Polley, Steven Colley, needs 6 more to fill.

Everybody Plays Diplomacy (Black Press): An ongoing everyone-plays variant.  Rules are in ES #47.  Join in at any time!

By Popular Demand: Back to the normal format.  Join anytime.

Lifeboat: Everybody plays, whether you actually do anything or not. 

Movie Photo Contest: 10 Rounds, with a prize to the winner.  Join anytime!

Where in the World is Kendo Nagasaki?: Rules in ES #58.  Send in your guess!  Join anytime!

Kremlin: House rules in ES #59.  I’d like to get five players for this, any takers?  Jack McHugh and Jim Burgess signed up, need at least 2 more.

Standby List: HELP!  I need standby players! – Current standby list: Richard Weiss, Jim Burgess (Dip only), Hank Alme, Martin Burgdorf, Paul Milewski (Dip only), Brad Wilson, Kevin Tighe (Dip only), Chris Babcock, Don Williams, Marc Ellinger, and whoever I beg into it in an emergency.

I’m going to continue to go through my files and seeing what other variants I can offer, until I find one that gets enough interest to fill.  When I offer a variant I’ll give it an issue or two, but if nobody signs up I’ll drop the opening and replace it.  If somebody wants to guest-GM a game of anything, just get in touch.  If you have specific game requests please let me know.



Eternal Sunshine Game Section


Diplomacy “Jerusalem” 2012?, Gamestart!


This will be a standard, Black Press Diplomacy game, with the players and nations listed below.  If any players fails to submit orders for Spring 1901 by the deadline, the game will be halted while a replacement is found.  Good luck!


Austria (Melinda Holley – genea5613 “of” Has F Tri, A Vie, A Bud.

England (John Biehljerbil “of” Has F Lon, A Lvp, F Edi.

France (Jack McHugh jwmchughjr “of” Has F Bre, A Par, A Mar.

Germany (Don Williams – dwilliams “of” Has F Kie, A Ber, A Mun.

Italy (Mark Firth - mark.firth “of” Has A Ven, A Rom, F Nap.

Russia (Brad Wilson - bwdolphin146 “of” Has F StP(sc), A War, A Mos, F Sev.

Turkey (Geoff Kemp - ggeoff510 “of” Has F Ank, A Con, A Smy.




Douglas Kent to Jack McHugh, Brad Wilson, Geoff Kemp, Melinda Holley, Don Williams, Don Williams, Mark Firth, John Biehl:  Okay, I’ve got everybody confirmed and have preference lists.  But with the early deadline this month, I am figuring you folks do NOT want the S’01 deadline to be in April.  If any of you reply that you want the S’01 deadline in May, that’s when it will be ... and then once I know I’ll assign nations and send you a gamestart announcement.


Jack McHugh to Douglas Kent, Brad Wilson, Geoff Kemp, Melinda Holley, Don Williams, Don Williams, Mark Firth, John Biehl:  Don  Williams is playing twice ... how Bernie Tretick of him.


Brad Wilson to Jack McHugh, Douglas Kent (cc Geoff Kemp, Melinda Holley, Don Williams, Don Williams, Mark Firth, John Biehl):  He'll still lose.


Jack McHugh to Brad Wilson (cc Douglas Kent, Geoff Kemp, Melinda Holley, Don Williams, Don Williams, Mark Firth, John Biehl):  You should be nicer – I’m still hating after you abandoning me in our last game because you were too lazy to write – it may require several beers to mollify me –


Don Williams to Jack McHugh, Brad Wilson (cc Douglas Kent, Geoff Kemp, Melinda Holley, Don Williams, Mark Firth, John Biehl):  Quit whining you two … I had to join the game twice to get it going.  Douglas, next time you put me in the game twice, please use my name and my alter ego, “Bob Olsen.” Oh, and I want my two countries to be Russia and Turkey, and make sure Brad is in Austria with Jack in Italy.  I vote for May … I hate to NMR in April …


Jack McHugh to Don Williams (cc Douglas Kent, Brad Wilson, Geoff Kemp, Melinda Holley, Don Williams, Mark Firth, John Biehl):  You’re in fourth place and just lost two dots to drop to fifth … if there is a two-way you won’t be in it … hahahahahah yourself …

Mark Firth to Jack McHugh, Don Williams (cc Douglas Kent, Brad Wilson, Geoff Kemp, Melinda Holley, Don Williams, Mark Firth, John Biehl):  Have we started ... ?  If this is a variant where you make all your alliances and enemies before you know who’s playing what, I declare war on Egypt.


Douglas Kent to Mark Firth, Jack McHugh, Don Williams (cc Geoff Kemp, Brad Wilson, Melinda Holley, Don Williams, Mark Firth, John Biehl Mark):  I’ll have the assignments out to you all today.


Don Williams to Douglas Kent, Mark Firth, Jack McHugh (cc Geoff Kemp, Brad Wilson, Melinda Holley, Don Williams, Mark Firth, John Biehl):  I dunno, Doug, I kind of like Mark's variant ... I want to declare war on Sri Lanka ... hey, is Mark playing two positions now, too?

Don Williams to Douglas Kent, Mark Firth, Jack Mc Hugh (cc Geoff Kemp, Brad Wilson, Melinda Holley, Don Williams, Mark Firth, John Biehl):  And another thing, Doug - remember not to list me by the same name twice in the same game; even us simple-minded antelopes know that.  (I'll give Belgium to whoever gets that press reference first.)  By the way, "Jack McHugh" and "Brad Wilson" are both pseudonyms of mine that I have used for many years.  As is the name "Don Williams" for that matter.  My real name is Sara Reichert.  (Hurry up, Doug ... I'm only going to get worse.)  Sara.


Douglas Kent to Don Williams, Mark Firth Jack McHugh (cc Geoff Kemp, Brad Wilson, Melinda Holley, Don Williams, Mark Firth, John Biehl):  How could you get WORSE?


Don Williams to Douglas Kent, Mark Firth, Jack McHugh (cc Geoff Kemp, Brad Wilson, Melinda Holley, Don Williams, Mark Firth, John Biehl):  Okay, just to get to true, final, and full disclosure (so help me Mark Berch), I must share with you that "Douglas Kent" is also a pseudonym of mine.  I don't like the preference lists you've all submitted so I have thrown them out and will pick your countries based on a secret formula that those of you with a PayPal account will be advised of.  Future disclaimers by the so-called "GM Douglas Kent" regarding my true identity will proclaim mightily and at length that this is not true, but it's all just a vast conspiracy wrapped around a ruse hidden in a prevarication of monstrous proportions.  Or something like that ... except for the "never never never never" thing, Churchill's tough to quote.  Sara.  PS to "Douglas Kent":  That's one way.  I'm sure I can come up with more.  Assign those blocks soon, "Douglas," or face the full breadth of my full disclosure infamy.


Melinda Holley to Douglas Kent, Mark Firth, Mark Firth, Jack McHugh, Don Williams, Don Williams, (cc Geoff Kemp, Brad Wilson, John Biehl):  OMG!  The visual I just had of Don's “full disclosure” …


Don Williams to Melinda Holley (cc Douglas Kent, Mark Firth, Mark Firth, Jack McHugh, Don Williams, Geoff Kemp, Brad Wilson, John Biehl):  That’s a “full Monty” my dear, but I like how you think …


Douglas Kent to Don Williams, Mark Firth, Jack Mc Hugh (cc Geoff Kemp, Brad Wilson, Melinda Holley, Don Williams, Mark Firth, John Biehl):  Diplomacy “Jerusalem” 2012?, Gamestart!  Austria – Melinda Holley, England – John Biehl, France – Jack McHugh, Germany – Don Williams, Italy – Mark Firth, Russia – Brad Wilson, Turkey – Geoff Kemp.


Don Williams to Douglas Kent, Mark Firth, Jack McHugh (cc Mark Firth, Melinda Holley, Don Williams, Geoff Kemp, Brad Wilson, John Biehl):  John, Jack, Melinda and Brad all within S’01 striking distance of my home centers?  I am so ho-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-sed


Melinda Holley to Brad Wilson, Douglas Kent, Don Williams, Don Williams, Mark Firth, Jack McHugh (cc Geoff Kemp, Mark Firth, John Biehl):  Be verwy verwy kwiet ... I'm huntin' duck!!!  Never have any luck with those *$@!!! rabbits!  Elmer ... uhhhh, Melinda.


Melinda Holley to Douglas Kent, Jack McHugh, Don Williams, Don Williams, Mark Firth, Mark Firth (cc Brad Wilson, Geoff Kemp, John Biehl):  When I said I'd play “any position,” I meant ... you know ... shortstop, right field, left guard, nose tackle, goalie, right winger ... Austria, for God's sake!  What!?  Are you taking tips from the Weasel Moot guys (they who gave me Austria in two tournament rounds last year)?!?  Guys, have pity on me ... attack The Duck!


Brad Wilson to Douglas Kent, Melinda Holley, Don Williams, Mark Firth, Jack McHugh (cc Geoff Kemp, Don Williams, Mark Firth, John Biehl):  One well-done Duck coming up!!


Don Williams to Douglas Kent (cc Melinda Holley, Brad Wilson, Jack McHugh, Mark Firth, Mark Firth, Geoff Kemp, John Biehl, Don Williams, Sara Reichert):  “Douglas,” I still have questions.  What position is the second Mark Firth playing?  England?  France?  Left field?  Free safety?  Point guard?  And just where are Bernie Tretick, Bob Olsen and Mark Berch?  I don’t see them listed anywhere – are they playing Egypt and Sri Lanka?  Ireland?  And why isn’t the North Atlantic dot part of the count?  There’s something going on here and we need to get to the bottom of it right now.  Who’s the BNC?  I demand an ombudsman to nip this GM interference in the bud!  This is piracy!!!


“GM Douglas Kent” to Eternal Sunshine Readers:  This is going to be a very long game.   


Douglas Kent to Don Williams (cc Brad Wilson, Jack McHugh, Melinda Holley, Mark Firth, Don Williams, Geoff Kemp, John Biehl):  Bernie is in a nursing home; I think his son Jim has taken over his duties.  I am not at liberty to reveal the whereabouts of Bob Olsen or Mark Berch, although I have knowledge of both.  Good luck getting any help from the BNC, that’s Tom Howell, and aside from being my lifelong toady he still owes me a Boardman Number from 2011.  If you help him raise a frame house or barn he MIGHT be willing to look upon you favorably.  Oh, and Mark Firth only has one position.  The two email addresses are for both sides of his brain.


Geoff Kemp to Douglas Kent, Don Williams (cc Brad Wilson, Jack McHugh, Melinda Holley, Mark Firth, Don Williams, John Biehl):  Hi Guys.  Greetings to you all!  I realise that I am the new kid on the block at the moment, but you have already left me totally baffled, fascinating as all this early banter is!  Can someone tell me what is going on please?  Who is the Duck?  What is a free safety or point guard, and how come there are two Mark Firths and two Don Williamses in the game … and is he still singing?  I didn’t know Melinda was his “Gypsy Woman” but who is “his best friend”?  Those are the only hits he had that I can remember.  Oh yes, and why are we including Iceland in this game?  Have I signed up for a variant by mistake?  Douglas, what is happening, you know I have never played Silly Mid On!  Too near to that flipping hard red ball if you ask me!


Brad Wilson to Douglas Kent, Geoff Kemp, Don Williams (cc Jack McHugh, Melinda Holley, Mark Firth, Don Williams, John Biehl):  Duck is the eggman.  Jack is the Walrus.  Koo koo ka-choo!


Douglas Kent to Geoff Kemp, Don Williams (cc Brad Wilson, Jack McHugh, Melinda Holley, Mark Firth, Don Williams, John Biehl):  New kid on the block?  Either you have terrible taste in music, or you just signed your own death warrant ... or both.


Geoff Kemp to Douglas Kent, Don Williams (cc Brad Wilson, Jack McHugh, Melinda Holley, Mark Firth, Don Williams, John Biehl):  you know I have a terrible taste in music, you did those lyrics quizzes I sent! 

Although I beg to differ there – they did have one almost reasonable track.  But what happened to them all – did they go that great plastic pop land in the sky? 


Douglas Kent to Geoff Kemp, Don Williams (cc Brad Wilson, Jack McHugh, Melinda Holley, Mark Firth, Don Williams, John Biehl):  Unfortunately, no.  They live.  In fact, they just did a reunion tour.  Forty-five year old women jumping around to music that was terrible when it was first written.


Geoff Kemp to Douglas Kent, Don Williams (cc Brad Wilson, Jack McHugh, Melinda Holley, Mark Firth, Don Williams, John Biehl):   ????   I thought that was the Osmonds.  They were touring here week before last, or at least the three still capable of touring were.  Not sure which ones though.


Proposition 65 Notice:  To reduce our carbon footprint and limit reliance on non-renewable electronic bytes, we shall hereafter reduce full names to two-letter initials.  Thank you for assisting us in “going green” in accordance with new Obama Administration guidelines for Eternal Sunshine.  (This press printed on 45% postconsumer recycled bytes.)


DK to GK, DW (cc BW, JM, MH, MF, DW, JB):  The male Osmonds are simply androids, animated machines stolen from a Chuck E. Cheez.


GK to DK, DW (cc BW, JM, MH, MF, DW, JB):   The male versions of the Stepford Wives?  OK, you have lost me again, what is a Chuck E. Cheez? We are not even speaking totally the same language anymore!


DK to GK, DW (cc BW, JM, MH, MF, DW, JB): בְּרֵאשִׁית, בָּרָא אֱלֹהִים, אֵת הַשָּׁמַיִם, וְאֵת הָאָרֶץ.


GK to DK, DW (cc BW, JM, MH, MF, DW, JB):   


GK, DW, DW, BW, JM, MH, MF,  JB to DK:  Who’s the joker speaking in tongues?  Knock it off.   


GK to DK, DW (cc BW, JM, MH, MF, DW, JB):   From memory, he was always trying to laugh at Batman, but never having the last laugh so I suppose he is looking for an easier target?


DK to BW, DW, GK (cc  JM, MH, MF, DW, JB):  Don’t you think the Joker laughs at you?


BW to GK, DK, DW (cc JM, MH, MF, DW, JB):  Most people should so why wouldn't the Joker?


GK to BW, DK, DW (cc JM, MH, MF, DW, JB):  I play Diplomacy … or try to!  So I am used to it!


DK to GK, BW, DW (cc JM, MH, MF, DW, JB):  He’s also a picker, a grinner, a lover, and a sinner.


GK to DK, BW, DW (cc JM, MH, MF, DW, JB):   What’s Maurice got to do with all this?


DW to BW:  The Joker may be the only one laughing at the press right now.  We need more of something else.  A lot more ... this sucks.


BW to GK, DK, DW (cc JM, MH, MF, DW, JB):  BW to GK, DK, DW (cc JM, MH, MF, DW, JB):  Maurice White?  Earth Wind & Fire?  Awesome soul band.  Philip Bailey hitting those high notes??  Wowza.


DW to BW:  Not exactly the scintillating wit I had in mind.  Not stellar, Wilson.


GK to BW, DK, DW (cc JM, MH, MF, DW, JB):  I didn’t know Michael Caine was in Earth Wind & Fire.  Awesome band!  I suppose he had to do something when he wasn’t blowing the bloody doors off! Blowing the trumpet is a good alternative!


JM to DK (cc GK, BW, MH, MF, DW, DW, JB):  Can we end this idiocy and start the game?  Let’s get going before Don starts singing and Geoff starts losing his virginity.


GK to BW, DK, DW (cc JM, MH, MF, DW, JB):  More likely losing my mind!!!!!


BW to GK, DK, DW (cc JM, MH, MF, DW, JB):  Okay, we have Geoff just where we want him!!


GK to BW, DK, DW (cc JM, MH, MF, DW, JB):  Where's that?  Hopefully not trapped with this Chuck E. Cheez guy!   Was he one of your last victims?


DW to BW, MF, MH (cc GK, JM, DW, DK, JB):  Look, he’s playing Turkey.  Brad, Mark, Melinda … you know what to do.  How hard could it be?  It’s like he’s channeling Burgess  or something.


GK to DW, BW (MF, MH, JM, DW, DK, JB):  I see!  Ganging up on the novice right at the start!  You bullies you!  I'll scweam and scweam until I am sick!!!


DW to GK (cc DK, BW, MF, MH, JM, DW, JB):  Geoff, please relax, sit back and enjoy the war like the rest of us.  It’s not as bad as you think.  Reading Burgess press … now that will make you scream and scream ‘til you make sick.


GK to BW, DK, DW (cc JM, MH, MF, DW, JB):  Maybe so, but I’m still worried about what happened to Edgar Allan Poe, don’t want to end up like him!!!!


DK, BW, MF, MH, JM, DW, DW, JB to GK:  Edgar Allan Poe?  WTF?!?


Sara Reichert to ES Readers:  Chaos reigns supreme.  My work here is done.


“GM Douglas Kent” to ES Readers:  Sigh … a very very long game indeed.


DW to DK (cc GK, BW, DW, JM, MH, MF, JB, SR):  And you thought it couldn’t get worse … just wait until we really get started.


Diplomacy “Dulcinea” 2008C, W 17/S18


Austria (Martin Burgdorfmartin_burgdorf “of” Build F Trieste..

 A Belgium - Picardy (*Fails*), A Berlin – Prussia, F Brest Supports F English Channel (*Ordered to Move*),

 A Budapest - Rumania (*Bounce*), A Burgundy Supports A Gascony – Marseilles,

 A Finland - St Petersburg (*Fails*), A Gascony - Marseilles (*Fails*), A Munich – Silesia,

 A Norway Supports A Finland - St Petersburg, A Paris - Gascony (*Fails*), A Picardy - Wales (*Fails*),

 A Ruhr – Munich, A Serbia Supports A Budapest – Rumania, A Sweden - Finland (*Fails*),

 F Trieste - Adriatic Sea, A Venice - Rome (*Fails*).

England (Kevin Tighetigheman “of”  A Clyde – Liverpool, F English Channel - North Sea,

 A Yorkshire Supports A Clyde - Liverpool.

Turkey (Jim Burgess – jfburgess “of” Build F Ankara, A Smyrna, A Constantinople..

 F Ankara - Black Sea, A Bulgaria - Rumania (*Bounce*), A Constantinople - Bulgaria (*Fails*),

 F Greece Supports A Constantinople - Bulgaria (*Fails*), F Irish Sea - English Channel,

 A Livonia Supports A St Petersburg, F Marseilles Supports F Spain(sc) (*Cut*),

 F Mid-Atlantic Ocean - Western Mediterranean, F North Atlantic Ocean - Mid-Atlantic Ocean, F Rome Hold,

 A Sevastopol Supports A Bulgaria – Rumania, A Smyrna – Armenia, F Spain(sc) Supports F Marseilles,

 A St Petersburg Hold, F Tyrrhenian Sea - Ionian Sea.


F 18 Deadline is May 29th at 7:00am my time




Jim-Bob in all Seriousness: It is a REAL shame that this game goes on this way.  Send lots of good thoughts Lance's way.  Once I found out what he's been going through that led him to NMR in this game, well, everyone should just remember what REALLY matters.


Turkey to Austria: Back in the game, you have made your choice, so I've made mine.  We'll see what happens now, but please send your best wishes to Lance too.  I wish he had told Doug and he might have delayed the game.


Boob to the Tigheman: The way this game goes now could be even MORE interesting.  I bow at your feet, may you have Godspeed as you move now....




Dulcinea” Diplomacy Bourse


Billy Ray Valentine: Probably in his limousine.


Duke of York: Sells 500 Crowns.  Buys 1098 Pounds.


Smaug the Dragon: Nada.

Rothschild: Sells 500 Pounds and 500 Piastres.  Buys 780 Crowns.


Baron Wuffet: Holds.


Wooden Nickel Enterprises: Sells 500 Piastres.  Buys 551 Crowns.


VAIONT Enterprises: Holds.


Insider Trading LLC: At a Grand Jury hearing.


Bourse Master: Stands pat.



Next Bourse Deadline is May 28th at 7:00pm my time




(Duke of York to Rothschild): Maybe you were on to something, let's see what happens now....


VAIONT Enterprises:  You look good, Duke, I’ll grant that.  And I grant you’ll look good right up to the point that Austria stabs Turkey and all those Piastres become worth less than a Confederate dollar.  More likely, Jim Burgess will suddenly channel himself and screw up the last turn, giving Austria the win.


VAIONT Enterprise to ALL:  Nope, bad guess … these aren’t initials.  The name is a reference to an historical man-made disaster and a clue to this player’s identity, not to mention an early prognostication on how this was going to end very badly for me, being crushed like an insect and all.



Graustark Diplomacy Game 2006A, W 15/S 16


Austria (Don Williams – dwilliams “of” F Venice – Trieste, A Vienna - Budapest.

England (Fred Wiedemeyerwiedem “of” F Adriatic Sea - Ionian Sea,

 F Albania - Greece (*Dislodged*, retreat to Adriatic Sea or OTB), F English Channel – Belgium, A Moscow Hold,

 F Norwegian Sea – Norway, A Paris Hold, A Spain Hold, A St Petersburg Supports A Moscow,

 F Tunis Supports F Adriatic Sea - Ionian Sea, F Tyrrhenian Sea Supports F Adriatic Sea - Ionian Sea,

 F Western Mediterranean - Mid-Atlantic Ocean, A Yorkshire Hold.

France (Hank Almealmehj “of” No units.

Germany (Harley Jordanharleyj “of” Build A Berlin, A Kiel, A Munich.. A Apulia Hold,

 A Berlin – Silesia, A Burgundy – Marseilles, F Denmark Hold, A Galicia Supports A Vienna – Budapest,

 F Holland Hold, A Kiel – Ruhr, A Munich – Tyrolia, A Rumania Supports A Trieste – Serbia,

 A Sevastopol - Armenia (*Fails*), F Sweden Hold, A Trieste – Serbia, A Ukraine Supports A Rumania.

Russia (John Biehljerbil “of” Retreat F Adriatic Sea - Ionian Sea, A Albania – Greece,

 A Rumania – Bulgaria..Remove A Constantinople, A Smyrna.. F Aegean Sea Supports F Ionian Sea,

 A Armenia - Sevastopol (*Fails*), A Bulgaria - Serbia (*Fails*), A Greece Supports A Serbia – Albania,

 F Ionian Sea Supports A Serbia - Albania (*Dislodged*, retreat to Eastern Mediterranean or Naples or OTB),

 A Serbia - Albania.


DIAS is Proposed.  Please Vote.  NVR=No.

F 16 Deadline is May 29th at 7:00am my time






(Ghost of Turkey to Fred): If you still left Hank in the game I'm going to have to change my opinion of you as a player....


(Ghost of Turkey to the Useless Russian Occupying the Space Formerly Known as Turkey): This game year should see some more serious shrinkage.  Sorry, but I'm really not sorry.


(Boobish Man to Duckish Man): Little did I know, what GREAT press, keep it up, much better than my useless infield banter.


DUCK to BOOB:  Well, you aren’t the ghost of Turkey because you were playing Italy, so I’m a little lost.  I’m doing my Terry Tallman-like best to toady my way into the endgame in true Noseweegie style.  It should work if Master Harley remains a man of his word.


AUSTRIA to ITALY:  How’d you like the song?  It’s your turn now.


Russia to England & Germany: Does either of you have the 'moxie' to go for the WIN?



Black Press Gunboat, “Scream” 2010Brb32, F 09


England: F Edinburgh - North Sea (*Fails*), A London Holds.

France: A Marseilles - Burgundy (*Bounce*), F Naples Supports F Tyrrhenian Sea - Ionian Sea,

 F Tyrrhenian Sea - Ionian Sea, A Venice - Trieste (*Bounce*).

Germany: A Brest Hold, F English Channel Hold, F Mid-Atlantic Ocean Hold.

Russia: F Armenia - Ankara (*Fails*), A Belgium Supports A Burgundy – Picardy,

 F Black Sea Supports A Sevastopol - Rumania (*Fails*), A Budapest Supports A Rumania - Serbia (*Fails*),

 A Burgundy – Picardy, A Finland – Norway, A Galicia - Munich (*Fails*), F Holland Supports F North Sea,

 F North Sea Supports F Norway - Norwegian Sea (*Cut*), F Norway - Norwegian Sea,

 A Ruhr - Burgundy (*Bounce*), A Rumania - Serbia (*Fails*), A Serbia - Albania (*Fails*),

 A Sevastopol - Rumania (*Fails*), A Trieste Supports A Serbia - Albania (*Cut*), A Vienna - Tyrolia.

Turkey: F Aegean Sea Supports A Bulgaria, A Albania - Trieste (*Bounce*),

 A Ankara Supports F Constantinople (*Cut*), A Bulgaria Hold, F Constantinople Supports A Ankara,

 A Greece Supports A Bulgaria.

Concession to Russia Fails

W 09/S 10 deadline is May 29th at 7:00am my time


Supply Center Chart


England:          Edinburgh, Liverpool, London=3, Build 1

France:            Marseilles, Naples, Rome, Tunis, Venice=5, Plays 1 Short (No Room)

Germany:         Brest, Paris, Portugal, Spain=4, Plays 1 Short (No Room)

Russia:             Belgium, Berlin, Budapest, Denmark, Holland, Kiel, Moscow, Munich, Norway, Rumania,

Serbia, Sevastopol, St Petersburg, Sweden, Trieste, Vienna, Warsaw=17, Build 1

Turkey:            Ankara, Bulgaria, Constantinople, Greece, Smyrna=5, Remove 1




None.  You guys suck.



Diplomacy “Dublin Boys” 2010D, W 07/S 08


Austria (Paul Milewskipaul.milewski “of” A Bohemia Supports A Ruhr – Munich,

 A Livonia Supports A Prussia, A Moscow - St Petersburg (*Fails*), A Prussia Supports A Munich – Berlin,

 A Serbia – Budapest, A Silesia Supports A Munich – Berlin, A Trieste - Venice (*Bounce*),

 A Tyrolia - Munich (*Fails*).

England (Kevin Tighetigheman “of” Build F London.. F Baltic Sea Supports A Berlin –

 Prussia, A Berlin - Prussia (*Disbanded*), F Denmark – Kiel, F Helgoland Bight Supports F Denmark – Kiel,

 F Holland Supports F Denmark – Kiel, F London - English Channel, F Mid-Atlantic Ocean Supports F Gulf of Lyon

 Spain(sc), F Norway Supports F St Petersburg(nc), F St Petersburg(nc) Hold.

France (Jeff O’Donnell – unclestaush “of” Retreat F Naples - Tyrrhenian Sea..

 A Belgium – Ruhr, A Burgundy Supports A Belgium – Ruhr, F Gulf of Lyon - Spain(sc), A Piedmont – Tuscany,

 F Tyrrhenian Sea - Rome (*Dislodged*, retreat to Gulf of Lyon or Western Mediterranean or OTB),

 A Venice Supports F Tyrrhenian Sea - Rome (*Cut*).

Germany (Melinda Holley – genea5613 “of” Remove A Kiel.. A Munich – Berlin, A Ruhr - Munich.

Italy (Hank Almealmehj “of” A Rome - Venice (*Bounce*), F Spain(sc) - Marseilles.

Turkey (Brad Wilson - bwdolphin146 “of” Build F Smyrna.. F Aegean Sea - Ionian Sea,

 A Bulgaria Hold, F Greece Hold, F Ionian Sea - Tyrrhenian Sea, F Naples Supports F Ionian Sea - Tyrrhenian Sea,

 F North Africa – Tunis, F Smyrna - Aegean Sea.


F 08 Deadline is May 29th at 7:00am my time





None.  You guys SUCK.


Everybody Plays Diplomacy “Dandelion” 2010Cvj08, F 08

Player Names or Handles will be shown for any power they commanded each season.

Remember, in some seasons if we get enough players you may not wind up commanding any nations.  All press submitted will be printed.


Austria (Brad Wilson): F Adriatic Sea - Ionian Sea, F Aegean Sea Supports A Serbia – Bulgaria,

 A Bohemia - Munich (*Fails*), A Budapest Supports A Rumania, A Kiel Supports A Bohemia - Munich (*Fails*),

 A Munich - Burgundy (*Bounce*), A Piedmont - Marseilles (*Bounce*), A Rome - Venice (*Fails*),

 A Rumania Hold, A Serbia – Bulgaria, A Tunis - North Africa, A Venice - Piedmont (*Fails*).

England (Italy Must Win): F Denmark Hold, F Irish Sea Supports F Mid-Atlantic Ocean - North Atlantic Ocean,

 F Liverpool Supports F Mid-Atlantic Ocean - North Atlantic Ocean, F Mid-Atlantic Ocean - North Atlantic Ocean,

 F North Sea Hold, A Paris Hold.

France (Tom Howell): Retreat A Denmark - Sweden.. A Belgium Hold, A Holland Hold,

 F North Atlantic Ocean – Clyde, F Norwegian Sea – Edinburgh, A Ruhr - Burgundy (*Bounce*),

 F Spain(sc) - Marseilles (*Bounce*), A Sweden - Denmark (*Fails*).

Italy (Rick Desper): F Constantinople - Black Sea (*Bounce*).

Russia (John Biehl): Retreat A Rumania - Galicia.. F Black Sea Supports A Sevastopol - Rumania (*Cut*),

 A Galicia Supports A Sevastopol – Rumania, A Moscow – Warsaw, A Sevastopol - Rumania (*Fails*),

 A St Petersburg – Norway.

Turkey (Brad Wilson): F Ankara - Black Sea (*Bounce*), F Smyrna - Syria.



W 08/S 09 Deadline is May 29th at 7:00am my time


Supply Center Chart


Austria:            Berlin, Budapest, Bulgaria, Greece, Kiel, Munich, Naples, Rome,

                        Rumania, Serbia, Trieste, Tunis, Venice, Vienna=14, Build 2

England:          Brest, Denmark, Liverpool, London, Paris, St Petersburg=6, Even

France:            Belgium, Edinburgh, Holland, Marseilles, Portugal, Spain, Sweden=7, Even

Italy:                Constantinople=1, Even

Russia:             Moscow, Norway, Sevastopol, Warsaw=4, Remove 1

Turkey:            Ankara, Smyrna=2, Even




Vienna: Brum brum brum!!!!!

(Italy Must Win to Italy Must Win): You idiot, what coast did you want?


Austria to that Italian clown:  I may be a bastard, but you're dead!


(Italy Must Win to Italy Must Win): South Coast, of course.


(Italy Must Win to Italy Must Die): I think you'll be right, eventually, but Italy never goes down without a fight.



Black Press Gunboat, “Streets of Soho,” 2011Arb32, W 06/S 07


Austria: Build A Vienna, A Budapest, A Trieste.. A Ankara – Constantinople, A Apulia - Naples (*Fails*),

 A Budapest – Galicia, A Constantinople – Bulgaria, A Galicia – Silesia, F Greece - Ionian Sea,

 F Naples - Tyrrhenian Sea (*Bounce*), A Rumania – Ukraine, A Sevastopol Supports A Rumania – Ukraine,

 A Trieste - Venice (*Bounce*), A Tyrolia Supports A Venice – Piedmont, A Venice – Piedmont,

 A Vienna – Bohemia, A Warsaw - Prussia.

England: Build A London, A Edinburgh.. F Baltic Sea – Berlin, A Edinburgh – Holland,

 F English Channel Convoys A London – Picardy, F Irish Sea Supports F English Channel,

 A Kiel Supports F Baltic Sea – Berlin, A London – Picardy, F North Sea Convoys A Edinburgh – Holland,

 F Spain(sc) – Marseilles, A St Petersburg Hold.

France: Remove A Silesia, A Piedmont.. A Belgium Supports A Burgundy, F Brest Supports F Mid-Atlantic Ocean,

 A Burgundy Supports A Belgium, F Mid-Atlantic Ocean Supports F Western Mediterranean - Spain(sc),

 F Tunis - Tyrrhenian Sea (*Bounce*), F Western Mediterranean - Spain(sc).

Germany: A Berlin Supports A Ruhr - Munich (*Disbanded*), A Moscow Supports A St Petersburg,

 A Ruhr - Munich.

Italy: Retreat F Naples - Tyrrhenian Sea..Remove F Tyrrhenian Sea.. A Rome - Venice (*Bounce*).


Fall 07 Deadline is May 29th at 7:00am my time




Italy to France:  What do I want you to do?  Uh, have a good time watching the execution from those guillotine-side seats you (temporarily) own.


Italy to Austria:  Alright, we’ll call it a draw …


ITALY to GAME:  Rage, rage, rage against the dying of the light, do not go gentle into that … urgghhhhhh …. gak




Diplomacy - “Lighthouse” - 2011? – W 03/S 04


Austria (Don Williams – dwilliams “of” A Budapest - Galicia (*Disbanded*),

 A Serbia Supports A Trieste - Budapest (*Fails*).

England (Paul Milewskipaul.milewski “of” F Liverpool - Wales (*Bounce*),

 F London - Wales (*Bounce*), A Yorkshire - Edinburgh.

France (Kevin Wilson – ckevinw “of” Build F Brest.. A Belgium Supports A Burgundy – Ruhr,

 F Brest - Mid-Atlantic Ocean, A Burgundy – Ruhr, F English Channel - North Sea (*Bounce*),

 F Irish Sea - North Atlantic Ocean, A Marseilles - Burgundy.

Germany (Brad Wilson – bwdolphin146 “of” Remove A Piedmont, A Denmark..

 F Baltic Sea – Denmark, A Bohemia – Munich, F Helgoland Bight - North Sea (*Bounce*), 

 F North Sea - Norwegian Sea, A Ruhr Supports A Bohemia - Munich (*Dislodged*, retreat to Kiel

 or Holland or OTB).

Italy (Melinda Holley – genea5613 “of” Build F Naples, A Venice, A Rome..

 F Bulgaria(sc) Supports F Greece - Aegean Sea (*Dislodged*, retreat to Greece or OTB), F Greece - Aegean Sea,

 F Naples - Ionian Sea, A Rome – Venice, A Trieste – Budapest, A Tyrolia Supports A Rome – Venice,

 A Venice – Trieste, A Vienna Supports A Trieste - Budapest.

Russia (Fred Wiedemeyerwiedem “of” Build A Sevastopol, F St Petersburg(nc)..

 F Ankara – Constantinople, F Black Sea Supports A Rumania – Bulgaria, A Finland – Sweden,

 A Galicia Supports A Sevastopol - Rumania (*Cut*), A Rumania – Bulgaria, A Sevastopol – Rumania,

 F Smyrna - Eastern Mediterranean, F St Petersburg(nc) – Norway, F Sweden – Skagerrak, A Syria - Armenia.


F 04 Deadline is May 29th at 7:00am my time




ARCH DUCK to RUSSIAN FRIEND: I heard I could get to that Black Sea dacha via Galicia … don’t mind me …






By Popular Demand


Credit goes to Ryk Downes, I believe, for inventing this.  The goal is to pick something that fits the category and will be the "most popular" answer. You score points based on the number of entries that match yours. For example, if the category is "Cats" and the responses were 7 for Persian, 3 for Calico and 1 for Siamese, everyone who said Persian would get 7 points, Calico 3 and the lone Siamese would score 1 point. The cumulative total over 10 rounds will determine the overall winner. Anyone may enter at any point, starting with an equivalent point total of the lowest cumulative score from the previous round. If a person misses a round, they'll receive the minimum score from the round added to their cumulative total. In each round you may specify one of your answers as your Joker answer.  Your score for this answer will be doubled.  In other words, if you apply your Joker to category 3 on a given turn, and 4 other people give the same answer as you, you get 10 points instead of 5.  Players who fail to submit a Joker for any specific turn will have their Joker automatically applied to the first category. And, if you want to submit some commentary with your answers, feel free to.  The game will consist of 10 rounds.  A prize will be awarded to the winner.  Research is permitted!


Note – This is the regular By Popular Demand, not the By ALMOST popular demand we did last time.


Round 1 Categories

1. A Stephen King novel.

2. A U.S. state which was not one of the original 13 colonies.

3. A farm animal.

4. A television game show.

5. A brand of toothpaste.


Congrats to Richard Weiss for the score of 89…and condolences to Mark Firth who just barely managed to get the low score of 32.



Selected Comments By Category:


Stephen King Novel – Melinda Holley “Salem's Lot is The ONLY scary movie I will not watch in the dark!”  Kevin Wilson “I'm not a King fan so I'm not really sure which of his novels is likely to be the most popular but The Stand is well enough known that I have a shot.”  Paraic Reddington “It is my favorite King novel.”  Per Westling “There's a few to choose from so I checked various lists. It seems that "The Stand" is number one; maybe I should try that one.”  Don Williams “My favorite is The Stand, but I think The Shining will win most popular.”


State – Kevin Wilson “Illinois, for no other reason than because I live there now.”


Game Show – Mark Firth “The Price is Right is the only one I can think of that’s transatlantic, though might be differently named!”


Round 2 Categories

1. A comedian.

2. A Disney character.

3. A brand of cell phone.

4. An all-female musical group.

5. A city beginning with the letter S.


Deadline for Round 2 is May 29th at 7:00am my time


Eternal Sunshine Movie Photo Contest


There are ten rounds of movie photos, and each round consists of ten photos.  Identify the film each photo is from.  Anyone may enter at any point. If you want to submit some commentary with your answers, feel free to.  The game will consist of 10 rounds.  A prize will be awarded to the winner – and it might be a very good prize!  Research is not permitted!  That means NO RESEARCH OF ANY KIND, not just no searches for the photos themselves.  The only legal “research” is watching movies to try and locate the scenes.  Each round will also contain one bonus question, asking what the ten movies being quoted have in common.  The player with the most correct answers each round gets 3 points, 2nd place gets 2 points, and 3rd place gets 1 point.  In the event of ties, multiple players get the points (if three players tie for first, they EACH get 3 points).  High score at the end of ten rounds wins the game, and a prize (unless you cheated).  If there’s enough participation I may give a prize for 2nd and maybe even 3rd place overall too.  The final round will be worth double points.


Round 6



Outbreak.  Correct – RD, JM, KW, PR, PW, KT.  Seven Monkeys – AY.  The Naked Gun – RM.


Se7en.  Correct – RD, AY, KW, PR, MM, PW, RM, KT.  Mr. and Mrs. Smith – JB.


Brubaker.  Correct – JM.  The Electric Horseman – KW.  All the President’s Men – PR, PW, RD.  The Candidate – JB.  Three Days of the Condor – RM.  The Way We Were – KT.


Bonfire of the Vanities.  Correct – RD, JM, KW, PR, AL, PW, RM, KT.  Philadelphia – JB.


The Shawshank Redemption.  Correct – RD, AY, JM, KW, PR, MM, AL, PW, RM, KT.


Clean and Sober.  Correct – JM, KT.  Mr. Mom – KW.  Pacific Heights – PR.  Flashdance – PW.  Night Shift - RM.  The Dream Team – RD.


Nurse Betty.  Correct – RD. PW, RM, KT.  The Hand That Rocks the Cradle – JM.  He’s No Heavy, He’s My Brother – TH.


Teachers.  Correct – JM, KT.  48 Hours – AY, KW, PR, RM, RD.  Cape Fear – PW.


Moll Flanders.  The Scarlet Letter – RD, KT.  Witness – AY, PR.  The Crucible – JM.  Agnes of God – AL.  Doubt – JB.  The Girl With the Pearl Earring – PW.


Deep Impact.  Correct – RD, KW, PR, RM, KT.  The Day After – AY.  The Day After Tomorrow – JM, MM, PW.  10.5 – JB.  Tidal Wave – TH.

Bonus: What do these 10 movies have in common?  All Have Morgan Freeman.  Correct – RD, KW, PR, KT.  All nominated for Best Supporting Actor – PW.  Mistaken Identities – RM.


Points This Round: Kevin Tighe [KT] – 9; Rick Desper [RD] – 7; Paraic Reddington [PR] – 6; Kevin Wilson [KW] – 6; Jack McHugh [JM] – 6; Dick Martin [RM] – 5; Per Westling [PW] – 5; Andy York [AY] – 2; Michael Moulton [MM] – 2; Andy Lischett [AL] – 2; Jim Burgess [JB] – 0; Tom Howell [TH] - 0.


Scores So Far: Rick Desper [RD] – 14; Kevin Wilson [KW] – 12; Andy Lischett [AL] – 6; Kevin Tighe [KT] – 6; Michael Moulton [MM] – 4; Andy York [AY] – 3; Paraic Reddington [PR] – 3; Jack McHugh [JM] – 2; Brad Wilson [BW] - 1.


Round 7























Bonus: What do these 10 movies have in common?


Deadline for Round 7 is May 29th at 7:00am my time


General Deadline for the Next Issue of Eternal Sunshine:  May 29th, 2012 at 7:00am my time. See You Then!