Eternal Sunshine #85

February 2014

By Douglas Kent 911 Irene Drive, Mesquite, TX  75149

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Quote Of The Month“How can you watch this my skin!” (Clementine in “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”


Welcome to Eternal Sunshine, the only Diplomacy zine that keeps getting bigger while the hobby gets smaller. Don’t blame me…I TRY to fold this rag and get rid of it for good, but so many columns and subzines show up in my inbox that I can’t pull the brake.  So, instead, here we are again.  Welcome back, my friends, to the show that never ends.


I don’t have a lot to say right now, or much time to say it.  Heath Gardner needs standby players for his subzine, especially for Deviant Dip; so let him know if you’d help him out.  My game openings fill like molasses, so sign up or they’ll disappear.  We’ve got Milewski (twice), Gardner, McHugh, Burgess….it’s almost like the old days.


I’ve been working on the near-final edits for my prison book.  Two unnamed friends are doing a lot of work helping and making suggestions.  When it is done I’ll have to decide if I should approach agents, or publishers directly.  Who knows, maybe that piece of crap will get published one day!


Oh, I was happy to discover a small lump under my right testicle the other day.  I’ll go to the doctor next week and have him feel me up.  Good for a cheap thrill if nothing else.


See you in March!  Sign up for some games, darn it!


Playlist: Soundtrack – Vision Quest; Rain – Joe Jackson; SHEL – SHEL; 17-11-70 – Elton John.


21 of the Best TV Series Ever

An Eternal Sunshine List Challenge


The late – and much missed – Richard Walkerdine is the one who suggested this topic for the next Eternal Sunshine list challenge. The basis is simple: you submit three TV series per month, over the next seven months, along with any commentary you would like to attach to your choices.  In the end you’ll have 21 selections!  There is not mean t to be a specific order to your choices; you’re not ranking them from best to 21st best.  Also, the category of “best” in this instance should mean something like “most enjoyable” rather than “most influential.”  Finally, you should consider within the context of your choices whether the series holds up in any way…in other words, if you are listing it as one of the 21 best, could you sit down and watch episodes now and enjoy them? 


Non-U.S. television series are – of course – welcome.  (Many modern American series were reworked versions of English series anyway).  To qualify as a “series” the show must have aired at least six episodes.  All genres are welcome: comedy, horror, suspense, detective, science fiction…anything you like.  Oh, and if the series has multiple incarnations (as many of the more popular science fiction series do, for example) specify which one you mean.  You can list multiples, but they each take up a spot on your list…and you only get 21!  I am offering prizes: two of the respondents who submit a full complement of 21 TV series will be selected at random for prizes.  So to win, all you have to do is play.


Next month: The full recap, including a compiled list of ALL entries and perhaps each person’s full list individually.


John Wilman: My final selection comprises 3 more cop shows.


1st up is Taggart, and by Taggart I mean the original version with Mark Mc Manus in the title role. They tried to revive the franchise after he died, but it was only ever a pale imitation.


Unlike Oxford and the fictional county of Midsomer, Glasgow really was the murder capital of Scotland when the show was first aired. Even the title music was moody and magnificent. Taggart was an old fashioned cop who played it by the book, but he was harder than any villain who had done time in Barlinnie.


By way of light relief, Monk features a detective with OCD who cannot get through life on a daily basis without a minder and a shrink. Despite these handicaps, he manages to solve baffling crimes


NCIS has an ensemble cast of kooks and misfits, including a Mossad assasin, who work surprisingly well as a team despite being led by the famously wooden Mark Harmon as an unlikely marine (that haircut would never pass muster).


It's as much about espionage and power politics as it is about forensics and detecting crime, and it doesn't take itself too seriously.


Heather Taylor: Charlie’s Angels, Fantasy Island, Quincy.


Andy York: The Carol Burnett Show, I Love Lucy, The Ed Sullivan Show.


Andy Lischett: 19. The Bob Newhart Show - The one set in Chicago.


20. Who Wants to be a Millionaire? - The Regis version.


21. Okay, last call. I originally had Dancing With the Stars, which I doubt will age well. To replace it I've wracked my brain and checked old issues of ES for other's choices, and come up with The Twilight Zone, The Rockford Files and Family Classics (long ago on Sunday afternoons a Chicago station - WGN - ran a family oriented classic movie. Stuff like The Quiet Man, Treasure Island, Captain Blood, National Velvet, Old Yeller).


All good shows, but my final pick goes to cheap, sleazy sex appeal... Movie Macabre. Old and often bad horror and sci-fi movies with too many commercials, but hosted by slinky, voluptuous Elvira - Mistress of the Dark.


Kevin Wilson: Well, since this will finish the list, I had to think a bit.  Did I finish my Sorkin preference by listing Sports Night and Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip or go with some memorable comedy like Friends, Cheers, Seinfeld or The Carol Burnett Show SNL or with some old family favs like The Waltons, or some recent favorites like Elementary and Grimm.  Hard choices and some/many/most of these haven't been listed by anyone else.  I think I'll split the different and go with:


1. Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.  This only last one season (and not a full one at that) but was up to Sorkin's usual superb quality.  I really wish it had gone longer as I really enjoyed it while it was on.  If you like The West Wing or Sports Night, I highly recommend this one too.  The ensemble cast was great, the writing engaging and quick and the concept, the behind the scenes look at a weekly sketch show gave a lot of great opportunities for story lines and laughs.


2. Sex in the City.  I know this was aimed more at females but the first time I stumbled across an episode I was laughing out loud, repeatedly.  Not every show was that funny but most were.  Not all were on a topic of key interest to me but most were.  Not all even held my attention but most did.  It was a funny, well written and entertaining show.  It got a bit heavy in the last season but there were some gems in the first 6.


3. Fringe.  I started with sci fi shows and I'll end with one.  Fairly recent but a great show.  Lots of twists and turns and lots of interesting plots and story arcs.  A lot of fun for any fan of sci fi or similar types of shows.


Andy Bate: So, only three to go.  Let's end with children's programmes that I remember fondly.


Bagpuss is about "an old, saggy cloth cat, baggy, and a bit loose at the seams."  It was created by Peter Firmin and Oliver Postgate, who were jointly responsible for other classic kids TV programmes like Noggin The Nog, Ivor The Engine and the Clangers.  Bagpuss would magically come to life each episode in the shop - a misnomer, since the shop didn't sell anything, but simply featured broken items which Emily had found and which were displayed in the hope that their owner would seem them and collect them.  Bagpuss wasn't the only inanimate object to come to life in the show, but we also had Gabriel the toad, the woodpecker Professor Yaffle, Madelaine the rag doll, and the mice from the side of the "mouse organ".  A story would then be told while the mice mended the item.  A classic!  I can't believe that there were only thirteen episodes, but I guess that's the joy of a children's programme, you can watch them again and again without getting bored.  Would I watch them again?  Well, I did buy the DVD recently...


From the sedate to the stoned and the strange world that was The Magic Roundabout.  This was originally a French animated cartoon, but the BBC took the original footage and got Eric Thompson (father of Emma) to write some new English scripts.  This resulted in the characters changing quite dramatically - with thanks to Wikipedia - "The British Dougal (dog) was grumpy and loosely based on Tony Hancock. Ermintrude (cow) was rather matronly and fond of singing. Dylan (rabbit) was a hippy-like, guitar-playing rabbit, and rather dopey. Florence (young girl) was portrayed as courteous and level-headed. Brian (snail) was unsophisticated but well-meaning. Zebedee (jack-in-the-box) was an almost human creature in a yellow jacket with a spring instead of feet. He always appeared and disappeared with a loud "boing"-sound and usually closed the show with the phrase "Time for bed"."


Right, it nearly is time to put this to bed.  John Wilman got to Dangermouse before me, so instead I'll plump for Tom & Jerry.  I must say that I'm somewhat shocked that no-one has mentioned this one before.  I bought several series of this to watch with my son, Jake, as he was growing up. and enjoyed them all.  Daft but eminently enjoyable.  As this 21 TV Series exercise has been.


Hugh Polley: 19. Breaking Bad: I did not start watching this till it was in its last year, but I caught up with it on Netflix.  Watching someone go from law abiding citizen to criminal was most engrossing.


20. Deep Space Nine, Great characters and interesting plots, a bit over acted in places. My favorite character 'Quark'.


21. Howdy Doody: The show which first directed advertising at the Baby Boomer generation, the start of media for the masses age.


Douglas Kent: For me, the last three are comedies which I haven’t bothered to put on the list yet…Seinfeld, Mr. Bean, and Monty Python’s Flying Circus.  While I imagine I’ve forgotten some shows that deserve being listed, all three of these certainly do.


Geoff Kemp: Back to 70's British TV and The Sweeney - excellent police series -  The Title was Cockney rhyming slang for The Flying Squad aka The Sweeney Todd  aka The Sweeney! Two British actors who appeared almost exclusively on British TV (I think), John Thaw , Now sadly deceased, who played in many detective type series  and Dennis Waterman who I think is still acting and still on TV - I last saw him in New Tricks (A British Detective Series dealing with cold cases) which is the second of my three this time around. How's that for a link?

The third is another British detective Series, this time set in the seventies, 'Life on Mars' featured a current detective who appears to go back in time to the 70's after being involved in a car crash. I enjoyed this, especially the music theme which ran through the whole series featuring music from the 70's, the storyline was a little suspect but in general held in together.


Dane Maslen: So, with just three series left to select to complete my 21, how many do I still have remaining on my short(hah!)list?  22, that's how many.


Drop the Dead Donkey (UK) - A sitcom set in the offices of a TV news company.  I really regret that it hasn't been repeated on any free-to-air channel here in the UK for many years.  That might be because some of the humour was topical and so some people would consider it now not so funny.  I think I'd still find it hilarious.


Not the Nine O'Clock News (UK) - Already mentioned by at least one other reader.  Like many such shows some of the sketches didn't work very well, but the ones that did were brilliant.


Twin Peaks (US) - I agonized for some time over whether to include this as my final selection, but given that it's one of the few series I ever bought on VHS (though unfortunately lacking the pilot) I suppose it belongs on the list.


Rick Desper: WKRP in Cincinnati - A classic sit-com made back in the era when sitcoms weren't formulaic tripe written by marketing executives.  Great cast, fun storylines, brilliant characters.  Every Thanksgiving I call up the YouTube video of WKRP's promotional turkey drop.  "As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly." 


Game of Thrones - Another HBO drama, this one based on a prominent fantasy series, and with certain political aspects that should appeal to all Diplomacy players.  No fantasy series has done intrigue and treachery this well.  The first season was a bit hampered by budget constraints which often left them short of extras.  More recent series have not been held back as much, and a healthy CGI budget has helped immensely with the task of showing dragons, giants, wights, etc. 


Doctor Who - Really a series of related shows that have been broadcast by the BBC since the 1960s.  The original show tried to balance science fiction with historical fiction, and emphasized that the Doctor couldn't "change" the past.  As the years have gone by, the show has focused more and more on sci-fi and less on historical fiction.  An early decision has allowed the show to last for 50 years, while constantly changing the cast.  The producers came up with the notion that the Doctor was a "Time Lord" and that he could regenerate into a new actor. 


The show became wildly popular in the 1970s during the tenure of the fourth actor to play the Doctor, the irrepressible Tom Baker.  It faded somewhat during the 1980s as his successors were not quite able to maintain its level of popularity.  The show was canceled 1989 with Sylvester McCoy playing the Fourth Doctor.  There was an attempt to revive the series in the mid-90s with Paul McGann as the Eighth Doctor, but that never got further than a pilot (which was, to be blunt, not very good).


Then, almost ten years later, in 2005, Russell Davies revived the show again, with a different format.  Where the classic series had been known for serials consisting of 4-6 half-hour episodes, the new version consisted of standalone 45-minute episodes. The Ninth Doctor was played by Christopher Eccleston, who played him with more of an appearance as a regular guy wearing a leather jacket (as opposed to his predecessors, who were known for flamboyant costumes). 


The Doctor Who reboot was wildly popular, but Eccleston left after only one season.  He was replaced by Scottish actor David Tenant, who was himself replaced by youngster Matt Smith.  After a few years under the control of Davies, the show has been taken over by Stephen Moffat.  The show has gone down a bit in my opinion as a result, resulting in a series that seems dedicated to the proposition that all of time and space revolve around The Doctor.  (Matt Smith's last episode consisted of his Doctor defending a planet named "Christmas" against an alliance of pretty much ever bad guy species that the Doctor had ever faced.  How thoroughly silly this premise is appears to have not occurred to Moffat.)


So, to wrap this up, even though I think the show has veered away from the path of "good sci-fi" under Moffat's stewardship, there's still enough good stuff over the past 50 years to merit Doctor Who's inclusion.


Jim Burgess: For these last three, let's do three TV Shows from the 60's 70's that still are remotely watchable (many are not):


Hogan's Heroes: This silly WWII POW camp comedy holds up way better than most of its ilk at the time.  The cast had spunk, and John Banner's Sgt. Schultz is a classic of pop culture.  "I see NOTHING!"  Remembering the time he brought flowers to meet who he thought was a beautiful woman, but really was General Burkhalter's ugly sister in a barn and then got shot at by Col. Klink was well, silly/sad.  You wanted John Banner's Schultz to be OK.


Perry Mason: Has there ever been a better defense attorney?  And Paul Drake and Della Street??  Raymond Burr was a great actor.  The variety of ways that he elicited confessions and otherwise exposed the "true murderer" were incredibly inventive and always interesting.


Cannon: And then who was the best detective that you couldn't imagine as a detective?  This arguably was Quinn Martin's greatest show.  William Conrad was great.  He had a car phone, so it sort of seems up-to-date, no one else had portable phones back then.  And he had those great old cars (I think Lincoln Continental Mark IV, sometimes more than one in a show if one of them got shot out from under him).  He also kept gaining weight as the series continued.  Sort of like the Daleks being on wheels in reverse and with K-9 on wheels, you had to account in the writing for Conrad's inability to run very far after bad guys.  It never got much in the way.  Interesting.


Jack McHugh: my last three shows: this show....although it can get repetitive watching the same lame excuses and drunken people over and over again...


will and grace....surprising this show has held well over the years...


always sunny in philadelphia...very off beat show that is kind of like monty python meets friends...assuming that the friends are very literal minded about things....incredibly over done but hilarious cast led by danny devito's outrageously over the top frank reynolds and his dimwitted adult children and their idiot friends...


Dick Martin: righto - the last three...


saturday night live - bringing the fun and excitement of live tv. sometimes the sketches are duds, or the musical acts disappoint, but when it's good it's amazing.


kids in the hall - the north american counterpart to monty python. canada isn't totally useless after all.


the simpsons - no explanation needed. i've never seen an episode that was less than very entertaining...and they're at 25 years now.


and since this is the last roundup, a few honorable mentions that don't make the main list: 30 rock, star trek, game of thrones, weeds, buffy the vampire slayer, all in the family, the sopranos


Richard Weiss: So many shows, so few spots to list.  My criteria this time are simple – before the days of TiVo and DVDR, did I make sure to watch the show every week and for how many years was I committed.  NFL football for decades, Monday Night Football, for decades, Ed Sullivan for ten years or more (the show also marked the end of the weekend and when it was over, better be ready for Monday), Mission Impossible (high school and in college), Happy Days (few years), Archie Bunker (maybe didn’t miss an episode, I didn’t want to be a meat head, MASH (some years, not devoted while in college).  Out of these, I need to list some NFL Football show, so will go with MNF, ala Howard Cosell and Don Meredith as my first on this list.  Then Ed Sullivan, and my favorite Topo Gigo.  Foe Hugh Polley, who listed The Ed (probably what it’d be called now, or TES), Lassie was on at 7 AM.  Then it was time for shower and be in pajamas for The Ed.  I wonder if Bonanza wasn’t on after it – beyond my bed time.  I have no idea either if anything else was on tv during The Ed.  Final for the list this month, Mission Impossible.  And, all, please be careful, because this list will self-destruct in eight seconds after you read it.


Per Westling: I had put Holocaust as one of my 21 but it was just 4 episodes...

Should have put the hockey series 7/24 but I have not watched any (although I probably would have loved it).


So, that leaves... if I have not made any double mentioning:

19. X Files - so much have already been said about this so I have nothing really to add.

20. Sons of Anarchy - was highly recommended by a guy who loved Sopranos. Even though I have not seen the latter (!) I am sure I got the geist of it. Did watch 3 seasons, I Think, and did enjoy it, BUT... the leading character is a bit one dimensional and I am not sure that I like the stepping up of menace in each season. What will come next after Medina cartel? Aliens?

21. Firefly - a series that is highly rated in the TV series site I am following even though it did not manage to complete one full season!  But I do like the mashup of Space Opera and Western. Some time after the series was cancelled they made a Movie tying up all loose ends, Serenity.


Hank Alme: Last one, I choose "Cartoons"


The Simpsons: Awesomeness, though I have not been watching regularly for a while. I recently read Simon Singh's new book _The Simsons and Their Mathematical Secrets_ which both showed me how many high-powered degrees are in the writing room for that show and that the mathy things I thought I saw in the show were for real.


Futurama: This could also be files under my "Netflix is evil" category. My son and I return to this constantly. Most of my favorite bits involve Bender, the foul mouthed thieving robot.


South Park: Up-to-the-second satire that I have found helps me avoid taking myself too seriously.


Marc Ellinger: For the last 3 (or next 3…whichever!)  it is back to my childhood:


MASH (well it went through high school, I guess).


Happy Days (schmaltz and all that, but I really loved watching it!)


Fantasy Island (Ricardo Montalban and Herve Villechauze on Saturdays as a kid…it was great!)


Martin Burgdorf: 19. Nikita: It is a pity that this series was canceled last month.


20.  Kommissarin Lund – Das Verbrechen (Dänisch Forbrydelsen, Englisch The Killing): The English title is not correct, Forbrydelsen means crime, not killing. But then the American RE-MAKE plays in Seattle not Kopenhagen. I like the dark atmosphere.


21. Numbers – Die Logik des Verbrechens (Originaltitel: NUMB3RS): I was working at the California Institute of Technology, when the original run started. They showed us the first episode in the biggest auditorium on campus, before it came on TV. At this event the producers and a few actors were present. They told us a lot about the making of the show, and answered questions from the audience. One of them was, whether there were ideas for more stories than just the first few episodes that were in the pipeline already. It seemed like even the mathematicians present could not imagine many different ways to catch criminals with the help of arithmetic. Some professors wanted to be hired as advisors. At one point the showmaster suggested that in case of high popularity a spin-off should be created: NUMB3RS at Massachusetts Institute of Technology. I found that funny, but there were boos for several minutes. At the end the dean ordered the students to go out on Fridays only after having watched this program. Then there was a delicious buffet for everybody. We were told that we could while eating there ask further questions to the TV people, which was a really great announcement, because Prof. Amita Ramanujan (Navi Rawat) was present. Unfortunately I did not find her among the many people, but not for lack of searching.


Heath Gardner: House of Lies. Don Cheadle is generally an amazing character actor (and great poker player... respect) who, in this often amazing Showtime program, plays a management consultant (read: shark who feeds on nice big fat whales) who gets into all sorts of bad behavior but brilliantly manages to figure things out in a Machiavellian way. He seems like the type that would be an AMAZING diplomacy player. For that reason and others, it seems like a show that dip players would love. From my perspective, any show that is really well written gains my attention, and this is tops. With its 30 min runtime and various storylines it's not quite as demanding as the hour-long shows that require you to keep up with a serial, though there is one. Show takes lots of chances and it's faaantastic.


World Series of Poker. Sure, they only show the big hands, which is a horrible training tool for new players (hmm, I should bluff all-in every hand, worked for that guy!), but the slick production and the ingenious invention of the hole card cam that revolutionized the game is the reason for my abiding addiction to this game. I've known how to play poker since my dad taught me when I was 5, but ever since I started watching ESPN WSOP broadcasts (pre-moneymaker, even!) I have fallen more and more in love with the game, started my own extensive study, and now I play live and online on sort of a semi-pro basis. I'm not the best of the best by any means, but i always DVR it When I was in the hospital, I watched all 20-some episodes of the 2013 main event on my kindle fire. Great way to pass the time. Highly recommended to be sought out: the coverage of the 2012 "All In for One Drop", where each player anted up a million dollars to get into the tournament. Huge game.


Everything Is Terrible ( You know how I said I liked Tim and Eric? Forget that. These guys (a Chicago comedy group) use found footage ONLY along with insane editing techniques that create some of the funniest most mesmerizing stuff you'll ever see. Their website is full of clips they've produced, but their real works of art are the DVDs you can order from their site -- hour long works of art made up of thematically related and twisted found footage. Especially recommended "Doggiewoggiez! Poochiewoochiez!" using only footage of corny dog movies, their Christmas special, and the Comedy/Hip-Hop double feature they just released. Check their website for free entertainment. I know it's not exactly a TV show, but it needs to be one, and since this is my last entry I couldn't keep it from you.  If anyone is interested in their hour long specials but doesn't want to risk the money until they know it's good, email me at If you send me a SASE and a blank DVD, I'll make you a copy of one. They wouldn't mind.


Larry Peery: 21 BEST TELEVISION SHOWS OF ALL TIME [[I won’t be counting these in the final tally as they don’t necessarily fall into the challenge category and in some cases are just one episode or a special]]


For me 22 April, 1978 marked the date of the end of television worth watching for entertainment. Why? Read on.

As far as I’m concerned TV serves or should serve three purposes: news, education, and entertainment. A show could do one well, sometimes two, but rarely all three on a consistent basis. That’s what I was looking for when I made up my list.


In no particular order and grouped into categories that might not be perfect matches I’ve picked what I thought were the best shows that were also my favorites. My five top picks are indicated with a *


Sit Cons: I love Lucy, Honeymooners, Maude, All in the Family, Lucille Ball was the greatest, not to mention being one of the shrewdest, TV stars in Hollywood (Only Mae West can compete with her in that department, I think.). The combination of Normal Lear and Bea Arthur was a winner episode after episode. Funny and thought-provoking at the same time.


Sports: Wide World of Sports, The Masters. Wide World of Sports gave me a chance to vicariously enjoy a whole lot of sports I’d never experience in reality. Why The Masters? Because I’m a sucker for a nice green lawn and lots of flowers that I don’t have to take care of.


Drama: Masterpiece Theater, Perry Mason, Hallmark Hall of Fame, The Waltons, Bonanza. Masterpiece Theater because I liked the theme music (J.J.  Mouret, Rondeau from Symphonies & Fanfares for the King, Listen to it played on the organ of Notre Dame de Paris (See, there’s the WDC 2013 link!)


I like this version even better because it has the trumpet in it. Note how the trumpet player looks just like Jim Bob!


Hallmark Hall of Fame broadcast one of television’s seminal events in 1951. I was four years old at the time but I remember the program (it was broadcast every Christmas for many, many years. In the words of Wikipedia:

Amahl and the Night Visitors is an opera in one act by Gian Carlo Menotti with an original English libretto by the composer.[1] It was commissioned by NBC and first performed by the NBC Opera Theatre on December 24, 1951, in New York City at NBC studio 8H in Rockefeller Center, the same studio where it was broadcast live on television from that venue as the debut production of the Hallmark Hall of Fame. It was the first opera specifically composed for television in America.[2]


This link is barely a minute long but in my opinion it’s the most beautiful piece of music written in my lifetime. Give it a listen and see if you can resist the urge to dance to it.


Earle Stanley Gardener and Raymond Burr were both fascinating men, albeit for very different reasons. Perry Mason only ever lost one case. Can you remember which one? Hallmark put on some great TV shows over the years and just seeing that name as the sponsor would make me watch anything they put on. The Waltons taught me what it must have been like for David Hood growing up.   I admired Bonanza but I wasn’t a big fan of it. I must preferred The Big Valley with Barbara Stanwyck.

Variety: Ed Sullivan Show and Bell Telephone House. Ed Sullivan wasn’t much good at anything himself but he definitely had an eye and ear for talent. From rock and roll to the classics, and slapstick comedy to the latest in sports heroes he brought them all to Sunday night TV. In entertainment you weren’t anybody unless you’d be on The Ed Sullivan Show. The Bell Telephone Hour was more high-brow but before Live From Lincoln Center it was one of the few mass audience cultural shows on TV in the early days.


News:Howard K. Smith (ABC News), That Was the Week That Way, Howard K. Smith (on ABC) was my favorite of the Big Three television news anchors that included Walter Cronkite and Huntley and Brinkley. I always got the impression that no matter what the story, Howard K. Smith really understood it. That Was the Week That Was (TWTWTW) was an early import from the UK, I believe. You had to watch and listen carefully to get the news and satire in it. It only ran for two seasons, but it introduced David Frost to American TV.


Documentaries:  Frontline, Victory At Sea. Civilisation. Frontline (PBS) has, for thirty years now, provided thought-provoking and often controversial documentaries on issues and events of the day. Victory at Sea: I remember, as a kid of eight sitting on the floor watching this series with my aunt and uncle. It was 1959 and televisions were still pretty rare. My uncle, who served in the Pacific as a naval engineering officer and was at some of the major battles, never said anything much during the broadcast. He just sat and stared at the TV screen. My aunt told me years later that many times after the broadcast he’d go in his den and just sit there lost in his thoughts.  Here again the music made the show. Listen to the theme music by Richard Rodgers.


Watching Victory at Sea at that tender age helped prepare me for the horrors of all the wars to follow that would fill TV screens for the next sixty years.


Civilisation, the BBC series narrated by Lord Kenneth Clark aired in 1969 and in thirteen weeks taught me more about art than all my classes and all my visits to art museums. It also changed forever the way I pronounced the word “Renaissance.”


Arts: Live From Lincoln Center: Another long-running PBS series that has drifted away from mostly classical to mostly popular programming. Still, with good seats at Lincoln Center running several hundred dollars it offers a poor man’s dose of culture in a time when culture for the masses has become something only the elite can afford.

The Star Made the Show: Jack Paar Show, Julia Child’s Mastering the Art of French Cooking, Bob Dale’s Weather.  From 1957 to 1962 millions of people stayed up late to watch The Tonight Show. It seemed decidedly wicked as a ten year old to be staying up so late to watch a show in the living room that my parents were watching in their bedroom so I wouldn’t know it. Jack was both funny and witty and set a high bar for those who followed him into late night TV hosting. Before there was Julie and Julia the movie (in 2009) there were Julia’s shows on cooking on TV. I actually did what Julie did back in the 1960s, but it took me four years to pull it off. I learned to cook from her first cookbook. I’ll never forget my first effort, making a deboned stuffed leg of lamb. I’d never even seen a leg of lamb before I tackled that challenge. Bob Dale was not a trained weatherman in San Diego back in the ‘50s and ‘60s, but he knew his weather in a day when there were no NOAA or satellite weather pictures. He’d go out on the TV station roof a half hour before the broadcast and then come on TV in his bow tie with his folksy mid-western accent and big smile and tell us it wasn’t going to rain tomorrow and we’d have another beautiful San Diego day. And it would.


Travel: National Geographic, Rick Steve’s Backdoor to Europe. National Geographic made me appreciate nature in all its variety and glory. Rick Steve’s made me appreciate Europe in all its diversity and complexity. Both made me want to get out and travel and I have.


22 April 1978 was the first broadcast of the last episode of Maude.


Note, no *. That’s because these are all my favorites!



Hypothetical of the Month


Last month, we gave you these hypothetical questions or situations: #1 – You are an unmarried woman who wants a child.  Do you try to get pregnant by a casual lover without getting his permission?  #2 – You have an acquaintance who owns a great swimming pool.  You don’t much care for this person.  Do you act friendly for the sake of use of the pool?


Heather Taylor – #1 – No that is not right. If you want a baby that badly go to a sperm bank or adopt.


#2 – No, there are enough people that you "have" to put up with in life. If you want to go swimming there is always the Y or a public pool.


Melinda Holley - #1 - No.  This child would be his child as well.  That's just setting up for so many future problems & heartaches.  And, if he's just a casual lover, what do I know about his family's medical history?  This is stuff you need to know and consider before having a child with someone.


#2 - No, no, and (again) no.  If I do this, the person might actually think I like him/her.  No way.


Andy York - #1 - Pass, too far out of my world view to even contemplate.


#2 - Nope, not even something I'd consider.


Andy Lischett - #1 - No. Permission or not, I would not selfishly have a child without a husband and some expectation that he'd be around for twenty years or so of the kid's life.


#2 - No, even if I could swim.


Tom Howell - #1 - No, no, No, and NO!


#2 –Don't have time for this nonsense, either.


Dick Martin - #1 - yeah, most likely


#2 - nope. there are always other alternative things to do around here.


Rick Desper - #1 - You might as well postulate that I'm a polar bear looking for seals.  How can I imagine what how the female mind works? I can only say that, as a single man, I wouldn't ever get a woman pregnant without her permission.


#2 - I can pretty safely answer 'no' here, since this hypothetical exactly matches a situation from when I was growing up.  I'll act friendly if we share friends, but not solely for the sake of a pool. 


Steve Cooley - #1 - No, it’s both immoral and stupid as it is the #1 cause of poverty.


#2 – No. I wouldn’t do that.


Jack McHugh - #1 - No...I'd never use someone like that...better to find a volunteer.


#2 –No...I'd just join a pool rather than be friendly just to use a pool...


Richard Weiss - #1 - I am an unmarried woman who wants a child and presumably can.  I like this hypothetical already.  Would I have casual sex - sure.  To become pregnant – not consciously.  Try to get pregnant and not tell the other – no.  Would I trust the guy’s condom, in case he was trying to get me pregnant – no.  Casual doesn’t mean stupid.  I have children, so maybe I can’t answer this hypothetical.  I have so many friends who for so many reasons have wanted to become pregnant or become parents and chose so many different pathways.  I know so many families of so many different structures, but no one who deceived to conceive or concealed to conceive.  Ugh.  This hypo seemed to have hit a nerve (not an artery).


#2 - I would re-word the question and say yes.  I have an acquaintance who sometimes invites me to parties at his house, which has a great pool.  I don’t much like the person, would I say yes – probably.  Meet some fun people.  Have some fun.  Be part of his ambience.  However, no to the main question, would I pretend to like the person to be invited to go swimming – no.  Integrity is more important than swimming, which I don’t like much anyway for various reasons including I get seasick when I swim.


Heath Gardner - #1 -  This happened to a close relative of mine without his knowledge. His girlfriend, whom he considered casual at least, has been asking for marriage for a long time, then stopped taking birth control secretly as a means of forcing the issue. A child was conceived, and it resulted in their breakup (not defending my relative, he's a freakin' idiot). The kid gets seen by the father like once a year. I don't think this is ever a good idea. At the same time, my mom got pregnant with me when she was 40, knowing my dad and her were drifting apart/splitting up. So I'm grateful for that... but seriously, if a woman wants a child, there are other ways to get pregnant, artificial insemination etc, you don't have to play Family Diplomacy.


#2 - No, because I can't swim very well, and screw that guy.


Robin ap Cynan - #1 - No, that would be heinous, and expose him to unexpected potential child maintenance/alimony obligations. Shame on me!


#2 – I might- and in the hope that it may turn my indifference into friendship and appreciation in the longer term.


John Biehl - #1 - At first I said Yes thinking this was a 'free choice' argument and that a woman, if she wanted a child, would get pregnant however she wanted to. There are women who do this - mostly young women with low self-esteem. This is what professional social workers and scholars assert. I must, however, vote No on this hypothetical because it is simply irresponsible of a woman nowadays to get pregnant and not have the fathers history (eventually) available to the child. It is also unethical to not inform the casual sex partner of a pregnancy and, likely, in some jurisdictions now, also illegal to not inform. If the woman wants to get pregnant and not have the male involved then just go to a sperm donor bank.


#2 - These hypotheticals, even if they are of consequence (above) or are (here) rather superfluous, it does make one think - what if? I'd sure like to see this fabulous pool especially if it was a really hot summer. However, I'd say No thank-you to an invite. I don't particularly care for this person (for some reason) and they are only an 'acquaintance' - not a friend, so why subject myself to a probably unenjoyable time. There are other ways to get cool and if I actually went to see this 'fabulous' pool I'd have envy to go along with disdain for this person.


For Next Month (For the time being, I am often selecting questions from the game “A Question of Scruples” which was published in 1984 by High Games Enterprises).  Remember you can make your answers as detailed as you wish.: #1 - A building is on fire, and you are the only one who can rescue anybody in time.  Do you save a sibling, or 4 strangers?  #2 - If you were offered a million dollars to cut one of your hands off, would you do it?  What if it was your preferred hand (your right if you are right-handed, etc.)?



The Dining Dead -
The Eternal Sunshine Movie Reviews


We almost made it out to see Dallas Buyers Club, but I had a migraine all weekend so we skipped it.  Instead it was Netflix mostly, including some classics Heather had never seen.


Seen on DVD and Netflix – The Ninth Gate (B, I enjoy the slower European pace of this film, it fits the story); The Spell (C-, I remember this movie from when it was on TV and I was a kid); Ben-Hur (A, Heather had never seen it); Hotel Noir (B, a nice film I supported through Kickstarter, great cast); Becket (A-, another one she never saw); The Apostle (B+, doesn’t hold up as well as I’d hoped but still great); Microcosmos (B+, still cool to watch); The Haunting in Connecticut (C-, typical horror fare).


Couldn’t Fight Our Way Through: House of Voices, Lair of the White Worm, Beware the Gonzo, Brother’s Keeper.


Meet Me In Montauk
The Eternal Sunshine Letter Column


Larry Peery: Hey Ya.  I know how you hate praise but sometimes I can't resist.


#84 was as good as any issue of ES I've seen. I really enjoyed Barbara' trip to London, especially since it didn't cost me a dime. Please pass along my compliments to her.


Considering the size of the issue I do have one concern: will it be bigger than the forth-coming DW issue? That is not allowed. :-)


[[As you discovered, you were concerned needlessly.]]


Be not afraid, if you need it I have a Peeriblah masterpiece of 104 pages called "The Greatest Mistakes Allan Calhamer Ever Made in Designing Diplomacy." It has to do with such things as his failure to include Andorra as a space between Spain and France, etc. JUST KIDDING!


I'm delighted with all these new games you and Heath are running, but I follow one of my Grandmother's Parker's Golden Rules of Investing one of which said never invest in a stock in which you could not tell what they did by their name. My take on that is to never play a game which I cannot understand on the first reading of the Rules. :-)


[[Deviant is the only hard one, the rest are just map variants.]]


Andy York: In the lettercol, Per mentions the World Cup and you note that you offered to run a United League at one time. I'm still interested (though I'd seriously have to dust off the rules) if you want to put it out as a feeler again.


Have you considered doing a graphic representation of the changes over time for the Eternal Sunshine Index? It's nice seeing the month to month change, but the historical pattern also would be interesting to see.


[[Do you mean per person?  Because I usually print the overall index chart going back to inception, but it simply didn’t fit in the issue this time around.]]


Andy Lischett: Movie Quiz: Gosh, I hope we switch back to pictures.


[[How many of you would like to go back to movie photos next time around?]]


Dane Maslen: Having now finished selecting 21 TV series, I am firmly of the opinion that it was a mistake for my early selections to be themed.  Instead they should have been those series that definitely needed to be on the list.  As it is, there are a few of my 21 selections that I would now remove and pit against the 19 series that failed to make it into the 21.  'Thunderbirds' and 'Torchwood' would probably drop from the list, while 'Doctor Who' and 'Dad's Army' would probably get put back in after further consideration.


The 19 series that would battle for the two freed up spaces are:

  Alias Smith and Jones (US)

  Bird of Prey (UK)

  Blackadder (UK)

  Blake's 7 (UK)

  The Bridge (Denmark/Sweden)

  Buffy the Vampire Slayer (US)

  Frasier (US)

  Hogan's Heroes (US)

  Horizon (UK)

  I Dream of Jeannie (US)

  M*A*S*H (US)

  The Magic Rounabout (France)

  The Man from U.N.C.L.E. (US)

  Max Headroom (UK)

  Randall and Hopkirk Deceased (UK)

  Red Dwarf (UK)

  Star Trek (US)

  Star Trek DS9 (US)

  The X-Files (US)


Only 'The Bridge' is current, recently having started its second series.  Given that the second series seems to be living up to the quality of the first, it would probably take one of the two slots, but which series would take the other?  I have a "yes, but..." feeling about many of the above list:

  'Alias Smith and Jones' would have been better if only Pete Duel hadn't topped himself after the first series.

  'Bird of Prey' was very good but ran to only eight episodes (technically four were called 'Bird of Prey 2').

  I never saw beyond series 3 of 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' so don't feel that I can rate it properly.

  'Horizon' used to be excellent but seems to have been dumbed down considerably in recent years.

  'The Man from U.N.C.L.E.' was enjoyable nonsense when I was a kid, but would it really stand up to watching again?

  'Star Trek' was excellent in its day, but I feel it was eclipsed by the later series in the franchise, especially 'Star Trek: The Next Generation'.  Only the dire 'Star Trek: Voyager' failed to surpass the original.

  'The X-Files' would have been a lot better if they'd cut out all the poorly thought-out conspiracy episodes.


I suspect the final selection would be one of 'Hogan's Heroes', 'Randall and Hopkirk Deceased', 'Red Dwarf' and 'Star Trek DS9'.  Or maybe two of them would make the cut, pushing either 'Dr Who' or 'Dad's Army' from the list after all.  Who knows?  I certainly don't.


Richard Weiss: World Cup

The first round of the World Cup starts 12 June and ends 26 June (a Thursday).  The Round of 16 is played on 28 June through 1 July.  Quarter finals on 4/7 (month goes at the end in the rest of the world) (Okay, America’s birthday, the 4th of July) and 5 July.  Semis on the 8th and 9th.  The final match on 13 July.  There are eight groups (A through H) each of four teams.  Two advance from each Group.  Rules for advancement are complicated, but starts with “points” with 3 points awarded for a win and one for a draw. 


I don’t know much about soccer and don’t care much about it, so would be a great person to run the game.  I’d be happy to use Per’s rules or someone else’s. 


My thoughts include the simple (Items 1 & 2 below) to more complicated (Items 1-4):


1)    Each entrant picks two teams in each group.  The points for wins (3) and draws (1) for the entrant’s 16 teams are added up and count toward the final score. 

2)    Each entrant picks the final four and the World Cup winner.  For each victory in the Round of 16 and the rest of the way, each time an entrant’s team wins, the entrant gets 3 more points.  No one can score points for the World Cup game winner unless he or she picked them.  All the points from these games are added to the points gained during the First Round.  Selections for both round occur at the same time – hopefully in time for the April edition and if that is too early, then the May.  Hopefully not too many more high scorers will become injured in the interim.

3)    Goals Scored: 

a.    Each entrant gets $100 to bid for three players.  Each goal scored, whether regulation or shoot-out, gives the entrant one point that gets added to the final score. Only one entrant can have any given player.  Can bid zero dollars for some players, if want to go all in on one player.  (This would work if there aren’t a lot of entrants; or,

b.    Each entrant picks some small number of players (say 3 or 4).  The same soccer player can be on multiple entrant’s “squad.”  This would work well if there were a lot of entrants.

4)    Goalies, I’m not sure how to score.  Hopefully there are some standards in Fantasy Soccer that Per, Peter, or others could recommend.  We could count two points per shutout and one for a one goal game.  We could have a maximum number of points and subtract the average goals against per game.  We could select based on bidding from the $100 or select X number.  Since I don’t really know how many goals a player might score during the tournament, I don’t know how to bring some parity to the points from the teams


[[So, anybody interested?]]


General Drivel (you may call me, “Sir,” however.)


Compliments to the Editor in Chief for another excellent issue.  I’m starting to get confused as to what is in which subzine and when one subzine or subsubzine ends and a new one begins.  Any chance the editor in chief could do something, maybe color coordinate the thick line (now brickish in color) at the bottom of each page, for the different zines???  Just askin’…


[[They generally have different fonts, does that not help?]]


I see an opening for African Diplomacy in Octopus’ Garden.  I think I played in the first two games Phil ran.  I was Zaire in one and South Africa in another.  I don’t think either game ever ended, not sure why I think that or if it was related to his health.  Thinking of Phil somehow reminds me of the greatest hoax of play-by-mail diplomacy that I know of.  What was her name again?  Sarah?  Maybe we could get JimBob to write a special column? (pretty please with brown sugar on it.) Has the story ever appeared in Diplomacy World?


[[I think it has, but Jim-Boob would remember better….]]


There are two well attended game nights in Sacramento, listed in social media MeetUp.  One is in a huge, back room “warehouse” at a gaming store and most people play Magic there.  The other is Tuesday 6 – 11 PM and the owner of a restaurant is kind enough to let us take over the back of the restaurant, more or less invisible to those in the front, unless they go to the bathrooms.  10 – 30 people, ordinarily.  This week played Blockers (fun and easy to teach the basics) and Compound.  Compound was making chemical compounds out of elements.  Scoring was on an element chart.  4 of the 5 players had a chance to win on the last turn (not my type of game).  Lots of chance involved in picking elements each turn out of a bag.  Worst part of the game was the trading of elements.  I HATE trading games.  I HATE those who make nonsensical trades that help another and then expect (and get) a return favor.  Three women played and gave each other pretty much anything the other wanted if not going to use, including some trades that then resulted in tossing the return element.  Yeah, the three of them were neck-and-neck and one won.  There appeared to be strategy involved as far as which elements to build based on bonuses they gave, sort of like evolution in Ursuppe.  No one understood that and the print was too small for me to read (blame, blame, grouch, grouch).


King of Tokyo has been the most fun new find for me.  I think I’ll bring Acquire next time and see if I can get some players.  I did hear mention of a possible monthly Saturday gaming for long games and heard my favorite “Dune” mentioned by one person.


[[Chris Hassler still runs  Dune in his ezine….]]



Eternal Sunshine Index – ESI

A Scientific Measure of Zine Health

Current Index: 66.29 +1.45%





The Eternal Sunshine Index is a stock-market-like index of the zine. You don’t do anything in this game, except write press or commentary on price movements (or why you think your stock should have gone up or down).  I move the prices beginning with next issue based on my own private formula of quantity and quality zine participation (NMR’s, press, columns, etc.).  Any new zine participants become new issues valued at at 50, but the stock for anyone who disappears will remain listed.  The average of all listed stocks will result in the ESI closing value each month, which will be charted issue to issue after we have a few months’ worth of data.  If you don’t like the stock symbol I have assigned you, you may petition the exchange to change it.  Blame Phil Murphy for suggesting this section to me.


Market Commentary: The absence of NMR’s, the inclusion of many subzines and columns, and the high participation rates keep the index steadily climbing to new highs.  This is despite some former players working their way down to the inevitable 0.01, if they don’t return.




% +/-

AJK - Allison Kent



ALM - Hank Alme



AMB - Amber Smith



AND - Lance Anderson



BAB - Chris Babcock



BAT - Andy Bate



BIE - John Biehl



BLA - Larry Peery



BRG - Martin Burgdorf



BWD - Brad Wilson



CAK - Andy Lischett



CAL - Cal White



CHC - Chuy Cronin



CIA - Tom Swider



CKW - Kevin Wilson



CKY - Carol Kay



DAN - Dane Maslen



DBG - David Burgess



DGR - David Grabar



DTC - Brendan Whyte



DUK - Don Williams



FRD - Fred Wiedemeyer



FRG - Jeremie Lefrancois



FRT - Mark Firth



GAR - Heath Gardner



GRA - Graham Wilson



HAP - Hugh Polley



HDT - Heather Taylor



HLJ - Harley Jordan



JOD - Jeff O'Donnell



KMP - Geoff Kemp



KVT - Kevin Tighe



LAT - David Latimer



LCR - Larry Cronin



MRK - Mark Nelson



MCC - David McCrumb



MCR - Michael Cronin



MIM - Michael Moulton



MRC - Marc Ellinger



OTS - Tom Howell



PER - Per Westling



PJM - Phil Murphy



QUI - Michael Quirk



RAC - Robin ap Cynan



RDP - Rick Desper



REB - Melinda Holley



RED - Paraic Reddington



RWE - Richard Weiss



SAK - Jack McHugh



TAP - Jim Burgess



VOG - Pat Vogelsang



WAY - W. Andrew York



WLK - Richard Walkerdine



WWW - William Wood



YLP - Paul Milewski






Where in the World is Kendo Nagasaki?


Rules in ES #58.  Send in your guesses.  I’ve played this in Brandon Whyte’s Damn the Consequences a few times and it’s fun, takes only a minute or two each turn, and helps you work your brain!  As soon as this one ends, a new one will begin.




John Biehl:


Copernicus in Istanbul, Turkey


Mark Firth:


Mario Andretti in Daytona, Florida


Jamie McQuinn:


Harry Shearer in Quito, Ecuador


Kevin Wilson:


Isaac Asimov in Lagos, Nigeria


Andy Lischett:


James Brown (the singer) in Brownsville, Texas


Andy Bate:


Martina Navratilova in Anchorage, Alaska


Brendan Whyte:


Diana Rigg in Anchorage, Alaska


Heath Gardner:


Terry Gilliam in London, England


Paraic Reddington:


Charles Manson in Nashville, Tennessee


Tom Howell:


Martin Luther in Antananarivo, Madagascar


Richard Weiss:


Oliver Cromwell in Lusaka, Zambia


Hank Alme:


Charles Dickens in Kabul, Afghanistan


Jim Burgess:


Thomas Jefferson in Monrovia, Liberia


Marc Ellinger:


Sir Isaac Newton in Brasilia, Brazil


Jack McHugh:


Benito Mussolini in Rio de Janeiro


Hint to the Person in the Closest Geographical Guess: I was in the same overall industry as you, but a different part of it.




Jim Burgess:


Frank Sinatra in Mesquite, TX


Brendan Whyte:


Pope Francis in Curitiba, Parana, Brazil


Tom Howell:


Bishop Desmond Tutu in Alice Springs, Australia


Andy Lischett:


Paul Revere in Chihuahua, Mexico


Heath Gardner:


Rick Rubin in Raleigh, North Carolina


Marc Ellinger:


Luciano Pavarotti in Seoul, South Korea


Jack McHugh:


Jim Henson in Dallas, Texas


Kevin Wilson:


Luciano Pavarotti in El Paso, TX


Andy Bate:


Michelle Shocked in Amsterdam, Netherlands


Hank Alme:


Ulysses S. Grant in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam


Rick Desper:


Albert Einstein in Buenos Aires, Argentina


John Biehl:


Nelson Mandela in Istabul


Richard Weiss:


Nelson Mandela in Durban, South Africa


Mark Firth:


Sam Goldwyn in Birmingham, UK


Hint to the Person in the Closest Geographical Guess: We both had distinctive voices, but mine was quirkier, and I gained fame without it.





Kevin Wilson:


Berry Gordy in Boise, Idaho


Jim Burgess:


Charlie Chaplin in El Paso, Texas


Brendan Whyte:


Marty Feldman in Austin, TX


Andy Lischett:


Ed Sullivan in Albuquerque, New Mexico


Tom Howell:


Clara Bow in Los Angeles, CA


Jack McHugh:


Charlie Chaplin in New Orleans, LA


Andy Bate:


Adam Buxton in Moscow, Russia.


Richard Weiss:


Charlie Chaplin in Los Angeles, CA


Marc Ellinger:


Michael Jackson in Oklahoma City, OK


Hank Alme:


Lady GaGa in Essen, Germany


Rick Desper:


Liberace in Houston, Texas


Heath Gardner:


Stephen Hawking in Pyongyang, North Korea


John Biehl:


Pope John Paul II in Perth, Australia


Mark Firth:


Zsa Zsa Gabor in Fort Hood, Texas


Hint to the Person in the Closest Geographical Guess: I was a contemporary of yours, and I have been identified by someone else.


Deadline for Turn 4 is: February 25th at 7am my time


Civil Disorder Removal and Other Matters

by Paul Milewski


Rule XIV.4 CIVIL DISORDER REMOVALS in the 1976 Rules for Diplomacy, unchanged in the “2nd Edition/Feb. ’82” rules and in the “3rd Edition – 1992” rules, reads as follows:


If a country in civil disorder has to remove units, because it has lost supply centers, the unit farthest from home (most distant from the nearest home supply center as computed by the shortest available route, including convoys) is removed first, the fleet before the army.  If more units are equally eligible for removal than should be removed, priority is established by the names of the space in which they are located, the earliest in alphabetical order coming off first.



            Suppose Austria only controls Venice and is left with A Ven, A Tyr, F Alb and F Adr (4 units) on the board.  It has to remove 3 of those 4.  All are equally distant from the nearest home supply center (one space away, or “adjacent to” a home supply center).  No one of those 4 is farthest from home than any of the others as “farthest from home” is defined in the parenthetical.  The rule of long standing calls for removing the 2 fleets and then choosing between the two armies based on alphabetical order, (T)yrolia before (V)enice.  Austria is left with one unit, A Ven, on the board.  Suppose instead that Austria controls only Venice but is left only with F Alb and F Adr on the board.  F Adr would be removed based on alphabetical order.

The corresponding provision in the “4th Edition 2000” rules departs drastically from those previous editions:


If a country in civil disorder has to remove units, the units farthest from the country are removed first.  If units are equally distant, then remove Fleets before Armies and then in alphabetical order by the provinces in which they are located.


            “Farthest from the home country” is a lot different from “most distant from the nearest home supply center as computed by the shortest available route, including convoy.”  Suppose Austria only controls Venice and is left with A Ven, A Tyr, F Alb and F Adr (4 units) on the board.  It has to remove 3 of those 4, but this time A Tyr Is in the country.  The other 3 have to go.  Austria is left with one unit, A Ven, on the board.


            “Then remove Fleets before Armies and then in alphabetical order…” denotes a process of two discrete steps, one occurring before the other, as in “then add sugar and then add lemon.”  This has a different meaning than “then add sugar and lemon” insofar as it does not dictate that the sugar be added first.  One hopes the meaning of the 4th edition was intended to be “remove Fleets in alphabetical order by the provinces in which they are located and then remove Armies in alphabetical order by the provinces in which they are located.”


Outside of this peculiar departure from precedent regarding civil disorder removals, also new with the “4th Edition 2000” rules is the definition that “there are three types of provinces: inland, water and coastal.”  This is just plain weird.  The 1976 rulebook stated that “the Great Powers are also cut into ‘provinces’ by light, solid, black lines” and that “the seas are divided into ‘bodies of water’ by light, solid, black lines.”  Also, “each province or body of water is a ‘space.’”


Also new in the “4th Edition 2000” rules is the bit about “preventing foreign powers from kidnapping an Army and convoying it against its will.”  The new rule is, “if at least one of the convoying Fleets belongs to the player who controls the Army, then the convoy is used” and “the land route is disregarded.”  Furthermore, “if none of the convoying Fleets belongs to the player who controls the army, then the land route is used” although “the player controlling the army can use the convoy route if he/she indicated ‘via convoy’ on the Army move order in question.”  In the case of England A Pic—Bel and France A Bel—Pic, F Eng C English A Pic—Bel the convoy order would be ignored and neither A PIc or A Bel would move unless England had ordered “A Pic—Bel via convoy.”  This arguably is a big improvement over XII.6 BOTH A CONVOY ROUTE AND AN OVERLAND ROUTE in the “2nd Edition/Feb. ’82” rules:  “If an army could arrive at its destination either overland or by convoy, one route must be considered and the other disregarded, depending upon intent as shown by the totality of the orders written by the player governing the army.”  That was new to the “2nd Edition/Feb. ’82” rules and was reproduced word for word in the “3rd Edition – 1992” rules, which goes to show how little thought the people who write these rules give to them.


Frobozz house rules provided that, in the case of civil disorder removals, “those units which are not in supply centers will be removed first.”  No Fixed Address house rules provided that “players may not ‘refuse’ a support or convoy order from another country.”  It gets worse.  A GM may have his own interpretation of “most distant from the nearest home supply center as computed by the shortest available route, including convoys” but it may not be included in his house rules.  For instance, a body of water containing no fleet cannot be included in computing “the shortest available route.”  I think these problems may arise from the people who write the rules, and the people who play the game, thinking of Diplomacy as a military simulation instead of just a role playing game.



Brain Farts: The Only Subsubzine With It’s Own Fragrance

By Jack “Flapjack” McHugh –

(or just email Doug and he’ll send it to me)

Issue #63




I thought I had a shitty contract job, but they keep pushing the start date back a few days at a time so I don’t know if I am working or not.  If I don’t have a job I’ll be homeless soon.  I am so tired of this hanging off the cliff bullshit, and it never ends.


This won’t be much of a subzine.  I just don’t care.  Fuck the world and everybody in it.





This is if I still had a damn job:






Excerpts from Len Deighton’s Blood, Tears, and Folly

Selected by Paul Milewski


A blurb on the back cover says:


Despite the volumes written about World War II, many questions remain unanswered.  In this balanced and thoughtful chronicle, historian and World War II expert Len Deighton dares to explore intriguing questions, including why the British weren’t more prepared for the Blitz and why Hitler failed to thoroughly support his U-boat program.  He also warns that we haven’t yet learned the lessons of World War II, as ethnic cleansing, Middle East violence, and the widening gap between rich and poor still plague the world.”



My copy shows an ISBN-13 OF 978-0-06-092557-4.  (The ISBN-10 is the same only without the 978 at the beginning.)  I’m only a little more than halfway through this 601-page tome, but my first choice is the first paragraph of the introduction:



It is a national characteristic beloved of the British to see themselves as a small cultured island race of peaceful intentions, only roused when faced with bullies, and with a God-given mission to disarm cheats.  Rather than subjugating and exploiting poor people overseas, they prefer the image of emancipating them.  English school history books invite us to rally with Henry V to defeat the overwhelming French army at Agincourt, or to join Drake in a leisurely game of bowls before he boards his ship to rout the mighty Armada and thwart its malevolent Roman Catholic King.  The British also cherish their heroes when they are losers.  The charge of the Light Brigade is seen as an honourable sacrifice rather than a crushing defeat for brave soldiers at the hands of their incompetent commanders.  Disdaining technology, Captain Scott arrived second at the South Pole and perished miserably.  Such legendary exploits were ingrained in the collective British mind when in 1939, indigent and unprepared, the country went to war and soon was hailing the chaotic Dunkirk invasion as a triumph.



            Deighton reproduces (in English) the text of a leaflet the Germans “ahd prepared to guide their occupation force through the complexities of British social life.”  (In his footnotes, Deighton writes that “one copy that was not scrapped is in my collection.”)





1.     The Englishman  suffers from a certain lack of imagination when faced with new situations.  Therefore he reacts more slowly to given instructions or inquiries than do most European people.  His slowness in reaction is not necessarily malevolent.


2.     The greatest strength of the Englishman is to appear ignorant (stupid).   He is a master of questioning others while not giving away anything of himself.  When he disagrees he almost always has a hidden purpose.  Mostly by disagreeing he wants to get others to speak.


3.     The Englishman doesn’t like to say yes or no, he doesn’t like to commit himself and is a master at the art of evasion.  Instead of yes he likes to say: “It’s possible”.  Instead of no:  “That might be difficult”.  The Englishman will not tell others, even when they ask, that they have done something wrong, he doesn’t correct.


4.     The Englishman is very reserved.  Pushiness is considered in bad taste in England.  It is considered extremely tactless to intrude in another’s domain, or to push oneself upon someone.  That explains the cool attitude to strangers.  Compared to the Englishman the Scotsman is avowedly taciturn, the Welshman is much more open-minded and temperamental.  With him one has to watch his cunning.


5.     The Englishman is used to having even orders and instructions preceded with the word “Please”, whereas the word “verboten” will automatically arouse resistance in him.


6.     Extreme friendliness and humour especially pay off with members of the public (lower class.)  With a joke one achieves more than with an order when dealing with a workman.


7.     The working class man, when handled with reserve and friendliness, is easily trusted (won over).  He is then reliable up to a certain level and will be grateful for being treated decently.


8.  The English woman of all classes is used to an unusual amount of consideration and courtesy from the opposite sex.


Wikipedia’s biography of Len Cyril Deighton mentions that he was born: February 18, 1929 in Marylebone in England (Marylebone is an affluent inner-city area of central London, located within the City of Westminster, sometimes written as St. Marylebone), that he was educated at Central Saint Martins College of Art and Design, Royal College of Art.  He received the Martin Beck Award.  (The Martin Beck Award is an award given by the Swedish Crime Writers' Academy (Svenska Deckarakademin) for the best crime novel in translation.)  It is one of the most prestigious international crime-writing awards. He was nominated for the Locus Award for Best Science Fiction Novel and Edgar Award for Best Novel.  My favorites are his spy novels.



As usual, my contribution to Eternal Sunshine is wholly devoid of proper literary attribution.



Octopus’s Garden

Issue Eighty-Six

25th January 2014



HELLO, good evening and welcome to Octopus’s Garden, the subzeen with its very own 7 x 7 Gunboat Diplomacy tournament gamestart. It is a subzeen to Jim Burgess’ The Abyssinian Prince, which is now a subzeen to Douglas Kent's Eternal Sunshine. It's produced by Peter Sullivan, It's also available on the web at:


Gamestart – 7 x 7 Gunboat Diplomacy


Player A: Unknown

Player B: Unknown

Player C: Unknown

Player D: Unknown

Player E: Unknown

Player F: Unknown

Player G: Unknown


Game 1: “Schuyler Colfax” (2014?? rb32)

Game 2: “Henry Wilson” (2014?? rb32)

Game 3: “William A. Wheeler” (2014?? rb32)

Game 4: “Chester A. Arthur” (2014?? rb32)

Game 5: “Thomas A. Hendricks” (2014?? rb32)

Game 6: “Levi P. Morton” (2014?? AF rb32)

Game 7: “Adlai Stevenson” (2014?? AG rb32)


GENEVA: OK, so after a few hassles (including one potential player managing to identify himself via a mailing list posting), we now have seven names and are ready to start. I'll send a more detailed game-start to the players, so that they know which country they are playing in each of the seven games.

The deadline for Spring 1901 orders is FRIDAY, 14st FEBRUARY, 2014, to Peter Sullivan, I'm not sure if having a Spring 1901 deadline on Valentine's Day is ironic, post-ironic or whatever. But as usual with Gunboat, if I have all the orders in earlier, I'll adjudicate earlier.

Houserules for this game are at


That was Octopus's Garden #86, Startling Press production 373.


An Eternal Sunshine subzine by Heath Gardner

Deadline: Just Repeat it to yourself: Five Days Before Doug’s!


I don’t know these guys, but they are true heroes. (image from boardgamegeek)


Welcome to the second issue of Equinox, WHERE THERE IS A GUNBOAT GAMESTART (see below). Equinox is the only subzine to feature A PRESS COMPETITION IN EVERY DIP GAME. All games are black press (you can use any dateline except the GM’s reserved one, which is RALEIGH, NC.) YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE A PLAYER IN THE GAME TO WIN THE CONTEST.

“The hell you say!” you say. (Having fun with redundancy). But, seriously, folks: every time I process a turn in a game, I will run as much press as you send. And each turn, a person’s press will be graded TOTALLY subjectively, depending on my mood, taste, the weather, etc. And scores are kept completely secret until the end of the game. The general rule for observers is if you manage to seriously complicate a game with your press OR provide regular hilarity OR provide trenchant commentary OR a number of other things, you’ll be getting a lot of points. Players earn press points from me in those ways and more.


“The why you say?” PRIZES. That’s right people, P-R-I-Z-E-S. I am a book junkie, have read voraciously my whole life, every Christmas and birthday receive as many books as my mom could afford to buy me that year, and make monster runs on used book stores myself nowadays. We have way more books than we have book space. And these aren’t bad books by any means, just well-used ones that are ready for new homes.


SO! If you win a press competition, you name a genre, and I will give you about 5 choices.  If you wish to remain anonymous and not claim your black press, you will still receive the award, we’ll just have to do the deal in secret!


IF I decide, after you choose the book, that it’s actually too cool to part with, you’ll receive a used copy purchased on Amazon.


This is rank bribery, I’m aware – but I want lively press. I want press that would make Jim Burgess blush! I want press written by Jim Burgess while blushing! I want press that would make Jim Belushi burgess! Get to getting folks!!


It has been a very creatively fertile (hopefully just for me, not for my wife, amirite?) few weeks for me. I have been getting a lot of my own creative writing done as well as work-work. I wrote an 8000 word story draft, which I’ve called Poker for Beginners, which I think is the best thing I’ve ever written. I am doing a major rewrite of it tomorrow and using this subzine to put it off, but I’ve got it all written on the page in pen. It just needs to come together on the screen. Should be cut down a bit when it’s done, closer to 7500 words. Having focused more on a novel that I’ve written into a corner the past couple of years, I had almost forgotten the joy of short story writing, the setting out to create and complete and rework and rework.


I sent it to some writers I know who are exacting critics – I’m lucky to have a lot of connections in this field, because my mom is one of the many dozens of celebrated North Carolina authors – and she’s friends with/I grew up around all of them. I got some amazing feedback and an invite to a writing group. Just continuing to ride this wave, why the hell not?


We got a Lenovo all-in-one desktop, so I’m not clickety-clacking on the damn tiny laptop keyboard anymore (it’s actually full size, I just have huge hands, and you know what that means…. That’s right, I’m able to hold bigger apples while I’m picking apples. What did you think I meant?).  The new computer has been fantastic for work related stuff. Big HD touch screen monitor, so I can get chocolate all over my screen like a 5 year old (hasn’t happened yet, but it will.)


Last time, I listed the things I was reading, listening to, watching and playing. I WAS interested in doing that again this time, and listing some other people’s submissions on that front, but I only got one submission, from Scott Allen. The thing is, he sent me a KICKASS submission. Not only did he respond to every category, he sent me a book review. So I’m going to again sound the call – please send me brief capsule reviews of things you’re currently reading or recently have read, movies and shows watched, music listened to, games played. That way we can all learn some new stuff. I am going to hold back Mr. Allen’s lists, in the hopes I’ll get more submissions. But look for his book review of Neil Gaiman’s The Ocean at the End of the Lane at the bottom of the zine! It’s a great review, and I’m personally sold on the book. I’m a fan of Gaiman’s work, though no expert! But first…



GAMES!! First we do word games, then we do Dip games.


You know the drill here, folks – you send me a person and a place, I’ve got an answer already in mind, and I can confirm that it is a human being that is lived or has lived, somewhere in the world… in an at least medium-sized city, hamlet, town or township. Probably won’t be the most obvious city in the world but you never know. I’m not going to make you find this person by exact latitude and longitude. (Read: I don’t want to deal with that level of detail.) I will notify the CLOSEST geographically by email that they were the closest, and publish a clue somehow linking THEIR person guess and the actual answer.

Got several submissions.  BUT NEXT TIME I WANT MORE! Heeere we go.. Round 1.

Jim Burgess

Theodore Roosevelt in Paramaribo, Suriname

Tom Howell

Leo Africanus in Oualata, Mauritania

Rick Desper

Jennifer Lawrence in Germantown, MD

Chris Babcock

Mitt Romney in Fukushima, Japan

Richard Weiss

Oliver Cromwell in Irkutsk, Russia

Andy Lischett

Denver Pyle in Denver, Colorado

Kevin Wilson

Francis Crick in Melbourne, Australia

Mike Ruttinger

Agatha Christie in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

Doug Kent

Stephen King in Stockholm, Sweden

Mark Firth

Sheldon Cooper in the Pygmalion Club, Valletta, Malta.


HINT TO CLOSEST GUESS: We’re both humans. Oh, you wanted more than that? OK, well.. you were born about 10 years or so before me… but we died within a few years of each other.


FACTS IN FIVE. Signed up: many. I have decided to not announce who is signed up, because I want MORE to sign up in response to these categories. Remember, for each of these categories, you are trying to give examples WHOSE KEY WORD .. not necessarily the first word .. .starts with each of the letters given. That’s five times five answers per round. If more than one person writes the same thing as you, you get two points. For each valid answer, you get one point. If your answer is invalid, zilch. I will be selecting categories, then letters completely randomly. PRESS WELCOMED..




Ways to Say I Love You

Pop Music

Professions That Require Special Training/Schooling


P, L, N, O, S   (note, if I ever draw 5 random letters and they spell something dirty, it’s an honorary point for the GM).


WOULD YOU RATHER?!: OK, folks, I get it, this one crashed and burned. Message received, JERKS! J just kidding. However, with interest in both Kendo and FiF, I’m happy. On to…



“Don’t Taze Me, Bro!”

All players have been notified, the trap is set, the game is on.


All 7 nations have units at their starting positions… you’d hope so, anyway.


Orders are due, as with everything in this zine, FIVE DAYS BEFORE DOUG’S. And write LOTS OF PRESS, remember, PRESS IS OPEN TO NON-PLAYERS. And I have asked one player to actually play Switzerland and attempt to win the press game. So get creative as possible. Remember, quality over quantity, but quantity ain’t bad.



“Bob Denver’s Accordion”

Dramatis Personae:

The quote inspiring the title: "I am not a demon. I am a lizard, a shark, a heat-seeking panther. I want to be Bob Denver on acid playing the accordion." -Nicolas Cage

Austria - Mike Ruttinger -

England - Doug Kent -

France - Kal Miller -

Germany - Rob Draniczarek -

Italy - Mark Firth -

Russia - Mark Gallagher -

Turkey - Scott Allen -

The "rules" for Deviant were printed in the last issue and have been sent to all players as well.

I am going to do this game a little differently than my other games (typical deadline: five days before doug's). If no one objects, I am setting this as a 2 week deadline game for every phase, and, if we make more than one turn before the next issue, will print a digest.

With that in mind, the deadline for S1901 RULE PROPOSALS -- MOVES NOT DUE YET -- will be Mon Feb 10, 8 pm United States Eastern time.

I will then publish the rule proposals via emial and people will submit votes along with S1901 moves.

Please have fun, be as creative as you want, and don't explicitly TRY to make the GM's life hell (Doug, Jim Burgess told me you would.... I'm watching you...)


DIPLOMACY HOUSE RULES. I didn’t run these last time, so here you are. They’re very simple.

1.     Any level of deception is okay except deceiving or impersonating the GM.

2.     ALL games EXCEPT Deviant will have deadlines of FIVE DAYS BEFORE DOUG’S.

3.     Non-DIAS draws are allowed.

4.     Standby players needed, if a player NMRs, I’ll seek out a standby.

5.     We will be doing AMERICAN style split seasons, though it only takes TWO player requests to divide the seasons.

6.     All games are black press and the press competition, described above, is OPEN TO ALL, NOT PLAYERS ONLY.

DIP GAME OPENINGS:  (And others by request)

Gunboat Diplomacy. Black Press. Anonymous. Will keep pumping these out as long as people keep signing up. Needs 7.

Modern Diplomacy (no stinkin’ Wings!) – signed up: Doug Kent, need 9 more. Variant info:

Stonehenge Diplomacy – Signed up: Doug Kent, Geoff Kemp. Needs 7 more.  Variant info here:

Nuclear Yuppie Evil Empire Diplomacy – signed up: Richard Weiss, needs 6 more. Folks, this is a small time commitment: just a Spring, a Fall, and a WTF happened here? Diplomacy with nukes that are fired by all nations in S1901 and vaporize centers, spaces and units. Last one standing – or last one standing with the most supplies – wins.  Variant info here:

Scott Allen’s Corner


This will be a regular feature – a review, opinion, story, or any other piece from Scott Allen, a fellow English major Diplomacy player introduced to us via Jim Burgess’ TAP.  


The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman


I've had a difficult time deciding how to go about writing a review about this book. I mean, I absolutely love it--no questions about that. But how to write about the book to express what this book was to me? That was a difficult one.

One section sticks out in my mind and may help me explain what I am trying to get to.

"Grown-ups don't look like grown-ups on the inside either. Outside they're big and thoughtless and they always know what they're doing. Inside, they look just like they always have. Like they did when they were your age. The truth is, there aren't any grown-ups. Not one, in the whole wide world.[...] I thought about adults. I wondered if that was true: if they were all really children wrapped in adult bodies, like children's books hidden in the middle of dull, long adult books, the kind with no pictures or conversations."

This book is not for adults. It is a children's book (a fairy tale if you will) wrapped up in an adult book. To truly be able to enjoy The Ocean at the End of the Lane, one must leave their adult life and exist, for a time, in the realm of childish things. That cross over, the transition from serious adult life to child-like wonder is a seamless one. While you exist in the adult story of this book everything seems in focus and crisp. Then as you transition things become foggy, dream-like. But once in the realm of the child, once again things re-focus and you can see clearly.

"Children, as I have said, use back ways and hidden paths, while adults take roads and official paths."

The book is about a man who upon visiting his childhood home becomes engulfed in memory. Remembering fantastic things that happened to him as a boy. Things that are difficult for our adult brain to imagine, but easy for the child in us to believe.

The story is mythic and dark and beautiful. The kind of story that any well-read book lover will immediately connect with, if not also recognize. This isn't just a well written book, this is myth and legend. This is the stuff of fairy tales and tall tales, told around a fire in a cave. A modern fairy tale.

"Adults follow paths. Children explore. Adults are content to walk the same way, hundreds of times, or thousands; perhaps it never occurs to adults to step off the paths, to creep beneath rhododendrons, to find the spaces between fences."

And Neil Gaiman...I cannot even express how genius and wonderful he is. I've read several other works of his, but this is his masterpiece. His writing is crisp, his images beautiful. His characters, while created beings, feel like people that I knew during my childhood--they are that fleshed out. They live in our reality. I cannot say that they don't because they seem real to me.

This is such a special special book. I cannot do enough to recommend it to everyone I know. If you want to give yourself a gift, read this book. Stop whatever you are doing, whatever rubbish you are reading at the moment and read this book.

"I do not miss childhood, but I miss the way I took pleasure in small things, even as greater things crumbled. I could not control the world I was in, could not walk away from things or people or moments that hurt, but I found joy in the things that made me happy."

This book is one of those small things. Created to make you happy. If you do not smile and glow as you are hitting the last few pages of this book, then you are not human nor have you ever been. This is the stuff of humanity. A once in a life-time book.

On the back cover, Joanne Harris says, "Some books you read. Some books you enjoy. But some books (like this one) just swallow you up, heart and soul." And I agree.

That’s All, Folks! See you next time. Heath.gardner@gmail

Game Openings

Diplomacy (Black Press – Permanent Opening in ES): Signed up: Paul Milewski, Arthur Shulman, Brad Wilson, Mark Firth, Heath Gardner, needs two more.

African Dip: Phil Reynolds’ fun map variant.  Rules and map in issue #84.  Signed up: Gardner, K. Wilson, needs 4 more.

The following indented listings are just SOME of the games now offered in Heath Gardner’s new subzine Equinox.  Make sure you sign up with him directly for these, not with me.  And check out his subzine to see what other games are offered, including his own game of Kendo Nagasaki.

Modern Diplomacy: A 10-player variant including powers like Poland, Egypt, and Ukraine.  Run by Heath Gardner in his new subzine Equinox.  Contact him at to sign up or to ask for rules and a map.  Signed up: Douglas Kent, needs 9 more.

Stonehenge Dip: A 9-player variant, also GM’d by Heat in his subzine Equinox.  Contact him at to sign up.  Signed up: Douglas Kent, Geoff Kemp, needs 7 more.

Facts in Five: Also GM’d by Heat in his subzine Equinox.  Needs between 3 and 5 players.  Contact him at to sign up.

Acquire: Can take up to six players.  Signed up: Hank Alme, Tom Howell, Ricvhard Weiss, can take up to three more.

By Popular Demand: Back to the regular BPD instead of BAPD.  Join at any time. 

Eternal Sunshine Movie Quote Quiz: Join anytime. 

Where in the World is Kendo Nagasaki?: Rules in ES #58.  Join anytime!  Also a SECOND game being run by Heath Gardner in his subzine Equinox and a THIRD game in The Abyssinian Prince!

Coming Soon?: 1898, Middle Eastern Diplomacy, Balkan Wars VI, Colonia VII-B.  If you’re interested in one of these variants, or have a suggestion, let me know.

Standby List: HELP!  I need standby players! – Current standby list: Richard Weiss, Jim Burgess (Dip only), Hank Alme, Martin Burgdorf, Paul Milewski (Dip only), Brad Wilson (including Woolworth), Chris Babcock, Marc Ellinger, Heath Gardner, Jack McHugh, and whoever I beg into it in an emergency.




Eternal Sunshine Game Section


Diplomacy “Dulcinea” 2008C, F 27


Austria (Martin Burgdorf – martin_burgdorf “of” Retreat A Belgium – Picardy,

 A Silesia - Berlin.. A Berlin - Kiel (*Disbanded*), A Burgundy Supports A Picardy – Belgium,

 A Paris - Brest (*Fails*), A Picardy - Belgium (*Fails*), A Ruhr Supports A Picardy - Belgium.

England (Hank Alme – almehj “of” A Belgium Supports A Holland (*Cut*),

 A Brest Supports F Gascony (*Cut*), A Finland - St Petersburg, A Holland Supports A Belgium, F Kiel – Berlin,

 A Moscow – Ukraine, A Munich Hold, F North Sea Supports A Belgium, F Norway - Norwegian Sea,

 F Norwegian Sea - Barents Sea, A St Petersburg - Moscow.

Turkey (Jim Burgess – jfburgess “of” F Adriatic Sea - Ionian Sea,

 F Aegean Sea - Eastern Mediterranean, A Bohemia Supports A Munich, F Constantinople - Aegean Sea,

 F English Channel Supports A Brest, A Galicia Supports A Moscow – Ukraine, F Gascony Supports A Brest,

 F Gulf of Bothnia - Baltic Sea, F Ionian Sea - Tyrrhenian Sea, F Piedmont – Marseilles,

 A Prussia Supports F Kiel – Berlin, A Sevastopol Supports A St Petersburg – Moscow,

 A Silesia Supports F Kiel – Berlin, F Spain(sc) Supports F Piedmont – Marseilles, A Tyrolia Supports A Munich,

 F Tyrrhenian Sea - Western Mediterranean.



W 27/S 28 Deadline is February 25th at 7:00am my time


Supply Center Chart


Austria:            Budapest, Paris, Vienna=3, Remove 1

England:          Belgium, Berlin, Brest, Denmark, Edinburgh, Holland, Kiel,

                        Liverpool, London, Moscow, Munich, Norway, St Petersburg, Sweden=14, Build 3

Turkey:            Ankara, Bulgaria, Constantinople, Greece, Marseilles, Naples, Portugal, Rome, Rumania, Serbia,

                        Sevastopol, Smyrna, Spain, Trieste, Tunis, Venice, Warsaw=17, Build 1




(THE SULTAN to THE EMPEROR): No, I am not proposing anything that I cannot vote for, and we're almost to the end.  One more game year ought to seal it.  You've been a noble foe.  But of course, this "could have been you" had you gone along with the original Lance Anderson deal.


(JIM-BOB to LANCE): I'm not sure you're even paying attention any more.  I hope your life has sorted out positively as we've played this out to the end.


(JIM-BOB to HANK): I wish our great cooperation here could lead to something in OTHER games we're in.... ;-)  Oh well, we shall see.  Next game year should be fun. 


(BOOB to PEANUT GALLERY): Does everyone see what happens next?


“Dulcinea” Diplomacy Bourse


Billy Ray Valentine: Probably in his limousine.


Duke of York: Sells 500 Pounds.  Buys 352 Piastres.


Smaug the Dragon: Snore.


Rothschild: Sells 500 Piastes.  Buys 710 Pounds.


Baron Wuffet: Zip.


Wooden Nickel Enterprises: Sells 500 crowns.  Buys 536 pounds.


VAIONT Enterprises: Resting his eyes.


Insider Trading LLC: Grand Jury hearing.


Bourse Master: Stands pat.




(DUKE OF YORK to ROTHSCHILD): I'll match you pound for pound and stay ahead.  I don't think anyone else is trading.


(DUKE OF YORK to DOUG): I'm still not sure Mr. Rothschild knows what's coming..... but YOU do....


Doug – Duke: I don’t see how anybody couldn’t by now, but you may be right.


(DUKE OF YORK to BOURSE MASTER): Oh I see what you and Rothschild have in mind.  Well, while it will reduce the total value of my holdings, perhaps I shall go ahead and rebalance to prove him wrong.  Let's see... hmmm, just enough time.


(DUKE OF YORK to THE DUKE OF EARL): I bow to your wisdom.  Would you deign to visit our little game?


Next Bourse Deadline is February 24th at 7:00pm my time


Diplomacy “Jerusalem” 2012A, W 08

Seasons Separated by Player Request

Austria (Melinda Holley – genea5613 “of” Has A Tyrolia, A Venice.

England (John Biehl – jerbil “of” Remove F Helgoland Bight..Has F Baltic Sea, A Belgium, A Brest,

 F English Channel, A Kiel, F Mid-Atlantic Ocean, F North Atlantic Ocean, F Norway, A Picardy, F Portugal, A Ruhr.

Germany (Heath Gardner - heath.gardner “of” Remove A Gascony..Has A Berlin, A Paris.

Italy (Mark Firth – mark.r.firth “of” Has A Burgundy, F Gulf of Lyon, F North Africa, A Spain,

 F Trieste, F Western Mediterranean.

Russia (Richard Weiss – richardweiss “of” Build A Moscow..Has A Moscow, A Prussia,

 A Sevastopol, A St Petersburg.

Turkey (Geoff Kemp - ggeoff510 “of” Build A Constantinople..Has F Aegean Sea, F Black Sea,

 A Bohemia, A Budapest, A Constantinople, A Munich, A Piedmont, A Silesia, F Tuscany.


Now Proposed – Concession to Turkey.  Please vote.  NVR=No.

S 09 Deadline is February 25th at 7:00am my time




(BOOB to ISRAELITES): If the Palestinians in this game won't write press, then YOU have to!  I cannot believe how this great group of players and writers can only produce a one-liner from Melinda!  Check ALL of your pulses!!!


(BOOB to BIEHL): Can you buy a clue, call a friend?  Nope, I think you're in decline.


(BOOB to DOUG): This is a game that demands great press, I wish they would start, and then I can read and respond.  But where has it all gone??


Doug – Boob: Press?  At this point we’re all lucky if most of them bother to send in orders.  What a bunch of rubes.



Diplomacy “Walkerdine” 2012D, W 04

Seasons Separated by Player Request

Austria (paul.milewski “of” Has A Budapest.

England (Marc Ellinger - mellinger “of”  Has F Barents Sea, F Finland, A Livonia, A Moscow,

 F North Sea, A St Petersburg.

France (Jim Burgess – jfburgess “of” Build F Marseilles.. Has A Belgium, F Marseilles,

 F Mid-Atlantic Ocean, F Rome, F Tunis, A Tyrolia, F Tyrrhenian Sea, F Western Mediterranean.

Germany (Steve Cooley – tmssteve “of” Build A Kiel, A Berlin, A Munich.. Has A Berlin,

 F Gulf of Bothnia, A Kiel, A Munich, A Silesia, F Sweden, A Venice, A Vienna, A Warsaw.

Italy (Harold Zarr - skip1955 “of” Has F Naples.

Russia (Hank Alme – almehj “of” Retreat A Moscow – Sevastopol, A Vienna - Galicia..

 Remove A Galicia.. Has F Adriatic Sea, A Sevastopol, A Ukraine.

Turkey (Chris Babcock - cbabcock “of” Has F Aegean Sea, F Apulia, A Bohemia, F Greece,

 F Ionian Sea, A Trieste.


Deadline for S 05 is February 25th at 7am my time







Italy to Turkey: I wonder how much longer the French-English-German alliance will hold with all of those supply centers so ripe for the taking.


(FRANCE): What, who, me???


(NAVAL OPERATIONS: NICE): What is this?  A sailing ship?  Are we taking on the Barbary Pirates?  Yes, yes, that's what we're up to.


(FRANCE to ITALY): I'll bite....




(BOOB to HANK): So, my man, can we talk?  Steve is off at WACCon, no one is listening....


(BOOB to WACadoodles): I hope everyone who went to WAC had a great time, including Steve.  After this brief separation interlude, can we get back to some REAL Diplomacy??



Black Press Gunboat, “Fred Noonan”, 2013Arb32, W 05/S 06

England: F London Hold (*Dislodged*, retreat to Yorkshire or OTB), F North Sea - Edinburgh.

France: Build A Paris, F Brest.. A Belgium Supports A Burgundy (*Cut*),

 F Brest - Mid-Atlantic Ocean (*Bounce*), A Burgundy Supports A Belgium, F English Channel – London,

 F Liverpool - North Atlantic Ocean (*Fails*), A Paris – Picardy, F Wales Supports F English Channel - London.

Germany: Retreat A Belgium - Holland.. A Berlin Support A Munich – Silesia (*Fails*),

 F Gulf of Bothnia Supports A St Petersburg (*Ordered to Move*), A Holland - Belgium (*Fails*), A Kiel – Munich,

 F Norway - North Sea, F Skagerrak - Denmark.

Italy: Disband A Galicia.. Build F Naples.. F Adriatic Sea Supports F Ionian Sea – Albania,

 A Budapest Supports A Trieste, F Ionian Sea – Albania, F Naples - Ionian Sea, A Silesia – Bohemia,

 A Trieste Supports F Ionian Sea – Albania, A Tyrolia Supports A Trieste.

Russia: Remove A Munich.. A Moscow Supports A Warsaw – Ukraine,

 F North Atlantic Ocean - Mid-Atlantic Ocean (*Bounce*), A St Petersburg – Livonia, A Warsaw – Ukraine

 (*Dislodged*, retreat to Prussia or Silesia or OTB).

Turkey: F Albania - Trieste (*Disbanded*), F Constantinople - Aegean Sea, A Galicia – Warsaw, F Greece Supports F Constantinople - Aegean Sea, A Rumania Supports A Serbia, A Serbia Supports F Albania – Trieste,

 A Sevastopol Supports A Ukraine, A Ukraine Supports A Galicia - Warsaw.


Deadline for F 06 Will Be February 25th at 7am My Time





France to Russia:  The fleet of the damned is sailing to its destruction.  Better you should have sunk the ships in the fiords of Norway than to have sent it on a fool’s errand to die in the icy waters of the north.


France to England: As Russia slides into oblivion, so too will your fleets suffer the same fate.  Better for you to have allied with me against the German menace in the north than to have played the toad and lead your people to defeat and ruin.


France to Germany: My moves are designed to shore up your western frontier from the threat of English and Russian pirates and mercenaries.  A great threat rises in the east from the Turkish Sultan.  I pray you, keep your attention turned to the southeast so that we might survive the deadly onslaught that is coming our way.


Ger - Fra:  With friends like you, who needs enemies?


France to Italy: Build a fleet and take Munich, as you should have done last season!


(AMELIA to FRED): Who are all these nutcases?  I just want to find our plane!


(TATTOO to FRED): The plane, the plane!!!


(GERMANY to FRANCE): I don't recognize the danger, stay away!!


(GER to FRA): I choose the danger.


(Constantinople to Rome): I'm not sure I trust what you're doing,   How come ***I*** didn't get a build and what are my fleets supposed to do now?


(Italy to France): Don't listen to them, we're good.


(RUSSIA to FRANCE and TURKEY): I'm your friend, really, you both have to stop Italy now!


Russia-All: You guys suck!!


Diplomacy “Sweet Spot” 2013A, F 05


England (Harold Zarr - skip1955 “of” A Liverpool - Edinburgh (*Bounce*),

 A Yorkshire - London.

France (Melinda Holley – genea5613 “of” F Belgium - English Channel,

 A Gascony - Burgundy (*Bounce*), A Holland – Kiel, A Kiel – Munich,

 A Marseilles Supports F Mid-Atlantic Ocean - Spain(sc) (*Disbanded*),

 F Mid-Atlantic Ocean - Spain(sc) (*Fails*), F North Sea - Edinburgh (*Dislodged*, retreat to Belgium or Holland

 or Helgoland Bight or Norwegian Sea or Yorkshire or OTB).

Germany (Jack McHugh jwmchughjr “of” A Denmark Hold.

Italy (Heath Gardner - heath.gardner “of” F Gulf of Lyon Supports A Piedmont – Marseilles,

 F Ionian Sea Hold, A Munich - Burgundy (*Dislodged*, retreat to Ruhr or OTB),

 F North Africa - Mid-Atlantic Ocean (*Fails*), A Piedmont – Marseilles,

 A Portugal Supports F Western Mediterranean - Spain(sc), A Tyrolia - Munich (*Fails*),

 A Vienna - Bohemia (*Bounce*), F Western Mediterranean - Spain(sc).

Russia (Chris Babcock – cbabcock “of” ): A Berlin Supports A Kiel – Munich,

 F Norway - North Sea, A Prussia – Warsaw, A Silesia Supports A Kiel – Munich,

 F Skagerrak Supports F Norway - North Sea, A Sweden - Denmark (*Fails*).

Turkey (Larry Peery – peery “of” F Aegean Sea Hold, A Budapest - Galicia (*Fails*),

 A Galicia - Bohemia (*Bounce*), A Greece Supports A Rumania – Bulgaria, A Rumania – Bulgaria, A Serbia Hold.



Now Proposed – F/I/R/T Draw.  Please vote, NVR=No.

Deadline for W 05/S 06 Will Be February 25th at 7am My Time


Supply Center Chart


England:          Liverpool, London=2, Even

France:            Belgium, Brest, Edinburgh, Kiel, Munich, Paris, Holland?=6 or 7, Build 1

Germany:         Denmark, Holland?=1 or 2, Even (No Room to Build)

Italy:                Marseilles, Naples, Portugal, Rome, Spain, Trieste, Tunis, Venice, Vienna=9, Even or Build 1

Russia:             Berlin, Moscow, Norway, Rumania, Sevastopol, St Petersburg, Sweden, Warsaw=8, Build 2

Turkey:            Ankara, Budapest, Bulgaria, Constantinople, Greece, Serbia, Smyrna=7, Build 1




England to Europe: I see a Russo-Turkish steamroller beginning to form.


England to France: Perhaps a rapprochement is in order?  Central France is open to invasion; the Mid-Atlantic is soon to be occupied by Italian fleets, and the Iberian Peninsula has already fallen to Italy.  And you are concerned about dark chocolate?


Fra - Eng:  Hey, I took my shot.  Either I got your centers or the Russian will get them.  Because I can't stop him now.  Look for him in the North Sea & then on your shores.


Fra - Rus:  Well, that was rather harsh.  I'd rather we be friends.


(Versailles) - "Madam, the peasants are revolting."


The Woman eyed her aide with confusion then nodded.  "Yes, Robert, they certainly are."


"Madam...I mean, they are protesting in the streets.  There is no bread."


The Woman turned to study the large map on the wall.  "Let 'em eat cake."


"But, Madam!"


"Let them have all the cake in the bakeries.  Those bakers are hoarding those cakes for the rich folks anyway.  Once the cakes are all gone, inform the bakeries that by my decree they are to bake and sell nothing but bread.  Problem solved."


"Yes, Madam."  The Aide took a deep breath, wondering how he would phrase that order more diplomatically.  Obviously, Madam had never dealt with an irate French pastry chef.


"And my incompetent Generals?  Where are they right now?"


"With Madam Guillotine," the Aide solemnly replied.


"What?!  They're at a cathouse?"


"What...what is a cathouse?"


The Woman heavily sighed.  "A cathouse.  A brothel.  A den of sin."


"Oh...oh, no, Madam!"  The Aide made a slicing motion across his throat.  "THAT Madam Guillotine."


The Woman blinked.  "So, they're not at that house close to Napoleon's Tomb with the red doors...well...*ahem*...Good!  Excellent!  Let the people be shown that incompetent fools will be punished!"  The Woman turned to eye the map once again.  "They squandered our victories."


"Yes, Madam."  The Aide glanced at the map.  "What will happen now?"


The Woman's eyes flickered to her Aide and then back to the map.  Suddenly she pointed at a spot on the map.  "Now, Robert...we try to outguess the Devil."


(BOOB to EVERYONE BUT LARRY): You don't need anything from me, you have MORE than enough from Larry.  Enjoy....


Heath to Melinda - sorry, but they convinced me you were going to kamikaze against me if I turned back. This merits further discussion. I didn't want to have to end up removing a bunch and giving you guys the key to the boot. but there's no way I move to eliminate you now. I'm just hoping to ride out the Russian solo attempt and survive to a draw. You'll make it too.


Heath to ALL - I don't know why, but Chris divulged his solo intent to me via email this season. I'm not trying to eliminate anyone at this point, just find my way into a position where I can hopefully wait this out. If Larry helps Chris, it's over.


Heath to CHRIS and LARRY - If you guys duped me with this "let's rule the world very unconventionally" thing, good job. It should have been obvious, but the dulcet tones of both of your soothing voices lulled me into a false sense of security. Now I'm kinda stuck with my choices...


Heath to LARRY - If you did what you said you were going to do, you're my friend tiil the end of the game. Which I think will be a draw, 4 or 5 way, unless Chris changes his mind.




Woolworth II-D “Coney Island” 2013Bcb19, W 04

Seasons Separated by Player Request


Austria (Secret): Ret A Vie-OTB..Has A Swi.

Balkans (Secret): Bld A Ser, A Gre..Has A Ser, A Gre, F Alb, A Tri, A Vie.

England (Secret): Remove F NAO..Has F Lon, A Lpl.

France (Heath Gardner - heath.gardner “of” Remove A Hol..Has A Bre, F Eng, F Tys.

Germany (Marc Ellinger - mellinger “of” Remove A Gas..Has A Bur, A Ruh, A Kie, A Ber.

Italy (Secret): Has F Tun, F Tus, A Pie, A Nap, A Ven.

Russia (Jim Burgess - jfburgess “of” Has F Bal, A Sil, A War, A Pru, A Ukr.

Scandinavia (Geoff Kemp - ggeoff510 “of” Bld F Nwy..Has F Nwy, F Edi, F Nth, A Den.
Spain (Secret): Bld A Por..Has A Por, A
Bel, F Mad, F Wms, F Nwg.
Turkey (Hugh Polley – hapolley “of” Has F Bla, A Rum, A Bul, F Ion, F Ems.



Deadline for S 05 is February 25th at 7am My Time




(JIM-BOB to GEOFF): Whoops, I guess we didn't talk more, but I've still got your back!!!


HEATH to EUROPE: Now offering janissary status at a low rate. Contact me, one and a half countries for the price of ... none.


By Popular Demand


The goal is to pick something that fits the category and will be the "most popular" answer. You score points based on the number of entries that match yours. For example, if the category is "Cats" and the responses were 7 for Persian, 3 for Calico and 1 for Siamese, everyone who said Persian would get 7 points, Calico 3 and the lone Siamese would score 1 point. The cumulative total over 10 rounds will determine the overall winner. Anyone may enter at any point, starting with an equivalent point total of the lowest cumulative score from the previous round. If a person misses a round, they'll receive the minimum score from the round added to their cumulative total. In each round you may specify one of your answers as your Joker answer.  Your score for this answer will be doubled.  In other words, if you apply your Joker to category 3 on a given turn, and 4 other people give the same answer as you, you get 10 points instead of 5.  Players who fail to submit a Joker for any specific turn will have their Joker automatically applied to the first category. And, if you want to submit some commentary with your answers, feel free to.  The game will consist of 10 rounds, with the 10th round being worth double points.  A prize will be awarded to the winner.  Research is permitted, but cooperation or collusion between players is not!

Round 2 Categories


1.    A U.S. President from the 1900’s.

2.    A film featuring Gene Hackman.

3.    A Ford car model.

4.    A type of drum.

5.    A Native American tribe.


Selected Comments By Category


President – Kevin Wilson “Interestingly, when I looked a the list, most of the Presidents from the early 1900s aren't that memorable.  The most memorable from the early period was FDR.  I would go for him but some of the more recent like Clinton or Reagan may also stick in people's minds.  I think we are more likely to hit the recent ones than past so I'll go with Bill Clinton.”  Andy Bate “So, just those ten years, or is this the Twentieth Century?  Well, as Theodore Roosevelt was 1901-1909 then I have to assume that's pretty much the only answer that you can give.”  Dane Maslen “Will players assume that "1900's" means 1900-1909 or 1900-1999?” Richard Weiss “A millennia ago.  I guess Republicans will pick Reagan (I had to check on the spelling) and the other three best guesses are FDR, Kennedy, and Clinton.  No one for Silent Cal from my home state.  Hoover, Carter, and Ford are on my “no one will list” bet.”  Hank Alme “I assume "from the 1900's" means "20th Century" and not "1900-1909" It looks like that decade was covered by McKinley and TR.”  Marc Ellinger “Greatest president of the modern era, the Great Communicator and the man who won the Cold War!!”  Heath Gardner “I couldnt tell if you meant just the 1900s decade or the 20th century. Seems like just the 1900s makes it a little easy (only three... right? choices). But I'd consider TR as a 20th century overall pick too. One of those presidents both parties can generally agree was totally a badass.”


Hackman – Brad Wilson “If I was naming my favorite, though, I'd say "Heist" or "Twilight", the latter an overlooked 'film noir in pastel' with an unbeatable cast (Paul Newman, Hackman, Susan Sarandon, James Garner, Stockard Channing, Margo Martindale, M. Emmet Walsh, Reece Witherspoon and more) and a terrific Elmer Bernstein score.”  Kevin Wilson “Wow, way too many to choose from.  One of my all-time favorites is Bat-21 in which GH starred.  But I don't think it is that well known.  I do highly recommend it though.  He's had some great movies:  The French Connection, Mississippi Burning, Hoosiers, Class Action, Unforgiven; some OK one's: Crimson Tide, Absolute Power, Runaway Jury; and some bad ones like any of the Superman movies.  I want to say my favorite but I think The French Connection will get more nods so I'll go with that.”  Geoff Kemp “Although wanted to put Young Frankenstein, Didn't think anyone else would put that though!”  Dane Maslen “I don't expect 'Mississippi Burning' to be a popular answer, but it was an excellent film, so I'll go for it.”  Heath Gardner “That's one of my favorite movies of all time. Every time I think of Hackman that's the movie I think of. A close runner up would be "The Conversation." My films of the 70s grad school class was THE coolest class I took all thru my academic career. I prefer films of that period to any other... and Hackman was in a lot of them.”


Ford – Andy Bate “Let's hope that the Ford Escort was as popular the other side of the pond as it was this.”  Geoff Kemp “Thought there would be more chance with an American Ford rather than a British one.”  Dane Maslen “'Model T' could prove to be an inspired or a disastrous answer.  In the process of googling for a list of Ford models I saw a reference to the Model T and thought "Of course!"  I hope other players have a similar experience.”   Richard Weiss  Mustang, Model A, or Model T.  I’ll go with Mustang.  Ford F – 150 or F -100 aren’t cars.”  Heath Gardner “First I almost put Focus, then I almost put Model-T. I guess this is sort of a compromise?”


Drum – Kevin Wilson “I admit I know next to nothing about drums.  I played in the band one year in high school.  We had a bass drum, snare drums and a the big kettle things in the back but other than that I have no idea.  I'll go with snare drum for lack of any reason to go otherwise.”  Richard Weiss “A type of drum. Hmm, manufacturer, probably not.  Snare, bass, bongo, congas, marching…  I’ll go with Bongo and hope others avoid the types that are in a typical drum set-up for rock groups.”  Heath Gardner “The only drum I was ever allowed to touch when I played percussion in grade school band. BORING ass solo practice sessions.”


Tribe – Rick Desper “Also known as the Dine'  Steve Cooley “Can I pick one from F-Troop?”  Richard Weiss “There is an “official list of 566 tribes that are Indian Entities Recognized and Eligible To Receive Services From the United States Bureau of Indian Affairs” per Wikipedia.  I’m “Hopi” entries will come for Trail of Tears, BCBS Champion Florida State, Navajo, Goano'ganoch'sa'jeh'seroni, Apache because of Geronimo or the SUV.  I really want to take Goano'ganoch'sa'jeh'seroni (OK, known to most as the Iroquois nation, because they invented Lacrosse; but, competitively, I’ll go with Cherokee.”  Marc Ellinger “They killed Custer (what an idiot!), and Sitting Bull is the biggest sculpture in the West (maybe the world!)”  Heath Gardner “I have donated enough, via raked poker pots, to their nation to make up for whatever horrible shit my ancestors did (not really).”


Congrats to Robin ap Cynan who got the highest POSSIBLE score of 85.  Poor Hugh Polley only scored a 26, the worst of the bunch.  At least we had no NMRs!


Round 3 Categories


1. The one and only correct religion (answers must match exactly).
2. The most guilty party in the Arab-Israeli conflict.
3. What Hitler was right about.
4. The NFL team with the biggest crybabies for fans.
5. Which amendment in the Bill of Rights we should do away with (answer by number).


Deadline for Round 3 is February 25th at 7:00am my time






Eternal Sunshine Movie Quote Contest



There are ten rounds of movie quotes, and each round consists of ten quotes.  Identify the film each quote is from.  Anyone may enter at any point. If you want to submit some commentary with your answers, feel free to.  The game will consist of 10 rounds.  A prize will be awarded to the winner – and it might be a very good prize!  Research is not permitted!  That means NO RESEARCH OF ANY KIND, not just no searches for the quotes themselves.  The only legal “research” is watching movies to try and locate the scenes.  I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO DISQUALIFY ANY PLAYER I BELIEVE IS CHEATING.  I ALSO RESERVE THE RIGHT TO CHANGE THE QUOTES SLIGHTLY (ALTHOUGH SOMETIMES I DO A FEW FROM MEMORY SO THEY COULD BE OFF ANYWAY).  Each round will also contain one bonus question, asking what the ten movies being quoted have in common.  The player with the most correct answers each round gets 3 points, 2nd place gets 2 points, and 3rd place gets 1 point.  In the event of ties, multiple players get the points (if three players tie for first, they EACH get 3 points).  High score at the end of ten rounds wins the game, and a prize (unless you cheated).  The final round will be worth double points.


Round 7


1.    I used to call it stroking the salami.  You know, pounding the old pud.  American Pie.  Monsters Ball – JB.  There’s Something About Mary – RD.


2.    He's been compared to Elvis Costello, but I think Huey has a far more bitter, cynical sense of humor. American Psycho.  Correct – RD.  Grosse Point Blank – JB.


3.    Did you know his old man died in the nuthouse? Max didn't want to end up the same way, so he put the idea in our heads to tip off the cops.   Once Upon a Time in America.  Chinatown – JB.  Batman – RD.


4.    He'll buy that boat from that stupid boat catalog he's been making me look at for the last two months, and he will crash that boat off Catalina Island, and he will drown and die and seals will eat him.  Lost in America.  The World According to Garp – RD.  American Psycho – JB.


5.    Davenport runs the Senate prayer group. With a guy like that you don't bring up the subject of blow jobs. You wait for him to bring it up.  Air America.  The Contender – RD.  The Aviator – AL.  Voyager – JB.


6.    I'm the most dangerous man in this prison. You know why?  Because I control the underwear.  American History X.  Correct – HA.  Shawshank Redemption – AL, JB.  Escape from Alcatraz – RD.


7.    The royal penis is clean, your Highness.   Coming to America.  Correct – KW, HA.  History of the World Part 1 – RD, AY.  Ed Wood – JB.


8.    Remember those posters that said, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life"? Well, that's true of every day but one: the day you die.   American Beauty.  Correct – RD.  Fight Club – JB.


9.    I loaned the country $400 Billion. And I want my $400 Billion back. Does that make me a bad guy?   Americathon.  Quantum of Solace – RD.  Wall Street – AL.


10.  What movie could be worth driving 260 miles round trip for?  American Splendor.  Shag – RD.


Bonus – What do these films all have in common?  All Titles Contain “America” or “American.”  All star Eddie Murphy – KW.  All are nihilistic black comedies – JB.  Movies feaqturing a naked man running around with a chainsaw – RD.


Score This Round: Hank Alme [HA] – 2; Rick Desper [RD] – 2; Kevin Wilson [KW] – 1; Jim Burgess [JB] – 0; Andy Lischett [AL] - 0.


Points So Far: Jim Burgess [JB] – 14; Kevin Wilson [KW] – 14; Rick Desper [RD] – 13; Hank Alme [HA] – 9; Jack Mcugh [JM] – 7; Andy Lischett [AL] – 7; Andy York [AY] – 6; Paraic Reddington [PR] – 2.



Round 8


1.    Here's the deal: I'm not easy to get along with, and I'm sensing you're a bit of a bitch.


2.    She does not speak for the rest of us Mr. Clown. We think that you are quite brave and manly.


3.    In my case, you know, I hate to advocate drugs or liquor, violence, insanity to anyone. But in my case it's worked.


4.    What is it about good sex that makes me have to crap? I guess it's all that pumping. Pump and dump.


5.    Kids are starving in India and you're walking around with a sombrero full of peanuts.


6.    He was a slob. Did you ever see him eat? Starving children could fill their bellies on the food that ended up in his beard and on his clothes.


7.    They don't want the classic horror films anymore. Today it's all giant bugs. Giant spiders, giant grasshoppers. Who would believe such nonsense?


8.    I've always been considered an asshole for about as long as I can remember. That's just my style. But I'd really feel blue if I didn't think you were going to forgive me.


9.    I signed that release form, so you can just feel free to stick things in my slot.


10.  What if I'm looking for a bathroom, I can't find one, and my bladder explodes?


Bonus – What do these films all have in common?


Deadline for Round 8 is February 25th at 7:00am my time


General Deadline for the Next Issue of Eternal Sunshine:  February 25th, 2014 at 7:00am my time.   See You Then!